Soda Pop - 1421 Reviews

A haiku about Dr Brown's Ginger Ale:

light ginger-less soda
too dry to enjoy at all
watered down garbage

High school life for Alex and Ryan was rough, especially after Ryan's girlfriend got kidnapped. Ryan told Cyndi time and time again not to mess with Slick, but she wouldn't listen. They knew they couldn't let him get away with it, so they grabbed some lead pipes and took to the streets of River City.

They came across a lot of nasty gangs along the way. The Generic Dudes were more annoying than troublesome. The Frat Guys were as dumb as they looked. But it was The Squids that really gave them trouble. Throwing wooden crates at them just wouldn't work, so they had to bust out their Acro Circus skills. That showed The Squids who was the boss.

After that, they really needed to relax with a sauna and a nice bottle of root beer. Unfortunately you couldn't find any root beer in River City if your life depended on it, but at least we now know what it would have tasted like. It's really sweet and smooth, with a slight bit and a whole lot of flavor to it. Not special flavor, just your classic root beer flavor. It's too bad they didn't have this because it would have definitely helped them.

Jeremy, do you have coconuts for sale? You do? How much are they? Oh that's way too much. Do you have dent and scratch coconuts? You do? Is there anything wrong with them? They're old? Hmm. How old is old? Oh, that is old. You know what? If they smell fine, I'll take them. Can I get a discount since they're old? Awesome. Alright, I'll take a couple cases. What am I doing with them? Making pop. Yeah, coconut pop. I figure I'm one of the only ones I can have a nice corner of the market. Yes, I'm sure that better quality coconuts would make a better product. Sweetener? Corn syrup. Look, I've got to conserve money. This economy is garbage. Corn syrup and old coconuts is what my company will start with and as soon as things get better, we'll upgrade to better things.

I have made a sample batch, yes. It tastes a little thick and a little like coconut. The sweetener is a bit off, if I can be honest. I'm hoping people get hooked so when we pull the switch on cane sugar, it's a significant improvement. It's nice to have a constantly improving company and that's why I'm sacrificing quality initially.

Jeremy, thanks. I appreciate your help. I have written you a check for sixteen dollars for eighteen cases of old and damaged coconuts. I will send you some samples when I get them finished up. You don't want any? Alright dude, your loss.

Gilius Thunderhead was a strong dwarf who was an accomplished blacksmith. He became so strong became he was always wielding a hammer against an old fashioned anvil. He made swords, axes, railings, and everything in between. His favorite things to create were double-edged axes because he could get artistic and put all sorts of intricate filigree within the metal.

To unwind, he enjoyed drinking root beer. Sure, he's a short, tough guy, but he enjoys his sweets just like anyone. The company appreciated him buying case after case so much that they renamed their super-successful root beer to "Dwarven Draight" and Gilius was more than pleased. He liked the root beer because it was sweet, had a bit of complexity, and the taste stayed with you for a while.

The only group that he wouldn't share his root beer with was the Death Adders because they killed his brother and were generally quite mean and tactless. If you could hear the jokes they would make about minorities you wouldn't as much as share a stick of gum with them. Terrible, terrible people.

When she was younger Izze was obsessed with fruit. She would go out to her grandparent's farm and just devour any sweet piece of produce she could find; apples, pears, strawberries, raspberries, peaches, plums and even an odd cherry or two. She would often exclaim that when she grew up she was going to be a horticulturist so that she could grow the world's juiciest, sweetest fruits and keep them all for herself. Did I mention she was also a spoiled little brat? Her grandparent's farm was their only source of income. As much as they loved their granddaughter they always feared when she came to visit because their profits would drop drastically. Man that little girl sure could put away a lot of fruit. Their love won out in the end, and as a solution they went into debt, bought some more land, and expanded their farm. They used the extra fruit to make sparkling fruit juice, which they named after their beloved granddaughter. The juice actually caught on and became a hit. They owed their fortune to that little girl with the bottomless pit of a stomach.

As Izze grew older, she became more interested in things other than fruit. Her horticulture dreams were out the window. Now she wanted to be a magazine writer. No one knows why. She still loved her grandparents though and visited them often. When they realized her interest in fruit had waned they also noticed that she was beginning to drink a lot of garbage pop. Her grandmamma wanted to make sure that he health didn't suffer due to this so she used their gear and created a batch of her own soda for Izze to drink. The first batch was her take on ginger ale. Izze had been downing a lot of Vernors lately, so it seemed like a good place to start. She somehow managed to create a pale dry ginger ale that still tasted like ginger beer, but with no trace of a burn at all. It tasted clean and crisp, and best of all was that it was all natural. It tasted better than the mass-produced store bought stuff that Izze had been bringing around so she loved it. It didn't catch on with other people as much as their sparkling juices had, but it still won the hearts of quite a few soda drinkers. This all happened because of a little girl. That sounds creepy.

The Amazon is littered with fruits. Monkeys, snakes, spiders, and fruits. They all love fruits. Tourists come in, get bitten by a snake and run out giving the rainforest a bad name. The locals go in, snag some fruit, give a monkey a high five and leave. In and out. How it should be. Locals also know what some of the stranger fruits are and eat them and skip boring bananas. Bananas. Pfft. Locals go grab a handful of guarana and make some pop with it. Some locals want to push some of these delicious little dudes on the locals because they don't know what they're missing out of.

The company just sells guarana pop and the locals think that it's so strange and daring and it's really just good, fruity pop. It's almost like a bubble gum that has been chewed for a couple hours. It's sweet, fruity, and a little special. Feel special. Drink guarana pop and stop being such a tourist.

Pat went to a job interview at the old Fuhrman plant. He has always loved their pop as long as he can remember and when he saw that they were hiring so he decided he would try and get a job there. He put on a decent shirt and tie, clean pants, and some dress shoes that he never wears unless he's going to a wedding, job interview, or funeral.

When he was driving down the long parking lot to get to the main office, he noticed a truck backing up. He thought and assumed it would stop since he was driving in an empty parking lot and there was no reason why not to see him. Just as he thought that was going to be the case, it was too late to brake and the crazy truck driver wasn't stopping. Pat did what he could which involved nothing more than stepping to get to point A before the truck got to point B, otherwise someone was going to get clipped. Foot to the floor, Pat involuntarily yelled, as he knew it was going to be a close one but it was no luck. The truck skimmed the back of his car, scuffing some of the paint which was more than fixable but what wasn't fixable is that the otherwise good interview he was hoping for was going to be ruined now that some dumb trucker hit his car.

He went into the main office, upset, and asked to see the interviewer he had scheduled the interview with. The lady behind the counter said that the interviewer had left for the day and should have called him. Pat checked his phone only to find no messages or anything. The guy stiffed him. The lady saw that he was distraught so she gave him a bottle of root beer. He took it, thanked the lady and headed out the door. He took a sip and for the first time, he thought that the root beer was completely average. It didn't have any extraordinary flavors and it wasn't complex. It was just root beer. It was good, but today he needed something special and next to the crash and getting stood up, he needed something really special.

It wasn't Pat's best day so he went home to just veg out for a while and play video games. He would need them after a garbage day like this.

Franklin loves pancakes. He can't get enough of them. Some people have breakfast for dinner once and awhile as a treat, but Franklin has had pancakes for every meal for the past decade. You see his mother didn't approve of them. You see Franklin's father left her for the waitress who worked at the diner that would go to every week after church. Every week he would order a half-stack and silently flirt. One day he ordered a full-stack and once he polished them all off he announced that he was leaving the family, grabbed the waitress by the hand and disappeared into the summer sun. Franklin's mother never really recovered. To try and save face she blamed it all on the “devil's flapjacks” as she called them. From the time he was 7 until he left home at 18 Franklin never tasted another johnnycake. He would never let his mother know the truth, but as soon as he left home his obsession took hold and he ate battery goodness at every chance. He would drown them in maple syrup and just dig in. Sure he gained a lot of weight, but wasn't it worth it for that forbidden fruit?

Franklin eventually got a job at Tommyknocker soda brewery. He started as janitor, but slowly worked his way up to brewmaster general. It was then and only then that his genius was released on the world. Franklin put together a recipe that was sure to turn the soda world on its ear. He somehow successfully combined the nation's love of root beer with his own love of pancakes. Don't ask me how, I certainly don't know. He keeps his recipe locked tightly in the safe that is his mind. All I know is that the Tommyknocker root beer tastes like a nice vanilla and licorice heavy root beer that has been infused with liquefied pancakes that had drowned in a sea of syrup. It's strange. I'm not a fan of maple syrup myself, so I'm not a huge fan of this, but if you are this will leave you in a sticky sweet heaven.

If you love nutmeg then you will love this soda. I honestly don't taste much pumpkin in it at all, but it has so much awesome nutmeg flavor that I don't care. This is what I imagine a pumpkin pie would taste like if the cap on the nutmeg accidentally fell off when the baker was pouring it in. At that point they already had so much work put into it that they just mixed it all up and hoped for the best. I know a lot of people would hate to eat that pumpkin pie, but I would have at least 3 slices of that delicious mistake.

For a few years I thought of how great it would be if someone would market cereal milk. All different kinds, but particularly Fruity Pebbles and Golden Grams. There is nothing better than that flavor infused cream after you've finished the "solids" portion of your two course breakfast cereal. It's like drinking the bathwater of the gods and sometimes, before moving onto that final stage, I refresh the first, making the inevitable payload that much more savory. It's a harrowing exercise of will power to be certain but like any work-out or period of time without smoking cigarettes, it's more than worth it once you cross that finish line. It is, essentially, the bathwater of TWO gods now. Perhaps they bathed together. Maybe there was just a water shortage and they needed to conserve so as long as the temperature remained comfortable they just wouldn't drain it in-between baths. There is no limit to their hygienic routines as long as your imagination is healthy.

What I'm saying is, though this might sound like a good idea to some (or no one after that unfortunate analogy), I have found upon drinking HYPER MALT ENERGY DRINK that cereal milk is only delicious because the person drinking it worked so hard to make it. This energy drink tastes like someone took a bowl of apple juice, emptied the contents of a box of Wheaties into it, let it sit in the sun for a few days, took it back inside, gagged heartily, then ran the fluid through a colander into a bottle which went directly into my mouth. I don't see cereal milk being a big hit for anyone looking to be refreshed, and I don't see HYPER MALT ENERGY DRINK being a big hit for anyone looking to be energized. Unless of course you only need the energy required to hurriedly rush to the bathroom to spit it out before going back to watching Maury Povich like I did this morning. But at least it saved me the tens of thousands of dollars I was going to invest in my new milk company.

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When I asked Keith to rate the drink he said "0 of 5. No wait, NEGATIVE 0 of 5." Our scale only goes to "1" but keep in mind that if it was possible, it would be below that.

This is one of those times that I REALLY wish a company had a working website. The website http://www.way2coolsodas.com is on the side of the bottle but it leads to nothing. I doubt this company is out of business because I found this bottle at a Whole Foods in Santa Fe, NM a few months ago. Since I have no way of contacting anyone from this company, I am going to conduct a fictional interview with their owner.

Who are you?
I'm Lloyd, I live in Santa Fe, NM and I founded Way 2 Cool Sodas.

Why did you name it "Way 2 Cool"
I was sitting in my dorm room one day and I was thinking about how awesome it would be if I made my own soda. I thought to myself that if I actually did it, it would be way too cool. So since I couldn't think of anything more radical than that, it stuck.

Do you realize that "Way 2 Cool" is possible the worst beverage name I have ever seen? Even Kronik is better than that.
No way dude! You just don't get it.

And look at the artwork on the bottle! It looks like someone on an acid trip painted it.
I painted that and I do not admit that I did an eighth of shrooms and smoked a bowl before painting it.

The only way the horrible name and art would be redeemable would be if this root beer was exceptional, but it's not. It's pretty generic tasting root beer. I wouldn't be surprised if you took Safeway brand root beer, poured it into these glass bottles, and called it "micro brewed"
That's like, your opinion man.

There you have it. How this got on the shelves of Whole Foods, I will never know.

I found this on tour and was pretty excited to find it. Caffeine in root beer is a very rare thing. Of the 130+ root beers we have reviewed so far, only three have contained caffeine (Skeleteens Jack Black's Dead Red Root Beer, Barq's, and Bawl's G33K Beer). This bottle I have in my hand brings us to number 4. With all the added energy ingredients in this, I was fearing that it would taste more like a gross energy drink with artificial root beer flavor sprinkled in. To my surprise, it was actually really good! It has a very classic root beer taste, with a medium bite to it. If I had not seen the label, I would have never known this was also an energy drink.

I see that Eric's Famous also makes a cola. Hopefully we'll be able to find that one soon, and hopefully it's as good as this.

Along the I-90 in South Buffalo lies the abandoned Buffalo Malting Company. It's funny because I must have driven past it nearly a thousand times in my life, but it never registered. When someone mentioned it to me I actually had to put effort into finding it. I passed by twice until I realized where it was. It had become so engrained (no pun intended) in my mind as part of the scenery that I just wasn't registering it as an individual building. Then I saw a couple of jag off teenagers smashing things there. What fills people with the need to destroy things for no reason other than destroying it? It's infuriating. Sure it's abandoned but it's apart of the cities history and it's interesting to see what has been left behind.

I'm 99.9% sure that the grain that was processed in that building was never used to make soda, but a guy can dream can't he? I just picture it back in the 50's and the guys are strolling into work carrying their huge metal lunch pals with smiles on their faces because they know their hard work is going to make tasty sodas for the world to enjoy. During their shifts their minds will wander wondering what flavoring will be added to the malt. Will it be pineapple, grape or maybe a nice fancy raspberry? They each would get a case to bring home to the family on weekends and everyone would gather around the picnic table eating hot dogs and washing them down with a nice delicious malt.

The problem with this scenario is that I just cannot see kids enjoying malt soda right off of the bat. I think it's something of an acquired taste. I certainly didn't like it the first time I had it (I still think straight up malt drinks like Malta Goya are very high on the list of worst drinks ever). They have a weird grainy barley taste to them. It's like a non-alcoholic beer, which is also disgusting. The more I drink them to review for Thirsty Dudes the more I appreciate the complexity of the flavor. Perhaps if you grew up drinking them since you were little it would be a flavor that you loved. This particular malt would definitely take a shorter time to grow into. It's got a nice raspberry taste similar to a lot of raspberry iced teas, but instead of being mixed with tea it is mixed with processed grains. Strange, but who am I to judge? Oh yeah, I'm a professional drinkologist.

Not too long ago Dublin Dr Pepper got the old cease and desist letter from the Dr Pepper Snapple Group. For decades the Dublin Bottling Company followed the original Dr Pepper recipe, except they used cane sugar instead of HFCS. I'm not a huge fan of Dr Pepper, but I have to say I definitely enjoyed the Dublin variety more than the normal version. In the wake of this news fans will now have to resort to other companies knock offs if they still want cane sugar. Real Soda has stepped up to the plate with their Doctor Dublin. It's not quite the same as Dr Pepper, but I think they have improved upon the recipe. From the flavor I can only imagine that they lowered the ingredients that add the cola style flavor to Dr Pepper and increased the ingredients that caused the fruity flavor. It's nothing crazy or shocking. The difference in flavor is subtle, but I like it. If you're a Pepper I suggest keeping your eye out for this.

Gnomes enjoy mixing fruits and creams. Reason being they live in a region that encourages growth of all fruit year round. They also work for a large creamery owned and operated by gnomes. Seriously, everyone that works or is affiliated with the creamery is a gnome.

Gnomes are partial to strawberries and they thought that it would be a good idea to mix their finest cream with their regular strawberries. This led to the creation of this pop. Problem is that the gnomes have remarkable taste buds. Think of the way dogs can hear awesomely.

Us average sized people do not have the fine tunings of a gnome and therefore the flavors of this pop is lost on us. Everything is dumbed down and it tastes sweet and then as an aftertaste you get a tiny bit of strawberry.

Gnomes don't quite though so this pop will be made until the creamery closes it's doors for the last time. For the gnome's sake, I don't want that to happen. I just don't want them out of work, you know? These are tough times.

We are gathered here to celebrate the unholy alliance between Elvira Mistress of the Dark and the Crypt Keeper (you know the bony guy from Tales From the Crypt). I for one would like to say it's about time these two teamed up and I am glad that they found love together. Wait, what is that? The Crypt Keeper is just a puppet and not a real thing? Well that just makes this awkward. Elvira can't marry a puppet. That won't fly in this state. That wouldn't even fly in Vermont! So we're all agreed that the wedding is off? Good. I'm sorry to waste everyone's time. Feel free to eat all the food, no reason it should all go to waste just because someone didn't do any research on whether or not her future husband is real or not. That's right Elvira, I'm looking in your direction. For shame!
Okay everyone; don't forget your wedding favors. Since this wasn't a traditional wedding, we decided to do things a bit different and had some soda made up. We came up with it fairly last minute and the brewery needed a label quick, so we just called it "Elvira-Crypt Keeper Cola." The printer messed up, as they always seem to do and it ended up saying "Elvira's Crypt Keeper Cola." I guess that makes more sense now anyways. So yeah, grab your bottle and enjoy. It's a smooth cola. We expected it to be fairly dark with some bite, but nope. As I said it's fairly smooth and simple. It actually reminds me of the cane sugar version of RC Cola. Now there's a great cola and anything that reminds me of it is something I can get behind.
Don't worry Elvira. I forgive you. This ended up being a pretty fun party. You sure know how to liven up the room. Next time just do a bit of research before you pick a potential husband.

I accidentally purchased this. I just looked quick and thought it was the non-diet version. Oh well. I'm not a huge fan of black cherry sodas, nor do I like diet drinks. Give me a came sugar “regular” cherry soda any day. Oh that would be nice right now. Instead here I sit with aspartame and my friend's darker cousin. Wow, that sounded racist.

If this wasn't diet, I actually think I would really enjoy it. It has actual cherry juice in it, which is a rarity in the world of sodas. It starts you off with a nice sweet fruit flavor, but unfortunately the devil's sweetener calls for a mutiny and the flavor is upset into a gross diet aftertaste. It's still decent and I would choose this over most diet drinks. It's also kosher, so if you're Jewish the doctor says, “You're welcome.”

You may ask yourself, "Why would they make a pop in the worst flavor candy they make?" The answer to that is, "What? Do I run the company? I don't make the decisions." If I had to give you an answer, it would be that kids probably love puckering their youthful cheeks and chug this stuff down like it's the water they should be drinking because they are only eight and already are on the fast track to tooth decay.

Honestly, it tastes like a carbonated version of the candy you may or may not love but remember regardless. Your mind knows that this is terrible for you and I would like to see an adult who can look me in the face, drink this entire bottle, and tell me that they still feel good about themselves.

Drink half this bottle and call it a day because although it doesn't have all the sugar you would expect, this drink slays your taste buds and you need those for dinner. If you can't taste your spaghetti because you drank a whole bottle of Jolly Rancher pop, your mommy is going to be so sore at you.

Grape soda comes in two varieties. The more natural version and the classic generic children's party drink. The prior is grape juice, sweetener and carbonated water. The latter is loads of sugary syrup, a flavor that doesn't actually taste like grapes that we have accepted as a grape flavor and carbonated water. I'm no fool. I knew that a pop made by Real Soda was going to land in the fake category. I was perfectly fine with that. Fake grape is actually a soda flavor that I can really get behind. It's not something that I would drink all of the time, but it has its place. This drink surprised me though by falling somewhere in-between the two poles. It's definitely more fake grape than carbonated grape juice, but it actually has hints of real grape flavor and not just the garbage fake kind. Also, since it is sweetened with cane sugar instead of HFCS it's not as thick as most grape soda. Calling it light isn't quite right because it is still bursting with flavor. The consistency is just different. In the barbeque and kid's party filled world of fake grape soda this is the best I have ever tried.

Shoppers played a show in Buffalo last night and I was so excited when I saw this lavender soda in Derek's cupboard. Watch the video to see what I thought of it.