Couldn't Read Ingredients - 25 Reviews

For a drink that expired six years ago from the Ukraine, this sexy pear drink wasn't too bad.

Hey Song likes to take your every day soda and turn it on end. Since I can only speak English and minimal Spanish, I have no idea what this was supposed to be or what the ingredients are. I went in with an open mind, eager for something weird. I expected it to be white gourd or guava flavored because the color scheme would match Hey Song's juices of those flavors. Secretly I was hoping, and praying that this was going to be a cucumber soda. The can is green and it says refreshing; what is more refreshing than cucumbers? The answer is nothing. To summarize I was expecting something out of the ordinary.

What I was not expecting was a lemon lime soda, which is what I'm pretty sure this is supposed to be. The first couple of sips I drank took me a moment to place the flavor, but that is where my palate landed. As I drank a little more I started to notice another flavor as well, something a bit on the bitter side. I believe it to be tea. This reminds me a lot of the early versions of Steaz. It has that same extra flavor that the Steaz root beer had. It's unexpected, but kind of nice. It's certainly much better than a plain lemon lime soda would have been.

If anyone out there knows what this flavor actually is, and can confirm or disprove my review, please let me know. I went into this one with blind taste buds.

If you kill enough people while being a member of the Yakuza, you get your profile on a can of sparkling tea. The numbers are not advertised but I've heard rumors that number is somewhere between twenty and thirty heads. It's a perk of the job. If you don't get caught in the act, you can't get in trouble for stuff. That's how it works in the Yakuza. It's an organized syndicate that for as much bad stuff as they do, probably does some good stuff. They might save kittens from trees and they might save people from burning buildings. If you are on the right side of them, they can be pretty good dudes.

You don't get to pick which flavor can you are on. You just get it. The latest star was put on a can of sparkling black tea with lemon. He threatened the person who nominated him with his life because the tea is so awkward. It's a sparkling black tea and that's fine but the lemon is almost like a candy lemon and something in there is a little bit botanical. Honestly, the whole drink was just kind of strange. Not bad but strange.

Like I said, the Yakuza can be alright. Hold the door for them when you see them at the supermarket. Don't talk at movie theater when they are there. Don't make a scene at a restaurant when they are eating close to you. You'll be fine. You like them but you don't want to make them one step closer to getting on a can using your head as a number.

Our buddy Donnie over at Buffalo Eats gave us this little number. He thought he was going to get us something gross and to most people he would have succeeded but we're not most people. We've been around the block. Yeah, this is laden with chunks but you know what, son? Nata de coco has a pleasant chewiness to it and the flavor isn't too bad either. Apple lemon? That's new. That's different. It tastes like kind of a cruddy apple juice with some cruddy lemonade in there but together mixed with la chunks (French) it somehow comes together in a nice and chunky way. I love this chunky drinks category.

I would have to not be human to pass up this drink. When I was in a seafood/Vietnamese restaurant yesterday getting my bahn mi fix I saw this in a cooler and it was a no brainer. I didn't even know what type of beverage it was. All I knew is that it had a picture of an anime dude wielding a bat like a sword with a chain wallet on. It's absolutely ridiculous looking. It wasn't until I was waiting at the register that I discovered it was a sparkling green tea; an awesome can just became an awesome drink. The moment I fell in love didn't occur until I was back at my table and I took a sip to discover that it was actually a sparkling jasmine green tea. The stars aligned and new worlds were open to me. It's a drink I've never had before, had never even thought of existing before, but now that I've had it I feel stupid for not longing for it's existence.

I was told that it tastes like fancy soap smells. Not like fancy soap actually tastes, but how you imagine it would taste. I can't argue with that, but like my friend I also don't think it's a bad thing. Who among us hasn't bitten into a piece of soap hoping beyond hope that it will actually taste as good as it smells? Oh, just me? Well it's no secret that I am an idiot. If you dare to dream as I do, then this drink could be the secret to unlocking those self same dreams.

On a side note I wanted to know what Chakuka meant so I did a little internet search. The only thing I could find was that it is the name of an Austrian rapper. I hope that this drink is a result of him branding himself in other countries. That would be amazingly hysterical.

My friend RJ was talking up a sandwich. He lives in Brooklyn and what he says goes when it comes to food. He's never led me astray before, knows what I like, and is more worldly than I. Therefore, when told me about a Vietnamese sandwich called "bahn mi," I had to find it. I went to a place that was rumored to have one but they removed it from the menu. It would have been awful had the pho and chicken dish not been so good.

The next day, I did a little bit more digging around on the onlines and found another place. I went and they had one fried pork bahn mi left. I grabbed it, noticed that I was a dollar cash short and hate charging for little purchases so I, in true Thirsty Dudes fashion, bought drinks to make it worth my while using my card. One was a drink for a friend and the other was this little dude.

I ate this sandwich, loved it, took a picture which I did later post to Facebook but not with a sepia tone or worn edge or overexposed filter. You're welcome, internet users. The drink, though, the drink...great. It's a sweet, nicely bitter green tea with a maybe honey and maybe barley. Why do I say "maybe?" Well, due to this country not making people learn anything other than French or Spanish and don't start teaching until ninth grade, I don't know Taiwanese. It's cool, though. Trust me. You always have in the past.

Mike gave me this can of sarsaparilla, and I thought it was the same as the one I had reviewed early on in the history of the site. The can looks pretty much identical, except it's orange instead of red. I can't read the writing so I don't know if there are any subtle differences. I had intended to just sit back and relax with this nice fizzy drink, but when I tried it, it tasted a lot different than I remember. The first can I had tasted very woodsy, with a generic root beer undertone. This one has a light bubblegum flavor with a healthy heaping of licorice root mixed in. It's a weird combo. Some sips I think it's okay and then others I absolutely love it. It's definitely a unique flavor that is worth checking out.

Now the only questions are, “Is this the same stuff as I had before? Am I crazy to think it tastes so wildly different?

Oh big man. Yeah. You're a big man with a juice box. Look at you. You look ridiculous. You driving a Harley Davidson motorcycle, have a giant beard, and have a full time job as a lumberjack is completely negated because you are drinking a juice box. Look, I'm a librarian and I'm standing up to you. I am five foot two and you are easily a foot and a half taller and I feel confident standing up to you.

What are you even drinking there? Starfruit juice? Man! What a sissy! Can you believe this dude? Oh, you want me to try it? Yeah, dude. I'll crush this thing. Juice. Who cares. All day I'll drink this. Oh...oh man...what is this? This isn't starfruit. It's like a fruit that you meant to put sugar on but didn't know which container had the sugar and which had the salt and you made a terrible mistake. This tastes like salty fruit. Like that acceptable amount of salt in a Gatorade blown way out of proportion. Ugh, and you're just drinking this stuff? You really are a big man. I'm sorry about those things that I said. Drink boxes are secret recepticles that hide mystery drinks. My hat off to you. You are truly a manly man.

I don't know a thing about this beverage. The only words I can read on the label are “Fizzy Drink.” From the picture on the front I would assume that “Uzum” means grape, but when I tasted it I wasn't so sure. You see it tastes more like blueberries to me than grapes. I kind of get a little grape, but there's something in there that reminds me of blueberries. Dear folks of Turkey you make strange drinks that are strange, but decent. They are also almost candy like, but yet still like real fruit. I don't get it. I'm not sure I'm supposed to get it, and I'm okay with that. I'll just sit back and enjoy the ride. It's a tiny bottle, but it encapsulates a big flavor.

Our friend Eric from GourmetRootBeer.com took a trip to Portugal recently and brought us back this bottle of Sumol. There was also a can of the pineapple version that was lost to airport security. Damn the man! While I do love pineapple drinks, the one that made it back with him is nothing to scoff at. Eric described it as being similar to Orangina. I can see where he's coming from, but it is a bit different. When each of us took a sip we all thought it initially tasted like grapefruit Squirt. The more we drank the more the orange flavor set in. I'm still uncertain as to exactly what it tastes like, but I'm 95% certain that I think it's a lemon lime soda that has orange switched out for the lime. You can taste that actual orange juice is involved in the creation of this soda. That on it's own makes this better than the majority of other orange sodas out there. Now that we've finished the bottle I want to pull some sort of elaborate prank on the members of airport security that confiscated the can of the pineapple Sumol. I'm thinking something involving marbles, caterpillars and a whole lot of honey.

Uludag: a name that strikes fear into the hearts of the common folk. It's the type of name that if this review were an old movie when it was said thunder would crash and lightning would flash. No one knows exactly what sort of evil lies in wait at the center of the Uludag mountains. All that is known if that when men enter the region they never return.

I will let you in on a secret. I know what the heart of the evil is and it goes by the duel names comfort and luxury. You see there is a little town at the summit of one of the mountains, and in that village there is a little shop that sells cans of Uludag cola. The people of the town are so friendly, the view is so exquisite and the cola is so tasty that visitors have no urge to ever return to their old lives. Sometime, early on, someone came up with the idea to start rumors of a monster or demon living in the area to deter people from showing up. No one is a fan of overpopulation; it would just ruin the allure of the town. Whenever a brave young buck ventured forth to vanquish the evil, they would eventually find the town, and be so intrigued by it that they would agree to the terms and stay. The other option would be for them to be publicly hanged, but luckily that option has never even had to be presented. It really is the cola that keeps people in that town. I know all of this because my great uncle lives in said town and once smuggled me out a can. I don't know what it is exactly that makes the cola special, but there is something in it. Unfortunately I could not read the ingredients, or anything on the can for that manner. There is a picture of a telephone, and I am shocked that such a small town in the mountains, that is trying to remain hidden, would advertise a phone number. It is a delicious cola though. At first it tastes like a high quality standard cola, but the more you drink, the more you notice a little something extra that makes it smooth with a little extra taste and it's great.

I just tried to research the language on the can to find out the ingredients, and you know what? My uncle is a big fat liar. There are no rumors of evil in Uludag, it's just a mountain in Turkey where a pop factory is. I feel like an idiot, but at least I know I can score more of this cola.

About a month and a half ago we got together with the guys from Buffalo Eats to do a podcast. While the interview/us being idiots was going on we drank a couple of drinks and did brief “on air” reviews. The podcast just went live yesterday and while I was listening to it I realized that we never wrote a review for Mendoncino for the site. It is a mixture of fresh ground pepper and sweet strawberries that actually has peppercorns floating in it. We had conflicting feelings on it, so here are some quotes from the podcast:

a lunchroom-esque OHHHH*
Derek: “Jason just recoiled in horror after he smelled it”
Mike: “It tastes like strawberries with peppers on it.”
Jason: “Something tastes really, really not…€¦I like the spiciness to it.”
Derek: “It tingles the tongue.”
Donnie: “It smells way worse than it tastes.”
Mike: “ There's like vinegar in this. Is anyone getting that thing where you pour it in your mouth and you breath in it's choking you?”
Jason: “I'm getting asphyxiation.”
Mike: “Yeah I was going to say, this is auto-erotic.”
Jason: “I assure you there is nothing erotic about this drink.”
Derek: “I'm getting exactly what it says, it's strawberry and pepper. Just pour black pepper over a strawberry.”
Jason: “Something about it is fermented a little or something.”
Derek: “It's definitely fermented, not as much as Fentimens though.”
Jason: “Fentimens is delicious though, this is atrocious.”

Mike gave it a two, I gave it a one and Derek gave it a three, so by the law of averages it is getting a two-bottle review.

To listen to the full podcast go here. The review of this drink can be found from 45:30-48:45.

The fine folks of Azerbaijan have dreams, big dreams. In case you didn't know it Azerbaijan is a country in Eurasia that borders Armenia. If you didn't know that you certainly did not know of the countries collective love of all things bubblegum. The people of Azerbaijan dream of a world where all things have a bubblegum flavored equivalent: ice cream, steak, asparagus and even sugar. They have come close to their goal. In fact just recently that have perfected a bubblegum flavored pickle that I'm told will knock your socks off.

Now that their goal is nearly achieved they have decided to up the ante a bit. They now want different flavors mixed with the classic bubblegum flavor to give people options. You know that classic Azerbaijan saying, “Life is all about options. Without them people are no better than a tortoise.” Well they take that very serious, so their scientists have been hard at work at splicing flavors. So far they have perfected the coupling of bubblegum with mint, cantaloupe, cardamom and the often sought after artichoke. Rumors have it that recently the scientists have set their sights on the flavor of pear, you know apple's bastard cousin. I believe what I hold in my hand here is a concentrate of the pear bubblegum flavoring. I say that because the flavor is so strong and sweet that to think it was an actual beverage blows my mind grapes. I hadn't even twisted the cap off all the way before the entire room I was sitting in suddenly smelled incredibly strongly of pears. It is strange because once you get the cap off and smell the liquid directly it smells more of bubblegum than pear, but it's still detectable. The flavor is that of the strongest cola champagne I have ever tasted with slight undertones of pear. I guess it's true what people say that the people of Azerbaijan love their bubblegum flavor, but sometimes like a pinch of something else. Had I not known the history of this fine country I would have not expected this beverage to taste like this at all. I would have expected simply nothing but sparkling pear juice. That is why you must learn the history of the world, so that bubblegum flavored drinks don't sneak up on you.

I'm glad I cornered you here in this elevator. I bet if we weren't both professionals this would seem really creepy. You know, a guy chasing another guy from the parking lot into a building, and then just narrowly making it into the elevator before the doors closed. If this was a movie I bet I would kill you shortly. Oh don't worry, this isn't a movie and I'm not going to kill you. Or am I? No I'm just joshin' ya.

The reason I wanted to talk to you was because I have a great idea for an episode of your show. No, no please let me finish before you say a word. Okay I know you go into a lot more technical stuff on the show, but I have an idea to do a show about a drink. A specific drink at that: Ichitan's Double Drink. I know you've heard of it because it's one of the most popular drinks in Taiwan and I know you're a worldly man. Here's the breakdown. First you take some nice pale dry ginger ale and shake the crap out of it for a good twenty minutes. Then you open it over a barrel and let the now uncarbonated soda pour in. Secondly, you take a container of plain aloe juice and filter out all of the chunks. The liquid gets poured into the barrel, and I don't care what you do with the chunks. Maybe play pranks with them. Finally you take the contents that are in the barrel and add a buttload of electrolytes so that it has that specific aftertaste that the Rain line of Gatorade has. Shake it all up and put in a bottle to be sold. It's delicious I tell you. I know they throw some berries on the label, but that's just for show.

Oh, I don't work for the company. I just love the drink, and this is how I've recreated it at home. Wait…€¦.what? You don't work for How Stuff Works? You're actually just a janitor? Well why did you let me waste my time you jerk. I'm getting you fired and possibly arrested for impersonating an executive. Prepare to meet your cell you worthless liar!

Derek's daddy brought this back with him from Korea. It's been sitting in my fridge for months, waiting for the perfect time to review it. Apparently the perfect time was never going to arrive so I grabbed it on my way out the door to a Thirsty Dudes meet up yesterday. I mean is there ever a perfect time to down a can of asparagus juice? Maybe at a family holiday party, but in my world the real stuff is there, so I don't need juice.

At Mike's house we all laughed at the comically out of proportion can on the label. The woman looks so excited to be hanging out on the beach with an obscene amount of asparagus juice. Maybe that's where I went wrong. Perhaps this drink was solely for enjoyment at the beach. You can't argue with that smile. Once our laughter subsided I positioned myself over the sink as I was 90% sure I was going to instantly spit it back out. I cracked open the can and took a sniff. I really had expected this to smell like your pee after you eat a bunch of asparagus. I understand that is completely revolting, but that's how my brain works. Instead of weird pee the liquid in the can smelled like metallic soup. More specifically like spicy vegetable soup that was stored in old tin cans that some kid unearthed while digging in his back yard looking for dinosaur bones. I took as sip and surprisingly was able to swallow. It tasted exactly like it smelled. It was better than I expected, but not as good as I secretly hoped. It tastes absolutely nothing like asparagus, just weird old soup. Imagine if this tasted exactly like a nice lightly salty asparagus that had been sautèed in an obscene amount of garlic. That would be delicious. Instead I get old soup, and no one wants to drink that. Everyone had a sip or two and then the rest went down the drain, where it belongs.

I knew that soursop had another name, and I like soursop. It's nice and fruity. I had it in my mind grapes that white gourd was soursop under a different name. I sat down ready to enjoy a nice fruit blast. I didn't get that. I didn't get that at all. Instead I got a mouthful of "cereal tea." My ladyfriend says it tastes like the Japanese dessert mochi. She's right it does, and I don't like those either.

You can take a sip of this and hold it in your mouth for as long as you can hold your breath, and all you will taste is a weak sweet tea. The moment you swallow and breathe it's all cereal and rice. The fact that this comes in a juice box is mind bottling. Maybe children in Taiwan are just accustomed to this flavor. If you gave this to Joe-Schmoe elementary school student I bet they would slap you in your face. I wouldn't blame them. Now I really wish I had some soursop.

You've had it before, you have forgotten about it, and for that, you should kick yourself because Vanilla Coke is as good as it ever was. The same as it ever was. The same as it ever was. This can, unlike cans that Americans buy, is from Thailand. Derek's daddy got it for us. Sure, on one side it says "Coca-Cola" in English, and "vanilla" in a sweet, 80's font, but everyone knows what that looks like. The other side is the money shot.

Flavor? I have always loved vanilla coke. I will admit that I haven't bought it in a while, but that's because I find it hard to find in a single can or bottle. I don't need a twelve pack of anything so I just skip right on by that purchase without taking a second glance. I don't know what this is sweetened with, whether it's real sugar or corn syrup, but this can't didn't really stand a chance once I took a drink.

Coke, you are great in many languages. For that, America, Taiwan, and other countries that decided to remain anonymous when I took the poll thank you for your years of dedicated service.

Oh man I could really go for some Thai food. Some peanut satay would really hit the spot, specifically in wrap form. That would be delicious. A nice wrap of peanut sauce and tofu. Maybe I'll go a little crazy and get some ginger on it. What do you mean you don't serve satay? I'm sorry. I thought any self respecting hot dog stand would be well stocked in the foods of other cultures. I guess this world just isn't the place I thought it was. It looks like I'll have to go see what that little market next door has.

Hmmm they don't have any prepared foods, but the woman working the counter did recommend this drink to me. I like soy milk so why not. Oh wow this does taste exactly like peanut satay. Actually this is kind of gross. It makes me feel like I was in a horrific car accident and had to get my jaw wired shut, and as a result my jaw has been wired shut, and I need to have all of my foods liquefied. Okay after two sips I can't drink anymore.

Dear Day to Day, I don't know what peanuts have to do with bean milk, but screw you for putting me off peanuts for a little while.

For your viewing pleasure and enjoyment. I have drank and video'd my review for 7 Eleven's very own "Essence of Chicken." Watch the video and let me drink this for you.

They promise. They deliver. Or I can only assume, since I can't read the packaging. This is a guava juice box. When I was a kid I always got Ssips juice boxes. While those were all well and good, if I had gotten a guava flavored one I would have been one ecstatic kid. I'm pretty sure this is only 15% juice, but it's still enjoyable. Do you have a kid in elementary school? Treat them well. Get them some fancy juice boxes.