Zevia Mountain Zevia

I don't know how you got diabetes. Your doctor wouldn't give me your chart due to something called "doctor/patient confidentiality" which I find bogus. I do know that you and your little body don't handle sugar too well. For this reason, I have purchased you, my friend, a six-pack of Zevia Mountain Zevia. I know, I know. It's just like the U2 song "Sunday, Bloody Sunday" except instead of "Sunday" it's Zevia and you also have to replace "Bloody" with "Mountain" but aside from that; carbon copy.

Go ahead take a sip. Take a big, bigger sip. Didn't you say that Mountain Dew was your favorite? Doesn't thing remind you of all night LAN parties where you and your 7 closest friends would bring a TV, Xbox, and controller to someone's house, set them all up in the living room, and play Halo all night? A little bit? Yeah, well it's not the same thing, so why would you expect it to taste the same? It's sweetened with Stevia so it's not going to make you need that pen that you carry with the frighteningly large needle. It's a flash of that Mountain Dew grossness; I mean flavor, and then the cool aftertaste of the Stevia. It's not horrible, right? It's better than, say, regular Mountain Dew? Well look, this is the best you're going to do unless you want to lose a leg because of your dedication to "Doing the Dew" so deal with it. It's the thought that counts and I think you're being a jerk.