United States - 4098 Reviews

Oh, no. I don't want to do this to Hansen's again. I really like a lot of their products but I have to do this. I owe it to myself so that I may sleep at night and the public since I am the messenger. People come here for professionally written reviews about products the world loves. This, though...phew. What a dump of a drink. It is a liquid. This is true. It tastes like some garbage, diet powder mix drink. Now, I've had some of those that are good, but this would not be one of those. I'm not 100% on Acai's bus. I'm half way out the door with the driver pushing me in so that he can get me, and my fellow riders, to our destination on time. Don't push me, bus driver. I'm not ready to give in, yet. This drink is bitterly sweet like Acai drinks are but, man, uber-sweet and uber-diet.

This is an abomination of a black tea. Black tea should sue Hansen's for the slander that is this drink. As soon as this hits my mouth I am in terror. Diet. Bleh. I've drunk Spenda drinks before but this might take the cake as being some of the worst I've ever had. There are light years of distance between "sugar free" and "unsweetened" and if you don't know that, you should get out of the game and enjoy something else.

Hansens. You know I love you. I love many of your products. If you could remove this and that pineapple drink that I hated from your line, I would give you the highest reward of plugging the daylights out of you, until then, justice.

There is so much sugar in everything. Everyone is getting so fat that Coke just made a "responsible" size so that people aren't just drinking giant, twenty ounce bottles all day. It's nuts. People should have the self control to know that enough is enough. Just because you have twenty ounces available, doesn't mean that you need to drink twenty ounces. I'm not calling you fat but I am saying that you should watch what you eat because you're getting a bit portly. That's nicer, right?

This is a step in the right direction. There are two servings but at thirty-five calories a service, I'll slam this whole bottle and not look back. All the walking around the office I do, I probably burned them up. Up and down the stairs and back and forth from one desk to another probably nixed those bad boys. Can you tell I know nothing about nutrition or fitness?

The tea itself is a simple, black tea. Lightly sweetened with no bite, but a clean, black tea. This is like a tea you could make at home. That simple. It's done well, though and you get the feeling that you're doing all right for yourself. This drink is the raise you earned for hard work. This drink is the A+ on that tough Economics 101 test you just did. This drink is the clean car you get after a car wash. It's a good feeling. This is good and I got it for a steal at a local discount store. Could I ask for more? I submit that I could not.

Legend has it that Adam and Eve were kicked out of the garden for tasting the fruit from the tree of knowledge under pressure from the great snake. The fruit they ate is commonly portrayed as an apple, but that isn't accurate at all. In fact the fruit they ate does not exist in this world. What they ate was basically a strawberry, a mango and passionfruit all rolled into one. While we're clarifying things here, they didn't need Satan pushing them to try the fruit. I mean if you were there wouldn't the allure of such a fruit be enough for you to risk getting kicked out of paradise? I'm actually surprised they lasted as long as they did. No, it wasn't the snake's fault, they just tried to lay the blame on him to get out of trouble and pull a fast one on the man upstairs.

Since the banishment scientists have been working on recreating the holy fruit, with no luck. They just couldn't get it to graft together properly. There are rumors that sometime around the 14th century someone created a blueberry, mango passionfruit, but really that's not the same at all. Even modern day scientists are stumped on the genetic makeup of such a fruit. Then in 2006 a tiny juice company thought of the thing that no man of science had been smart enough to comprehend: why not just mix the juices of the three fruits? You may not get the texture, but it sure as hell tastes the same. They took about 4 hours of experimenting with the amounts of each fruit before they thought had it perfect, and perfect it was. All three fruits are distinguishable in the juice, yet when you think about it they also all combine together into some sort of new superfruit, the kind of fruit that you would risk paradise for. In an homage they named their company Apple & Eve and scientists have scorned them ever since.

I've eaten a lot of almonds and I've drunk a lot of chocolate milk. Put these two things together and I've got high hopes. Why? I like both things. I don't know the crazy behind the idea of getting "milk" from almonds but I guess a "hats off to you" should come your way because not once have I chewed or squeezed an almond and gotten milk from it. Unless I'm misunderstanding something, which I probably am, I didn't know that almonds contained any sort of moisture let alone drinkable, containable milk.

I have drunk soymilk and rice milk but I've never had almond milk. I suppose I'm stupid to assume that it would taste like almond flavored chocolate milk. That would be great. If you could make this drink but leave some of the almond flavor, I would buy the daylights out of it. Inside this carton is a smooth and creamy, as advertised, chocolate milk. Real smooth. Silky smooth. It tastes different than something like a delicious Nesquik and tastes more like generic corner store chocolate milk. That's not bad, but I just want to set you up right so you know what to expect.

I don't know if I've ever had bad chocolate milk and this certainly doesn't break the mold but if you're vegan, I may have just made your day. Let me know if I've made your day. In the meantime I'm going to eat some pepperoni pizza and think of how you're probably drooling.

Arnold Palmer has a lawyer, right? I would hope he does for being a famous golfer and all, but more than that I hope he has a team of crack lawyers to make sure he gets his fair share of every lemonade/ice tea hybrid that is on the market. Everyone knows the combo as being an “Arnold Palmer” so I hope the man gets his cut. I hope his legal team is also good enough to get him “royalties” from all of the fringe flavors. Traditionally the drink is lemonade mixed with black tea, but in reality it could be any type of tea. By switching the tea type, does that make it not an Arnold Palmer anymore? Would say mixing it with a green tea make it a Robert Palmer? I hope not, because that guy is terrible. His cover of “Bang a Gong” is one of the worst things I have ever heard. For the sake of this review I will say yes. I will also say that this drink is in essence a Robert Palmer with some strawberry added. I wish this wasn't a Robert Palmer, because besides hating the man I think the lemon juice in this is too distracting. The ratio is completely off and it overpowers the tea flavor, not to mention the strawberry. The first sip I took of this had a great strawberry taste to it, but the more I drank the less berry I got and the more the lemon Gestapo took over. There is also something very plastic tasting about this. I think it's the combination of the bottle and the lemon juice. It just doesn't taste right.

Oh! I got it! Let's make an Arnold Palmer with white tea and we can call it the Leiland Palmer. Also, if you take that and add some blueberry to it, it becomes a Laura Palmer. You know…€¦because she's dead…€¦wrapped in plastic.

Summer is upon us and a wave of new lemonades is rising to a crest. If there ever was a seasonal beverage then lemonade is it. I've never once even given a thought to drinking lemon water unless the temperate was over 80 degrees. The more the temperate rises the more my brain thinks about it. This weekend held the first ridiculously hot days of the year and being the idiot I am I was in NYC wearing jeans because I thought I wouldn't need shorts. I was sweating like crazy unloading gear from the van to bring it into Webster Hall and all I wanted was the perfect lemonade. A quick search of bodegas brought me to this little treat. The only thing that would have sounded more perfect to me at that moment in time would have been a blackberry lemonade, but I will happily take what I can get.
I was so hot and this was a great refresher, but there was a problem. This is great as a passionfruit drink, but it could use more lemonade flavor. I want more tartness. The whole reason to drink lemonade is the nice tart refreshment. This is more like a passionfruit juice with a splash of lemonade. It's quite enjoyable and it tastes great, but I feel off calling it lemonade.

I may have mentioned this before, but there is a major plot hole in the film Smokey and the Bandit. The whole premise of the movie is that Big (and Little) Enos hire/bet Bandit to drive to Texas and return with a truck full of Coors. Bandit gets Snowman to drive the truck, while he drives a Trans AM and speeds ahead to lure the cops off of the truck. It's a great concept for a movie except for one thing. They are driving through the southern heat and arrive right at the party, and it is a standard semi truck, it's not refrigerated. That means all of these people are stoked to be drinking hot beer. So gross, but other than that it's flawless.

I personally think with all of the great tea companies in Texas (Sweet Leaf and True Brew) they would have been better off bringing some great tea for everyone to enjoy. Okay, that wouldn't make for a very good party, but I would have loved it.

So yeah, I had a very positive outlook on tea from Texas so when I saw that a great company like Peace Tea had a Texas style tea I was floored. Unfortunately it's not very special. It tastes like they took a batch of their southern sweet tea and cut it with some regular black tea. They really could have called it sweet tea or just iced tea and I would have believed it. I don't know what about it makes it Texas style. It's a decent tea, but nothing special. Tea like this is not worth Bandit's time, no matter how much Big Enos will pay him.

You know how in Canada they use a sound frequency that only young people can hear to keep kids from congregating in certain areas (at least I think it's Canada)? Well I think a similar thing goes on with Mountain Dew. When I was a teenager my friends and I loved it, but now that I'm older I takes some effort to choke down a bottle. I think there is something in the flavor that is only enjoyable to those under the age of 21. Perhaps it's a conspiracy. Or perhaps the Mountain Dew company made a deal with the devil in order to make kids crave their product. If so, I think they found a loophole in their contract with the Dark Lord and started producing other flavors. I know tons of adults that love the flavored Dew, but hardly any that like the original anymore.

Personally Voltage is the only flavor I am really a fan of, but I really love it. I actually started drinking far too much of it a few years ago, and I had to start limiting my intake. It tastes like a raspberry flavored energy drink, minus the chemical garbage that is found in actual energy drinks. If you are weary of trying the other flavors of Mountain Dew because you think the original is garbage, put your prejudice on hold and give this a try. It's candy like in the best possible way.

In my world this is a classic standard in Western Pennsylvania. Whenever I'm heading down to Pittsburgh, like I am now, I always pick up a few bottles. In my younger years I definitely liked it a lot more than I do now. I will always have a soft spot for it in my heart, but to be honest it's really nothing special. It's made with instant tea powder instead of brewed tea, and it's sweetened with high fructose corn syrup. That on it's own makes it fairly standard fare for cheap local gas station "tea." What gives Marburgers a little bit of an edge is that they flavor it with raspberry juice solids. I don't know why they would cheap out on the tea in order to use real juice, but it does improve the flavor. It tastes like "ghetto" tea with a highly potent (nearly harsh) natural raspberry flavor. It's a strange combination, but that's probably what keeps me coming back for more.

Jay and I fiddled with root beer in the past. We love it. We absolutely love it. We made some Mr. Root Beer root beer and it was good but it just tasted like root beer barrels. That's not bad but we like our root beer with a bit more depth and body. We're root beer snobs. There. I said it. We went one step further and made root beer by actually boiling roots, fermenting stuff, and much more. That one we messed up and it came out terribly. Something went a rye and it was disgusting. We were pumped about it, too and spent a lot of time making it and even more time anticipating drinking it.

Now I can make root beer any time I want with a couple presses of a button and a laundry detergent-like measuring system. Quality? It's better than Mr. Root Beer but not by much. It's good, though. It's not that bold but it's absolutely drinkable and pretty good nonetheless. Entry level. More "candy" than "gourmet." A stepping stone to high quality, hand crafted root beer that takes a lot more than pressing a button a bunch of times. I often want root beer, though and now I don't need to want it for very long.

I liked this drink a lot but man was it punishing. "Mike. Why would you drink something that punishes you, you dumb idiot?" I will tell you, friend. This tastes pretty good. I don't know what an Acerola is. I sure as sugar know what a pineapple is so one cancels out the other. I can tell you that this tastes like cherry pineapple smoothie with sand in it. Yes, I said sand. Jay and I love the Mamma Chia line of drinks and you would think that this is the same thing. Well, if you thought that, you would be wrong. Chia\Vie thought that it would be a good idea to grind up their Chia seeds. Why? I don't know. Is it to increase their effectiveness in your system? The eliminated the step of your body having to open up the seeds so now all it needs to do is absorb the goodness that is Chia seeds. That's my guess at least.

Back to the punishing part, though; It's good but sometimes the chia granules get stuck in my throat and I feel like I'm in the wild west, a place and time I have never actually been, and I got caught up in an ol' fashioned dust storm and didn't close my mouth soon enough and that pesky dirt got caught in my windpipe. It goes down and the flavor more than makes up for the humorous laughter that precedes almost every sip.

Mamma Chia is much smoother and calmer but I think that the flavor is stronger and this is more of a "juice with stuff in it" than a smoothie. Since I didn't write the book on what's what, I can't argue. This is good and I like it.

I've been waking up a lot earlier than normal for the past month or two. I'm sure my early is sleeping in for most people, but I've been getting up without an alarm at 9/9:30 and for me that is a miracle. I'm used to getting up at 11 or noon. What can I say I live a life of leisure? I blame the gym for this. Damn getting healthy making me wake up early. I'm actually more than okay with it. I've been getting more things done in the morning and that works for me. The only downfall is that when my ladyfriend and I have our nightly Venture Bros watching, I've been nodding out by one (which may also late for most people). I'm also okay with that for the most part, but tomorrow morning I'm going on tour with Cheap Girls, so I feel like I should be awake to hang out while I'm home. My solution was to drink this coffee drink at 10pm. Yeah, I'm not going to be sleeping tonight, but I can sleep in the van so who cares?

My solution drink is exactly how I like my coffee drinks: overly sweet and tasting of chocolate more than coffee. Before I shook this up there was actually a layer of chocolate at the bottom that needed to be mixed in. In reality this tastes more like chocolate milk with a splash of coffee in it than coffee with a hint of chocolate. If you ever wanted to start to get a child hooked on coffee I suggest starting them out with a nice bottle of Frio!

Okay we've got O.J., purple stuff, some soda, Sunny Delight…€¦…€¦oh wait that's not Sunny D at all. Actually it's called Big Burst, but it looks pretty similar. Is that okay? Well it might as well be Sunny D. It tastes pretty much exactly the same, except that the consistency is much thinner. I see that as a positive thing. Sunny D tasted okay, but the syrupiness of it destroyed me. Oh and for the record it is no substitution or orange juice when you're sick.

This is nothing I would ever purchase myself, but I'm not a kid so why would I be drinking fake juice? If I want juice I'll get the real thing, not a sugar water version of it. The same company that puts out Little Hug Barrels and Guzzlers makes this, so 98% of their demographic is kids under ten. I may be well over the age of ten, but I have to say it tastes much better than I expected. It's definitely a superior option to Sunny D. Big Burst just needs an iconic commercial now.

So far we have not had good luck with the Coco Exposed line. I have to blame the coconut for our disinterest. Alo makes incredible aloe drinks, and this line is basically those same drinks with coconut water added to them. The only difference I can see is that dumb coconut water. I've come around to coconut water for the most part. I don't mind the chalkiness and it can be extremely refreshing. There is something different with the coconut water in here though. In another review Mike described it as tasting like the powder left over in the bottom of the box when you run out of Cheerios. I don't think he's wrong about that. It has that same wheaty/grainy aftertaste. It's strange as the other coconut waters I've drunk did not have that flavor. In reality it could be because this drink has no sugar added to it.

I was hoping this flavor would be better than the others because it's passion fruit and pineapple flavored; two of my favorites. Unfortunately the non-coconut flavor in here just tastes like a vaguely fruity aloe drink. Neither the passion fruit nor the pineapple stands out in any way. It's a shame, but at least I was able to get through this whole bottle without being completely disgusted. That's further than we got with the other flavors.

Suspicions ran high on Willowbrook Lane. Everyone was thinking it, but no one had the guts to just come out and say that there is no way that two girls aged 4 and 6 could make lemonade this good. It most neighborhoods any beverage sold by children at the side of the road are bottom of the barrel quality wise, but on Willowbrook Lanethat is not always the case. You see it's a rich neighborhood and the children's parents can afford quality ingredients (aka fresh fruit and cane sugar) instead of drink mix. This lemonade that the Belini girls have been selling since Friday is something different altogether. Normally the neighbors would buy a glass out of pity and a sense of duty, but with this lemonade there was a continuous line. That's right, the entire neighborhood lined up to get a glass of lemonade, and then when they finished they would get back in line. The lemonade was that good. It had the perfect ratio of lemon juice to sugar. It was what summer dreams were made of.

So everyone was buying and enjoying the lemonade, but as I said they had their suspicions. First off, little girls more than likely couldn't make lemonade that good. Secondly, for the amount of product they were moving, the girls spent surprisingly little time indoors making up more. Everyone thought their parents were making it for them, but then people realized that both of them had been outside doing yard work all weekend. The mystery actually wasn't solved until garbage night when the recycling bin outside of the Belini house was overflowing with empty bottles of Uncle Matt's Organic Lemonade. You cannot believe how fast word spread around the neighborhood of the children's deceit. People were furious, like pitchfork and torch furious, until Mr. Belini pointed out how much people enjoyed the lemonade. The block club then held a quick meeting and decided the girls had to use the money they earned to buy something that would benefit the entire block. That is the story of why the bust of Lionel Richie from the “Hello” video ended up in the middle of the cul de sac at the end of Willowbrook Lane.

There is something you need to know about Buffalo. It's vital to understand why we, Buffalonians, are the way that we are. It has to do with vitamin D and the sun. You see, it's crappy here. A lot. It's probably a solid six months of gray skies whether it is our seemingly endless winters or just overcast days. It's quite tolling on our psyche and depression takes its toll on us. It's out of our hands, you know? It's ecological and cyclical. Sure, everyone just takes medicine, turning them into drones and they wonder why they're in such a bad mood come February and March and then they are in a great mood when the weather is nice.

Last week and the week before were teases. It's spring. We all know it, but sometimes you get that fluke week that is picturesque and you just want it to be like that forever. You know the next three weeks are going to be rainy or at very least, moderately cold, but you just want to soak it in as much as possible. This week is slated to be wet and gray; a terrible combination. That's where this drink comes in.

Kiwi strawberry and strawberry kiwi, two separate animals, are summer delicacies. It's nice that it's always summertime in the eyes of Capri Sun. Just drinking it makes me see through the endless fog, rain, sleet, and potential hail into the sun. I would like to take my hoodie off when drinking this, but I know I would instantly regret it. It's a good juice and even though it has the dreaded corn syrup inside of it, you don't care because it's all you've got to keep you from going to the tanning beds to just feel the suns artificial touch on your pasty, almost translucent skin. You can't really taste it anyhow, so don't let it discourage you from getting "The big pack" next time you're shopping for nutrition food.

I know, I know. A couple more weeks of this and then it's jackets off, short pants, and sunglasses until mid-August when it's time to bundle back up and ready yourself for another doozy of a winter. Maybe you should stockpile some of this for the harder, colder months.

Ahh mocktails, the perfect drink for a summer afternoon. This drink fits many "perfect" slots for many people, too. For instance, did you know that you cannot drink when you are pregnant? Well, technically you can but there's no telling what will happen to the baby growing inside your tummy. Answer? Mocktails. Alcoholics shouldn't drink because it could quickly spiral out of control for them and the next thing you know they'll have a unicorn with a rainbow on it tattooed on their ankle. No one, not even fans of unicorns want that tattoo. Who else would love a mocktail? Kids? It's a stretch but kids that want to act cool and drink like their parents could drink mocktails all day long.

Now onto the drink itself: It's a fantastically retro peach Bellini. Traditionally made with sparkling wine and peach puree, this drink is probably closer to none of those things. It's not sparkling although you probably could make this with seltzer water and it would be spot on. It does taste quite peachy and no, I don't mean that in a 1996 KoЯn kind of way. Could you imagine if you went backstage at a KoЯn show and Munky, Head, and Fieldy were all drinking mocktail peach Bellinis? That would have been quite an image. Tough, nu-metal dudes drinking a low-cal faux alcoholic drink? I mean, they are professionals and had a show to put on. I would imagine that the pre-show ritual would include mock drinks but the post-show would involve shear chaos.

This drink isn't bad. It doesn't taste terribly diet, which is a plus and a bit of a shocker since I can usually spot a disgusting aspartame drink a mile away. This is loud on the peach, but take it from someone who isn't 100% into peaches, it's still good. KoЯn agrees. The Allman Brothers agree. The Presidents of the United States of America agree. This peach Bellini is pretty good.

While I'm not the world's biggest supporter of energy drinks (I feel like too many people abuse them to an unhealthy level) I do have a weird soft spot for them. I've found that most people take issue with the way that they taste, but I for one love it for the most part. There is something about the strange liquid candy flavor of them that excites the little kid that lives inside of me (well that sounded creepy). Many times I have been heard saying that I wish there were drinks that tasted like energy drinks, but without the actually energy. I would truly enjoy that, but such a beverage has yet to hit the market.

When I first opened this that unmistakable “energy” smell filled the air in my car. I'm starting to think that it may actually be taurine that gives these drinks their scent and taste. I took a sip and smiled. It was like someone mixed Hawaiian Punch and Red Bull. “Now this is a drink that I can get down with,” I thought to myself. After a couple more sips I decided that I had been dead wrong. This stuff gets pretty gross. The more you drink, the less it tastes like fruit punch and the more it tastes like something in a beaker in a high school science class. By the end of the bottle the fruit punch flavoring was nothing more than a memory.

It's really no surprise that this companies website no longer exists. I can't imagine they would have stayed in business for very long with drinks that taste like something you would normally call poison control if you ingested.

So let me get this straight:
1. Weed = downer
2. Energy = upper
3. Weed + Energy = upper

I've just got to get some simple mathematics out of the way before I start this review. I am not a dummy. I am aware that hemp comes from "the pot plant" but that doesn't mean that you can just put a pot leaf on the can and assume you're going to get a billion sales to stoners. Sure, it doesn't help because those people are like lemmings when it comes to that type of stuff. When I worked at Pacific Sunwear a decade ago and I worked through the Billabong to just Bong transition, I watched sales rise like never before. You know why? Idiots.

As a drink though, it's just an energy drink. I didn't know what to expect with this being an energy drink and not a tea. The hemp tea we have had have been like a decent tea strained through an old rope. This is just berry energy drink and no rope. I guess "good job" but you could easily drink someone's barf if you put energy drink on it because that taste trumps everything.

I guess that if you put a pot leaf on something you're bound to get sales so congrats to the marketing guy who stayed up all night to put that proposal together. I, for one, would like to see a day where we don't need to put weed on things that have hemp in it since, although not technically lying, it's kind of hoping people buy it to get high and we all know that's not going to happen...well...maybe not everyone.

Do you love the taste of ginger beer, but have the sensitivity of an infant when it comes to the burn of it? If you answered yes to the above question than this ginger ale is for you. When you open it open it has the strong aroma of a quality ginger beer. I thought I was in for a treat, and that they “mislabeled” it ginger ale. I was still uncertain when I took a swig and the flavor equaled that of ginger beer as well, but was confused by the lack of the burn. From the scent and taste this should have been a 4 out of 5 on the burn-o-meter. Instead it's fairly smooth (well as far as ginger ales go). It's strange. For someone like myself who drinks ginger beer for the burn, it's a let down, but for those like my ladyfriend who can't handle the burn it's a nice little treat. I would say this is what pale ginger ale should taste like, not what you would normally associate it with.