Derek Neuland - 489 Reviews

Great, they did it again! Here I am, just a run-of-the-mill tactical armored robotic pontoon (everyone calls me TARP), sitting in the water. 2:00pm rolls around, which is my refueling time. It's easily the highlight of my day since I have never seen battle. Everyone knows i get 3 quarts of premium grade fuel. It's in my manual, on the sign on the dock, and I've even made sure everyone in the troop gets a twitter update about it at 1:30pm everyday. The guys who have been on base for a few years, they know better. They are aware of what I'm capable of. It's these new recruits, these "hot shots" fresh out of the academy that love to pull pranks on me.

The latest prank they like to pull is giving me this energy drink, Troop Fuel, instead of my request premium grade stuff. Don't get me wrong; this stuff isn't bad at all. It tastes a lot like Red Bull, but not as bitter tasting. Why do I know what Red Bull tastes like? Another prank. See, these guys know energy drinks get me going crazy. I'm used to sitting still in this water all day, so an energy drink gets me all wired. This Troop Fuel is definitely doing the trick. If I weren't chained to this dock, I'd be zipping around this lagoon.

A couple weeks ago I tried to sneak into an Insane Clown Posse show here in Buffalo. You are probably asking yourself "Why?" Well, I thought it would be an incredible people watching experience. Sadly I couldn't get in, but a few friends and I hung out in the lobby/bar area of the show. Let me tell you it was quite a show in itself; From the 60 different shirt designs they were selling to the guy dressed in a full jester costume. Incredible!

The best part was once the show started, they played it on the big screen in the bar area. I was surprised how minimal their stage set up was. The only things on stage were three big barrels full of 2 liter bottles of, you guessed it, Faygo. In the 10 minutes we watched the show before we were kicked out for not having a ticket, they must have sprayed the crowd with over 60 liters of pop.

I'm sure among all those liters there was a few bottles of cherry cola. Do juggalos drink the Faygo as it's sprayed onto them? That's something I've always wondered. Anyways, this tastes like your run-of-the-mill cherry cola. There is a good mix of cherry and cola, but it's nothing special. I'm sure it's really good at smearing face paint when it's shot out of a
Supersoaker though. It probably doesn't taste as good mixed with the face paint though.

Jones soda is the middle child of pop. It's been around for a while, but it's not old and respected like the oldest child (Pepsi/Coca-Cola). But at the same time, it's not as exciting as new and upcoming sodas. It's often forgotten about in favor of the flavor of the month, or the old standbys. I've overlooked it many times because in the back of my head I think, "It will always be there". Someday, maybe it won't be. Maybe the middle soda child will get so sad after being pushed aside for so many years that it will run away.

I don't want that to happen, which is why I picked up this bottle. Upon taking the first sip, I remembered that Jones rarely disappoints me. Despite the blue color, this tastes like a blackberry. It's really tart from the lemonade, which is nice. Despite it being pop, I think this would be really refreshing on a hot day. I can't be for certain as I was drinking this in an air-conditioned room.

Jones, please don't run away. We love you!

Hello everybody, we're reporting live from somewhere. I'm not sure where we are because I can't see a damn thing. I just got this promotion to news reporter last week and this is my first time in the field. They didn't tell me where they were taking me, just said it would be "unforgettable". Well I definitely won't forget standing outside in the middle of a hurricane. What's that? Oh this is considered a cyclone, but isn't yet a hurricane? Either way, it sucks! I wore my nice suit today because I wanted to look nice on camera and now this rain has ruined it.

Looking back to an hour ago, I should have known this was going to happen. Jim wouldn't let me see what the weather was like on the coast because he was being a jerk. Plus, he gave me this Cyclone energy shot and told me they were out of coffee. What kind of TV station runs out of coffee? That's absurd! That's what interns are for, to go to the store and get more coffee. But I digress...

This energy shot actually wasn't that bad. I had one once before when I was in college during finals week. It really worked! This one seems to be working too. The taste is pretty good too. It's like a tart cherry syrup flavor. Oh great, a tree branch just knocked the rest of the energy shot out of my hand. Luckily we weren't rolling. What? We've been live this whole time? I thought you were just checking your levels!? Great, now I'm going to get letters from people saying that I littered and my mom is going to think I'm on drugs. She thinks anything besides water is bad for you to drink. Okay, we're done here!

For the longest time, I couldn't enjoy unsweetened tea. I always need my iced to taste like fruit and sugar. Sometimes one would question if what I was drinking were actually tea. Probably not, I think most sugary iced teas are more water and sugar with a hint of instant tea powder.

Skip forward many years and I'm living in a house in Portland called the Lemon Bomb. It was named the Lemon Balm, but people kept saying it as 'bomb' so they changed it. A friend once drew a great picture of a grenade/lemon hybrid. Anyways, previous tenants of the house had amassed a good collection of loose tea and everyone in the house enjoyed them. Everyone that is, except me. One day, I decided to be adventurous and went through all the little mason jars and picked out a few scoops of 3 or 4 of the best smelling ones. I put them in a pot of boiling water and 10 minutes later I had the best unsweetened tea I've ever had. It was that moment that made me realize that all unsweetened tea isn't bad.

This tea isn't quite as incredible as my own concoction, but it's still really good. It has a nice light and crisp taste to it. My palette isn't accustomed to unsweetened teas yet, but this has guava leaves and ginseng in it along with the Oolong tea. Thank you Sokenbicha for helping me on my journey into the unsweetened tea world.

When I saw the name of this company, I was really hoping the logo would be an awesome drawing of a huge angry hornet sinking its stinger into someone and killing them. I feel like that would compliment the name Killer Buzz a lot better than their current can design. Don't get me wrong; it's nice and classy design. To me, it looks more like a sophisticated sparkling juice than an energy drink.

Like most energy drinks, this is a total mock Red Bull taste. It's good because I like the taste of Red Bull. It's definitely working because I am currently listening to the mellow sounds of Eluvium and now I want to listen to something more upbeat. Score one for Killer Buzz!

Flavored water? No thanks. It usually tastes gross to me unless it's really sugary like vitamin water. You're telling me this has no calories, no sugar, no sweeteners, just water and natural flavors? That sounds like it's going to be really bland and boring. But this "Pure Cool" name is kind of intriguing. Okay, I'll give it a try.

Hmmm, it has a slight berry taste but it's more of an afterthought. Wait, what is this? It suddenly feels like a blizzard in my mouth. It's not like a peppermint cool, it's a smooth cool, and feels like you're breathing in really cold air. It's weird, but a really awesome sensation. I stopped caring that this doesn't taste like berry or pomegranate at all, this after taste is amazing! I hope I can find more flavors to try them all.

Fikes used to be THE ghetto iced tea of choice among my friends for a long time. They were 69 cents for a little jug of it and was only available at a gas station on the corner of Main and Winspear in Buffalo. They changed their label at one point and for the longest time I hung onto an empty jug of it. I wish I still had it.

Anyways, as Jason mentioned in the Mountainberry review, Fikes is now Marburger Farm Dairy. Sure it doesn't have the same classic label, but it's still delicious. I bought this at the same gas station as Jason and I could have sworn I saw Franklin Mercer coming out of the store as I was entering. It sent chills down my spine. Anyways, this flavor is great. It tastes like iced tea mixed with a melted freezie pop. Even for a tea made with high fructose corn syrup, this is great! I just wish I had stocked up on more while I was in Zelienople.

Jay and I recently stopped at a great store in Sewickley, PA called Village Candy. We ended up spending over $80 on pop and talking with the owner for over an hour. It was great and I already can't wait to go back. I had exhausted all the root beer I could find to review in Buffalo so I was happy to see they had a really good selection.

This bottle was among the 12 different bottles of pop I bought. It's a really hearty root beer. It's not super heavy, but it definitely isn't smooth. It has a lot of flavor to it and has a really good bite to it. I can't really taste the molasses but that doesn't mean it's not great. If this is what root beer tastes like in "Olde Rhode Island", I want to go back to that time!

Hydrive is slowly becoming my favorite non-carbonated energy drink. For being in a market full of carbonated drinks, they really needed to step up the game to stand out. First, the tall slender bottles are not used often. Plus, they are really good to hold while drinking. Secondly, it's only 30 calories a bottle and this is almost 16 oz! Even though this is a low calorie drink, it doesn't have a diet taste to it at all, which is great.

Speaking of taste, for an energy drink, this is awesome! It has no chemical taste to it at all. It's basically like Vitamin Water with a blend of energy giving ingredients. I'm only half the way through the bottle and I can already tell it works. I was yawning before I opened it up but now I'm wide awake and ready to be productive. Since it's not full of sugar and calories, I actually feel good after drinking this.

Dear TropiKing,
I found your aloe drink in a small Asian market near my house and was excited to try you. I love aloe and pomegranate so I thought this would be a winning combo. Man was I disappointed. For one, it barely tastes like pomegranate. Instead it tastes like a mediocre grape/apple juice. Secondly, the aloe chunks are way too small. As Jay said when I told him this, "go big or go home."

This is my 2nd time around with this energy shot. The first time I was testing it out to see if it was actually an "All Day" energy. Verdict: nope. About three hours after I drank it I was feeling a little tired. It worked well for a short period, but definitely not 'all day'.

Now the taste; kind of reminds me of sour berry cough syrup. It's not the worst energy shot I've had, but certainly not the best. Good thing it's small and the taste doesn't linger for too long.

I was pretty skeptical at first when I saw this bottle. I don't think I've ever seen a watermelon drink, let alone any juice that is completely clear. Then I took a look at the ingredients, the first two are purified water and organic cane sugar. When the first sign of juice is #3 on the ingredients list, I am weary, and rightfully so. This tastes like sugar water with a hint of watermelon flavor. I suppose this is good for people who want a light watermelon juice, but I'm not one of them. When I think juice, I want tons of flavor. This is like watermelon sugar water. No thank you.

Fighting dragons is hard work. I've been up until sunrise everyday this week protecting my village from them. My chain mail is starting to chafe my body. Have you ever worn chain mail for 5 days straight without changing? Let me tell you, it's not comfortable. I'd rather bathe myself down river from the latrine than have to wear chain mail this long. I'm out here all alone because no one else is willing to stand up to these dragons. Hold on, here comes another one now...

*20 minutes later*

Oh god, did see the size of those spikes? Brutal! He got my arm pretty good, pieced right through my armor. Oh man this smarts! You don't have any healing potion on you do you? Jones Potion of Healing? Hmmm, never heard of that brand. Is that the stuff that made William of Norwood go blind? Okay good, because I need my sight to fight dragons.

*Pours a little on his wound and then takes a sip*

Mmmm, not bad. Much better than the last healing potion I had. It tasted like dragon pee. How do I know what dragon pee tastes like? We'll leave that story for another time. This is much better than expected. It has a nice, but light, black cherry taste. What? It's sugar free too? I can taste that a little, but it's definitely better than most sugar free healing potions I've had before. Aside from the taste, I'm not sure how good of a healing potion this is. My arm is still bleeding pretty badly. I think I need to lie down for a minute. Wake me up if any more dragons come.

Welcome to the annual American Academy of Taste championship race. We have five strong energy drink competitors but only one can take home the gold. And we're off! Red Bull takes an early lead with Monster trailing behind and Rockstar in third. Red Bull's legs are already getting weak and Monster sneaks into first. Oooooh! Rockstar trips around the 2nd bend and is down and out which gives Amp the 3rd place spot. Monster has a big lead coming into the third turn, but what's this? Go Fast Sports is quickly catching up to the pack. He was in 4th place the whole race so far we almost forgot he was racing. He over takes Amp and Red Bull on the 3rd turn and is on the heels of Monster. This is going to be close. They are neck and neck! The crowd is going wild, who's it going to be!? Wow! That was too close to call. We have to go to the instant replay. And the judges say.....Go Fast Sports is the winner!!!! What a surprising turn of events seeing as no one had heard of Go Fast Sports at the beginning of this race.

I have never heard of the American Academy of Taste, but apparently they awarded this drink a Gold Metal in Superior Taste. I don't really understand what their criterion is or why they would do such a thing. Don't get me wrong this is much better than a lot of energy drinks. It has that melted sugary candy taste (this time it's sweet tarts) that I've come to love in energy drinks. Other than that, it's nothing special. It still has that usual energy drink aftertaste. As far as the energy portion goes, it definitely works. I was feeling a little sleepy before I opened the can and now I'm awake and ready to celebrate Thirsty Tuesday.

Dad, can you hand me a root beer? What, how are you out of root beer? I guess you got a point there. It's kind of hard not to drink Dad's Root Beer when you are the dad. You made something besides root beer? A cream soda? I wasn't expecting that. I could see Dad's Birch Beer or Dad's Sarsaparilla, but I never thought you'd make Dad's Cream Soda. Sure, I'll try one.

Wait, why is this blue? Who ever heard of Blue Cream Soda? It looks like windshield washer fluid. Hmmm, it doesn't smell like chemicals. Bottoms up! Oooh, that's a nice smooth cream soda. Good work Dad! It reminds me a lot of the Crush Soda Mousse. It has a nice cotton candy and vanilla taste to it.

This goes to show you just because a company is known for one kind of pop, doesn't mean they can't make other quality flavors/varieties.

I had high hopes for this drink. Zico has had a good track record so far and made us Thirsty Dudes give coconut water another shot. On top of that, pomegranate is one of my favorite fruits. Both are fairly tropical so I figured this would be a good combo, right?

Meh. I wouldn't go as far as saying it's a bad combo, but it's not amazing. This has more of a coconut water flavor, but not a whole lot pomegranate (or berry) flavor to it. There is a slight fruit after taste, but not as much as I would have hoped. This is still one of the best coconut waters I've had, but when something is flavored I assume it's going to be a strong flavor and not just a hint.

When I told Mike and Jay I found this can for 60 cents at Big Lots, they wished me lucked. Unbeknownst to me, Jay had previously reviewed a mango drink from the same company and it wasn't anything to write home about. I was hoping since this was an iced tea it might be better, but nope, not at all. This is pretty generic tasting lemon iced tea. There is nothing special about this except for the can. For cheap iced tea, I'll be sticking with Arizona tall boys.

I really enjoyed the last Kato drink I had, so I've been waiting to try this flavor. I forgot this was a nata de coco drink, and not aloe like I first thought it was. I like nata de coco, but not as much as aloe. The chunks are harder, and chewier. In comparison, aloe is really squishy and needs no chewing at all.

The lychee flavor in this is nice, but not amazing. It's not too sweet which is nice seeing as I wanted a thirst quenching drink on this hot day. It had the consistency of a watery juice.

I must be weird. Okay, I know I'm weird for a lot of reasons. I more meant in reference to the face that I love sodas that taste like bubble gum. I handed this can to 3 other people and all of them thought it was disgusting. While it's not the best bubble gum soda I've had, it still tasted good to me. I don't think it's an acquired taste because I liked cola champagne the first time I tried it. I guess it just goes back to the fact that I'm weird. Oh well.

Thanks goes to Jessica Pizza for being my lovely hand model for this drink. I was having the hardest time finding a good place in the sunlight to take a picture of the can and she stepped up and helped me out.