Taiwan - 98 Reviews

This is the last baby can of coffee I've got to review. It half makes me sad but between you and I, I've got extra duplicates at home that I can enjoy whenever I want.

I don't know why I like this stuff so much. It's the same review as it always is; it's sweet but not too sweet. It's smooth because of the milk (powder). This did taste a little different but I wouldn't be able to explicitly say, "Oh, that's a Blue Mountain right there." It's got a great coffee taste and is not bitter at all. It's good, though. I don't know why we filthy American's don't embrace stuff like this. This is sweetened, canned coffee. We love coffee here. Embrace it, turds. You'll love it. Why do I call you turds? Because this is my website, not yours. This is my soapbox. You don't talk to the man on the soapbox because he's got something important to say. I mean, he brought that box to make a statement and he's going to do it.

Go to your local Asian market and get this. It's not hard to find. Buffalo is hardly a metropolis. If you are in an equal sized city, you've got a bunch of markets. Just walk in, grab a couple cans, pay for them, and sit in your car and cry because your wife left you for a younger man. Also, drink this.

So much Taiwanese coffee. I have been sharing the "wealth" and turning people on my team on to the Chin Chin's and the Mr. Brown's of the world. This is good. I don't drink cappuccino. Does it normally have chocolate in it? Is it coffee beans or espresso beans? Who cares? It was good. It was as smooth as you would want plus that little bit of chocolate turned it into a nice little dessert after lunch. Thirty Helens agree that this cappuccino is worth the $0.79 I paid for it. I would have been able to drink the whole can but you know what? Share it with a friend. It's 9.1 ounces. It is fine, even if it is sweet. Hence, split the difference and make your friend happy. He just had to listen to you talk about your dumb kids for like fifteen minutes. The least you can do is offer him $0.395 worth of cappuccino. Plus, even in this day and age, saying that you will share cappuccino makes you sound like a real fancy pants. Tell your country mom and dad that you bought someone a cappuccino and you will impress them more than when you just barely passed high school and got a solid 2.3 GPA in college. Let's face it, if you were truly bound to do great things, you wouldn't need to impress them with phrases like "I bought my roommate a cappuccino." and "I just got promoted to assistant manager at the candle store, daddy."

Mr. Brown. What's wrong? Why are you sweating? Come into my office. I heard you yelling at my receptionist. What's going on? There was a murder? What happened? A stabbing? Mr. Brown. That's a very intimate way to murder a man. I'm pretty sure the last time we spoke I told you not to murder someone, didn't I? That's what did it? I put the idea in your head? Don't put this on me, Mr. Brown. You are the one that stabbed someone. How many times? Seventy two times? Who was it? Your gardener? What did he do? Trim your topiary incorrectly? He formed it into a what? A wiener?! Mr. Brown, that's no reason to stab a guy six dozen times. Well I don't know what type of service I can offer you but...oh...you know what? Good thing you came in here. I wanted to talk to you about something. What? Yes, I think those are police cars. Hey I wanted to tell you that I tried this Macadamia Nut iced coffee and it's some of your best work. Sure you can lock the door. Take a seat, Mr. Brown. You're making me nervous. I'm trying to tell you that I really liked this iced coffee. It's smooth, like I would expect anything else from you but the nuttiness is very prevalent and enjoyable. I would never tell you to change your cans or serving sizes but it was hard not to open another one. I know what's right for me and if I have a second can of your coffee, I'd be bouncing off the walls much like you are doing. Why are you so nervous? Oh, right, the stabbing. You can try to jump out the window but we're on the second floor. You have a nice suit on. It would be a shame if you scuffed it up when you hit the ground. You think you can do it? You're really going to have to tuck and roll to pull this off, Mr. Brown. You're going to do it? Well don't let me get in the way. I'll actually help you out with the window as the latch is a bit tricky. Well if you don't get caught are we still on for Saturday at the golf course? Alright. Oh, you have a plus one? Your other gardener? Is he a good golfer? Better than me? Mr. Brown, you're as good a comic as you are a murderer. Have a good one. I'll talk to you soon if you don't get in trouble. I think they're knocking down my office doors. Remember to bend at the knees. Take care, Mr. Brown.

Something about this coffee takes me back in time, to a time that I never knew. The sunny 1970's. With every sip I feel my hair get greasier and my pants get wider. I feel the shag in the carpet get shaggier and all of a sudden all the walls have mirrors on them.

This coffee is sweet coffee with cream in it. Deal with it. Want black coffee? Get the hell out of my house. Get the hell out of my wood paneled house that all of a sudden plays nothing but Abba songs. It's not too sweet and neither the sugar nor the cream detracts from a decent coffee. I think some might think that it's too sweet but it's not going to put air holes in me ol' chompers. Is it going to win any awards? Probably not but I'm not going to turn it down when offered. Who is offering me Taiwanese coffee drinks in indestructible steel cans? No one. I need to find new friends.

Mr. Brown, it's so nice of you to return. It's been a while. How long has it been, old friend? Since 2013? Well it has been too long. Please, take a seat. What have you got for us today? Vanilla iced coffee? Well why don't you pour us a couple glasses and we'll get down to business.

This is nice. I see you haven't lost your edge in this game. This is good. It's the same great coffee taste with the smoothness of some vanilla. I'm surprised you hadn't thought of this earlier. Just the right amount of sugar to have to be drinkable and still using those indestructible, adorable cans, I see. Mr. Brown. You've done it again. I don't know how you do it, but you've got quite the empire on your hands.

Thank you for stopping by and giving me a sneak peek at this new little number. I'm sure it will do very well for you, as the rest of your little drinks do. Get home safely and please, Mr. Brown, try not to murder anyone on the way home, alright, friend? I'll talk to you soon.

Ahh tea: The drink of the gods. Sure, some people might say that it's wine but they are wrong and simultaneously dumb. Tea is the drink of the gods. It comes from the earth and goes back in. Cycles. It's all about cycles.

This tea is not like black tea and it's not like green tea. There is a certain maturity to Oolong tea that you don't get with a basic black or a green. It somehow tastes aged or weathered or something. This tea in particular is good. You know, Ito En knows what's up. They really nail it on their unsweetened teas. When Thirsty Dudes is inevitably bought out by Rupert Murdoch, I will spend the $45 that Jay and I have split from the $90 that he offered us that we idiotically accepted with no counter offer on iced tea. It's the only just thing to do. This tea though, man. It's good. It's a dark flavor that can only be acquired by way of trial and error. It's good. Rupert, buddy, we're waiting for your check and if you tell us "it's in the mail...well, we'll probably believe you."

Some people enjoy things like lavender or chamomile to calm them down but something about this drink is really putting the relax into me.

It is a good split between milk, smooth and Earl Gray, a pretty neutral tea. Lightly sweetened and placed gingerly into a baby carton, this drink provides countless minutes of sipping pleasure. It's not bitter, not too sweet, and is a good blend of everything that you would want in a milk tea, if you have ever heard of milk tea before and craved it. Hey, I've had stranger cravings for things.

Like I said, this is a relaxing, smooth drink that is meant to be sipped on your front porch, back porch, beachfront property or anything in between. I am very relaxed drinking it. Either that or the fact that I'm listening to Das Racist "Relax."

John left from a long day of work and he was exhausted. He looked out the window of his of car and it was snowing and he knew that his day was not over because he knew before he was going to be able to kick off his shoes and sit down he was going to have to shovel. He didn't hate shoveling but after a long day of work, he just wanted to relax. He pulled up to his driveway and saw the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Someone had plowed his driveway. He had no idea who it could have been. He ran inside to get a gift and started knocking on his neighbor's doors to see if he could find out who it was.

He went to one neighbor who owned a plow but he wasn't home. He went to another house and his wife answered the door. John asked if her husband was home and she said that he was and went to go get him. A short moment later he came to the door. John asked him if he plowed his driveway and he told him that he did.

John was so thankful he nearly hugged the guy. He held back and thanked him graciously and handed him a carton of a drink. The man asked what the drink was to which John replied, "It's milk tea." The man didn't know what to think and John said that it was a great secret that he would pick up at Asian markets every once in a while and he thought that he would thank him with it. The man thanked him and asked if he wanted to split it with him. John said he would and they both went into the house.

The man poured the drink into a glass for him and drank out of the carton himself. He took a small sip and then took a larger sip. He told John that he liked it. He said that it tasted like a cup of tea with some sugar and milk in it and that it was so simple it made it even better. He said that the milk kind of disguised the actual tea flavor but that it was still good and he was happy he knew that this new product existed.

John and the man finished their drinks and John once again thanked the man for plowing his driveway. The man said that it was no problem and if he ever had some extra time and a car wasn't in the driveway that he would do it again. John was happy to have a neighbor as nice as that.

Shane. Get in here. What are you thinking with this? We can't put this out to the public. It's...it's...bland. It also tastes like it might have gone bad. Why is it with every sip I feel like I'm drinking the black plague? It's just a lightly fruity tea. Sure, it says it's "green tea" but I don't really get any bite. As for the plum, yeah, it's there but between the two of them, they're just kind of mellowing out in a sea of mediocrity.

I don't know what's gotten into you lately. You said you were working on something great and this is it? I don't know. We might have to think about getting a new research and development guy in here because this is beyond lackluster. It feels dangerous to drink, actually. Oh. Oh. You say this isn't what you've been working on and it's just something that you mixed together with some stuff you found in the communal kitchen? Oh. Well sorry, Shane. What have you been working on? A diaper that can hold more poop? You're wearing it? You've been wearing it for how long?! Six days? Shane?! That's disgusting. Disgusting and brilliant. You've kept your job buddy. Keep up the good and non-stinky work.

Looking to expand your horizons? Sure. Why wouldn't you be? No one likes to be stagnant. No one likes to eat the same thing over and over again. No one likes to do the same thing time and time again. People need variance. People need change. I bet you don't drink juice with chunks of fermented coconut in it. If you do, I think the next step is something sassy like latex fun. If you haven't gotten there yet, chunky drinks that taste like flowers are the previous step. It's a good step, too. Sometimes the flowers can be too perfumy but sometimes they can be alright. In this drink's case, they are pretty good. There is a nice, firm texture on the coconut chunks and the flavor is a nicely sweetened, nicely floral little number.

You should know as soon as you drink this, though. You should know that the next step is, as I mentioned before, latex fun. Tight stuff. Stuff with zippers. Like it or not, that's next. Brace yourself. It gets hot in there.

Look, if an iced tea can even possibly be good past its expiration date, I'm fine with it. Those are just suggestions anyhow, right? Sure, this expired in April and here we are deep into December but honestly, how bad could it have gotten? There isn't anything in this drink that could really go bad. I suppose that could be a bad thing in itself if you think about it. Like that shot of a McDonald's cheeseburger every day for a month that looks just as good as the day it was purchased. Something that will never die and never tarnish is wrong in itself. We're supposed to age. We're supposed to get wrinkles. That's what our natural, genetic makeup is telling our bodies to do. Get hunchy, get grey, and get upset when people walk on your lawn.

This drink, old age and all, was good. I don't think that if I drank it in it's specifically allocated time it would have been any better or even different really. It tastes different than American lemon green teas. It's almost hard to place what makes it different but something here just tastes more right. It tastes like there is some actual tea in there. Sure, in the ingredients it's listed as "green tea extract" and "green tea flavor" but that's about all you can get out of green tea, right? Lemon juice concentrate is real lemon. Honey is honey. "Lemon flavor" is a bit sketch but it's lemon. Who cares? We know what it tastes like. This might be all of the above ingredients plus a hint or essence of something floral.

If I ever go to Taiwan, I will most certainly look for M. Bison, but after that search promptly grinds to a halt, I feel like I will have fun looking for drinks like this because this tastes right.

Viva Aloe! That is a statement I can get behind. I don't know how a plant that tastes so much like poison when found in nature can be transformed into such a tantalizing beverage, but some things you are just not meant to know. Other things that I didn't need to know include that there are more chickens on the planet than humans (the great poultry revolt will soon be upon us) and that the guy from Drew Carey did the voice of Batman in one of the cartoons (way to talk about taking you out of the awesomeness that is Batman).

This may be the first aloe drink that I have tasted that tasted fresh and not like it came from some mix. The bottle boasts, “no gelatin, no powder, no artificial color or flavors,” so it looks like I was somewhat correct. It's also make from real fruit juice, which is a nice change from the fake flavors these drinks normally have. This also has mammoth size aloe chunks in it, amongst the smaller ones. It's mostly smaller chunks that are the size they are in most aloe drinks, but every once in awhile you get a huge hunking one and it's wonderful.

On top of all of that this is the only watermelon flavored beverage…€¦actually any watermelon product that I have had that doesn't taste like a Jolly Rancher candy. This actually tastes like the fruit. It's subtle, but it's there and it doesn't taste overly watered down like I imagine straight watermelon juice would. I think this is a miracle of nature.

I also see that this company makes a honeydew variety and I must now hunt that down before I can die happy.

Mr. Brown, I've come to your house not to sell you vacuums, not to sell encyclopedias, and not to sell knives that cut pennies but not tomatoes. I have come here to shake your hand and thank you for your consistently great coffee drinks. Whether it be a Blue Mountain blend, a latte, or a simple cappuccino, you hit it out of the park. You are the Babe Ruth of coffee drinks. You see what I did there? Are you a baseball fan, because I just likened you to one of the greats? Why no, I do not know anything about baseball. It's been about fifteen years since I've cared about baseball when I stopped collecting baseball cards.

Specifics? You've got it. This drink is smooth but somehow not too sweet. It's got a great cappuccino taste that isn't as bitey as some of the other cappuccino drinks. I shared some and the consensus was that you do good work. I will further that sentiment by adding that you should be proud of yourself for once again nailing it.

I'm sorry that I don't have much more to offer you in terms of gratitude. Here is...let's see what I've got here. I've got two dollars and...twenty two cents you can have and the knowledge that this review will be up on Thirsty Dudes dot com illustrating our love and appreciation for your drinks. Thanks again and don't worry about where I got your address. Let's just say it was in a little thing called the map to celebrities' homes that I bought from a man around the corner from here.

Hey Song likes to take your every day soda and turn it on end. Since I can only speak English and minimal Spanish, I have no idea what this was supposed to be or what the ingredients are. I went in with an open mind, eager for something weird. I expected it to be white gourd or guava flavored because the color scheme would match Hey Song's juices of those flavors. Secretly I was hoping, and praying that this was going to be a cucumber soda. The can is green and it says refreshing; what is more refreshing than cucumbers? The answer is nothing. To summarize I was expecting something out of the ordinary.

What I was not expecting was a lemon lime soda, which is what I'm pretty sure this is supposed to be. The first couple of sips I drank took me a moment to place the flavor, but that is where my palate landed. As I drank a little more I started to notice another flavor as well, something a bit on the bitter side. I believe it to be tea. This reminds me a lot of the early versions of Steaz. It has that same extra flavor that the Steaz root beer had. It's unexpected, but kind of nice. It's certainly much better than a plain lemon lime soda would have been.

If anyone out there knows what this flavor actually is, and can confirm or disprove my review, please let me know. I went into this one with blind taste buds.

All right fellas, it's time to make a batch of our mixed fruit juice. What do we have extra laying around? Okay, we have guavas and red guavas. Well that's not very eclectic. Sure I love guava as much as the next guy, but we already have these cans printed up and they say mixed fruit. If we just go with guava, even though it's two different types, we should really just call it guava juice. So, what else do we have? Tomatoes? Seriously Bonny? Tomatoes aren't a fruit; they are a gross vegetable! What do you mean they are a fruit not a vegetable? You know what I will Google it! Well, would you look at that, tomatoes are officially considered a fruit…€¦ who knew? You're all telling me that you knew they were considered fruit and not a vegetable? You're all a bunch of dirty liars, that's what you are. Anyway it looks like tomatoes are the only other fruit we have, so throw it in with the guavas.

Well that turned out much better than I thought. We may have gone overboard with the sweeteners, but I really didn't want this to taste like V8 at all, and we succeeded with that. People will never know that the other fruit involved is tomato, as no one ever reads ingredients anyways. Taste wise this ended up being a really thick guava juice. Actually, I would say it tastes like sugar water with guava juice mixed in. It's not the finest work that we have done here at Hey Song, but it could have turned out a lot worse with the ingredients we were left to manage with.

Espresso. It's life super caffeinated coffee. Also, so that I may be the voice of all baristas, there is no "X" in "Espresso." Although it will allow you to go faster as in "express mode," it does not get its name from that. As a matter of fact, no one really knows the origin or definition of the word "Espresso." It was made up as soon as someone tasted the stuff. It was born from an accident, you know, like Silly Putty. Someone improperly trained worker at a coffee shop in the 1700's went to go make a coffee, put the ground up beans in, poured someone else a cup of coffee, forgot he had already put beans in, crammed more beans in, idiotically couldn't figure out why it was so hard to close the machine with the normal amount of ease, and made a double batch of coffee.

That drink, an incorrectly brewed cup of coffee, birthed the espresso and also birthed Master Cafe. You see, the worked, having sold a couple dozen cups of his new, super strong blend, declared himself "Master Cafe" because people wanted his drink. Eventually that worker moved on to leave the company and just make this coffee. He handed it down from generation to generation until today where it is the same blend just with more sugar. When you put coffee in cans, you put sugar on it. It's a rule. It is a stronger than coffee, coffee drink with enough sugar to make it so people that don't completely love the bitterness of coffee enjoy it.

I enjoyed this and I think it is a fine homage to that faithful although misinformed employee that simply forgot what he was doing and turned that mistake into an empire. Here's to another three centuries, Master Cafe.

Deep in the jungles of Taiwan, there is a man called Hanklin. His mother wanted to name him "Hank" and his dad wanted to name him "Franklin" so they thought it would make the most sense to just combine them and everyone wins; everyone except for Hanklin who has a really dumb name.

Hanklin wanted to get out of the city. He was an extrovert. He moved to a jungle, hooked up a couple solar panels, built a 500 square foot house, and subscribed to satellite internet. Yeah, it's slower, but he's "off the grid." He works hard but doesn't do so well with others. He tends to lose his temper over dumb things like getting sand in his shoes, when he's eating a hamburger and the stuff on the inside starts to fall out, and when people don't hold the door for him when he knows they know he's coming. He was a raw plastic salesman that uses the term "remote office" to its fullest extent.

He works day and night which is fine by him. When he needs stuff, he drives the fifteen miles to the closest town and goes shopping. He tries to make as little stops as he can. One day, he went to town and bought a bottle of ice coffee. He usually just drinks bottled water but he just made a big sale and decided to "splurge" even though he makes over $100,000 and probably spends less than $100 a week to live. He got home with his many, many melons, odd cuts of odd meat, suntan lotion, cases of water, vegetables, and toiletries and decided to crack open his new drink.

He took one sip and was brought back to when he lived in the States. A more complicated time filled with excess, noise, and complicated decisions. The coffee was good but it was a bit too sweet for his liking. It wasn't too much that he couldn't drink it, but it was sweet enough that he wouldn't drink it again. It smelled good, tasted alright, and was tall enough to span two drink sessions.

When he finished the bottle, he put it in his one weekly garbage bag and went on with his life. After all, now he had the energy to start selling the new Polystyrene beads that they got very cheap at a high markup that will net Hanklin even more money that he won't spend.

This is the perfect coffee for me. I like the smell of coffee but the taste is too strong and bitter. It's just something I can't manage. I drink drinks with chunks in it without blinking and drinks hotter than the fires of hell but coffee I just can't handle. You can call me a baby. I don't give a rip. This though, this smells like a strong coffee, which worried me at first but at first taste I fell in love with it. It somehow keeps the scent but the sugar, which is pure cane I should add, smoothes out the drink to a delightful place that I could spend all day in. Oh chubby Famous House mascot. If you could come to life and sit down with me, I would treat you to a can of this. Why I'm treating you to a drink that your company makes seems dumb since you could probably manage to get free cases of the stuff but nonetheless, I am thanking you for making such a good drink. You should feel honored having your pudgy face on that can.

I don't eat tiramisu because I'm not a big rummy. Yeah, those tasty ladyfingers are soaked in rum and you serve it to your kids. I don't mean to get preachy but that's bad parenting. Giving kids rum. Look, if you want to rub some on their baby gums so they can make it through the tough teething process that's your call. I didn't and wouldn't but that's a freebee if you want it. Tiramisu, though: rummy. This is a Taiwanese coffee drink that tastes, or is supposed to taste like that dessert delicacy but doesn't really. As a coffee drink it's fine but as a cake flavored coffee drink it's just not there. It smells like cake but doesn't really taste like it. Sitting here with the empty can net to me wafting the coffee scented cake towards my nostrils is a constant reminder that it could have been good. I'm about to throw this can across the room since it smells so good but is about half as good as it is leading me to believe it is. This indestructible can is filled with disappointment and hype. It's good, but a let down. I wanted cake and coffee for breakfast. I only got coffee and the sensation of someone eating cake next to me and not sharing.

We've all licked an old woman before, right? Whether it be on a dare of for pleasure, we know what old women taste like. Whenever we, the Thirsty Dudes, drink anything lychee, it brings us to horrid nights where we used to spend time with old ladies. Dancing, swooning, and kissing on the cheek. Lucky for us, this drink was a little bit different.

Right off the bat, the cane sugar is apparent as can be and actually tastes very good. It's like it almost has a bite like it was freshly made with real cane. I do not doubt that it's real, but it's the freshness of it that took me off guard. The chunks are as lovable as always; multisized and incredibly prominent. You can't get a sip in without getting a mouthful of those little gummy buggers. If you were scared of them and you tried to skim through your teeth, you would be left with a mass of gummy chunks on your teeth, which might be worse for you.

The flavor was actually pretty good. It was strong and very floral but it wasn't too much like many of the other lychee drinks that we've done in the past. All together it was a pretty good mix of sweet, chunky, interesting, and fruity. It was surprising.

We drank this on air for the sixty-third installment of the Buffalo Eats podcast. They seemed to like it and we all agree that it was not as bad as we thought that it would be which made it more than acceptable. Listen to our other podcast and the rest of Donnie's podcasts. He's a great dude and easily gets sidetracked by talks of music, video games, and other odds and ends just like us.