Mistic - 5 Reviews

Supervillianry is a disease. It is not something that you can ever rid your life of. Once a supervillian, always a supervillian. The best one can hope is to be a supervillian in recovery. That is where Moloch the Mystic found himself in the early 80s; a supervillian in recovery. One important part of recovery is to keep oneself busy. Moloch did so by working on comparing lines of code for Adrian Veidt. When they proved to be not enough for his idle hands he created a beverage company, which he named after himself: Mistic.

In the beginning it was a huge deal. It was essentially wine coolers for kids ( you know non-alcoholic). Yes things were going well for Moloch, until that pesky cancer showed up and killed him dead. After that things kind of fell apart at the plant, but eventually they got their act together and production started anew. This time minus the bubbles.

Obviously the drinks aren't as good as they were in their heyday, but there is still a certain charm to them. Take this bottle of Tropical Fruit Punch for example. Sure they could have cheaped out and gone the Hawiian Punch route, but the folks at Mistic knew that their former president and CEO would never allow that. Instead they created a fruit punch that was a bit on the citrus side of things. It's a mixture of all things that would normally be thrown into a punch with slightly elevated levels of pineapple and orange. It really makes all the difference. Even though this is sweetened with HFCS, it is not too thick and syrupy.

It is a nice little treat that honors the legacy of a once terrible, then reformed man. Let us now bow our heads in remembrance of Moloch the Mystic, not for what he once was, but for the company he later created.

There was a point in my life where I thought that Mistic would eclipse the rest of the beverage world. It was nicely carbonated, it tasted completely amazing and exotic to my ten year old taste buds in the late 80's. Best of all they looked like wine coolers, so being the dumb kids we were we could act like adults (or older teenage girls of the time) after a long day of skating. Then they all just disappeared without a trace. I was dumbfounded as to what could have happened to my beloved drink. I pounded them whenever I could, so obviously the rest of the world was doing the same. Something must have been amiss. Perhaps it was a government conspiracy.

Probably a decade later Mistic reentered my world. The bottles looked similar, but they were no longer carbonated. My heart was broken. It just wasn't the same. It still had a great fruit flavor, but without it's bubbles, it sank into the scenery as companies like Sobe took center stage.

Now more than another decade has passed and I've encountered the beast again. The bottle has changed, and perhaps that is for the better. The old bottle always left me hoping in vain that it would be sparkling. With the new bottles my former dreams have been decimated, so I can enjoy it for the fake juice that it is.

What we have here is a “juice drink” that only has 3% juice in it, yet it really tastes like mango...strongly. It's ridiculously sweet and not very good for you with 56g of sugar in this 16 oz bottle, but what it lacks in health is surely there in flavor. Let's face it mango juice is not readily available in a lot of areas. Especially in the more inner city bodegas, which are the only places I ever seem to find Mistic drinks. Sometimes you just crave the mango taste, and this is a decent tasting substitute for when the real juice is not at hand.

I would now like to take the time to plead with the Mistic folks (who seem to have no internet presence) to please bring back your sparkling line, and make it exactly as you did when I was a child. I will buy a truckload. Actually how about you send me a truckload for free, for making you millions by reminding you how awesome you once were.

First off, what is going on with this bottle? It looks like it was left too close to an open flame and it melted. I know there are a lot of cool ergonomical bottles out there, but this really just makes no sense. It's not comfortable to hold and I really just feel like it's going to slip out of my hands every time I pick it up. Whoever drew up the plans for this is more than likely scouring the paper looking for a new job.

Secondly, this is a very appropriate name. It's very peachy (and a bit on the melon side as well) and it really tastes like I should be drinking this at a beach. The oppressive sun is beating down and I'd doing the best to find some shade so that my skin won't combust. I'm failing, as per usual, but at least I have this nice ice-cold juice to cool me down. Sure it tastes like fake peaches and melon, but hey who wants real juice at the beach. When you're knee deep in sand you want a party drink, and that is what Mistic provides. It's just too bad that in the time it took me to write that last sentence it went from ice cold to body temperature.

Bad bottle. Appropriate name. Average taste.

Everything about this drink makes me want to listen to a Flock Of Seagulls record. The color, the fonts, the taste, everything. I just want to listen to the 1982 self-titled record, watch one episode of Miami Vice, and watch "Summer School" with Mark Harmon and Kirstie Alley. I want to channel Chainsaw and get a pair of Cool Dude sunglasses, sit on the beach, and drink this.

It tastes like a tropical blue Freez-e-pop. There isn't that much to say. I don't really get blueberry or raspberry. It's hardly juice and it's mostly sugar, water, and flavoring. I'm not letting them get away with calling it "juice". I will let them get away with having a gnarly bottle that's almost hard to hold on to due to cuts, grooves, and angles. Who cares, though? If you drop it, that's on you, Jack. This is not bad. Get a bottle and share it with friends because no one should take in this much sugar in one sitting. Then, go watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre and watch syndicated episodes of Becker to see what happened to the pregnant girl from Summer School.

When I was in fifth grade, all of my free time was spent hanging out with my friends skateboarding. The funny thing about most kids from around here in the late 80's that skated is that only about 20% of the time we were "skating" was actually spent on your board. The majority of it was actually spent sitting on your boards in front of your local mini-mart. We spent way more time scarfing down snacks and talking about skating than we actually did participating. Our local mini-mart of choice was J&D foods. We would skate up there everyday we could and stock up on candy and our favorite Mistic drinks. We probably liked them so much because we were young, dumb and they looked like wine coolers. As everyone knows wine coolers are the pinnacle of coolness. Back then the juice was also carbonated. I can't even comprehend how many of those things I drank before they inevitably disappeared from our world.

The other day I was out riding my bike on an unseasonably warm day and I stopped at a little mart somewhere on the west side. It would have been more fitting if I were out pushing around on my board, which I'll add was my initial plan. Either way I probably looked like a complete idiot when I saw the Mistic. I may have audibly squealed, but we have no way of knowing for sure. When I finally drank it I was a bit disappointed that it wasn't carbonated anymore, but it was still pretty great. Unlike most "juice drinks" you find in mini-marts these days this actually has some juice in it. It tastes mostly like grape juice with a hint of strawberry in it. It really makes me wish it were still warm out so I could call some old friends and sit in front of a random gas station on our boards and talk about how awesome skating was, even though we could be skating at that exact moment.