Sugar and/or Glucose Fructose - 3 Reviews

Oh I'm such a dumb dummy. I see this iced tea on the shelf in Ontario, Canada, blur through the ingredients, see "sugar" and jump to conclusions. Yeah, whatever. It's one dollar Canadian which at the time of review is ninety-seven cents American. Who cares, right? Right.

Well as bad as it could have been, which it wasn't, I managed to drink eighty percent of it. I should shut up now but what review would be complete without an actual review. Sure, we love reviewing things poorly, but poorly is better than non-existent. It tastes thicker than I like my tea. Dare I say the word, "unnatural" because Mother Nature's liquids aren't this thick? Ugh. Chalk that up on the "gross" board. No, I'm leaving it in there. The tea taste is fine but it is the "wrong" sweet. Good tea taste but bad sweet.

Also, "pure tea solids" is an ingredient in this and it sounds almost as gross as "Mother Nature's Liquids."

Remember when you were a kid and you would drop something, like ice cream on the street, and the next day you would walk down that very street and there would be a seemingly infinite amount of ants on it? I feel like if you spilled some of this on the ground, ants would come from all corners of the earth. Anyone who has a dog knows that you could be anywhere in the house and if you as much as touch a receptacle with food in it, the dog is right there, faithfully by your feet. Fruitopia is like that to ants.

Doing my most careful attempt at not spilling any in fear that ants would inhabit my body as a home for themselves, I drank this perhaps faster than I needed to. It was good, though, so it wasn't like I had to choke it down. It was, quite literally, a strawberry juice with passion fruit in it. Not an inventive review, I know, but there are no clever branding techniques or misinterpreted messages. Strawberries and passion fruit: Done and done. Check and check.

I finished the can at night and did an attempt to take a picture on a building ledge but was unsatisfied so I left it in my car to take a picture of today with the fear that I would open my door and a frightening mass of ants would just fall out like the world's most awful prank.

Finally. My last bottle of Chubby. I bought this in the early stages of Thirsty Dudes and it has just been sitting on different shelves awaiting my acceptance. After that cream soda...ugh...I've been dreading this day. Was it as bad as I thought? No but not by much. It tastes more like carbonated bubble gum cake or ice cream than actual gum.

It's not too sweet which is a godsend otherwise I would have thrown this little number into the street with complete disregard to things like decency, etiquette, manners, and other people. It sucks, but it sucks a lot less that I was worried about.