Taiwan - 98 Reviews

It's been awhile since I have delved into the world of unusual Asian beverages. I feel I'm about due to have some added texture in my drink. As a result I find myself sitting down with a good book and a can of grass jelly drink. Let me put my feet up, crack this can open, and begin our little adventure.

Before I even had the can completely open the smell of lychee was in the air. It's sweet, fragrant, and doesn't really smell like something you should consume. My first sip was all liquid, and all lychee. What is it about that fruit that makes it taste vaguely like perfume? I've had some lychee drinks in the past that I just couldn't finish, and I've also had a couple that I found to be quite pleasant. Luckily this can of Mone Lee Shang falls into the latter category. It definitely tastes like a perfume, but in an almost candy-like way. It's similar to those Violet candies that old ladies and Editor Dan love.

Before I took another sip i swirled the can around to mix up the grass jelly. That did the job. My second gulp was full of little gelatinous cubes. I know to a lot of people that would probably be disgusting, but I've grown to love a little texture in my drinks. They taste like a honey sweetened iced tea that was somehow made into Jello. If you pour this drink into a glass, so you can actually see the cubes it even looks like Jello that is the color of iced tea. The flavor of the grass jelly balanced out the lychee even more and made this drink truly enjoyable. I've read that grass jelly drinks are consumed in Asia as a way to beat the heat. It's pretty warm out there today, and I can concur that it helped me to fight the heat.

Alo what have you done! Your mother and I leave you home alone for two hours, entrusting you with keeping the house safe and this is how you repay us? It looks like you filmed a Beastie Boys video in here! All we can say is how deeply disappointed we are in you. You've always been such a well-behaved beverage. Sure you hung out with the weird flavored nerdy kids every once and awhile, but overall you got good marks. Lately you've been getting mixed up with an unsavory crowd like that Johnny Coconut kid. I don't like the cut of his jib. Don't argue with me! I don't care if it's the only jib he's got! That kid is bad news. Just look what he's done to our home and more importantly our precious aloe juice! He's tainted it! It no longer tastes wonderful and sweet. It doesn't even taste like chalky coconut water. How on Earth did you two get all mixed together and end up tasting like some sort of cereal milk? Have you been drinking? Please tell me you're not on the pot! The fun has even been taken out of the chunks. I don't believe this. We're you supposed to be babysitting the neighbor's kids, Peach and Kiwi? Where have they gotten off to, because I sure don't taste them in here!

I have a weird relationship with Coconut Water. I have nothing against him, but he's not my favorite. He always shows up in nice packaging and chilled, but usually leaves a sour (not literally) taste in my mouth. When I picked him up today, he was hanging out with my good friend Aloe Vera. Now I haven't known Aloe Vera as long as Coconut Water, but he's a good dude and he always brings a smile to my face.

When they showed up today together, I was excited to try them together. They had an interesting fragrance on, not bad but not mouth watering. They had "Goji Berry" and "Lychee" clothes on, two names I was familiar with and have liked in the past. Now I don't want to blame it all on him, but I wish Coconut Water wouldn't have come. He kinda ruined the party. Otherwise, I think it would have been a really fun and memorable experience. He just kept bumping into everyone else and making things a mess. It's too bad because I was really looking forward to this.

Hmmmm....it's half things that I like and half gross. Yes, it is a fact that I like chrysanthemum tea and licorice. Whatever else is in this can makes it taste downright dirty. I can't place what it is that I don't like. Honestly, it might be the licorice that overpowers the rest of the tea. You know when you just bought a bag full of black licorice Twizzlers and you eat a few too many and you get that strange, numbing flavor in your mouth? This is like that but there is no slow roll up on that flavor, it's just there when you sip it.

I wanted this to be good. The rest of it is a little tea and then disturbed by a slurry of, to me, unnecessary flavors. I give them credit for having an all-natural tea with some different flavor, but to my palate, it is not something that I desire.

Sorry, Taiwan. Not this time.

I drink a lot of aloe beverages. I love them, and I've never had one I didn't enjoy. I've also had an aloe dessert cup from an Asian market, which was great. Taking that into consideration when I was out walking around and I saw an aloe plant I decided to break off a leaf and eat it. Big mistake. Even though every aloe based product I've consumed has been sweet and delicious this was incredibly bitter and it tasted like uncut poison. Oh you didn't know you cut poison? You don't watch many movies do you. You have to poison people slowly so it goes undetected. If you don't you'll end up in "the hut." So it was foul and I hated myself for letting it touch my tongue. In order to feel better I realized I needed to renew my faith in aloe so I picked this up. It's pretty standard with the exception that Family uses real fruit juices in their drinks. The chunks are average size and there are plenty of them. It tasted like a mellow mango juice with pulp. Good times.

This is the flavor I was saving for last, but I decided to do it now. I don't like plums at all. But strangely, I don't mind this taste. It's been a long time since I've had a plum, so maybe it's time I try them again. Mary Liz likens this to kombucha that is less fermented. Seeing as I hate kombucha and have only drank a few sips of it in my life, I can't really back this statement up. Like the other vinegar drinks, it doesn't taste like vinegar much when going down.

To quote Mary Liz: "For something that's good for you, this is pretty good."

I didn't know what to expect with this. Upon first sip, it tasted like soymilk with an extra flavor to it. Then Monet reminded me of the mung bean dessert balls you get at Thai or sushi restaurants. That is EXACTLY what this tastes like. Even though we followed Jason's instructions to shake this prior to opening, the tapioca balls still stayed at the bottom. The tapioca balls are much smaller and less chewy than those I'm used to in bubble tea. Sadly, these would not be as effective if you were to spit them.

Monet's four-word review: dirt, leaves, metal, and banana.

This smells sweet, but as we know smells can be deceiving. I definitely get a strong banana flavor, which is weird because it's not marketed as a banana drink. I've never had basil seed before, so maybe that it the slight dirt/leaves taste I'm getting that Monet was referring to. This is alright, but nothing I really want to drink. I feel like this would be a good drink to give a kid who loved bananas but you didn't like. They would initially be excited about the banana flavor, but then the dirt aftertaste would kick in. Congratulations, you just made an enemy for life.

I enlisted my friend Monet to help me drink a few of my more interesting drinks. I am about to move back to Buffalo, NY and need to get through my big backlog of reviews.

Upon first trying this, Monet thought it tasted like a melted pink Otterpop. About two minutes later, a heat wave of vinegar rose up from her stomach. She immediately took back her previous statement.

Since I had tried a couple flavors of this before, I knew what to expect. Maybe it was mean of me to not inform Monet of the 2 minute wait time of the vinegar kicking in, but I wasn't aware of it the first time I drank this so I opted to let her experience it for herself. This is alright. The peach is nice, but the vinegar still doesn't sit well.

Oh Alo with your giant chunks of aloe. You treat me so well. Let me tell you all, y'all, a story about going to an Asian market. I went to an Asian market with Jay, Thirsty Dudes editor Dan, and some other friends and we came across an olive juice drink. I wanted to buy it so badly because of two reasons:
1. It would have been potentially gross.
2. It would have been potentially delicious.

I did not buy it because it was expired...by four years. As much as I like the idea of drinking milk that's two weeks old, I will not drink anything that's four years old. Why am I bringing this up? This has "olive leaf tea" in it and I hoped that it would taste like olives. Imagine my face when it didn't. It tastes like a sweet tea with chunks in it. Is that bad? Nope. Would I buy it again? No. Why? If I wanted a tea, I would buy a tea. If I wanted an aloe vera drink, I would buy one. I don't need two drinks in one. As novel it is, it's best not to mix something you're great at with something you aren't great at. I'm not belittling Alo, I'm giving them all the credit in the world for trying. Like I said, I'm not picking, I'm just stating an observation. This is a good drink, but it's like a hybrid car. I want all electric or all gas. I don't want to have to worry about plugging it in and filling it up with gas. I know that's not the same with all hybrids, but you know what I'm saying.

This is one of the better aloe vera companies and when it comes to bang for your buck, this company has some great and really different flavors.

While this pouch lacks a straw, it still reminds me of Capri-Sun. I never got them in my lunch box. I always had the cheaper Hi-C "juice" boxes in my lunch as a kid. Was I jealous of those who got Capri-Sun? Sometimes. If someone had put vinegar in Capri-Sun pouches, they wouldn't have been as popular.

These drinks are deceiving. On the first sip, you can't taste the vinegar at all. It's just normal pineapple juice. But then a few minutes later, your stomach is full of vinegar and it burns! I like vinegar, but not enough to drink it.

I have 3 more flavors of this to review. Not looking forward to them.

Much like Mike who reviewed the last chrysanthemum drink, I was disappointed that this didn't taste like earth. This tastes a lot like the other Famous House drink I had: loaded with sugar and no other taste. There is a slight black tea taste, but it's definitely not prominent. File this one under the "not great, but not horrible" category.

The great argument of what the greatest sketch comedy of all time is. Many would say Saturday Night Live. While I think it has its high points, it's never really held my attention much as a whole. There have been too many mediocre to bad seasons and cast members. For me it's a toss up between The State and Kids in the Hall. No matter how many times I watch the handful of seasons that each troupe had I always end up hysterically laughing. Those who say Mad TV, well they should just be institutionalized. That is one of the least funny shows to ever be produced.

You may be asking yourself "Self, what does sketch comedy have to do with guava juice?" The answer is that parrots remind me of the Kids in the Hall skit where Mark McKinney is a beaten down husband. His wife, played by Dave Foley, is about to leave for the day and is giving him instructions. He only answers with "Yes dear," which is then echoed by their pet parrot. In the end it seems that the parrot has more say than him and he suffers a break down. With each sip I took I heard the parrot say, "Yes dear" in my inner monologue. I say, "Yes dear" indeed. This is a nice juice. Things that come in large cans tend to be fairly cheap and chock full of cheap sweeteners and artificial flavors. This is actually made with real juice and cane sugar. It may only be 30% juice, but that is more than I would have expected it to contain. I love the way guava tastes. It's a fruit that I think the world needs to reexamine and use more.

An energy drink exists that doesn't taste like battery acid? No way! That can't be. The second ingredient in this is apple juice, which is exactly what this taste like, apple juice energy drink. Doesn't sound that appealing does it? If I had gone into this drink knowing it I probably would have had my doubts too. But it's actually not that bad, and I'm not the biggest fan of apple juice. Growing up, it was always the juice of choice in the fridge due to the low cost. This taste exactly like that cheap apple juice, but with carbonation and lots of caffeine added. Worlds better than most energy drinks.

Thanks to Thirsty Dudes I now have the wonderful fruit pomelo in my life. It's an Asian grapefruit that's not as acidic. I really enjoy it. When Mike and I found this in a little Asian market I quickly claimed it as my own. I wanted it to be a lot stronger than it actually was, but you can't win all of the time. It's an over sugared pomelo juice that has been watered down a bit. It's nothing spectacular, but it's still a decent drink.

Water, grape juice, fructose, and fermented vinegar are the only ingredients in this pouch. The first three sound like the ingredients to grape juice. But then you add....vinegar? As if the ingredients didn't weird me out enough, the tag line on the packaging is really interesting: "They quench your thirst and their acid content makes them a natural mouth freshener". I assume the 'they' in this content is the drink, or did we just walk into the middle of some weird anime?

At first I couldn't smell the vinegar, only the grape juice. Then a waft of strong vinegar hit me. This is the same thing that happened when I drank it. The first sip there was no vinegar taste. So for my second sip, I took a bigger one and got a strong vinegar taste. I really like the taste of vinegar, so i can't say this is bad. But it's not really that good. You only get slight hints of vinegar when you're drinking it, it's mostly grape flavored. But then when it settles in your stomach, it's all vinegar. I don't really understand the appeal of this drink. Maybe it's for people who like vinegar, but it looks weird chugging a bottle?

Oh man. I spent all day at the beach. I went swimming, built sandcastles, commented on how ridiculous a lot of the people looked there, went on Shark Watch 2011, and most importantly I got a wicked sunburn. I slathered myself in sunscreen and everything. I'm talking SPF 85 here. Still my archenemy the sun got me, and he got me good. Burn city. The only thing to do now is to cut a leaf/branch off of this aloe vera plant and rub the juice on my burn to sooth the pain.....

Oh wait I'm sorry I just drifted off there. I'm actually still in Buffalo, NY. It's 14 degrees out and snow is everywhere. It's pretty ridiculous that even in my escapism fantasies I still get terrible sunburn. It's my life. I'm cursed with being an "outdoor kid" that is easily burned. I don't even own an aloe plant. What I do have is a bottle of original flavored aloe drink. My only history with an original flavored aloe drink is with Aloevine. Theirs tastes like white grape juice for some reason. I had stupidly assumed that aloe naturally had a grape like flavor. Nope. Alo makes a more natural product without all the additives and there's doesn't taste like grape at all. It has a fairly nondescript sweet flavor. There are big chunks of aloe in it like all of their drinks. I'm a fan.

Now back to my dreams of the beach. This time I'm upping the SPF even more.

Let me walk you through a typical drink quest between Jay and myself. We hop in one of our respective cars and drive to where we think we haven't been before. We go to places you wouldn't dream of, east side type places. Oh your east side is nice? Then places like your west side. Our east side is bad. The late Walter Matthau couldn't have done squat with these kids. Rumor and probably some fact says that there was a racist city developer who said something along the lines of "Let's separate the whites from the blacks" and just put an expressway right down the center of our fair city. After that happen, the West Side flourished and the East Side crumbled and the line is virtually uninhabitable because we all know that no one wants to live "on the cusp" of danger or safety.

So Jay and I go to these places to get drinks. While the West Side has a lot of bodegas and markets, the East Side is uncharted waters to most and we try and get through it unscathed and with drinks in hand. This is just a little back-story on our dedication. We put our lives at stake to get juice, dude. We're serious as a heart attack.

We found this little guy and another one on our last adventure. We were excited to find a nice fruit juice with cane sugar and an adequate amount of real juice. 30%. That's almost a third of the contents. Credit where credit's due. The drink has many a flavor in the ingredients, but not all of them are evenly represented to the palate. Here's my personal taste breakdown from sip to swallow:

Banana -> Passion Fruit -> Orange -> (maybe) Guava.

I don't get pineapple or apple. I don't hate it. It's very fruity and very tropical. Pour this drink, which is written in both English and Spanish but made in Taiwan for some reason, into a coconut and call it a day.

Sarsaparilla in a can? OK I'm willing to try this. It was pretty cheap so I was expecting this to taste pretty cheap. Was I right? Pretty much. I didn't know it was possible to make a mediocre sarsaparilla. Then again, there are lots of mediocre root beers so I guess someone had to screw up sarsaparilla as well. This just strengthens my suspicion that no good root beers/birch beers/sarsaparillas come in cans.

Have you ever stopped at a small gas station down south? If the answer is yes you have probably seen the large pots of grossness that are known as boiled peanuts. Serious barf sauce. Soggy peanuts are no ones friend.

I was afraid this was going to taste like those sloppy nuggets. I lucked out today friends. This tastes like unshelled peanuts were ground into a fine power and then mixed that into rice milk. It almost tastes like peanut butter, but it's not quite there. It was very enjoyable. It's pretty thick.

I also found out while drinking this that Mike doesn't shell his peanuts. He pops the entire thing into his mouth and chomps down. Who does that? He said it like it's a normal thing that everyone does. The other four of us looked at him in disgust. He also doesn't believe in napkins.