Do you know me? Do you know what kind of being I am? Do you know what I like? What I crave? Do you know of my love for smoothies? Do you know that I also have a love for all things “apple cinnamon” flavored? Did you know that I could survive happily on smoothies for longer than your average person? Most importantly, did you know that I am not a horse? To be more specific, did you know that I am not a horse who has lost all of its teeth and needs to be fed a special paste? I think that you must not have been aware of that fact, sprout. Otherwise I can't imagine why you would feed me this. This tastes like the bins of grain that were in my aunt's barn for the horses to consume smelled. (There is definitely something not proper about that sentence). It's like someone took a scoop of those grains, put them in a blender with some water and added an apple and a dash of cinnamon. The grain flavor is way stronger than anything else and it's so very thick. I thought this would be something that I would really enjoy, but the ratios are off, or it needs a little something else to make me not feel like a sick horse. Maybe change who you're marketing this towards? Actually, I think horses get put down before they get that far along. I don't know who this is for anymore.

These post-daylight savings time days have got me down. It's dark too early and I always feel like it is way later than it actually is. As a result I've felt worn down for the past few weeks. Tonight was no exception. I didn't want to go full on energy drink, and I remembered that I had this tea stashed away just waiting to be reviewed so here it is.

Tea Drift was nice enough to send us a variety of their flavors and “Good Morning Energy” sounded just like what I needed at 6PM. It's black tea, lavender, rose, bergamot and rosemary. Let me tell you they are not messing around with these flavors. As soon as I opened the package the room was filled with the aroma of flowers. I have a strange soft spot for floral beverages, but this was a bit too much for me. It was more flower than tea. I also always thought that flowers were supposed to be relaxing and not give you energy. I mean they also have a flavor called “Calming Rose.” I'm pretty sure the only boost I'll be getting is from the black tea.

It was actually a chore for me to work through a mug of this, but my ladyfriend loved it and drank hers happily. People like different things, and that kind of makes this website obsolete.

Allow me to let you in on a little secret; one letter can make a world of a difference. Someone could be threatening to “kill” you, but you won't think it's a big deal because their phone autocorrected to “bill” you. Perhaps you are preparing your loved ones a nice dinner of “Hunan” beef, but they think that you have slaughtered the neighbors and prepared them a “human” feast. Things can go pear shaped fairly easily these days. It is at this point that I must inform you that “mati” and “mate” certainly are not the same thing. So when you open up a can and expect to be getting a nice,, cherry flavored tea; what you actually are getting is cherry flavored guayusa. Sure they both supply you with a decent amount of caffeine, but the tastes are wildly different. What you expect to be a beverage that will have a nice earthy flavor will actually be strangely fruity with no balance. This is fruity and something that falls between bitter and sour. I'm not sure I would really enjoy this even if I wasn't mistaken as to what I was about to imbibe. Even though there is real cherry juice in here, when it mixes with the guayusa it gives it a vaguely medicinal flavor that just doesn't sit right with me.

At the apparently culturally diverse Main St. Cafe they know that there are different people from different walks of life that like different beverages. Sure there are the people out there that are die hard coffee fans, who only drink it black, but there are also the people out there who aren't really fans of coffee, but they also still want to participate. This beverage is for them. When they call it French Vanilla Iced Latte what they really mean is “This tastes like sweetened vanilla milk with a splash of coffee in it that you can only really notice in the aftertaste.” It's for times when you want to get together with some friends to catch up at the coffee shop, but don't want to be the jerk who doesn't get anything. This way people will think you're participating in coffee culture without dealing with the flavor that you're not a fan of in any great amount.

I personally enjoyed this a great deal, but for a primary category I would list this as milk and not coffee. I wonder what the actual percentages are in here.

When I see the word “cider” I have a very specific flavor in mind. It's a fall flavor that is created by juicing apples in a certain way, and a lot of the time it involves spices. It is not simply just any apple drink. It's a flavor that I am particularly protective over, because there is a cider mill in my home town and to be honest, it's one of the best beverages ever created.

This, this is not cider. It definitely tastes like apples, but nothing like apple cider. To me it tastes like all of those apple sodas that you can get in the UK. My ladyfriend tells me that it tastes like alcoholic cider, without the alcohol. It's sweet, it's appley, but it lacks the bold warmness that comes with real cider (even when served cold).

If this were not presented as cider, I would say that it is one of the better apple sodas, but as I said I'm a protective man, and cider this is not.

First things first; This is Northwoods Soda's “Wild Bill's Root Beer” and it is not to be confused with the company Wild Bill's that also makes root beer. I'm not sure which company came first and who is the proper owner of the title according to the judicial system in this country, but it can be confusing. Northwoods is made in northern Michigan, and I grabbed it on a recent drive through the U.P., which I hope I can do again when the weather gets nicer.

On question I have is who named this gentleman Wild Bill? Is it a joke name like calling a fat man Slim? The picture on the label shows an aging man who looks proud of the root beer he has concocted. There is nothing about the picture that would make me question his sanity or think of him as a crazy party animal. He does have something to be proud of though, as he has made a tasty bubbly beverage.


This is a root beer with a heavy caramel flavor to it, especially in the aftertaste. It's a nice soda that lets you pick out the flavors that make up root beer and not just a general amalgamation of them all mixed together. There is some nice licorice and vanilla in here, without either being extremely present. I'm not a huge caramel guy, but the way it's done in here is quite nice and it left me wanting more when the bottle was done.

I'm happy to announce that Bhakti Chai has made its way to Buffalo, NY and I can now purchase it whenever I want to have an intense experience. If you think you know what chai is all about because you've ordered it from Starbucks before you are in for a wild ride with this company. The spices and ginger used in these teas are much more pronounced in order to try and recreate the traditional chai of India and not the watered down American version. I understand that this is not a drink for everyone, but I certainly love it. It borderline hurts to drink this, and I love Bhakti for it.

This is the Semi Sweet version of the beverage, and as you would expect it tastes exactly like the original, only not as sweet. I prefer this version, because who needs that much sugar?

Also, in a moment of brilliance I decided to add some of this to the pancake batter I was making and bam chaicakes, your new favorite breakfast food. I know I will be making them again soon.

If there was a meme about this beverage that featured a certain dog it would say something along the lines of “Such coffee. Much chocolate.” Actually, that is not true. I just thought it up and kept saying those phrases in my head until I felt like I needed to write it here. In truth this tastes like a really nice chocolate milk that has a bit of coffee in it. It's definitely more chocolate than coffee and that is a win in my book, although it probably would be a bummer for the coffee purists out there. Oh well. Much drink. Such flavor.

Quite the Indian summer we're having, isn't it. Last year we couldn't drink frozen, frosty drinks with open hoodies in November. That's for truth. We couldn't drive down the street with our windows down listening to "Indian Summer" by Go West last year. No sir. This year is the friggin' tropics compared to last year. This time last year, Buffalo got seven feet of snow in a day. Look it up if you don't believe me. This winter has been a breeze comparatively, so nice that I ordered the previously mentioned frosty drink. A frozen Dunkacchino brought to me by my hard work and Dunkin' Donuts ability to put chocolate in everything. I don't know the difference between this and a mocha. It might be milk. This tasted creamier than that of a frozen mocha. I think I'm right attributing it to the milk. It didn't taste as much like coffee as I would have liked but it certainly wasn't bad at all. It was pretty good but it was like a nice, frozen dessert than a coffee related beverage. Fault? Eh, who needs it? They know what they're making and if it should have "coffee" in quotes then so be it. It's a beautiful day outside and I'm in no position to be judgmental over petty things like "not enough" this and "not enough" that. This is fine if you just want a frozen drink that almost doesn't taste like coffee.

Today on “Great Moments When Your Friends Thought They Were Hysterical” we will explore the time in the late 90's during a moment of silence, on a long drive when someone felt the need to proclaim, “Ford Aspire, I bet it aspires to be a better car.” For the record the silence was apparently only uncomfortable for this would be comedian. The silence that followed the joke was uncomfortable for everyone.

That dumb joke would never apply to this beverage, because in the world of sports drinks where else is there to go? This is delicious, it is functional, and it is low in calories without tasting like diet death. This has the most accurate cherry flavor that I have ever come across outside of straight cherry juice. It doesn't taste like syrup, medicine or candy. It tastes like cherry juice with a few assorted berries thrown in for good measure.

If you've gone through life thinking that Gatorade was the pinnacle of sports drinks, and why bother with other brands, then you are in for a wild ride. This is the same basic concept as those beverages, but presented in a natural healthier way. It's chock full of electrolytes as well as antioxidants, B vitamins and minerals. Suck on that status quo of sports drinks.

For those of you too young to remember this company was everywhere in the late 80's/early 90's. Back when corner stores and bodegas did not have a large selection of beverages this was always right alongside the Coke and Pepsi. I don't know if this was the case all around the country, but in Western New York, we loved our New York Seltzer. Now I have to be honest with you, I don't know if I ever actually tried one of these back in the day. By the time I was of age to be purchasing my own beverages I was far more interested in straight up soda and Mistic (they looked like wine coolers and made you feel cooler than you were, because you know wine coolers were always the thing the cool kids drank). Perhaps it's because of similar choices made by the youth of the 80's that caused this beverage to disappear from the shelves and production to grind to a halt. I will choose to believe that because who doesn't want to think that they had that sort of power as a pre-teen?

Here we are over twenty years later and New York Seltzer is back in business and cranking out six of their classic flavors. We really should have gotten to this earlier, as we like to review the classic drinks when they come back, but for some reason I hadn't been able to find it until I was in Michigan of all places. Strange times.

My first thought as I took a sip of this was, “What the hell there is sugar in here!” I had always thought that seltzer was just (possibly flavored) carbonated water with no added sweeteners. A quick look online informed me that any carbonated water beverage is considered a seltzer and even soda falls under that umbrella. In fact in my world this is just a soda. There is 31g of sugar in this 10oz bottle, and well it tastes like a raspberry soda. It's a little on the light side, but it's a fruity soda through and through. To be honest, I feel a bit cheated, but it's solely because I was uninformed. It's a decent soda and I just need to get in the headspace for that kind of beverage.

I have never tried the original Dark Dog energy drink, but I have come across images of it on the internet and I have always found the yellow can with the weird black silhouette of a dog very intriguing. I don't know who that design is marketed towards as it doesn't look EXTREME or classy, but it's always made me want to try it. Okay, so I guess we discovered that it is marketed towards weirdos like me. Unfortunately I've never come across it in a store, so I've yet to try it. The company was nice enough to send us a bunch of samples of their new Organic line, and if these are anything like the original I was right to want to try it.

The design of the cans is definitely more on the classy side of things. It's simple and clean in a way that would appeal to the stereotypical health food yuppie. It still has that strange dog silhouette, but it's smaller and your eyes aren't immediately drawn to it. There is nothing intriguing or offensive about it, and that is probably how a food label should look.

The taste of this is very different than your classic energy drinks. There is absolutely nothing candy-esque about it. It tastes like a slightly bitter blood orange juice with a bit of lemon thrown in. It makes sense because 25% of what is in the can is blood orange juice. It's lightly carbonated, which with the juice makes it taste more like a nice Italian soda rather than an energy drink. The energy aspect of the beverage comes from natural caffeine and seven different vitamins. A lot of the time when energy drinks are like this the effects aren't that strong, but this can has certainly given me a little kick in the pants to get me moving on this sluggish day. It's nothing that will make you twitchy, but it certainly did more for me than a cup of coffee would have. Now I just need to know the story behind that dog. I fear he may haunt my dreams.

A vast majority of the people in the United States, let alone the world know of the wonder that is the state of Wisconsin. It's famous for cheese and beer, two things that I couldn't care less about, yet it may be my favorite state. I know it's probably all in my mind, but it feels like a simpler place where everyone is friendly (Well, except Milwaukee. I've almost gotten into a fight with Nazis there, have witnessed a drug deal gone wrong, and played a house that had a drive by a few weeks prior). I have had conversations with people about how a band could do a two week tour of just the state playing all of the wonderfully named towns. I also played my best game of Galaga ever in a laundromat in Appleton. If all of this isn't enough for you, they also have the grocery store chain Woodmans, which comes in second after Wegmans in my world.

Another thing that Wisconsin has is a decent amount of breweries that make sodas. I came across Point in a cheese shop that my traveling companions wanted to stop at, and was excited to pick up a few flavors. Later that night I decided to enjoy this root beer while I ate one of the most disappointing calzones of my life (not in Wisconsin). On paper this should be a wonderful soda. It's small batch brewed, it's sweetened with Wisconsin honey and it has real vanilla in it. Unfortunately all of these great things somehow couldn't save this root beer. Things started pleasantly enough it's nice and creamy but then there was something lingering underneath. It wasn't anything that made me dump out the bottle, but it tasted off, almost burnt. I checked some other review sites and everyone else seems to love this root beer, so I'm left wondering if I got a bad batch, or if the bottle was old. If I ever come across it again I will pick up another bottle and give it a second chance, because it's from Wisconsin, and it has premium ingredients. I just don't want to accept that this isn't good.

Fruity pop in my eyes usually has a place at outside hootenannies but in this case I might welcome it to my other activities because it's awesome. Seriously, it's really fruity but it's melon, man. Melon is a fruity fruit. America, you can't handle the fruitiness. You'd ruin it by putting in corn syrup or blending it with carrot juice. I'd love to give you the credit but let Canada have something. This was picked up by Editor Dan and I after an awesome night dilly-dallying around a 7-11. In two weeks, Jay and I are going back to see Tom Scharpling and Jon Wurster. Who knows what hijinks and activities will be had and what cool drinks we will uncover. It's been a while for us to go as a couple. Hopefully some bahn mi and delicious buns will be ingested.

As a child one of the most annoying things that could happen on a hot summer day was when someone would bring a huge bowl of watermelon to an outing. I believe it has been scientifically proven that all kids love watermelon, and at these moments without fail as I reached for the refreshing fruit, someone would stop me and tell me that it was a treats for adults only. I was always so bummed that adults for treats when I didn't and it took me a while to realize that it meant some turd had dumped a bottle of vodka or something like that into my glorious fruit, hence ruining it. Actually as a non-drinking adult I have had the same experiences with the same results. The amount of times in my life that I've had to speak the phrase “Is this safe for me?” are more than I'd care to think about.

The bottom line is that everyone loves watermelon in the summer, so don't make it an exclusive thing with your dumb booze. If you do make sure you keep some separate for those who don't want the alcohol, or grab a couple of bottles of H2Melon. It is a cold pressed juice with watermelon being the only ingredient. It's just the fruit juiced and nothing else, and that is wonderful. I really wish that it was blazing hot out while I sit here drinking this, but sometimes timing doesn't work out and it's mid-November in Buffalo. I'm certainly not going to wait eight months to let this juice pour over my taste buds, just for a proper experience. I'm going to drink it now and use its glory to transport me back to a relaxing summer day instead of trying to stay warm without turning the heat on (it's a little game I play).

This tastes exactly like what it is, watermelon. I do have to say that it tastes a bit like the rind was juiced with the pulp of the melon. I personally don't mind that and I think it's actually essential for a proper watermelon experience. You always get a little bit of rind in your bites when eating the fruit, so they are just keeping things authentic. If you are someone who hates summer and refreshment stay away from this juice, but if you crave summer sip away. You might not actually feel the warm sun on your face, but this makes it easier to pretend.

These “Ten” sodas are a game changer for those watching their calorie intake without going overboard. They are a middle ground between diet and regular soda; meaning that there is a mixture of HFCS and sucralose used to sweeten them. This tastes like someone took a can of regular RC and a can of diet RC and mixed half of each together in a separate can. There are hints of a diet flavor, but it's not as overpowering as most diet sodas. I hate sucralose sweetened diet pop, but this is something that I did not mind at all. Sure it lost a bit of the bite of the regular cola, but tradeoffs must be made for the sake of lower calories.

Section one: The False Apology
Sorry (not sorry) this is the third coffee drink in a row.

Section two: The Review
Editor Dan and I went to Toronto to see Zombi, a prog/synth band from Pittsburgh that we hadn't seen in over a decade. The show didn't start until 9:30 and it was a two-ish hour drive home. It was a late night and only got later. What do you do? Coffee, right? That's the right thing to do. I thought that coffee plus additional energy would do the trick, which I did since I'm alive to write this review and now sitting in a ditch upside down off the QEW.

Was it an enjoyable experiment? It was "fine." It was strangely smooth. It seems that all of the sweetened coffee drinks from the United States lost all the edge or the bitterness of coffee, lately. Maybe it's canned, sweetened coffee. It all is starting to taste like thinner, melted, coffee iced cream. I don't want that. I don't think that I expected a high quality roast since Rockstar is not a coffee company first, but this seems like they cut a lot of corners and just bought "coffee flavor." This did not taste like an energy drink which I appreciate.

It did its job and that's what's important. I suppose that it was just "OK" was secondary. Strange, but secondary.

For someone who is fairly indifferent about coffee, I really, really enjoyed this. I know, I'm as shocked as anyone. Obviously it's the mocha that pulled me in, but it also has a nice coffee flavor that I think I would enjoy even without the added chocolate. Maybe I just need to try more high end coffee beverages. Perhaps I just don't like the cheap garbage served at most places. More than likely this was a right place at the right time scenario and it just hit the spot. Regardless as to why I enjoyed this coffee, I think it's safe to say that if it works for me than those of you who truly enjoy a beverage of this sort will really love it.

Did I mention the chocolate? The mocha in here makes it insanely good. This is the first coffee beverage I have ever drank that tastes like they used nice dark chocolate and not just some Hershey powder, or some garbage like that. If this were hot and served at a coffee shop I would assume that they took a high end chocolate bar and shaved some of it off and let it melt in the coffee. I don't know how it works with this being cold brewed, but I am expecting to never find an iced mocha as good as this again.

Caffeine energy in coffee just wasn't enough. Now we need to pump up the jams by adding more vitamins. One more thing is that we have to add vitamins that no one has ever heard of and are unpronounceable to the human tongue. I don't know about you, friend, but I don't go around saying to myself, "I certainly feel like I need more cyanocobalamin and pyridoxine hydrochloride in my diet."

Vitamins and minerals aside, this is a pretty basic drink. It's really smooth. Like really smooth. It tastes vaguely like coffee and more like a cream you might put in your coffee. It's not bitter like coffee and tastes more like coffee ice cream due to its smoothness. Look, it's not bad but it's no, say, Mr. Brown but what is, right?

Everyone knows that wolves howl at the moon. What we don't know is why they do it. Sure there's some magic with a full moon that transforms human into beast and inspires wonderful movies, such as Ginger Snaps, but what else is there. I submit is that while in the moonlight (were)wolves can get a clear view of their paws and are reminded that they simply do not have any ginger beer to drink and they howl out of frustration. I know I would do the same in that situation. The bottle also tells me of a legend that an elixir brewed with ginger and steeped for a fortnight can bring on the change from man to wolf. I don't know if ginger has the same effect as a full moon, but it is certainly delicious. Actually I'm going to say it doesn't work. I've drunk enough ginger brews in my life and have never changed form. Maybe the steeping time was off, but yeah I'm calling poppycock.

This ginger beer may not cause a change, but it does make my taste buds happy. It's made with natural ginger flavor and hot pepper extracts so it has a nice burn to it. It's not too out of control, but it's more than I had expected from a beverage made by Orca. Along with that burn is also a nice sweetened ginger flavor. This is actually what I look for in a ginger beer. It walks the line between burn and taste without falling off of the tightrope. I wonder is being part wolf helped with that balance.