Jones - 48 Reviews

Sometimes you find yourself taking a picture of some animal that is either a donkey or a antler-less moose standing in water at dusk. I think it's safe to say that if you ever find yourself in that position, things are going pretty good for you. Things are also going pretty good for you if you're sipping on a bottle of this soda.

Jones has so many flavors that I don't even know about. I had no idea they even made an orange cola until it showed up (with the lemon lime) at our local Big Lots. I was intrigued as the only orange cola I have previously had is Mezzo Mix, and I love the stuff.

The Jones version doesn't have as much orange as Mezzo Mix, but I'm okay with that. IT tastes like they took their normal cola (which leaves a little to be desired) and added just a bit of orange. You can definitely taste the orange, but the cola is the main force here. I like it. I love it. I want more of it.

I had a lot of little things on my “To-Do” list that involved things I could do, sitting at a computer (color separations for screen printing) or just sitting around (cutting pants into shorts), so I decided to curl up on the couch with Temple of Doom and a nice frosty bottle of Doctor Jones. Now that is a winning pair if I've ever heard of one. Speaking of pairing do you think a high quality Dr Pepper knock off would go better with Snake Surprise, Black Beetles, Eyeball Soup or Chilled Monkey Brains? Yeah, you're probably right, a nice Doctor Jones/Monkey Brain float sounds just wonderful.

Jones really did a great job with this soda. Normally knock offs of this variety have something a little off about them that let's you know that they didn't get the recipe quite right. This on the other hand is so similar to Dublin Dr. Pepper that I don't know if I could taste the difference in a blind taste test. Remember those? Do any companies still do them? If so please get a hold of Mike and I because we would love to participate.

Here's a little insight into my psyche for you. When I was a pre-teen I was obsessed with Indiana Jones. I bought my mom's boyfriend a hat like the one Indy wears without even a thought as to whether or not he liked the movies (of course he did, he's not a communist). I also took a summer archeology class. It wasn't as exciting as I wanted it to be. I think they should have buried bottles of this soda out in a field and had us go dig them up, carefully as to not break the glass. I would have been more pumped about the class then. I'm more of a field agent instead of a classroom snoozer.

One final thought. Two of my biggest heroes (Indiana Jones and Peter Venkman) are both doctors. I really need to sign up for one of those online fake colleges where you can get real degrees that no one takes seriously. That way I can legally get Dr. Jason Draper put on my license. How sweet would that be? I could also carry around a sweet whip and a proton pack. Even sweeter.


ppppps. It would be criminal if I didn't say this. "No time for love Doctor Jones."

Drinking this on July 1st may have been a bit of a mistake. It's nearly the furthest one can get away from Christmas, and this is certainly a winter/Christmas soda if ever there was one. It smells and tastes like liquid gingerbread cookies. Actually it tastes like the gingerbread equivalent of vanilla extract. I wouldn't be surprised if this was the essence that came in a little glass bottle that was added to cookies to make them taste like gingerbread. It's a bit much. I did enjoy the taste, but it was so strong that I couldn't get through half of the bottle, and I ended up sharing the rest with everyone.

On a separate note, do you think they got the picture on the label submitted to them before they had the idea for this flavor? Did the picture inspire the flavor? I'd like to think so.

To come up with some dumb story about this drink would just be too easy, and obvious. Yes the 16 year old that lives inside of me giggled a bit when I saw this can in the store and no I am not ashamed. I just hope someone was trying to make a joke and started a fake argument, which they were planning on escalating to a fake fight in which they would taunt the other person in juvenile ways and then pull out this can as the punch line. I would also hope that jokester would get punched in the face, because that is cheesy and not funny.

This is made by the Jones company and it definitely has that specific Jones sweetness to it. All of there sodas have it, so why wouldn't their energy drink. It actually tastes like they took a raspberry/pomegranate soda and mixed in the extra ingredients that would make it an energy drink. I'm not too crazy about the flavor, but it's not horrendous.

I remember when this used to be a joke drink. There was a caricature on the can, and it was supposed to be funny. It seems Jones decided to give their look an overhaul and the iron cross looks like they are trying to appeal to the biker crowd. I would put my money on the idea that they were trying to appeal to the MMA crowd, but just got it wrong, and now it just catches the eye of grizzled bikers. Hey, everyone needs energy sometimes.

What's this? It's a plum covered in sugar? Are you telling me that this is a sugarplum? Part of me doesn't know what an actual sugarplum is, but the other part of me thinks that you are trying to pull a fast one on me. I'm drinking this Jones Sugar Plum pop and it's really sweet but doesn't have any taste that I can compare it to. Stop shoving that plum in my face. You're getting sugar everywhere. Eww, really dude? You licked it and then stuck it in sugar? That's gross and I'm that much happier that I didn't touch it. What does this taste like? It's hard to say: Fruity and sugary and carbonated. Does anyone actually know what a sugarplum tastes like? Do people still eat them? I thought it was only in that Christmas song. This is good but I bet your spitty, sugar covered plum is disgusting. It might not be for you since it's your spit but for others, you might want to do what we used to do with pretzels to get salt to stick with it and just spray it with a spray bottle of water. Stop spitting on fruit!

You've never eaten lunch and wanted to talk to a pretty girl? Why? That would be because you're mouth tastes and smells like Jamaican jerk turkey burger with Cajun mayo. If you were to audaciously walk up to the first pretty girl you saw and kissed her on the lips, she would never reciprocate because it's a stranger with a beard, and she was never a fan of dudes with beards. She would also think that you had horrid breath that tastes like a burger and that's nothing anyone wants to be shocked with. If someone shoved a cookie in your mouth to awaken you, well that's another story. Maybe if someone woke you up by feeding you pudding that would be awesome, too. If you were sleeping and I crammed a highly seasoned burger in your mouth, I would expect no less than a punch square in the mouth. That's where this pop comes into place. Rewind...

You're eating a deliciously highly seasoned burger. You take your last bite and sit back in your chair and are satisfied. That restaurant always has great food and that burger was no different. You ordered a candy cane pop to warsh it all down and wash it down it does. Sure, it's a little strange because who wants to eat a Starlight mint after every bite? It's actually more like if you had carbonated water and marinated a candy cane in it, so for honest, true titling of a product, you would be spot on with this pop.

Your burger is gone and you've taken a nice swig of that pop and here she comes, a beautiful girl. Full figured. Bam and bam. Top and bottom. Bam. You're going to kiss this girl. You wipe your mouth because you don't want to leave her with a spicy mayo aftermath. You're already invading her personal space and might get smacked so you want it to go as best as you can. You've still got a beard but there's nothing you can do in the allotted time. You're going for it. You stand up and walk towards her and kiss her. You kiss her right on the lips. She kisses back. It's amazing because you really expected to get kneed in the groin. You both psychically decided to leave it at that and walk in opposite directions. What a day. What a burger. What a girl. What a kiss. What a pop.

Why on Earth do all of these drinks taste like they have some sort of artificial sugar in them when they are actually sweetened with inverted cane sugar? I think they might actual be decent vitamin based water drinks, but nope something just tastes wrong in all three flavors I've reviewed. As I've said in the past it may just be that they don't do a very good job of disguising the taste of the ridiculous vitamins and minerals and dirt and stones that are in the drink. I can tell you that I taste approximately zero apple and very minimal cranberry in here. It has a general quasi fruit flavor that seems like it will be good for you because of the off flavor. I wouldn't purchase this again. I also wouldn't advise that you do either with so many other companies doing a similar thing that taste much better.

It's hot, I mean unnaturally hot for this time of year, and you've been cruising around like a jackass on your longboard all afternoon. Earlier you got a double iced ristretto venti nonfat organic chocolate brownie Frappuccino from the Starbucks on campus but for some reason something with such a stupid name just didn't refresh you like you wanted it to. You really need something to cool you down, but you blew the last of your money on the sweetest visor you have ever seen at the local “skate shop.” Well at one point in the past it was a skate shop, but now it's really just a stupid clothing boutique, but they still have a couple killer longboards in the window. You were just about resigned to give up on your day and head home and drink whatever beer you could find stashed in other kids dorm rooms, when you decided to take a shortcut behind the mini mart that sells beer to underage kids. As you were holding your breath to ride passed the dumpster that smells like it contains the corpses of at least eleven different types of mammals, you noticed a case of drinks sitting by the back door. The turd who worked the counter made fun of you last week for buying Zima and Skittles so screw him you're just going to steal a couple of bottles. You grabbed a handful of the drinks and shoved them in every pocket that your cargo shorts had to offer. Then you reached down to grab one for the road. You really showed the proprietors of that store, stealing drinks they had out by the dumpster. That will show them to laugh at your alcoholic beverage choices. As you turned out of the alley onto the regular road you cracked open the bottle of Jones 24c Strawberry Lemonade. It looked like it was your lucky day, nothing beats the heat that a nice bottle of lemonade. You gulped a huge mouthful and promptly fell flat on your face. It could have been the pebble that stopped the wheel of your longboard, or it could have been the distinct feeling that something was not quite right with the lemonade. Actually you instantly decided that whoever decided to call it lemonade should be fired. Not only did it not contain a single drop of lemon juice, but it also didn't taste like they even tried to fake it. Now that you think about it, it didn't even really taste like strawberries either. It just tasted like a generic fruit flavored fake Vitamin Water. Something was also very off with the taste. Originally you thought that it might have been the sweetener, but after realizing that it was made with cane sugar, you decided it was either the vitamins that had been added, or the drink had simply gone bad. All of these thoughts swam through your head as you stared down at your new visor that was now swimming in a mud puddle. Suddenly a moment of pure enlightenment washed over you. Whether it was spoiled or this was just the way it tasted this drink had been where it belonged out by the dumpster. Also, you are a complete douche bag and “longboard is the wrong board” bro.

This is a first for Thirsty Dudes. No, we've reviewed Jones soda before. What do you think we are, amateurs? We have reviewed orange cream, strawberry cream, lemon cream, vanilla cream, cherry cream, almond cream, blue cream, red cream, and the traditional cream soda. Until now, we have not reviewed a pineapple cream soda. I didn't even know such a soda existed until I stumbled upon this at my local corner store.

Even though this is a unique soda, it tastes just like it seems it would: A good mix between a cream soda and pina colada. If this was sweetened with HFCS, I probably wouldn't like it as much. The cane sugar makes it much lighter, and thus much more enjoyable.

Let me start off by saying that I found this drink at Big Lots. Not only that, but it was also on clearance. Something on mark down at a discount store generally means that this product has been discontinued. After a quick check I see that it is listed in the "Retired Products” section on the Jones website. I wonder how old this is. There's no expiration date to be found on it. I don't blame them for discontinuing it. It's not very memorable. It's basically Jones' version of the Energy flavored Vitamin Water, except it doesn't taste as strong, or as good. There is no specific citrus flavor to it. It's just nondescript tropical citrus. It's a water drink, so I don't expect the flavor to be very strong, but the problem with this is unlike Vitamin Water you can taste the vitamin undertones in it. Vitamins don't exactly taste wonderful, so that's kind of a deal breaker. With so many other vitamin based drinks on the market these days this beverage falls short. Jones, I've tried a bunch of your products, and I have to say, stick with what you know…€¦soda pop.

Gilius Thunderhead was a strong dwarf who was an accomplished blacksmith. He became so strong became he was always wielding a hammer against an old fashioned anvil. He made swords, axes, railings, and everything in between. His favorite things to create were double-edged axes because he could get artistic and put all sorts of intricate filigree within the metal.

To unwind, he enjoyed drinking root beer. Sure, he's a short, tough guy, but he enjoys his sweets just like anyone. The company appreciated him buying case after case so much that they renamed their super-successful root beer to "Dwarven Draight" and Gilius was more than pleased. He liked the root beer because it was sweet, had a bit of complexity, and the taste stayed with you for a while.

The only group that he wouldn't share his root beer with was the Death Adders because they killed his brother and were generally quite mean and tactless. If you could hear the jokes they would make about minorities you wouldn't as much as share a stick of gum with them. Terrible, terrible people.

Once a year the abominable snowman takes a trip into town in order to pick up supplies to help get him through the winter. Sure, he was once a savage that lived in the mountains of Nepal, but times have changed. It's a crazy world out there, and he decided for a change. As a result he ended up in northern Canada (How could he say no to universal health care?). The only problem with this is that people would run in terror at the sight of him. Then the pitchforks and torches would come out and it would end up being a terrible day. In order to get around this he has learned to wear baggy clothes and to shave off all of his visible hair. Don't worry though it grows back, fast. In fact it grows back too fast.

Last year he got all ready and trekked into the local town. He purchased everything that he would need for the upcoming winter. He purchased some rice, beans, chocolate, canned vegetables and most importantly a case of Jones' Strawberry Lime soda. It's his absolute favorite. If he could buy 20 cases of it, he would. Too bad he couldn't carry that much with him back up the mountain. It's hard enough lugging a single case up to the summit, but he does what he has to do. He then rations out the bottles to one a week so that they last all winter. It's hard to do and he usually spends the last month of winter soda free and grieving. He really just can't get enough of it. It doesn't really taste like strawberries, but more of a candied version of it, but the lime is pure lime all the way. The way lime mixes with other flavors will always be a mystery, a delicious mystery. It's sweet and bubbly and it hits the spot perfectly during the long Canadian winters.

As I was saying he had purchased everything he needed and was about to leave town, when he noticed people giving him weird looks. He scowled back thinking they were just being rude, until he caught a glimpse of his reflection. His hair was growing back sooner than expecting. During the 2 seconds he looked in the window it had gone from slight stubble to a two-week beard, and it didn't seem to be stopping. He panicked and ran threw town. Leaving most of his purchases by the storefront. He got out of town as fast as he could. He was already back at his mountain before he realized that the only thing he still had on him was his case of soda. Oh well, he might be hungry all winter, but at least he had his beloved soda. You don't believe me? Well take a look at the bottle. Someone snapped a picture of the rampage last year and sent it in to Jones. It won the contest and made it onto the strawberry lime label. If he wasn't so embarrassed to return the town, I'm sure he would be overjoyed that his image now graces his favorite soda.

Come on, Jennifer, really? More makeup? You just bought some perfume from here and lipstick, and I think your aunt got you that eyeliner set. What more could you want? Nail polish? You bite your nails! What's the point? Ugh, fine, let's go, but I'm going to sit in the "dad seat." The “dad seat?” The dad seat is that one bench where dads and boyfriends sit while their girlfriends smell hair gel and test bath salts.

Hey, I'm just going to sit here by the door. Take your time. I'll be playing Fruit Ninja on my phone. You know how I love it when that freeze banana comes in. I'm sorry, what did you say, ma'am? A drink? Now you're talking my language. I'll take a sip. Oh, this is kind of strange and kind of gross. What is it? It's the essence of everything you see? That's vague. Oh, in this makeup store. Yeah, not that you mention it, this drink tastes like it smells in here mixed with some lemonade. What is this called? Oh, it's made by Jones? Berry Lemonade? Really? I guess it's vaguely raspberry lemonade, but there is still the liquid version of this store in here. I won't be buying any, but thank you and good job capturing your fine establishment into a drink. Honey, let's get out of here. That dad that was sitting next to me just ate a bean burrito and now I want one almost as bad as I don't want to feel the after effects of his.

Sometimes you go in expecting low quality jeans and you leave expecting diet pop to taste good. It's a crazy world where truth good denim is everywhere and diet drinks that don't taste as such are a diamond in the rough. A needle in a haystack. A boob in a PG movie. I think you can see where this is going and the direction is not towards things like bird's nests, birds, and bird houses.

Pomegranate is a distinct flavor and Jones captured it pretty well. They also got my hopes up by simply printing the word "hibiscus" on the bottle. You don't get hibiscus, but you do get diet and that is enough to make a grown man cry mostly because pomegranate and hibiscus together would be a match made in heaven. Instead, you get a decent pomegranate flavor, which is promptly ruined by a poor selection of artificial, diet sweeteners.

Dr. Jones, I like you. This is not your best work. I'm not going as far to say that it's a dead patient, but it could be something like leaving cotton swabs inside a surgery patient and then sewing that dude up like a bear you made in your seventh grade home and careers class.

Being a werewolf isn't all that it's cracked up to be. You know how in movies and books people only change in to the beast on nights of the full moon, well that's a load of crap. You're a wolf all year around. The only thing different about the full moon is that you have an undying craving for banana peanut butter sandwiches. Let me tell you those things are gross any other time, but as soon as that moon is shining down, it's all you can think about.

So yeah, I have to live in hiding most of the time. It's annoying and I hate it. I have to order out for food all the time and leave money for the deliveryman so he'll leave the food at the door. I know what you are thinking and yes I do weigh nearly 300lbs from eating pizza and Chinese food every night, not to mention those stupid sandwiches. I don't even want to get in to how I get the money to pay for the food. Let's just say it involves a web cam and a razor. At least Halloween is right around the corner. It's the one time of year that I can go out and interact with people without them freaking out. I usually win some bar tabs for best costume as well. Pretty rad. I also love the candy of Halloween. I'm a fat wolf I've learned to deal with it. The bane (pun intended) of this festive candy is the candy corn. Everyone always has it out and without thinking I always throw a handful in my mouth, where I am reminded that it is gross and just a solid mass of sugar.

This year I saw this at a party and I had to grin and bear it as someone made a joke about me posing for the can. If I actually looked like that I would probably put a silver bullet right through my heart. That is one ugly creature. Well this was put in my hand, so I had to drink it. It really smelled like candy corn, so I was bracing for the worst. When I worked up the courage to take a sip I was pleasantly surprised to discover that it's a cream soda with a little extra something to it. It's 90% cream soda and 10% candy corn. It's a great ratio. It hints at the candy corn without the terrible texture. I wish I could find this throughout the year.

I really need to get out more. My people skills are at an all time low. I've snarled at my fair share of people tonight and I'm starting to get weird looks. I should probably head home soon. I really need to look into moving into a colony of "furries." I bet they wouldn't even notice that I wasn't wearing a costume.

Sometimes I feel like I need to go to a S.S.A. meeting (no that has nothing to do with the Nazi SS, I'm not a scumbag). I would walk right up to that podium and say, "Hi, my name is Jason, and I'm a soda snob." I would then talk about how I bashed some sub-par soda or another on this site just because it wasn't as good as some crazy specialty pop I had drank at some point months ago. I'm using the restraint I learned at these completely made up meetings in reviewing this soda.

I would like to start by saying that had I found and drank this pop in the time before Thirsty Dudes ruled my life I would have absolutely loved it. The thing is that in the past year or so I have had the pleasure of tasting some of the best ginger beers this world has to offer. At this point a normal ginger beer just seems okay to me. I've also have this undying need to drink insanely strong ginger beers that burn your mouth/throat for hours. My girlfriend has the taste buds of an infant and she would probably say that this is too spicy for her. To me it's very mild. For a normal drinker, it would probably be somewhere in the middle.

This has the typical Jones sweetness to it. I was expecting it to be very candy-like and for it to basically be a glorified ginger ale. Luckily it does taste like a real ginger beer, and I'm thankful for that. I need to search out what other flavors Jones has as Canadian exclusives, but until then I'll have to keep attending these meetings in the church basement.

Elves. What is worse than stinkin' elves? Everyone is always like "Oh the elves are so cute. The elves never do anything wrong. Stop beating that elf over the head with that leg of lamb." How is it that I am the only one who can see them for the sneaky little turds that they are?

Here's a perfect example. Last week my barrels of cream soda I have been brewing were just about ready to be drank along with the mead. This morning I went to go check on them and give it a little tasting and four of the five barrels were gone, and the fifth had been drained. Of course I didn't see them do it, but as I stormed out of the still one of those little buggers yelled "Sneak Attack" and they all giggled. I know it was them. They are the ones responsible for all of our goods that go missing. If we went and stormed their fortress in the woods I'm sure we'd find it all. We'd find my sweet, sweet vanilla cream soda. Sure, it might actually be a little too sweet, but I don't see you doing any better. The vanilla taste is great, without leaving much of an aftertaste. Oh man I was so smart to use the inverted cane sugar to sweeten it. It made the soda way less syrupy. I'm getting all worked up now. I want that soda, and if it takes elven blood being spilled for that to happen....SO BE IT!!!

ps: I'd like to say this was a special blend, but it's really just the normal Jones cream soda with a different label.

Jones soda is the middle child of pop. It's been around for a while, but it's not old and respected like the oldest child (Pepsi/Coca-Cola). But at the same time, it's not as exciting as new and upcoming sodas. It's often forgotten about in favor of the flavor of the month, or the old standbys. I've overlooked it many times because in the back of my head I think, "It will always be there". Someday, maybe it won't be. Maybe the middle soda child will get so sad after being pushed aside for so many years that it will run away.

I don't want that to happen, which is why I picked up this bottle. Upon taking the first sip, I remembered that Jones rarely disappoints me. Despite the blue color, this tastes like a blackberry. It's really tart from the lemonade, which is nice. Despite it being pop, I think this would be really refreshing on a hot day. I can't be for certain as I was drinking this in an air-conditioned room.

Jones, please don't run away. We love you!

Fighting dragons is hard work. I've been up until sunrise everyday this week protecting my village from them. My chain mail is starting to chafe my body. Have you ever worn chain mail for 5 days straight without changing? Let me tell you, it's not comfortable. I'd rather bathe myself down river from the latrine than have to wear chain mail this long. I'm out here all alone because no one else is willing to stand up to these dragons. Hold on, here comes another one now...

*20 minutes later*

Oh god, did see the size of those spikes? Brutal! He got my arm pretty good, pieced right through my armor. Oh man this smarts! You don't have any healing potion on you do you? Jones Potion of Healing? Hmmm, never heard of that brand. Is that the stuff that made William of Norwood go blind? Okay good, because I need my sight to fight dragons.

*Pours a little on his wound and then takes a sip*

Mmmm, not bad. Much better than the last healing potion I had. It tasted like dragon pee. How do I know what dragon pee tastes like? We'll leave that story for another time. This is much better than expected. It has a nice, but light, black cherry taste. What? It's sugar free too? I can taste that a little, but it's definitely better than most sugar free healing potions I've had before. Aside from the taste, I'm not sure how good of a healing potion this is. My arm is still bleeding pretty badly. I think I need to lie down for a minute. Wake me up if any more dragons come.

If you didn't chuckle at the name of this drink I assure you, you have no soul. It's funny. You know a little wacky word play. I give up. You were tragically born without a sense of humor.

I would have really liked this a lot more if it didn't have dairy in it. It really would have made a great juice. All of the berries really blend well together. Instead it tastes like a liquid version of those Lifesavers Creme Savers candy. Those never sat right with me. Solidified creme is just plain strange.