Brazil Gourmet - 6 Reviews

All three of us have reviewed a guava drink today; so let it be known that July 6th, 2011 will now be known as Guava Day. I, for one, welcome our new guava overlords. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted blog personality, I could be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves.

They have bestowed onto me a bottle of guava nectar to sample. I don't think I've ever had a guava nectar drink and I must say it's quite good. It's not as thick as other nectars I have had, but that's a good thing. I often find nectar to be way too thick and hard to drink. This is the consistency of a juice/nectar mix and it's perfect.

**Disclaimer: this review was in no way influenced, edited, or forced by the almighty guava overlords.**

I demand to know who is in charge of keeping track of ORACs aka antioxidant comparison. As far as I can tell companies just make up numbers. Acai drinks always seems to list the ORAC found in acai in comparison to other antioxidant rich fruits and the numbers are never even close to the same. I'm calling shenanigans!

As for the juice contained (yes I know they say it's a smoothie, but it has the consistency of juice so that is what it is in my world) it smells terrible. Vaguely rotting. I was skeptical to even drink it. I sucked up my fear and I took a sip, which actually tasted pretty good. The acai flavor isn't as harsh as I expected it to be. The other ingredients mellow it out a bit. It's not in my list of greatest juices of all time, but because of the health aspect of it I have no real complaints aside from the retched odor. I advise not breathing until it's in your mouth already.

When most people think of the word passion their minds are automatically filled with the ideas of love and sexual lust. It's a positive thing that can lead to joy and fun. What people forget is that passion can also go the other way. You can also hate someone with a deep passion. It's any extreme emotion. So my question is were passion fruits names for love or hate?

I'd like to think that it was such a delicious fruit that it caused two ancient tribes to go to war. Both wanted control of the passion fruit orchards (they grow on trees right?) and were willing to go to extremes to gain said control. So I guess it would work both ways. Their absolute love of the fruit resulted in extreme hatred for the other tribe. I totally understand that. This juice smells and tastes wonderfully. It's only 14% passion fruit juice and if someone tried to take it from me I would probably slap them involuntarily. Imagine what I would do for the actual fruit. Did that just blow your mind? If so you should probably put down the bong because it really wasn't that deep of a thought.

This is Brazil Gourmet's version of mango juice that they add sugar to. It's really sweet, but it tastes so much like biting into a perfectly ripe mango. I can just imagine the juice spilling over my chin as the stringiness of it ends up between my teeth. The label says there are 1.5 mangos in every bottle. That, my friends, is a lot of fruit.

I really hope that the image of a toucan on the label is really a drawing of their pet bird that sits on the president of Brazil Gourmet's shoulder. There's a board meeting going on and everyone is sitting around a big table. The president gives a speech about quarterly sales and the quality of the latest mango crop. All the while the bird caws to accent certain points. All of the employees are intimidated by the toucan. If it caws while they are being addressed they know they soon will be in need of a new line of work. The bird's word is final! If this is not true, it really should be made a reality.

100% Juice? Check.
No Sugar Added? Check.
Rad looking toucan on the carton? Check.

We're off to a good start here. This is nothing but mango pulp and apple juice. Apple juice is the great stretcher of fruit juices. Seriously almost every juice has it mixed in to keep costs down and make the central fruit last longer. It's perfectly fine because apple juice is great, and it never overpowers the other fruits. This still tastes like nothing but mango. Remember how there's no sugar added? It's still crazy sweet. I'm talking 27g of sugar sweet.

I've got it.

What's that?

I've made a cashew juice.

You can't juice cashews, idiot.

Woah. First thing, I'm a scientist so I am most certainly not an idiot. Secondly you are the idiot because cashews grow from a fruit. Here try it.

Ugh, it smells like puke.

Just try it.

It's hard to get past the smell but it's...alright. It's smooth and obviously nutty. It almost tastes like a light mango juice if it was filtered through a can of Planters peanuts.

Yeah? Awesome, right?

No, not really. It's a good try, and I've learned something, but I really don't see myself drinking this, regardless of it's supposed health benefits. So long as I don't smell it, it's alright, but the thought of drinking nuts doesn't really appeal to me.

Stop being such a scardy cat and/or wuss.

Yeah? Stop inventing strange and gross drinks.