United States - 4098 Reviews

I'm melting. I swear it was so hot in the print shop today that my skin felt like it was just going to melt off. I drank a half-gallon of unsweetened iced tea, and it still wasn't cutting it. I needed refreshment and I needed it instantly. My drink bin is running dangerously low, but luckily I had a single bottle of Gatorade in there. Not only was it meant to refresh and rehydrate, it also cam in a large quantity (32oz). I cracked open this cap and chugged about half the bottle. It's not how I generally drink a beverage for review, but I knew I had a lot left, and I felt I ha sweat out a dangerous amount of life sustaining fluids.

The enigma of this beverage is that even though the flavor is very light, it has a stronger flavor than other varieties of Gatorade. It's a grape flavor, but the “Gatorade-ness” of it isn't as prominent as with other flavors. I personally think it's one of the best in the companies arsenal.

After I drank this the room was still scalding hot, and I was still sweating like a maniac, but I felt much better. As an added bonus it also has a great taste. I win all the way around.

Jay says to me he says, "We've got this briefcase of drinks and they're like protein drinks but they don't taste like protein drinks." Then he hands me a cardboard briefcase of these drinks. How can I turn down a proposal like that? I could be a high power, yet ecologically concerned, sales person in the time when kids used to have those clear, acrylic backpacks so teachers could see what they are carrying in case they are carrying bombs and/or guns. Ahh, this post-911 world is something, isn't it? We've got to carry around briefcases made of cardboard with little see-through holes so you can see, "No, ma'am. That's not a gun. That's a protein drink. No need to phone the police on me. Have a nice day, now. That's for assuming that because I have a beard and tattoos that I carry around weapons."

So I've got this briefcase of drinks and Jay blows through the other ones and says, "You do the watermelon." Don't have to ask me twice. I drink it and it's good. It's like a Vitamin Water but maybe a little thicker. Not "protein drink" thick, but thick enough for me to feel the need to mention. There wasn't any gross, artificial sweetener taste to it regardless of it actually having an artificial sweetener in it. Then again, actual Vitamin Water doesn't use real sugar and it doesn't taste gross so they might be on to something.

The watermelon flavor is a bit "candied" but isn't so sweet that it is like liquid watermelon candy; a though that makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about. It's not too strong of a watermelon flavor either so it's not offensive even of itself.

Look; yes. I had a briefcase of drinks and although I knew a kid in high school that had a bit of an issue with a pipe bomb, there is no need for me to carry that thing around with me. I can carry opaque stuff just like anyone else and if a cop wants to ask to see what's in my bag, please do. Enjoy my assortment of drinks, inevitably varied metal, pop, and indie rock records, and whatever else I've got in that thing. You sir, you wasted your time because that guy across the street probably has a pound of weed in his hemp, drawstring backpack. I mean, come on, officer. He's wearing a tie dye Grateful Dead dancing bear shirt in the year 2013. No way he'd pee clean.

There is both something about Mary and something about peaches. Mary had a certain "cuteness" and liked the "underachiever" a bit. That made her approachable but still frightening because there was no telling why she didn't like "normal" guys. Peaches are a bit more complex. It might be due to my hatred of using napkins and my simultaneous hatred towards leaky fruit but I don't like 'em. This, though, I wish it had some sort of nutritional value because it's good.

Yeah, I know. Us drink elitists should have higher standards when it comes to what we like but this, HFCS and all, is pretty good and at the top of the charts when it comes to peach pop, not that there is a lot of competition. What do I like about it? It's adequate sweetness and the fact that it doesn't linger like that friend from high school that wants to catch up with you when you're carrying two gallons of milk and a handful of groceries and are on the phone with your mom.

Even with that glowing recommendation, I cannot finish a simple coffee cup full of it, let alone the generous portion inside of the bottle itself. Fruit pop does that to me.

I like sparkling beverages and I love green tea. I also prefer lower calorie beverages when it's due to less sugar instead of zero calorie sweeteners. That is where Steaz went wrong. This would have been great with just a pinch of sugar, or better off no sweeteners at all. A sparkling unsweetened tea would be wonderful. Instead they used Erythritol, which is normally an okay choice for zero calorie sweeteners, but they seemed to have used ten times the recommended amount. The fluid in this can tastes more like sweetener than it does blood orange or tea for that matter. It would be bad enough, but still somehow acceptable if the diet taste was only there when you sipped it, but it leaves a long lasting diet aftertaste that lingers for minutes after each sip.

Steaz took a swing for the stars, and they unfortunately struck out. Actually the more I think about it I can hardly taste the blood orange at all. It's truly a shame.

Gerald, you just won a big race but I didn't tell you that I have a flat tire and we actually have to run to return this copy of "Bridemaids" to the video store and it closes in fifteen minutes. I have for you a small bottle of energy water. It's like water but it's got some extra goodies in it. What goodies? I don't know; what am I, a scientist? Did I make the drink? No, Gerald. I did not make the drink. Every minute that we're stuck talking about the drink is time that you could be running to the video store. Yeah, I'm surprised that they made the movie on VHS, too but they did. What do I look like, Gerald? A rich person? Only rich people use DVDs. Blu-Ray? What's that?

What does it taste like? Jesus Christ, Gerald. It tastes a little like Tang but a little bit thicker and a little bit more diet. It's good. I had one and I'm wasting my energy talking to you about the where's'it's and who's'it's of this drink. Just get out of here. You don't have to worry about your precious figure because there are no calories in the entire bottle.

Thank you, Gerald, for finally returning my video. Now when you get there, see if they have a VHS copy of "Bachlorette." I'm on a real "bad girl wedding" tear right now.

Orange and gross. If you speed drink this, it might taste good. It does have a good initial orange juice taste but as soon as the orange goes down your gullet, it is promptly shoved, quite rudely out of the way, by a bitter taste. Do not for a split second think that this cacao has anything to do with chocolate because if it tasted like one of those fantastic orange chocolate balls, I would order a case of this. That is absolutely not the case and is actually the polar opposite.

You end up racing against that nondescript putrid taste by drinking and it's just an endless race. I checked the expiration date multiple times because I thought it had gone bad. Why wouldn't you just buy orange juice? That's all you want out of this drink is for it to taste like orange juice. The other stuff you can leave behind regardless of its healthy goodness. Eat a salad. Leave this on the shelf.

Whilst reading about the great mythical creatures of ancient Greece the idea for Nu Aquos was born. You see all of the best monsters in history are nothing more than multiple creatures thrown together in some sort of pre-gene splicing experiment. Why couldn't what Minotaurs, Centaurs, Pegasus, Harpies and the like have done for animals be translated into the beverage world?

After months of experimenting Nu Aquos was born. Finally a beverage that could simultaneously rehydrate, restore and recover hit the market. The way it was achieved was by creating a hybrid of a protein drink, sports drink and well…€¦Vitamin Water. If you think about it you can actually taste each of those entities in the drink underneath a pomegranate, acai and blueberry flavor that is as strong as it is in any of its sum parts.

I'd like to see an ad campaign with the previously mentioned creatures all pounding these drinks to help them get through their tough days of fighting off warriors. Hilarity would ensue. Hilarity that even the gods would enjoy.

Finally. Look, when I was a kid I could probably stomach super sweet all of the day, but now I've got to watch what goes into me. This isn't one of those "I'm getting old" things but I don't need that stuff anymore. Kid stuff. I'm as immature as I can be but when it comes to "kid food" that stuff straight sucks. This is the first strawberry pop I've had that doesn't make me want to just save the dentists of the world some time and knock out my own teeth. It's real "candy strawberry" tasting but it's not too sugary. It's also not lingering thanks to the real sugar and not corn syrup. Get it in and get it over with. This one is a win.

Everyone knows that when training for space travel potential astronauts need to prepare their bodies for zero gravity as well as G-LOC (well to avoid it). G-LOC is when the intense amounts of gravity moves the blood away from the brain, which can cause a loss of consciousness. In order to prevent this the future space travelers take a couple of rides in a high G-Force centrifuge. Essentially it spins them around at ridiculous speeds to mimic the effects of a space launch. I can only assume it is not a pretty picture. I assume it's like a Tilt-A-Whirl times a thousand.

Now in order to prepare for the training Gamma Labs has created this product that gives the user energy, focus and endurance. All of which are important when spinning a million miles and hour until you no longer have blood in your head and you pass out.

Remember in the 80's when you could buy freeze dried food and the tagline was something like, “Eat like the astronauts!,” well now you can drink like the astronauts trainees. Do you know what astronauts drinks taste like? Well I'll tell you they taste like concentrated sour diet sugar. I measured out the water perfectly, like an astronaut would, and I have to say this is extremely strong in a way that makes it a little difficult to drink. More water, or less m ix would have treated me much better. I don't understand how this can be so sour, yet taste so much like sucralose. It's a mystery for the cosmos.

ps. The only place that Gamma Labs products have any connection to astronauts is in my head, which is quite full of blood at the moment, so I have no fear of losing consciousness, especially since I just drank some energy powder that will probably have me up all night.

I can near guarantee, with no need for research, that there have been unsuccessful mobs. Mobs and gangs are a tough racket. Unless you're one of those motorcycle gangs that look like the toughest dudes ever that secretly raise money for kids with cancer, you're always on the lamb. Especially when you're well known and people know not to mess with you, everyone waiting until you slip and leave a print somewhere. You're always looking behind you thinking people are watching you. Maybe Rockwell was in a gang and he felt like people were watching him, something to think about.

If a mob spent, nay, wasted their time making pop, I would say that they would be better off just boosting cars because that's a waste of time. You're probably not making that much money and your overhead is way too high. You've got machines, staff, social security, tax and not just smooth dudes working their way into purses and pockets stealing keys and hitting the road with a fresh "slightly used" Lincoln MKZ to sell one town over.

This pop especially is nothing to "go straight" for. It's not as strong as some more cheap, run of the mill black cherry pops, which is a good thing but nothing special by any means. It tastes like black cherry and is carbonated, so if you really like black cherry pop, this could be on the board of "go to's" but it doesn't really stand out.

If you are going to be in the gang or the mob, do it right and be that guy that finds things that fall off a truck, not the guy that has the hook up on otherwise generic pop. You're above the law and below the radar. Make the most of it. You don't need to kill anyone but you could be a modern day Robin Hood. Just think of it that way when you're driving some day trader's Porsche Panamera down the street without his knowledge.

Health Guard is one pushy company. First they were telling everyone to “Be Happy” and now they have their megaphone out yelling “Be Skinny” to the world. I mean it's a bit presumptuous to think you know what is best for everyone and what people want.

I kid. I know Health Guard isn't a militant group forcing people to be skinny and happy, but the “Be” part of their product names conjures a great Gestapo type vision in my mind, and it makes me laugh.

The shtick of this shot is that you drink it about an hour before meals and it helps to suppress your appetite so that you won't gorge yourself, as many of us are prone to do. I believe it's supposed to trick your body into thinking you're full with a burst of pineapple and cranberry fluid.

Let us start with the flavor. It's a shot, so everything tastes concentrated, which is to be expected. The concentrated pineapple and cranberry flavors are about where you would expect them to be, strong and intense. It's a shot, so you're just supposed to down the whole thing in one go, and the function matters more than the flavor. The problem is in the fact that it tastes like it was made with hose water, and then since it was a shot the hose water taste was also concentrated. I know they didn't actually use hose water, but that is what it tastes like and any saving grace that might have been in the flavor is completely out the window at this point.

As far as functionality goes, I downed this shot, and then an hour later I proceeded to eat an entire loaf of French bread in one sitting. I think it's safe to say that it didn't work very well for me. If there would have been more food around I'm pretty sure I would have kept going. Christ, I am a glutton.

Oh you hate energy drinks? First, "hate" is a strong word. Hate should only be assigned to things like racism, which should, in itself be abolished. Such a vague, ignorant statement, but I'm saying that the word "hate" should be more reserved than it is.

Secondly, you can now put an asterisk next to your previous ignorant statement because this doesn't taste like an energy drink. It is still an energy drink, yet it actually tastes pretty good. It tastes a little like everything and a lot like fruit punch. The acai is a little overpowering but not offensively. The pomegranate and blueberry are there but not really distinguishing enough to call them what they are.

Fruit distinction aside, this is good. It's light, not too sweet, and still a deceiving energy drink. You tricky bastard. You're going to accidentally make parents lose their mind because they're going to buy juice thinking it's just juice and they will read the fine print and quickly realize why their kids are just non-stop running around in circles constantly narrowly avoiding the grasp of the parent's hands. Sorry parents. Don't say that I didn't warn you.

No longer a one trick pony, Cheribundi has turned the world of cherries on its head yet again. Yes, they started with cherry only drinks. Then they had that little chocolate number that was pretty good. Now they've crossed the lines into the world of "regular" juices.

Drinking this makes me wonder why more companies don't use cherries. Cheribundi claim that each bottle of this stuff has twenty cherries in it. That's a lot of cherries. I don't think that I would eat twenty cherries in one sitting if I had a bushel of cherries at my disposal. This spoils me with its cherry intake.

How does it taste? It tastes like tart cherries but is "cut" with apple juice and sugar so it's not too tart. The raspberry is still in the mix even with the often overpowering cherry juice. If you are at all wondering, no, this doesn't taste like cough syrup so don't even think about that entry level cherry drink nonsense. Cheribundi has been consistently "Luden free" since I drank my first drink. They prove that it is possible to tame that wild beast and add a little raspberry pizzazz while they're at it.

If dogs had teeth like the dog on this they would be hunted for sport. I think the only things that have teeth like this are snakes and kids drawings of dinosaurs. Perfectly matched teeth that are insanely sharp and could cut through an arm or a leg as easily as it could a car tire.

Just looking at those teeth and the title of "orange bite" I was kind of hoping I would get some sort of orange ginger beer. Did I get that? No. I did not get that. What did I get? A pretty generic orange pop. Is that what I wanted? Not particularly.

Don't put such a fierce snake-a-saurus-dog on a bottle of something called "orange bite" and not give it that bit it deserves. If you've had orange pop before, you can cross this off you list.

Like sands through the hourglass, these are the Day's soda lines. Here we have the pride of Pennsylvania since 1946. That's 19 years previous to the release of Days of our Lives. It's rumored around the hills of Eastern PA that the show was created for a medium to run ads for the soda. Those people also think that a 14.4 dial up modem is modern technology, so I wouldn't put much stake to their claim.

Day's soda runs on the higher side of average sodas. They are similar to store brands, but they have a little extra something to them that make them a smidge better. For example, this bottle of cream soda is a bit smoother, and creamier than “generic” versions. It's obscenely sweet (90g of sugar in this bottle), but it's still very enjoyable. This is a soda that would be amazing in an ice cream float. Oh man, I wish I would have thought of that earlier when I had enough left in this bottle to make it a reality.

Never in my life have I tasted a pop that tasted "watered down" until now. It's not that the flavor is bad it just tastes a little weak, like the mix is off. It tastes as if they only had 75% of the ingredients to make a full batch and they decided, "Hey, you know...we're not going to do three quarters of a batch. That will cut into our profits. Let's just make a full one and hope no one notices."

Stretched out flavors aside, it's good. It has a decent bite with some good, sweet licorice flavor. It's as good as it can be and I think one thing that makes it better is looking at the still ultra attractive Elvira. You've still got it, girl. Now if your sponsor could spend as much time on their mix as you do on that shape of yours we'd have a delicious treat here.

This falls under the category of iced tea that doesn't taste like tea. It's sugar water with flavoring that is similar to tea. There is no way that “tea powder” could result in a beverage that actually tastes like real tea. This falls in the same category as Nestea and Brisk. Actually it tastes like someone made some tea at home from a powder mix and combined it with some Brisk. I'm sure that a majority of the consumers out there will like this just fine, but over the years of writing for Thirsty Dudes I've become a low level tea snob, and this really just doesn't cut it. I mean it's perfectly drinkable, but it's nothing like what I want an iced tea to be.

There is a battle in this bottle. It is a fierce battle like a 1993 WWF Royal Rumble. Folding chairs? Check. Eye gouging a'plenty. Why is there fighting? You've got coconut doing its chalky duty and the coffee latte doing its thing. As long as the bottle stays cold, latte wins and it's drinkable and pretty enjoyable, actually.

For a coconut drink, my well-documented not-favorite drink, I thoroughly enjoyed this. As a matter of fact, my buddy Dan and I nearly finished the whole bottle very quickly. Back and forth: a sip for me, a sip for you. We were waiting for the time where coconut reared its dominant head and started to taste like drinkable bleach. We rushed through it and it was great. You did it again, Zico. Now mix this and the chocolate and make a mocha. I want royalties on that idea. I'm serious. This review is time stamped. If you come out with it after this I have record that I came up with the idea first. Just send me a case when it comes out and we can go from there.

Step One: Buy a sugar free Red Bull.

Step Two: Buy a bunch of sucralose. In my world this would be tricky, because I believe it should be a controlled substance, but in reality you could probably pick some up at the corner store.

Step Three: Crack open the Red Bull and pour a heaping amount of the sucralose in it.

Step Four: Swirl it around.

Step Five: Take a sip.

Step Six: Make a weird face because this tastes way more diet than any other energy drink you've ever tried. So much in fact that the diet starts to overpower the chemical energy taste of candy.

Mission complete. You now know what sugar free Icon tastes like.

When I was in college, pretty exclusively now that I think about it, I ate a lot of oatmeal. It was cheap. Yes I ate my fair amount of ramen but that comes with the territory. Had I known that ten years later I would be drinking oats, I would tell you that would be disgusting. Was ignorant, uneducated, me right? Future, smart, attractive me says, "Eh, 70%."

What you've got is an artificially sweetened apple juice that tastes more like a weak cider than an apple juice which actually give it a better rating that if it were just apple juice flavored apple juice. Where did that extra 30% go? Well it's simple. If you artificially flavored plastic beads to taste like artificially sweetened, light apple cider, you would have it. I can't pinpoint what makes that true but it is as true as non-provable stats can be.

You were close Sneaky Pete, but you left the bottle in the sun too long and let it infuse itself into your drink.