Hong Kong - 4 Reviews

My mom always jokes around. I clearly get my sense of humor from her and my money management skills from my (Jewish) dad. I'm fine with that. I like it that way. If you asked my mom how she likes her coffee, she would say, "Black. Like I like my men." which is funny because it's funny but also funny because the man she married is so white…€¦ so white. My dad. My dad is so white, and Jewish. My white, Jewish dad is very white.

This coffee, like my mom's faux preference in men, is "extra bold" which is just black. "Black like the night" as my (Jewish) grandma would say about her hair, which was more brown than black but her eyes were bad. Lay off. You know how Jewish women love that black bob haircut. My grandma would always ask for it but somehow left the salon with a mouth full of gossip and brown hair. I do not remember her choice in coffee but her husband, like my mom's husband, my daddy, was a pasty white, Jewish dude.

Back to the coffee. It's dark and less sweet than you would expect. These Nescafe drinks are nice because it's right at the limit where I can take coffee before it gets too much. I strongly dislike actual coffee but these drinks are great. It's darker and less sweet than the regular one that I drank.

Grandma, if you're reading this from beyond the grave, know that I am inside wearing a jacket. Mom, if you are reading this in between handing out milk and opening brat kid's Capri Suns, I'm talking about you behind your back. Deal with it.

Here, if you have a cream soda, and I have a cream soda, and I have a straw. There it is, that's a straw, you see? You watching? And my straw reaches acroooooooss the room, and starts to drink your cream soda... I... drink... your... cream soda!

Wait…€¦You've tricked me! That's not cream soda at all!!! You're bottle clearly says Schweppes Cream Soda, but it doesn't taste much like cream soda. Due to the brand and the slightly yellow color my mind was half expecting it to be a ginger ale cream soda. Now that would be an amazing drink, but that wasn't it. It tastes like Kola Champagne aka bubble gum, with a hint of cream. You have disappointed me twice friend, and I shall leave you now as to not to be confounded a third time.

I'm finished.

Ringing in the new year is an exciting time for all. People make resolutions where they are really going to turn things around. Sure, come February you are back to eating at Arby's, but you had a solid month of eating well. One month at a time, friends. I spent last year doing what I do best: apathetically living my life. Oh, there are things that I care about, but in the least depressing way possible, I don't care about a lot of things. I don't really care about what anyone posts on Facebook since most of it is dumb e-cards, stolen phrases, or internal conversations that shouldn't be posted on a public forum. I've got a great group of friends that I love and anyone else I've met in the last five years has been promptly forgotten because they haven't done anything. I take care of my family and friends and everyone else can basically piss off. It's too hard to fake interest in everyone's nothingness so I just don't.

Today, in the new year, I decided to wake up and start this year off with a bang. Yes, on the second day of the year. Yesterday I was busy. What do you want from me? Coffee, right? Wake up, dude. It's coffee. This coffee drink comes to us from Hong Kong and is in that lovable, bulletproof container. It's just the right amount of coffee and just the right amount of sweetness. It's not too dark which I appreciate and although I am more tired than when I started, I can say that I tried with this one.

Kick in the new year's teeth with this drink and internally reflect on what you care about this year. Do you care about pictures of your acquaintances' cat? Nope. Do you care about meeting some dude at a bar that you will never see again and are questioning why you are shaking their hand in the first place? Nope? Don't waste your time but spend that time focusing on what you really want, like starting a band that sounds like Sade or creating a racket in order to legally bring in more money but make people second guess who you are as a person. That's what I've got planned for the rest of this year. Good luck to you and good luck to me.

I purchased this little gem as part of a mean sixer at a local Asian supermarket. I have been looking at it but have been too cheap to drop the necessary $4 to buy it. If it were in singles or an assorted pack, dude, I would have reviewed all of them, but when it comes to spending $4 on a juice box that I am going to drink one of and give the rest away, it's hard. I know my girlfriend has drunk two, Derek has one, I just drank one and that leaves a few more. I think I promised Jay one. Anyhow, the review...

I was impressed. I have had some strange, imported soy chocolate milk and they are gross. This rivals YooHoo, but probably not Nesquik because that is pretty darn fantastic in my opinion. This, to me, I think would be kid friendly, too. It's still a crap-load of calories (160) but if your son is lactose intolerant and needs chocolate milk, this won't make him get sick.

I really think that this could stand the kid taste test, too. If you had your kid drink 15 non-market chocolate milk boxes and then snuck one of these buddies in there, two things would happen.
1. I would call CPS on you because you just gave your kid 16 chocolate milks in one sitting and are a terrible parent.
2. Before you got carted away by the authorities, your kid wouldn't be able to tell the difference.

If you're vegan or lactose intolerant, get this. If you still don't want chocolate milk, enjoy your menial desk job, your boring car, your turkey sandwiches with the crust cut off, and your "Hang In There" cat poster, turd.