Do I love mango? No. Not really. Will I say this might be the most accurate interpretation of mango? Yep. I don't know what it is about mango but whatever it is, it has been so poignantly captured within this bottle that if you like mango, you can just buy a couple bottles of this and save yourself the trouble of shaving, cutting, cubing or whatever it is you do with a mango.

I don't get a lot of berry in here but you get so much mango that you have no reason to wonder why her name came first. I didn't want to appear sexist so I made mango a "her." You like that? I'm not a misogynistic turd. Mangos can do whatever they want. If they want to make fruit love in this bottle than so be it. That makes it more disgusting for me to drink. I wish I hadn't said that. Even if it is fake.

One wouldn't think there would be much variation between simple black teas. One would also be very wrong. Nearly every company whose black tea I have sampled has their own little twist on flavor that makes them unique. Goldenbrew uses whole tea leaves in their brewing process, and you wouldn't think that such a small thing would make such a difference, but it really does. You can tell that higher quality ingredients are used and they are brewed with more pride. Obviously this is better than a garbage Brisk, but it also overshadows the natural lines of the “big” tea companies. It also helps that it is lightly sweetened with honey. I'm of an age where I prefer my teas to be unsweetened, but honey is a game changer. It's not meaningless sweetness. It adds a depth and new flavor to the already wonderful tea. It's important to note that they also don't go overboard with the honey, which is so easy to do. It teases you with its hint of flavor, leaving you wanting more and before you know it the bottle is gone and you wish you had more. Now that is the sign of a good tea.

In recent times slowly but surely we have seen a rise in the number of cucumber flavored drinks that are on the market. It's nowhere near the amount of pomegranate or acai, but every once in a while a new one will pop up, and every time I get stoked. Cucumber is a wonderful flavor that I find ridiculously refreshing. The thing is that there are two different cucumber flavors, the pleasant “meat” of the vegetable flavor, which is what I usually find ideal, and the slightly dirty taste of the skin, which I still enjoy, but just not as much. I have some friends who hate the second version (I'm looking at you Jay Zubricky). Upon first sip of this I thought to myself, “This is more skin that meat, but I'm okay with it. It tastes pretty fantastic and it doesn't really taste like an energy drink. “ By the time I had taken two more sips my opinion had completely changed and I had had enough of this drink. What went from a slightly dirty, yet pleasant, cucumber flavor suddenly took a drastic turn into the world of diet sugar water that only vaguely tasted like cucumber let alone lime. I knew that they used a mixture of real sugar and sucralose in here to keep the calories low, but at first the fake sugar flavor was nowhere to be found. Suddenly it was all I could taste. I didn't even make it through half the can before I dumped it out on the side of the road. Well, at least it gave me a little bit of pep, even though my taste buds suffered for it.

They are not kidding with the name. This is one serious shot of ginger to the mouth, and it's absolutely wonderful. This is nothing but pineapple juice and of course ginger juice and it's very intense. In movies when people talk about the warm burn that they get from a shot of whiskey is exactly how this feels. You get one hell of a delicious burn all the way down. On top of that it tastes fantastic. It's hard to forget about the flavor because of the intensity, but it's there and it tastes like someone infused a pineapple with concentrated ginger. The best.

This is so intense that I kind of feel like I'm invincible because I drank it. It's as if it's some sort of magic potion that will protect me from any and all illnesses. I can't wait for Mike to try these. He's going to fall in love.

I'm not sure if this is the same product that comes in the little cans, or if there is something different about it because it says it's organic and over 3x the quantity. What I do know is that this tastes like a wonderfully delicious unsweetened green tea. It's slightly bitter, but in a way that is enjoyable instead of distracting. I didn't know something could be bitter and smooth at the same time, but that's what we have here. This is the baseline from which all unsweetened green tea should be compared.

I don't know what's happening to me, but I think I'm starting to like coffee. Well at least fancy “ready to drink” coffee. The past couple that I have tried (minus the Marley) I have actually enjoyed a great deal. Something about them has been different though. Even though they have been a variety or different preparations they have all been very smooth with little acidity. In the world of coffee smooth is the descriptor that I am looking for.

This is a “Draft Latte” which I'm pretty sure is a term that La Colombe invented. It's a can of frothed milk with a shot of cold-pressed espresso added (hence the smoothness). There is no added sweetener and there doesn't need to be. You can get a taste for the actual coffee and the milk (I do with it were almond or soy, but I'll enjoy what I can get). I don't really understand how the milk stays frothy, but it really does have that specific feel/taste. Okay I just looked it up and it's the way the can is pressurized that froths the milk when you crack it open. That's good science there.

I'm certainly not Mr Fancy Pants in most aspects of my life, but when it comes to coffee that's apparently what I need. I wish I could talk about the roast or whatever, but that is lost on me. This tastes like coffee when coffee is good. It's frothy, smooth and wonderful.

There have been so many of these that I'm not even trying anymore. If you are a rational human being and think sucralose is disgusting, then steer clear of this. If you are a mutant and it doesn't bother you, well then sit back and get ready to enjoy some berry flavoring. I've said it before but if they got rid of the sweetener altogether, this would be a good seltzer.

I'm pretty sure that everyone in the world who remembers New York Seltzer from its original run was excited when they heard that it was coming back (if they heard that it was coming back). I'm also pretty sure that 99% of those people who actually got their hands on one twisted it open, took a sip, and thought “wow I remember these being a lot better.”

Has the world changed, or is it just our tastes? Is this the exact same recipe that people enjoyed back in the day? If so have our taste buds just evolved? This tastes like an average peach soda. The flavor isn't overly strong, but it's there and it's sweet. I want something special from this and it's just not there. There is nothing horribly wrong with it, but I want it to be spectacular and it's just not.

Blueberry lemonade. I've got to say, it's good. I like mixing it. I like shakin' it up. I like(d) drinkin' it up. That's all that you need from me? Wait wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut? You want a review? People still come to this site expecting reviews? I tell stories, man. Yesterday was the fourth of July and like ten people made a whirlpool in my cousin's pool. It was awesome. Is that what you want? I've got plenty of these. I've got plenty but I guess you don't want that. You want me to say things like, "This isn't gross. This actually tastes like blueberry lemonade. I've never had blueberry lemonade and I think it would be sourer but taste similar. It kind of tastes like if they made a blueberry lemonade Gatorade. Three thumbs up. Would drink again."

I thought you wanted more from me. I'm more than a great product reviewer. I've got skills and traits you don't even know about. We're growing apart. I think we need to see other people and I'm going to start with that chick with the cool boobs over there.

As I've said a million times, I'm not a huge coffee fan. I do like coffee ice cream though. It's toned down and it is delicious most of the time. When I saw that Marley now made a vanilla chocolate swirl coffee drink my first thought was “Well there goes keeping up a brand image.” What on earth did Bob Marley have to do with ice cream? Did he ever sing about it? Not that I know of, but I've never really delved into his catalog. My second thought was “Is this really a necessary flavor?” It's like they are marketing coffee to kids. Being a big dumb kid myself I obviously picked up a can. You know what? It actually tastes like someone made a cup of coffee and then cooled it down by letting a soft serve twist melt in it. It has a very accurate flavor, but unfortunately who actually wants that flavor once they try it? It was good for about two sips and then it got to be a bit too much. Also, there is a weird almost banana taste to this. There is no banana in it, unless that's where they got the potassium, but it has this weird underflavor that isn't quite the fruit, but close. With each sip the mystery flavor got stronger and my enjoyment decreased. This just seems unnecessary and only well executed for a short period of time. No banana no cry.

Look at that little lemon guy on the label. There's something I just don't trust about that fella. He's hiding something behind that smile and sunglasses. I mean he's under an umbrella and I think he's slyly trying to tell us he's a shady guy. You know what I was right. He was hiding something and that secret is that this is carbonated. Nowhere on the label, except in the ingredients list, does it give any indication that what you're about to imbibe is a sparkling lemonade. I expected this to be a dull “classic” lemonade with far too many added ingredients. The fact is if the bubbles weren't present this would be a fairly piss poor lemonade. The bubbles transform it into an interesting lemon soda. Make no mistake it tastes like soda and not just sparkling lemonade, but it is still pleasant. It's sweet (they use cane sugar, which is always a shocker in plastic bottles) and it has a lemon flavor that tastes quasi accurate. This could have gone horribly wrong put the pieces fell into place well enough. That little guy is a trickster, but at least his trick led to a more enjoyable beverage.

I'm beat, dude. Worked until 2, home at 2:30, asleep by quarter to 3, up at 6:30. I need a pick-me-up. I've been disappointed by Dunkin' Donuts inability to make a consistent drink. So what do I choose? I guess this Mountain Dew Kickstart from a bodega I rarely go to but needed to take a walk outside.

How is it? It's fine. I don't know to what caliber this is of a juice and an energy drink but it's got caffeine in it so I guess it will eventually do something. It's not bad. It's pretty sweet and very fruity but I think it tastes better than your run-of-the-mill energy drink. I don't know if I specifically taste blueberry or pomegranate but I'm not complaining. With a drink like this, I don't hold them to their word like I would a "real" juice. Sorry. I'm not trying to be offensive. It's like it's a sparkling juice first and everything else just peeks their little heads in and out to say hello.

I don't know if it's "helping" because I'm fading fast but I've made it to 3:30 and wasn't late for work today. Somewhere there is an accomplishment but I'm too tired to see it. Maybe...if I just close my eyes...for just a second.....

There has been a lot of big moves happening in the beverage world this year. Ecto Cooler is back. Pepsi released its delicious 1893 line, and cold pressed juices are everywhere. To me the most important thing that has happened in the world of drinks is that Cawston Press is officially available in the States and that should be causing gigantic waves, but it's going mostly unknown. Until now I have only ever had Cawston products while in the UK and they are no joke. They produce sparkling beverages that are based on the most wonderful apple juice. I believe all of their flavors start with that same base and then more is added to create the desired flavor and so far they have all been flawless.

This past weekend I completely lost my mind around midnight on Thursday and decided randomly to fly to Atlanta the following afternoon in order to go see The Cure. I ended up with ridiculous seats and a set list that I thought only existed in my dreams. The show was the happiest I have been in a long time. The following day I hung out with some friends down there, ate some amazing food, and went to the Coca Cola museum. It was a wonderful day. As I was getting a ride to the airport to fly home this can was pressed in my hand by my friend, and fellow soda enthusiast, Dakota. Now I had two ridiculously wonderful days and this soda was the perfect cherry on top of a great trip.

As I stated, it has a sparkling apple juice base, but the addition of the lemon juice skyrocketed it to a whole new realm. This is the greatest sparkling lemonade I have ever tasted. It's like someone made perfect lemonade and then poured some perfect apple juice into it and them soaked some elderflower in it. It's a slightly appley lemonade with a light floral taste to it. This very easily could have been too tart, but the apple mellows it out and makes it perfect. Do yourself a favor and if you run into any Cawston Press sodas in your travels pick some up. You won't be even remotely disappointed.

I'd like to say that it's hard to mess up cream soda, but sadly that is not the case. It seems like it should be such a simple soda to make but I feel that a lot of the time it just falls short. When I was in high school I used to bring “40's” of IBC cream soda to parties, because I thought I was hysterical, but more importantly it was just a great cream soda and it became my ideal for the flavor. Throughout the years my tastes have refined quite a lot, but I still compare every cream soda to IBC in my head.

Twigs keeps the IBC dream alive in my mind and in my taste buds. This is sweet with a nice vanilla flavor that isn't too out of control. As I sip this on this warm summer night I feel like I should be 16 sitting around a fire in the fields somewhere while my classmates are getting drunk on whatever booze that could steal/convince someone to buy them. I thought they were dumb then, and I think they are dumb now, but it's all part of the teenage experience and it makes me smile.

Anytime there is a soda that is flavored by a berry that isn't one of the big 4 (straw, blue, black, rasp) I will happily drink it. “Rare' berries are almost always tasty, and so are the sodas that are based off of them. This is a diet drink that is sweetened with cane sugar, agave and stevia., but I will say that if it were solely sweetened with cane sugar it would be ridiculously good (as long as Jones didn't go overboard with the sugar, like they seem to like to do). As it is it is still quite an enjoyable beverage, stevia and all. It has a vague off-diet taste, but the flavor of the huckleberry is nice enough to distract your taste buds. It helps that it's a blend of sweeteners and not only stevia. Jones is doing pretty well for itself.

So tangerines are superior oranges, correct? A little sweeter, with a stronger flavor and they are easier to peel. How about we just accept them as the standard from here on out? A good orange is fantastic, but I feel like I have more bad oranges than good ones, and I've never had an unpleasant tangerine.

I was hoping that the improvement that is tangerines would translate to this soda, but unfortunately this is mostly just generic soda flavor with a sweet hint of a slightly different orange. It's not bad, but it is completely forgettable, which is not something we look for here at Thirsty Dudes. This is certainly not the gourmet soda that it claims to be, but at least it has cane sugar and isn't super thick and syrupy.

Someone make me a proper tangerine soda. I need to taste the superiority…€¦wow that sounded unintentionally fascist.

When I think of “classic” lemonade what comes to mind is an ice cold picture on a sweltering hot day which only contains three ingredients; water, lemon juice, and sugar. It's a simple recipe that can be hard to screw up if you keep it basic. Claire Baie did not keep it basic. They used concentrate and added a handful of other ingredients that do nothing but detract for the simple glory that should be this drink. It doesn't taste like childhood freedom it tastes like plastic and fake lemons.I could have really used a nice lemonade today too. Damn.

I have decided to make some changes and go on an liquid diet. Not the liquid diets that your fat secretary does when they say that they're going to drink the pain of still living at home at 47 away. The kind where you realize that your metabolism just isn't what it used to be. I'm going to do this for as long as I can and will update this review daily so let's get the review out of the way and leave the daily masochism to the people who love reading.

This is chocolate. I wouldn't really accept "fudge" as anything but an extra word that doesn't mean anything. Fudge is thick. This is watery. You mix it with water and it doesn't thicken up. Sure you can mix it with milk or almond milk if you're trying to be healthy, but when you mix with water, it doesn't thicken up. It's fine and I've now tried it iced with admittedly too much water and ice and with the minimum requested amount of water and it tastes the same; watered down chocolate milk. I'm reluctant to even say "chocolate milk" but "chocolate water" makes me want to barf so I didn't type it...until now. I don't foresee any problem drinking/eating only this for the next several days, though. I assume it will become expectant and boring but it is not bad. It doesn't taste "healthy" but it does have a bit of that "Erythritol" taste to it. I don't dislike that, as I have mentioned in my many previous, Erythritol ridden drinks.

Moving forward will be my experience with my first supplement only life. Wish me luck and enjoy my impending sorrow.
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Timeline

Two-ish weeks or until the container is gone. Monday, June 20th to Friday, June 1.



Guidelines

Ingest only this. If I find myself needing food, I will allow raw almonds. Tons of water and unsweetened tea are the only other acceptable things. I have a show this Saturday which I might have to "break" but that's just so people don't think I'm crazy.



Logic

I am a thirty four year old male. I love food. I don't eat like an ignoramus but I don't eat smart a lot. I eat a lot of tacos, chicken, and hot dogs. I love a good meal. I like spending good money and getting a good meal in return. I go to nice restaurants and enjoy them and I go to bad restaurants and enjoy them. Food is food and I am aware of the context of the quality and accept all of it. I have gained weight slowly but surely over the years and need a control. I need discipline. I snack a lot. Not unhealthy stuff; almonds and maybe a dozen M&Ms per day, nothing that's going to welcome diabetes with open arms. I go to the gym rarely because I'm too tired from live, work and raising two kids. Anyone who has kids should never blame anyone for not going to the gym and anyone who doesn't have kids doesn't understand and should not have an opinion whatsoever. My fiancè tells me this is not a good idea and that "this isn't how you do it." I half agree but the other half needs a fixed, strict regimen or I will stray. "This and nothing else." is simple and there is no gray area.
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Day 0

Today, Father's Day, is the last day I will eat food for a while. In typical Mike fashion, I did not eat terribly well. Breakfast burrito, two hot dogs, slice of pizza. Not all my eating is that bad and American, but today it was. Today I clocked in at 156.7. I am not happy about it but that's why we're doing this.
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Day 1

Success. I didn't think it was going to be bad but towards the end of the day I felt a little spacey. I had band practice and that distracted me from being hungry. Breakfast to lunch was alright. Lunch to dinner was rough. I started getting headaches around four. I'm going to try to not eat lunch until later. I find it strange to not just grab something to eat when I'm hungry. It's clearly a habit and I'm realizing that quickly. I am also seeing food everywhere. In my house. In advertisements. I'm starting to think about restaurants I haven't been to in a long time. I didn't see that coming. I mixed a handful of different percentages. I did a full eight ounces and that was fine. I mixed like five ounces of water with a bunch of ice and that's much better. It takes me longer to drink and that helps.

I weighed in at 153.7. I doubt that I lost three pounds and there has to be some sort of other factor. I don't trust that.
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Day 2

I'm getting irritable. Between personal issues, issues with my brat kid, issues with my car and the fact that I haven't eaten anything in two days I am getting sick of things quickly. I still find myself thinking out of nowhere things like, "I would love to go to Swiss Chalet." which is a normal occurrence but typically not in the middle of nowhere. I'm not exactly "weak" but I am tired. I fight hunger and fight the urge to "just eat an apple" but I'm holding off. I could eat an apple. These are my rules but I'm not. I'm still not sick of the drink and I'm getting a good blend down. I actually look forward to it because I know that my body needs food. It actually makes me happy to know that I can eat soon and don't mind that it's the same thing I've eaten for the past six meals. It's my sustenance and it's all I've got. I weighed in at 152.6.

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Day 3

I was two hours late for dinner due to a busy life and nearly knocked everyone out. I was at my parent's house, filled with food and had to leave. Everything looks good. Everything tastes good. I'm questioning why I am doing this more every day. I love food. I want to eat. I'm hungry and I am coming to the realization that it's alright to be hungry. It't not OK to be starving but it's alright to be hungry. I don't need to instantly quench my hunger. I'm down to 150.8. That's six pounds. That's basically a child's bowling ball in three days. I can't tell where it's going or where it's coming from.

I enjoy the powder much more than the concentrate but this one didn't taste as much like Flintstone vitamins as I would have liked. It was not bad but it was just not what I thought. It was actually like a dark, sweet juice more than a water. I don't know what the line is between water and juice but if you gave this to one hundred people, I would say that everyone would call it a juice.

Karma is good at coming up with new flavors and this is good. It's not anything special. It's not a flavor that you haven't had before but they are always coming out with something new. This, if anything, is a nice, familiar juice that is low in calories and high in probiotics. That's a win, right? What more could you ask for? If you say anything you should not be so greedy. I already told you that Karma comes out with new stuff all the time. Jeez.

Purity is a company that I have grown to know and love. Their juices are of high quality without putting a huge dent in your pocket book. I'm currently in San Francisco recording a couple of songs at Tiny Telephone and I took a walk to the Mission for burritos and refreshments and my guys grew huge when I saw this bottle. I'm talking cartoon wolf ogling an attractive woman huge. In my head even the "ha-wooga" sound happened.

When I got back to the studio I cracked this open and my first thought was "Wow this is kind of week." The mate flavor is hardly there and it kind of tastes like a watery grapefruit juice with a touch of ginger in it. I had expected to be blasted with a strong bitter mate flavor and have the other flavors there to round it out. The more I drank it the more I grew to enjoy it though. It is tame, but every drink doesn't need to be in your face. There is nothing wrong with this beverage at all. The grapefruit and ginger tastes are very authentic, because it is made with organic juice. I do wish the mate was stronger. If it were this would get high marks. As it is it leaves a bit to be desired, but it is still very enjoyable. I'm just a boy with high expectations.