Soda Pop - 1421 Reviews

A couple weeks ago was the annual Gathering of the Juggalos. Sadly I did not attend (nor have I ever), but I can still enjoy the festival from the comfort of my home thanks to blogs, digital cameras, and Youtube. My favorite article thus far is Buzz Feed's 89 Things I Learned at the Gathering of the Juggalos.

Every year, as I mull over the thousand's of photos of ICP fans camping in the middle of the woods, I always learn something. This year I learned that ICP prefers to use 2 liters of diet Faygo to drench the crowd during their set. Their reasoning apparently is because it's less sticky than the high fructose corn syrup bottles and they are also physically lighter so they are able to throw them much farther into the crowd. I can't really attest to either of those, but I'll take their word on it because they definitely have more experience with Faygo than I do.

The one thing I can comment on is the taste. This is a pretty standard cream soda, there's nothing special about it. It has a nice vanilla flavor, but the fake sugar aftertaste cuts right though it. While it's not the worst diet pop I've ever had, I've had much better. Maybe I should go to the mall and spray the rest of this on some juggalos. They'd probably give me a high five and start chanting "fam-il-y! fam-il-y! fam-il-y!"

This, to me, could be the start of my drink obsession. My parents used to bring me to the fair every year when I was a kid. Young like four probably. Could be less. Every year, I remember going to get birch beer. It was the same booth in the same place every single year and after awhile, I would look forward to it. My parents would get me a small cup of birch beer and that would be that. The rides were second to me getting this drink. I "grew up" and we stopped going to the fair. Probably because for the six of us it was going to cost my dad over a hundred dollars after parking, food, admission, and probably some rides and games. Midway, if you will.

I probably took a good ten to fifteen years off from going to the fair. It just wasn't important and none of my friends drove and there were fairs that were closer that we would go to. You don't have to go to every fair. Little did I know that my little mind still held on to my true love; that birch beer.

I went a few years back and it slipped my mind and all I bought was pulled taffy which I then forgot I bought, tried to eat two or three days later, realized that there is about a one day span where you can eat it, and discouragingly had to throw it away. Not this year, man. Same place. It was like it never left. I asked the ladies behind the counter if it could be bought anywhere in bottles or cans and they said you can only get it at "the fair". I don't know if it's a traveling thing or what, but if it was ever sold in stores or even there in some intimate and overpriced six pack, you know I'd lose my mind and buy like seventeen cases and be the happiest kid ever.

Why would I not forget it? It's just a drink and yeah, the last time I had it, I was probably like ten years old, but let me tell you; you don't forget. Today brought it all back. It's super dark and very rich. It's got all the right spices and is perfectly sweetened. There might have been anise or licorice and I'm sure if I asked them they wouldn't have told me. It was very dark in color, too. Not too carbonated but far from flat. Just an explosion of flavor every sip. I've had some that compare, none that I can do so now, but it's good.

I can't find much on the company. Only that it's owned by a local couple, who celebrated their fiftieth wedding anniversary in 2009. I would like to let them know that they turned me into the monster that I am today and legitimately thank them.

M - Oh my god Jenny like what are you doing?
J - I'm like totally talking to Brad on the other line. He's such a hunk!
M - As if! He doesn't even have a convertible! You should like totally hang up on him and pick me up so we can go to the mall.
J - But Mindy we were just at the mall yesterday. Actually we've been to the mall everyday for the past 8 months. We even went on Xmas.
M - I know aren't we like totally hardcore! So just shut up. You know you love the mall as much as I do, so get your skinny little butt in your Mustang and drive over here. I hear that the mall diner totally has a new root beer.
J - OH MY GOD! I was totally just talking to Brad about that! He told me that it doesn't taste so much like a root beer. He said it's more like a cola that was brewed with some of the ingredients that were left over from a batch of high quality root beer. He said he didn't even realize that it was a root beer until he was halfway done and read the label! Can you believe that! What a dreamboat! He also said that it has a decent amount of vanilla in it and something else that might be a total butt load of wintergreen or maybe some cloves. He just kept going on and on about how awesome it was though.
M - Jenny, what the hell just happened there? You totally sounded like you were from the Midwest or something.
J - Mindy we live in rural Iowa, we do live in the Midwest, we just like totally love the mall.
M - Whatever girl. Just come pick me up. That food court is calling our names.

It had been a long day in the studio. Bruce Springsteen & the E Street Band we're hard at work recording their "come back" album The Rising. Today had been particularly hard. The Boss was being a real taskmaster and was laying it really heavy on Little Steven. You see all of the music was done being tracked, and now they were working on vocals. Being the professional he is Bruce hit all his parts in one take. When I say one take I mean it. He sang all 15 songs in a row with no breaks, one time through. He didn't even wait for the Brendan O'Brien to load the next track. It sang them all a cappella while the tape ran. It was truly a sight to behold. After he was done and the tracks had been added to the proper song is when the problems started. Little Steven went into the booth to sing his harmonies and he just couldn't hit them because of a dry throat. Bruce just kept telling him to drink some water, but Steven protested. You see he was under contract with HBO for his work in The Sopranos. Part of that contract was that he could only imbibe Sopranos brand soda. Normally he would sneak water and no one would be the wiser, but in the studio they were filming everything for a documentary. He would obviously get caught and sued. Things got so bad that Clarence had to drive all the way out to Newbridge, NJ to pick him up a couple of bottles. Since the show was wrapping up production of the soda had stopped and all the store had left was the amaretto flavor. Little Steven downed a bottle of this strange fake liquor soda with its almond flavoring that is far too strong to seem natural in a soda. Seriously I feel like it's supposed to be mixed with something like the actual liquor. Little Steven loves almonds and it was still hard for him to get through an entire bottle, but he is a champ and he did it. He then marched right into that vocal booth and I'll be damned if he didn't give one of the best performances of his life.

You don't believe me? Watch the video footage it's all in there.

PS. Tony totally dies at the end of the series. I don't care what anyone else says. The screen goes blank like when he got shot before, except this time the music cuts dead instead of fading out. Deal with it.

Sit down kids; I have a story to tell you. It's about Celon's Mythical Creme Soda. For hundreds of years people have thought it didn't exist. It was the holy grail of cream soda's to some people. But I'm here to tell you that it's real, and I've had it! It's a smooth cream soda with a really nice vanilla/almond taste to it. I know the rumors said it was a bitter cream soda but they were wrong. The other rumor about it being made of the blood of Celon is wrong too. What's that? No I can't divulge where I got the bottle. Let's just say I have a feeling the National Historical Society is going to be really mad in the morning and I might have to flee to Canada.

2 liter bottles are the worst form of packaging for soda to come in. Okay 3 liters are actually worse, and I suppose if a company chose to package their drinks inside of an octopus' stomach that would also be worse. Let's just say out of normal packaging it is the worst.
A. It's plastic, which is inferior to cans, which is inferior to glass bottles.
B. It's too much drink. You generally don't finish it in one sitting and the pop ends up going flat before you get through the whole bottle.
C. If you do finish the entire bottle in a single sitting, you are a glutton and probably are going to end up weighing 398 lbs.

Most companies realize how terrible of an idea these bottles are and forgo using them. Quality companies that is. Generally all you see are Coke and Pepsi products as well as store brands like this one. We went up to Canada on Sunday to get some bookshelves from Ikea. Nothing is better for LPs. We stopped at a grocery store and I saw this on the shelf for $1.19. I'm not one to ever pass up a ginger beer I haven't tried, even when I expect the worst. I made my purchase, made my way out to my car, took a photo in the bottle and cracked it open like the impatient American that I am. While it was in my mouth it tasted like an average root beer. Then I swallowed and the ginger beer flavor became more apparent. Two seconds later a very decent burn swept over my throat.

This is a shockingly decent ginger beer. It's not the best I've tasted, but it's far from the worst, which is what I expected. I still think 2 liters are a terrible idea, and this is most definitely going to go flat before I finish it, but flavor wise it was pretty darn good.

Dear Red Ribbon,
Where do you come off? Your name might as well have a self appointed crown on top of it. Also, on your label it says "The Taste Test Winner". What taste test? THE taste test? Were there any other entries in this taste test? I demand a recount! Don't get me wrong; your root beer is good. It has a great smell to it, but the taste isn't anything special. It is definitely nothing to write home about, let alone deserve to win a taste testing. The only taste test I can see this possibly winning is "The Annual Newbridge Mediocre Root Beer Competition".

Sincerely,
Derek


**********************EDIT**********************
We got an email from Vito who has recently taken over the Natrona Bottling Company which makes this soda. When he took over he revamped the companies labels and agreed that the taste test winner claim was well...dumb. I changed the picture to the new label. He also asked if we would have another go with the root beer. Here I am doing just that, and unfortunately I'm not too impressed. It's not bad by any means, but it doesn't stick out. Like Derek said, it has a nice strong smell, but the flavor isn't quite there. It reminds me of store brand root beer, except it's made with real sugar, so it's a bit better.
-Jason

Before I go into how this pop is pretty tasty I first have to ask; can a soda be considered gourmet if it is sweetened with HFCS and has no actual fruit juice in it (well maybe that's part of the natural flavoring)? I don't think this is a run of the mill store brand soda, but by no means would I call it gourmet. Like I said before it's pretty tasty. It has a fruitiness to it that is something like artificial strawberries and oranges mixed together. I enjoy it, but I refuse to accept it as gourmet.

Sharon, I'm telling you chewing 37 pieces of bubble gum at once is not a smart move. You're going to throw your jaw out of its socket. Of course jaws have sockets how do you think they move? There you've gone and done it. You have 37 assorted brands of bubble gum and you're chewing them all at once. You're just lucky if you ask me. Hey that's my birch beer! Why are you drinking that with all that gum in your mouth? You're just being a glutton now. What's that? It tastes like carbonated bubble gum with a slight aftertaste of birch beer? I would imagine the gum would overpower the soda, I mean you do have 37 pieces in your mouth. Of course it's sickly sweet. You just mixed a butt load of gum and soda. I can't believe how much you're enjoying that. Don't go for 38!

*POP!*

I'll go pull the car around and take you to the hospital. It's a good thing Real Soda makes Girlan Pink Birch Beer since everything you'll be consuming for the next few weeks is going to be through a straw and you can't seem to get enough of bubble gum.

On a side note Mike got called out for being sexist in a review last week. I thought it was funny that the reader complained that he equated something he didn't like to the female gender. He did say it was a "girl's drink" but it wasn't because he didn't like it. I thought it was hilarious and ridiculous that the reader took offense to something that wasn't even stated, yet took no offense to the actual sexist statement that it was a girl's drink because it was pink. This drink is pink, it's called "Girlan," and the bottle says, "It brings out the little flower in you." I'm sure someone is going to have a field day with that.

When Pinocchio was released in 1940 actor Jiminy Cricket was riding high. He was invited to all of the parties thrown by Hollywood's elite. He was rarely if ever seen out on the town without a beautiful girl and boy on each of his arms. Some might say he owned the city for that year. Unfortunately Jiminy soon found out that there wasn't much work available in films for crickets. In the late 40's he did a couple of television commercials, and then faded completely from the public eye. Like with many fall from grace stories there were rumors of drug addiction and prostitution. In 1953 Jiminy was found dead in his shoebox apartment on the lower east side of New York. The coroner ruled the cause of death an overdose on Black Flag. Jiminy had apparently taken up mainlining the stuff.

In the years that followed paternity suits popped up. The courts threw out hundreds of cases and it wasn't until 1983 when John Cricket came forward that an heir to Jiminy's royalties was named. Coming from a rich background, John had no personal need for the inheritance. As a result he invested it all into making soda. His specialty was a cola that he infused with two cups of his father's favorite drink; green tea. The soda had a strong tea flavor that outweighed that of the cola. The cane sugar overpowered the bitterness of the tea and gave it a nice rounded out clean flavor. It also has a slight herbalness to it. That was fine for the collectors who wanted to get their paws on everything Jiminy related.

...and this ladies and gentlemen will conclude our tour of historic London. You've seen the Jack the Ripper locations, Parliament, Buckingham Palace and some cathedrals. For our final destination I give you Big Ben. This "clock tower" is one of the most recognizable structures in all of England. What most people don't know is that the framework of the building is entirely made up of bottles of soda. Many people try to call my bluff at this point in the tour and point out that soda bottles could never be structurally sound. My retort is that this was built in a time when companies sold soda in reusable bottles. Have you ever seen those things? They are really strong. Many different types of pop bottles were used for different parts of the building. The actual area around the clock is completely constructed from ginger beer bottles. You can tell by the green tint to them. Something about a ginger beer that is sweet and flavorful, with just a slight kick to it, resulted in the perfect bottles for that area. The flavor of the specific ginger beer that used to be housed in those bottles taunted the drinker. It really tasted like it should have a very strong burn to it, but in the end it just had a very strong flavor.

Bottles of the same recipe can be purchased in the gift shop for a modest fee of 15 quid. Yes I understand that is a ridiculous price and you could probably purchase the same soda in eastern Pennsylvania for $1.50, but what you're purchasing here is a piece of history and who wants to leave London without a bottle of culture?

Surprise, John! It's a celebration! You made it through initiation. I know this last month has been tough and we've been tough on you but you made it. Remember when Tim, the mailman, put an entire box of thumbtacks on your chair and then you sat on it? That was classic. Oh, do you remember when Carol, from accounting, put that eel in your sandwich and watched you eat it? I can't believe it. Then when she told you it was an electric eel and you started screaming; priceless. Ha ha, I just remembered when Bob, the night watchman, pulled his gun out on you when you were walking to your car. That dude, man, parts of me thought that you were going to cry, seriously, I thought you were going to cry.

So, in celebration of you making it through the hazing, we bought you this four-pack of Steaz grape sparkling green tea. It's pretty good. It tastes like light non-alcoholic champagne and since old man Dalrymple won't let us drink at work, this is the best we can do. It's good, though. It tastes like real concord grapes and although I don't get a lot of green tea taste, it's just the right amount of everything else to be awesome.

So you don't have to worry about us always eating your yogurt, putting Vasoline on your door handles, breaking your pencils, telling your wife you are at a "pay by the hour" motel when she calls, or any of that stuff. Welcome to First National Bank!

Seeing that I am now 32, I own my own business and I have an apartment with my ladyfriend I think it's safe to say I am an adult, or a grown up if you will. Now that I fit into that demographic I can finally drink this brand of soda without feeling like I am cheating. If anyone really felt that way, they are either obviously an actual child between the ages of 2 and 7, or they have some serious issues that they should probably see a specialist about. Feeling guilt over a soda is just plain dumb, unless you stole it from someone else, or you're cheating on your diet.

This pop is "for grown ups" because it's not as sweet as most sodas and it's also dry. I'm not exactly sure what it is that makes a soda dry, but I know I'm drinking one as soon as it hits my lips. Maybe it is just that there is less sugar in it. I tried to "Wiki" it, but all that come up was stuff about the company Dry Soda. All that aside this is a great tasting pop. Both the cranberry and the lime are fighting to be on the forefront of flavor town. That definitely gives it more of a sparkling juice flavor than a soda flavor. It is fairly dry, which is a nice change of pace from all the overly sugary sweet sodas that are out there. I love them but sometimes I need a break, so get off my back!

Ugh, we've been on this road forever. When can we stop? I'm super thirsty and have to pee like crazy. Seriously, how long is Route 66 and do the radio stations have some sort of monopoly over the airwaves because all they've played since we touched this dumb road is covers of "Route 66". Every channel. I thought it was funny for a while but we've been driving for nineteen hours straight and all they've played is the same song covered by different people. It's driving me insane. Oh, stop there! Stop there!

Do you want something to drink? I'll be right back.

Oh, God. You wouldn't believe it in there. It was torturous. There was just Route 66 memorabilia everywhere. Floor to ceiling. Everything from records to street signs to shirts to so many shirts. Holy crap. It was one giant gift shop with a Port-O-Potty out back. They had merch in the actual bathroom and it was unusable. It was so stupid. I did get this Route 66 root beer, which was $5.99 so it had better be worth it.

What do you think? Yeah? Let me try. Yeah, you're right. It's root beer. It's a medium root beer, not too light and not too dark. It's got some complexity to it and I think there might be some anise or licorice but I can't be sure. That would be considered "Natural and Artificial Flavorings" I assume, and I have no idea what "quillaia" is, but that's in there, too.

Seriously, the Hoover Dam had better be worth this drive because aside from the Depeche Mode cover of Route 66, I am going to grab the wheel when you aren't looking and drive into a cow or off a cliff or into a bridge.

I have been waiting to try this bottle for a while now. I had heard good things about Capt'n Eli's soda so I was excited when I found this at Village Candy. The classic look of the label made me think this was going to be a premium ginger beer. Sadly, I was a bit let down. It's good, but not great in my opinion. It has a nice ginger flavor to it with a slight burn aftertaste. But it doesn't have the deep burn that I love with ginger beer. The kind of burn that makes my lips sting, and makes me wait minutes in-between sips.

So in a nutshell, good (not great) tasting ginger beer with a mild to slightly medium burn. I think the barrels that boy on the label is taking off with in the boat is the good stuff. Stupid kid.

It's no secret that hip-hop artists drink Cristal when they are partying to show off their riches. I may have just completely dated myself there. Is that still a thing, or did it die off in the late 90's? Either way, it's a little known fact that those who are fans of flavor country, but don't drink alcohol down bottles of Kristall in the same situations.

This is my second flavor of this fine product and both have completely blown my socks off. Literally. I had to go across the room, pick them up and put them back on my feet. They are so light and bubbly, but still jam packed with fruit flavor. In my dream world all fruit flavored pop would be like this. It's not syrupy and it actually tastes like raspberries, not sugar or some other sweetener. It also comes in a very classy and classic looking bottle.

Kristall for when you want to party fancy style. Anything else would be uncivilized....or something.

I have never eaten guarana, but I think I would love it. Every drink I've ever had with guarana has been incredible. Take this wonderful bottle of Bawls Guarana Exxtra. It has the standard (but still awesome) bottle with little bumps all over it. I've had the original, and the G33K B33R, but this is my first time drinking the Exxtra. I didn't realize until I was half way through the bottle that it was a diet drink. It's really sweet and has a great guarana taste, but there is no diet taste at all. It tastes lighter than the original flavor of Bawls, but just as good.

Hats off to you Bawls for making the best tasting diet energy drink I've ever had. Good work!

You may ask yourself may questions when drinking this drink such as, "What is a tropifruit?" and "Is this made from Rainforest?" and the ever popular, "How can you be a carbonated drink and call yourself an anti soft drink?" I'm going to answer these questions three for you right here and now.

What is a tropifruit
Tropifruit is apparently a slew of "tropical fruits" including mango, passion fruit, and guava. The flavor is there of the fruits, but there is something else going on. A bit of an over saturation of...something. Remember in seventh grade when you were in science class and you learned about over saturation by putting salt into a glass of water? Some of it would mix in but as soon as you added too much, it would start to accumulate and coagulate on the bottom or top. I found that happening in this can. I don't know if it was the fruit flavors or the other natural ingredients but I found that there was a bit of "too muchery" in there.

Is this made from a Rainforest?
Hardly. The company actually donates money from each purchase of their product to save the rainforest. That is an ambitious task and should not be overlooked.

How can you be a carbonated drink and call yourself an anti soft drink?
That's a good question. I believe it's because they actually have green tea, ginseng, and or "tried and true" traditional ingredients including a couple new cats like Stevia, which I think was laid on a little thick and gives this drink a very sweet taste. It's all-natural so, as opposed to most other soft drinks, it ranks pretty high in the ingredient department.

I'm on the fence about this one. On one side, the fruit flavor is good, they do well for the environment, and the drink is kind of good for you but on the other side, the sweetener and extra ingredients kind of take away from an otherwise good drink. I'm torn. What do you think?

I used to want to go to Jamaica. I think I was young and I actually don't really like Bob Marley. Yeah, yeah, I know. There is more to Jamaica than Bob Marley, but when you're sixteen, there isn't much that you know about foreign countries. If I was sixteen and was transported at the blink of an eye to Jamaica, I would have been lost. I don't know what I would have done. I would have had to get a job at sixteen and blend in. I'm not a tourist, I can tell you that right now. I don't like when people think that I am not from where I am. I often get mad when I think that people don't know that I'm from where I live, like I'm a student at the grocery store, buying Ramen to sustain myself when I actually own a house in the city that I shop in. Maybe that last one was just me, but you know where I'm coming from. I want to blend in. I want people to think that I'm one of them. As a white, sixteen year old is not something that is going to be easy.

First step, find the local watering hole and get a ginger beer. Yeah, that's how I'll do it. I'll start by drinking the hottest ginger beer they've got. I'm from Buffalo where everything is drenched in spicy sauce. I can handle it and that will earn the respect of the natives. I would go to the bartender and say, "I'll take Jamaica's Finest ginger beer, please." and the crowd would go silent awaiting my first sip of the dangerously spicy drink. I would take a sip and you could hear a pin drop while the verdict is being determined. "Very nice." I would say as the crowd exploded with happiness. They would then pick my chair up and carry me around the city because a little dude such as myself conquered such a spicy drink. When interviewed by the local Kingston Bee, I would give the review "It's spicy but sweet. It's got a nice, thorough bite. It is slightly less hot than Goya's ginger beer, but a solid ginger beer and a definite standby." The would print my article on the front page of the paper with an image of me surrounded by bottles of Jamaica's Finest which was donated to me by the Jamacian (Pennsylvania) Government. I am finally one of them. I made it. Success.

If Paula Deen called me up and said, "Mikey, I'm cordially invitin' myself to y'all's house this Thursday and y'all'r gonna make me supper." I would have no idea what to make. She's a world-renowned chef and I'm some jerk kid with a sweet/gross beard who drinks stuff. She's got to be expecting something good, and no, hot dogs are not good enough for Paula Deen. I'm not going to make anything she couldn't blow me out of the water with so I'm going to have to prepare something out of this world, like steak with macaroni and cheese inside of it with a side of macaroni and cheese with steak in it. She's probably never seen that and I would at least have the element of surprise on my side. Darn, she'll want another side because one side is simply not enough for a guest. What am I going to make? I've clearly got nothing in my shelves based on my theoretical main course and initial side. Apples? Sliced apples as a side? I can put some brown sugar on there. Done. That's got some color and sweetness to offset the salty, cheesy meal. I'll make regular corn, too, out of the bag, boiled. Why? Corn is a great compliment to any meal.

To wash it down, without a doubt, this mint julep pop. Sure, I could do sweet tea, but riddle me this, friends; do you think that I can serve her a sweet tea that she wouldn't scoff at? I know, she seems like the nicest woman ever on TV, but do you think that she got to the top of the charts by being nice? She's got some want and competition in that bubbly personality that would knock the toughest Ironman on his dumb feet. She'll probably sit down, eat my disgusting meal, and then try and wash it down with this minty drink and say, "You'all's know what you're doing with this meal." Know why? This minty pop will disguise the abomination that she just ingested and she'll forget all about it. It's real sugar and she'll like that and it says plantation so she'll forget about the wool I tried to pull over her eyes and talk about the South, which is all I wanted to do during this entire meal anyhow.

Mike: 1.
Paula Deen: 1,891,954.