I know people, adults, who drink copious amounts of Arizona Arnold Palmer. Copious. Too much. Yeah, I'll say it. Too much. Iced tea and lemonade or as it's nicknamed, "Half & Half" is great when you've got great ingredients. A good lemonade and a good sweet tea are some of the simplest drinks to make. Ready? For both there are only four ingredients and two of them overlap and one of those is water. Water, sugar, black tea, lemon. Done. There is more in this and you can tell because it has a strange viscosity. Not a common complaint among us Thirsty Dudes but this was an iced beverage that somehow never managed to taste iced. It just tasted like a twenty percent thick Arizona Arnold Palmer.

If I had my druthers, and this would most certainly not be the voice of the masses, I would have just used Dunkin' Donuts' sweet tea because it's pretty great. The lemonade, I don't know if Dunkin' sells it but they theoretically could and just do everything in house. I don't get the need for the "Arizona" registration mark unless Arizona is supplying the, presumably, syrup that is dastardly ruining this otherwise good drink.

This drink is not what you want it to be and is let down by the demand for name dropping and laziness. There. I said it. Sorry, America.

If you like pina coladas and songs about proposed infidelity then this is for you. Okay, maybe not the infidelity part, but like millions of people across this great land I can't think of this particular flavor and not get that dumb song stuck in my head. It's supposed to be playful and fun, but in reality it's about two people who believe they are in a loveless relationship that set out to cheat on their partners only to end up together again. The action may not have taken place, but they were both ready willing and able to have relations with whomever was waiting for them. That is dark folks.

Luckily this drink will lighten your spirits. Cascade Ice is the only company I know who has made sucralose palatable. Sure, they haven't done away with the diet flavor completely, but it's masked nicely. This is a mostly pineapple soda, with a little coconut here and there. If the flavors were reversed I probably wouldn't want anything to do with this, but it all falls in line nicely. This is a great option for those of you watching your calorie intake. As far as I know the company also doesn't condone going behind your partners back for some extra loving. That's a plus as well.

This feels like some sort of riddle; what do you get when you mix mediocre coconut water with espresso? A mixture I could take or leave that also has milk in it for some reason. Really though, why is the milk here? Isn't the coconut water supposed to act as the milk like substance? It's as if they combined espresso, chocolate and milk to create a normal mocha drink, and then watered it down with coconut water. It's like the coconut water was more of an afterthought rather than an integral part of the creating process.

For those of you out there, like me, who are not huge coffee fans, this has a bearable coffee flavoring. Unfortunately the chocolate isn't as strong as I would like it to be. Coco Cafè came out with a similar product a while ago and they achieved what this was reaching for and missed.

I don't know what relaxing about struggling to stay awake. I drank maybe about 50% of a serving and all I want to do is sleep. That's not relaxing. I wish you could see me type. Every other word needs to be deleted and respelled because my hands are so tired. You know when you close your eyes for a second and wake up like thirty seconds later and you don't know what's going on. That feeling is this in a bottle.

How does it taste? Diet. It's not good. The limited ingredients make whatever magic in here that much more potent. I'm telling you. I wish you could see me struggling. I'm mad at myself for drinking it because now all I want to do is sleep. It's twenty to eight at night and I might have to just call it for the day.

I have a confession to make. I never understood these flavored waters. The extreme lightness of the flavoring always left me feeling like I was drinking a bottle of water after eating whatever fruit it was flavored with. As a result I let Mike write 7 out of the 8 Hint waters we have reviewed. Something has happened though and I now understand the allure. Perhaps my wishes have been granted and I am now a real boy, or a grown up with a fully working set of taste buds. Whatever the case this makes sense to me now.

This is simply water, mango and grapefruit. I can only assume the company has huge vats of water that they soak fruit in. They don't squeeze the juice out of the fruit; they just let the soaking extract a tiny bit of flavor. The result is nice and refreshing without any overbearance or intense sweetness. It does have a slight sweetness from the mango, but it's very subtle. Even though the flavor is minimal, the mango is definitely stronger than the grapefruit. Actually if a competitor wanted to create a similar beverage line I would suggest they use that as their name, Subtle. The Cola wars were so 80s. This is the decade for the minimally flavored water wars.

Man while I'm sitting back relaxing drinking my juice I can only think about how the rest of the world is full of suckers. They are all drinking regular orange juice and here I am living like a king drinking mandarin juice, and it even has pulp. I swear in some parts of the world this really would make me royalty. Mandarin juice is just so superior. It has its own unique taste, which still clearly being part of the orange family. Jim, you haven't had much to say about his. Actually why are you making a giant pile of salt out here on the back deck. Oh, you're saving up so you have a surplus next winter because you just want to spread it over the driveway so you never have to shovel? Well, I'm not sure if that will work, but I like the way you think, and I give you points for ingenuity. Why don't you pull yourself up a hammock and grab a nice glass of mandarin juice and take in a slice of the good life. Oh man, Jim! You've covered in salt and a bunch of it got into the juice. This is why no one likes you Jim; you ruin even the simplest of things.

You're still drinking the juice? Did you see how much salt dissolved in there? You say it's not that bad? Give it here! Actually you're right, this is not nearly as salty as I would have expected, and it gives the juice a certain charm. Actually no, I was wrong. One or two sips was okay, but the more I drink the more I notice the salt and it's kind of ruining everything, much like yourself. I feel like I might try putting a dash of salt into my next carafe of mandarin juice, but anything more than a pinch is just too much. I can't make it even a third of the way through this glass. Jim, you're lucky I'm not the king I previously pretended to be or else it would be off with your head!

Swamp Pop may be my current favorite soda company going these days. They take classic soda flavors and mix them up with a Louisiana twist. Oh you want a cola, how about we throw some figs into the mix? That cream soda you so desperately crave? Well you're not getting that until we add in some pralines. This is the flavor I have been saving for a rainy day, or a perfectly nice day when I'm sitting around a fire at night. With embers a blazing I cracked open the cap of the combination I feel I have been waiting for all my life; ginger ale and cucumber. People always laugh at me when I rant about my love of cucumber beverages. They are fools who don't understand that it is the most refreshing flavor of all times. It is both crisp and cool, which is just what you need on a hot balmy day.

This soda is named after the local “gentlemen pirate” Jean Lafitte, who basically ran the Gulf of Mexico during the 18th century. The man did it all; bootlegging, smuggling, spy work, and he even worked as a wartime defender under General Andrew Jackson. All of those activities have to take a lot out of a person so I can only imagine him kicking back after a long day of raiding ships and sipping on a bottle of this soda. I assure you that he would in fact be sipping and not chugging, as that is the sort of pop this is. You want to mull over the flavor in your mouth, letting it wash over your taste buds with each sip.

This is much sweeter than I anticipated, but it feels right in its level of sugar. The folks of the south like their sugar, as is evident with sweet tea, and that has been translated here. It's a ginger ale that you can taste the ginger in. It has the slightest of burns to it, but nothing that a small child couldn't handle. So as a base you have a nicely sweet, slightly hot ginger ale. What better way to improve that than by cooling it down with some cucumber? With that addition you have near perfection. It is also a flavor that instantly makes me think of Louisiana, heat, humidity and how to make it all bearable.

All my life I have been told that men and women were created equally. Okay, except in those religion classes I took as a kid where they said man was created in god's image and then woman was made from man's rib. That's a pretty crappy deal for women. Lucky for them it's all make believe and stories, even I realized that before I was out of elementary school. So yeah, we're created equal. Then H10O comes along and tells us that men and women need different formulations of vitamins. Someone here is a liar, or just misinformed.

I'm not really that dumb. I mean I'm an idiot, but I have some intelligence. I know that certain vitamins and minerals are more effective for the different sexes. The real problem here is that this company is supplying those vitamins in a vehicle that tastes like crappy diet garbage.

This is a non-carbonated orange beverage that basically tastes like Tang that is rich in vitamins as well as caffeine and guarana. It wouldn't be so bad except the grossness of sucralose ruins it all. I appreciate that there is no sugar and no carbs in this, but as a society haven't we learned that there are better tasting alternatives in the world of zero calorie sweeteners? This drink had no chance of being exceptional, but it could have turned out much better than it did.

Obviously the first thing I am going to mention here is the totally rad container this comes in. It's a can/plastic bottle hybrid that is just really cool for some unknown reason. The only time I've come across this combo before was on some drink in an Asian supermarket. I don't even remember what it was because the taste was forgettable, but the container was rad. In case you can't tell from the picture this is a plastic bottle, shaped similarly to a Red Bull can, but it still has the normal can top. Metal up top plastic on the bottom, like some sort of dumb mullet joke.

Container aside, this tastes pretty much like I expected it to. Like most energy drinks it is flavored like some liquefied Wonka candy. In this case it just happens to be blue SweeTarts. It also tastes like a Slush Puppy. I believe the flavor I'm thinking of is called Bahama Mamma. Due to these two comparisons I would say that if there ever was an energy drink designed to please the taste buds of children, this is it. I'd like to make it clear that I think children have no place drinking energy drinks, and that in the future people are going to start having heart attacks a lot earlier in life because they drank energy drinks all the time when they were in their developmental years, because they had terrible parents. Seriously though, kids would love this. It's too bad they shouldn't be allowed to have it.

This is the last day that I'm working in this office. I'm excited. Bigger and better things. Same job, same position, different office. On my last day here, I got a decent sandwich from a gas station I frequent and this little drink. The sandwich took forever, I was reminded why the lady behind the counter blows, and kissed that place goodbye for a while.

This drink, unlike that turd behind the counter, wasn't half bad. It tasted like blueberry and lacked the crud that acai often brings with it. It had a little bit of the bitterness from the Erythritol and coffee fruit but not enough for it to be penalized.

Goodbye gas station. Hello energy.

Thin and doesn't go well with chocolate. Not a fantastic tagline but a true one. Look, I'm working on a website that sells products to minibars and I've been looking at candy and snacks all day and now I've got a hankering for like every snack known to man. So here I am, snacking my life away and drinking this. I am not reviewing this as a chaser to chocolate but as a fair warning, this is not to be drunk with chocolate.

Alone and by itself, this is fine but on the low end of the spectrum for lemonade. I think they put it in that category because they had to put it somewhere. It's got no pulp, no bite, and if anything, just some sourness to it. It doesn't taste like an energy drink, which is good, but aside from that, not a lot of honey, which is half the name. It kind of smells like bubble tea, which is strange but should be noted. It's got a bit of a crap-drink bite to it but that subsides pretty quickly so I'm only slightly notching it for that.

Now I get back to peanuts, chocolates, candy bars, and the like. It's not the worst site I've worked on but looking at it makes me oh so hungry. OH SO HUNGRY!

Ahh summertime. Hot dogs raining from clouds made of hamburgers. The air filled with the scent of noodle salad and freshly cut grass. That's what summer is all about. I found something we can add to the mix and it is this drink. Watermelon cucumber? Are you kidding me? Summer, dude. Well, I don't know if people are making...wait...I'm on to something...pizza...where the pizza is a slice of watermelon and the pepperoni is cucumber...Mike, you're a genius. I'd like to patent pend this, please, if you don't mind. I'll be right back, hold on.

I just got back from the patent office and you can't patent the idea of putting vegetables on fruit for some reason unless you sell it as a product which I don't have the energy for but if you'd like to take it and run with it, I ask for ten percent of all sales.

Why should this be another staple in summertime drinking? Watermelon is a limited time, summer fruit. Ever eat watermelon in winter because it blows. Cucumber is fine year 'round but teamed up with his (or her) friend watermelon. BAM! Summertime Emeril style. Great watermelon taste with a light cucumber aftertaste all while not having to deal with any syrupy garbage. What more could you ask for? Oh, the hot dogs from the burger clouds are spoiling in the street? Yeah, but it cut down on your dog food spending, didn't it? Not so bad after all.

You know something is all the rage when grocery stores start selling their own version of it. Cold pressed juice has been on a steady climb in the world of popularity and now we have Trader Joes with three juices of their very own. I admit they are not your average grocery store, but this is still a big step. They have released onto the world a veritable Ethiopian flag of juice with their red, green, and yellow flavors.

This juice smells strongly of apples and yellow bell peppers. It's a weird combination of scents, but it lets you know exactly what you're in for. I took a sip and thought, “Wow this is amazing!” As I kept drinking I realized that while this is a good juice, I had gotten caught up in the cold pressed craze. I certainly enjoy this, but it's not over the top good. It's nothing that is going to make me salivate just thinking about. That exact response should be a requirement for beverages that get 5-Bottles on Thirsty Dudes. I mean if it were served to me I could pound bottle after bottle of this, but at the same time I could walk away after a couple of sips and not think about it again once the aftertaste faded away.

The contents of this juice are: 2 large apples, ¼ pineapple, 1 medium yellow pepper, 1/5 of a cucumber, 2 limes, and 3 mint leaves. For having so many ingredients that normally have such potent flavor, a bunch of them are very faint in the mix. The mint is only there as a coolness, and not as a flavor. I can't believe that two whole limes were squeezed to make this, because their flavor is so much in the background. In regards to flavor this is basically a hyped up apple juice. I want so badly for the pineapple to be stronger, but it doesn't quite get there. That yellow pepper is certainly there though. It's strange at first, but once you get used to it being mixed with the sweetness of the apples, it's quite nice.

I really have nothing bad to say about this at all, I just wanted more from it. It has all the health benefits you could ever want from a juice, along with a nice flavor. I'm just so hard to please these days.

So my computer up and died on me and here I am writing my first review on my new processor of ones and zeros. I would like to say that my old one fried because of this soda, but unfortunately that is not the case. Nothing again Begley or Bill, but I am simply not a fan of bananas at all, and to be honest I have been dreading drinking this. I fully expected to take a sip and want to spit it all over my computer in disgust, but you know what? These crazy folks someone made banana palatable, and in a diet version.

The secret to their success is that this doesn't taste like a gross mushy fruit. Instead it tastes like a not as sweet banana Runt candy with a little bit of caramel mixed in. This somehow doesn't taste diet at all, yet it has zero sugar and it's only 8 calories. They are truly onto something with this SweetenFX mixture they developed. It's healthy without having a specific taste that overpowers the real flavors of the soda.

If you are dumb and are a banana purist, this may not be for you, but if your taste buds work correctly and you find these yellow fruits to be utterly disgusting, don't write off this soda. This might be just what you need in your life.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Could one of you please clue me in as to when I started to actually enjoy the coconut flavor? I'm going to say for at least 30 years of my life it was the bane of my existence. Many a bake good were ruined with the shavings of this food stuff. Any beverage that it was associated with that I tried tasted like sun tan lotion to me. I simply hated it with every fiber of my being. Now here I am sipping on a sucralose sweetened coconut mango sparkling water, and flat out enjoying it. I don't know what has happened. Is there a tear in the fabric of the universe and I'm getting a glimpse of some opposite dimension? If me enjoying coconuts were the only thing this dimensional rift caused it would be the worst story line ever and would be too dumb for even a SyFy original movie.

I still hate toasted coconut, so not that much has changed, but I am enjoying this. There is mostly mango flavoring this thing (well mango and artificial sweetener), but there are nice little coconut tinges around the edges.

Actually let's ignore the whole coconut thing. The real question is how am I enjoying something that is sweetened with sucralose this much? I mean I wouldn't rush out to buy more, but I would happily drink it if someone handed me a bottle. It still tastes diet, but not in the classic gross way. That is the true accomplishment of this beverage. Stand proud Cascade Ice, you have made a breakthrough on two fronts.

Jay and I are not fine food eaters. We do not tuck our napkins in our shirts when we eat. Heck, I don't even use napkins. When we go out, we just go real easy. We don't always necessarily go "safe" but we take what's there. We are not beggars nor are we choosers.

Today, our adventure to an island that did not prove to be as "great" as it claimed to be and out plans went south so we had to make other arrangements. Those arrangements? Taco Bell, Trader Joe's, and Guitar Center. When we go, we go big and get fun new varieties of Mountain Dew and I got this, a Freeze. I haven't been to Taco Bell in a while but this is a new thing that they most certainly did not invent, as it's just a Slurpee. Vanilla Dr. Pepper, though. That is something. It's not exactly my highly desired cherry chocolate Dr. Pepper but it's something. So how "something" was it? It was just something, really. Perhaps not enough vanilla. Sure a Dr. Pepper Slurpee is wonderful but I would have liked a little bit more vanilla, you know, because it's what I ordered.

We made the most after other people decided to turn their Memorial Day into a Memorial Extended Weekend. You work at a music store. Aside from people murdering Stairway every twenty-five minutes, you've got it pretty easy.

Mixing this and mixing that, powder and concentrates, frozen or thawed. Everything. Who needs fruit when you can get something in concentrate? Remember when people looked at the future and they said everything would be in pill form? I feel like no one cares about flavor in the future. It's just vitamins and minerals crammed into a pill that tastes like chalk. This mix doesn't taste like chalk. It tastes pretty good. I would eat a pill that tastes like this but that would be a dumb action because I can just drink it and get some actual enjoyment. I can spend time with the flavor.

Country Time is something that we grew up with. Tea, lemonade, and I think juice. Did they make juice? I don't remember. Lemonade mostly. This is a nice mix. It doesn't really taste like a mix, mixes well and doesn't leave any unmixed remnants, and doesn't taste diet while still retaining a low calorie count. It is sour like lemonade would be but doesn't have a strong bite. It tastes like lemonade but doesn't feel like lemonade. The tea is a pretty standard sweetened tea, not a sweet tea, which is fine. Unless you're making sweet tea, you can almost do whatever you want to tea. Those are my rules and guidelines about tea.

I've had about three glasses of it and like it. I certainly hope that someone helps me drink the pitcher that I made so I don't guiltily drink the whole thing but if they don't, I can stretch it out. You stretch it out with some friends. Make a mix. Make a pitcher of mix for you and friends.

If I know anything it's that this is a leftover promotional relic from the HBO show Dream On. To be fair, I don't know anything about said show. Up until now I thought that Larry Sanders was on it, which is apparently not true. There it is though, right at the top of the bottle, “Dream On.” Actually, maybe someone in Aerosmith owns this company. They did have that one song that sounded like nothing else in their catalog that had the same nomenclature.

Whoever is responsible, rock star or film star, they have come up with a decent shot beverage that doesn't taste too terribly disgusting. I mean with all shots there is a level of concentrate that causes the flavor to be a little off, but this has a nice berry flavor to it that tastes a bit like candy, even though it's sweetened with stevia. Since you would generally just slug this thing back I doubt anyone would even realize the stevia was there. It's more berry than poison-shot in the taste department, and there's not much else one could ask for. Oh it also definitely knocked me right out 10-15 minutes after downing it. I guess that functionality is something I could have asked for, and received.

Essentia sounds like the name of some sort of elixir from a fantasy realm. You defeat an enemy and pick up the satchel of Essentia that your vanquished foe has on his/her person. I guess that could be accurate. Water had to be like gold for those traveling across the lands in fantasy, and in the olden days. H2O is a heavy material, and there is only so much you can carry, or pack on your horse. Relying on finding lakes and streams had to be nerve wracking. Water is essential to life, and it is the true elixir in this world as well as any fantasy realm.

The modern Essentia is purified by reverse osmosis, infused with electrolytes, and restructured using Ionic Separation Technology in order to achieve a perfect 9.5pH that perfectly hydrates. I used to be one of the people who claimed that all bottled waters were the same, and why not just drink filtered tap water (you gotta avoid the junk that's in the tap if you can). That is before I was introduced to water with a higher pH. For those not in the know, normal bottled water is at 7, and this is at 9.5. The result is water that somehow tastes smoother and more pure. I don't really understand how this works, but the proof is in the pudding, or the aqua in this case.

I still don't buy bottled water, unless I'm out and I forgot my metal water bottle that I normally carry, but if I were I would definitely go for something like this. It blows the other generic garbage out of the water. Yes, pun intended.

This should be addressed as it's staring me right in the face; Elvira looks fantastic on this bottle. She's her standard, sexy vampiress, but she's wearing this one-piece leotard slash bathing suit and looks like she should be in a White Snake video. Elvira, you look great, as always.

"Great" unfortunately does not describe this drink. Black cherry is unfortunately one of those drinks I have to just lump into the "forever mediocre" fruit pop category. Fruit pop is only as good as good and is never exceptional. This is no different. It's thick and kind of reminiscent of a cough syrup because of it. It doesn't taste medicinal but has the syrupiness of one.

Elvira, you keep up the good work. Whatever you're doing works. It works very well. This pop though, you can leave this in your dust.