Soda Pop - 1421 Reviews

Mark, I quit. I thought this was going to be a dream job for me, but everything went wrong. Dealing with soda day in and out is what fills my mind grapes as I sleep. You know how people count sheep to help them fall asleep? Well, I count soda bottles. I know it sounds insane, but it's my passion. The thing is I can't have my work be a lie. When I submitted my resume to Best Health I believed this company believed in the betterment of the state of our fellow man's health. I suppose it's my fault that I didn't do more research on the company, but I really thought that what we made here was going to be carbonated fruit juice with no sweetener added. That is what I think of when I think of healthy soda. That's not what we make here at all though. What we produce and peddle is flavored sugar water with some bubbles in it. Actually the bubbles aren't a part of the problem at all. They are actually pretty great. The problem is that this soda isn't even close to healthy. Sure it's better for people that corn syrup sweetened soda, but what isn't? On top of that our flavors aren't even that grape. I'm really only basing this statement off of our raspberry flavor. When it's in your mouth it is just sugar soda. There is only the smallest tinge of fruit flavor. When you swallow it does have a generic berry aftertaste, but that's not what a good soda is. Mark, I really think this company needs a complete overhaul, and unless that begins now I'm walking out that door and never looking back.

Sir I assure you that no matter what number you write down it's not going to change my mind. Fine write it down and then I'm out that door. Oh wow! A quarter raise?! If you need me I'll be down in the bottling area. We can't afford to miss a single shipment!

I turned 30 one hour ago. Most people fear turning 30, but I have actually been excited for it. It's probably because I have a lot of friends who are over 30 (including our very own Jason Draper) and they are still awesome.

I decided to break out a fancy soda for my first soda of my 30's. I've been waiting to try this one for a while, and it was well worth the wait. The blackberry is the first taste that hits your tongue, and it tastes like the juice that sits in your mouth after you just ate you're 20th blackberry in a row. A tangy pomegranate comes next, but it doesn't stick around long.

The only disappointing thing about this is the ginger, or should I say lack of ginger. It's what I was most excited about and it's barely there. I wanted it to have a deep burn in the aftertaste, but it's so subtle it's barely there. It's still a great soda. I just wish the ginger had more kick to it.

Old-fashioned taste means different things to different people. There is a place around here that is legendary for "old fashioned" subs. I could go for one of those subs every day and as the years progress they only get better. New bread, new sauces, new ingredients, but at the heart, they are fantastic subs made fresh right before your eyes. I honestly believe that eighty years ago these subs would have tasted the same as they do today. I would do an awful lot to go back in time and try that theory out. I would order a turkey sub and have it with a Bennett's lemon cola and test the "old fashioned" waters. I'd sit down with my inevitable fancy pants, hat, shoes, and pocket watch and eat a sub and drink a pop.

You know what I would say? I would say that this sub is delicious and this pop leaves much to the imagination. It's kind of thick and the cola and lemon are a bit...abrasive. I would also wager a guess to say that in "old fashioned" times, they didn't use artificial sweeteners. Between this and a lemon Pepsi, I would take a Pepsi, but since I'm in old times, I'd have a soda jerk whip me up a genuine vanilla Coke.

Although this would never happen and I will always and forever be stuck in present day like a dumb dummy, I can imagine and know that things haven't changed for subs but have changed for Bennett's.

When I saw the Cooper's Cave sodas in the store I bought every flavor they had. They are a quasi-local company (about 4 hours away) and the labels looked great. Seriously, look at the design on any one of their flavors. They all have a cool comic book look to them. Remember what your mother said; “Don't judge a book by its cover.” This is one of those times when that nugget of wisdom works in the opposite way of what she meant. I guess “All that glitters is not gold” is another way of putting it.

This is one bland birch beer. An average amount of birch beer flavor hits you as soon as you take a swig, and just as quick it's gone. It tricks you in much the same way that diet pop does. You're greeted with a nice flavor that quickly dissipates, but instead of the gross sting of sucralose you're left with nothing. It's strange, it's sad and it leaves me wanting more flavor.

I went into this drink without knowing what to expect. I didn't think I had ever tried rhubarb before, so I wasn't sure what this would taste like. As soon as I took a sip I instantly remembered sitting in the kitchen of my grandparents farmhouse and taking a generous bite of a stalk after some urging by my grandmother. At the time I wasn't a big fan. I didn't think it was terrible, but it wasn't anything I needed to eat.

I now recognize a lighter, dryer version of that flavor in this drink, except now I'm an adult and my tastes are refined. I actually like it and it makes me wish it were summer so I could go cut down a stalk and gnaw on it. As I said the flavor of the rhubarb isn't very strong in this. The same can be said for the strawberry. Both flavors are obviously there, but they are mellow, like Ben Murphy in the film Riding With Death (the best episode of Mystery Science Theatre ever). This could have very easily had a “down on the farm” taste to it, but since they chose to sweeten it with agave it has a modern soda flair to it. Out of every sweetener (except zero calorie ones) agave has the most distinct taste to it, and I love it.

Death Valley gets a bad wrap. Whomever named it should go back to marketing school, assuming they didn't graduate, and try again because they forever blackened the name of that place. Look, sure, things happened, it's hot, it doesn't have a quenching water park, and there isn't a nice suburb filled with crap like Applebee's, TGI Friday's, and Joe's Crab Shack for families to go to on the weekend. I am no city planner but I can tell you that you don't need those things to make things happen. I do know you can't have a place called "Death Valley" and have it give off the "fun" vibe.

Here is a start. Everyone that crosses the border from outside to inside Death Valley gets a complimentary bottle of their root beer. This root beer has a fantastic, real vanilla taste that is with you on every sip and a nice, dark flavor throughout. Dark like Death Valley at night but cool, unlike Death Valley, like...ever.

This might have to be limited to one bottle per car as we are trying to fix the image of Death Valley, not bankrupt them. Limit one per car, please share. Don't forget to stop at the Death Valley memorial on your way in and out for great prices on sweatshirts you would have to be crazy to wear anywhere within 250 miles of Death Valley.

When I purchased this I thought that the ice cream company of the same name made it. It wasn't until I was looking up the website that I realized that the ice cream company spells their name Breyers. Oops. It has the same name (different spelling) and it's a cream based soda. I don't think I was too far off base. Oh well.

Where Breyers makes quality ice cream, Briar's makes a mediocre lemon cream soda. I wanted this to be a really creamy cream soda, but instead I got a bottle of lemon soda with trace amounts of cream. Actually, the lemon wasn't even that strong. This would have been awesome if it was strong lemonade mixed with cream soda, but alas it's lackluster lemon soda.

Briar's red birch beer looks pretty great. I can't wait to try that. Breyer's Blasts Snickers looks more than great. It looks otherworldly. I should probably mix the two together and lose my mind for a while.


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UPDATE
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We received an email from the company asking us where we purchased this because this flavor has been out of production for several years. They also said, "It would be more like an antique bottle with liquid in it than a soda pop!" Ick.

Years ago while strolling down Mission Street in San Francisco my traveling companions and I were trying to decide where we should get burritos. The number of “Mexican” restaurants on that street alone is staggering. Since we knew we only had enough room in our stomachs for one burrito we needed to make it count. I heard the sound of kids skating, and when I looked over at them I saw one of the most glorious sites of my life. On a building someone had drawn a mural of a sombrero wearing chili pepper with a gun chasing a hard-shell taco wearing glasses. I instantly busted out laughing. I pointed it out to my friends, and we went inside. Coming from the northeast I will always appreciate when I can get some authentic Mexican food. This taqueria served the best burritos I've ever tasted. On top of that they were huge and only $3. After we left my friend Gak informed me that hard-shell tacos did not exist in Mexico and they were a “gringo” thing. I previously had no idea, but that made me love the mural even more.

As soon as I read this label I instantly thought of those burritos. The label says, “Hecho en California por gringos!” It also says, “Pierda peso carbon!” which roughly translates to “lose weight bastard!” Basically it's saying that gringos can't handle the real deal Mexican Cola, so here's a light version of it to help them lose weight because they are all fat. It sounds about right to me. I'm normally not a fan of diet sodas, but it looked interesting so I gave it a try. I wish the flavor had been as interesting as the taunts. This tastes like your everyday diet cola. There is no kick to it at all. If I did a blind taste test between this and any store brand diet cola I doubt I would be able to decide which was which.

Now I'm just thinking about burritos. I wish I was a flight attendant so I could just hop on a plane to the west coast right now to get some quality burritos. Man, that would be the life.

Jeez. You know how you've got real strawberries, right? Strawberries are an actual fruit and they're pretty good as-is. If you covered them in sugar, you would have the candy version of strawberries. Take that same rock-solid methodology to pineapples, some of the best fruit that ever touched this earth, and you've got this drink. Holy crap it is sweet. It tastes like candied pineapples, like pineapple candy. I had some pineapples for lunch, alright, one off of someone's plate, and I can say for certainly that it didn't taste like this. It would have had I poured a packet of sugar on it, but who would do that? Idiots and kids, that's who.

Don't mess with a good thing, India the beverage company not the country. Pineapples are great. If you want to make pineapple pop, just add carbonated water to pineapple juice. No sugar. You'll go and ruin it and no one likes a ruiner. The third album "Ruiner" from A Wilhelm Scream, on the other hand, everyone should like, as it's gold.

We made it. Never in our wildest dreams would we think that we would make it to two thousand reviews. Did you know that there were two thousand drinks out there that weren't alcoholic? You might have, but come on it's still impressive. In order to celebrate, we drank this Champayno and it wasn't bad. It tastes like a fine dry ginger ale. If I had to drink non-alcoholic champagne, and the sparkling fruit juice stuff wasn't available, or I was at a lawyers party for some reason, like I was trying to get on the board, or was dating one of the members of the boards' daughter and she brought me to the party, I could drink this and not look like so much of a child. Not overly sweet and different than most ginger ale you have had.

Anyhow, thank you for your support over these past two thousand plus reviews. We've got plenty more in store for you so keep tuned in.

Once again I have been derailed by the taste of a drink. I was planning on writing a big long story about a dog, named Sparky, on a boat and all the adventures she has had. But then I took my first sip of this and was blown away by the taste.

This may be the most complex root beer I have ever tasted. Given the tagline "old style", I was expecting this to be a middle of the road classic tasting root beer like Dad's or IBC. Instead, what I got was a wave of delicious and interesting flavors. At the base level, it's a nice hearty root beer with a medium bite. But once you sit back and take in all the other flavors, it's incredible.

The ingredients include wintergreen oil, anise, and vanilla which are all strongly present in the taste. Each sip tastes different, which is awesome. Sometimes you get a strong licorice aftertaste, and other times it's a smooth vanilla flavor followed by a minty tingle on your lips.

Congratulations Sea Dog, you have made my top 5 root beers of all time.

Once a year the abominable snowman takes a trip into town in order to pick up supplies to help get him through the winter. Sure, he was once a savage that lived in the mountains of Nepal, but times have changed. It's a crazy world out there, and he decided for a change. As a result he ended up in northern Canada (How could he say no to universal health care?). The only problem with this is that people would run in terror at the sight of him. Then the pitchforks and torches would come out and it would end up being a terrible day. In order to get around this he has learned to wear baggy clothes and to shave off all of his visible hair. Don't worry though it grows back, fast. In fact it grows back too fast.

Last year he got all ready and trekked into the local town. He purchased everything that he would need for the upcoming winter. He purchased some rice, beans, chocolate, canned vegetables and most importantly a case of Jones' Strawberry Lime soda. It's his absolute favorite. If he could buy 20 cases of it, he would. Too bad he couldn't carry that much with him back up the mountain. It's hard enough lugging a single case up to the summit, but he does what he has to do. He then rations out the bottles to one a week so that they last all winter. It's hard to do and he usually spends the last month of winter soda free and grieving. He really just can't get enough of it. It doesn't really taste like strawberries, but more of a candied version of it, but the lime is pure lime all the way. The way lime mixes with other flavors will always be a mystery, a delicious mystery. It's sweet and bubbly and it hits the spot perfectly during the long Canadian winters.

As I was saying he had purchased everything he needed and was about to leave town, when he noticed people giving him weird looks. He scowled back thinking they were just being rude, until he caught a glimpse of his reflection. His hair was growing back sooner than expecting. During the 2 seconds he looked in the window it had gone from slight stubble to a two-week beard, and it didn't seem to be stopping. He panicked and ran threw town. Leaving most of his purchases by the storefront. He got out of town as fast as he could. He was already back at his mountain before he realized that the only thing he still had on him was his case of soda. Oh well, he might be hungry all winter, but at least he had his beloved soda. You don't believe me? Well take a look at the bottle. Someone snapped a picture of the rampage last year and sent it in to Jones. It won the contest and made it onto the strawberry lime label. If he wasn't so embarrassed to return the town, I'm sure he would be overjoyed that his image now graces his favorite soda.

Are you aware that Mike and I are scientists? It's true. We got our science degrees years ago by doing experiments such as the famous "any headphones work with an iPod," "cats don't like taking baths" and who could forget "let's write 100 songs about BBQs." Now that you know are schooling, know that our degrees make us experts on pretty much everything. As you can see we have covered basically everything. It is with this authority that I would like to remind the world that Malta Goya is in the top 5 worst beverages ever created for consumption. The sheer filth of it made me believe that any beverage with the world with the word malt in the title would also be gross to a large extent.

Schweppes has changed my mind. Well the Schweppes that is located in Egypt that is. How crazy is it that I'm sitting here tipping back a can of soda that was made in Egypt? Here's to progress! Now back to the review. This is extremely surprisingly good. With each sip I like it more and more. It tastes like it's made with actual pineapple juice, when it's really made with "flavorings." I really think that using real juice would be the only way to make this better. It doesn't taste anything like I would expect malt to taste like. It tastes like neither a Malta Goya nor Malt Balls candy. Maybe it does ever so slightly taste like a light Malt Ball, but I think this is a completely different side of malt that I had never seen before. It's a side that I like. It's a side that I would want to go get food with and then hang out at a bar with on a Friday night. It's a side of malt that I wouldn't be ashamed to bring home to my mom. Malt, you've changed and if you can stay this way I think that I would like to spend the rest of my life with you.

While 80% of this bottle has a fairly terrible design, the bottom 20% is great. The little dude (who I assume is Hermes) chugging away on a mug of soda is classy all the way. So is the text on the bottom. After looking at it a little longer I'd like to change my stance. 80% terrible was a bit rough. The whole design is actually great minus on thing that ruins it all. The typeface used for the flavor of the soda is horrible. Childishly horrible and it's so big and distracting from an otherwise aesthetically pleasing label.

I've been a huge fan of cola for the past couple of months. I think I slightly burned myself out on ginger and root beer. Cola was waiting in the sidelines and the couch put him in as a started for few games. The thing about cola is that they all taste slightly different, but I never know how to describe the difference (well unless it's a fancy cola like Fentimans makes). This is smoother than your “classic” colas like Coke or Pepsi. It has a full flavor, but nothing about it really sticks out. I finished the bottle two minutes ago and I've already forgotten the subtle nuances of it. I guess that is a sign that while this cola is tasty in the moment, it is ultimately forgettable.

When I showed someone a picture of this, they said, "My teeth hurt just looking at that". Rightfully so, this drink is ridiculously sweet. I have described many drinks as tasting like Jolly Ranchers so I was pretty excited to try this branded soda. Did they pull it off? Of course they did, it's their recipe! Despite the overloading sweet taste, I really like how tangy this is. I wasn't expecting it, but it almost has a sour aftertaste that's pretty awesome. Even though it's hard to drink this all in one sitting due to the sweetness, I'm looking forward to trying the other flavors now.

Hey Fred, can you pour me a root beer? You might want to put down that licorice first or else you might... drop it in the glass like you just did. No, it's ok. Luckily I like licorice, so this should be interesting. Wow, that gave it a really strong licorice/anise taste! I love it. It has a good bite too. You might be on to something with this Fred, what a happy accident.

This delicious soda has a sordid past with Franklin Mercer. As you all know, he grew up in rural Pennsylvania and this soda was in every store. At a very young age, before he even had his first sip, Franklin knew he loved soda. From ages 3-7 he would bug his parents every time they were at the corner store for a bottle of it. Like clockwork, they said not until he turned 10. This made no sense to Franklin because his older brother had been drinking root beer since the age of 4. Those Mercers were always hard to understand.

This all took a turn for the worst one day when he was visiting his grandparents in Kingston, PA. While they were taking their usual afternoon nap, he ventured into the kitchen for a snack. He couldn't believe his eyes when he found a bottle of this Reading Draft Creamy Red Birch Beer in the fridge. Without hesitation, he cracked it open and took his first sip of liquid heaven. He promptly drank the whole bottle and hid the evidence behind some newspapers on the counter. He didn't hide it good enough because his father found it an hour later when he came and picked it up.

As you can guess, Mr. Mercer was furious! He thought long and hard about what Franklin's punishment should be and he came up with the meanest thing he could think of. As long as Franklin still lived with his parents (which ended up being around 23 more years), an unopened bottle of this soda would be permanently affixed to his bedroom dresser. That bottle just sat there everyday, taunting Franklin. You'd think this would have turned him off from soda, but it actually increased his appetite for the sugary drink.

Franklin never had another bottle of this creamy red birch beer, which is a shame, because it's really good. I'm more partial to birch beers with a good bite to them, but this tastes like a mix of birch beer and red cream soda.

When I first bought this, I thought it was a play on Nikola Tesla's name. I had this whole review written in my head about Tesla coils, electricity, etc. Then I did some research and turns out this soda is from the 1930's and its name comes from the fact that it used to cost a nickel. Like most things, Coca-Cola bought them out in the 1950's and the soda was just a faded memory after that.

Luckily there are great companies like Orca Beverages that brings these old flavors back for us to enjoy. I especially want to thank them for this one because this cola is incredible! It's really complex and has lots of interesting ingredients like kola nut, neroli, and coriander. One of the most distinct flavors in this is cinnamon. I never though cinnamon would go well with cola, but it definitely does. It gives it a slight kick, not as much as Dr. Pepper but it really helps make this soda unique.

Feeling sluggish? - Zompo!

Enjoy sparkling fruit juice - Zompo!

Like fake ethnic drinks? - Zompo!

Know the molecular makeup of hotdogs? - Zompo!

Get Zompofied people!

I think this may have been created as a prop for Breakin' 2 - Electric Boogaloo. The label just screams 80's break-dancing and graffiti. Maybe Zompo was a character in the movie, but his appearance was left on the cutting room floor in order to give the film a shorter running time. I bet Zompo could do some sick freezes.

Less about the fictional character Zompo and more about Zompo the soda. I was shocked to see that this actually has strawberry and raspberry juice in it (albeit in concentrate form). It's rare that either of those fruit juices appear in soda. Normally when it's supposed to be one of those flavors it's all artificial flavoring and ends up not tasting like the fruit at all. This on the other hand definitely tastes like juice, juice laced with ginseng. Oh ginseng our dirty, dirty friend. YOU can always be spotted in drinks with your weird root/dirt flavor.

There are two misleading things on the label.
1. It's says it's an Italian style smoothie. There is nothing about this drink that would qualify it as a smoothie. It's a soda pop, or possibly a sparkling juice. It just doesn't have the consistency of a smoothie. Oh man, think of a nice thick smoothie that was carbonated. That would just be terrible. I mean I would of course drink it, but I would be weirded/grossed out the whole time.

2. The flavor is Wild Berries & Cream. That would lead one to believe that this was some sort of cream soda. One would be mistaken. There is no vanilla flavor, nor is there any creaminess to the texture of this drink. As I said before it tastes like carbonated berry juice with some ginseng thrown in the mix. Speaking of which, it's kind of odd that they chose to add ginseng, ginko biloba, guarana and caffeine to this. I think it makes it an unnecessary energy drink. Oh well, at least it's a natural energy drink and not filled with man-made chemicals.

Oh gee. I hope this doesn't taste like loganberry. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like loganberry. I kind of have to, I mean, I am from Western New York. So, to reiterate, I hope this doesn't taste like loganberry. Oh, fantastic, it tastes like loganberry. Oh great, it's carbonated and filled with artificial sweeteners. Awesome, a diet, carbonated loganberry. Plus, factor in the point that I don't know how much I just paid for this and this adds up to the start of a horror story of a drink. If you had to bottle and flavor a horror movie, it would be this drink. If you could have a flavored knife cut across your jugular, it would be a terribly dull knife that, when licked, would taste like this. If you were to be disemboweled by an inanimate object, a large bottle of this would have protruding arms and legs pulling at your entrails, all the while laughing menacingly and squirting it's liquid in your mouth.