Soda Pop - 1421 Reviews

Waist Watcher? More like weight watcher? Am I right? What, sir? Oh, that's the gag? Oh, well I guess that's not a great joke. Well, have you had this stuff? I mean, come on, people, ginger ale? More like ginger pale, Am I right? Oh, pale ginger ale exists? Geez, tough crowd. Well, alright. How about this one? If you're fat, you shouldn't be drinking pop to begin with. Bam! Sir, please give me a break. I've only been doing comedy for seventeen years. I can't get it right all the time. I wrote this material on the plane ride over from Sandusky and they served this on the plane. I mean, come on. What plane doesn't have Coke or Pepsi? It seems like an industry standard. This stuff, it's like fake carbonated sugar only. The only ginger ale you get is when you burp and although burping is fun, it's hardly worth the effort and torture it takes to drink this.

Alright sir, I've been working on this bit for a while, try it on for size. Did you hear about this Lorena Bobbitt lady? You have? Hmm. Well you've been a wonderful crowd, that's my five...er...one minute. Good night!

The other flavor of Sipp I had was absolutely incredible. It was one of the best beverages that I have come across in my time here at Thirsty Dudes. With this one they missed the mark a bit.

I love cherries and cherry flavored things. I am not a huge fan of black cherry beverages. I also love berries, all kinds including blackberries, which happen to be my favorite. This drink doesn't taste so much like blackberries as it does a black cherry version of a berry. I don't mean it tastes like black cherry, but whatever the difference is between a regular cherry and a black cherry is what is happening to this berry. I wonder if it's the mint interfering with the blackberry. At first I didn't think I could taste mint, but when I think about it there is a flavor that very well might be the mint. The lime? The lime is fine. It's right where it should be.

I'd like to try this without the mint. I think I would really like it then. Now it's just kind of there. It's not good or bad like uncooked celery.

Stop your complaining Mark. You drew the short straw so you have to go to the store for snacks. You're not going to be able to go to the corner store either. We have some needs and they must be filled. You're going to have to go to the Co-Op for this. I need 20lbs of raw almonds. Don't get that roasted garbage. I need them raw. Also pick up a few things of cane sugar. Yes by things I mean canes. "Canes of cane sugar" just sounds dumb. Okay fine. Canes of sugar. There, are you happy? Oh yeah and get a couple of bottles of seltzer water. I'm going to make you guys the best almond soda you've ever had. What's that Mark it's going to cost over $100 for all of that stuff? I thought you were a master thief? Can't you just lift it for us? Oh you got caught last week at Coldstone Creamery? What were you stealing there, wait, I don't want to know. Fine be a party pooper, just pick us up a sixer of Red Ribbon's Almond Cream. It probably tastes better than what I was going to make anyways. Their soda tastes extremely almondy, but without tasting like almond extract. That should be like $5. Oh and you can pay for it too. Deal with it.

On a recent trip to the rain forest, Carl got lost. He was in the forest and no it wasn't raining. He did have a khaki bucket hat on and a Hawaiian shirt on, so he fit the bill. He also had cargo shorts and boots on, so you know he was semi-pro. He wasn't in love with nature, but he felt that he had to make it to the rain forest once before he died. A few of his friends went down on a cruise and he wandered off and hasn't been seen for hours. He's known for that kind of crap.

Carl is in the forest, walking around. He's hearing sounds that he's never heard before and seeing monkeys just jumping from tree to tree. It's awesome. Lions are walking around all casual-like and there are scarlet macaws just whizzing by his head trying to take his dumb hat off. He's getting a little thirsty and thinks to himself, "Man, I'm getting thirsty. I wish I hadn't used my good water to wash some dirt off my hands." Just as he said that, he walked into a clearing. He squinted his eyes to adjust to the light and a small form came into focus. It was a tiny bar with one man at it. He walked up to it and sat down at one of the chairs. The bartender, who was washing one cup said, "What can I get you?" to which Carl responded, "What've you got?" The bartender gave him a look and then moved the sign, which had the two drinks that they served very easily readable printed on it. His choices were Rainforest citrus pop and tiger blood. He obviously chose the Rainforest pop.

"This is pretty good." he said, wiping the sweat from his head from wearing that dumb hat all day. "It tastes a little like a Sprite but a little bit more bitter, but in a good way," he said. "Can you buy this in America?" he said to the bartender. The bartender nodded "yes" and ducked down behind the bar, as if to say, "Carl, you have had your drink and I am done with you."

Carl, who knew when it was time to leave, left and just as he stood up, he could see the resort in the clearing and realized that he hadn't been lost in the rain forest, but he has been drunk and wandering around the resorts mini-golf course. Carl had the time of his life that day and it was mostly all in a drunken stupor. As he turned around, the mini bar and bartender were gone. He looked down in his hand and noticed that he still had the can of Rainforest citrus pop. "Strange" he said, as he walked back up the lynx to meet up with his friends.

When I was a kid, I used to have Estes rockets. They were awesome. I can't wait to buy them for my son and take all the precautions I didn't as a kid. I would go to the hobby shop, pick up one that I liked, buy a couple rockets, and head home to put it all together. I'd paint it and I had a rad launch pad with remote detonator so that I didn't blow my adolescent fingers off.

You could buy different rockets. Letters signifying power identified most of them. Some rockets could only handle a certain restriction of rocket so the thing didn't explode when you launched it. Some rockets were two stage rockets, which means they have two separate bursts of fuel. This drink is like a dual stage rocket.

First sip is a bit of a calm black cherry taste. Once you find yourself asking where the sweetness is, stage two kicks in with a rush of super sweet Stevia. After those stages of the flavor rocket are complete, the descent happens where they all kind of comes together for a limited time as a pretty nice aftertaste. The aftertaste keeps you coming back for More and is definitely the best part.

I used to launch my rockets with my parents and friends and they constantly got caught in trees or I just couldn't find them when they came down. If I have one bit of advice, paint all your rockets in bright or even fluorescent colors. You can get this drink when you are on your way to launch HQ.

Awhile back I was visiting St Louis on tour, hanging out with my friend Erika. We went to a couple of record shops and then to a little deli. I had a root beer that I was drinking, so I didn't get a beverage, but she insisted on buying me this bottle of Vess, stating that it was her favorite cream soda ever. It is now more than two months later and I finally decided to have a go with it. I can't tell you how many times I planned on drinking this. I would go to the fridge dead set on cracking it open only to pick it up look at it for a few seconds and then put it back on the shelf. I have a big problem with pop that comes in plastic bottles. It's been beaten into my brain that by default they are of a lower quality. It's also sweetened with HFCS, which can give me stomach issues.

I finally made myself drink it the other day on a short road trip to Fredonia, NY. I was shocked at how much I enjoyed it. I expected pure carbonated sugar water with a vague cream soda flavoring, but this is bold and smooth. It's very creamy tasting, the way a good cream soda should be. It also is pink, so it has that ever so slight berry flavoring to it. This has the quality of a soda that should come in a glass bottle. If it had I would have drank it long ago, and given Vess the props they deserve.

Erika has never steered me wrong before in the world of movies and comics. I can now add sodas to that list as well.

Awhile back Derek and I went to DC to be judges in the Glass Packaging Institute's yearly awards. It was ridiculously fun, and it made us seem like professionals and not the idiotic storytellers that we truly are. A smaller 8oz bottle of Q Ginger was in the running, and I loved the design. It was simple, yet striking. It had an embossed Q in the glass on the bottom of the bottle, and that is amazing. Above all of that I wanted desperately to try it, but we couldn't open the bottles. I had seem regular Q around, but this was the first time I had hear of Q Ginger. Disappointed that I couldn't drink it I continued on with my judging.

I recently found this huge bottle of it at a local health food store. Even though it was slightly expensive, I had to pick it up. I mean I do have a responsibility to the site, don't I?

The bottle touts that the bubbly fluid contained within is "A Superior Ginger Ale." That is quite a claim, but I was up for the taste challenge. Last night I had some friends over and I figured what better time to drink a fancy bottle of ginger ale then during a rousing game of Trivial Pursuit. As soon as I started pouring glasses, a strong ginger scent greeted my nostrils. I couldn't wait until I got back out to the "gaming area" so I tasted it right there away from prying eyes. This is indeed a superior ginger ale. First off it's made with actual ginger extract. That already gives it an edge that most companies don't have. It also gives it a little kick and burn, but not as strong as a heavy ginger beer. It's just enough to let you know that you're drinking the real deal. Now any company can use real ginger. What separates Q from the rest is that they use agave as a sweetener. I love agave, and I wished more companies used it. It makes drinks just sweet enough. A lot of times when you drink things that use it, you forget that they are even sweetened, because you're not in fear of losing your teeth.

The combination of the ginger and agave are what make this one of, if not the, best ginger ales I've ever had. It's very crisp and clean, the way I like my non-brown sodas. It's worth the extra money to purchase a beverage of such a high quality.

Crap. Here I am the manager of this drive-in restaurant and my entire staff just walked out on me. I guess 12-hour shifts with no breaks just don't work for some people. I don't care about the law and "workers rights." All I care about is that when we are busy (which we always are thanks to the praise our root beer has gotten) that our customers get taken care of in a polite speedy manner. So here and I am it's nearly the dinner rush, what am I to do? Thanks for the offer little Billy, but you're only 7, and while I'd be happy to put you to work, I don't think you could even carry a tray of food without dropping it. Billy it's just you, the dog and me. That's it, the dog! All he does is sit around all day and watch episodes of The Jetsons. I'm sure he's learned enough from watching Astro to deliver some trays of food. I'm a genius! This will work perfectly as long as the health inspector doesn't stop by.
*10 Minutes Later*
Well that was a catastrophe of epic proportions. Why on Earth did I think the dog could deliver the food? Every time I gave him a tray he would walk away with it, dump in on the ground and eat all the food. That ungrateful mutt. I had to close down the restaurant early. The owner is going to kill me. Oh well I guess I'll drown my sorrows with one of these highly spoken root beers. Hmm it's not bad, but I don't see all of the hubbub. It tastes like a decent classic root beer. I guess it is exactly what I would expect to drink at a drive-in restaurant. I think I'm just spoiled with all my fancy brews at home. Oh well it's free and it's decent so bottles up you non-Astro mongrel.

You! Hey you there! Look at me when I'm talking to you. I'm not only talking to you, but I'm pointing directly at you. There you go you big oaf. Yes I'm on the bottle label. You're a quick one aren't ya? I need you to do something for me. Why should you help me? Well how often do you find yourself being spoken to by a drawing of a effeminate man on the label of a bottle of soda? That should be reason enough. No I won't tell you my back-story of how I ended up on this label. I've told it to a thousand people at least and I'm tired of telling it.

You see the thing is I'm here on this label telling you to "Drink Moxie" and normally that's not a problem, but this time I have an issue because I have no idea what Blue Cream tastes like. How can I go around telling people to drink this when I've never tasted it? The thing is I'm contractually bound. No I still won't tell you the rest. Just describe the darn soda to me!

Okay, so you're telling me it tastes like a candied cream soda. Not like the classy brewed ones that taste super creamy and have a super strong vanilla taste. So this still taste like vanilla, but with a bunch of sugar in it. What else? Oh it has a slight berry flavor to it. Well golly how would I ever have guessed that. You must have went to one of those fancy learnin' schools. I would have never guessed that in a million years! Get out of here! You're worthless to me!

I've been blindfolded in a basement for three days. It's not a nice basement either. It's one of those dirt floor basements from the days of old and someone got the floor wet. Perhaps it rained and the foundation leaked and it mudded up the floors. Ugh, why am I here? Why am I doing this? Is pledging to this fraternity that great? What?! What's happening? Why are we in this van? Someone take this blindfold off me! I'm so hungry. I could eat a whole horse. I feel like horsemeat would make good tacos. Listen to me...I've got cabin fever. I'm filled with crazy talk. Horsemeat. Man, what's wrong with me.

Finally, we're out of the van. It was hot and they had the heat turned up all the way. What's that smell? I love it and it's so familiar. Oh, my blindfold is off and what is that?!?!?! The holy grail! Burger King! I'm going to get a dozen double Whoppers. What? Really? We can get whatever we want and as much as we want? Heavens to Betsy! I am going to be a little responsible and get a double Whopper, large french-fry, and regular hamburger, chicken tenders, and a cheeseburger. What? We can't get a drink? Oh, you brought drinks? That's cool. Thanks a lot, brother. I'll take the root beer. Oh, the cane root beer. Nice. I like it. It's a pretty standard root beer taste. A little bit of vanilla and perhaps a little bit of licorice. I like it. Oh, you've got another one for me? Awesome. Oh, a three liter? Really? I can't drink this whole...I have to? It will make me sick. I just ate everything I bought and now you want me to drink three liters of root beer? I can't do it. I have to?! Fine, I'll do it, for brotherhood. No, not the New Order record, although in retrospect, I would have rather have that than the inevitable barf that will happen and here it comes....

My ladyfriend's parents went on vacation awhile back and they brought me a couple or rad looking drinks. They were in glass bottles with burlap, rope and ribbons glued to them. They looked incredible and my mind raced with what type of sodas may be encased. I imagined they were some local pop that the residents of that tropical isle made with fresh fruit and love....lots of love. When I cut off the burlap I was a bit disappointed to see that it was only a Goya grape soda. I have nothing against Goya, but I can find then at a variety of grocery stores around Buffalo. As a result this has sat on my "To Drink" shelf for a few months. Today I decided its day had come.

It tastes exactly like you would expect it too. It has the classic grape soda flavor that is somewhere between melted candy and melted freezie pops. If you were expecting something that tasted more like natural grapes, you would be disappointed. Since it tastes exactly like I expected I am fine with it and I'm going to enjoy the ride.

The tagline on this bottle is: unique, subtle, refreshing, natural. I like making lists so I'm going to break down each bullet point.

1. Unique- This is not the first mint soda I have had. In 2003 I was at the Toronto zoo and came across Sprite Ice. I ended up drinking 3 bottles of it over the course of the day. It was great! Sadly it never was distributed in the US.

2. Subtle- This is the word I was looking for to describe the mint taste in this. It has a really subtle mint taste. I've had some mint drinks that taste like a blizzard in your mouth. Not this one. This is more like a cool breeze sneaking into a doorway as you close it.

3. Refreshing- It's rare that a soda is refreshing, but this one really is. There isn't much to it, but that makes it really light and delicious.

4. Natural- Carbonated water, cane sugar, peppermint (and other natural flavors), and malic acid are the only ingredients. I'd say that's pretty natural.

Maude, those darn bears are at it again. Last night they got into our cherry storeroom and all but cleaned it out. I think there was maybe one case of cherries that they didn't get to. The completely devoured the rest. I'm talking fruit, stems, seeds and all. There was just cherry juice smeared everywhere. Apparently that wasn't enough for them, because they then broke into the root beer storeroom in the next building over. I didn't know bears liked root beer, but I guess if they were going to you're brew would be the way to go honey. That latest batch tasted so dark in the best way possible. It's just nice and bold tasting. I mean we do live out in the country so a root beer made out here should taste that way.

Sorry I got distracted. Back to the bears. They got into the root beer room as I said, and they thrashed five of your barrels. I know how hard you worked on that soda Maude, and I'm sorry. I did tell you that we needed a new door on the room though. There is this one barrel that they left half empty. Ugh there is cherry juice all over it. This is going to be a pain to clean up. WHAT ARE YOU DOING MAUDE? DON'T DRINK THAT! BEARS DON'T USE STRAWS OR CUPS! DO YOU KNOW WHAT IS ON THEIR PAWS MAUDE? POOP AND DIRT AND WHO KNOWS WHAT ELSE! SHUT UP AND TASTE IT? ARE YOU CRAZY?!!?! WHERE ARE YOU GOING? WHERE!??!?!?!

*Maude comes back with a cup half full of mashed up cherries a few moments later. She opens another barrel of root beer and fills the cup the rest of the way.*

Wait this is delicious. Those bears are on to something! This is like 75% root beer and 25% cherry juice, and you can tell it's fresh. If we filter out the chunks we could definitely market this. It's seriously incredible. Bless those bears and their ingenuity. Oh and Maude I'm not kissing you until you go to a doctor. I bet you're all sorts of crudded up with disease from that bear root beer.

Real fruit juice? Check.
No sugar added? Check.
Fortified with vitamins? Check.

There's really not much to say about this drink other than it's great. It doesn't promise much, but it delivers everything it says it does. If Izze is one thing it is that they are truth tellers. Liars need not apply at their company. I appreciate that and I appreciate this drink. It tastes like clementines mixed in with a handful of white grapes. It's also crazy how sweet this is without any added sugar. Further proof that most companies are dumb, or don't use real fruit juice.

I woke up today knowing that I desired a ginger beer. I don't know why, but I saw it on the shelf and said to myself that I hoped this burned my throat. It's such a little bottle. I just knew that it was some sort of concentrated danger. The whole "big things come in small packages" cliche.

I took my first sip and there it was. Burn. If I had to rate the burn on some sort of made up scale, I would say that it has a medium burn. It kicks you in the tonsils but playfully, like when a dog bites you and you can feel their dog teeth but they don't chomp down, making you lose some of your precious digits.

In the case of ginger beer, most of the time I want to battle with non-playful sharks and I just want straight rusty razor blades rushing down my throat, but this is nice, too.

Elves. What is worse than stinkin' elves? Everyone is always like "Oh the elves are so cute. The elves never do anything wrong. Stop beating that elf over the head with that leg of lamb." How is it that I am the only one who can see them for the sneaky little turds that they are?

Here's a perfect example. Last week my barrels of cream soda I have been brewing were just about ready to be drank along with the mead. This morning I went to go check on them and give it a little tasting and four of the five barrels were gone, and the fifth had been drained. Of course I didn't see them do it, but as I stormed out of the still one of those little buggers yelled "Sneak Attack" and they all giggled. I know it was them. They are the ones responsible for all of our goods that go missing. If we went and stormed their fortress in the woods I'm sure we'd find it all. We'd find my sweet, sweet vanilla cream soda. Sure, it might actually be a little too sweet, but I don't see you doing any better. The vanilla taste is great, without leaving much of an aftertaste. Oh man I was so smart to use the inverted cane sugar to sweeten it. It made the soda way less syrupy. I'm getting all worked up now. I want that soda, and if it takes elven blood being spilled for that to happen....SO BE IT!!!

ps: I'd like to say this was a special blend, but it's really just the normal Jones cream soda with a different label.

I always thought it was great when you would go to a diner and you could get Cherry Coke, but it wasn't made that way, they just added cherry syrup to the regular Coke. It always tasted better than the Cherry Coke you buy in bottles/cans.

Caruso's Legacy has taken this a step further, or actually backwards. When diners first began doing this they would use the juice from maraschino cherries to flavor the cola. Nowadays it's a cherry syrup that is manufactured expressly for this purpose, and it's not the same.

This bottle I hold in my hand is more like the original. A cola that is made with cane sugar instead of a gross syrup with maraschino cherry "juice." It tastes like something you would make for a little kid at a family party, and I am all for that. Someone in my family used to make "kiddie cocktails" which were just cherry juice and a random soda. I loved them then, and I love them now. I actually made one at my mom's birthday party a few weeks ago.

If you're a fan of Cherry Coke, put down the swill you're drinking and pick up one of these. You'll never look back.

I was racking my brain once I took a sip of this as to what it tasted like. Yeah, it tastes like cream soda but there is something else going on inside of this lil' bottle. Lil' Bottles. That's a good rap handle for a baby if it was acceptable for babies to rap and if I didn't hate kids singing so much. I think that one version of my personal hell would be to have to listen to all 20 Kidz Bop records on repeat for eternity. I think a place between hell and purgatory would be to have to listen to half of those records once. Ugh, kids singing. The worst. To pop songs, no less. Oh, I've got a great idea. Let's have the worst songs on the radio sung poorly to alright-ly sung by at least three kids at once. Great ideas.

So this drink. It's got a distinct taste and I couldn't put my finger on it. I was doing word associations in my head. Baseball. Gum. Just spitting words out. Then, I got it. The stick to a Lik-M-Aid, or Fun Dip to you new brat kids. It tastes like someone made cream soda with a Fun Dip stick in it. It's super sweet but acceptable somehow.

Do you want to know what a terrible, non-vocal review for a drink is? Letting someone try a drink and then watching them cover it up with Arby's french fries. This drink is not good. It has a cleaning solution taste and although the end is a nice, small little sweet treat, the effort and endurance your poor mouth has to deal with in order to get to "the end" is pretty unbearable.

It just tastes like a citrus mess until the flavor dissipates and leaves you with the sweet Reb-a, or Truvia, which is what they say they're using. I am going to blame this on the flavor division and not the sweetener division, two separate entities that may or may not exist at the Sans Soda factory. I don't know if someone played a practical joke on the flavor team by contaminating their batch of lemon lime behind their backs.

It has been a long time since I've had a good lemon lime pop that stood out from the Sierra Mists and 7-Ups and I thought this would have done the trick. After Thomas Kemper's Naturally Diet Cola, I thought that I was going to have myself a little treat. Instead, I was punished.

Welcome to 1987. I'm eight years old and my two cousins are sleeping over at my house, and I'll be damned if we're not going to beat The Legend of Zelda! My mom got us stocked up on brownies, Twizzlers and Jolt. She wanted to get us store brand cola, but after a lot of begging I convinced her to shell out the cash to get the Jolt. By begging I mean promising I would do a ton of yard work to make up for it. I'll do it, but it will be half-assed by golly! She thought I wanted it because it looks a lot cooler compared to the store brand, but in reality I knew that we were going to need the extra caffeine punch if we were going to make it to Ganon.

You don't see Jolt soda in stores too much these days. You can still find their cans of energy drink, but the actual soda isn't as common. I had never seen this flavor before until I got it at Village Candy in Sewickley, PA. It differs from modern energy drinks because it doesn't have all the extra chemicals in it, just a butt load of caffeine. I actually enjoyed this way more than I expected. I was expecting this to be a cherry cola, but it's a cherry/orange mix (it actually has orange juice as an ingredient) with no cola. It's slightly candied flavor, but not as much as a lot of sodas. I appreciate that this company still exists and that they explored flavors other than straight cola.

Did we beat the game? Eventually, but not that night. We did stay up obscenely late for 8 year olds (probably 1am). That's what Jolt was to me though. It was for those nights when I needed to stay up for some menial task. It's pretty much the same way I look at energy drinks nowadays.