Uludag Cola

Uludag: a name that strikes fear into the hearts of the common folk. It's the type of name that if this review were an old movie when it was said thunder would crash and lightning would flash. No one knows exactly what sort of evil lies in wait at the center of the Uludag mountains. All that is known if that when men enter the region they never return.

I will let you in on a secret. I know what the heart of the evil is and it goes by the duel names comfort and luxury. You see there is a little town at the summit of one of the mountains, and in that village there is a little shop that sells cans of Uludag cola. The people of the town are so friendly, the view is so exquisite and the cola is so tasty that visitors have no urge to ever return to their old lives. Sometime, early on, someone came up with the idea to start rumors of a monster or demon living in the area to deter people from showing up. No one is a fan of overpopulation; it would just ruin the allure of the town. Whenever a brave young buck ventured forth to vanquish the evil, they would eventually find the town, and be so intrigued by it that they would agree to the terms and stay. The other option would be for them to be publicly hanged, but luckily that option has never even had to be presented. It really is the cola that keeps people in that town. I know all of this because my great uncle lives in said town and once smuggled me out a can. I don't know what it is exactly that makes the cola special, but there is something in it. Unfortunately I could not read the ingredients, or anything on the can for that manner. There is a picture of a telephone, and I am shocked that such a small town in the mountains, that is trying to remain hidden, would advertise a phone number. It is a delicious cola though. At first it tastes like a high quality standard cola, but the more you drink, the more you notice a little something extra that makes it smooth with a little extra taste and it's great.

I just tried to research the language on the can to find out the ingredients, and you know what? My uncle is a big fat liar. There are no rumors of evil in Uludag, it's just a mountain in Turkey where a pop factory is. I feel like an idiot, but at least I know I can score more of this cola.