United States - 4098 Reviews

If you ask any of us what the hardest thing to review is, we would pretty quickly and without question say "apple juice." I've had good apple juice and bad apple juice but it's all within a fraction of a point. We aim to drink it all but nonetheless; it doesn't make judging it any easier or harder.

I'm no apple connoisseur by any means but I've drunk like twenty different apple juices and they all taste very close to each other. Look, they're all great but, and I'm generalizing here, they're all just apple juice. I'm sorry to those that have really put a lot of effort into creating an organic apple juice but your apple juice is just as good as the guy that is filling his to the brim with good old fashioned arsenic and pig feet.

This tastes like apples. Congratulations. What more do you want from me?

I've spent the past few weeks trouncing around the Amazon collecting green tea. Sure, I could buy it in a store, or even grow it myself in some sort of green house, but if you ask me it never tastes quite right unless it's procured directly from the source. The thing is that well…€¦I'm sort of lost. Well, let me rephrase that, I was lost, but then I found the river and I have been following it back to the village I will be flying out of. Yancy, my top hat wearing llama, seems to be in good spirits and appears to have no qualms with carrying all the tea I've picked. I know from landmarks that we have about a days walk back to the village, so this whole fiasco hasn't been too big of a deal. My only real problem is that I am running low on the coconut water I brought with me for hydration. Sure, I have plenty of water, but I've become accustomed to the refreshment I can only achieve from the essence of the coconut.

I've come up with a solution. I am going to ration the coconut water I have and cut it with some green tea. It might not be the same, but at least I'll get a little quenching without being tempted to just down the rest of my rations. I am weak willed like that. Okay I have the mixture in two bottles now. One I shall drink post haste and the other I will save for the morning. Oh wow, this is ridiculously good. I feel like I'm still getting that special hydration from the coconut, but it mostly has the flavor of the green tea. I mean you can still taste the coconut water in there, but it's the tea that really shines. I really did put in just enough sugar. It was kind of a lot, but it really works well. I really can't believe how well this worked! I'm going to do this all the time now, it just means I have less coconut water to bring on my excursions, and that will make Yancy quite pleased. You know what? Screw tomorrow, I'm going to drink the other bottle now, and plod through the night.

I know that grinning is supposed to be a good thing. It's supposed to mean that you're happy, but there always seem something menacing behind it to me. I think that it's the bearing of the teeth that puts me on edge. It's like a more aggressive smirk, as if the person doing the grinning is going to just leap out at you and rip our your jugular with those teeth they are so keen on showing off. I don't know about you, but I don't want that happening to me. I like my jugular just fine in its current placement.

Now Grins Naturally Flavored Water on the other hand is definitely a good thing. It's got a bunch of vitamins in it and not too much sugar. Most importantly though is that unlike a lot of beverages in this wheelhouse it has the consistency and feel of actual water (well at least remotely). A lot of these companies call their drinks flavored water, but there is so much sugar and other junk in them that I would never in a million years associate them with H2O. While Grins does have sugar and a handful of other ingredients in it, it's way lighter than it's contemporaries, and that is something I can get behind. I'm so sick of the obscene amounts of sugar in drinks these days. I just want nice light drinks, and this works for me.

This flavor is citrus and it's heavy on the lemon lime side of that grouping, but there are some other fruits at work in there as well. Overall it's light, and it's smooth in a way that you can drink the whole bottle without really realizing it, at which point you look at it, and wish that it was larger. It is good that it isn't though , because let's face it as a nation we really need to learn portion control.

Normally I don't really like reviewing mix drinks, because I feel like I'm going to do something wrong and it won't taste the same as if it came out of a bottle or can. I usually leave them to Mike and Derek to review. When Gamma Labs sent us these samples, they send along a little mixer container to make sure you use the proper amount of water and whatnot, so I thought I'd give it a try. First thing I have to say is that it has one hell of a lemon lime flavor. It's so strong that I had to double check to make sure that I had in fact added enough water. It's strong, but it's a good lemon lime. It burns a little to drink it, but not as much as say a melted freezie pop would burn. I kept waiting for the gross diet flavor of sucralose to come through, but it never quite surfaces. It just hides underneath the waves of lemon and lime, until all of the flavor just mellows out in the aftertaste.

Overall I have to say that this is way better than I expected. The flavor is much stronger than most powder drinks, and it gets away without tasting overly diet, or like an energy drink. I have a very long night ahead of me, so here's to hoping this actually works.

Remember when you asked for that drink that was made from oats that has a real 80's Prince vibe? Well also remember when I said that they'd never make it? Well I was wrong. They made it and they made it well. Sure, the entire song I was singing, both aloud and in my head is the titular track of the drink. That made it go down smoother but without it wouldn't have penalized too much.

This was good. I was leery because, well...oats. It's really hard for me to spell "oats" without putting an "e" in there in an homage to my favorite moustached man from a similar time period. Oh, if this drink were called "Sneaky Pete's Raspberry Beret Oatestanding Beverage" it would probably make me comatose with excitement.

Back to the drink and out of my dreams. It tasted like raspberry had a little bit of a thickness to it but not offensive, just thicker than, say, a water. Even though it was sweetened with Erythritol, you don't really get that. I thought it was cane sugar until I looked, actually.

Raspberry Maneater. I'm leaving you with that. Erotic One On One. Bonus.

Did you know that in the original draft for Heart of Darkness the tale that Joseph Conrad told was very different? For one thing it took place in Ecuador and not Africa and secondly it had nothing to do with the ivory trade. Mr. Conrad was actually writing about his favorite tea, guayusa. Sure the general themes of savagery vs. civilization and racism were there, but the heart of the heart of darkness was tea. Ultimately it was decided that the subject of tea wasn't gripping enough the world over (the English loved it), and it was swapped out for ivory and you have the story we all know.

I for one don't give a rip about ivory. I mean sure I don't want to think of the death of elephants so that man can have nice piano keys. I do on the other hand love me some tea, and guayusa is absolutely wonderful. It's earthy with natural caffeine much like yerba mate. Runa makes it right. It's lightly sweetened with only 14g of sugar in a 14oz bottle. I would enjoy it unsweetened as well, but it's nice to have an option for a sweetened tea that doesn't taste like someone accidentally dropped the whole bag of sugar in it.

Now you know the secret behind a literary classic. Do you feel dirty, or are you just thirsty?

'Tis a rainy day in the "City of Good Neighbors." All neighbors in this fine city are opening their doors and letting the tired and wet in their living rooms. Homes across the city are filled with the memories of wet strangers and not-so-coincidentally, stories of why said wet strangers were allowed to come into their homes.

Although it was raining regular rain, in one section of the world it rains grape rain. Yes it is sticky and yes it smells good but even something that smells good can get old very fast. The stickiness gets old as soon as you get the first drop on you. Stickiness always sucks. Anyhow in the section where it always rains, a company called "Grins" did what they always do when it rains; they lay out square miles of open bottles and fill up all the bottled and then one at a time, screw the tops on and fill up a truck.

When the bottles come in they are washed off and then off to the markets. Even in the wettest of weathers, we in West Coast, NY will still drink water. Flavored, sparkling, or still. This is great because it's light, has a nice candy grape taste, and isn't too sweet. It really goes down smooth and it's in a small bottle so you don't get carried away and drink a gallon of it, which I don't doubt I could drink.

Stay wet Buffalo. Internally and externally. It will help you grow.

You know I'm feening for some blue ice. I've got to go to the gym and daddy needs a little extra juice. I'm working on my deltoids or "delts" as I like to call them, and can't do it without a little extra "help" if you know what I mean. You know...the blue stuff? Yeah, it tastes like really sweet blue raspberry Kool Ade but there is stuff in there, man. Whatever is in there gets me going and allows me to pump more iron than I could if I was going in on just regular energy.

Diet? No, man. I carboload. I eat three plates of spaghetti a day. Fat? No, man. This is all muscle. Four hundred and twenty three pounds of muscle. Oh, you are asking if it tastes diet. No. Not really. It's surprising because of the sucralose but no, it's not really diet tasting.

I'm a self described gym rat and they know me. They know me coming in, pounding protein shakes, and eating spaghetti out of a Tupperware container to keep my delicate shape in check. I'm sorry. I have to cut this interview short. I've got some ten pound free weights in my sights that I am going to lift to a light burn and then have some ravioli that I have stashed behind the spinning bikes.

It just so happens that in this world not everyone is perfect. Sometimes you have a vision, but the way you execute it falls short. As you can read below, that was the case with Sneakz. They had the great idea of creating a beverage for kids that contained a whole mess of vegetables that they need in their diet, but wouldn't eat. People said that kids would never drink that, and that is when Sneakz said, “They will if we disguise it with chocolate!” So they did, but the flavor of the vegetables crept through and no one was happy.

Cut to a couple of years and a second chance later and Sneakz has sent us their reformulated shakes. I very distinctly remembered my last visit with “Bandit” and was not looking forward to it. The reason for that is that I am dumb and forgot that things can change. This is so much better than the old version. The chocolate flavor holds out and completely disguises the veggies. This is like dumping cheese on broccoli and brussel sprouts, except it is delicious and not as horrible for you. Seriously all I can taste is chocolate milk. They have cracked the code and they are exactly where they want to be (well except maybe with more sugar).


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OLD REVIEW
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Oh Bandit, you rascally fox. You are always trying to deceive kids by sneaking vegetables into places they don't belong. Those dumb kids. They will never suspect that there are vegetables inside their chocolate milk. That is, unless they are dumber than you think because it is quite apparent that something wrong is going on inside this juice box. Bandit, you have lost your touch with this one. You might be saving kids elsewhere in things like food but with this drink it is as if you are robbing a bank with no gun, mask, or charisma.

This drink for a split second tastes like a chocolate milk. One split second is all you get. Quickly your temporarily pleased palate is washed over clearly by some sort of tomfoolery. I cannot pinpoint it but it's between vegetable lies and protein drinky. Both of the latter being enemies of children.

Bandit, I don't want you to get in trouble with your boss Sneakz but I've got to fill out "sucks" on the comment card they gave me for you ability to deceive children with hiding goods inside of the bads. Better luck next time little fox. Now come over here and let me pet your little head. I've always wanted to pet a fox.

I have one simple request for the humans who populate this planet: Can we please just give up on bananas? Leave them to the chimps. We evolved from them; so let's get away from their favorite food as well. I know people are going to think it's a phallic thing, or that I have a problem with the texture, but those people are wrong. I'll eat cucumbers like a hand fruit all day long, and I have no problem with mushy foods. The way I incompetently make oatmeal makes it about the same consistency as them. The sad truth that people just need to accept is that bananas just taste disgusting. I don't get even a millisecond of enjoyment out of them. They even smell gross, like they are always in a state of decomposition. I know the potassium they provide is essential, but let's be honest science has progressed enough that we can get that vitamin in pill form without the grozz taste.

Mix 1 has joined the bastard fruit with a delicious one as is common in our culture. Strawberries are delicious, so of course people will use them to try and disguise the grossness of the banana, it's just too bad it never works and the precious strawberries are just wasted. This drink really has two strikes against it before I even tried it. Number one: it's a protein drink, which generally don't fare to well for the palate. I've already spent too much time on issue number two.

Upon trying this it was confirmed that I am not a fan. There is a decent strawberry flavor, and it has a nice sweetness. If it were just that then I think this would have been a pretty good protein shake, but that banana, that damn banana ruins it all. If you are a savage who has no taste buds and eat this green to yellow to brown fruit you just might enjoy this. Me, I'll be avoiding it.

I finally decided to start reading the Walking Dead comics. I've watched the television show, and have enjoyed it for what it is, but I really enjoy the comics. I'm about halfway through the run so far, and without giving away too many spoilers they have a garden. It's garden season in real life as well, and tons of my friends are all excited about it. There is a certain greatness to growing your own food, and when the apocalypse is upon us I'm sure I'll be doing some myself, but at this moment of readily stocked grocery stores, I don't have the patience to keep up with a garden. We had a semi decent garden at our house last year (that I planted, but others took care of) and one thing I noticed was that the vegetables it produced didn't have all that long of a shelf life when not refrigerated. Now the folks in the comic have a gigantic garden to provide most of their sustenance, but what happens at the end of the season? They are going to be stuck with a whole mess of food that is going to rot away as there is only so much food that you can consume. What a bummer. Note to self: winter during the apocalypse is probably the worst thing ever. It's freezing, it's boring and there is no fresh food. I bet 95% of post apocalypse deaths occur during the winter; natural and suicide related.

So here I am drinking this juice thinking about food wasting away at the end of the world. I'm having a real upbeat day. I did figure that juicing some of your leftover vegetables would probably be a good option. It would still go bad, but probably not as fast, and for those who want to forget the woes of Armageddon it would probably turn alcoholic.

When that time comes for me I shall use this bottle of Bolthouse Farms as a beginning blueprint for how to make my juice. Actually I will use it more for reference on what not to add to it. Number one on the “no fly” list would be celery. Sure it has a couple of benefits, but I don't think they will be necessary in the environment I'll be in and the flavor of this particular vegetable is just too overpowering. There is only 1/3 of a cup of celery in this bottle and it's all I can smell/a good deal of what I can taste. Secondly I wouldn't add much fruit to it. I would leave the fruit for it's own juice, leave it out of my vegetables. Sugary vegetables are not for me, especially the green variety; I want to be able to taste their leafiness.

So what Bolthouse has is a juice that is a bit too sweet for a vegetable juice and a little heavy on the celery side. Remove those problems and what you would have is the base of this, which is a delicious leafy mixture of kale, spinach, romaine and cucumber with a hint of lemon to add a little something-something. It has a bunch of vitamins in it and it's pretty healthy for you. That celery though, man that just kind of ruins it all for me. Now back to reading about people, because that is what the Walking Dead really boils down to: a story about how people interact that just happens to be in a zombie ridden world.

Detroit is one hell of a town, and by that I mean it's kind of hell. It's a burnt out city (not unlike Buffalo), but it doesn't have the nature side to it that my hometown does. It's just endless neighborhoods that look like they should appear at the end of some apocalypse movie. I'm not one to generally feel unsafe in my surroundings, but I'm always looking for an escape route in any given situation in that city. On top of that it has the most torn up highway that I have ever experienced, but I guess that's most of Michigan and not just Detroit-centric.

A shining light through the dreariness that is the Motor City is that it is the home to Faygo. Now I know this company gets a lot of bad press outside of Michigan, because of the culture that has co-opted it, but let me tell you there are certainly some gems in their lineup ad Faygo Gold is one of them.

The company has a long running ginger ale in their repertoire, and it is not that bad. It's a general ginger ale like you would find in any generic brand. This though, this is something different. They don't even call it ginger ale. Instead it is “bubbly sweet ginger soda,” and I can think of no better description. It's not exactly a ginger ale, it has more of an actually ginger taste to it. It's also not a ginger beer because it's not intense. It has a subtle burn that it greatly appreciated, but it also has a very specific sweetness, that just does it for me. This is way sweeter than I normally like my soda, but something about the little bit of burn and the amount of sugar works perfectly. Faygo has done well in giving hope to the citizens of Detroit. Now we just need Robocop to clean up the city so civilization can begin anew.

In honor of the name of this company I am going to make my ladyfriend drag out her old cheerleading outfit to celebrate. No you fools, she will not be donning the clothes. It will be this full-grown bearded man. I'll even get a wig with pigtails if it pleases the folks at Pom. You see, this juice is that good. I derived so much pleasure from drinking this that I will put on an ill fitting skirt and tank top type thing, grab some pom-poms and do a little chant dance to announce that it's glory has arrived on the beverage scene.

Pom is no stranger to having mango in their juice. A couple of years ago I reviewed their pomegranate mango. While that was a nice treat, they have done nothing but improve the recipe for this newer version. The old flavor was more pomegranate than mango and it was fairly harsh on the throat. In this bottle it's perfect splitsville. 40% pomegranate juice, 40% mango juice/puree, and the extra little bits are spread out between pear juice and natural flavoring. The flavors blend together in such a harmony that it's like an Oak Ridge Boys tune. They are singular and complementary at the same time.

I really couldn't ask for more from this. All I can do it give, and I shall do so in the form of a cheer. A cheer that you will never hear.

Amidst all of the Apple, Xbox One, and Playstation 4 announcements today (I think I just outed how much of a nerd I am), I almost forgot today was Iced Tea Day. I also forgot to eat anything in the last 10 hours so this comes at a good time.

I think I was given this flavor because I am the only one of us who doesn't hate pears. While I don't hate pears, I don't necessarily love them either. I've always thought of them as the last picked fruit in school. Bananas would be picked first because they're tall so they could easily dunk. Then the Grapes would be picked next because they can roll around the defenders easily. Oranges would be picked third because they roll really well and have a tough skin so they are good defense.

Then it would come to the Apples and Pears. Both have a shape that isn't usual, but the Apple would win out because it is semi-popular and would probably always wear sunglasses inside and listen to Phil Collins b-sides. So the Pears would be picked last and probably play third string. Their biggest moment in the game would be late in the 3rd when someone finally passes the ball to them because no one is bothering to guard them and they sink their only 2 point shot of the game. It's sad because they will replay that moment in their head for the remainder of Junior and Senior year.

Luckily this drink isn't that bad and doesn't have low self-esteem. It is exactly how it's labeled: A really nice smooth green tea with the compliments of a crisp pear juice. The weird thing is that pears don't appear specifically in the ingredients list. There is lemon juice concentrate and "natural flavors" two spots underneath it. After seeing this I do taste the lemon in the after taste. Whatever, it still tastes like pear.

This is one of those rare times where I give a beverage that I did not enjoy a great rating. I couldn't get through more than a few sips of this tea, but that is my problem, not Harney & Sons. If I were a person whose taste buds were in love with coconut (the meat of the fruit, not the water/milk), I would be all over this. It's sad that it turns out I don't have the palate for the stuff. This is a high quality green tea with a little vanilla and even less ginger added to it. Had that been the end of it, I would drink this all the live long day, but there is that previously mentioned coconut in there that just turns me off. The thing is if you are someone who does enjoy that sort of tropical delight, this is probably one of the best teas you could find on the market.

There are a bunch of teas on the market that claim to be lightly sweetened, and that just means it's what should be a normal amount of sugar added, instead of the insane amounts that most tea companies use. Harney & Sons make no such claim, but this tea is the definition of lightly sweetened in my world. There is a little cane sugar and a little honey in here, but it only equals 5g of sugar. It's enough to combat the bitterness of the green tea, but not enough so that it's completely nonexistent. This is a tea that you could drink obscene amounts of and not feel terrible for having done so.

It should also be noted that even though I don't like the coconut I'm powering through this, because everything else in it just tastes that good.

On this day, National Iced Tea day, I did intend on drinking only iced tea but promptly screwed that up. Who cares, right? It's just one day a year. I'm getting my iced tea in. You should be celebrating it stronger than us because we drink more than you. We don't like to drink old things and it is often hard to find new, specific drinks. Believe it or not, I only had this one iced tea at the office. Please allow me to review said drink now.

This is good. It's got a nice green tea taste and is substantially less sweet than Arizona although the taste is pretty close. I feel that they really hit the nail on the head with the quantity of honey because you can really taste it. I am no mathemagician but I can tell you it's about 50/50 sugar/honey up in hrrrrrrrr and I like it.

Now that you can add one more tea to your repertoire, find it and drink it. According to the Eastern time zone, you've got less than ten hours to celebrate!

On iced tea day, I intended on only drinking iced tea. That is until I saw a commercial for cold hot chocolate and had to switch things up a little bit. I'll get to you tea but as it is, I drink more iced tea per week than an entire family.

I went to Dunkin' Donuts and humiliatingly ordered "Midgees" which I guess was the old name for "Munchkins" and I think the cashier picked on me but I can't be sure so I have to let them get away with it. Then they didn't have anything but glazed ones anyhow so it really didn't matter what I called them. Nothing but problems with that place. Then I got this drink and I was ready to go.

Now this drink is simple, right? It's hot chocolate but cold. They "Icee" it up a little bit using their super crushed Coolata ice. I don't know how they do it but it's nice. It's nice for a limited time and then it just turns into a regular, flat drink. I drank about half this as something special and then the second half, as far as I am concerned, was just chocolate milk. As you can see in the picture, they just have chocolate syrup in there anyhow. It's not like they invented anything here. They just made something hot cold and blended it in a machine that they use to make other things in.

Sure, it's good. Sure I would get another. It's hardly breaking down any barriers. I know they're not trying to do that and I'm not trying to judge them too harshly. I don't know what I would do to improve that aside from things on my part. Number one would be to get a smaller drink so that I can enjoy it as it was intended in its entirety. Second would be to drink it faster and not care about the inevitable impending brain freeze or actually enjoying the drink. I think that the first option is the better one. Smaller. I didn't need all that I got anyhow. I think I ordered a small but they might have given me a medium. Maybe I got a medium. They probably just proved me right and just got my order wrong again.

Ahh, a bottle of vintage. I'll never forget those days, going to the grandparent's farmhouse during the hot summer months. Working with grandpa bailing hay, cutting dozens of acres of lawn, milking cows, and putting shoes on horses. The later was for fun. It wasn't actual horseshoes. It was my sister's shoes that she brought in case there was some sort of ho down at the town square that she needed to get all gussied up for. Imagine a pony wearing mid-sized heels. It's a treat to see. After a nice, moderate ten hour work day with pappy, he and I would go inside and talk about things like Bill Clinton, Atari, segregation in schools, apples, and the like. We would discuss these topical issues over a nice bowl of turkey caramels until it was time to go to sleep. Ahh those caramels. Nothing is quite as refreshing as sugar free turkey caramels. It just hits the spot after you have a nice turkey dinner with mashed potatoes and peas. You know how awful it is to eat a meal and then wash it down with something that doesn't taste like what you just ate. Oh, I hate it. If I just ate a hamburger, I wish there were some sort of hamburger ice cream that I could eat to keep my palate just where it was.



Pappy, if you're reading this, I don't miss those days and although my friends say that I was missing my youth, I thought that there is only one way to have such course, calloused hands and strong work ethic at ten. Those kids that were spending their youth playing football, having sleepovers, listening to pop music; those kids are soft. We, you and I, we are strong independent men who can take care of ourselves with the lay of the land. Animals? I'll milk 'em all of the day. We're men, pappy. All because of our talks and those delicious salty turkey caramel filled nights.

Last night as I was purchasing a loaf of Italian bread and an avocado for some late night hangout snacks (yes I ate almost all of it myself, and yes it was delicious.) I saw that Goya had ventured into the “Vitamin Water” world with a new line of drinks called Hydro Health. The cashier told me that Goya has been going crazy and is making everything these days. She was dumbfounded that they now made baby food and these drinks. That was all of the examples I was given, so I can only assume that Goya has two new product lines. Perhaps two=everything in some worlds.

It seems that for the entire Hydro Health line Goya decided to forgo cane sugar or high fructose corn syrup, and kept them all zero calories. They did so by using erythritol and stevia, so that it would be zero calories and all natural. The end result turned out surprisingly well. It doesn't taste overly diet at all. In one of those blind taste tests that were all the rage in the 80's I bet a good majority of the participants wouldn't even realize this was diet. It may be the most un-diet diet beverage I have ever tried.

This is just as good as any Vitamin Water or any of the other similar brands out there. It's a little light on the flavor, but I actually prefer it that was. It's supposed to be a water drink, so I don't want it to taste like a mouthful of sweetener and artificial flavor. It's light and it's smooth. It has more of a generic tropical taste rather than a heavy guava or passion fruit, but I can look past it since it's so refreshing.

Glaceau has somehow figured out a way to make sucralose sweetened beverages not taste like the third circle of Dante's diet hell. This still tastes a bit off, but it doesn't have that gross chemical taste to it. Perhaps it's all the added vitamins and the like that do a nice job covering it up.

This does not contain a single drop of actual juice, but they did a decent job replicating the flavors in their laboratory. Even though this beverage isn't syrupy at all the flavor tastes like a syrup. If that made any sense to you then we are on the same wavelength and I think I may feel sorry for you. It's the kind of drink that helps wean people onto diet drinks. I could see myself drinking this a bunch and slowly becoming desensitized to that gross diet flavor. This could help a lot of people, well they may get cancer or something from artificial sweeteners, but at least they won't be obese.