Mike Literman - 1759 Reviews

Tostitos with lime came out without alert and they also sneak into multi-purpose punch bowls at parties. I know that some people put their hand in that bowl, grab a chip, and hope to God that they aren't the "hint of lime" ones but you know what? Lime is Mexican. Salsa is Mexican. Guacamole might be and probably is Mexican. Tortilla chips are Mexican. Yeah, it seems like they have everything that matters in this life, but we, America, have Ocean Spray. America and Mexico are like brothers; America has the top bunk and Mexico has the bottom bunk. Together, these brothers high-fived and Ocean Spray with lime was born. It's strong cranberry and strong lime. You want it to be less lime, but you didn't make it, Ocean Spray did and they tell you what time it is.

It's tough to drink more than a glass, but that one glass is good. It's different than most things you've drunk and it's so simple.

As your father and coach, I am telling you that you have to keep hydrated, son. It's no laughing matter when you pass out and miss a pop fly because you didn't drink enough liquids. It's so simple to drink water, but now that it's come this far, you have to drink something else. A re-hydrator. You kids like fruit punch, right? Well here is a fruit punch that's made for brat kids like you who don't know enough to drink when you're supposed to.

Thanks dad, I mean coach, I mean daddy, I mean...why is this clear? Fruit punch is supposed to be red. You don't know? I know you didn't make it, daddy, but it just seems strange. Alright, fine. I'll drink it. It's pretty goo....ugh! What is this? It's not fruit punch! Don't lie to me. Did you do something to this? Are you trying to poison me? Did you marinade band-aids in here or something? It's kind of thick and although has a fruit punch taste, it isn't really sweet and has a bit of a thickness to it. It's not like water. It's almost syrupy. Daddy, why are you doing this to me?

Son, don't be a little girl. Just drink this and the other eleven that came in the case. I don't want my son, the son of the coach of this little league team, to pass out. Dehydration will humiliate me more that it could you. Drink up and meet me in the locker room. Stop crying!

Come on baby. Let's just get down tonight. I know we come from different sides of the tracks, you being fruit punch and me being a vegetable juice. It's about time that we knock boots, right? We've been together for three weeks and I've been good not to ask you for it. You know, it. Let's just pour our juices together. This is an old car, we can go in the back, put down a tarp, and get our juices all over the place. Mix 'em up. You know you want to, girl. Yeah girl. Unscrew that cap. Yeah, just throw it in the front seat. Come on, girl. I drink my vegetable juice all the time. It's about time that I drank some fruit juice. Daddy needs his vitamin C. I've had my cap off for ten minutes now. I was born ready. Just splash some stuff over there. Yeah, that's the stuff.

Hey, would you mind doing something for me? Would your pour some of your delicious fruit juice in my head? I just want to try it out. I want to taste what our juices together taste like. Yeah, just pour it right on in there. Don't worry about getting some on me. I love it. Now let me take a sip here. Ugh, are you feeling alright? Ugh, this is gross. What am I going to do now? It's all mixed in and I'm going to have to drink fifty-five gallons of it. This was a terrible idea. Maybe they were right. Maybe this is why you're not supposed to mix your side of the tracks with my side. Vegetable juice and fruit juice just don't mix. Oh, sure, girl, it's fun to make, but to drink...it's like fruit but then carrot flavored fruit, then just strange cabbage or spinach. I'm sorry, Daphne, you've got to go. I've got to clean this up and I might throw up and you don't want to see that. I'm sorry, baby. It's not you. It's me.

What happens when a boy from the South meets a girl from south of the South; Jamaica? Hilarity ensues. Watch as this crazy couple fights their way to love in this fantastic summer comedy. See Dax Shepherd in his best role since the 2006's smash hit, Idiocracy as a twenty-year-old Southern man on spring break meets Janet (played by both Tia and Tamara Mowry) on a trip to Jamaica. Dax Shepherd has a culture shock when he sees what Janet drinks, spiced pineapple juice. When Irwin (Shepherd) makes Janet try the South's iconic drink, sweet tea, the two fight it out for days, making everyone on the island try both drinks to decide which is better.

This romantic comedy turns sad when they can't decide and part ways with only one day left in Irwin's vacation. My favorite scene is where they are running around a fishing village like two chickens with their heads cut off and bump into each other, spilling their drinks into an empty DG Ting bottle. A man (Mos Def, uncredited) comes by, and says, "Hey mon, I thought that I drank this Ting ting." and proceeds to drink this mixture that the couple accidentally made. He said that he loved it because it was like the taste of the Caribbean mixed with the best American drink he had ever had, sweet tea. He then arbitrarily gave the drink a four, as if he were rating it, and then dove in the water and caught a fish with his bare hands.

All in all, I give this movie two thumbs up. The dynamic between the two protagonists really tugs at the heartstrings, regardless of how light this movie appears. Frankie Muniz did a wonderful job writing the screenplay for this film. Catch "Bag Juice" this holiday season in most theaters nationwide.

Fizz Ed, the oddly punctuated and spaced, past tense of the verb "fizz" or "to fizz" is the title of this drink. "Dude, I was so fizzed last night after I drank all that pop." for example.

I have known many people to have gotten "fizzed" at parties. I'm pretty sure Derek drank like eighty ounces of pop one night. That, to me, makes we want to research a respectful and affordable dentist, and get my teeth checked out as I haven't had a dentist for about five years, and before that, it was my pediatric dentist. I'm pathetic, I know, but hey, he's got all my records and knows my teeth. I am quite sure that he would jump out the window of his dental practice, which wouldn't do much as it's on the ground floor, if he found out that I did this website and drank so much junk all of the days.

This would be a great drink if you were sick because it's fruity and doesn't taste too different from cough syrup. It's doesn't have a bad taste, but it does have a bit of a syrupy, thick texture to it. Drinks shouldn't have a texture unless it's blatant, like a chia seed drink, or an aloe, or anything with Nata De Coco, or something along those lines.

I wonder what my dentist is up to and if I am still the oldest person that goes there. I know it's wrong that a twenty nine year old man-boy is going to a child's dentist. Sure, I don't care as much about the balloon animals and don't care at all about the stickers and my mouth has grown beyond the kid's toothbrushes, too. I know it's got to be better than adult dentists, though. At least I can learn about cool things like pistachio trees in Highlights magazine in my dentist and I don't have to read magazines like "Time" or "People".

One reason you don't mess around with a Thirsty Dude is because we're overly sarcastic, very quick witted, and could destroy most anyone in a battle of wits. Another reason is because we stock all sorts of drinks that you don't know exist so when you ask, jokingly, for something "chunky and slimy", there is a good chance we can product such a drink with ease and you will be stuck drinking your own words.

One of my bosses requested the previously mentioned variety of drink and I was lucky enough to have on in the fridge at that moment, so from unsuspecting, funny suggestion to sorry and chunks took all of five minutes.

This is a stretch for me to say. I will say it, because I mean it, though, so here goes. This is the best lychee drink and the best nata de coco drink I've ever had. It's got a great lychee flavor and is very strong scented. Very perfumey, like an old woman that you don't mind sitting next to on the bus. The coco chunks have a great, fun, consistency that isn't too hard, and isn't too soft. It's not like an aloe as it has way more bite to it. I could only describe it as a very, very soft eraser. I liked it and would drink it again. Thank you Malaysia, the gayest country in Asia.

Ahh cascading ice. Nothing tastes better than a nice avalanche rushing over a citrus orchard. A nice, giant ice dam covering all of Florida and pulling forth all the natural juices from oranges and lemons sounds delicious. Mother nature doing her job. Moving millions of tons of ice downward, squeezing juices from fruits to make crisp, cool, fresh water.

If that were the case, awesome, but there is one more step to make this drink do what it's supposed to do and that's to be carbonated. I suppose, at some state, man has to come in, bottle it, and put it on shelves. Using the previous scenario, all would happen as described, then man would break off chunks of this citrus ice into clean wheelbarrows, take them to the carbonation factory where they carbonate whatever is poured into "the hole" and then it bottles it and it's off the consumers everywhere.

The result? An unsweetened Sprite. People, it is just seltzer water with orange and lemon. I guess it would be like an unsweetened Ski. Wait, does Ski have lime or lemon? Now I don't remember.

Oooh man. Oooh no. Oooh jeez. I need it. I need it so bad. Oooh man. Ooooh God. Ooooh kill me. I need it. Ahhh. Dude, dude, dude, dude...do you have the stuff? You do? Oh, how much do I owe you? A dollar fifty? Oh, man. Hold on. Hey, other dude, do you have a quarter? No, it doesn't need to be a case quarter. Thanks. Here you go, dealer. A dollar fifty. Thanks, dude.

Finally, I've got it. I've needed this. What time is it? Two thirty? I should have had this a half hour ago. I'm feening so hard. Alright, I've got to go in the bathroom to take care of business. Alright, down the hatch. Oh, it smells good. It doesn't smell poisonous. It smells like Flintstone vitamins. Alright, once again, down the hatch. Wooooo! I feel like Ric Flair up in here. I hope no one heard me. That was very loud. It tastes like Flintstone vitamins. I was anticipating this to taste vile but I was wrong. Alright, I'm going to be juiced up for the last...one hour of work. What time is it?! Three thirty? I've been in here doing old wrestler impressions and getting myself juiced up on this energy shot for an hour? Man, I hope that I'm going to have enough energy to run out the door when they fire me.

I don't like things I can't explain. I like new things because it's a new experience. This drink I simply can't put my finger on. When you burp, yes, it tastes like sarsaparilla, but when you drink it...question mark. I cannot place it. No matter how much I take a big sip, little sip, swish, and smell. On and on it goes and no answers. I might want to say that there is orange in it, but I can't be sure since one of the ingredients is listed as "natural and artificial flavors". Vague, nice.

This could also be the fastest dissipating drink I've ever drank. As soon as it's off your tongue, it's gone. No remnants, no remainder, no carry the one. Here then gone. Like a sports car that might be awesome but it drove past you on a residential street going around ninety and you couldn't tell if it was a Ferrari or what. All you know is it was fast. At least with a Ferrari, it would get your mind going about things like driving it, seeing it slower, touching it, sitting in it, wondering if Burt Reynolds was driving it. This drink just left you wondering why you wasted your time drinking something that didn't want to spend any time with you. This drink is a crappy girlfriend.

For some people, coffee is not enough. For some people, energy drinks are not enough. For the rest, you've got to combine caffeine with caffeine and hope for the best. I am no nutritionist, but I am a scientist and I would say that this could not be worse for you than anything else you could drink.

Ignoring all nutritional value, which in this case, if it weren't for the FDA demanding that legitimate numbers be printed on the back of all food, should just say "Bad." Oh sure, there is a ton of vitamin B in there, but who cares? I think my mom takes a B12 for memory. Her memory is fine, but she takes it. I think it's a girl thing, like how all girls have anemia, but probably don't, they just all think that they should because their mom's told them to take it.

One thing your mom or dad is not going to turn you on to is this. It's not bad, but if your parents care about you, they won't let you have this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're an adult and you can make your own decisions. You're such a rebel. Look, you're not sixteen anymore. Make up with your parents and see what they've been up to. No one cares that you don't get along with your daddy and it's unfortunate. Bury the hatchet about that thing that happened at Thanksgiving twelve years ago and get a steak with your friggin' dad.

It doesn't taste like an energy drink, but it also doesn't taste like coffee. It kind of tastes like a liquidy coffee iced cream. Perhaps with some diet action to it. Your mom wouldn't like it. Your daddy wouldn't like it. Your boss might like it, but your boss is always a bit juiced up.

Job was a sad man. Generally sad. Depressed sad. It's nothing that he could do or change. It was a chemical imbalance that, through no fault of his own, caused him to cry constantly. The only thing that would make him happy was to eat edamame by the barrel. He would go to sushi restaurants and order three servings of it himself before he had the money to buy a steamer of his own. He would always have some dessert, too. He loved his sweets.

One day, Job had just drank a glass of water and eaten his sixth serving of edamame. He didn't have any money to keep the soybeans a-flowin' so, naturally he began to cry. He cried harder than he had ever cried before. While he was crying, the waitress brought him over the check and a piece of candy to cleanse the palate a little bit. He sadly ate the candy, which, by the way, is the worst way to eat sweets. He cried so hard that a constant stream of tears rushed down his cheeks and into his cup of water. He got up and paid the bill and went home to continue on his sad day.

The waitress, who was a bit off in the head, saw what had happened and saw where the liquid in the glass came from. She looked at it, saw that it was a little thick, and a little milky, and she did the unthinkable and drank some of Job's tears. While she didn't hate it, she thought that it was good enough to market. She called Job in as she had been in there enough times that they were on a first name basis. She told him to make more because she was going to bottle it and sell it. He thought it was gross that she drank it but he was happy that he made something that someone enjoyed so he ate soybeans on the house and cried into multiple open containers. The waitress bottled them and sold them at the restaurant. They didn't sell many because they were labeled as "Job's tears" but the ones that were sold, we enjoyed. People said that the drink tasted like watery, slightly sweetened, soybean juice.

Job was happy that all of his sadness made some people happy and he could at least make money crying all day. The waitress made a new friend, Job, who ended up being her business partner for a long time. The people who frequented the restaurant were deranged because they literally and voluntarily drank someone's sorrow.

Sometimes you go in expecting low quality jeans and you leave expecting diet pop to taste good. It's a crazy world where truth good denim is everywhere and diet drinks that don't taste as such are a diamond in the rough. A needle in a haystack. A boob in a PG movie. I think you can see where this is going and the direction is not towards things like bird's nests, birds, and bird houses.

Pomegranate is a distinct flavor and Jones captured it pretty well. They also got my hopes up by simply printing the word "hibiscus" on the bottle. You don't get hibiscus, but you do get diet and that is enough to make a grown man cry mostly because pomegranate and hibiscus together would be a match made in heaven. Instead, you get a decent pomegranate flavor, which is promptly ruined by a poor selection of artificial, diet sweeteners.

Dr. Jones, I like you. This is not your best work. I'm not going as far to say that it's a dead patient, but it could be something like leaving cotton swabs inside a surgery patient and then sewing that dude up like a bear you made in your seventh grade home and careers class.

Alright fine. I'll come out and say it. For the last week, I've been on a cruise. We went to a tropical location and it was quite lovely. Food and drink were atrocious and there was one day where, and I'm making up a percentage, 80% of the boat got wicked sick. Aside from that, it was totally awesome and I would do it again.

While being on that boat, I was tired. Super tired. I could never get enough sleep. It's not that I didn't sleep well, which I didn't, but I think that the (mostly) gentle rocking of the boat put me to sleep so any time I was in the room, I would touch the bed and wake up an hour later. Just like that. Like a tired baby, my face would touch the bed and BAM, seven turned into eight.

Now I'm home and should be well rested, but I'm not. I'm still tired and have a life to live. I've got things to do, people to see, obligations to sort out and all the while I am tired and still have my sea legs attached instead of my trusty, land lubber legs. To compensate and hopefully, temporarily over-compensate, I have taken part in this energy drink. I have been drinking a lot of these as of late. I hope there isn't anything wrong with me but assuming there isn't, let's get down to brass tacks and review this drink.

It's good. I had never seen this Vitamin Energy before and the corner store, aptly named "The Corner Store" had it so I bought her and threw her in the fridge for a week. Having eaten one actual dragon fruit, I felt like I was an expert in the matter.

This drink tasted remarkably like dragon fruit and remarkably not gross/energy...y. I would say ten percent, maybe fifteen percent energy and the remainder is dragon fruit. I wonder why anyone would drink a Red Bull or equivalent if they have energy drinks that taste like this. Seriously, people. If you like energy drinks and live by Red Bull, you're a dummy because there are better tasting energy drinks out there. Don't be a dummy. Get this drink.

No one? No one has a bottle opener? The ones in this gift shop in Mexico don't work for some reason. One would assume that a drink and bottle made in the same country would expect compatible. Now I'm walking around Cozumel with a bottle of chocolate milk looking like a jerk. Looking like a dude, with a giant beard, whom is nearly thirty carrying around an unopened bottle of chocolate milk. I hope people don't think I'm trying to lure in little unsuspecting Mexican kids to work on some American sweat camp.

Oh sir, please. You've got to help me. Do you...you do?! Thank you so much. Finally I can drink this...mediocre chocolate milk. I looked all around Mexico only to be proven correct in my assumption that this was going to taste like watery chocolate milk. Great. A dollar well spent for some is a dollar wasted for others. I wish I had more time here so that I could make up for this, but alas, my ship is sailing and I'm exhausted from haggling, poorly, for authentic sugar skulls.

I want to see the sights, let's rent a scooter. We can travel to Hemmingway's house, maybe see some of his cats cats cats cats cats. Maybe we can see Harry Truman's house. Oh, we can see the US highway 1 start and end, depending on which side you are stranding on. Oh! We can go to see the southern most point of the United States. This island is pretty awesome.

$35 for this scooter seems awesome, but man, the speed limits are withholding to the power, or lack there of, in this lil' scooter. Wait, what? The cruise line said that we shouldn't rent these? Woops, we're cruising now and there's nothing than can stop us, except, of course, literally everything on the road. I'm thirsty. Let's stop at a corner store.

What's this? A juice box of jasmine tea? Well that sounds good so early in the day. Oh, wow. This tea is actually quite good. It's more of a perfume of Jasmine since it's so strong. It's refreshing and I feel like I'm spending time with an old Indian woman. Yes, she's nice.

Alright, let's take this baby out one more time and see what it can do. We can go buy some crap made out of seashells or made to look like seashells.

I've got to say that Dunkin' Donuts is pretty good when it comes to drinks. We don't review a lot of chain restaurant drinks, but it doesn't break the Thirsty Dudes rules so we don't have a reason why we wouldn't. Their sweet tea is pretty good. Their frozen hot chocolate is good but terrible for you. Their Coolatta's are disgusting, or at least the one that I had wasn't good.

When I saw a commercial for mint hot chocolate, I thought that it would be delicious and that I needed it. Commercials don't really work on me, but it's like they saw me coming with that one. I got it today, a respectful medium, and promptly drank it, burning my tongue in the process. For the record, that does not affect my review, just my weekend.

It tastes like regular, decent hot chocolate, but the mint isn't overwhelming. You know when you put a candy cane in your hot cocoa? That would be mintier than this. I believe that Tim Horton's just puts one starlight mint in your hot cocoa, charges you for it, and leaves you with a mediocre version of this drink. Would I get it again? Eh, maybe. If I'm in the mood. The fact that it's less than a week from December and it's almost sixty degrees outside makes me not want to drink hot things yet so planning ahead with regards to hot drinks and soups are kind of out of my mindset. I wouldn't tell anyone not to get it though.

Dude, if you're going to stay up all night and play Modern Warfare, you're going to need to get juiced up. You aren't going to be able to stay up on Mountain Dew, the official drink of gamers everywhere. You're going to need something with pep in it. Is pep an ingredient? If not, when I grow up, I'm going to make it one and put it in everything. You know those Arizona tallboys you're always drinking? I saw they had an energy drink and I bought one for you. This will surly allow you to headshot British ten year olds all night. Your frag count will be through the roof, bro. So here, I got you one of these. Let's slam them together, put the disc in, and play. The time is eight and we've got until six to play before we have to get ready for school.

You know? This isn't bad. It's like a juice but with a bit of energy drink in it. It's like a fruit punch, maybe even a tropical fruit punch with a splash of some generic energy drink in it. Are you ready? Did you make your guy? No, don't pick a shotgun, dude. You can't pick off dudes with a shotgun. I saw this video of a kid who threw a knife and it bounced off a plane and hit a dude in the head and killed him. We're got ten hours to get that good. Go!

Thanksgiving is a time to meet up with family, forget about diets, and have a great time. Football is on, a pastime that I couldn't care less about, but people look forward to it, even if their home team isn't playing, something I never understood. My brothers are in fantasy football leagues and have to watch like every game on TV to know how their players did. That seems exhausting. Watching every team play every team? Ugh, no thank you. How did the Bills do today? Oh, it's a Thursday and they didn't play? Welp, whatever.

Today, my brothers debated if the Chevy Volt was a good car. We argued that 45 miles of an electric charge isn't something that should have been released from the factory. One brother made the good point that you can at least get the reserve tank of the gas in case you go over the paltry 45 miles. It's really a matter of infrastructure. There is nothing that we can do about that.

So that is something to remember. Four brothers in a room for the first time in a year, discussing worldly issues. My parents tried to capture the moment by taking pictures, but I don't take pictures well and often/always make funny faces so everyone will be disappointed with the results of that photo shoot. Something I won't remember is this drink. It's average through and through. It's not bad by any means, but it couldn't be more "safe". It's got a good sweet tea, black tea taste with lemon. It's the definition of a sweet, black tea. If you are in the mood for that, look no further. If you want something great, there are other companies.

Tazo makes some awesome stuff and really raises the bar with different flavor combinations, made up fruits, and different sweeteners. This is classic, safe, regular, and so on and so forth.

I'm thankful for tacos, pizza, video games, and Ferrari's. I am also thankful for yerba mate that doesn't tastes like an old shoe filled with tea. I am also thankful for drinks that compliment my breath (bref) with the niceties on mint. Yes, I brush my teeth (teef) twice a day, never floss, and tongue scrape, but sometimes a brother just likes a little extra help, and if I can get it in a delicious tea, I'll take it.

I go to the store all the time to see new drinks that we haven't reviewed and these Guayaki cans have been staring me out every single time I go to "the aisle". Finally, I found one that we haven't reviewed so I can drink it. It's not autumn themed, I know, but I don't care. I'll drink soup in the summer, drink cider in the spring, drink iced tea in the winter, and... Buffalo doesn't really have a fall. It just goes from warm to garbage pretty instantly so we have a limited "hoodie" weather unless, of course, you're me and you wear hoodies as winter coats.

This tea was good. Quite good. It was bitter like a yerba mate should be, but not as earthy as some of the other ones. "Entry level" yerba mate, if you will. It's nicely, lightly sweetened with a nice end taste/aftertaste of mint.

This I like. This you should like.

You would think that a Jamaican ginger ale would just be called "ginger beer", right? Well that's why I make the big bucks and you are a dummy. You know that Jamaicans love spicy things like ginger beer, salsa, chicken wings, and spicy tuna sushi rolls. Yep, those are the Jamaicans we all know and love. Hey, do you think that every Jamaican teenager has a tapestry of Bob Marley? If so, I hope that it's cheaper since, you know, he's local. I hope that is the case. I would also hate to see that they had to pay full price for a Bob Marley record.

Because of these few prerequisites, I don't think that Jamaicans would like this ginger ale. I, an American, really liked it. It tastes like ginger, doesn't have bite, and is perfectly sweetened. It's better than most ginger ales that I've ever had and now I will not forget it next time I drink some garbage, Joe Lunchpail, ginger ale. I love ginger beer, and the hotter the better, but this is a separate drink all together.