Sometimes your ladyfriend nicely makes you dinner when you are sick, even when she just had a long day of school/work and is exhausted herself. She grinds up the always great garlic salt mix from Trader Joes to spice it up a bit for you. Not often, but sometimes, in her delirious state she doesn't realize that she left the cap on and goes to add more when she tastes it and it doesn't seem to be doing anything. This time she remembers to take the cap off and an obscene salty mess tumbles into your otherwise delicious meal. You don't want to be rude, or unappreciative, so you eat it, sodium and all. Now it's a week later and you have a can of Salted Caramel Java Monster in front of you and all you can think of is how salty that meal was and if this tastes even a fraction like that, there's no way you will be able to enjoy it. Salt could be ruined forever, and that would be a horrible life to lead. I mean think of all the salsa and guacamole I would miss out on? That's not a life I have any interest in living.

Somehow, like in a dumb sitcom, everything turned out just fine. It wasn't overly salty. In fact it has only the faintest trace of sodium, which is how drinks should be. No one wants a salty drink, unless it's some boozy concoction on a beach, and even then I don't understand it. This has a general canned coffee flavor to it, with some small traces of caramel. There is another flavor that people tend to overdo it with. With a confection that is pretty much just burned sugar, less is usually more. I want hints of it, not a sore jaw from chewing a hunk of it for hours. Luckily there is no trace of the energy drink flavor in here. The idea of it mixed with coffee, is pretty wretched, and Monster seems aware of that, so they keep them separate.

Overall I found myself enjoying this way more than I had anticipated. It's nothing terribly special, but I had overall low expectations and every single one of them were surpassed. Aim low and you'll never miss the mark.

When a company who is known for making candy decides to start making soda, you'll have to forgive me for having some reservations. Shockingly Jelly Belly beat the odds and their sodas have ranged from decent to pretty good. I had expected grossness all around with more sugar than the Domino factory. I'm happy to say I was wrong. When it came to this French Vanilla soda I expected an average sweet cream soda. What I got was something a little bit more than your typical cream soda. This actually reminds me a lot of IBC's cream soda, which brings me back to high school where I would drink 40's of it at parties attempting to fit in with my classmates who were getting drunk.

There is a something a little classy about this soda. Sure, it's still pretty sweet, but it has a real vanilla flavor to it. Somehow the candy company made a soda that doesn't taste “candied.” I fear that many people who would really enjoy this would pass it up because of the Jelly Belly label. I'd like to see a study where this and a version of this with a different label and name were sold beside each other and see which sells better. Marketing, ya know?

Lemon? Are you sure? This tastes like carbonated water with ample amounts of sugar. It's very sharp and very sweet and I have made it through three quarters of this bottle and have not "found" the lemon. It's just sugar water like your grandma told you pop/soda was. "You're not drinking that sugar water in my house." she would say. This is that. This is the drink that your grandma told you about. As an adult, I totally agree with your grandma. Your grandma was a smart woman. You were dumb. Face it.

I know that to everyone out there it sounds like being a part of Thirsty Dudes is a nonstop party. I mean sure, Mike and I have abandoned our families and live in a giant penthouse in the fanciest of buildings downtown. Sure, we race motorcycles everywhere we go, including both the public and private elevators to our penthouse. You know how some nicer fridges have a filtered water tap built into the door? Ours dispenses ice cold sarsaparilla. We have an entire freezer that is filled with nothing but green tea ice cream mochi. That doesn't make us any different than you our mild mannered readers. We still ride our prototype hoverboards one push at a time just like you. We are still humbled when companies send us advance flavors before they hit the market. Actually, that makes us feel pretty special. It's not the millions of dollars we have made from reviewing these drinks that fill us with a sense of pride, it's the little things like this.

When a package arrived the other day of the three flavors of the new Steaz cactus water line, I was pumped. You know pumped like when I ride the zip line down from our penthouse to the hot dog cart a few blocks away. I couldn't wait to review it and help get the word out on a product I was sure was going to be fantastic. The problem was that I was completely incapacitated from the flu. I didn't leave the couch, except to crawl to the rest room for about 72 hours. I thought it was the end of my life of luxury and leisure. As it does, time passed and my health returned and here I am enjoying a can of starfruit and green tea cactus water, even if it is a few days later that I would have liked it to be.

It was worth the wait folks. This is delicious. Cactus water is basically nature's version of Gatorade and it is far superior to what has been dumped on coach's heads for decades. It is high in antioxidants, reduces inflammation and is just chock full of electrolytes. This is sweet, smooth, and fruity. The green tea tastes is only vaguely there in the aftertaste, but the starfruit is right up front with the sweetness of the cactus water. There is some stevia in the mix as well, but I wouldn't really have guessed that from the taste, which is a sign of proper use of any zero calorie sweetener. Steaz has not disappointed.

I wonder how many cans of this it would take to fill one of those Gatorade coolers. I'll need to use the power of science to figure that out so I can be prepared for our next air hockey tournament up in the loft. I'm going to destroy Mike and then have the butler dump this on me when I win. Just like the champ I am.

I will start by saying; this wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. The turmeric was pulled down by the coconut milk which is the featured player in this act. I actually wish that it was a bit stronger and it's already a pretty bold drink. I think the coconut is too strong and kills some of the spice of the turmeric. There is honey in here somewhere according to the ingredients but you can't taste it. At the end you get the sting of the turmeric but you have to really wait it out while the coconut milk flavor dies out.

I don't know if I would drink it again but this one bottle was good and I'm happy I was "forced" to drink it for the site otherwise I probably wouldn't have tried it.

If this bottle looks familiar, yet slightly off that would be because Goose Island Sodas has become WBC. Apparently WIT Beverage Company lost the license on the name Goose Island and decided to change it to WBC. I have no idea what that stands for, but this is the information the internet has provided.

This is a slightly different twist on the classic creamsicle style orange cream soda. It's due to their use of natural flavor in the way of Valencia oranges. It gives it more of an actual orange (fruit) flavor instead of the generic orange (color) flavor that most companies have. It's not too extreme. It doesn't taste like vanilla was mixed into carbonated orange juice (although that does sound awesome, minus the potential curdling). 43g of sugar put this on the sweeter side of the soda spectrum, but what do you expect from this type of pop? You're getting what you assume you would get with a little bit of a twist. All of that and you don't have to envision an island completely covered with goose excrement whenever you drink it.

Apparently Wisconsin has more soda companies per capita than any other state in the US. It seems like more often than not what I've been drinking lately has come from the Badger State. I was just informed that was the state's nickname and I am thoroughly intrigued. Can this state get any better? Now I want to try and search some out next time I'm there, and yes I find myself in Wisconsin more often than your average person.

Sno Cap is produced by the Titletown Brewing Co. This may be the first brewery made root beer that I have tried that was sweetened with HFCS. Sure it also has granulated sugar in here, but it's hard to miss the thick syrupiness of HFCS. It's one of those things that you don't even need to check the ingredients to know it's included in the recipe. It is also heavy on the caramel flavoring. All of the usual root beer suspects are there, but the caramel is what is standing out to me. Perhaps badgers love that particular flavor and they use it to appease their furry overlords. Oh, you didn't know that badgers ruled Wisconsin? The rest of the country may be run by lizard people, but they don't call it the Badger State for nothing. This is better than your average root beer, but it doesn't blow my socks off or anything. Perhaps if I was a different species that would be a different story.

Here at Thirsty Dudes we understand that every beverage is not for everyone. Specifically there are beverages out there that are not made for people like us, aka people who aren't counting calories to try and drop a few lbs. When we come across these drinks we try to give them the benefit of the doubt and we attempt to be in the mindset of someone who this drink is actually produced for. These zero calorie, sweetened, sparkling waters are one such category. We try to find the best in the drinks, but after drinking so many that all taste fairly similar, it becomes hard. The sad truth is that when it comes to beverages like these a good portion of the flavor comes from the sucralose, or whatever zero calorie sweetener is being used. Some flavors cut through it better than others, but it's always there and I never enjoy it. There are also the unfortunate flavors such as this that the supposed flavor of the drink is weaker than the sucralose and you only really get it in the aftertaste. I love pomegranates, even as much as I love a variety of berries, but they really aren't allowed to shine in this. All I'm getting is gross diet-ness. People say you get used to it, but I still haven't and I don't think I want to. I'll avoid my calories by limiting my sugary beverage intake instead of switching out the sugar for a different sweetener that ruins everything.

I know. I know. Jay just reviewed a drink from Sanavi. What are you going to do about it? Fight me? I'm already impressed that you're reading this review at all. I often wonder if anyone gets so mad at our reviews that they do want to fight us. Jay and I are pretty passive dudes. Attractive, sure. Friendly, sometimes. Passive? Yeah. Also, quiet and dangerously apathetic. It's strange that we even run this website considering the ample amount of things we don't give a rip about.

I'll tell you one thing we love, though and that's sparkling water. Oooh sparkling water. We've come a long way from nothing but pop and jelly drinks. In the last five years we've reviewed over 4500 drinks and we've come to a point where all we want to drink is unsweetened sparkling water and unsweetened tea. All day. Every day. This is a reward after you do anything since it's not super sweet. It's just a nice little flavor burst whenever you want. How about now? You bet'cha. Twelve minutes from now? Oh hell yeah, pimp. The only reason that it's four out of five bottles is because it's "just" lime. Four is an admirable score. Don't feel bad about it. Get it. Refresh yourself.

The Pledge cleaning supply company has ruined a good portion of the beverage industry. Sometime decades ago they created furniture polish that smells exactly like every lemon flavored beverage I have ever come across. It's the first time a company created a product that is an accurate portrayal of the fruit it named itself after, and it's just unfortunate. Companies like Sanavi are the victims here. Pre Lemon Pledge days this would be a wonderful citrus seltzer. It tastes just like someone squeezed a lemon into a bottle of seltzer water. It should be a dream come true, but unfortunately all I can think about is cleaner. Do yourself a favor and get past the cleaner idea and enjoy this like it is meant to be. Like it should be.

This drink should come with a rabbit and a top hat, because it is a magic trick. Frisa makes nothing but quality beverages, but I did not know that they also were practitioners of the dark arts. You seem confused, so let me explain. When you pen this bottle you are greeted with the most wonderful ginger scent. Just the smell alone you know you are in for a treat, as if the fancy looking bottle wasn't enough to inform you. So you pour yourself a nice glass and get ready for the ride of your life. You take a sip and you know you were right, this is fantastic. It is a perfect blend of ginger and hibiscus with a little lemon thrown in. There is no burn from the ginger at all, but it tastes so good that you can't bring yourself to care in the least. Then you swallow and a look of befuddlement passes over your face. What happened to the flavor? You take another sip and the greatness is back, but yet again as soon as you swallow it is gone. There must be some enchantment on this sparkling beverage because the instant it is swallowed all trace of it is pretty much gone from your taste buds. I don't know how it works, but I guess that is part of the trick. I tried to let it sit in my mouth for a while and the flavor stayed as long as I kept it in there, but as soon as I swallowed it was gone. I've never had a beverage do this before. It's like someone invited David Blaine to a party in my mouth and didn't inform me. I can get over the strangeness though as it just tastes so damn good while it's still on my tongue.

When you go into a small local beverage store and see a soda called “Buffalo Birch Beer,” and you are me, the first thing you think is “How the hell is there a new soda company in Buffalo and I didn't know about it? I'm a consummate professional and I should really be up on these things!” a quick label then informs you that it's actually from Rochester, NY (a little over an hour away) and that it's made by College Club, a company you are very familiar with. That is twice that I was duped today. I was also told that Boss Hogg from Dukes of Hazzard was from Buffalo as well, which broke my brain. I then found out that he's actually from Olean which is even further than Rochester. I guess the lesson here is that Buffalo is great and everyone wants to pretend that they are a part of it in some way.

I have nothing bad to say about College Club. They make delicious soda that is ridiculously cheap. Their normal line comes in reusable glass bottles and cost about 35 cents each. You just can't beat it for a family gathering, especially with their selection. It appears that Fiz is their venture into cane sugar sweetened sodas that come in normal glass bottles. This does taste similar to their other birch beer. It's dark and rich, the cane sugar makes this way better though. It's obviously less syrupy and the wintergreen really seems to shine a lot more. This is great. I wish it really were from Buffalo, but Rochester isn't that far, and I'm glad to see that things are going well for College Club. They have always treated Thirsty Dudes well and it's nice to see them expanding.

Here's an idea, let's take a less than stellar beverage and make it somehow worse by taking out the sugar/stevia mix and replacing it with sucralose. Seriously why would they not just use all stevia? It may not be the best, but it is way better than the poison taste of sucralose. Nothing tastes real in this beverage. The peach tastes artificial and even the tea flavor seems fake somehow.. It's not undrinkable, but it's by no means enjoyable by my standards. It's like there was a science fair and a kid decided to make a soda in his home laboratory. Oh yeah, that kid is a super scientist in the making, just don't let her near anything you want to ingest. I really wanted to like this line and it just wasn't meant to be.

All root beer. It's been a while, friend. So long, in fact, that this root beer took a little turn into "potentially spoiled" territory. I can taste through it so I will be rating it as a non-spoiled bottle of grossness.

This is a fine root beer. If you like root beer, you will like this. If you love root beer, you will think this is "just another" root beer. This is a calmer version of a pretty generic root beer but the cane sugar makes it better because the taste doesn't linger. It's got a medium bite and it's not too dark and not too light. I don't think that this was made "from scratch" but probably from a concentrated syrup. Look, no judgement, it just tastes like it.

A dashshund bit my dog the first time I took her to the dog park so if I had three dashshunds around me, I think I'd be a bit skeptical. I'd probably be on the defense like they're going to attack. If I had three bottles of this root beer around me, two of them would go to waste.

You have to appreciate when a company makes a large effort with their presentation. The size/shape of bottles and cans has become so uniform and standard that when a company mixes things up it's hard not to take notice. Sure, Galvanina didn't create something new, but their embossed glass bottles with minimum label are just classy. They could have easily thrown their sparkling juice into any old bottle and it would have just blended in with the scenery, but the way they present it makes it stand out and makes it special. It's similar to the way that San Pellegrino stands out because of the foil they put over the top of their cans. You feel a small specialness when you drink them. Just one glance at this bottle and I could tell it was most likely made it Europe. It feels old in the best possible way.

On top of having all the right looks this also tastes pretty fantastic. Normally when beverages are made sparkling carbonation is just added to regular water. In here mineral water is used and it does give it a bit of a regal feel. Also involved are clementine and carrot juice concentrates as well as orange and lemon pulp. It does fall on the sweeter side of how I like my sparkling juice, but it still mostly tastes like juice and that is the important thing. This wins all around.

Remember when you were young and you would make chocolate milk from the Hershey powder that came in a tin. No matter how much you mixed it in that powder would never fully dissolve in the milk and it always seemed like it was chocolate and milk and not a complete cohesion of the two? Well this is the coconut water version of that. I've had chocolate coconut water that tasted like it could have come right off the tree in that form, but this tastes like two separate thing that just happened to get put in the same can. Lucky for us they are two enjoyable things and they don't ruin each other at all. I enjoyed this, but it feels like they rushed to get it to market and didn't make it as good as it could have been.

Before I go into some incoherent rambling, I'd like to make it known that I really enjoy the art of the label of this bottle of soda. Those orange slices look perfect, and I could only dream that I could draw like that. My art skills are at a minimum, so I always appreciate when someone puts time and effort into a label that wasn't just done in Photoshop. Those slices are just my style.

It feels like it has been years since I drank and orange cream soda. While they are not my favorite, I do enjoy them to some extent. The first thing that always comes to mind is that they taste like a carbonated, melted creamsicle. This soda does a bit more than emulating dripping ice cream. It starts off with a 70/30 split of orange and cream, after you swallow the percentages switch and the cream takes over most of the flavor. It's almost like you are drinking two different sodas and it keeps things interesting. While it's not quite like adding vanilla extract to soda water and then squeezing an orange into it (think of how good that would be) it is on the better side of these types of sodas.

What a bummer, all I have to drink is this delicious soda that tastes like it was made with real grape juice, and it's only lightly sweetened with real sugar. What would really make this better would be if I could just dump a whole mess of erythritol and stevia in it to give it a weird fake taste that no one really likes. Man that would be just perfect. Oh , you have some of those natural zero calorie sweeteners that I can use. Thanks man, I really appreciate it, now that I mixed it in this is perfect. It's exactly what I didn't want. Dreams do come true.

I've been holding onto this seltzer for a while now, just waiting for the perfect time. I am a sucker for all things blackberry, as well as all things cucumber, so this sounded like a dream. When I purchased it there was only one can, and for fear that I would never find it again I wanted it to be special. For weeks it has sat in my fridge, just staring me down, daring me to drink it. Today was the day. The thing is that there is nothing special about today. I was just sitting there reading and thought to myself, now is the perfect time for that drink. I was not wrong. This is fantastic, and perhaps the best seltzer I have ever tasted. While the flavor is mostly blackberry, it does have the crispness that only cucumber can bring and its flavor was pleasant underneath the berry.

This is a beverage that I can just imagine sweetened. It has the potential to be an incredible soda, just by adding a little cane sugar. The thing is that it is just as wonderful without the sugar. This drink could exist in both worlds and get top marks. I hope this flavor makes it into the multipacks soon, because I will devour it like there is no tomorrow and not horde it like a sucker.

III Dachshunds is a brewery in Milwaukie, WI, which also makes this delicious root beer. I've heard it claimed that they chose the name because the owners had three Dachshund dogs and they were their entire world. I'd like to submit that there is a different reason. This brewery is located in Wisconsin. The official food (pretty much) of the state is bratwurst. While brats and hotdogs are not the same thing they are close enough and another name for a hotdog is a wiener, which also happens to be a common name used to describe dachshunds (wiener dogs). I'd like to propose the ridiculous theory that the company actually named their company after their love of sausage and not for dogs at all. They just have a little shame over their Wisconsin pride (not that anyone actually would, it's a magical place).
Wherever the name is from this is a quality soda. It is certainly no generic “mix” or store brand root beer. It is dark and bold. All of the flavors that were originally used to make root beer, that have since been watered down to homogenize it, all stand up tall proclaiming their stake in the soda game. There's wintergreen, vanilla, caramel, sassafras, licorice and all of the others. On top of a great flavor it also is very carbonated, which is something that I always enjoy in a soda.

Grab your dogs. Grab your brats. Hell, grab some cheese even. Get it all together pop open a bottle of this and sit back and enjoy yourself. You put in a long day at work and you deserve to relax, Wisconsin style.