Jason Draper - 2709 Reviews

Do you remember the Lightning Seeds song “Pure”? Chances are you have no idea what I'm talking about. They were a band from the early 90's that sounded more like they should have been from the 80's. The main guy was in Big In Japan and produced some Echo & the Bunnymen records. Now that you have had your music lesson for the day that you didn't ask for and couldn't care less about, I will tell you my reasons for bringing them up. If I were Love Beets and for some unknown reason I decided that the masses were ready to accept beets in a big way, and a commercial was on the horizon, I would most definitely use Pure as the background music. It's slower, yet upbeat and it would work perfect with slow motion footage of people hanging out and drinking beet juice in various scenarios. The song just popped in my head when I was drinking this, and it's probably because of the line “Pure and simple every time.” You see the only ingredients in this beverage are beet juice, ginger juice and lemon juice concentrate (as a natural stabilizer). Lover Beets surely is both simple and pure and on top of that it's delicious.'

It has the sweet earthy flavor of beets as that is what makes up 93% of the juice. The thing is that in the aftertaste where beet juice generally gets a really almost dirt taste, the ginger steps in and covers that up nearly completely. It also gives it a nice little burn, but nothing too intense. There's really not much else to say about this as it really is a simple beverage that is the sum of its parts in the best way. As for Lightning Seeds, I'll forgive them for ripping off New Order for the solo in Pure. I mean it's a great guitar line in both songs.

I had anticipated this being completely horrible. Even drinks that are sweetened with real sugar that are this particular hue of blue usually spell trouble. They are always overly sweet and taste only of sweetener and nothing of the flavor they are meant to be. This really doesn't stray too far from that equation, but at least Claire Baie didn't go overboard with the sucralose. I mean it's surely there in all its weird and unlikable ways for those who are not used to it, but it's not the only thing I taste. There is the general diet lemonade along with a vague berry flavor on top of that. I personally didn't enjoy it very much, but there must be a large group of people out there who drink and enjoy these diet sparkling drinks because there are more than enough companies pumping them out. I'm sure those people would find it enjoyable enough.

Unfortunately I think this company is running on nostalgia and not much more. I for one was more excited than I should have been when I heard that new York Seltzer would be hitting the shelves again after a long absence. The thing is that when I used to drink it, I didn't have much of a relationship with soda outside of the big names and store brand. This seemed special at the time, but now it just tastes average. This is like someone took a survey of what a hundred people thought root beer tasted like and used the results to make this soda. It definitely has a root beer flavor, but it comes off as generic. This is a lighter soda version of root beer barrel candies.

I didn't mean to come off so negative with this review. There is nothing bad about it, and I would happily drink it again. It's just a little too on the nose, when I had expected so much more. Nostalgia will be the death of us.

When it comes to cherry juice, Cheribundi does not mess around. Those days of thinking that everything cherry either tastes syrupy or medicinal are long gone. It's like walking out into an orchard and filling your stomach with cherries you picked right from the tree. They have tried their hand at mixing cherries with tea, chocolate and other fruits (all with great results), now they are expanding into the world of relaxation drinks. Yet again, they have not failed to deliver.

Did you know that cherries naturally contain melatonin? I certainly did not, but it's good to know. Unlike some relaxation drinks that are just meant to calm you down and focus, this one is more for sleepy time. You've got your specific tea for that when the weather is cold, but in the summer when you don't want a hot beverage you can now reach for a bottle of this.

The only things in this bottle are tart cherry juice, water, L-theanne (tea extract) and reb a (stevia). I honestly had no idea that there was stevia in here at all, and that is saying something since I can normally spot it a mile away. The taste of the cherries completely overpowers it. This is how zero calorie sweeteners should be used. You'll have to excuse me now I can hear my pillow calling.

What am I, an amateur? I started drinking this juice before I remembered to take a picture of it. That's a rookie move, and I've been on this job for far too long to be pulling crap like that. Perhaps Old Man Literman will finally fire me this time. Can you be fired from an equal partnership? Would it have to be a hostile takeover? Should I get some tactical pants and stock up on paintballs in order to defend myself on the field of glory? That's how hostile takeovers work, right? The bigwigs all meet up at the paintball place and just have it out? If so I'm calling you out and I'm taking you down Mike. You're not taking my company from me, just because I forgot to take a picture until I was halfway through a juice that wasn't as good as I wanted it to be. Sure, I knew it was called “Greens,” but I wanted it have a strong vanilla and apple flavor with the beneficial greens kind of hiding in the background. Yeah, the apple and vanilla are both there, but so are the kale, flaxseed and spirulina. Actually this is pretty good. My brain was ready for one thing and was presented with another. The thing is that other thing isn't bad at all. I bet if I got another bottle of this I would love it because I would know what to expect. This is the kind of juice that you would be served in a juice bar, and not the kind that normally comes prepackaged. I'm into it though. Actually, it's pretty great. I will use the health benefits to help me wipe the paintball arena with that chump I call a partner. We'll see if his years of Laser Tag training has gotten him ready for the big time.

How do people do it? How do people drink diet drinks on the regular? I've been told that you get used to it, but I really just can't see that happening. They taste so unnatural to me. Whenever I drink something that has sucralose in it I feel like I'm drinking from a bottle that has a Mr. Yuck sticker on it from when I was a kid. It just doesn't get better for me.

This bottle of Sparkling Ice at least uses lemon juice from concentrate that helps fight the poison a bit. I don't know where the lime taste comes from, but it's a bit like a watered down Freezie Pop. Neither of those flavors are quite strong enough to overpower the sucralose taste though. I wish they were, because I think this could be strangely good instead of just good for diet.

I don't think there is a Southerner out there who could make a complaint about this tea. I understand sweet tea is a huge part of the culture down there and it ranks right up there with any sort of religious artifact. This is simple and pure, the way sweet tea is supposed to be. It's just black tea (that was grown in South Carolina), cane sugar, and phosphoric acid (to help fight mold and bacteria).
There is actually less sugar in here than I would have expected from the taste. It only has 28g in the whole bottle. I still think it's pretty sweet and you can tell that they used cane sugar from the taste. Maybe I was wrong before. Maybe Southerners will be all up in arms because it's not sweet enough. It will be like someone desecrated their most holy artifact and that will be out for blood, sugary sweet blood. I don't understand how people below the Mason Dixon have teeth at all with the amount of sugar I am led to believe they consume.

I like everything about this juice. I mean I really like everything about this drink, but I have a problem with it. You see it's called Chia Beet and the front label says it's beets, berries and chia seed juice, which would be all well and good if the main ingredient weren't orange juice. The main flavor in this bottle is orange juice with beets, berries and chia seed added to it (with no added texture I'd like to note). I went into this expecting an earthy berry drink and what I got was an interesting twist on a morning favorite. As I said I really like it, I just wish it labeled itself as what it is. There is no shame in it. You are a beautiful juice. Accept yourself and let the world know what you are and let them know just how wonderful you are. Blueberries, strawberries, beets and chia seeds added to orange juice is not a common thing, but it is a very delicious thing. Be strong. Be proud.

I'm pretty sure that generic diet orange soda might be the world's worst pop. Regular orange soda has its place in the world and that place is at barbeques and accompanying hot (veggie) dogs in every capacity. Its diet counterpart belongs nowhere except down the drain. I wonder if there is a single person out there who actually enjoys it. If you find one I'd like to hook them up to a polygraph, because I'm pretty sure there are a no good dirty liar.

POP Water has attempted to make a low calorie orange soda that is actually drinkable. They have succeeded to some extent. This doesn't have an overbearing diet taste to it, but there is still enough of it to make me feel like I'm not truly enjoying it. The orange flavor is decent enough. It doesn't contain any juice, but it does have extracts of natural orange. It tastes like a light orange soda until you swallow and then you get the stevia/erythritol in the aftertaste mucking everything up. I've said it before and I'll say it again. They should have just kept their limited amount of real sugar and left it at that. Any drink I've ever had with a zero calorie sweeter would have been better without it.

Seeing as this originally started off as a sour mix for cocktails before it evolved into a soda the name makes much more sense. A soda named Rummy just seems odd. Actually, even an alcoholic drink named Rummy would seem weird as it's a derogatory word for a drunk. It also seems to insinuate that people are friendlier when they are drunk. I guess that's true for the most part, but when you are on the sober receiving end of that friendliness it tends to be fairly annoying.

Anyway, that whole book by its cover adage and all. This is a fairly mellow grapefruit soda. Normally pop of this variety tends to be pretty strong flavorwise but in here it's pretty chill. It falls more in line with how orange soda isn't really how oranges taste, but it still has a general proximity to the fruit's flavor. This is closer to a real grapefruit than orange is to an orange though. Real fruit flavor or not this is something that I enjoyed. I drank it quicker than I expected to, which is always a sign of a good soda. It may not be the best grapefruit pop I've ever tasted, but I would happily drink more of it.

Celsius sent us over a couple of flavors that we have already reviewed. I'm not sure if they are reformulated, or if it's just new packaging, but since it's been about five years since I reviewed the other one, I thought I'd give it another go.

When so much time has passed memories can get a bit hazy. I had a general idea of how this tasted, and reading my old review filled in some gaps. From what I said and what I remember I'm pretty sure they have tweaked the recipe a little. This has a cleaner orange taste and it's not so much an orange soda flavor. It certainly still tastes diet, but I don't mind it as much as I remembered. It's a functional beverage meant to help you burn calories, so of course it's not going to be loaded with real sugar. They seemed to find a way to soften the diet taste a bit, or else I'm just more used to it than I was back then. Either way if you are the sort of person that is drinking Celsius, then you probably have a good idea of what you're getting yourself into.

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ORIGINAL REVIEW:
A couple of friends and I were planning on riding to Niagara Falls on our bikes today. It was close to, if not over, 90 degrees out but we figured we'd be riding next to the river the whole time, so it should be cooler. It was, but it was still pretty hot. Before we left I downed this can of Celsius. I definitely enjoy their sparkling drinks over their teas. They both taste so overly diet (they are weight loss drinks what so I don't expect otherwise) but the bubbles mask it a bit. This tasted like a really cheap diet orange soda that you would find at Aldi or some such discount grocery store. It wasn't the greatest, but for what it is and what it does I can't really expect a gem. I definitely felt an energy burst from it, and I will assume it helped burn calories. So I downed the can pretty fast, let out a humungous burp and hit the pedals.

We made it about halfway through Wheatfield when we decided to stop at a gas station and refill our water bottles. We were sitting outside sipping on some crisp cold water when suddenly my front tire let out all its air. It was loud and it was fast. The bike was laying on the ground for about ten minutes without being touched for ten minutes before it happened. I blame the sun. I really think it got to hot and burst. Stupid sun, you're just fighting dirty because I put on SPF 85 sunscreen!

Lipton released its Pure Leaf line as a higher quality, real tea iced tea a few years ago. It started off as Lipton's Pure Leaf and now it's just Pure Leaf with the name Lipton only appearing in the small print on the back. Now they have taken things in an even fancier direction by having Pure Leaf hasa sub-line called the Tea House Collection.

This is organic green tea that has had apple and ginger brewed right into it. This is the way tea should be. It's not garbage tea that has had some sort of flavoring added to it, such as syrup, like a lot of companies do. When you brew all of the organic material together it tastes real and that is what this is. I wish more companies thought this way. I would happily pay a little more for a quality product like this instead of a can of something that makes my teeth feel like they are rotting.


As with most drinks I would have preferred a stronger showing from the ginger, but it's still there in taste if not burn. The Fuji apple is fairly strong. It kind of taste like I'm eating an apple that someone has shot with a syringe full of green tea. Just imagine biting into that juicy beast. That would be great, messy but great. Save on the cleanup time and get yourself a bottle of this. I defy you to find a more naturally tasting mass produced tea.

Sometimes your ladyfriend nicely makes you dinner when you are sick, even when she just had a long day of school/work and is exhausted herself. She grinds up the always great garlic salt mix from Trader Joes to spice it up a bit for you. Not often, but sometimes, in her delirious state she doesn't realize that she left the cap on and goes to add more when she tastes it and it doesn't seem to be doing anything. This time she remembers to take the cap off and an obscene salty mess tumbles into your otherwise delicious meal. You don't want to be rude, or unappreciative, so you eat it, sodium and all. Now it's a week later and you have a can of Salted Caramel Java Monster in front of you and all you can think of is how salty that meal was and if this tastes even a fraction like that, there's no way you will be able to enjoy it. Salt could be ruined forever, and that would be a horrible life to lead. I mean think of all the salsa and guacamole I would miss out on? That's not a life I have any interest in living.

Somehow, like in a dumb sitcom, everything turned out just fine. It wasn't overly salty. In fact it has only the faintest trace of sodium, which is how drinks should be. No one wants a salty drink, unless it's some boozy concoction on a beach, and even then I don't understand it. This has a general canned coffee flavor to it, with some small traces of caramel. There is another flavor that people tend to overdo it with. With a confection that is pretty much just burned sugar, less is usually more. I want hints of it, not a sore jaw from chewing a hunk of it for hours. Luckily there is no trace of the energy drink flavor in here. The idea of it mixed with coffee, is pretty wretched, and Monster seems aware of that, so they keep them separate.

Overall I found myself enjoying this way more than I had anticipated. It's nothing terribly special, but I had overall low expectations and every single one of them were surpassed. Aim low and you'll never miss the mark.

When a company who is known for making candy decides to start making soda, you'll have to forgive me for having some reservations. Shockingly Jelly Belly beat the odds and their sodas have ranged from decent to pretty good. I had expected grossness all around with more sugar than the Domino factory. I'm happy to say I was wrong. When it came to this French Vanilla soda I expected an average sweet cream soda. What I got was something a little bit more than your typical cream soda. This actually reminds me a lot of IBC's cream soda, which brings me back to high school where I would drink 40's of it at parties attempting to fit in with my classmates who were getting drunk.

There is a something a little classy about this soda. Sure, it's still pretty sweet, but it has a real vanilla flavor to it. Somehow the candy company made a soda that doesn't taste “candied.” I fear that many people who would really enjoy this would pass it up because of the Jelly Belly label. I'd like to see a study where this and a version of this with a different label and name were sold beside each other and see which sells better. Marketing, ya know?

I know that to everyone out there it sounds like being a part of Thirsty Dudes is a nonstop party. I mean sure, Mike and I have abandoned our families and live in a giant penthouse in the fanciest of buildings downtown. Sure, we race motorcycles everywhere we go, including both the public and private elevators to our penthouse. You know how some nicer fridges have a filtered water tap built into the door? Ours dispenses ice cold sarsaparilla. We have an entire freezer that is filled with nothing but green tea ice cream mochi. That doesn't make us any different than you our mild mannered readers. We still ride our prototype hoverboards one push at a time just like you. We are still humbled when companies send us advance flavors before they hit the market. Actually, that makes us feel pretty special. It's not the millions of dollars we have made from reviewing these drinks that fill us with a sense of pride, it's the little things like this.

When a package arrived the other day of the three flavors of the new Steaz cactus water line, I was pumped. You know pumped like when I ride the zip line down from our penthouse to the hot dog cart a few blocks away. I couldn't wait to review it and help get the word out on a product I was sure was going to be fantastic. The problem was that I was completely incapacitated from the flu. I didn't leave the couch, except to crawl to the rest room for about 72 hours. I thought it was the end of my life of luxury and leisure. As it does, time passed and my health returned and here I am enjoying a can of starfruit and green tea cactus water, even if it is a few days later that I would have liked it to be.

It was worth the wait folks. This is delicious. Cactus water is basically nature's version of Gatorade and it is far superior to what has been dumped on coach's heads for decades. It is high in antioxidants, reduces inflammation and is just chock full of electrolytes. This is sweet, smooth, and fruity. The green tea tastes is only vaguely there in the aftertaste, but the starfruit is right up front with the sweetness of the cactus water. There is some stevia in the mix as well, but I wouldn't really have guessed that from the taste, which is a sign of proper use of any zero calorie sweetener. Steaz has not disappointed.

I wonder how many cans of this it would take to fill one of those Gatorade coolers. I'll need to use the power of science to figure that out so I can be prepared for our next air hockey tournament up in the loft. I'm going to destroy Mike and then have the butler dump this on me when I win. Just like the champ I am.

If this bottle looks familiar, yet slightly off that would be because Goose Island Sodas has become WBC. Apparently WIT Beverage Company lost the license on the name Goose Island and decided to change it to WBC. I have no idea what that stands for, but this is the information the internet has provided.

This is a slightly different twist on the classic creamsicle style orange cream soda. It's due to their use of natural flavor in the way of Valencia oranges. It gives it more of an actual orange (fruit) flavor instead of the generic orange (color) flavor that most companies have. It's not too extreme. It doesn't taste like vanilla was mixed into carbonated orange juice (although that does sound awesome, minus the potential curdling). 43g of sugar put this on the sweeter side of the soda spectrum, but what do you expect from this type of pop? You're getting what you assume you would get with a little bit of a twist. All of that and you don't have to envision an island completely covered with goose excrement whenever you drink it.

Apparently Wisconsin has more soda companies per capita than any other state in the US. It seems like more often than not what I've been drinking lately has come from the Badger State. I was just informed that was the state's nickname and I am thoroughly intrigued. Can this state get any better? Now I want to try and search some out next time I'm there, and yes I find myself in Wisconsin more often than your average person.

Sno Cap is produced by the Titletown Brewing Co. This may be the first brewery made root beer that I have tried that was sweetened with HFCS. Sure it also has granulated sugar in here, but it's hard to miss the thick syrupiness of HFCS. It's one of those things that you don't even need to check the ingredients to know it's included in the recipe. It is also heavy on the caramel flavoring. All of the usual root beer suspects are there, but the caramel is what is standing out to me. Perhaps badgers love that particular flavor and they use it to appease their furry overlords. Oh, you didn't know that badgers ruled Wisconsin? The rest of the country may be run by lizard people, but they don't call it the Badger State for nothing. This is better than your average root beer, but it doesn't blow my socks off or anything. Perhaps if I was a different species that would be a different story.

Here at Thirsty Dudes we understand that every beverage is not for everyone. Specifically there are beverages out there that are not made for people like us, aka people who aren't counting calories to try and drop a few lbs. When we come across these drinks we try to give them the benefit of the doubt and we attempt to be in the mindset of someone who this drink is actually produced for. These zero calorie, sweetened, sparkling waters are one such category. We try to find the best in the drinks, but after drinking so many that all taste fairly similar, it becomes hard. The sad truth is that when it comes to beverages like these a good portion of the flavor comes from the sucralose, or whatever zero calorie sweetener is being used. Some flavors cut through it better than others, but it's always there and I never enjoy it. There are also the unfortunate flavors such as this that the supposed flavor of the drink is weaker than the sucralose and you only really get it in the aftertaste. I love pomegranates, even as much as I love a variety of berries, but they really aren't allowed to shine in this. All I'm getting is gross diet-ness. People say you get used to it, but I still haven't and I don't think I want to. I'll avoid my calories by limiting my sugary beverage intake instead of switching out the sugar for a different sweetener that ruins everything.

The Pledge cleaning supply company has ruined a good portion of the beverage industry. Sometime decades ago they created furniture polish that smells exactly like every lemon flavored beverage I have ever come across. It's the first time a company created a product that is an accurate portrayal of the fruit it named itself after, and it's just unfortunate. Companies like Sanavi are the victims here. Pre Lemon Pledge days this would be a wonderful citrus seltzer. It tastes just like someone squeezed a lemon into a bottle of seltzer water. It should be a dream come true, but unfortunately all I can think about is cleaner. Do yourself a favor and get past the cleaner idea and enjoy this like it is meant to be. Like it should be.

This drink should come with a rabbit and a top hat, because it is a magic trick. Frisa makes nothing but quality beverages, but I did not know that they also were practitioners of the dark arts. You seem confused, so let me explain. When you pen this bottle you are greeted with the most wonderful ginger scent. Just the smell alone you know you are in for a treat, as if the fancy looking bottle wasn't enough to inform you. So you pour yourself a nice glass and get ready for the ride of your life. You take a sip and you know you were right, this is fantastic. It is a perfect blend of ginger and hibiscus with a little lemon thrown in. There is no burn from the ginger at all, but it tastes so good that you can't bring yourself to care in the least. Then you swallow and a look of befuddlement passes over your face. What happened to the flavor? You take another sip and the greatness is back, but yet again as soon as you swallow it is gone. There must be some enchantment on this sparkling beverage because the instant it is swallowed all trace of it is pretty much gone from your taste buds. I don't know how it works, but I guess that is part of the trick. I tried to let it sit in my mouth for a while and the flavor stayed as long as I kept it in there, but as soon as I swallowed it was gone. I've never had a beverage do this before. It's like someone invited David Blaine to a party in my mouth and didn't inform me. I can get over the strangeness though as it just tastes so damn good while it's still on my tongue.