United States - 4098 Reviews

There's nothing better than a hot coffee and a nice, juicy steak, huh, Bob? This is how I begin and close out every day. A nice porterhouse and a rich, tall glass of coffee. No, Bob. I mean it. Every day. It's how I stay a healthy, vibrant three-hundred pounds. It's more for the ladies to love, if you know what I mean. You don't know what I mean? Well, Bob, when a man and a woman...oh...oh...you do get it. Alright.

What do you have there? Oh, a Starbucks drink. How cute. Wait, what's in it. Protein and coffee. Hmm. You might be on to something. Can I have that can? I'll gladly pay you for it. Thanks.

This isn't too bad. It's got a smooth coffee taste that's a little like the original Frappuccino. You can get a little of the sweet and bitterness from the erythritol but that's really nominal. You don't really get protein, which is nice because sometimes protein drinks can be really gritty.

You might be on to something, Bob. Bob, I spend a hundred dollars a day on fine coffee and sixteen ounce steaks. I can now spend $5. You just saved me almost $35,000 a year. You know what; you just earned yourself a sixty-five cent raise. Congratulations. Enjoy your raise.

As I sit here and drink this I find myself thinking “Well this is underwhelming.” The thing is, I am wrong, dead wrong. You see I forget that most humans don't have two growlers in their fridge at all times that are used to hold unsweetened iced tea that they make. I like fruity teas and passionfruit may be the fruitiest of all fruits, so this tastes a lot like tea I have made and drank in mass quantities. This is actually a wonderful tea, but since it's in my normal wheelhouse it seems almost boring to me. To anyone else this would more than likely be great. Well, unless they don't like unsweetened tea. If that's the case, what are they doing drinking this, when they know they won't like it? This is green tea with a nice hint of passionfruit in it. The tea runs the game while the fruit is just there for backup. It's simple, it's perfect, and now that my can is empty I find myself wanting about 5 more of them. So much for underwhelming.

Well, this is certainly beet juice. It is a frightening shade of red. Like blood red. There is citric acid in there which I'm assuming just keeps it from spoiling. There is also B12. That's it. Simplistic. This tastes like a one-dimensional V8. It's vegetables, man. It could be better with a pinch of salt but that would not be healthy anymore. It's not bad. It just feels a bit boring. "Healthy for healthy sake." This is probably wildly amazing for you and I might feel like a million dollars. I also feared for my life that some of it would touch my clothes as I drank it and opened it and looked at it because if it touched anything, trust me, it would be embedded for life like that time you accidentally walked in on your dad naked and you can't get his dangles out of your mind.

I just hope my poop looks awesome later.

Happy birthday to me. Well, actually since I'm over 21 and this is not a decade birthday for me it really is meaningless, but let's pretend it does for the sake of this review. You see this beverage is my birthday cake. I didn't have a real one, because you're 36th birthday doesn't mean a goddamn thing, so I'll substitute a carrot cake smoothie in for a physical solid cake.

This is more intense than any real cake that would be served to me anyway. This beverage is basically what would happen if you made a vegan carrot cake, and took out all of the gluten elements of it. What you have left is a very thick concoction of carrots, banana (luckily it was invisible in the flavor), cinnamon, ginger and almond milk. It tastes exactly like carrot cake with double the amount of normal spices. The ginger and cinnamon in here are really intense. I'm not kidding it's to an extent that it's a challenge to drink the whole bottle, but it's the kind of challenge that I like…€¦okay I'm about 2/3 through the bottle and it's getting hard to keep going with drinking this. It tastes exactly like it should, but man those spices are intense. This smoothie certainly isn't for everyone, but if you love this specific type of spice and carrot cake is a passion of yours, by all means dive right in. I'm sitting here powering on, just regretting that I didn't put a candle on this thing and blow it out like a dumb idiot.

Have you ever wondered what good health tastes like? Well ponder no more because REBBL has bottled the feeling and taste in this near perfect beverage. I dare anyone to take a sip of this and not feel instantly rejuvenated. Have you had a crappy day and now you just feel completely worn out and like cold diarrhea on a paper plate? Take a drink and welcome yourself back to the functioning world. Who needs cocaine to keep the party going when you have this? Well it might not be a party, but at least you'll feel great.

It's actually a rather simple beverage. It's green tea with a little bit of orange and lemon in the mix. On top of that there is some vanilla, ginseng, ginger, cinnamon, and anise. That's a whole mess of awesome things mixed together to make something greater than its parts. It's sweetened with stevia, but the flavor of that is completely lost amongst the other ingredients. I know what you're asking, “Thirsty Dudes all you seem to care about is ginger; how is it in this magical bottle?” Well I'll tell you, it's pretty subtle. It's there is flavor, but not in burn factor. Normally I would find that disappointing, but in here it would just take away from the rest of the greatness.

In summary this is a nice little citrus green tea with a kick. A kick that will boot you right in the butt and make you feel a little better about being alive.

Straight-edge goth kids everywhere are salivating like Pavlov's dogs at the thought of this soda. I don't know what it is that is so alluring about absinthe to that subculture, something about it is just dark and mysterious. Actually maybe it's just because most of those involved really like to get messed up. Perhaps Poppy Z Brite is completely to blame. Whatever the reason absinthe has a place in the culture and it's something a lot of people have felt left out of. Oh what they wouldn't give to have a nice non-alcoholic/hallucinogenic version of the beverage while they are out at the club dancing to their favorite Christian Death or Asylum Party song. Oh wait, I've just received word that I am actually only one of three people on the planet involved in the goth scene that does not drink. Hmmm, I live an isolated life. Scratch that the isolation is lessened because I can now drink this soda and feel involved with everyone else staring at themselves in the mirrors while they dance.

Okay why did no one ever tell me that absinthe tasted like anise? I would have lost most of my interest in this beverage long ago had I known that. I mean I guess it makes sense, if you're beverage is going to be embraced by the goths, it might as well taste like one of the only black foods. Those dumb kids who hate black jelly beans/licorice are totally spot on, it's so gross. The thing is that this isn't as horrible as my hatred for anise is. I think my problem is more with it as a solid, where it can get stuck in my teeth and never go away for long periods of time. With this soda, you take a sip, it's there and it quickly fades. I kind of get the interest, it's not completely horrible, but I certainly could never finish a whole bottle. Looks like I'll be sticking with awkwardly drinking water out at club nights.

Oh, so you've invited me over to this family function that you have disguised as a barbeque and you had the audacity to have neither grape or orange soda to accompany the tower of hot dogs that I fear is going to topple over and smother the children playing in the sandbox. I am completely disgusted with your lack of etiquette. Serving homemade salsa and guacamole does not make up for it. Yes, I have seen the fresh squeezed juice station. Yes, I've heard that you have hired a French chef to prepare individual desserts specifically made with the tastes of each guest in mind. You know what, none of that matters if I do not have the proper soda to accompany my grilled items.

Why yes, I will happily take a soda from your private stash that you have been saving for a rainy day. Why didn't you say something about these sodas you've been looking forward to enjoying when you can finally relax? This is actually a pretty okay grape soda. It tastes like the generic stuff at every barbeque but something about it is different and it makes it stand out. Oh there's cane sugar in it? That makes sense. Martha sure does love that Mexi-Coke. It's certainly not the best grape soda I've ever had, but it's better than most. Actually it kind of tastes a little like grape jelly. You should totally have saved this and drank it with a nice peanut butter sandwich, instead of giving it to me you're dumb neighbor who is rude and everyone hates, and you only invited in because I was complaining about the noise. You certainly chose wrong in this aspect of your life.

Timmy Junior was just like his dad in most ways. They both liked baseball. They both liked cars. They both liked pinball. One thing they disagreed on was yerba mate. Timmy Senior loved it. He loved the bitterness and earthiness. Junior did not. It was too hard for him to get behind. It was such an "adult" drink because it was such a strong flavor. He just couldn't get behind it. Senior drank it constantly instead of coffee. Junior had to just drink coffee because he needed the caffeine but unfortunately couldn't handle all that yerba mate had to offer until one day.

One sunny, summer day, Senior brought him a can of Mate Bros Yerba Mate and told him they might be able to shake hands on this. Sugar was the second ingredient and cut into the bitterness enough that he loved it. It still had some of the earthiness of an original yerba mate but the bitterness was wildly diminished. It was like a sweet tea with yerba mate instead of black tea. Finally they would be able to cheers at family functions, split drinks and talk about their collective love for yerba mate.

I'm glad they invented smaller cups. Who would have thought? I mean, I feel like we were here and, like cell phones, they got bigger and bigger. I've got a fifty-two ounce cup on my desk right now. Ten ounces of this Frappuccino is all I need. Also, "need" is not at all the word that should have been used. I do not "need" this at all in my life. This isn't curing cancer. This is not giving people jobs. Sure, people work at Starbucks but this s'more Frappuccino is not keeping them afloat. Sure I paid over four dollars which I find appalling but nonetheless, I bought it and we're here.

How was it? Just as good as you would have hoped. It was sweet but not too much. There was a lot of cream on top which fluffed it up a bit. Chocolate crammed to the bottom and mystery in the middle. I honestly have no idea what makes up a Frappuccino because this one didn't taste like coffee one iota. It tasted like liquified Honey Grahams dipped in Hershey syrup. If that doesn't sound good to you, you are either on a diet or you hate fun. If you hate fun, I don't know what you're doing reading these reviews because they're nothing but fun. That was sarcasm. Time spent reading this review would be better spent watching paint dry. Go paint a fence, Huck Finn. If you want to watch paint dry, cut the bottom quarter of your pants off, use "the N" word, and sail downstream on a boat made of tree trunks. Did he use "the N" word? I don't know if I've ever read Huck Finn. I'm really dumb.

I love it; a light, bitter green tea and a nice fruity taste throughout. There is nothing more to say but I wish I had more. I wish this came in a forty ounce bottle right next to the St. Ides. I want to drink this all day. I would like to dedicate an entire day to drinking this. There is a natural sweetness from the dragonfruit and the green tea is on point. Five. This gets a hard five. If we had half bottles, it would still get a hard five.

Overly indulgent. Two words. Done? Please. You know me better than that. What made it overly indulgent? Well it could have been the generous amount of whipped cream. It could have been the generous amount of chocolate syrup. I just wanted an iced mocha coffee. I could have said, "no" when she asked. It's the drink, though. It's the complete package. I have to review them as-is. I did deny cream and sugar because I'm not a masochist.

For coffee lovers, this is closer to coffee than, say, an iced coffee from Dunkin' Donuts. That's closer to chocolate milk than this. This is easily sixty or seventy percent coffee. Dunkin' is closer to thirty percent.

I still managed to drink two-thirds of this. I've got a mild case of "da shakes" but I'm fine. I had a big salad. You can just call me Elaine Benes.

Because I am a (self-proclaimed) scientist and I need to know how things work, I watched a video on juicing cranberries. I had thought there would be some process to this, but really people just dump the whole cranberry into a juicer. The important thing that I learned from watching this video is that very little juice comes from these little guys. In fact, it took over ½ pound of cranberries and oranges to create the juice that is in this 12oz bottle and it still has water added to it. That equals a lot of storage space for produce for a company making more than small batches of juice. I also imagine that they have some insanely large industrial juicer that could rip the water out of just about anything. You could juice a pine tree with the juicer I have envisioned in my mind. Pine juice anyone?

After all of that nonsense, this is a simple, delicious juice. It's just cranberries, oranges, sugar and water. Now the bottle says that it's naturally sweetened, so I had assumed that the sweetness of the fruit is what provided this. The ingredient list tells a different story of added sugar, which was a little bit of a disappointment until I thought about how tart this would be without it, as there is not much sugar in cranberries. It ends up only have in 18g of sugar anyway and it's not overly sweet at all. It tastes like fresh squeezed orange juice with a splash of cranberry in it. It's a perfect juice to accompany your breakfast.

Everyone is familiar with how the Wizard of Oz grants the travelers wishes at the end of the book/film. You know courage, heart, brain, and to go home. What never got discussed was what Toto wanted. If a lion, a sack of straw and a pile of metal get wishes, why wouldn't a pooch get one? At least he has a functioning respiratory system, that's more than you can say about some of the other guys. What do I know though? Perhaps off camera the Wizard gave him some Milkbones and it just didn't make for good entertainment. On the other hand maybe the dog had different designs. There is a chance that he wanted to stay in Oz because it was more exciting than a dumb farm in the dustbowl. Perhaps his wish was for that guy to hang himself in the background of a shot of the film. That is one dark dog. There is also a chance that El Barko wanted some cherry cola. Oddly that is the least likely of all of these scenarios, but if that's what he wanted and this bottle is what he was granted, he came out a winner in my book. This is neither the best cola nor the best cherry beverage I have ever drank, but together they work together very well. The cherry is actually stronger than the cola, which is something I don't know if I've come across before, but it works. It makes the whole thing taste bold and something of its own. The use of real cane sugar also helps to win me over. The whole thing just blends together in a way that is pleasant to my taste buds.

I doubt Toto really wanted cherry cola, or really wanted much at all, but I don't see what else The Wizard of Oz has to do with this soda. The label image is from an old children's record, so maybe it's just a play on nostalgia. Who knows? Who cares? It tastes great.

This stinks. This is disappointing and it stinks. I wanted this to be a bitter green tea, maybe a mildly sweetened but gnarly green tea. I could not be more wrong. This tastes like green tea flavored plastic. That's not what you came here for. You came here for details. Alright, you've got it.

Right off the bat, it smells bad. It smells like it tastes and it smells like burnt plastic. Initial taste is bitter but a vitamin bitter. Not a green tea bitter. What sweetener do they use in here that toxifying this thing? Oh would you look at that; sucralose, the bastard of all sweeteners.

Also, since we all know my opinions on this thing, let's talk about "natural energy." The energy in this might be real but the rest of it tastes like a chemical mess.

Oh, and also the "cross out" above "Gluten Free" makes it seem like it's not gluten free.

All my life I've hated blah blah blah. It wasn't until recently that I discovered that I have grown to like yadda yadda yadda. Sometimes our reviews sound like broken records, or to be more modern about it, like iPods on repeat. The thing is that after 4000+ reviews a lot of the beverages out there start to taste the same. This is especially true with a lot of juices and as I've recently discovered seltzer waters.

Sparkling waters may be flavored, but that flavoring is never in your face, and the base of them is all the same; carbonated water. Sanavi boasts that they are organic and I really didn't think it would make that much of a difference. I of course was wrong, like I usually am. While most other seltzer companies have a general generic fruit taste, this bottle of bubbly water tastes as if the blueberries had soaked in it for a long time. It tastes like real fruit, and there is nothing to complain about there. It's light, (accurately) fruity, and has zero calories, fat, sodium and sugar. It may not be promoting health, but it certainly is not detracting from it either.

As far as wild cherry pop goes, this is pretty high on the list. As far as wild cherry pop goes, I never drink the stuff. This is very sweet and very fruity. It's the liquid equivalent of a wild cherry Jolly Rancher. It's good but it's eight times too much for sane human consumption.

The photo on the cover however...that really portrays a bloody nose. That photo shoot was one for the record book, I'm sure. They're probably using blood capsules or something but whatever they did even made me think for a split second that it was what I was drinking. I'm smarter than that but for some reason the photo and the gratuitous amount of blood pouring out of the person's nose made me think that's what it was.

Great job, Gross Gus. You've done it again.

Sometimes you come across a beverage that sounds delicious, but you know it's not the proper time to drink it. So you store it away in your fridge until you feel the time is right. When you know the time has finally come, perhaps you want to have some buttered apple toast before you start into the drink. If that time ever comes in your life, take extra care when taking the butter out of the fridge, or you may just knock the bottle of the beverage you've been waiting for and it will explode all over the floor. If you are lucky then the drink you had been so patient about will be a bottle of Califa Farms Mocha Mexica Cold Brew Coffee. The reason you would be lucky is that even though you will have quite the mess on your hands your kitchen will be filled with the wonderful aroma of coffee, chocolate and cinnamon.

My annoyance level was through the roof when this spilled everywhere, but I was able to save about 1/3 of the bottle, and that little bit that I was able to drink made the entire ordeal worth it (well maybe not). It's no secret that I am not a big coffee fan, but when you do it Mexican style with chocolate, cinnamon and chili in it; it's an entirely different story. This is a drink and a half. It's more like chocolate almond milk with coffee and spices added than a coffee drink, but that's probably why I like it so much. It's very smooth with just the right amount of heat from the spices. I've had good Mexican chocolate and I've had bad Mexican chocolate and this, if it were in bar form would be the best of them all.

Now that I've enjoyed what little beverage did not end up on my kitchen floor, I should go clean again to make sure I got it all. No one wants ants.

Greg liked tea but he needed something more. He needed that sugar on his tongue. He needed some fizz but didn't like the syrupy soda pop taste. One day when walking through the city he found what he thought to be the perfect drink. It was a sweetened, carbonated tea. Not only was it tea but it was oolong tea so it was fancier to him. He promptly paid for it and went to the park to watch the dogs chase the birds.

He took one sip and instead of being thrilled and elated, he kind of sat silently on the bench. He had been let down again. This tea was carbonated and sweetened but it was just too much. It was so sweet that it took most of the tea flavor away. The entire time he drank it, he just wanted an unsweetened tea like he was used to more and more. It had a tea aftertaste but just tasted like a strangely carbonated cola. Almost like a less bubblegum champagne cola.

He dumped half of the bottle down the drain pet some dog's heads on the way out of the park and went home to his nagging girlfriend and cruddy cat. It was not Greg's finest day.

What we have here is soda for royalty. Do you really think that they would let a common peasant drink something with such a crest on it? One needs to be a blueblood for sure in imbibe such a treat, and what a treat it is. If you've ever spent a long day at the jousting arena, just to be let down by the low quantity of vanilla flavor in the soda you purchased to clear the dust out of your head holes, then may I suggest trying this? Well, if you have the proper lineage that is. This soda is very, very heavy on the vanilla, but remains ridiculously creamy and smooth. This isn't your blacksmith's cream soda. If you see him drinking it make sure to alert one of the guards walking around so that he can be properly beheaded in the public square.

To get access to dragon drool, one has to read up on many resources. You have to learn how to tell long stories that don't go anywhere about delicious food that are equal parts delicious as they are boring. You learn this skill and then you try it whenever you feel the time is right.

You first have to go to the top of Gumdrop Mountain. That's where the dragons live. It seems strange, I know, but dragons love novelty sized gumdrops. If you didn't know this, you should read a book about dragons, you idiot. Travel to the top of the mountain and start telling your story telling the story that you've practiced so many times before. As soon as you see the dragon, they should already be partially groggy. Keep going because for the minute you think he's sleeping, he'll wake up and burn you to a nice golden brown and then eat you like the delectable treat you are.

If you manage to get him to sleep, you've done the first part of your job. The second is to get the stones to go right up to the dragon and put a little jar under its mouth and catch the drool. You've only got about ten minutes before he wakes up. Oh, you didn't know that dragons only took cat naps? Yep. Pesky devils, aren't they? After nine minutes, grab that jar and run down the hill. When the dragon wakes up, he's going to be hella hungry.

Now for the fun part: drinking the drool. Just take a sip. It smells stronger than it is and tastes just like licorice. You think that it will taste just like jelly beans but it's weaker than that. It doesn't linger like jelly beans because it doesn't stick in your teeth like they do. It's not too sweet but it's surprisingly sweet for being a dragon's tears.

Now that you've mastered the art of coaxing dragon tears, you can do anything. You can ride a bike. You can braid your hair. You can eat artichokes. You are the master of your domain.