Brazil - 10 Reviews

Where do you get your coconuts from? Indonesia? What a poser. “Oh, I get my coconuts from the country that is the leading producer of them!” Brazil man, that's where you should be getting them from. They produce only about 7% as many coconuts as Indonesia so they are of a higher quality, right. This is like craft coconut water, smaller batches means a better product? Oh, that logic doesn't work out in this world. Well I still love those Brazilian coconuts. That's why I drink Yuvia coconut water. It's just the liquid from inside coconuts and vitamin C. I don't know if I'm imagining it, but it tastes a bit sweeter than its competitors products and it's all natural. It's simple, it's healthy, it's hydrating and it's refreshing. What else could you want from a pure coconut water, unless you want to crack the shell open yourself and put in the real work.

When you are stuck on an uninhabited tropical island the coconut is life. Due to it's salt, the ocean is death; drinking it would just lead to dehydration. You could keep yourself in healthy fluids by eating obscene amounts of tropical fruit, but that is just asking for more dysentery than a failed trip on the Oregon Trail. The only solution is to drink the pulpy, slightly chalky lifeblood for the coconut. You're going to have one hell of a time getting it open, but once you figure out a method, you're golden. Then and only then will you have the luxury of exploring the luxuries the island has to offer you. It could become your personal paradise.

When you get bored of the taste of straight coconut water, you can start mixing it with other fruits. Of course many of you would go straight for pineapples to create the classic pina colada flavor. For those of you who would like to pretend you're on this mystery island Vita Coco has packaged up it's own blend of a pina colada just for you. It's nothing but coconut water/pulp, pineapple pulp and vitamin C. Unfortunately they strain all of the solids out, so this is just a liquid with no fun involved.

This is not exactly the prime flavor for me, but it's something that I know a lot of people would love. There's something about Vita Coco that always leaves me wanting. Since it's just coconuts and juice I don't know what it is, but there is something that's just not as good as other brands, but it's more than good enough for you to enjoy.

When I was in grade school I would wake up in the morning, eat a bowl of cereal, get ready for school and then pack my lunch. It was generally a ham sandwich with mustard, a juice box and a pack fruit snacks. When that was done I would make myself a beverage while I waited for the bus, which picked me up in front of my house. I was convinced that the weirder the stuff I drank the better off I would be. I would mix every beverage in the fridge and just down it. This included adding milk to everything, which as every scientist knows leads to curdling. That is what this drink reminds me of; adding a little milk to orange juice. The flavors separate from each other and the orange juice ends up not tasting like itself anymore. This isn't as gross as that, but since the ingredients are only coconut water and orange juice, I am left wondering what happened to the orange flavor. I'm guessing when they juiced it up the peel got into the mix. It tastes bitter, and neither coconut water, nor orange juice should taste that way. I think I fared better with my prepubescent cocktail mixtures.

I woke up feeling like complete garbage today. It was strange though, as I didn't feel sick at all. My head felt fine. I wasn't stuffy, or have any sort of cold. My body just felt like it had gotten the ever-loving crap beat out of it last night. That way I felt is what I imagine having a hangover is like, well minus the headache. I didn't do anything crazy last night. I just hung out with some people at a friend's house and drank a single can of ginger beer. I didn't eat any junk food or anything. I have no idea what brought on the fake hell my body didn't really go through, but I was paying for it. I remembered that some of my friends drink coconut water to help them rehydrate and work through their real hangovers so I decided to give it a try.

This is only the second flavor of Vita Coco we have reviewed, and “That is shocking!” The other one was the first coconut water we reviewed, and I didn't realize that it had to be drunken ice cold. I gave it an absolutely terrible review. I really need to go back and re-review that. I didn't know how to drink it properly and my distaste was my fault, not the drinks. While I'm still not an enormous fan of coconut water, I don't mind them at all now. This one I find particularly enjoyable. It's just coconut water, passion fruit and pineapple puree. 2/3 of the ingredients in this bottle are some of my favorite flavors in the world, so it's got that going for it. It is still primarily coconut water though. The fruit are there only as light splashes of flavor. They do not overpower or ruin the integrity of the beverage.

I downed this carton. I laid down for about 45 minutes and when I got up I felt pretty close to normal. I guess I really was dehydrated. I wonder what in the world caused that. I now know that coconut water is the cure for those sorts of ailments though.

I'd like to start off by saying I have zero idea where this drink came from. Editor Dan and I went on an adventure today to explore these gnarly caves. He wanted to take some photos while I just wanted to explore. At some point in our day Dan lost his keys. We retraced our steps and eventually found them at a grocery store (the most unexpected place). Towards the end of our search we were going crazy trying to figure out where they could be and I checked the car again after Dan did. I felt a can under my seat (note, my car is normally very clean with no trash). I thought it was an empty that must have rolled under there from when my ladyfriend and I drove to Virginia a few months ago and trash got thrown everywhere for a few days. When I pulled it out I realized it was full, and more startling that I have never set my eyes on this can before. I don't know how it got in my car, and I sat there puzzled for a moment before I cracked it open and started drinking it. I came to the conclusion that the drink gods were smiling on me for helping a friend to find his keys.

Apparently the drink gods appreciated that I helped out, but not enough to give me a great drink. What I got was on the lower end of mediocre. I've had guarana drinks before, so I knew what I was getting into. If you want to know, think of fruitier Kola Champagne. This particular brand had a general sweet soda taste that was followed by a fruity bubble gum aftertaste. It's not particularly my cup of tea, but I can see where it might appeal to some people. I wonder if I keep doing good deeds if the portal to the drink realm will open in my car again. It's gotta be good for something.

All three of us have reviewed a guava drink today; so let it be known that July 6th, 2011 will now be known as Guava Day. I, for one, welcome our new guava overlords. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted blog personality, I could be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves.

They have bestowed onto me a bottle of guava nectar to sample. I don't think I've ever had a guava nectar drink and I must say it's quite good. It's not as thick as other nectars I have had, but that's a good thing. I often find nectar to be way too thick and hard to drink. This is the consistency of a juice/nectar mix and it's perfect.

**Disclaimer: this review was in no way influenced, edited, or forced by the almighty guava overlords.**

When most people think of the word passion their minds are automatically filled with the ideas of love and sexual lust. It's a positive thing that can lead to joy and fun. What people forget is that passion can also go the other way. You can also hate someone with a deep passion. It's any extreme emotion. So my question is were passion fruits names for love or hate?

I'd like to think that it was such a delicious fruit that it caused two ancient tribes to go to war. Both wanted control of the passion fruit orchards (they grow on trees right?) and were willing to go to extremes to gain said control. So I guess it would work both ways. Their absolute love of the fruit resulted in extreme hatred for the other tribe. I totally understand that. This juice smells and tastes wonderfully. It's only 14% passion fruit juice and if someone tried to take it from me I would probably slap them involuntarily. Imagine what I would do for the actual fruit. Did that just blow your mind? If so you should probably put down the bong because it really wasn't that deep of a thought.

This is Brazil Gourmet's version of mango juice that they add sugar to. It's really sweet, but it tastes so much like biting into a perfectly ripe mango. I can just imagine the juice spilling over my chin as the stringiness of it ends up between my teeth. The label says there are 1.5 mangos in every bottle. That, my friends, is a lot of fruit.

I really hope that the image of a toucan on the label is really a drawing of their pet bird that sits on the president of Brazil Gourmet's shoulder. There's a board meeting going on and everyone is sitting around a big table. The president gives a speech about quarterly sales and the quality of the latest mango crop. All the while the bird caws to accent certain points. All of the employees are intimidated by the toucan. If it caws while they are being addressed they know they soon will be in need of a new line of work. The bird's word is final! If this is not true, it really should be made a reality.

100% Juice? Check.
No Sugar Added? Check.
Rad looking toucan on the carton? Check.

We're off to a good start here. This is nothing but mango pulp and apple juice. Apple juice is the great stretcher of fruit juices. Seriously almost every juice has it mixed in to keep costs down and make the central fruit last longer. It's perfectly fine because apple juice is great, and it never overpowers the other fruits. This still tastes like nothing but mango. Remember how there's no sugar added? It's still crazy sweet. I'm talking 27g of sugar sweet.

I've got it.

What's that?

I've made a cashew juice.

You can't juice cashews, idiot.

Woah. First thing, I'm a scientist so I am most certainly not an idiot. Secondly you are the idiot because cashews grow from a fruit. Here try it.

Ugh, it smells like puke.

Just try it.

It's hard to get past the smell but it's...alright. It's smooth and obviously nutty. It almost tastes like a light mango juice if it was filtered through a can of Planters peanuts.

Yeah? Awesome, right?

No, not really. It's a good try, and I've learned something, but I really don't see myself drinking this, regardless of it's supposed health benefits. So long as I don't smell it, it's alright, but the thought of drinking nuts doesn't really appeal to me.

Stop being such a scardy cat and/or wuss.

Yeah? Stop inventing strange and gross drinks.