Crystalline Fructose - 57 Reviews

Dude? I'll drink thicker drinks all of the day. Creamy, syrupy, so on and so forth. I'll do it. Thing about it is that I want to know what I'm getting into when I open drinks. This drink was a strange, syrupy drink. It tasted fine, a lemon lime drink that isn't carbonated which, if you think about it, is kind of weird. When have you ever drunk a drink that is lemon lime that isn't pop? I don't think they make many of those. Associating a flavor with a type of drink aside, this drink is still a little strange. It tastes like they used a gallon of agave. I like agave, but it seems to make the drinks a little thicker than you might be used to.

Kids are dumb. They'll drink anything as long as it's sweet. This is sweet and has kids playing soccer and skateboarding and stuff on the package. Kids will love it. It's made for kids, not disgustingly cynical thirty year olds. Kids? Get some standards. Me? Lay off kids. They're just kids.

In the beginning there was Gatorade, and life seemed good for those who played sports. The big win didn't count until the winning team dumped a cooler of electrolyte filled liquid on their head coach. Then Powerade began being stocked on shelves and in coolers and people the whole world …€˜round said, “Why the hell do we need this inferior product when Gatorade exists?” The people were right to judge and Gatorade continued to reign supreme. Then the stars aligned and Vitamin Water burst onto the scene. It was like the beloved Gatorade, but with added vitamins and minerals to make it even more functional. On top of that the flavors actually had a variety of tastes, unlike the general Gatorade base with hints of other flavor. Thus began the age of the vitamin, but with all dynasties hubris took hold and Vitamin Water stopped coming out with new flavors and the world grew bored with them. They still drank it, but they did not love it the way they once did.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to a new age, a new dynasty of rehydration/sports drinks. It goes by the name A Game and it is what you have been waiting for. It is a drink that falls somewhere between the greatness of Gatorade and Vitamin Water. It has all the properties of a classic bottle of Gatorade, but it is bursting with flavor. It also has a bunch of vitamins added to it to round it out. You want to rehydrate? Well this has some sea salt in it and it puts other electrolytes to shame. It also has clover honey. That's right, they care so much that they used honey. Everyone loves honey. It even calms those angry bees.

With a flavor called “citrus” you would expect something generic like orange or lemon-lime, but this has a nice blend of different citrus fruit flavors that stands out on its own due to the sea salt and honey.

If this doesn't start being carried in gas stations and mini-marts all around the country I believe it may be a sign of the impending apocalypse.

I'll tell you what I need now is a taste of the tropics. I'm tired of the snow and the cold. Layers are for idiots. If I didn't have any friends or family, number one: I feel like I would be really depressed, but number two: I would go somewhere nice. I went to Key West a couple of years back and that was nice. It has a certain small-town, local, petina feel to it. I liked it. The entire time I was drinking this I wanted to be back there. I got a good taste of pineapple but I can't really place anything else. That's not to say it was bad, I just couldn't decipher any other fruits. It had that salty, Gatorade taste to it that I somehow like. Oh, nothing suits me after a long day of crushing weights like a nice, salty juice.

This was good. The flavor line is pretty promising, too. Pomegranate Cherry and the other one is just a generic "citrus" which is fine with me. They are something to look forward to. Am I at all on my A game? Nope. I don't know what that sensation is at all but I'm quenched. I don't know the streets, but I might say that I'm half way there.

Do you know what I'm in support of? Kids being strong. Keep in mind that I'm not around children very often, except the four or five that my friends have, but it seems every kid I see now a days is a little chunker. I blame television, video games and the fact that there is so much garbage in food these days. Sure my friends and I had TV and video games when we were younger, but we also spent a majority of our time outdoors exploring and skateboarding. Perhaps the fault lies in the growing number of creeps in the world that make parents not want to let their kids wander out of their sight. Who knows for sure?

Anyways, yes I am pro kid health. This drink is essentially Vitamin Water that is formulated specifically for children. It has all the vitamins and minerals that they need to be healthy and strong. Well, those alone won't make them that way, they do also need to stop being so lazy and go build a fort by the creek or something like that, looking out for Chesters the whole time.

This orange beverage tastes like someone took some weak Tang and mixed in some ground up Flintstone's Children's Vitamins. It tastes like it was made from a powder mix, but I chalk (no pun intended) that up to the high levels of vitamins in it. It is in fact a bit too chalky for my liking. If it were anymore than 12oz, I doubt I would have been able to finish it. I had a brief struggle with the amount I had, as the chalkiness got worse as I reached the bottom, even though I shook it up. This is a good concept, but the flavor just wasn't quite there.

James. You did something nice here. Here I am, laid out in bed and you thought of me and brought me a drink. You are a treat. You overheard my like for black cherry and lemonade and you found me a black cherry lemonade. Not only that but it's not terrible for my sick body. Not only that but it tastes pretty good. Not only that but...well I guess that's it.

I spent the last three days just up-chucking all over the place. I've got old newspapers and sawdust and kitty litter all over the place covering up my hurl spots. Look around you. I don't know why you took your shoes off. I know it's typically good etiquette to do so but you should have known at the mound of dirty towels covered in pickles from McDonald's hamburgers and french fries that you shouldn't have bothered. Anyhow, this is all sparkling, fruitful, lemonady and not terrible. It's got a little Stevia taste to it but it's better than that awful diet taste.

You really are a good friend. Hey, I appreciate you coming but could you do me a favor and push that pile of napkins covered in Big Mac special sauce, mustard, and a little bit of puke off the counter before you leave? I'm trying to watch Along Came Polly and can't see Jennifer Aniston's wonderful face though my mound of spew. Thanks dude. You're the best. You can use that hockey stick over there. Please don't use your hands. It might make me lose this drink, too.

Superfruit. How can you lose? It's vague, but who cares. Superman is vague but you get the point. He's better than a regular man. Wonder Woman? Sure, the naming convention is not there but you get it. Jay loves comic books and when he reads this, he will think one of two things. One: why is Mike once again talking about things he knows nothing about? Two: Mike's talking about comic books and he is awesome.

So as much as I would like to believe that somewhere on the Earth there is one fruit called a "Superfruit" that not only has a killer name but it also trumps all other fruits in things like flavor, sweetness, and that strange antioxidant chart. This drink, I've got to say was good but this so-called "Superfruit" got pushed around a little like a fit, muscular dude at comic book convention. No respect. This drink tastes good; very fruity and reminiscent of berries. It's nice. Now here's where the "if" or "but" comes in. If you don't like natural, low calories sweeteners like Stevia, this drink will lose points because as "super" as this drink is, it's being pushed aside by then. Those dweebs. Since I don't hate them and have begun to like and appreciate the taste, I actually thought this drink was pretty good.

Superfruit? Sure, you can call it whatever you'd like. Without any photographic proof, I can't really believe you. It's the scientist in me. Ask Jay and he'll tell you the same thing. Then ask Jay about his love for cats and Michael Stipe. Go ahead. I dare you.

We have the facts and the answer is that a lot of America is tired of being overweight and unhealthy. Gym attendance is higher than ever and so is the purchase of low calorie foods. I for one am all for it. I'm not saying that the skinnier you are the better you are, but everyone out there please take care of yourself. I don't want anyone out there starving themselves or purging. I just mean take little steps and put a little effort into things. When you do a little exercise and eat better you feel way better about yourself, and more importantly you feel better physically.

Uve is a company who takes low calorie foods a step further with ingredients such as WellTrim*iG, which they claim helps reduce body fat, promotes thermogenesis, supports healthy cardiovascular function, and helps to promote a healthy response to inflammation. The FDA hasn't verified these claims yet, but let's give these folks the benefit of the doubt. The soda also has a bunch of other ingredients to help with the metabolism of fats. These folks are taking the “diet” drink seriously.

When I first opened the bottle the smell was absolutely incredible. It was like someone smashed a bunch of apples and pomegranates and shoved my snout right in it. The taste didn't quite live up to the fragrance though. It starts off as a mild pomegranate and quickly changes to apple, and even quicker it then tastes like apples that had been soaking in stevia overnight. There's another flavor floating around there as well that I can only assume is the WellTrim*iG. It's a weird diet-esque taste that doesn't taste like any zero calorie sweetener I've ever tried.

As I said the drink doesn't taste as good as it smells, but would you really expect it to? It's a diet drink, and when you venture into that realm you know what to expect. The thing is that even though I have complaints with the flavor, they are fewer than I had anticipated. This is a superior beverage to almost any other low calorie or diet soda I've ever tried. They went diet, and somehow managed to make it taste remotely decent. Can you say the same?

This company has the brain down. They know ever nook and cranny of that gray shriveled grape that lives inside the skulls of the world. The know what to poke and prod to get the sought after effects. Want to make someone kick your assistant in their posterior? Just poke that little section there. Want to make them sing the Canadian national anthem in Cantonese? Give that little guy a squeeze. Seriously, Neuro can make us do whatever they want, that is if they could just get inside our skulls. Since we are grown ass adults, and they have no claims over our bodies, they have to do what seems to be the next best thing for them and that is to sell us drinks that will affect different parts of our mind grapes.

With this drink they figured out exactly what to mix together to put you to sleep and make it last all night. Normally with relaxation drinks I sleep sound and hard for about four hours. It's like I get a full night's sleep in a shorter span, but after that I wake up on and off. When I drank this I was out all night. It was magical. It doesn't taste too shabby either. It has a nice light citrus taste that clings to the orange side of the genre. It's non-carbonated, which for no reason at all, seems weird to me.

Science is a force to be reckoned with, and Neuro is nothing if not a group of scientists with a love for gray matter. It's terrifying if you think about it.

You'd think that Vitamin Water would just buy all the flavors and close all these companies out. Sure, it would cost them a bit of money to research and test all these to make sure they are right for work. It's just that they were there first (they might not have been but I can't remember any other ones) and I just associate flavored, vitamin-enriched water with them.

So Asante found one that slipped through Vitamin Water's cracks and made it. Good for them. One more "good for them" goes towards the fact that it's pretty good. I guess these vitamin waters (notice the no caps) are just watered down juices. It's hard to say. It is different. I do like them. I like this. This is like a three quarter dragon fruit and one quarter strawberry. I like it. I don't know where Jay got it, but he got it, and I drank it, and I liked it. What more is to be said for that?

Whenever I draw the sun, I draw it wearing glasses. It only makes sense, right? I mean, what is the brightest place in the world? Probably as the sun, right? You think that living in the desert having the sun beaming down at you is bad? Try being the sun. Did you know that the sun has never, and can never, look at itself in the mirror or it will implode on itself? So much sun directly focused on itself would cause the largest explosion the universe has ever seen, and that's coming from a scientist. In the same respect, if the sun, once again, who wears glasses, drinks Neuro Sun, it will explode. The sun creates vitamin D. It does not ingest it. The sun doesn't like it and it sheds it like sweat. The sun sweats vitamin D. You don't drink sweat and the sun doesn't drink vitamin D.

You, a person, can ingest all the vitamin D you can handle. You are a person, not the sun. You can wear yellow like Curious George's caregiver, or wear glasses like...someone who doesn't like to squint, but you can never be the sun. I'm not even going to apologize. That's a stupid request...wanting to be the sun. If you, like me, don't go outside as much as you should because of work, laziness, eight months of sunless weather, you don't get the vitamin D you deserve or need. Hence, a tropical flavored supplement. Sure, it's a bit diet tasting and a pretty nondescript "tropical" (note the quotes) flavor, but it's not terrible. It's not carbonated and is moderately sweet and is drinkable but most importantly, and as the primary selling point, it is chocked full of vitamin D, you know, from the sun.

You need the sun. You are not the sun. You don't need the tropics or the taste of it, but you like it. This drink is not mandatory, but it offers more than most drinks. That has to count for something.

Passion. Unfortunately, I don't think I've got it in me. Oh, it's absolutely terrible and I don't wish it on anyone. I'll tell you who does, though, this kid John. All night he was talking about going to the "singles mingle." He picked me as his wingman. Before the mingle we went to the casino and played some slots and blackjack. I don't like gambling and have never had great luck so it's better that I didn't play so I couldn't complain about losing $20. One of our friends won $500 on a machine but her husband may have lost it on drinks, slots, and blackjack so I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and say they're a push. Like that? Blackjack terms.

One thing that distracted me was this old man we befriended. He had on a gold Rolex Day-Date with diamonds on the bezel. Pretty money, dude. I was mesmerized.

We decided that our fashionable lateness was about due so we went around the corner to the singles mingle. Slim pickings friends. Oh, there were some birds there, but they weren't putting it out there, if you know what I mean. Girls were too busy with their friends or boyfriends to hang. John tried with a couple girls but they weren't having it. I spent my time talking to this kid Nate from California and then a drunk kid in a wheelchair threw up on himself in an equal part sad and gross display and we called it a night.

Maybe if everyone were half as smooth as I am and they were serving this Neuro Passion drink, everyone would be spending the night with their lover of choice. I've never had a wingman or a Neuro drink but this opened up the floodgates to new experiences. It was good and was shaped like a missile or something. It was lightly carbonated and did actually taste a bit like passion fruit. I'm hoping for a jolt of energy because the gentle rocking of the boat knocks me out. I was in the gym on the bike and I ate healthy so between that and this drink, we should be ready for a night filled with karaoke and fun.

Tomorrow Grand Cayman.

Snotty people eat grapefruits. They sit there with their silver spoons and carve away at the softball sized fruit and add their low calorie sugar and have themselves a little treat. They do this before their polo matches and tennis lessons, and lobster dinners. They do it before their trips to Paris, trips to the Bentley showroom, and trips to the bank where they deposit millions of dollars bi-weekly. Rich people. They live such a difficult job. Well guess what fellow schmos? I've got a secret that the rich people don't know about.

Inside this bottle of Clearly Canadian is pink grapefruit. Sure, there are a lot of chemicals, too, but being poor, we can handle it. We weren't fed organic, free range, farm raised chickens or massaged, sake fed cows. We were fed McDonald's. A lot. We can take chemicals, dirt, pesticides, lead, or whatever you throw at us, as long as it doesn't require us to see a doctor because health care is expensive. This drink, as far as I know and remember from the limited times I have had an actual grapefruit, tastes a lot like grapefruit. The sugar, albeit artificial, actually enhances the flavor to a point where even I, a previous disliker of the fruit, really like this drink. It's light enough that you, like I, can drink an entire bottle, regardless of its statement of 2.5 servings.

General public and not those who drive cars that are worth more than houses hundreds of thousands of dollars more than our houses, this is the drink that levels the playing field. If they find out about this, they don't have anything anymore. They don't have anything except for their 152 foot yachts, columned houses, argyle cashmere golf club covers, gold Rolex President watches, cars with umbrellas in the doors, and a couple other things. We're catching up.

An open letter to the beverage world,

Folks, don't you think you've beaten it into the ground? Perhaps we should just let it die in peace. Peaches are great. Mangoes are wonderful. When you combine the two they make a nice couple. You know the kind that will date for a few years, eventually get married and go on to have a nice respectable family. Everyone likes to know a couple or two like that, but no one wants to be surrounded by nothing but couples like that. It leaves one feeling like something is wrong with them for not being a part of such a wonderful couple. Then the non peach-mango will get desperate and try to pair itself with anything to be like the happy couples. That just isn't good for anyone. Am I making any sense? Of course I'm not. My point in that it seems every drink company out these days has a peach mango option. It's been overdone and it's no longer exciting. It used to be one of my favorites, but I no longer look forward to reviewing drinks of this flavor. I know you folks have more in you, so be creative. Match up some other fruits. I bet a passionfruit/dragonfruit would make for a wonderful wedding.

Sincerely,
Jason & The Thirsty Dudes.

ps. This actually has a decent peach/mango flavor to it, but for some reason they decided to add sucralose along with the sugar and crystalline fructose in here and you catch hints of it. I have no idea why they added it, but one serving still contains 42g of sugar, so it obviously wasn't to keep the calories down. Also if I didn't know there was milk in this I don't know if I would realize it was there, except for a little extra creaminess. Knowing it's in there grosses me out a little. I'm going to guess that 95% of this drink is all water, sweetener and milk. Take a second to think about making that in your kitchen. You wouldn't want to drink it then, so why would they put it in here? I don't see what it's there for at all. Take it out and maybe this drink would have gotten 4 bottles. As it is Derek is off crying because a cow was raped to make this drink. Fuze, why did you have to go and make Neulando Calrissian cry?

Oh the original line of Vitamin Water. How many bottles of you have I downed over the years? Dozens? Of course. Hundreds? Certainly. Thousands? Now that might be pushing it.

You see for years I had chronic stomach pain. I would wake up fine, but by the time I went to sleep at night I was in intense pain. I went to the doctor in 2001 to get it checked out and he gave me some pills. They worked a bit, but my insurance ran out and I didn't go back to see a doctor for over a decade. I learned to live with the pain. Then I went on tour in Europe and after a few days I noticed the pain was subsiding. By the time I headed back to the States it was gone. The first thing I did when I got home was to grab a slice of good pizza and drink a can of Arizona. That night my pain returned. I was extremely confused. It took me awhile before I discovered that most European companies don't use high fructose corn syrup. I decided to try cutting it out of my beverage diet. Again the pain went away. I had the secret to a stomach pain free life. Around that time Vitamin Water was one of the few companies readily available in gas stations that didn't use HFCS. I started drinking it constantly, to an extent that was probably unhealthy.

During this time Revive was one of my favorites. It's supposed to be fruit punch, but it doesn't exactly taste like it, maybe a little, but a very, very light version of it. I would narrow it down to more of a berry based fruit punch rather than a tropical one. If you haven't tried this before I'd be shocked. Now you know a stupid story abut me that doesn't affect your life at all. You also know very little about this drink. Here's a bit more. It's not overly sweet, but it's fairly flavorful. You know what? You can find this anywhere so just spend the dollar and try it yourself.

Calling something "clearly" anything, I feel, is a bit insulting. It's like using the word "obviously" as if to say, "You dumb dummy. It's obviously a 1981 MGB." I know, I know. It's called "clearly" because it's clear, but still...a titch too much for my liking. Speaking of "my liking" I liked this a handful more than the previous one I reviewed. This one still has a strange thickness to it, but it's totally drinkable and the grape flavor is pretty good. If I had a kid that didn't drink bottles who needed to be hydrated, I would let him have this.

We're half and half with this company and that's more than I can say for most companies so congratulations.

Oh gee. I hope this doesn't taste like loganberry. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like loganberry. I kind of have to, I mean, I am from Western New York. So, to reiterate, I hope this doesn't taste like loganberry. Oh, fantastic, it tastes like loganberry. Oh great, it's carbonated and filled with artificial sweeteners. Awesome, a diet, carbonated loganberry. Plus, factor in the point that I don't know how much I just paid for this and this adds up to the start of a horror story of a drink. If you had to bottle and flavor a horror movie, it would be this drink. If you could have a flavored knife cut across your jugular, it would be a terribly dull knife that, when licked, would taste like this. If you were to be disemboweled by an inanimate object, a large bottle of this would have protruding arms and legs pulling at your entrails, all the while laughing menacingly and squirting it's liquid in your mouth.

According to the Tori Amos song, which I can only assume like a great big idiot is the namesake of this drink "She's convinced she could hold back a glacier." Well maybe, just maybe she could hold back a wall of ice, but even if she could do that, there is absolutely no way she could hold back the monumental force of Glaceau as a company or in the way of flavor. Vitamin water has become as commonplace as Coke or Pepsi and that is something they should be proud of. They have done it with quality tasting drinks as well (okay their "Zero" line could use some work).

This is the first time I've tried the Spark flavor and I can assure you that it will be my new go-to flavor when I'm at random gas stations in the middle of nowhere America. I really think they should rethink what they are calling this flavor though. They have dubbed it "grape-blueberry" but obviously they modeled the flavor off of the blue Lik-M-Aid Fun Dip. It tastes exactly like you licked the white sugar stick, stuck in the package and then bit a big chunk of it off. It's delicious, but this drink tastes less sugary than the actual candy (which is basically solidified sugar dipped into powdered sugar). Also, it is fine to share this drink with someone, where it should be completely unacceptable to share your Lik-M-Aid. No one wants to double dip into your spit sugar.

As your father and coach, I am telling you that you have to keep hydrated, son. It's no laughing matter when you pass out and miss a pop fly because you didn't drink enough liquids. It's so simple to drink water, but now that it's come this far, you have to drink something else. A re-hydrator. You kids like fruit punch, right? Well here is a fruit punch that's made for brat kids like you who don't know enough to drink when you're supposed to.

Thanks dad, I mean coach, I mean daddy, I mean...why is this clear? Fruit punch is supposed to be red. You don't know? I know you didn't make it, daddy, but it just seems strange. Alright, fine. I'll drink it. It's pretty goo....ugh! What is this? It's not fruit punch! Don't lie to me. Did you do something to this? Are you trying to poison me? Did you marinade band-aids in here or something? It's kind of thick and although has a fruit punch taste, it isn't really sweet and has a bit of a thickness to it. It's not like water. It's almost syrupy. Daddy, why are you doing this to me?

Son, don't be a little girl. Just drink this and the other eleven that came in the case. I don't want my son, the son of the coach of this little league team, to pass out. Dehydration will humiliate me more that it could you. Drink up and meet me in the locker room. Stop crying!

M.A.S.H. was there ever a television show that was more boring, with a more depressing television show. When I was young it would bum me out so much when I'd be watching cartoons or Three's Company (one of the best shows ever) and they would end and that stupid song would start. Bummer City, Vietnam should have been the name of the show. Now that I'm older maybe I would enjoy the show a bit, but I think my past prejudices would hold up.

Maybe the actors would liven up more if the US Army would have packed their provisions with MASH drink. I didn't know what to expect with this when I bought it. I certainly did not expect it to be carbonated. It says on the bottle "A water drink," but just by seeing it I was calling their bluff. My best guess would have been an extremely intense Vitamin Water type drink. It turns out it was a lot like an Italian soda. It was sharply carbonated and tasted exactly like a mix of mango and blood orange. It was one of the best surprises I've had in awhile in the beverage world. I drank it while I was walking around Columbus, OH and I stumbled across a creepy tunnel that I circumnavigated. (Can you do that if it's not a globe?) I took sips periodically, and by the time I finished it the carbonation was gone and it was flat. Even flat it was still good. At that point it tasted like I originally expected it to; Vitamin Water.

The moral of this story is that instead of watching stupid reruns of M.A.S.H. you should go outside and explore creepy tunnels where you will find nice cats and then stumble upon a hobo encampment.

I hate these damn kids who are trying to be vampires. I know people who work in banks are always afraid of being robbed, but who would have thought a blood bank would be robbed on a regular basis? Have there always been teenagers who want to be vampires? Bram Stoker wrote Dracula back in 1897 so they have been a part of popular culture for over 100 years. I obviously wasn't alive back then but I can only assume it inspired some kids to want to drink blood. The earliest vampire craze I can remember vividly is when Buffy: The Vampire Slayer came out but I was still delivering papers back then. Ever since these stupid Twilight books and movies have become popular, I've had at least 3 nerdy teenagers a week trying to steal blood while I work the overnight shift.

Luckily I've discovered something to outsmart them. Harcos Labs makes this Blood Energy Potion that looks just like a pouch of blood. I've started to hang them up in front of the real blood pouches so when the kids run in and grab them, they don't get the good stuff. The jokes on them because this stuff tastes like bubble gum that's been soaking in a cup of fruit punch. The high-energy content will also make them twitch. I can only hope that it solves the problem and these kids get a life.

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We originally reviewed this for a Halloween drink article we did for Auxiliary Magazine. To read the full article and to check out the awesome magazine go to http://auxiliarymagazine.com.