Jason Draper - 2709 Reviews

Seriously, how many flavors does Gatorade have? Every time I think I know them all I turn around at a store and an unfamiliar face is staring up at me, just taunting. I think there were less than five varieties when I was a kid, and I was okay with that. Then they expanded their line and things got a little lighter, and I thought to myself, well that actually is much better. Now there are so many that I can't even keep track, and the thing is that unless I drink them side by side, a lot of them taste very similar.

A little research told me that as of now the Fit line is no longer in production, but that it should be back next year, after some reformulating/repackaging. With this line they were trying to ensnare gym rats into their empire. The entire line included a pre-workout protein bar, a fruit based protein drink for while you work out and these low calorie versions of their normal drinks for post gym time. For me that is far too much to worry about. I'll drink water when I work out, and occasionally a protein drink afterwards. Then again I'm not fanatical about the gym. I'm not trying to get ripped, just to stay in some moderate form of health.

So yeah, this line didn't quite catch on, but it tastes okay to me. It's low calorie, but they get there by mixing sucrose and stevia, so it doesn't have an overly diet taste. The stevia is there a little, but it's easily ignored. The beverage is clear, which is strange for Gatorade, but I understand they are trying to give the illusion of it being a better alternative to water while working out, and any sort of coloring in a drink would take away from that notion. The flavor is the lightest I've ever tasted in a Gatorade flavor. It's hard to distinguish the mango or passion fruit, since they are normally such prominent flavors. By dialing them back it gives the beverage a general tropical flavor that hints at each, but doesn't go overboard.

It's too bad that this line didn't catch on, well at least these post workout drinks. They make for a decent low calorie beverage that doesn't taste like poison.

I've spent the past few weeks trouncing around the Amazon collecting green tea. Sure, I could buy it in a store, or even grow it myself in some sort of green house, but if you ask me it never tastes quite right unless it's procured directly from the source. The thing is that well…€¦I'm sort of lost. Well, let me rephrase that, I was lost, but then I found the river and I have been following it back to the village I will be flying out of. Yancy, my top hat wearing llama, seems to be in good spirits and appears to have no qualms with carrying all the tea I've picked. I know from landmarks that we have about a days walk back to the village, so this whole fiasco hasn't been too big of a deal. My only real problem is that I am running low on the coconut water I brought with me for hydration. Sure, I have plenty of water, but I've become accustomed to the refreshment I can only achieve from the essence of the coconut.

I've come up with a solution. I am going to ration the coconut water I have and cut it with some green tea. It might not be the same, but at least I'll get a little quenching without being tempted to just down the rest of my rations. I am weak willed like that. Okay I have the mixture in two bottles now. One I shall drink post haste and the other I will save for the morning. Oh wow, this is ridiculously good. I feel like I'm still getting that special hydration from the coconut, but it mostly has the flavor of the green tea. I mean you can still taste the coconut water in there, but it's the tea that really shines. I really did put in just enough sugar. It was kind of a lot, but it really works well. I really can't believe how well this worked! I'm going to do this all the time now, it just means I have less coconut water to bring on my excursions, and that will make Yancy quite pleased. You know what? Screw tomorrow, I'm going to drink the other bottle now, and plod through the night.

I know that grinning is supposed to be a good thing. It's supposed to mean that you're happy, but there always seem something menacing behind it to me. I think that it's the bearing of the teeth that puts me on edge. It's like a more aggressive smirk, as if the person doing the grinning is going to just leap out at you and rip our your jugular with those teeth they are so keen on showing off. I don't know about you, but I don't want that happening to me. I like my jugular just fine in its current placement.

Now Grins Naturally Flavored Water on the other hand is definitely a good thing. It's got a bunch of vitamins in it and not too much sugar. Most importantly though is that unlike a lot of beverages in this wheelhouse it has the consistency and feel of actual water (well at least remotely). A lot of these companies call their drinks flavored water, but there is so much sugar and other junk in them that I would never in a million years associate them with H2O. While Grins does have sugar and a handful of other ingredients in it, it's way lighter than it's contemporaries, and that is something I can get behind. I'm so sick of the obscene amounts of sugar in drinks these days. I just want nice light drinks, and this works for me.

This flavor is citrus and it's heavy on the lemon lime side of that grouping, but there are some other fruits at work in there as well. Overall it's light, and it's smooth in a way that you can drink the whole bottle without really realizing it, at which point you look at it, and wish that it was larger. It is good that it isn't though , because let's face it as a nation we really need to learn portion control.

Children, come and join me. Sit around ye old fountain soda machine as I tell you a tale of woe and wonder. It all began last week when I received a note adhesed to my front door. Now this was no ordinary note, it was instructing me to head to my local postal office after 8am the following day in order to pick up a package. I was intrigued as I had no idea what could possibly be in said box. I assumed it was drinks, but what kind of magic elixir would it contain? Images of teas and fancy sodas danced the tango in my head all night long. It was quite a vision.

The next afternoon after completing my days work on the farm (printing shirts in the basement) I hopped upon my steed (behind the wheel of my car) and headed to my destiny. Upon arrival the building was void of customers and I made quick work of making my way to a clerk. I handed her the note that was on my door and she gave me a strange look as she asked for identification. Having left my official Thirsty Dudes badge back at the home front I presented her with my drivers license, which had an old address on it. Since the addresses did not match I was given a difficult time. I assured her that the package was for me. I showed her how the names matched, and I presented a health insurance card with the correct address listed. That is when the questions started: What was in the box? Why was it so heavy? Did I know there were shipping regulations? I told her that I had no idea what was in the box, and did an embarrassing explanation of what this site was all about. Explaining to an annoyed woman who is entering her twilight that you run a website that reviews non-alcoholic beverages makes you look like a bit of a maniac.

After a longer time than I would like to admit of trying to convince the clerk that I was who I said I was, that the package was for me and that I was not 100% sure what was in the package, the box was brought out from the back. It was completely covered in orange tape and as it was laid before me I noticed that its place of origin was Amsterdam. I know understood all of the hesitation and questioning; this woman thought I was getting marijuana shipped to me. Without thinking about it I let out a big “Oooohhhhhhh, you thought this was weed. I assure you it is not,” as if my word was all she needed, because you know drug dealers/buyers never lie.

I quickly took my leave of the post office made my way to my car and tore into the packaging with my pocketknife. Inside the box were not packages of Europe's finest “dank nugs,” instead it was filled with cans of Cannabis Energy Drink. I sat. I laughed. I pondered what I would do if there was in fact weed in the box. I then drove home, took some pictures and put a couple of cans in the fridge for later consumption.

Let me tell you boys and girls, it took me longer than I expected to actually drink a can. I had no reason to be up all night until yesterday. I popped a top, took a swig and said goodbye to a good night's sleep. I had expected my mouth to be filled with a fluid that tasted like iced tea filtered through rope; heavy on the rope with a touch of lemon, as that is what other hemp drinks I have had tasted like. Unfortunately, I got no rope. What I did get was a beverage that tasted very similar to the fruity generic classic energy drink flavor (is Red Bull). It's a flavor that I have come to love, so it wasn't necessarily a bad thing, I just hoped for something more from Cannabis, as it had such potential. There is hemp seed extract in the beverage, but it's not very apparent in the taste, not that I really know what it tastes like, but all I get is Red Bull, so I don't think there's really much there.

I will tell you that even though I tried to sleep more, I only got about 3 hours of sleep the night I drank this, so the energy aspect of it surely works, and my body hates them for how well it actually did. Now children I hope you don't have nightmares from this tale, but if you come and see me I will give you lighters and shirts that were also in the box from the Netherlands.

Normally I don't really like reviewing mix drinks, because I feel like I'm going to do something wrong and it won't taste the same as if it came out of a bottle or can. I usually leave them to Mike and Derek to review. When Gamma Labs sent us these samples, they send along a little mixer container to make sure you use the proper amount of water and whatnot, so I thought I'd give it a try. First thing I have to say is that it has one hell of a lemon lime flavor. It's so strong that I had to double check to make sure that I had in fact added enough water. It's strong, but it's a good lemon lime. It burns a little to drink it, but not as much as say a melted freezie pop would burn. I kept waiting for the gross diet flavor of sucralose to come through, but it never quite surfaces. It just hides underneath the waves of lemon and lime, until all of the flavor just mellows out in the aftertaste.

Overall I have to say that this is way better than I expected. The flavor is much stronger than most powder drinks, and it gets away without tasting overly diet, or like an energy drink. I have a very long night ahead of me, so here's to hoping this actually works.

The Buddha meditates under trees for long periods of time. He always starts the morning in the shade, but as the sun rises the sun ends up blaring on him and it gets hot, very hot. Let's face it he's also a big guy, so he sweats a lot. The Buddha knows it's important to keep hydrated, so he always keeps a cooler of coconut water with him, so he doesn't dry out and shrivel up.

He prefers to drink straight up coconut water with nothing added to it, but sometimes when he's not meditating into nothingness/everything he wants a little more and goes for some with a little mango juice in it. There's not a whole ton of juice added to it, but it's enough to give it a little flavor. The problem is the company he's sponsored by also adds some sugar to it. The Buddha knows it's unnecessary, but they don't put too much in, so it's not like it's sugar water masquerading as coconut water. It's simply mildly sweetened, lightly flavored coconut water that is a little chalky, but that's what you get with all decent coconut waters. It refreshes him like only coconut water and enlightenment can.

Did you know that in the original draft for Heart of Darkness the tale that Joseph Conrad told was very different? For one thing it took place in Ecuador and not Africa and secondly it had nothing to do with the ivory trade. Mr. Conrad was actually writing about his favorite tea, guayusa. Sure the general themes of savagery vs. civilization and racism were there, but the heart of the heart of darkness was tea. Ultimately it was decided that the subject of tea wasn't gripping enough the world over (the English loved it), and it was swapped out for ivory and you have the story we all know.

I for one don't give a rip about ivory. I mean sure I don't want to think of the death of elephants so that man can have nice piano keys. I do on the other hand love me some tea, and guayusa is absolutely wonderful. It's earthy with natural caffeine much like yerba mate. Runa makes it right. It's lightly sweetened with only 14g of sugar in a 14oz bottle. I would enjoy it unsweetened as well, but it's nice to have an option for a sweetened tea that doesn't taste like someone accidentally dropped the whole bag of sugar in it.

Now you know the secret behind a literary classic. Do you feel dirty, or are you just thirsty?

I have one simple request for the humans who populate this planet: Can we please just give up on bananas? Leave them to the chimps. We evolved from them; so let's get away from their favorite food as well. I know people are going to think it's a phallic thing, or that I have a problem with the texture, but those people are wrong. I'll eat cucumbers like a hand fruit all day long, and I have no problem with mushy foods. The way I incompetently make oatmeal makes it about the same consistency as them. The sad truth that people just need to accept is that bananas just taste disgusting. I don't get even a millisecond of enjoyment out of them. They even smell gross, like they are always in a state of decomposition. I know the potassium they provide is essential, but let's be honest science has progressed enough that we can get that vitamin in pill form without the grozz taste.

Mix 1 has joined the bastard fruit with a delicious one as is common in our culture. Strawberries are delicious, so of course people will use them to try and disguise the grossness of the banana, it's just too bad it never works and the precious strawberries are just wasted. This drink really has two strikes against it before I even tried it. Number one: it's a protein drink, which generally don't fare to well for the palate. I've already spent too much time on issue number two.

Upon trying this it was confirmed that I am not a fan. There is a decent strawberry flavor, and it has a nice sweetness. If it were just that then I think this would have been a pretty good protein shake, but that banana, that damn banana ruins it all. If you are a savage who has no taste buds and eat this green to yellow to brown fruit you just might enjoy this. Me, I'll be avoiding it.

I finally decided to start reading the Walking Dead comics. I've watched the television show, and have enjoyed it for what it is, but I really enjoy the comics. I'm about halfway through the run so far, and without giving away too many spoilers they have a garden. It's garden season in real life as well, and tons of my friends are all excited about it. There is a certain greatness to growing your own food, and when the apocalypse is upon us I'm sure I'll be doing some myself, but at this moment of readily stocked grocery stores, I don't have the patience to keep up with a garden. We had a semi decent garden at our house last year (that I planted, but others took care of) and one thing I noticed was that the vegetables it produced didn't have all that long of a shelf life when not refrigerated. Now the folks in the comic have a gigantic garden to provide most of their sustenance, but what happens at the end of the season? They are going to be stuck with a whole mess of food that is going to rot away as there is only so much food that you can consume. What a bummer. Note to self: winter during the apocalypse is probably the worst thing ever. It's freezing, it's boring and there is no fresh food. I bet 95% of post apocalypse deaths occur during the winter; natural and suicide related.

So here I am drinking this juice thinking about food wasting away at the end of the world. I'm having a real upbeat day. I did figure that juicing some of your leftover vegetables would probably be a good option. It would still go bad, but probably not as fast, and for those who want to forget the woes of Armageddon it would probably turn alcoholic.

When that time comes for me I shall use this bottle of Bolthouse Farms as a beginning blueprint for how to make my juice. Actually I will use it more for reference on what not to add to it. Number one on the “no fly” list would be celery. Sure it has a couple of benefits, but I don't think they will be necessary in the environment I'll be in and the flavor of this particular vegetable is just too overpowering. There is only 1/3 of a cup of celery in this bottle and it's all I can smell/a good deal of what I can taste. Secondly I wouldn't add much fruit to it. I would leave the fruit for it's own juice, leave it out of my vegetables. Sugary vegetables are not for me, especially the green variety; I want to be able to taste their leafiness.

So what Bolthouse has is a juice that is a bit too sweet for a vegetable juice and a little heavy on the celery side. Remove those problems and what you would have is the base of this, which is a delicious leafy mixture of kale, spinach, romaine and cucumber with a hint of lemon to add a little something-something. It has a bunch of vitamins in it and it's pretty healthy for you. That celery though, man that just kind of ruins it all for me. Now back to reading about people, because that is what the Walking Dead really boils down to: a story about how people interact that just happens to be in a zombie ridden world.

Detroit is one hell of a town, and by that I mean it's kind of hell. It's a burnt out city (not unlike Buffalo), but it doesn't have the nature side to it that my hometown does. It's just endless neighborhoods that look like they should appear at the end of some apocalypse movie. I'm not one to generally feel unsafe in my surroundings, but I'm always looking for an escape route in any given situation in that city. On top of that it has the most torn up highway that I have ever experienced, but I guess that's most of Michigan and not just Detroit-centric.

A shining light through the dreariness that is the Motor City is that it is the home to Faygo. Now I know this company gets a lot of bad press outside of Michigan, because of the culture that has co-opted it, but let me tell you there are certainly some gems in their lineup ad Faygo Gold is one of them.

The company has a long running ginger ale in their repertoire, and it is not that bad. It's a general ginger ale like you would find in any generic brand. This though, this is something different. They don't even call it ginger ale. Instead it is “bubbly sweet ginger soda,” and I can think of no better description. It's not exactly a ginger ale, it has more of an actually ginger taste to it. It's also not a ginger beer because it's not intense. It has a subtle burn that it greatly appreciated, but it also has a very specific sweetness, that just does it for me. This is way sweeter than I normally like my soda, but something about the little bit of burn and the amount of sugar works perfectly. Faygo has done well in giving hope to the citizens of Detroit. Now we just need Robocop to clean up the city so civilization can begin anew.

In honor of the name of this company I am going to make my ladyfriend drag out her old cheerleading outfit to celebrate. No you fools, she will not be donning the clothes. It will be this full-grown bearded man. I'll even get a wig with pigtails if it pleases the folks at Pom. You see, this juice is that good. I derived so much pleasure from drinking this that I will put on an ill fitting skirt and tank top type thing, grab some pom-poms and do a little chant dance to announce that it's glory has arrived on the beverage scene.

Pom is no stranger to having mango in their juice. A couple of years ago I reviewed their pomegranate mango. While that was a nice treat, they have done nothing but improve the recipe for this newer version. The old flavor was more pomegranate than mango and it was fairly harsh on the throat. In this bottle it's perfect splitsville. 40% pomegranate juice, 40% mango juice/puree, and the extra little bits are spread out between pear juice and natural flavoring. The flavors blend together in such a harmony that it's like an Oak Ridge Boys tune. They are singular and complementary at the same time.

I really couldn't ask for more from this. All I can do it give, and I shall do so in the form of a cheer. A cheer that you will never hear.

This is one of those rare times where I give a beverage that I did not enjoy a great rating. I couldn't get through more than a few sips of this tea, but that is my problem, not Harney & Sons. If I were a person whose taste buds were in love with coconut (the meat of the fruit, not the water/milk), I would be all over this. It's sad that it turns out I don't have the palate for the stuff. This is a high quality green tea with a little vanilla and even less ginger added to it. Had that been the end of it, I would drink this all the live long day, but there is that previously mentioned coconut in there that just turns me off. The thing is if you are someone who does enjoy that sort of tropical delight, this is probably one of the best teas you could find on the market.

There are a bunch of teas on the market that claim to be lightly sweetened, and that just means it's what should be a normal amount of sugar added, instead of the insane amounts that most tea companies use. Harney & Sons make no such claim, but this tea is the definition of lightly sweetened in my world. There is a little cane sugar and a little honey in here, but it only equals 5g of sugar. It's enough to combat the bitterness of the green tea, but not enough so that it's completely nonexistent. This is a tea that you could drink obscene amounts of and not feel terrible for having done so.

It should also be noted that even though I don't like the coconut I'm powering through this, because everything else in it just tastes that good.

Last night as I was purchasing a loaf of Italian bread and an avocado for some late night hangout snacks (yes I ate almost all of it myself, and yes it was delicious.) I saw that Goya had ventured into the “Vitamin Water” world with a new line of drinks called Hydro Health. The cashier told me that Goya has been going crazy and is making everything these days. She was dumbfounded that they now made baby food and these drinks. That was all of the examples I was given, so I can only assume that Goya has two new product lines. Perhaps two=everything in some worlds.

It seems that for the entire Hydro Health line Goya decided to forgo cane sugar or high fructose corn syrup, and kept them all zero calories. They did so by using erythritol and stevia, so that it would be zero calories and all natural. The end result turned out surprisingly well. It doesn't taste overly diet at all. In one of those blind taste tests that were all the rage in the 80's I bet a good majority of the participants wouldn't even realize this was diet. It may be the most un-diet diet beverage I have ever tried.

This is just as good as any Vitamin Water or any of the other similar brands out there. It's a little light on the flavor, but I actually prefer it that was. It's supposed to be a water drink, so I don't want it to taste like a mouthful of sweetener and artificial flavor. It's light and it's smooth. It has more of a generic tropical taste rather than a heavy guava or passion fruit, but I can look past it since it's so refreshing.

Glaceau has somehow figured out a way to make sucralose sweetened beverages not taste like the third circle of Dante's diet hell. This still tastes a bit off, but it doesn't have that gross chemical taste to it. Perhaps it's all the added vitamins and the like that do a nice job covering it up.

This does not contain a single drop of actual juice, but they did a decent job replicating the flavors in their laboratory. Even though this beverage isn't syrupy at all the flavor tastes like a syrup. If that made any sense to you then we are on the same wavelength and I think I may feel sorry for you. It's the kind of drink that helps wean people onto diet drinks. I could see myself drinking this a bunch and slowly becoming desensitized to that gross diet flavor. This could help a lot of people, well they may get cancer or something from artificial sweeteners, but at least they won't be obese.

Every time this happens I am always shocked. You crack open an energy drink, take a big sip and are taken aback when it is not carbonated. Yes I know that the can says, “non carbonated” at the bottom, but I'm a shoot first, ask questions later kind of guy. I like to try my drinks with only a cursory glance at the packaging, so there are no preconceived notions about the experience.

This is a sugar free, zero calorie energy drink and for being that it's pretty good. The diet taste isn't very strong. It's a fruit punch that is slightly on the tropical side of the line, but it's also on the lighter side of most fruit punch. It's like Hawaiian Punch with some pineapple and other tropical fruits thrown into the mix, but not nearly as thick consistency wise. It's a nice change of pace from the regular energy drink crowd, something that I might look into again.

I am a simple man, and I enjoy the simple things in life. Logic dictates that since they contain very few ingredients and no attitudes that I should enjoy Blue Print's juice beverages, and I'm not one to argue with logic. This drink is wonderful is it's simplicity. Let me break this down for you. It's essentially lemonade that is made from filtered water with organic lemons squeezed into it. Since that would be a bit on the tart side, a healthy dose of agave nectar is added to the mix. I have no doubt that this would be a fine lemonade indeed, but Blue Print wanted to take things a bit further, so they also added in some limejuice. I've obviously had lemonade before, and I've even tried a few limeades, but I have never had them combined, and I must tell you they work much better in this fashion than when combined in a soda. The folks at Blue Print still weren't completely sold on their beverage. Sure it was delicious, and the marriage of the fruits made it stand out a bit, but what this drink needed was a bit of a kick. The only logical solution to this dilemma was to add our old friend ginger to the mix. That my friends is how Blue Print hit a home run with this beverage. The ginger is right up there with the lemon. It's got a little bit of a burn, but I don't believe it's enough to turn anyone off from the drink, it's just enough to make you go “OHHH!” and dive right back in for another sip.

My only complaint about this drink is the hefty price tag. It's $8 for a 16oz beverage with low cost ingredients. I know that their other beverages have a bunch of different fruits and vegetables in them, and that they are raw, and as fresh as prepackaged juice can be, but I could go to a juice bar and not spend that much on a drink that I watch them juice before my eyes. As much as I enjoy this I just can't justify paying that much, so there is very little chance that I will return to this flavored well.

Okay guys, which one of you pulled this prank on me? You know I take my protein intake seriously. I mean how else am I supposed to get ripped so I can be a superhero look alike on the street for tips? One of you jerks obviously emptied out my protein drink and replaced it with a melted McDonalds milkshake. There is no way that this is not a McDonalds vanilla shake that was left out of the counter, and then put in the fridge to cool it down. It tastes identical to that. So, not only have you denied me my crucial protein, but you've also given me the least healthy dessert beverage of all time. Thanks, jerks. Now I'll never get to look like Thor for $7 in tips an hour. I'm never going to be able to pay off my student loans for medical school.

I just had a four-day escape to the woods. My friend Kevyn and I rented a cabin in the mountains and had a glorious long weekend of hiking, kayaking and heading to beaver dams at dusk to watch them work on their dams. It was exactly what I needed to just decompress. At one point we took a trip into town to get a couple of provisions and I saw this bottle of Bing. I had had the cherry version before, but blackberry was totally new to me. I was in the market for some juice, and I thought this would do just fine. It wasn't until after I started drinking it and started reading the packaging did I realize that it was actually a natural energy drink. It took me reading it to realize it was an energy drink, as it tasted nothing like one. I believe that is because it doesn't have taurine or any other chemicals in it to give you a boost. It's all B vitamins, caffeine, ginko biloba and ginseng. It really just tastes like sparkling juice.

Okay, to be fair the sugar in it makes it taste more like a soda than sparkling juice, even though there are only 8g of sugar in this can. It's a mixture of blackberry and cherry juice, and each sip is heavier on one over the other. It's a crapshoot for which one you're gonna get, but both are great, so it doesn't matter.

Unfortunately they felt the need to add sucralose right at the end of the ingredient list. Even though there is such low amounts you can still taste it a bit, and it distracts you from the flavor. Other than that this is great, and if you want a natural energy drink this is the way to go.

When I hear the phrase “fruit water” I immediately think of a giant glass water cooler in the foyer of a hotel in a tropical area. The water cooler is filled with…€¦well water of course, but floating in that water is a delicious medley of tropical fruits that give the water a hint of the glory of your surroundings. Of course as you drink it a toucan flies over and lands on your shoulder and someone says to you, “Hey let's go surfing!”

I obviously knew that this beverage was going to be nothing like that, but that is the vision in my head, and I would like to submit that idea to the development departments of all the major beverage companies. Water that has had fruit soaked in it. No sweeteners or anything else added. It's what the world craves.

While Glaceau did not look into my hopes and dreams they did create a sparkling fruit drink that actually contains no juice. I don't want to be all picky here, but folks, let's face it this is a diet soda. It's water, it's carbonated, it has a sweetener added and it has a flavor. That's soda pop in my world folks. I actually think that is the textbook definition.

When you look at it that way, this is one of the best diet sodas I have ever tasted. I find it straight up enjoyable. There is something about the orange/mango flavor that combats the taste of the sucralose and makes it taste more natural. I know the flavors are fake, but it really does taste like mangos and oranges were used to make this drink, and I can down a bottle without feeling shame about it. You're onto something with this Glaceau, now just take some of those vats of Smart Water and dump a mess of fruit into them before you bottle it. You can thank me later.

Okay class, let's get the giggling out of the way. Yes, this drink is called Bawls, but you are in seventh grade, and you should be mature enough to be able to handle this lecture as well as the one on V-Blast that I have planned for this afternoon. It's 2013, you all lost your virginity at 11 right? Ugh, that's a gross thought. Kids, the internet is ruining your childhoods. Go outside. Explore. Cause some mischief. If you do those things you'll have a much happier life. Don't be in such a hurry to be an adult. Look at your parents and your friend's parents; do any of them look happy? Of course not, being an adult sucks. Responsibilities suck. Stay a kid, the things you have to worry about are nothing compared to what you'll have to deal with when you're older.

Okay back to the lesson. In the beginning there was Jolt. It was cola with excessive amounts of caffeine in it, so that kids like you could stay up late, sneak out and cause trouble. It was something, but it was nothing compared to the Red Bull craze of the 2000s. In between the two Bawls rose to modest fame. It was/is an energy drink that is powered by guarana and caffeine. More important than what the drink was is the fact that it came in these rad glass bottles with little nubs on them. They feel interesting in your hand, and it's just fun. Eventually they expanded their line. One of the flavors they expanded with was cherry.

Most guarana flavored sodas have a bubble gum style flavor like kola champagne. Luckily with Bawls that is not the case. The flavor is there a hint, but it's not overly sweet and overpowering. This tastes like someone made a Shirley Temple with an the original Bawls instead of ginger ale. It has a more maraschino cherry flavor than a cherry soda flavor. The result of it all is that it is wonderful and will give you a little energy boost without all of the weird chemicals that most modern energy drinks have in them.

There's the bell. I will see you all after lunch when we will continue our history of beverages section of the curriculum.