Soda Pop - 1421 Reviews

Franklin really should have been paying more attention to his travel agent when she explained the dangers of wandering outside of the tourist areas of Mexico. When she started going into her spiel of things to avoid his mind began to wander to all of the rad things he was going to do while down south of the border. He assumed she was just going to talk about not drinking the water, and he was no dummy, he knew all about that. Franklin had also watched enough television to know all about bribing the Tijuana. He was all set. Now the only thing left to do was envision trading small children sticks of gum for tours of secret wondrous locations. As I said Franklin had watched a lot of TV and he knew how things worked, or so he thought. It's now three months later and he has been tied up in some cellar beneath what he thought was a corner store. With the bag over his head he could no longer keep track of the days, but he's pretty sure he's been down there for at least a week.

Oh Franklin, where did you go wrong? Oh yeah it was that like always you didn't listen to those who knew more than you. You strayed away from the path set out for those who want to safely visit the country of Mexico, because of that insatiable thirst of yours. You saw an old faded sign on the side of a building for Barrilitos soda. You knew it was an authentic local pop, and you really wanted to try your hand at a bottle of the pineapple. You sauntered into what you thought was a store, but which turned out to be an outpost for a drug cartel and here you are in a dirty basement with no food or water, and a bag over your head. Sharon must be worried sick, but you do always find a way out of these situations. We have faith in you.

Oh yeah, I know you've been holding onto the idea that as soon as you get out you're going to celebrate with a bottle of pineapple Barrilitos. I hate to be the one to have to break this to you, but you are in for a disappointment. I know you've built up the flavor in your mind into something incredible, but it's really a sub par soda. It tastes remotely like pineapple candy on the first couple of sips, but the more you drink, the less it tastes anything like pineapple. The more you imbibe the more it just tastes like a nameless citrus soda that isn't very good. I suggest you get yourself a Jarritos instead. Please, please listen to your travel agent next time that is if there is a next time.

"Zompo!" that's the word. We're going to invent the new "awesome" or "tubular" or "radical" or all those other timeless phrases. What's going to start to inspire it, team? This pop. Nothing says "zompo!" like kiwi, lime, and cream. Kids and adults alike love when all sorts of things are mixed together and this certainly is a lot of mixed things.

Look, I've never been to Italy and I'm also not Italian, but if I know Italy and Italians, it's when you mix kiwi, limes, and creams together. That is Italian. Pizza and spaghetti, sure, that's more Italian, but you're not going to make a pizza or spaghetti pop, although I have thought of it due to my love for both foods. Look, kiwis are exotic, limes are wonderful to add a little zing to things, and cream soda is used to really smooth things out. Who doesn't love an exotic, zinging, smooth drink? Certainly not me, I love the stuff.

I've brought you all in not only as interns, but also as testers for our new products. I wanted you to taste a bit of this and let me know what you thing. Shannon, you are the voice for the team. What did you think of this? Strange tasting key lime pie? Is strange tasting good? Not really? Hmm. Can you break it down a little bit for me? Too much overall flavor in the beginning and it's not until a minute after you drink it that the cream kicks in and it tastes good for a couple seconds. Well that's not very good. Very sweet and a little stingy? Alright, that's the cane sugar and the lime. I wonder if we toned it down in both departments it would be better. What's that Carl? Oh. Team, Carl the director of operations said that we've already made ten thousand bottles and we can't afford to dump them all out and start with a new recipe.

I hope that Shannon, you and your team are a small subset of the population and this isn't the way that most people see this drink. We've got other flavors, sure, but I put a lot of thought into this one. Carl, ship 'em out and let's see what happens. Shannon, you and your team can collect your ten dollar gift cards to K-Mart on the way out.

14-year olds of both sexes are piling into the store to behold the Sex Soda. The boys stereotypically make rude comments that only their testosterone filled friends can hear, while the girls just giggle uncontrollably. Children can be so immature. Oh wait, when Neuland and I came across this in the store we laughed hysterically. Our reaction was actually closer to that of the female youngsters, but come on this is hysterical. Sex Soda? Seriously? I think the funniest part about it is that we didn't come across it in Spenser Gifts, but rather we found it at a reputable candy/soda store. Sure it was up high on a shelf off to the side, but there it was and there we laughed. I'm halfway through this bottle and I'm still chuckling. The label has silhouettes of a couple in various “erotic” positions. The whole thing just looks like it should be some sort of joke, but I'm pretty sure this company is completely serious, which only makes it even funnier. I believe the company is serious because it actually tastes good. It has that herbal soda taste blended perfectly with a decent natural cola flavor. It's that cola flavor that's not quite something crazily micro brewed, but also a far distance from your everyday Coke or Pepsi. I really think the herbal flavor mixes in perfectly with the cola. Like many times in the past I find myself wishing that this were just a normal soda and not one with specialized effects. I just want to drink something for its taste and not for it being “boner juice,” which it's not for the record. It's my opinion that they are claiming that it's an aphrodisiac is because ginseng and ginkgo biloba so that it just keeps you awake so you can “put in the real work.” I'm also 99.9% sure that horny goat weed is in this solely due to it's name. Oh well, I'll probably be awake until 5am again tonight, due to this. It's always great to notice things like “contains two servings” after you've polished off the bottle. Now I shall continue with my giggling for a few more minutes and watch some dumb movie on Netflix streaming. The quality of movies that I watch has gone completely downhill since it's become a part of my life.

Words cannot describe how excited we are that Cassandra was willing to do a review for us. She is one of the funniest and wittiest people to have graced the screen. As it turns out she is obsessed with Dublin Dr Pepper, and has been trying to round up all of the bottles that she can since it recently went out of production. If you ever come across a bottle I say you let her have it first. Now on to her review:

R.I.P. DUBLIN DR. PEPPER - (1891-2012)

I was recently shocked and saddened to learn that in January of this year, Snapple sued the Dublin Dr. Pepper Bottling Plant to stop making Dublin Dr. Pepper. They had apparently violated their contract with the company who also sell the drink, by allowing it to 'leak out' of the 44-mile radius in which the Dublin, Texas company was contractually confined to selling it.

I loved Dublin Dr. Pepper. It was my caffeine delivery system of choice and I'm extremely sensitive to caffeine so it gave me a fantastic buzz. I generally drank it only when I was working as Elvira, whether shooting my show, Movie Macabre, or simply signing autographs at Horror Conventions. It gave me energy, without the frenzied mania, shaking and sweating that a cup of regular coffee gives me. And DDP made me happy. I know it's basically only sugar, water and carbonation, but that bubbly little concoction in the adorable baby glass bottles did more for me than just give me 'Star Energy'. It actually made me funnier than I usually am. Which is pretty funny. I referred to it as 'Comedy Juice'. And because it had the abbreviated word for Doctor in it, it gave me a false sense of health and well-being.

It reminded me of my childhood. It tasted like the real real thing. And the little glass bottles were the perfect size. No yucky high-fructose corn syrup. No diabetes-inducing 20 ounces of sickeningly sweet fake flavor in a gigantic plastic bottle; no canned metallic after-taste, just 8 refreshing ounces of soda-pop euphoria. I also loved the fact that you still needed a 'church key' to open it. No stinkin' twist-off cap for Dublin Dr. Pepper.

It was fairly expensive, but still cheaper than 'crack'. I'll admit it. I was a Dublin Dr. Pepper junkie.

In fact, upon hearing the news of it's untimely demise, I bought up every bottle I could lay my hands on, over $500 worth of the stuff. I know, right? It's crazy. I don't drink alcohol to excess or do drugs or smoke. Dublin Dr. Pepper was my addiction and soon, after my stash is gone, I will be forced to go through a Snapple imposed Detox.

Goodbye Dublin Dr. Pepper. Looks like I won't be seeing you anytime soon. Not at 10:00, not at 2:00...not even at 4:00.

- Cassandra Peterson AKA Elvira, Mistress of the Dark


Here is a video of her enjoying a bottle in character:

Why don't more people make melon pop? Who doesn't like melon? It's so darn refreshing. I personally like cantaloupe more than honeydew, the flavor of this drink, but if either are available at a party, and I am there, you had better make your plate sooner than later because I am going to house that thing like I haven't eaten in days. When I was on a cruise over the Fall I probably ate ten pounds of fruit. I love it. Melon is great. I love it. The end.

This pop is probably the best melon pop I've ever had. It's sweet and right on the cusp of too sweet but it's not there so it's acceptable. It tastes remarkably like actual melon, not like candy melon, which, I will also append, there is not enough of. It was actually refreshing and that's not something that happens when I drink dranks. Yeah, dranks.

Buy it. Love it. Do you like melon? Do it, son!

After my disappointment with yesterday's birch beer I needed a soda that would be redeeming. While I have issues with Johnnie Ryan because I have emailed them several times about their products and I have never heard back from them, I also know that they know what they are doing when it comes to making soda. Also, they are local to us so that makes it hard to stay mad. One of the emails I actually sent to the company a couple of years ago was regarding whether or not their birch beer would be made available in bottles. I had a glass of it in a “fair/carnival” themed restaurant in the mall once and it was pretty great. As I said I never got a response, but here I am with a bottle in front of me, so I guess the answer to my question was “Yes.”

The Mercury Brewing Company messed up their birch beer pretty bad, but Johnnie Ryan got everything right. The bottle doesn't mention it, but the cardboard the four packs come in say that it is “black birch beer.” I was intrigued by this, but assumed it was just a quirky name. Wrong. This is the darkest birch beer I have ever tasted. The store in the mall was correct to carry this as their main beverage because it definitely falls under the category of “fair birch beer,” but they took it further and made it very dark, full bodied and flavorful. This is a new product in bottle form and I really hope it sticks around. I always have a hankering for some birch beer, and it can be a pain to find a decent one around these parts.

To sum things up, this may be the best birch beer I have ever tasted. You should definitely pick some up if you see it. Also, Johnnie Ryan you make great sodas, just try to get better at responding to emails. Your mother wants to make sure you're doing okay out there by the falls.

When you hear the words “birch beer” you get certain expectations in your head. Images of a root beer that has evolved dance across your mind. It's crisp. It's clean. It's woodsy. One thing that does not enter your thoughts is vanilla. Definitely not crappy vanilla, that is for sure. Yet, that is what is in this bottle. It taste like the company had a vat that was 1/3 filled with birch beer, and when they went to make more they accidentally put in the ingredients for cream soda. In a blind taste test I would guess that this was a store brand cream soda that someone put a little extra baking vanilla into. Would I be wrong, or would Mercury Brewing Company be wrong for claiming this was a birch beer? You be the judge. Actually don't waste your time and money on it.

In less than 2 weeks, I will no longer be living in Buffalo. I am returning to where this website was started, Portland, OR. While I won't miss the snow or the bitter cold winter here, I will miss Wegmans. I've been to grocery stores all across the country, and none have ever compared to Wegmans. Trust me, it's a great store.

What's not so great is this diet cola they make. It has the patented battery acid taste that comes with most diet drinks. It's a cheap soda and it shows in its taste. Wegmans is amazing, but I think it's a natural law that it can't be awesome at everything or else the world might explode.

Are you diabetic and tired of diet sodas that taste like mouthwash? Are you sick of giving your hard earned money to multi-billion dollar corporations like Pepsi or Coca-Cola? Do you want an alternative? Well here it is! Johnnie Ryan Diet Cola! Developed and bottled in Niagara Falls, NY (yes, THAT Niagara Falls), Johnnie Ryan is a local staple of Western New York. While they still use sucralose as their dietary sweetener, they managed to make it not taste like battery acid like so many other diet colas do. The minimal bite means that even your grandma will be able to enjoy this pop. Now don't just sit there, get up and go buy a bottle from your local corner store!*

*This drink may not be available at all local corner stores. Check with the proprietor of the establishment to see if they have it in stock. No purchase necessary, void where prohibited.

Ma'am, what do you think you're doing? Yes you ma'am. What are you trying to hide ma'am? I know for a fact that you are not really a hula dancer. You see, I went to Hawaii on vacation once, and I saw a whole slew of hula dancers and not to be rude, but they were a thick lot. It was a great show, and I had no complaints, but I did learn a thing or two about the art of hula. I'd even go as far as to say that show made me an expert. You ma'am look like a starving child, you are certainly no hula dancer. So what's the deal? Are you a spy? Don't make me call the police on you. I learned form billboards that if I see something I should say something, and I'm pretty sure this constitutes something. Oh you're doing promotion for a line of all natural energy sodas? Well if they really were all natural I think they really should have gotten an actual hula dancer, and not some random in a skirt and a lei. If you are who you say you are you better give me one of them there sodas, so I know they aren't a bomb or poison.

This smells decent. Nothing like any other energy drinks that I've had before. Oh wow it doesn't taste like an energy drink at all either. It has an almost herbal flavor to it, with a bit of light fruit flavoring as well. If the label in any indicator it's a mixture of pineapple and lime. It's pleasant. It also has a very clean taste to it, which I feel is a strange thing to say about a drink, but that's the way I feel, so I'm going to say it. Who are you to judge, you're posing as a hula girl for minimum wage. I actually like this a lot. I would definitely buy this over that artificial garbage I see in all the gas stations. Where can I buy this around Denali, Alaska? Nowhere? Well you're certainly of no help to me. Why don't you go off and finish your life as a faker!

Buddy Schaub is the trombonist for Less Than Jake. He did this review for us after a show in Niagara Falls in a haunted theatre.

Vinnie is the drummer from Less Than Jake and he also owns Paper & Plastick. I met up with him at their recent show in Niagara Falls. After this review we went and explored some haunted "tunnels" underneath the theatre. Good times!

This is another old soda that the good folks at Orca Beverage Soda Works had the right mind to bring back from the grave. Apparently Jersey-Creme was originally available as flavored concentrate used to make cream flavored products in the early 1900's. This magical concentrate was so good it was turned into a cream flavored beverage that had the slogan "The Perfect Drink".

Calling yourself the perfect drink is a bold and dangerous statement. It almost makes people have more scrutiny over you. This is a good cream soda, but I would never say it was perfect. In a weird way, I think it's too creamy. I like it when cream soda has a little bite to it, a little edge. This is just smooth sailing all the way down. Maybe I'm the weirdo that thinks cream soda shouldn't be extra creamy. All this talk about 'cream' is starting to gross me out a little.

I never thought I would ever find a red cream soda better than Crush Soda Mousse. Avid readers of Thirsty Dudes are probably sick of me talking about my love for the delicious cream soda from Canada, but I don't care. It's damn good! But sadly, it's throne as the best red/pink cream soda has been taken over by this wonderful soda I have in my hand.

This soda is a tad heavier, due to the corn syrup used. Even with that handicap, the taste on this is much better. It's creamier and smoother than other red/pink cream soda's I have had. The cherry taste is also much more prominent. I know Barq's is most well known for their root beer, but both of the cream soda's that I've had by them have been incredible. My advice to Barq's: use the wide distribution network that you use for your root beer line and get these cream soda's in stores all around the country. People will buy them. I know I will.

I've never had cherry cola before. Okay, that's a bold face lie. What I'm trying to say is that after drinking this cherry cola, I now realize that I have never had REAL cherry cola.

Drinking this soda is like bowling. No, you're not required to wear a pair of weird rental shoes from the 70's when you drink this. Nor does it smell like your uncle. Upon first sipping it, you get this delicious full cherry taste that goes down really smooth. This is just like the smooth roll you get when your bowling ball goes down the lane. It has a nice calming sound, and it seems to last forever. But then just as you start to really enjoy it, the ball crashes into the pins. That is when the cola taste hits you. It's a sharp and deep cola bite that I don't know if I've ever experienced before.

I'm looking for things to be critical of, but I can't find any. This is hands down the best cherry cola I have every consumed.

Some nights you just sit to kick back and relax with a bottle of soda and a good movie. What good movie should you watch? Well obviously the answer to that is Elvira's Haunted Hills. Wait, you mean you've never heard of the sequel (prequel?) to Mistress of the Dark that came out 13 years later? You my friend are in for a treat. Imagine if you will if you took a common household blender and threw in Elvira and the Mel Brook's classic Young Frankenstein. Puree that up a bit and the result is Haunted Hills. It's fun and hysterical in the dumbest way possible; exactly the way I like it.

What else could accompany this movie than a drink endorsed by the Mistress herself? The picture on the label even looks like one of the half dozen times she screams as some one (namely Lady Hellsubus) opens a door at the same time as her. This is a (s)cream soda of the red variety, much like the infamous Crush “soda mousse.” The vanilla isn't incredibly strong, but it does have a faint sweet kind of berry taste to it. It's not a standout cream soda, but it's slightly better than most other cane sugar sodas of the flavor. Now if you are a fan of fun like I know you are go out and get some soda and get your hands on Haunted Hills and enjoy your night. You've earned it.

Or you could just take a day trip to the beach, but don't forget your SPF 1000 sunblock.

Kel loves orange soda. I don't really know why he chose to mention it so much. Orange, to me, is never fantastic. It's just "good" all the time. It's better in certain scenarios, like BBQ's and picnics, but for the most part, it's not something to love. Kel, I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm saying you should update your "love list" of pop. I know you've got one. You seem like the type of guy that has an ongoing list of things he loves and more frequently than you would imagine he updates it, reorders it, and tweaks it so he knows just what he wants out of life. The more you think about it, the better of an idea it seems. It's like a wish board that inspires you to go for what you want in life.

This pop shouldn't be on the list. It's good. Nicely sweet, nicely flavored, but it's just an orange pop. Cane sugar or not, sweeteners can't bring this drink out of the rut that it is destined to be in.

If his list is anything like mine, there are things like a Lamborghini Countach, tacos, and a vintage stainless steel Rolex Datejust on it. He and I may be completely different, though. I've never met the dude. Kel, if you're listening, you are more than welcome to do a guest review and clear up with the general public exactly what is on your wish list.

Sally, you've got your science project due tomorrow right? Did you do it? Oh really? Come on, Sally. Don't lie to your daddy. Did you do it? You did? Well let me see it. As a scientist, I need to see what science projects leave this house. I know you're only ten but I've got a reputation in this community as a fantastic scientist and if you leave this house with a Styrofoam mobile of planets or a baking soda volcano I will be the laughing stock of the science community.

What was your project on? Mixing liquids? That seems interesting. Acids and bases? That type of stuff? Oh, look at you. Using words like carbon dioxide and oxygen. You're a regular chip off the old block. So, what did you make? Oh, a bottle of pop. That's actually a pretty good use of mixing liquids, Sally. Oh, you drew a little cartoon on the label. What's that? A bear driving a hot rod down the road filled with bubbles on a picnic placemat. Well, I've got to say, for a ten year old, that's pretty detailed. How does it taste? Oh, you like it. Well that's good. Do you have any extra? Oh, thank you. I'll just have a little glass. It's close to bedtime and I don't like sweets so close to bed, but my doctor does. Ha ha ha! Oh, that's a little dad joke. No big deal. Sally, how much sugar did you use in this? What did you use for the flavor? You mushed up mixed berry jelly you took from IHOP this morning? I guess that is a pretty easy way to get flavor. It does taste just like how “berry” would taste, not knowing what kind or kinds of berry or berries I'm ingesting.

This isn't good and it meets my approval. I think that the teacher might agree with me but if you could make some more bottles, I bet your little friends would love it. You kids love your sugar but my checkbook sure doesn't. Ha ha ha! Oh just another dad joke.

A list of some things that are interesting:
- A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
- A man named Charles Osborne had the hiccups for 6 years.
- Butterflies taste with their feet.
- It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.
- The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.;
- The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
- If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall.
- Hippo milk is pink.
- If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."
- Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team his sophomore year.

More interesting than all of those is the taste of this drink. It tastes like winter holidays and tropical locations at the same time. I can only assume that children in the Caribbean leave bottles of this out for Santa on Xmas Eve. Somehow this tastes nothing like I expected it to, yet as an afterthought it tastes exactly like it should. I anticipated a heavy clove flavor, but in fact in this drink lime reigns supreme. The hibiscus rounds out the lime so it's not very tart and it makes it taste fancy. If it were just those two things I'm pretty sure I would love this drink. When you factor in just the faintest hint of clove it puts it through the roof. The clove is the secret to the craziness of this drink. There is nothing harsh about it, but it's there and it's exotic. It's cold here in Buffalo, but while I'm drinking this I'm lounging on a beach with the sun beating down on me and I have a plate of freshly cut mango on the table next to me. Life is good.

It was weird drinking this in my house because it felt out of place. This soda screams "Grandma's fridge" or "sketchy gas station/corner store in the middle of Pennsylvania". It looks generic and (surprise surprise) tastes generic. Editor Dan brought this back to us from his travels, and I'm very appreciative because now I know that this definitely is NOT "a treat" (sorry, I had to). I've had worse, but I could throw a bottle cap and find a better root beer than this.