United States - 4098 Reviews

Gilius Thunderhead was a strong dwarf who was an accomplished blacksmith. He became so strong became he was always wielding a hammer against an old fashioned anvil. He made swords, axes, railings, and everything in between. His favorite things to create were double-edged axes because he could get artistic and put all sorts of intricate filigree within the metal.

To unwind, he enjoyed drinking root beer. Sure, he's a short, tough guy, but he enjoys his sweets just like anyone. The company appreciated him buying case after case so much that they renamed their super-successful root beer to "Dwarven Draight" and Gilius was more than pleased. He liked the root beer because it was sweet, had a bit of complexity, and the taste stayed with you for a while.

The only group that he wouldn't share his root beer with was the Death Adders because they killed his brother and were generally quite mean and tactless. If you could hear the jokes they would make about minorities you wouldn't as much as share a stick of gum with them. Terrible, terrible people.

When she was younger Izze was obsessed with fruit. She would go out to her grandparent's farm and just devour any sweet piece of produce she could find; apples, pears, strawberries, raspberries, peaches, plums and even an odd cherry or two. She would often exclaim that when she grew up she was going to be a horticulturist so that she could grow the world's juiciest, sweetest fruits and keep them all for herself. Did I mention she was also a spoiled little brat? Her grandparent's farm was their only source of income. As much as they loved their granddaughter they always feared when she came to visit because their profits would drop drastically. Man that little girl sure could put away a lot of fruit. Their love won out in the end, and as a solution they went into debt, bought some more land, and expanded their farm. They used the extra fruit to make sparkling fruit juice, which they named after their beloved granddaughter. The juice actually caught on and became a hit. They owed their fortune to that little girl with the bottomless pit of a stomach.

As Izze grew older, she became more interested in things other than fruit. Her horticulture dreams were out the window. Now she wanted to be a magazine writer. No one knows why. She still loved her grandparents though and visited them often. When they realized her interest in fruit had waned they also noticed that she was beginning to drink a lot of garbage pop. Her grandmamma wanted to make sure that he health didn't suffer due to this so she used their gear and created a batch of her own soda for Izze to drink. The first batch was her take on ginger ale. Izze had been downing a lot of Vernors lately, so it seemed like a good place to start. She somehow managed to create a pale dry ginger ale that still tasted like ginger beer, but with no trace of a burn at all. It tasted clean and crisp, and best of all was that it was all natural. It tasted better than the mass-produced store bought stuff that Izze had been bringing around so she loved it. It didn't catch on with other people as much as their sparkling juices had, but it still won the hearts of quite a few soda drinkers. This all happened because of a little girl. That sounds creepy.

The terrorists really win when you drink this stuff. They come at you from all angles and all you can think is, "It'll be alright" as you are getting shot every which way. Do not go into battle after you drink this stuff. Do not operate heavy machinery because when you're driving a gigantic dump truck thinking, "I feel really relaxed right now." you're running over half a dozen cars and you don't even know it.

This drink works. I feel totally relaxed and quite apathetic at the world around me. Sure, it doesn't take much to get me to that point but the former is a stretch. I am just a little sleepy but even when I say that I know as soon as my head touches the pillow my day will be over and then some.

This stuff could not taste more like medicine. Even down to the light carbonation/stinging, this drink does not fail to deliver in its familiar yet undesirable taste. What it lacks in a nice, soft, black cherry taste, it makes up for in actual results. I could probably take a punch in the face with a smile about now. There's nothing in this drink that is medicinal either. The only unnatural ingredient is the corn syrup. Everything else is just a relaxation herb.

This drink makes me feel like the first few times I had a Bob Marley tea, so if you want that feeling all over again, and you don't need to drive a backhoe and your city isn't overrun by terrorists, this is a great drink that you should enjoy exorbitantly responsible because it could end you and you couldn't care about it.

Things are strange when you get a “diet” version of a drink that doesn't taste all too different from the original, and that certainly doesn't taste diet. This says it's lo-cal, the strange this is there isn't a no calorie sweetener in it. It still has evaporated cane juice in it. I'm assuming it's just a lower quantity of it. The drink does taste a lighter than the original, but I think it actually makes it more enjoyable. Acai can be one intense fruit, and here it's mellowed out. Natural energy that tastes decent. Well done Sambazon.

The Amazon is littered with fruits. Monkeys, snakes, spiders, and fruits. They all love fruits. Tourists come in, get bitten by a snake and run out giving the rainforest a bad name. The locals go in, snag some fruit, give a monkey a high five and leave. In and out. How it should be. Locals also know what some of the stranger fruits are and eat them and skip boring bananas. Bananas. Pfft. Locals go grab a handful of guarana and make some pop with it. Some locals want to push some of these delicious little dudes on the locals because they don't know what they're missing out of.

The company just sells guarana pop and the locals think that it's so strange and daring and it's really just good, fruity pop. It's almost like a bubble gum that has been chewed for a couple hours. It's sweet, fruity, and a little special. Feel special. Drink guarana pop and stop being such a tourist.

Pat went to a job interview at the old Fuhrman plant. He has always loved their pop as long as he can remember and when he saw that they were hiring so he decided he would try and get a job there. He put on a decent shirt and tie, clean pants, and some dress shoes that he never wears unless he's going to a wedding, job interview, or funeral.

When he was driving down the long parking lot to get to the main office, he noticed a truck backing up. He thought and assumed it would stop since he was driving in an empty parking lot and there was no reason why not to see him. Just as he thought that was going to be the case, it was too late to brake and the crazy truck driver wasn't stopping. Pat did what he could which involved nothing more than stepping to get to point A before the truck got to point B, otherwise someone was going to get clipped. Foot to the floor, Pat involuntarily yelled, as he knew it was going to be a close one but it was no luck. The truck skimmed the back of his car, scuffing some of the paint which was more than fixable but what wasn't fixable is that the otherwise good interview he was hoping for was going to be ruined now that some dumb trucker hit his car.

He went into the main office, upset, and asked to see the interviewer he had scheduled the interview with. The lady behind the counter said that the interviewer had left for the day and should have called him. Pat checked his phone only to find no messages or anything. The guy stiffed him. The lady saw that he was distraught so she gave him a bottle of root beer. He took it, thanked the lady and headed out the door. He took a sip and for the first time, he thought that the root beer was completely average. It didn't have any extraordinary flavors and it wasn't complex. It was just root beer. It was good, but today he needed something special and next to the crash and getting stood up, he needed something really special.

It wasn't Pat's best day so he went home to just veg out for a while and play video games. He would need them after a garbage day like this.

Franklin loves pancakes. He can't get enough of them. Some people have breakfast for dinner once and awhile as a treat, but Franklin has had pancakes for every meal for the past decade. You see his mother didn't approve of them. You see Franklin's father left her for the waitress who worked at the diner that would go to every week after church. Every week he would order a half-stack and silently flirt. One day he ordered a full-stack and once he polished them all off he announced that he was leaving the family, grabbed the waitress by the hand and disappeared into the summer sun. Franklin's mother never really recovered. To try and save face she blamed it all on the “devil's flapjacks” as she called them. From the time he was 7 until he left home at 18 Franklin never tasted another johnnycake. He would never let his mother know the truth, but as soon as he left home his obsession took hold and he ate battery goodness at every chance. He would drown them in maple syrup and just dig in. Sure he gained a lot of weight, but wasn't it worth it for that forbidden fruit?

Franklin eventually got a job at Tommyknocker soda brewery. He started as janitor, but slowly worked his way up to brewmaster general. It was then and only then that his genius was released on the world. Franklin put together a recipe that was sure to turn the soda world on its ear. He somehow successfully combined the nation's love of root beer with his own love of pancakes. Don't ask me how, I certainly don't know. He keeps his recipe locked tightly in the safe that is his mind. All I know is that the Tommyknocker root beer tastes like a nice vanilla and licorice heavy root beer that has been infused with liquefied pancakes that had drowned in a sea of syrup. It's strange. I'm not a fan of maple syrup myself, so I'm not a huge fan of this, but if you are this will leave you in a sticky sweet heaven.

If you love nutmeg then you will love this soda. I honestly don't taste much pumpkin in it at all, but it has so much awesome nutmeg flavor that I don't care. This is what I imagine a pumpkin pie would taste like if the cap on the nutmeg accidentally fell off when the baker was pouring it in. At that point they already had so much work put into it that they just mixed it all up and hoped for the best. I know a lot of people would hate to eat that pumpkin pie, but I would have at least 3 slices of that delicious mistake.

It's 1920. You are eighteen, just graduated from high school and have your whole life ahead of you. You put on your hat, suit, and nice shoes and head to the market. You get some soap, fresh fruits and vegetables, and some meat for supper. Supper is what they called "dinner" in those days. You've got to check on the status of your car so you head to the mechanic across the street. It's dusty today. Your new dark gray slacks are taking a hit. Mother will be very upset that she's going to have to clean them. It's not your fault. If they would only cover the street with something everyone's pants wouldn't get all muddy. After all, that's how you lost a tire. After that big rain, holes and mud was everywhere and essentially stole the tire right off your car.

The mechanic is sitting down, covered in dust, dirt, oil, and grease. He's drinking something but you can't tell what it is from across the street. You walk up to him and ask how your car is. He tells you that you just needed a new axle and it was done. You looked at his drink and it was one of those new Blackman juices everyone has been talking about. You asked the mechanic where he got it because you were finally going to get one. He said that the market you just came from had them but they were in the back so you probably didn't see them. You paid the man, threw your groceries in you newly fixed car, and headed back towards the market. You finally found the juice after having to ask two different associates where they were. You decided on the pear apple juice since you love both of those fruits. You pay the cashier, head outside, and sit in your car. You open up the bottle and take a sip. "Ahhhhh" you say. It's a fifty-fifty split between your favorite hand fruits. Naturally sweetened by apples, tasting like apples, and tasting like pears all at the same time. Now you know what everyone was talking about. Blackman has done it again. You're going to have to do an extra good job at shining his shoes next time he sees you. He deserves it after this concoction.

You get in your car, tip you hat to the mechanic who fixed your car, and headed to your job as a shoesmith for wingtips and loafers for the rest of the day. If it's not too late, maybe you'll try your luck at some of the other flavors the market's got.

I woke up today with a sore throat. I thought it was just one of those morning sore throats and it would eventually go away. I'm sad to say that it's not, 7 hours later and it still hurts. What does this have to do with this tea? Well I learned the hard way that drinking a sugary drink does not help a sore throat. In fact, I probably made it worse.

I wish I had waited until my throat wasn't hurting to drink this because it's pretty delicious. It has a really strong and juicy peach flavor to it. It's possibly one of the best peach tea's I've ever had. Sadly though, it hurts my throat with every sip. Now I'm trying to retrace my steps to try and figure out how I might have gotten a sore throat. Wish me luck.

Sometimes life gets you down and you don't know what to do to make things right. It is the job of your best friend to recognize these times and do the only thing that could possibly save the day: take you to the dirt mall to see a fortuneteller. There is nothing that the dirt mall fortuneteller cannot see about your future. She will guide you onto the righteous path. When you settle down in her stall she will tell you to relax and to focus. She will have a Eastern European accent, so don't let your mind drift to dark places. Also, don't let it drink to this wonderful drink. I understand that it is easy to focus on Focus, but that's not why you're there. You're there to sort your life out. It is very fruity and refreshing though. It's hard to not slip into a train of thought that is filled with strawberries and just the slightest hint of kiwi. A train of thought that is smooth and light, not too syrupy like many thought trains are. It's like a dinning car fill with vitamins and minerals that are needed when you spend most of your meals in a food court. Sure it doesn't really taste the way strawberries do, but more like the way strawberry scented things smell. It's strange that it is still enjoyable, but it is.

Now what did she just say? Ahh yes that your birthday falls between the first and last of Oct-To-Ber.

This is one of those times that I REALLY wish a company had a working website. The website http://www.way2coolsodas.com is on the side of the bottle but it leads to nothing. I doubt this company is out of business because I found this bottle at a Whole Foods in Santa Fe, NM a few months ago. Since I have no way of contacting anyone from this company, I am going to conduct a fictional interview with their owner.

Who are you?
I'm Lloyd, I live in Santa Fe, NM and I founded Way 2 Cool Sodas.

Why did you name it "Way 2 Cool"
I was sitting in my dorm room one day and I was thinking about how awesome it would be if I made my own soda. I thought to myself that if I actually did it, it would be way too cool. So since I couldn't think of anything more radical than that, it stuck.

Do you realize that "Way 2 Cool" is possible the worst beverage name I have ever seen? Even Kronik is better than that.
No way dude! You just don't get it.

And look at the artwork on the bottle! It looks like someone on an acid trip painted it.
I painted that and I do not admit that I did an eighth of shrooms and smoked a bowl before painting it.

The only way the horrible name and art would be redeemable would be if this root beer was exceptional, but it's not. It's pretty generic tasting root beer. I wouldn't be surprised if you took Safeway brand root beer, poured it into these glass bottles, and called it "micro brewed"
That's like, your opinion man.

There you have it. How this got on the shelves of Whole Foods, I will never know.

I found this on tour and was pretty excited to find it. Caffeine in root beer is a very rare thing. Of the 130+ root beers we have reviewed so far, only three have contained caffeine (Skeleteens Jack Black's Dead Red Root Beer, Barq's, and Bawl's G33K Beer). This bottle I have in my hand brings us to number 4. With all the added energy ingredients in this, I was fearing that it would taste more like a gross energy drink with artificial root beer flavor sprinkled in. To my surprise, it was actually really good! It has a very classic root beer taste, with a medium bite to it. If I had not seen the label, I would have never known this was also an energy drink.

I see that Eric's Famous also makes a cola. Hopefully we'll be able to find that one soon, and hopefully it's as good as this.

You know that feeling you get in your mouth after you just brushed your teeth? Or had a minty gum? It's a pretty awesome feeling. Now imagine that times 10. That's what it's like drinking this tea. It's seriously the mintiest tea/anything I have ever tasted. It feels like I just brushed my teeth for 5 hours straight after just drinking a couple sips of this. I'm not usually a huge fan of unsweetened teas, but this is incredible. It's definitely a sipping tea as far as I'm concerned. I've had to take a minute or two between sips due to the intensity of the mint flavor.

Ma'am, please. Get down here in the bomb shelter before another bomb goes off. Shut the door. We don't want any bad guys or shrapnel coming down here. This is a safe zone. You never thought you'd be in a bomb shelter, did you? Well, here beneath the Jewish school, we've been stocking up. Notice how we have separate shelves for meats and dairy. I'm not even Jewish and I can appreciate the orthodox nature of this organized bomb shelter. Sure, until the smoke clears, we won't be able to eat a cheeseburger or pepperoni pizza, but I can deal with it. We've got plenty of Twinkies and this canned hot chocolate. It's diet because if we lived off nothing but Twinkies, gelt, and non-diet hot cocoa, we wouldn't be able to make it up the stairs because we would have gained so much weight.

We've got like fourteen cases of this hot cocoa and eleven car batteries to run the microwave and space heater. Can I make you a can? Yes? Great. It will be ready in a minute.

Here you are. Piping warm. What do you think? Yeah, I got that, too. It's good at first and then gets really diet tasting. You always know that it's hot cocoa, but it's got a constant sucralose undertone. It's not bad. Sure, we've also got bottled water, but this is in a can, which I feel is chemical bomb proof. You know what? On second though, this might be harder than we thought. Why? Well...how to put this...they stocked the food, have blankets, batteries, water, but they're forgetting one thing. Toilets. There is nowhere to go to the bathroom and there is a concrete floor that is four feet thick so we can't even go in a hole. Looks like that room that you thought was yours is going to have a handful of pee corners. Sorry, ma'am.

Not too long ago Dublin Dr Pepper got the old cease and desist letter from the Dr Pepper Snapple Group. For decades the Dublin Bottling Company followed the original Dr Pepper recipe, except they used cane sugar instead of HFCS. I'm not a huge fan of Dr Pepper, but I have to say I definitely enjoyed the Dublin variety more than the normal version. In the wake of this news fans will now have to resort to other companies knock offs if they still want cane sugar. Real Soda has stepped up to the plate with their Doctor Dublin. It's not quite the same as Dr Pepper, but I think they have improved upon the recipe. From the flavor I can only imagine that they lowered the ingredients that add the cola style flavor to Dr Pepper and increased the ingredients that caused the fruity flavor. It's nothing crazy or shocking. The difference in flavor is subtle, but I like it. If you're a Pepper I suggest keeping your eye out for this.

In a cave four hundred feet below the ocean, there are aliens. You thought they came from outer space. You orbit-dummy. They brought Pitaya, a space fruit, to Earth because their soil couldn't handle it. Their plants grow down due to strange gravity so the aliens planted them in the ceiling of their cave. Problem is, here plants grow up so they planted all these strange fruits that they just assumed weren't growing but, in fact, were growing up and actually breaking through the earth in some places and humans discovered them. These strange fruits were harvested right as "The Great Coconut Water Craze" of 2010 happened so they naturally were mixed in with that. Someone took a sip and said that it needed a little something else and threw in a lemon and called it a day.

The aliens, disguised as insurance brokers went to the company that had "stolen" all their fruit for a profit and decided to see what their hard work had turned into on this planet. They discovered that it wasn't half bad. The dragonfruit was a nice compliment to the coconut water that was typically chalky. The lemon was a strange touch that actually was some of the most sincere lemon flavor. Almost like if you made homemade lemonade with real lemons and put that in there without the sugar because this isn't terribly sweet.

The aliens, upset that they had been plating all their stuff only to be used and modified by dumb humans decided that they would go to Mars because they heard through the television that Mars makes candy bars and everyone knows that aliens love chocolate.

Gnomes enjoy mixing fruits and creams. Reason being they live in a region that encourages growth of all fruit year round. They also work for a large creamery owned and operated by gnomes. Seriously, everyone that works or is affiliated with the creamery is a gnome.

Gnomes are partial to strawberries and they thought that it would be a good idea to mix their finest cream with their regular strawberries. This led to the creation of this pop. Problem is that the gnomes have remarkable taste buds. Think of the way dogs can hear awesomely.

Us average sized people do not have the fine tunings of a gnome and therefore the flavors of this pop is lost on us. Everything is dumbed down and it tastes sweet and then as an aftertaste you get a tiny bit of strawberry.

Gnomes don't quite though so this pop will be made until the creamery closes it's doors for the last time. For the gnome's sake, I don't want that to happen. I just don't want them out of work, you know? These are tough times.

We are gathered here to celebrate the unholy alliance between Elvira Mistress of the Dark and the Crypt Keeper (you know the bony guy from Tales From the Crypt). I for one would like to say it's about time these two teamed up and I am glad that they found love together. Wait, what is that? The Crypt Keeper is just a puppet and not a real thing? Well that just makes this awkward. Elvira can't marry a puppet. That won't fly in this state. That wouldn't even fly in Vermont! So we're all agreed that the wedding is off? Good. I'm sorry to waste everyone's time. Feel free to eat all the food, no reason it should all go to waste just because someone didn't do any research on whether or not her future husband is real or not. That's right Elvira, I'm looking in your direction. For shame!
Okay everyone; don't forget your wedding favors. Since this wasn't a traditional wedding, we decided to do things a bit different and had some soda made up. We came up with it fairly last minute and the brewery needed a label quick, so we just called it "Elvira-Crypt Keeper Cola." The printer messed up, as they always seem to do and it ended up saying "Elvira's Crypt Keeper Cola." I guess that makes more sense now anyways. So yeah, grab your bottle and enjoy. It's a smooth cola. We expected it to be fairly dark with some bite, but nope. As I said it's fairly smooth and simple. It actually reminds me of the cane sugar version of RC Cola. Now there's a great cola and anything that reminds me of it is something I can get behind.
Don't worry Elvira. I forgive you. This ended up being a pretty fun party. You sure know how to liven up the room. Next time just do a bit of research before you pick a potential husband.

A punch in the face: that's what I'm going to give you. You hit my brand new, 2001 Hyundai Accent and now I've got to get insurance involved...man. I just got out of the dealership. I know it's 2012, but it's new to me. Sure it's got 104,000 but that's just broken in. It's Korean and they make a quality product. So, to reiterate, I am going to make you black and blue.

No, you don't understand. I paid $800 for this car and sure it was a smoker's car and sure the transmission was a little wonky and sure it had a "Hatchet Man" vinyl graphic on the back hatch, but it was in great shape and the lady who sold it to me was so nice.

I'm sorry. Who did you say you were? You work for Sobe? Oh, your green tea is pretty sweet but a guilty pleasure of mine. Oh, that's right. You do make Lifewater. I've had some good ones of those. Black and Blue? No, I'm going to make you black and blue. Oh, you're going to give me a case of black and blue so that I don't punch your lights out. Alright, that's a fair trade. All this talking calmed me down anyway. Let's give it a go.

Well that's interesting. It's like blueberry when you sip it and when you swallow it tastes like a blackberry. That is real science there, Sobe man. There is a slight artificial sweetener taste, but it's just additional sweetness, not gross.

You know, this crash might have been the best thing that ever happened to me. Well, I do have a pretty great kid and wife, and I've accomplished a great deal. This was going to be a field car anyhow so I guess I didn't need it. Well, don't worry about anything. We'll let our insurance take care of it. Have a nice day, Sobe man. Next time, remember to stop at stop signs.