United States - 4098 Reviews

Dear Energy Drink World,
I know your secret, your big, dark secret about your lineage that you don't want the world to find out about. You know what, I'm going to tell the world, and expose you for what you are. I know who the father of energy drinks is. He was once a boy who found a golden ticket that granted him and his conman grandfather access to the world's greatest candy factory. Once they were inside they tricked the kind, gentle owner/operator of the factory into signing the deed for everything over to them.

At first it was business as usual, making all of the candy the factory always produced, but in secret that boy who was quickly becoming a man performed savage experiments with the candy and added chemicals to them for various results. It wasn't until the original owner of the candy factory passed on that the boy who was now a devious man unleashed his new creations upon the world under various names so it couldn't be traced back to him and his lucrative candy business. He took the world by storm with what he called energy drinks.

You see when he was young he realized that sugar candy made kids go bonkers so he decided to up the ante and add taurine, caffeine and various other ingredients to make a beverage that would be the same to adults, but with greater effects. He started various companies, each of which used a different candy base for the energy chemicals to be added to. They all had similar but unique flavors.

One such company was Icon. For this formula he added the usual suspects of energy infused ingredients to a base that was made primarily of blue raspberry sweet tarts, heavy on the blue aspect of it. The result was very similar to his other companies, but it had a slightly different candy flavor to it, that actually stood out more than was expected. It was essentially a blue raspberry version of his flagship energy company, Red Bull.

Now you see the world knows your secrets, but I fear I am too late. Your drinks have been embraced by society and they consume and enjoy them to such an extent that they won't even care that you bastardized a wholesome candy company. It look like you win this time Charles.

Brian, Dad is going to be so excited when he gets home. He works long hours at the insurance company and he's always telling mom how he needs a drink so we're going to make him something. Let's look around the house and see if we can't find some stuff to make for dad.

Well first things first, all drinks need some water so here is a little water. Oh, grab those green apples over there and we'll mush those and put the juice into the drink. What else do we have? Bananas? No, we don't have any bananas. Red apples? Nope. Man, mom needs to go grocery shopping. Kiwi? well we don't have many of them but we do have some. Smash them and put the juice in this cup. What else do we have? A pineapple? Brian, that's going to be hard to juice. Yes, they're juicy but we're going to need to cut this thing up and get to smashing. Hand me that knife. I know mom says not to play with knives but I'm cutting a pineapple. What part of that is considered playing? That's right. None of it. Alright. It's cut. Quick, it's five o'clock and dad is going to be home. Hand me that pear and those lemons. We've got to get to juicing.

Alright. We are all juiced by hand and we've got a nice cup of green juice. I don't know why it's green. Sure, green apples are green and pears are green but the juice isn't green. Maybe this is what happens when you combine all these fruits. Let's taste it. We've got a tall glass and dad would want us to share, right? What do you think? Yeah, Brian. You are right. It tastes like a less sour, green Freezepop. How did that happen? We put fresh fruit in there and it tastes slightly better than a cheap popsicle.

Do you think Dad is going to like it? What do you mean he's home? When did that happen? We didn't have time to clean. Oh, man. Dad is going to be ticked. Well we will give him this glass and we will clean up in the...oh...hey dad. We made this for you. Yeah, I know we made a bit of a mess but we wanted you to have something to drink when you get home. We'll clean up before mom gets home so you don't get in trouble. What? Mom is home now, too? When did you guys stop using the garage door and start acting so stealth? She's going to be angry at...oh...hey mom. Yeah, well we were making juice for dad and we thought that we would have more time. Yes. We'll clean it up. Yeah. No dessert. We get it. We're sorry.

Here we are with the last one. Four cans, four flavors, four ridiculous pictures of Shaq's face and four drinks left ¾ unfinished. As has been said about the other flavors, these should be great. They are all natural, and Arizona is a company with a pretty good track record. These just fall short though. The first couple of sips are decent enough, but then it all just goes downhill and the good aspects of the flavor get lost. Seriously, this is an orange cream soda that is made with actual orange juice; it should be amazing and not this fizzy can of sub-mediocrity that site before me.

I've narrowed it down and the problem with these is that the taste of the vanilla and whatever fruit is flavoring it (in this case it's orange) doesn't stick around long enough. They remain on your tongue for but a brief moment and then you're just left with a sweet fizzyness that has hints of honey. It needs a stronger, long lasting flavor to pull you through such a large can.

I know a lot of people who were excited when these came out, but not a single one of them have enjoyed the soda. I'm sure once the summer ends these will fade into obscurity and never resurface again.

Trudy is one heck of a heifer. At first glance she looks like any other cow on the market, but a closer look shows that she has a David Bowie thing going on where she has two different color eyes. The thing is that she one's up the Thin White Duke as her right eyes looks like a rainbow. I bet that would drive Mr. Stardust insane that he didn't have that back in the 70's. Looks aside Trudy is also special because of the milk that comes out of her utters, you see it's pre-sweetened and tastes kind of fruity. Weird, right? I mean it's common knowledge that chocolate milk comes from brown cows, but who would have guessed that fruity milk comes from a cow with a rainbow eye?

The milk that comes from her actually kind of tastes like what is leftover after you eat the cereal from a bowl of Fruity Pebbles. It's not for me personally, but the kids sure seem to love it. I'm not a fan of milk to begin with, and on top of that it's a bit sweeter than I would ever want, but as I said I'm a grown ass man and this is a drink for the children of the world. Well, at least the children of the middle class in the United States.

Oh the spices of the island. Depending on what island you are talking about could really have a strong affect on the drink. If I were to drink Jamaican spiced lemonade it might be a ginger jerk lemonade. I don't know how I would feel about it. Indian, although not an island, spiced would be a masala or curry lemonade that makes we want to ralph all over the place. A Puerto Rico island spice would be what...Adobo? That would be bad, too.

This island, although never discussed by name, is home to I guess a little bit of cinnamon because that's all I'm getting here. It's a good lemonade, don't get me wrong, but in terms of having a different title pointing to some mystery island and just barely if at all changing your recipe, that's kind of a waste of time. If this was just "Cabana Lemonade" I would say, "Oh, this is pretty good lemonade and it has a hint of cinnamon which puts it over the top." If you are going to call it "island spice" and not put enough to push it over the edge, well you missed the point all together.

I'm not trying to be a greedy child, but I want more spice! More spicy! Spicier! More trips to the island. I mean, come on. Who is complaining about trips to the island? Go get more spices and send me a new batch.

I've come to really love the fresh made refreshers at Starbucks. It's still one step below a juice bar, but so far they have been consistently good. Take this Valencia Orange one I recently had. I was expecting it to be just a simple orange drink, but it blew my mind. It was more tart that lemonade usually is. It almost had a kumquat taste to it. The orange flavor really popped as well, and wasn't masked by the tartness.

Straight from the Starbucks website, this is what they have to say about its ingredients: "Three varietals of orange combined with floral and fruity notes from orange peel, cardamom, jasmine and apricot lightly caffeinated with Green Coffee Extract, served over ice." I love the green coffee extract, it gives it a little kick without be overbearing. I know they sell packets of these at Starbuck locations but I fear they won't be as good as the fresh made drinks.

Here is another one of those times where I just can not get down with a drink, but I give it an decent review simply because I know there are a lot of people out there who would truly enjoy it. Everything thing about this drink is organic and perfectly fine, so it would be unfair for me to give it a bad review simply because I do not like this aspect of coconuts.

If coconuts were to be portrayed as a character in the DC universe, they would be Two Face. The Harvey Dent, unscarred side of Two Face would represent coconut water. It's clean and refreshing tasting. It makes you feel good and there is hope for the fruit. I believe in Harvey Dent, or at least his side of the coconut. Then there is the other dark side of the tropical fake nut. It's the side that is toasted and burned, much like the face of this adversary. It's also the side that makes you think of the beach and tanning oil. It's something I certainly cannot get behind. I kind of wish it was thrown into Arkham once and for all.

This beverage does not taste like toasted coconuts, but it unfortunately really tastes like you're trying to catch some rays and you lick a little too far past your lips and taste your tanning oil. It actually is like someone took that oil and really sweetened it up. There is erythritol in here, so it's a cool, sweetened tanning oil. It's strange. It has the makings of some sort of candy that half the population would absolutely love and the rest of us rational people would hate.

I was just saying the other day that I was wondering what the elixir of life was. Finally, an answer to this age old question. Sure, some might think that it's water, or water infused with gold and diamonds, but they would be wrong. The true elixir of life is, apparently, a spicy, Indian inspired, coconut drink. I know; we were way off until this point.

What do I think of the elixir of life? Well, I don't think that I'm going to live that long if this is what we've got. Yes, as expected, this is a little spicy, pretty tangy, and doesn't taste that much like coconut water. All good, right? Sure if you hate the actual taste of the drink and love the delectable, rare exotic spice called salt. I'll say it, and parents cover your kids' ears; this is a salty bitch of a drink. I wanted this to taste more like Indian food and peppers and all of the ingredients on the side but instead I got something that felt like whatever reverse blood pressure medicine would taste like if you poured all your spices from your spice cabinet into a bottle of cold water.

Even with doing that, which this company did not do, you do get a little bit of goodness in every sip but I could take about half a dozen sips of this before I, aloud, questioned what I was doing drinking this. It's quasi-drinkable but you've really got to have a dead palate to get past its downfall. And let's be honest, if you can't taste anything, you should not be wasting your money on drinks like this.

We can all agree that green tea is great, correct? Out of all the teas in the world that I have tasted it can stand the highest on it's own; no sweeteners, no added flavors, just tea leaves boiled in water and left to cool. It's wonderful, it's refreshing and it's all I really need. I mean I like more, but I don't need it.

I'm assuming with their Tea Water line Arizona is trying to make a lighter tea, that doesn't have as many calories as their regular line, but doing so without using zero calorie sweeteners that effect the taste a lot, no matter what anyone says. I appreciate what they are going for here. There is almost always far too much sugar in drinks these days, and I certainly enjoy a light tea. What I have a problem with was the solution they came up with. They may have started using a lower tea to water ratio so that it was a weaker tea and added less sugar to the result, but I'm willing to wager that they brewed a regular batch of their green tea and watered it down to nearly nothing. The end result is a watered down tea that is slightly sweet, but in the way that tastes like you watered it down yourself, not before it was sweetened. The small amount of sugar used tastes stretched out. I imagine the sugar feels like Marty McFly when his hand starts fading away. It's uncertain as to whether it will still exist at all by the end of the bottle.

I myself prefer a stronger tea, but I have no major qualms with the weaker variety. It is my humble belief that they should have forgone the sweetener altogether. The use of no sweetener as compared to very little washed out sweetener would have made this far more enjoying. It wouldn't have seemed like they were trying to pull one over on the consumer by just stretching their beverages. They could have watered down the tea a bit more to keep the Tea Water name. I'm sure that was a marketing ploy. In a world where Vitamin Water reigns supreme at gas stations, something called “Tea Water” would probably spark more interest then something that says “Unsweetened Tea.”

I will say that I do really enjoy the yumberry flavor to this. Light everything in the drink it's light. I appreciate that this is all organic and it's really that trace amount of sugar that is bringing this whole line down.

Oh that little guy right there? Yeah I like those little guys. Well, except for that raspberry half & half; something about that just wasn't quite right. Hubert, a company that makes some of the best ready to drink lemonade your mouth buds will ever encounter, is made by Hansens, who make some of the best natural soda those self same mouth buds most certainly love. I must admit that I don't think they use the same lemonade in their half & halfs as they do in their glass bottle versions, but that is acceptable. Their lemonade is pretty darn sour, and to mix it with tea would require a whole lot more sugar than I am prepared to digest. My hypothesis is that they take that lemonade and go 50/50 with it and water. Then they mix it in with some black tea and let the party begin.

This is what I want all lemon tea to taste like. Far too often it tastes like cleaner to me, but this is perfect. It's more tea than lemonade. It's probably in the 60/40 range, which is just fine with me. The folks at Hubert's didn't go overboard with the sugar either as any companies are prone to do. There is a bunch in there, but it still taste like tea and lemons and not sugar water. Plus city.

Look at that little guy on the label. He's giving you a quick little wink to let you know that he understands everything you've been going through. You had a rough week at work and now that you have time off it's sweltering hot and you need to cool down to enjoy your day. He's just saying don't worry the contents of my body are here to refresh you. Just imbibe me and everything will be just fine…€¦.well that turned unexpectedly creepy.

For the longest time, it was hard to find vegan coffee drinks. Besides smaller coffee shops and Starbucks, it's near impossible if you want anything besides a black coffee. For as large as Dunkin Donuts and Tim Hortons have become, you'd think they'd start offering drinks with soymilk by now. I have probably gone on this rant before but I don't care.

Lately I've been enjoying the new non-dairy coffee drinks that have been hitting the shelves like this one. It makes sense from a marketing stand point, they already have the key ingredient, might as well throw a little coffee in there. This particular one is decent, but not amazing. It has that chocolate milkshake feel that I was hoping for, but sadly the chalky taste of the soymilk really spoils the drink. I can't complain too much because this half gallon cost the same as a 12 oz iced soy mocha at any coffee shop so it gets a pass for it's cost and convenience factor.

Part of being a Thirsty Dude is having a beard. It's a light pre-requisite and since we're currently not looking to fill any slots, you can stop filling out that resume. Thirsty Dudes aside, I would still have a beard unless I want to look ten years younger. Since I don't care as much as I probably should about my physical appearance, I have a beard. I grow it out and shave it down and grow it out and shave it down. When it is long, you have to take care of it or you look like a regular old scumbag. I have a medicine cabinet filled with oils, pomades, and waxes to help my hairy buddy look his best.

Now why did I just spend the last couple minutes talking about beards? It's simple, actually. It is because this drink tastes a little bit like a tea tree oil that I use in m' beard. It's very peculiar. It's got a little bit of a mintiness that tastes like when you were a kid and thought that Huck Finn looked cool while he had that wheat in his mouth so you put it in your mouth and it tasted like fresh cut, minty grass. Yes, there is cranberry in there but you are distracted by the other stuff that is going on in there.

I am not well read. I will admit it. I feel like I can grow a wonderful beard. Whether or not I look good with it is a totally different issue that we will undoubtedly handle in another, if not many other reviews. I urge you to try this because it's so strange, so very strange.

We have quite the storm going on in Buffalo, NY right now. I believe in the past two hours I have seen more lightning and heard more thunder than the rest of my life combined. It's crazy go nuts university out there. Luckily I made it home right before the sky opened up and all of the moisture in all of the air from the entire world dropped on my beloved city. What better way to experience this than by sitting under your covered porch, drinking a nice frosty root beer and listening to The Cure's Disintegration? Oh you don't have root beer? Well neither did I actually, and I'd a bit ashamed of that. AS a fill in I decided to go with a cool bottle of Fitz's grape pop. It might not be as comforting as root beer, and I may not be at a BBQ, but this is one fine bottle of soda. It's like someone took a standard grape soda and turned it up a few notches. I was actually questioning whether there was real juice in here; there's not. It just tastes bold and fruity in the right ways. This may be the best grape soda I've ever had that wasn't just sparkling grape juice. To bring this full circle, it's actually much better than their root beer, which was very standard without the amping up.

The storm is still raging, but my bottle is empty and the album is over. It's time to call it a night and read some comics. This is how everyone celebrates their birthday, right?

I know what you're thinking. No, not because I'm psychic. People that say they are psychic are shysters and crooks. I just know that you are thinking, "Oh, chocolate tea. That sounds grozz." Well, friend. Live a little because this tube of tea bags was a wise investment on my part.

There is a red tea base that you can kind of taste first. It's a very good tea in itself but then, oh, here it comes, Chocolageddon with a sprig of mint. It is a very refreshing drink because it's as "thin" as a tea but almost tastes like a mint hot chocolate. I did ten ounces and decided to roll the dice and snag a couple more O.Z.'s out of the same bag and it was a solid 80% return on investment.

It's almost unfortunate because they have so many other good flavors that it's going to cost me a pretty penny to, much like Ash to his Pokemon, collect them all. I've got thirty one bags left of this treat so it might take me a little bit to get to the rest of the family.

We took the plunge. This is a real 1% drink. Remember last year's 99% versus 1% debate? Well I'm bringing it back because unless you are making $250,000 per year, you don't really have any business buying twelve dollar drinks. I don't mean to be rude, but I'm trying to make it so you can afford to put bread on the table. For the cost of this drink, you can put three loaves of bread on the table. That would feed your carbohydrate hungry family for quite a while or just quench your thirst, oddly, for an hour or two.

"Special birthday drink" aside, let's get into the nitty gritty of this beverage and no, I am not using that phrase lightly. Upon inspection of this drink of the shelf, you will notice that it is, like the other BluePrint drinks, a sixteen ounce bottle with lettering that makes it look like one of those hip hop shirts from the mid-2000's. You know, the ones that say things like, "Dre, Easy, Ren, Ice" and you are supposed to know, "Oh, that's NWA." You should know that's NWA but that's beyond the point.

Anyhow, you're looking at the bottle and you turn it upside down and there is three quarters of an inch of white sludge on the bottom. It looks almost like paste. It shakes up just fine but man, it is sludgy as can be. You shake her up and smell it and...well...it's like if your three year old son made you a drink comprised of paste and milk. That's two out of the five senses.

You say to yourself, "I spent an hour's worth of money on this drink, I'm going to drink the whole thing. You take a sip and it does not taste like milk paste but it tastes like the milk after a heaping bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, also known as Jay Draper's favorite cereal. There is sense number three.

Number four is touch which I should put in quotes because you are feeling it with your tongue. It is a gritty son of a gun. I assume it is the handful of cashews that were murdered to make this drink. It tastes a bit sandy but it's cinnamon, nut flavored sand so it's alright. You know it's not going to hurt you so you are fine with your newly sanded esophagus.

I suppose we could have put our ears to this drink and said, "Sense five is that it doesn't sound like anything." but that would be a cop out. We could also go the more new age way and say that we heard it "calling us." but we're not really that type of guys.

Four out of five senses were used in the drinking of this and the flavor itself would get a three out of five but in terms of uniqueness and quality it has earned another bottle.

A part of me really wanted to like this. I love cola, and I occasionally like lime flavored drinks. Ok, more than occasionally. I think if this weren't diet I'd love it. And normally I can ignore the gross diet flavor of soda, but this one is impossible. I think the diet and the lime have teamed up and just cut through the cola and into the back of your throat like a ninja in battle with other ninjas. There's a marketing campaign, rename this Diet Pepsi Ninja Battle Lime and then people will know what to expect.

Somewhere in some universe teenager me is watching modern day me and shaking his head. He's thinking what has my life come to that not only am I drinking nutritional shakes that are high in protein, but that I am doing so with it's intended purpose in mind. The idea of working out at a gym is laughable to the kid who talked his phys ed teacher into letting kids play hacky sack instead of working out. He's a kid who believed that all the exercise one needed in life could be had by skateboarding and wandering around in the woods with your friends. It is also the same kid who thought he could subside forever on tacos, Pop Tarts and Quaker granola bars.

Here are some words of wisdom for me of two decades past; when you get older life gets in the way, and you won't be in the woods nearly as much as you used to, or want to, and when there's no one else to skate with anymore, and you realize that you can in fact hurt yourself, you only get on a board a couple times a year. As far as the food goes, keep eating those tacos, but Pop Tarts are just gross and you know it. The only reason you eat them is because your mom keeps buying them. As for the granola bars, you'll upgrade to higher quality ones and still eat them on the regular. The point of all of this is that when you're in your mid thirties things will start to catch up with your body, and you'll realize that you're not a scrawny little kid anymore, and you really need to get some exercise, which also actually makes you feel good and helps with that stupid depression that lingered around for most of your life because of the dumb music you listened to. Okay, you'll still be listening to that same dumb music, and loving it just as much, but the physical activity helps counteract it, so you're not up until dawn every night doing absolutely nothing, and rarely seeing the sun.

Oh and while you're exercising to help make life more bearable (while listening to songs written in a minor key like a maniac) you might as well help your body recover by drinking some of these shakes. They do help, and nowadays they don't all taste like dust. This actually just tastes like something between a nice smoothie and a melting milkshake. You probably have no idea what pomegranate and acai are since it's the early/mid 90's where you are and they haven't invaded every facet of eating yet, but trust me…€¦you enjoy them. Well, maybe not acai too much, but when it's mixed with other stuff it's not bad at all. This doesn't taste overly like a protein drink at all, and it's nice that companies such as Mix 1 are expanding their lines into things other than chocolate, vanilla and strawberry banana. It's mellow. It's fruity. It's enjoyable.

Oh, and teenage self. Why don't you spend some of that time that you are awake all night and actually pick up that bass that's next to your bed? I know you think you're good, but I can tell you twenty years later you really should be much better than you are. As it is now, you're just faking your way through it, but hey at least we're still making music.

Part of an essence water is that it doesn't really taste like much. This, on the other hand, not at all following directions, tastes like a Stevia laced hard candy. There is natural sugar in it but it's almost to the "what's the point" line where it tastes primarily of said artificial sweetener. It's not bad but it is very, very sweet and tastes entirely of a juice and nothing like flavored or essence water.

As far as strawberries and watermelons are concerned, yes, they are in there. If you keep it in your mouth and swish it around you can taste those two rumbling around like a couple of unbuckled children in the way back of an early ninety's station wagon. As soon as you swallow, you get a rush of everything that Stevia has to offer which you can take at however you feel about her and her doings.

I don't know the rules of naming a beverage but I like to think that I've been around the block enough to know that this was mislabeled.

We're talking about a diet root beer here, friends. I'm about to tell you that it is actually good. They must have pumped the diet so full of root beer flavor that it is no longer gross. This is sweetened with aspartame and they have managed to do a pretty good job of keeping a dark root beer flavor and not making this taste like something a fat housewife would drink while she's watching her stories. I mean it. A dark, diet root beer that I haven't spit all over my monitor.

I'll say the titular line...Dang! That's good root beer.

Are you a weakling? Do you wish you were strong like the muscle men on the TV? Are you afraid of hair loss and shrinkage? Well do we have the steroid alternative for you! Powerade gives you the “aid” to need to get “powerful.” See what I did there? The dumbest spelling out of a name's origin you will ever see.

You may find yourself saying, sir I have seen Powerade around for years. Isn't it just a knock off of Gatorade? Yes you would be correct, but Gatorade does not have these fancy little concentrate bottles that you can keep in your purse/fanny pack. This way you don't have to worry about the bulk of the big bottles, and you can add it to water anywhere you go; your home, the gym, that fancy French restaurant you go to on your anniversary. Literally anywhere.

The real bonus of this product comes in the fact that you can squeeze to flavor it however you want. If you find regular Powerade too watery, you can just squeeze a little more in and make it a bit stronger. There are no calories and no sugar so there are no worries about how much you add.

This has that fake blue raspberry flavor that many drinks/candies have. You know what it tastes like, but it's got sucralose, so it's a tad on the diet side, but not much. It's actually much better than I expected and I will probably drink more than one cup of it before passing it on to someone else.