I can only hope that everyone who reads this is familiar with the Purity Test. If you're not, what did you do with your time in school? It's generally a questionnaire used by high school and college students to determine your degree of innocence in matters such as sex, drugs, and other damning things. Depending on what type of crew you roll with a low purity score could be a thing of embarrassment or pride.

I hadn't taken one of these tests since college, so I decided now was as good a time as any. I would like to report that these juices were nowhere to be found on the test, shocking I know. I'm sure some weird questions could be rephrased to include it, but I can also assume that the company would be none too pleased about that. Oh well, I don't need to know what degrading things can be done with juice. All I need to know is that it's tasty and that I enjoy drinking it.

This is just mango puree and orange juice with some sugar and water added to it. The mango flavor is steering the ship, just as it should be. I have no problem with orange juice, but it's such a standard juice that I enjoy when other flavors take over. I personally don't see the need for the added sugar. I would have enjoyed it much more in its natural state, so I didn't feel as if I had to brush my teeth afterwards. I can't argue with flavor though, and this is full of it.

For those of you keeping score at home, I got 44% on the purity test. I'm sure there are people everywhere praying for my soul. Take the test yourself and see if you need to be saved.
http://www.puritytest.org

Jim doesn't get sick often but when he does, he gets really sick. He can stay healthy during multiple cold and flu seasons but out of the blue, he'll get it and it hits him hard with all of the symptoms of a cold or flu to the fullest extent. It usually puts him out for two or three days. People call him a wimp about it but truth is, Jim has a far better immune system than them because he's only sick one time for every three times they're sick.

One of those seasons was upon us and Jim caught it and caught it badly. He had a head cold and couldn't breathe and was blowing his nose every twenty minutes. He just wanted to sleep. He thought about how he usually felt better when he drank orange juice but didn't have any. He went to a corner store by his house and bought a lemonade. He thought that if Vitamin C came from oranges it would come from lemons, too. He brought home a new type of lemonade that he had never tried before because of the nice packaging and the fact that there were no preservatives and he had to shake it before he drank it.

In all his sickness, he took a big sip and loved it. Everything tasted like styrofoam until now. He could taste the lemonade and the lemons and the sugar. It was like he woke up from a deep sleep to be in a technicolor dream world. He could taste the lemons and they were both bitter and sour just like a fresh lemon is.

Although still sick, Jim felt better for a limited time. He knew that all the soup wouldn't make him feel as good as a nice, fresh glass of that lemonade would.

These days a handful of coconut water companies are moving away from the classic “heavy” can and tetra pak cartons towards more innovative packaging. I understand; anything that can make your product jump out more to consumers is a plus. Coconut Cartel has taken things too far though. This is not coconut water. This is simply a coconut with the companies name stamped/burnt into the shell.

I feel like someone has played a prank on me. When we were in talks with the company I say the pictures of the coconuts with the company logo on them, but I thought they were just being clever. When a box with three coconuts in it, and nothing else, showed up at my door I just laughed. Sure the liquid in the coconut was great, but this has officially taken the title of the most inconvenient beverage of all time. There's no going to the fridge for a quick hydration. There's a process that goes into opening a coconut, and it's not pretty. I ended up using a drill to put holes in the shell, so I could pour it out. That was after many failed attempts with coconuts in my youth.

I really hope that this whole thing is some long term prank being played on me. I hope one of my friends created this website and then shipped me some coconuts, because the whole thing is laughable and I can't imagine this company being sustainable by any means.

I don't really know why that I am shocked that I like this, but I am. It just sounds like something that would be terrible. Whenever companies try to grasp outside of their safe zone, I am always very skeptical. For some reason with this line I expect the results to be less than stellar, even though I have had several other flavors that I have enjoyed. Each time I expect my mouth to be greeted with a gush of grossness. You can just tell looking at this that it has a zero calorie sweetener in it somewhere. The thing is that the stevia mixed with the cane sugar works in here. It has a bit of a diet taste to it, but the actual berry flavoring is much stronger, and that is all that you can ask for.

I think the saving grace for Glaceau is that they went for their own thing. They didn't take a classic energy drink and try to mix it with their pre-existing products. They took what they were good at and added green coffee bean extract an B vitamins to give it a little energy push. There's no chemical garbage in here, and as a result it just tastes like a carbonated Vitamin Water. It may not give you the crazy rush as other products do, but you can feel better about drinking it, and really when in your life did you actually need the shot to your heart that the other players give? To me it just seems like overkill.

I'm glad that I have continuously been wrong about the Vitamin Water Energy line. It's nice to be surprised in a positive way.

Are you tired of boring old lemonade? Well then, you should step up your game and grab yourself a bottle of this sugarcane juice. Not only does Sugarcane Island swap out boring old lemons with exciting state of the art limes, but there is also so much sugarcane juice in here. There is a certain joy that I experience when I can taste the difference between cane sugar and any other sweetener. When done right it has a nice natural flavor that is sweet and almost gritty. It is the most superior of all sweeteners.

Some, like myself, may find it humorous that the label says no added sugar, when one of the two ingredients in here is sugarcane juice. You might think, “This whole drink is mostly sugar, which tastes delicious but should probably be drunk sparingly.” Like me you would be wrong, as I was informed by the company. Sugar cane and cane sugar are two different things. Sugarcane comes from pressing a sweet grass and cane sugar is processed sugar. The bottom line is that the previous is healthier and not in fact an added sweetener.

See, now you learned something new, so throw that lemonade in the filth bin and enjoy a bottle of this the next time you're at a beach on a nice hot day, trying to hide from the murderous sun.

I don't travel anywhere near as much as Jay. Jay has been to all the continental US states as well as Hawaii. I can't imagine traveling that much, mostly because I don't really go a lot of places. One thing I also don't do is specifically travel. "I'm going to go to London and see the Salford Lads' Club." is nothing that I've done. I like going places with people I know and let them tour guide me. If I set a destination, say, Wyoming and made a point to go to the Grand Teton national park and then bought this, I wouldn't be disappointed, but I would be left with questions like, "Why did I come here again?"

It's not that this is bad but it's very basic. Yes it tastes good and it was made with real sugar and it's sweet but what it isn't is "remarkable." Now I know that it's audacious to expect "remarkable" every time but from me to you, you can get "this" cream soda almost anywhere. Maybe cream soda is one of those flavors that you make once, everyone accepts it and moves onto more important things in life. I'm not complaining. I'm just leaving you some of my mental thoughts while I drink something for the first time that I've drank a hundred times before.

I would like to speak with whoever was in charge of deciding how much sweetener was to be put in this beverage? Did they have a cold the day the decision was made? Were their collective noses stuffed, so that it affected their sense of taste? I don't know what situation would make me not want to fire them, but I hope something is brought to my attention, because this is just ridiculous(drinkers of a product have the ability to fire employees of the company right). Normally when stevia/erythritol are used in a beverage it's towards the bottom of the ingredients list. In here it's the second thing listed; carbonated water then zero calorie sweetener blend. It's so overly fake sweet that it's hard to make out the intended flavor of the drink. Guava is generally a very strong flavor, like passion fruit. In here it gets lost and it seems like an afterthought.

There are people out there who will really like this. I personally just don't understand using that much zero calorie sweetener, just use less. No one will complain.

What is wrong with me? Why do I do it? Why do I love sodas that cause me physical pain? Ginger beer is one of my favorites, yet it hurts. Oh how it hurts. I had an overnight drive and instead of downing an energy drink I decided to drink this bottle of ginger beer. Every time I felt a bit sleepy, I took a sip. What better way to stay awake then by giving your throat a nice liquid kick of fire?

Overall this is a pretty standard ginger beer. It's nice and sweet with a decent burn that you feel in your throat as well as your stomach. This is basically the non-alcoholic version of a shot of whiskey. It's not insanely intense, but it's enough and sometimes that is exactly what you're looking for.

"I could make this at home." might be a chef's worst "comment" from a patron. Most of the time, "Shut up. No you can't, sir. I went to culinary school and you cannot make a duck confit like this in your microwave you fat dump." is what goes through their head. This, though. This is a sweetened passion fruit juice. I've seen passion fruit and I've seen sugar cane. Mush them up and you've got this drink.

Now what is different is that I'm not going to try it and I am happy someone else did it for me. This is good. It tastes like a nice, sweet juice. The passion fruit shines and is, if anything enhanced by the sugar cane and not by some artificial sweetener. There is nothing in this, though. Passion fruit and sugar cane juice. Done. Two ingredients. No mucking about.

So if you are a patron of a restaurant and you eat something you can make at home, good for you. Go home, save some money and make your own. That or open up a restaurant and show that chef who is better. If you're not going to do either of those, enjoy the presence of your friends and family and stop being a regular know-it-all. No one likes that. Be fun to be around.

From the get go I wanted nothing to do with this beverage. My interest in coconut water is still relatively new and a carbonated version sounded absolutely terrible to me. Just as I feared this drink fell on the sunscreen side of the spectrum. It wasn't to the extent that it tasted like someone watered down their Coppertone and then introducing it to a Soda Stream, but it is close enough. If that wasn't a bad enough description for you, take into consideration that the all-natural, zero calorie sweetener is ridiculously strong, and nearly unbearable. Simply put, this is not for me.

Ah the lemon zest; an attractive garnish on many of the dishes on the Food Network. They just take that lemon, roll it on a cutting board lifting the fruit from that pesky rind and then rub it against a grater like a bear scratching itself against a tree. I wonder if they have a slew of interns just rolling and grinding lemons all of the day for college credit. I think that they also might have entry level, minimum wage workers juicing all the zest into a little drink. Then, the full timers are bottles and packaging. Then, at the end of it all, is the big wigs. The big wigs sit back, smoke big, fat cigars and just count money all day.

What we're left with, in short, is a lemon seltzer water. All that zesting and bottling and smoking just leaves you with a bottle of fairly generic lemon seltzer. Look, it's fine. It's good, right? It's just lemon seltzer water. No need to beat around the bush. Get back to school so you can learn how to cut corners and hire the unhirable slobs that are college students and start learning to count to really high numbers because soon you, too will be swimming in dollar bills and small coins.

What we have here is a wonderfully confusing melody of flavors. This is a beverage that was formulated for function over flavor but with a roster like this the flavor takes care of itself. iQ has gathered up apple cider, white grape, strawberry, passion fruit, orange, lime, guarana and mixed them all up with a little bit of vitamin B12 and the results are fantastic. All of the individual flavors are very present and are just trying to beat the hell out of each other to come out on top. This is a true fruit punch. All of the others are just chumps compared to the joy that this juice brings.

I love that they chose to use cider over straight apple juice. In a world where apples are used to stretch juice and make them a tad bit sweeter, using cider pushes it to the next level. Also, out of all the juices involved only one (white grape) is from concentrate.


This beverage was put together to get the drinker up and running without relying on the caffeine from coffee. Who wouldn't rather drink juice than coffee? Oh, a lot of people? Well I don't want to know them. Actually, no that's fine, it just means more just for the likes of me, and we want all the juice.

This may be made from a concentrate with added sugar, but I'm going to give this little guy a break from my dumb rules because it's great. It's largely a sweetened orange juice, but it has these wonderful sunbeams of pineapple an guava that shine through the cloudiness and light up your taste buds.
Obviously I wish there was more of a guava flavor to it, as I am a guava junky. I could be handed a freshly squeezed glass of juice that was wholly guava and I would still wish I had more of that particular flavor. I will take what I am given though and I will happily drink it again and again.

In a short span of time the Day of the Dead will be upon us. The dead will be remembered and honored as altars are built and sugar skulls are created and eaten. I'm pretty sure that all of those left over sugar skulls that are leftover will them be melted down to sweeten these particular energy drinks. Seriously these things are way sweeter than they need to be. I have compared energy drinks to liquid candy a ridiculous amount of times on this website, so it only seems fitting.

Other than the sweetness of this is it a pretty standard energy drink that has been flavored by the memories of the dead. Actually that's not completely accurate. At first I thought it tasted like a cherry Red Bull, but with each sip it tasted more and more like a plain cherry soda. It's very grenadine heavy, but by the time I was 2/3 through with the can any sort of classic energy drink flavor was out the window. It was simply cherry soda water, taste wise. Perhaps that is what the ghosts of your ancestors want and who are we to argue with them?

If this beverage is supposed to be a tribute to American soldiers who are in the armed forces, Rip It surely does not think much of them or this country. One would think that if you are honoring something you would put some time and energy into creating something that is of at least a minimum of quality. Rip It only delivers a soda that is as generic as can be that is extremely lightly flavored to an extent that it seems like they were running out of flavor syrup so they stretched it out by adding far too much water. Nothing about this tastes like an energy drink, which can be nice sometimes, but not when the flavor that replaces it is so unremarkable.

This drink tells me that Rip It hates the troops and wants them to drink this gross generic beverage. I bet this is what would have been given to the troops when they came home from Vietnam and people spit on them.

Oh the flavors. If you don't like this, then you can just go home. This so perfectly captures the "real" taste of pomegranate as well as the earthiness of a rooibos tea. It's got the bitter and sweet that contrast so well in a good, high quality tea. It's properly sweetened with cane sugar and the blend of pomegranate and rooibos is right down the middle so nothing is lost in the mix.

If you are ever on the fence about getting this, jump on over. On the other side of the fence you can ride dinosaurs while beautiful men and women serve you pizza. The dinosaurs are really nice and let you take your picture with them as long as you don't use a flash. It hurts their prehistoric eyes. And that's how to get a dinosaur to bite you.

Everyone knows about the crunchy, organic hippies. The new ones are just jealous that they missed the entirety of the sixties and all the movements and music and drugs so they think that by juggling in public parks, not showering and putting "Ithaca Is Gorges" stickers on their Prius that they can feel the same thing. Those are the same people that sell Ziplok bags of organic granola for like twelve dollars a bag and won't make eye contact when you ask what's in it. Then there is the other kind.

The other kind made this drink. They are smart scientists and experimentalists that use science and logic to make things smarter, better and better for you. This drink is clearly a pride project and you can taste it with every sip. There are not many ingredients in there and every ingredient you would feel just fine giving to a child. It's some of the strongest, most sour and tart lemonade I have ever drank. There is stuff on the bottom with a nice strawberry taste. I didn't get a lot of mint but the competition is fierce in that little bottle. The lemons are just teaming up and destroying everything. It might have made alright with the strawberry and let him hang out for a bit but not without putting up a fight. Make no mistake; this is lemonade first and foremost. It's just lightly flavored with strawberry and even lighter with mint. Someone with a finer palate than I might be able to make it out more. It's definitely a "grandma's backyard mint" and not an "off the shelf" mint.

Everything was done right in this drink and if I had one complaint, it would be that they told me to "shake well" which I did. Upon opening I was greeted by a geyser similar so something you would see and an ICP show. Out of habit I would give it a little jostle every now and then and would be punished time and time again by doing so. I don't know what's going on in that bottle behind the scenes but I think that it rhymes with "witchcraft."

Herbert loved to travel. He especially loved to sail. He was on a trip to Thailand and was sailing around when his boat hit some coral and took on some water. He docked at the closest island to investigate what could be the problem.

He tied up his boat and started to look around at the damage. A tall man approached him with a package and said, "This is for you." Herbert looked inside and there was some rice, vegetables and a can of coconut water. He sat down on the dock and ate and it was very good. He especially liked the coconut water. It was different than the coconut water he had in the States. It was sweeter but still unsweetened. It was clean tasting and didn't care about the heat like some other coconut waters he had.

He repaired the ship and was about to sail off and the tall man came back. Herbert thanked him and asked where he got that drink from. He said that his brother works for the factory a couple miles away and he gets to bring home cases occasionally. Herbert shook the man's hand and thanked him for his hospitality. Boat accident and all, Herbert had a wonderful time in the sun on an island making new friends, eating great food and enjoying a new drink he was sure to buy more of.

Blueberry sparkling water; that is what this is. Yep. It's sparkling water, like you would get in a seltzer. You could call it seltzer water but you can also call it sparkling water. The blueberry? Faint. Present. Underwhelming. The whole thing? Fine, totally fine. The flavor is doesn't keep up with the sharpness of the water so you lose a little flavor. You'll always lose flavor. You'll have that when dealing with essence.

Rarely on the side of never do I drink "meal replacement" drinks as such but today I did not eat breakfast, the most important meal of the day, so I did not have a choice. First thing I noticed, and this could just be me, is that this was a leaky drink. So leaky. The package was constantly leaking from the cap. Don't let that sway you from getting it. Let my review sway you from buying it.

This was completely laced with Stevia. It was so sharp. Calming down on that and letting some of the chocolate shine through would probably do wonders to this drink. It was thin, so do not expect a shake. It was closer to a thin chocolate milk. Or if you made chocolate milk with skim milk or some other poor life choice.

What would I do to fix this? Number one? Real sugar. I know it would increase the calorie count but it wouldn't leave me with a taste on the tip of my tongue. Look, I drank the whole thing. It wasn't terrible but it was kind of thin and overly fake.