Soda Pop - 1421 Reviews

There's concentrated orange juice in this? Whatever, i'll still take the crab juice.

Whenever I see that green, it usually means two things. Thing number one is that it is green apple. Thing number two is that it is going to be way too sweet and downright suck-filled. Was this any different? Eh, 75%. It was green apple but it lacked the uber-sweetness that other green apple pop has. In doing so, you can actually taste the drink itself, which, in and of itself, was not too spectacular.

I think that this flavor as a whole should go by the wayside. I've never had a green apple pop that I could finish an entire bottle of and I've never had one that I've wanted to take more than a couple sips. Kids probably love the stuff but as we all know, kids are dumb and will like anything that has sugar in it because they are mindless idiots. Yeah, I said it. You have been thinking it and I'm the only one who stood up and said it. I'm not afraid of a cavity ridden, hyperactive, pre-pubescent, pre-teen. Bring it on. I've been grizzled by life and am way smarter, wittier, and worldly than you. Enjoy your impending teens, suckers. They're going to suck.

I saw a twelve pack of these at a barbecue I was at today and decided I would drink it to review it. I normally don't mix the two, social drinking and reviewing, but I couldn't possibly drink any more Arizona Sweet Tea. I had one glass and it was just one glass too much. I cracked it open and wanted to enjoy the ride but the only place it took me was right on down to the crappy gates of Dietburg, a town that, for reasons unbeknownst to me, is guarded by gates. I looked at the ingredients and there it was: the dreaded Aspartame.

I thought we were done with that one. This with a slew of other diet sweeteners both artificial and natural could have potentially saved this drink. I mean, cherry and grapefruit could have been a wonderful match but instead it tasted like cherry and tart diet generic citrus. Aspartame really took a dump all over this drink. Wegman's, I thought you were better than that. I was wrong. Now I know what a disappointed dad feels like twice today because my son threw a handful of rocks at another kid with simultaneously disobeying me as I cried out "Don't throw those rocks." Giant bags of sadness and disgusting drinks for all!

I don't get it. I just don't get it. Arizona is a company that makes decent beverages. Sure, most of the time they taste a little cheap, but you know what you're getting into, and for the size to price ratio, it's great. They decided to move into the soda world, and did a nice job with their Lime Rickey line. Then they decided to make a variety of cream sodas that are endorsed by Shaq. They even used real sugar to sweeten them, which is rare for the company. Actually it's an all natural soda. All of these things pointed towards a truly enjoyable drinking experience. So, what went wrong?

I've tasted a plethora of cream sodas in my day, and I think this may be the first one I've ever met that I just couldn't finish. Of course this is a much larger quantity, but I couldn't even make it through a third of the can. That's less than 8oz. Like the blueberry variety I thought it tasted nice enough of the first few sips, but then I just couldn't handle any more. Also like the blueberry I blame the honey, which is strange because I love honey in pop. The problem with it is the aftertaste of the honey is almost as strong as the initial vanilla flavor. Maybe it's just that the vanilla flavor is too weak. If they increased the vanilla, the honey wouldn't stand out so much. It's also doesn't taste as sweet as cream soda normally does, which is strange because there is a decent amount of sugar in here (way more than one should ingest in one sitting).

This is a soda that had me excited, but in the end it just left me wanting more. Well, not wanting more of it, but wanting a better version of it. Shaq retired from basketball, and not perhaps it's time for him to retire from soda as well, after a very short time in the limelight.

There is nothing Swiss about this. It's made by Dr. Pepper, a doctor that should know better. A doctor that has a certain responsibility to tell the truth no matter how grim, disgusting, morbid, or unsettling it may be. A doctor that spent years in college in order to learn policies, procedures, right and wrong, and how to use a needle to sew someone's arm back on to their body. A doctor that can write prescriptions for things like butt rashes, bad gas, and other things involving your butt. A doctor who has the unfortunate task of telling people that they have "Barnyard Cat" kids with too many fingers. This doctor is telling you that this drink is somehow Swiss, which is isn't.

This drink is a regular ol' cream soda. It's a fine cream soda but it's nothing spectacular. That's my review of this. My review of your choice of doctor is as follows; if you have Dr. Pepper as a doctor, politely leave his office before he does something ethically wrong.

Holy crap this tastes like apple pie. I couldn't believe it. I thought it was going to be partially gross but it was actually pretty good. You could taste cinnamon and apples and other pie related goodness. It tasted like a "pie filling" more than an actual pie with crust and all, but hey, it's darn close. It also, miraculously, didn't taste too sweet and was not just a sparkling apple juice. There was magic in that bottle.

Hey Melba!! I want to try some of your delicious pies in both liquid and solid form! Melba? Melba!!!!

You know, when people put their names on things, it can go one of two ways. In this case, I'm assuming against everyone's assumptions, it went swimmingly.

Look, Shaq seems like a well-rounded guy, a kid at heart. You know the man loves Superman, right, like an immense amount? Of course he would have a giant can of strawberry cream soda. Only a kid or a seven and a half foot tall man would think that a tallboy of pop is a great idea. Oh, look. It is a great idea because it tastes great but it's a great idea in a standard issue can. This is three people's worth of pop. I'm probably drinking two people's worth but it is really good. It's smooth and strawberry. I think those guys at Arizona are really up to something. Jay said that the blueberry was good for four sips and then he needed a break. I might be in the same boat but the cycle of four sips, break, repeat is quite reinviting. I kept coming back time and time again. There is honey in there but it was only there if you really thought about it.

After drinking this I just want to have sex with basketball players or Greeks.

In the life of a Thirsty Dude one drinks a lot of drinks. I mean a whole lot of drinks. There are gems and there are stinkers. One thing that has happened is that I have found myself drifting away from the old standards, you know the big guys that have been around forever. Instead I drink a lot more boutique beverages, which normally use natural sweeteners. I'm happy to do it, and so is my metabolism.

I couldn't tell you the last time I drank a Cherry Crush (one of the few brands who's flavor precedes their company name when people speak them). I can tell you that when I wore the clothes of an older man when I was a younger man (thrift stores, what can I say?) I really enjoyed this soda pop. Drinking it now, I'm borderline disgusted as to how thick it is. I feel like the syrup they used didn't have enough water added to it. I have no doubt that this is how it always was when I drank it before, but I was ignorant of the other ways soda could be sweetened. Seriously, the thickness paired with the fact that a lot of cold medicines are cherry flavored leaves me feeling as if I should be sick drinking this (Please don't drink this while you're ill, it won't help anything).

After all of that complaining, I have to say this is a textbook cherry pop. It was certainly the first one I ever had as a child. The majority of the populace of the United States would never think anything was wrong with this, as they are used to HFCS sweetened sodas. It's sweet, it's fake fruity, and you get exactly what you would expect from it. It's the standard, but sure the standard could use some updating.

Is Shaq really that relevant in this day and age that he should be the spokesman for a drink? When was the last time this man made any sort of news? I mean it's been almost a decade since his Shaq Fu album came out and he's retired from basketball. I simply do not understand the reason for handing over a bunch of money to someone who is no longer in the spotlight, especially for a company that is already so established. I can only hope that the owner is just a huge basketball fan and Shaq was his favorite player of all time, so this is a dream come true for him (or her).

Even though I don't understand the endorsement, I was very intrigued by the idea of a blueberry cream soda. I've never tried one before, and it sounded wonderful. With one sip I knew that I had been correct. This was amazing. Then, about four sips later, I changed my mind. While this is great for a couple of sips, it becomes too much very quickly. Shaq is a big man, and this comes in a big can, and it's more than anyone would ever need. Everything was in place for this to be great: It's sweetened with real sugar, it has actual blueberry juice in it, the cream flavoring was from bourbon vanilla extract, and it had honey in it. I normally love honey in drinks, but I think it might have been the downfall this time around. There is something a little off with the taste that is not blueberry or vanilla and the only thing I can think of is the honey.

I let this sit twice and then went back for a couple more sips hours apart and each time I really enjoyed it for the first couple of sips, and then it would go south again. It's a shame. I will say that I do love the artwork on the can. It's goofy and wonderful, and it uses halftones in the best way.

Detroit is one hell of a town, and by that I mean it's kind of hell. It's a burnt out city (not unlike Buffalo), but it doesn't have the nature side to it that my hometown does. It's just endless neighborhoods that look like they should appear at the end of some apocalypse movie. I'm not one to generally feel unsafe in my surroundings, but I'm always looking for an escape route in any given situation in that city. On top of that it has the most torn up highway that I have ever experienced, but I guess that's most of Michigan and not just Detroit-centric.

A shining light through the dreariness that is the Motor City is that it is the home to Faygo. Now I know this company gets a lot of bad press outside of Michigan, because of the culture that has co-opted it, but let me tell you there are certainly some gems in their lineup ad Faygo Gold is one of them.

The company has a long running ginger ale in their repertoire, and it is not that bad. It's a general ginger ale like you would find in any generic brand. This though, this is something different. They don't even call it ginger ale. Instead it is “bubbly sweet ginger soda,” and I can think of no better description. It's not exactly a ginger ale, it has more of an actually ginger taste to it. It's also not a ginger beer because it's not intense. It has a subtle burn that it greatly appreciated, but it also has a very specific sweetness, that just does it for me. This is way sweeter than I normally like my soda, but something about the little bit of burn and the amount of sugar works perfectly. Faygo has done well in giving hope to the citizens of Detroit. Now we just need Robocop to clean up the city so civilization can begin anew.

Ahh, a bottle of vintage. I'll never forget those days, going to the grandparent's farmhouse during the hot summer months. Working with grandpa bailing hay, cutting dozens of acres of lawn, milking cows, and putting shoes on horses. The later was for fun. It wasn't actual horseshoes. It was my sister's shoes that she brought in case there was some sort of ho down at the town square that she needed to get all gussied up for. Imagine a pony wearing mid-sized heels. It's a treat to see. After a nice, moderate ten hour work day with pappy, he and I would go inside and talk about things like Bill Clinton, Atari, segregation in schools, apples, and the like. We would discuss these topical issues over a nice bowl of turkey caramels until it was time to go to sleep. Ahh those caramels. Nothing is quite as refreshing as sugar free turkey caramels. It just hits the spot after you have a nice turkey dinner with mashed potatoes and peas. You know how awful it is to eat a meal and then wash it down with something that doesn't taste like what you just ate. Oh, I hate it. If I just ate a hamburger, I wish there were some sort of hamburger ice cream that I could eat to keep my palate just where it was.



Pappy, if you're reading this, I don't miss those days and although my friends say that I was missing my youth, I thought that there is only one way to have such course, calloused hands and strong work ethic at ten. Those kids that were spending their youth playing football, having sleepovers, listening to pop music; those kids are soft. We, you and I, we are strong independent men who can take care of ourselves with the lay of the land. Animals? I'll milk 'em all of the day. We're men, pappy. All because of our talks and those delicious salty turkey caramel filled nights.

First of all, good one Motto. You got me. I knew this was sparkling and I saw some stuff at the bottom. Let's call it "sludge" for the sake of conversation. I turned the bottle upside down and moved it around and that sludge wasn't going anywhere. I looked at the bottle and it said, "Please shake well and open carefully" so I did. I don't know how carefully you can open a pop top bottle but as expected, it fizzed up over the top. I let that guy do his business in the sink. I'm no dumb idiot. I'm not getting all sticky and green teaful. That's for the birds.

After that debacle, I drank it. First sip I was turned off. Second sip through the end kept pulling me in. I "got" it. It's a lightly sweetened, super bitter Matcha tea. It tastes like a really bitter green tea if you've never had matcha before. It has vinegar in it, which seems odd, and you could taste it but it wasn't offensive. I don't really know what that guy was doing in there but he's in there, doing his thing. This drink was sweetened with honey, which achieves such high marks in my book. I'm going to say that to all Thirsty Dudes, something sweetened with honey gets a big thumbs up. The sparkling just makes the drink a little different and might actually cut the flavor down a little bit. Between everything going on in this bottle, the reprieve is nice.

I hope they come out with some different flavors. Maybe different strands of tea or some fruit tea? I'm giving you some gold here, Motto. Use it.

In the summer as a child, you eat hundreds of freezie pops: three per day every day for the whole summer. Quality is no issue, as you have to beat the heat with whatever you and your friend's parent's have. That being said, I don't know if I've ever had a bad freezie pop. Why do I bring this up? Well, I tee'd this thing up pretty obviously but if you can't do the math, this thing tastes like a strawberry freezie pop.

It's pretty sweet like those old people strawberry wrapped candies that are wrapped to look like strawberries and when unwrapped still look like strawberries. Come on, you don't know what I'm talking about? Grandma's and grandpa's have these lining the halls of their homes. For every five Precious Moments dolls there is one glass candy dish filled with either Werthers Originals or those strawberry candies. Go visit your grandparents if you can. They put out that candy for you and trust me it's getting dusty. They don't eat candy. It would take out their dentures.

Sometimes you find a really great pop from a popular brand and you are surprised. "What is this company doing making that other crud when they clearly have the ability to make stuff like this?" you ask yourself when you find it. Well? This could not be further from that scenario.

This tastes like perfume cream soda and is pretty downright revolting. Normally "orange cream soda" tastes like a creamsicle but this tastes like a bottom of the barrel orange pop that's just kind of weak and flavorless.

It's a shame that this is such a large bottle and 70% after sharing will meet its demise with the kitchen sink. Sorry starving African kids I think of every time I put food in the garbage or drink in the sink, but not even you would enjoy this gross drink.

You've got Grapeheads, Lemonheads, Cherryheads formerly known as the racist Cherry Chan, and Melonheads and Appleheads, which I have never seen and Orangeheads. This drink, as you could probably guess, tasted like Lemonheads if you dipped them in limejuice. It was almost hard to convince myself this wasn't just 7-Up or other comparable lemon-lime drink. It's not bad and it might be more real lemon and lime flavored than "those other guys."

If you like your Sierra Mist, 7-Up, Sprite, and the like, this is a nice, cleaner tallboy of that group that you might like to sink your teeth into. That's figuratively speaking. Please don't bite into this can. Just the thought of you doing that makes me cringe. Who bites cans? What are you? A goat?

Okay class, let's get the giggling out of the way. Yes, this drink is called Bawls, but you are in seventh grade, and you should be mature enough to be able to handle this lecture as well as the one on V-Blast that I have planned for this afternoon. It's 2013, you all lost your virginity at 11 right? Ugh, that's a gross thought. Kids, the internet is ruining your childhoods. Go outside. Explore. Cause some mischief. If you do those things you'll have a much happier life. Don't be in such a hurry to be an adult. Look at your parents and your friend's parents; do any of them look happy? Of course not, being an adult sucks. Responsibilities suck. Stay a kid, the things you have to worry about are nothing compared to what you'll have to deal with when you're older.

Okay back to the lesson. In the beginning there was Jolt. It was cola with excessive amounts of caffeine in it, so that kids like you could stay up late, sneak out and cause trouble. It was something, but it was nothing compared to the Red Bull craze of the 2000s. In between the two Bawls rose to modest fame. It was/is an energy drink that is powered by guarana and caffeine. More important than what the drink was is the fact that it came in these rad glass bottles with little nubs on them. They feel interesting in your hand, and it's just fun. Eventually they expanded their line. One of the flavors they expanded with was cherry.

Most guarana flavored sodas have a bubble gum style flavor like kola champagne. Luckily with Bawls that is not the case. The flavor is there a hint, but it's not overly sweet and overpowering. This tastes like someone made a Shirley Temple with an the original Bawls instead of ginger ale. It has a more maraschino cherry flavor than a cherry soda flavor. The result of it all is that it is wonderful and will give you a little energy boost without all of the weird chemicals that most modern energy drinks have in them.

There's the bell. I will see you all after lunch when we will continue our history of beverages section of the curriculum.

I am in Jersey for a wedding. I was just at an Italian restaurant for three hours. Do you know how long that is? It's a long time. It's a long time to sit there. Three courses. That's an hour per course. One hour dedicated to a Caesar salad. One hour dedicated to a small amount of pasta. The food was fine at best but the dessert was a wonderful chocolate mousse cake. Don't tell anyone, but I ate some of the cake from the girl that sat next to me because she wasn't as crazy about it as I was. She got up and left and I ate some of her cake. I talked to her. She's in the wedding party. It's fine. Well, the girl who sat across from me needed some medicine so I walked out to a 7-11 and got some. Being who I am, I also stopped at the drink cooler and checked it out and was pleasantly surprised with what I saw and basically had to buy.

I had to wait for another hour and a half to drink this, and I offered it to a nice girl in the elevator who politely declined, but here I am, sitting on my hotel bed watching an awesome episode of Seinfeld, drinking this rather awkward drink. Awkward? Yes. I said awkward. It's got chocolate, that for truth. Bosco, another Seinfeld reference, is chocolate syrup they used. The fudge I think they might be grouping into the chocolate. I don't know if there is an additional ingredient. The float? There might be an element of cream in there. It's got an almost sparkling chocolate seltzer taste to it. It's not bad.

I like that this is another Brooklyn treat and I am so close to enjoy it. Now if only that nice elevator girl would have enjoyed it, too. She missed out. Not on much, but she missed out regardless. I take a little offense that people don't drink my drinks when I offer them up. Don't you people know who I am?

There comes a time when mankind makes something that is not needed/wanted. Jones fulfilled this prophecy by creating this monster of a soda.

*Editors note: in the beginning of the video, Mike thinks I say it's in a can but I was trying to say that it was an exclusive to Canada but I don't know how to talk on video because I get nervous.

Without further adieu, here is a video of us drinking this collection of fries, gravy, and cheese curds in a bottle.



Jones Poutine soda was easily the worst soda I've ever had. It's been hours since I drank it and my stomach still hurts and I still feel like I'm going to throw up. I appreciate that Jones sent this to us, but on the other hand I feel like they played a huge elaborate prank on us.

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have been wrong for far too long. As we have recently learned the song should actually go, “You put the lime in the mango and you drink it all up.” You see mangos and limes go together far better than coconut could ever dream. We have sent a cease and desist to the Harry Nilsson estate and we have been assured that with the magic of technology his song will be digitally altered so that he sings mango instead of coconut at every instance. It's was really shocking how quickly the executar of his estate agreed to it. I guess she must be a huge mango supporter, but who wouldn't be?

To celebrate the change in the song Arizona has released this version of their Rickey line. It is some version of mango and lime juice mixed together and injected into carbonated water. In any world this is really just an interesting flavor of soda that comes in an oversized can, but we'll play the game and refer to it as a sparkling beverage.

Mangos and limes work so well together that I can't believe it's not a more common experience. This actually tastes more of lime than mango, and that might be the secret right there. Lime is normally a secondary character in the beverage world, but it has a co-starring role with Arizona, and the reviews all say that it performed amazingly. Now if only it came in smaller cans and with less sugar it and I could be BFFs.

Friggin' hot dogs, man. I love those guys. Jay and I used to have fantastic barbecues that would fill our entire front yard with punk kids who just wanted to have a good time. We lived in a nice, family neighborhood and these kids that were with us did not blend in. Nicest kids in the world, but not something you would expect to see in that place.

At the barbecue we would have hamburgers, hot dogs, veggie and non and an array of drinks. This is pre-Thirsty Dude so we didn't have the greatest stuff. Usually boxes of Gregory's, the straight edge box wine. One thing we did was get orange pop. Hot dogs are properly washed down with orange pop. I don't know what it is. It's probably the same thing that makes Papaya King make so much sense. This would have been a fantastic accoutrement…€Ž to those parties because it's a good orange. It's a standard orange but it's pretty crisp and not too sweet.

I would love to ask the new residents of that apartment if we could have a little cookout for old-time sake but I don't think they would like all those bikes in the front yard and Depeche Mode blaring on the stereo. I would though, brother. I would.