Jason Draper - 2709 Reviews

I believe that this beverage is the first sign that the dystopian future that was portrayed in all of those movies from the 80's is our current reality. To be fair the rise in popularity of energy drinks was probably the first sign, but this is a drink that GLOWS IN THE DARK. Sure, you need a black light, but it still GLOWS. If that's not a sign that the future is now I don't know what is. Think about it the world IS a pretty miserable place nowadays. There are disasters everywhere, people live in fear, and the police force is out of hand in a lot of cases. What we need is an action star to come and save the day. He/she would probably end up drinking this energy drink to aid them in his/her vigilantly-ism.

This may glow in the dark, which still seems insane to me (it's the quinine that causes it to happen), but most of the aspects of this beverage would actually make it a healthier energy drink. There is no taurine involved and the sugar mainly comes from fruit juice with a little crystalline fructose mixed in. It was formulated to give you a nice energy burst, without the crash. That's what this society really needs. The crashes make everyone miserable and make them “medicate” more often and before you know it a large portion of the human race is downing mass amounts of energy drinks just to make it through their day. No one wants to be in that situation, and Neon seems to be fighting the good fight in that regard.

As far as flavor goes, this is tropical fruit flavored. 24% of the ingredients in this can are juices including pear, passionfruit, blueberry, raspberry, strawberry, cherry and cranberry. Only one of those is tropical in my book, but the combination is pleasant on your tongue. There is a slightly harsh bitterness mixed in that I can't quite pin down, but it gives the drink character. When I drank it right out of the fridge it mostly tasted like passionfruit and strawberry, but as it gets closer to room temperature the other fruits are more apparent. I enjoy a beverage that tastes slightly different depending on how you drink it. It's the future, it's science, it's scary, but oh so tasty.

Coffee is certainly easy to make at home. Iced coffee isn't even that much of a pain it just requires some anticipation as to when you will want to drink it. All of that is out the window though when you wake up and it's suddenly 90+ degrees when you were wearing a hoodie the night before. At times like these you want nothing running in your home that is giving off any sort of heat. All you want is the refrigerator, air conditioning and fans. When it's this hot you also can't count on your brain functioning properly for preparation. These are the moments when the world should count their lucky stars that cans of iced coffee exist and can be purchased on the cheap. When this is the case it's High Brew to the rescue.

I personally think that this is the best product in their line. It is just cold brewed coffee with the tiniest amount of cane sugar (1g). The sugar is barely there in the flavor it just takes away a slight amount of the bitter edge of the coffee. I appreciate the lack of “creamer” in here, dairy or no. It's no secret that I am not coffee's biggest supporter, but the times when I do drink it I prefer it black (& bold). I don't have a refined enough palate to distinguish between blends of coffee, but they use Arabica beans to create this and I find it pleasant enough. It's true that there is nothing really special about this beverage, but there's not supposed to be. It's the base version that all that fancy garbage is built from and a lot of people like to keep it simple and I'm there with them a lot of the time.

Now Marty, I just came over to say how sorry I am about last night. We both know that things got out of hand, and under any normal circumstance I never would have hit you the way I did. You just have to understand I can be a passionate man, and when you go around literally yelling from a rooftop that the Red Hot Chili Peppers are the greatest American rock band of all time and that Anthony Kiedis is a god you have to expect a right cross to the chin.

I'm not here apologizing for punching you, but I am here to express regret that I broke your jaw, and that it is now wired shut. There's going to be a lot of time passing before you can eat solid foods again. I know how much you love your daily salad, so I brought you over a bunch of these Salad Power drinks. They are essentially what you would have if you made a salad and then threw it in a juicer, sans the dressing of course. Try this one. It's got kale, celery, carrot, bell pepper, cucumber, tomato, spinach and to mix things up a bit there is also a little apple in it. How does it taste? I can't understand you Marty, you just sounds like mumbles. Just hand it over and I'll give it a taste. Well that really does taste like a liquefied salad, and the apple gives it a nice sweetness that would take away the need for dressing that most people would probably have. You can really make out all of the flavors. The apple is definitely the strongest though. Also, this really does not smell very good, but at least you'll be able to get your nutrients and the taste of the salad you love. What's that? I still can't understand you. Why don't you write it down? “This would be better if it had chili peppers in it because RHCP are the greatest band ever!” Man, you really are asking for it Marty.

Do you long for the days when you could just sit at a restaurant all night with your friends, drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes? You would squeeze at a minimum eight people into a booth and everyone would order coffee and a single plate of fries to split between the table. I'm sure the waitress loved the change that was left behind as a tip for what would invariably be her table occupied for hours. Those were the days of my youth and I assume a decent amount of you out there had the same experience. I have no idea if kids still do such a thing, but the amount of 24 hour restaurants has plummeted and the anti-smoking laws probably took away some of the allure.

Why do I bring up such things? Well it's because with a heavy heart I have to report that this soda tastes like I was at one of those late night meet ups and someone played a practical joke on me and ashed into my mug. At first this has a strong coffee taste, but it quickly turns into something that I can only liken to the way that stale old half smoked cigarettes smell. It is a shame because Proper Soda Co obviously puts effort and care into their products. Their cans look fantastic and while a coffee soda isn't a new idea, it is still something that is fairly rare, and I appreciate them taking a risk with it. Unfortunately the arrow didn't hit the mark (the can looks like a design that would have an arrow on it). When I drank this straight from the fridge it was far more carbonated than I expected, or needed, and the flavor was very off-putting as I have stated. I was leaving on a road trip, and I knew I would need some caffeine so I put it in my cup holder, planning on forcing myself to work through it. I will say that after it warmed up a little and some of the carbonation dissipated it wasn't as bad, but it still had a ton of room for improvement. I'm sorry folks, I really wanted to love this, but it just didn't work out that way.

How is it that nearly every energy drink company that uses taurine in their recipes ends up tasting like a (sometimes delicious) chemical mess, yet Liquid Ice seems to do not much different and their products always just taste like liquid Wonka candy? With their new “orange can” flavor they have harnessed the flavor or orange Sweet Tarts. I'm not even sure if there actually are orange Sweet Tarts, but if they were to exist this is exactly how they would taste. What sorcery is involved in creating such a beverage? A friend of mine, who absolutely detests energy drinks, took a sip of this and thoroughly enjoyed it. Liquid Ice is making moves and breaking down barriers. I don't know how they do it, but I'm glad they do.

I often find myself wondering if this website is actually of any use to anyone. I'm fairly certain that no one reads it religiously, but anyone coming for actual input on drinks is either met with ridiculous fake story/reviews or they have to deal with our strange tastes. Let's take this bottle of Bedford's ginger beer for instance. A normal human would probably drink this and think that it has a strong burn to it. To me it's very weak. Sure there is some burn there, but it doesn't do what I want/need it to. I want there to be pain and discomfort when I drink a ginger beer. I want it to be hard to make it through an entire bottle. Could get through multiple bottles of this and I would only stop because of sweetness, not the burn. To me this tastes like the company took a great ginger beer and mixed 2/3 of it with 1/3 generic soda. It's just a tad too sweet for what it is, and it takes away from what I love about this type of soda. Others would probably find this just the way they like it. I rarely find anything just the way I like it.

I've been all about iced chai lattes this summer. I got one on a whim when I met a friend at a coffee shop about a month ago and I knew it would be the summer drink for me. I tend to make them at home with some fancy loose leaf chai that I have, but to tell you the truth no matter how good it is it's never as good as I want it to be. Enter Bhakti Chai and it's a whole new world. This is the strongest chai tea I have ever had and that is the way this drink should be. A lot of chai tea ends up pretty smooth, but this really packs a punch. It's black tea with spices, a healthy serving of ginger and a bit of soy milk. Each sip is a strong shot of spices that fade out into a mellow burn. I'm weird and I like a little discomfort in my drinks. This delivers what I need. Also, the fact that they use pressed ginger instead of a powder really makes a difference.

I've never had a chai tea outside of my house or a local coffee shop. This could be how it's traditionally done and I could be completely ignorant of that. If that's the case I need to drink more of the “real stuff.”

Where do you get your coconuts from? Indonesia? What a poser. “Oh, I get my coconuts from the country that is the leading producer of them!” Brazil man, that's where you should be getting them from. They produce only about 7% as many coconuts as Indonesia so they are of a higher quality, right. This is like craft coconut water, smaller batches means a better product? Oh, that logic doesn't work out in this world. Well I still love those Brazilian coconuts. That's why I drink Yuvia coconut water. It's just the liquid from inside coconuts and vitamin C. I don't know if I'm imagining it, but it tastes a bit sweeter than its competitors products and it's all natural. It's simple, it's healthy, it's hydrating and it's refreshing. What else could you want from a pure coconut water, unless you want to crack the shell open yourself and put in the real work.

I have never met a child that didn't love grape juice. I believe it is nationally the preferred juice of pre-teens. It has a slight harshness to it, while still being sweet and delicious that makes it incredibly alluring. I know I still love it as an adult, but I rarely drink it because I tend to go overboard, which leads to stomach aches. Why am I talking about grape juice when I should be filling your mind with tales of perhaps the greatest fruit ever to exist, the blackberry? Well the fact of the matter is that even though this is labeled as a blackberry juice it's mostly grape juice with pear juice coming in second. It is still 100% juice but a smaller percent that I would like it to be is actually blackberry juice. I mean for a $3 price tag I wasn't expecting pure blackberry, so this isn't really a letdown. What it is is still delicious. It's like someone poured a glass of grape juice and dumped a handful of fresh ripe blackberries in it (even though there are no chunks in here). It's mostly grape but the unmistakable flavor of the dark berry is definitely there and it does nothing but improve an already great juice. As for the pear juice, who cares? Pears are boring and it's normally used to add sweetness with a flavor that is hard to locate.

I would probably pay dumb money for a full glass of straight ripe blackberry juice, but I will happily accept this less expensive substitute all day long…€¦until that previously mentioned stomach ache shows up and ruins my party.

All the protein. I need all of it. I need to bulk up. Who has time for the gym. I'm going to slam all of the chocolate milks just to see what it would look like if I was chiseled out of marble. Wait...that's not how that works? I just cancelled my gym membership and in exchange spent my membership fee on chocolate milk. I've already drank eleven of them today.

Am I going to be alright? What poisoning? Protein poisoning? Really? Oh man. What do I do? Can I do a cranberry cleanse or something? Do I need to make myself throw up? Eleven milks. I can't believe I did that. How? Well it actually wasn't that hard. It tastes like a melted Wendy's Frosty. Who couldn't drink 154 ounces of Frosty. 154 ounces of chocolate milk? Oh man.

This day will go down in infamy as the one of the dumbest days of my life. I've got to reverse this by going on a cleanse. At least it wasn't a really rich, thick chocolate milk and was closer to the stuff you would make at home. I might have really put on some pounds. I guess we'll see what happens tomorrow. Probably a big poop. Hopefully a big poop.

You know how for decades stoners have been shouting from the rooftops (more likely their parent's basements) that marijuana is a magical plant that can fix everything? Well it seems like they might have been (partially) right. Scientists have come out to prove that there are many health benefits that can be derived from the plant and it can actually be used to treat a good deal of diseases and such. It's due to this that we have medical marijuana. According to the little packet I received with this tea it's the cannabidiol (CBD) that is the ingredient in the plant that has all of the health benefits and not the tetrahydrcannabinol (THC) aka the part that gets you high. So here is where the line gets drawn between those who actually care about health and those who were just looking for excuses so they could get high legally. I also learned that hemp and marijuana are actually two different varieties of the same herb and that hemp has very low amounts of THC and doesn't really get you high. I wonder how many stoners know that fact.

ViPova has taken CBD oil and added it to a black tea. Instead of rolling a joint, or packing a bowl you simply boil some water, pour it into your favorite mug and let the tea bag steep and you're on your way to promoting health and fighting disease. Here at Thirsty Dudes, we are generally more concerned with flavor over functionality, but I have to admit that this is really interesting information that I read today. Sure this tea has a higher price tag than normal teas you'd find in the grocery store, but this is essentially medicine, so it makes sense.

I have drunk other beverages derived from hemp before and they all have had a rope-ish taste to them. Since this not brewed hemp and just CBD oil added to black tea that taste was not there are all. It really just tasted like black tea that had a splash of milk added to it (it contains non-fat dry evaporated milk for some reason). From a tea point of view that is not very impressive, but when you think of how terrible most medicine tastes that fact that it is this good for you and just tastes like tea is pretty fantastic.

During my college years I went to way too many shows. As a result I was broke most of the time and unfortunately I had to miss even more shows than I went to because of a lack of cash flow. One day my friends were hanging out at my place and they were all going to see some bands play. I can't for the life of me remember who, but I remember I was bummed that I didn't have money to go. I had so little money that my dinner was pickles, mozzarella cheese and mustard sandwiches. My friend Jill offered to pay my way into the show if I chugged all of the juice that was left in the pickle jar. Being young and dumb I gulped it down without a second thought. It was a big jar and there was a lot of juice involved. As a result I did not feel all that well during the aftermath, but we went to the show and I'll assume I had a good time. Here I am 15+ years later and I remember nothing about the show, but I can very clearly recall the way my stomach felt after chugging so much pickle juice. I am also about to take a show of pickle juice to review on my dumb website about beverages. I love pickles, but I am not looking forward to this because of my memories. Oh well here goes nothing.

Yup, that tastes just like pickle juice. My friend asked what they did with all of the pickles they used to make the juice from. While I would love to say that all of the pickles at some restaurant or another were associated with this juice I think it's pretty safe to say that this is just a culmination of all the ingredients used to make dill pickles, minus the actual cucumber. My stomach feels okay. It's certainly weird to drink just pickle juice, but it's wasn't horrible. I feel like I just ate a whole mess of pickles and I'm okay with that.

The purpose of this drink is that it is supposed to help with muscle cramping, so it is helpful while exercising. I'm about to paint the ceiling of my deck, so I'm sure my neck and shoulder will be feeling not so great afterwards. Here's to hoping this helps.

This is the shot version of the mix that Mike reviewed a while ago. I had anticipated this being harsh and intense, the way most shot drinks are and because the fruits that it is composed of can taste that way in their natural state. I was happily surprised that it actually went down very smooth. It has a little bit of a children's vitamins taste to it, but in real life fruit way. It's all natural and you can tell by the taste. All of the grit at the bottom of the bottle also lets you know that it's natural. Anything artificial would be in trouble with the FDA for having that kind of residue.

The naturally sparkling, salt free air that this company makes is my favorite. Oh wait that's not Perrier, that is Perri-air a hysterical fictional product from the Mel Brooks vehicle Space Balls. That is a great gag though. If you don't think so, you're either too young, or have no soul. You can be sure the science is solid behind that remark as well.

Even though it has been around forever this may be the first Perrier product I have ever drunk. It's sparkling mineral water and that is something that until recently I had no interest in. I've tried a few pink grapefruit seltzer waters and there is a difference between them and this flavored mineral water. I think I may actually prefer this because it has more substance. The grapefruit flavor isn't as strong and you can taste the minerals. It's a nice change up, and I'll certainly be drinking more of it. I never thought I would be sitting at home on a Saturday night drinking a bottle of Perrier. Oh how strange life has become.

We do a lot of complaining here on Thirsty Dudes about false advertising. There are a good number of companies out there that are trying to pull a fast one on the consumers. Salad Power does not fall into that category. From their name to the statement that is 2.75 servings of vegetables per carton they are dead on. The only ingredients in this Tetra Pak are water, carrot, mango, kale, spinach, tomato, celery, green bell pepper and cucumber (oh and ascorbic acid). It is quite literally a drinkable salad. A commercial for this product could be someone painstakingly putting together a salad so that it looks visually appealing and just when it's perfect they dump it into a juicer. They would then smile as they are walking out the door drinking it with a straw. It's salad on the go people.

I like this and I don't like it at the same time. The concept of it is great, but the problem for me is there are things I eat around in a salad (namely tomato and celery). With this drink I can't do that and it kind of ruins an otherwise enjoyable juice for me. Let's be fair though, I am the weirdo in this aspect of my life and most people have no problem with those ingredients. The mango adds a nice sweetness to the liquid salad and makes it like some fancy salad from a nicer restaurant. I don't even know if that is true, as I rarely if ever go to anywhere except my 4 staples at home. I want to love this. I should love this. You will probably love this. Get healthy. Drink your vegetables. Next time can we just forgo the celery and switch the tomatoes out for beets?

Craft beer has been all the rage for a few years now, and I am ever so pleased that the soda game is moving in that direction. The older I get, the harder it is for me to drink an entire can/bottle of regular soda. I blame the corn syrup, but it's really just the general sweetness. I've grown into an old man who prefers seltzer water over pop in most instances. It's a strange world I'm in and I don't think I like it. I actually don't like much these days. It just happens that this soda is one of the few things that has brought me enjoyment recently. I was on a trip to Canada and I stopped in a grocery store, not expecting to find much and came across a slew of Just Craft Soda flavors. I think each and every one caught my eyes, but there was no way that I could say no to an apple and ginger soda. It was 90+ degrees out and as soon as I walked out into that sweltering heat I popped the cap off of this bottle and melted into a puddle of delicious soda.

I'm shocked that ginger isn't listed in the ingredients list because from the taste I would have assumed it was one of the main ingredients. I can only assume it falls under the natural flavours (note the spelling). The only other things listed are fruit juice, carbonated water and cane sugar. It's a simple soda with a big taste. Whenever ginger and apple are mixed it makes me think of the Autumn, which is a great time of year, but saddens me because it's a reminder that summer is winding down. While I can do without this heat wave I have done a lot of summer activities this year and the thought of an approaching winter is enough to make someone want to give up and move to warmer climates. No matter what the season though I would be thoroughly enjoying this soda. This is like someone's parents cut up an apple for their lunch and sprinkled a little lemon juice on it to avoid browning and also decided to get fancy and grate a little ginger on it. Man this imaginary kid has the most thoughtful parents. All I got in my lunch was a peanut butter sandwich and some gummy fruits. They totally win, especially because I never got the white Shark Bite.

I'm here to admit to you all that I have a problem with Bing beverages. I absolutely love them, and I drink them far too often. It started with them being on sale, and me justifying buying them by telling myself that it's not as crazy as most energy drinks, it's just juice with vitamins, caffeine and ginseng. Next thing I know I'm downing them every other day. I don't like relying on caffeine. It's one of the reasons I avoid coffee for the most part. I don't think I'm quite there yet, but I'm well on my way. My go to drinks are the blackberry and the raspberry ones. When I saw a new apple flavor I knew I had to grab one.

I love apples. I love apple juice. I love apple cider. Something happens when you add sugar and carbonate apple juice that candies it in a weird way that I am not a huge fan of. I'm sure you all know what artificial sour apple flavoring tastes like, and this is halfway between that and a real apple. It's not horrible, but something about it is a little off to me. I know tons of people who would love this, but it's just not for me. It's sweet and that middle ground apple taste overshadows the cherry juice a bit too much. If this were my first time going out with Bing I probably would not ask them out on a second date. As it stands I'll probably either be seeing Blackberry of Raz in the morning.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I will be the first to admit that beet juice isn't for everyone. It has a very early taste that borders on it tasting like there was still soil on the beet before it was juiced. It's also a thick, quasi-pulpy drink and that turns a lot of people off. I for one am a fan. I've never had a beet juice that did not taste natural and healthy. I like an earthy taste in my beverage. It makes it feel more real, as if you got it directly from a farm. If you have a problem with beets, then what on Earth are you doing with a beverage called Beet Performer? You're obviously not going to like it, especially since it only has two ingredients; beetroot juice and passion fruit juice. I know, you're probably thinking that the passionfruit will overpower the beet flavor, but you are wrong. This is 80% beet. 20% passionfruit, as far as flavor goes. A majority of that is just the sweetness from the passionfruit anyway. I'm a big fan of this. It's simple, it tastes exactly like it should, and on top of that it's good for you. Beers are high in nitrates which aid in the delivery of oxygen to muscles and they also aid in cardiovascular wellness. Embrace the beet and the beet will embrace you.

Here we have the last of the Kill Cliff recovery drinks that we were sent. The can only states that the name of the flavor is “Tasty,” but I can assure you that it is orange (blood orange according to the website), and while this is completely drinkable, it is my least favorite of the four flavors. It tastes like a diet orange soda with a little something extra in it. It just happens that that is nowhere close to my favorite flavor. I would choose this over any orange soda I've ever tasted before, especially since this has functional properties for when I work out. I don't really get any blood orange out of this, but it's also not painfully diet (even though it's sweetened with sucralose). I'll take that tradeoff.

This is my favorite of the Purps line. It is an energy drink that doesn't taste like a typical energy drink because it doesn't have all of the chemical garbage in it. Sure it doesn't give you an unnatural rush, but at least you don't feel like you are being poisoned while you drink it. Instead of taurine and other artificial garbage the energy boost in this can comes from yerba mate, green tea, guarana and panax ginseng root. It's all vitamins and caffeine that is found naturally. If that wasn't enough to sell you the taste is great as well. It is a carbonated yerba mate tea with mangosteen, maqui berry, blueberry, grape, blackberry and acai berry mixed in. It tastes dark and heavy like the purple hue of all of those fruits. At first sip it tastes a bit weird, but once you become acclimated to it, you just want to keep drinking it, even when the can is empty. At least that was my experience with it. It's been an off day and this beverage is helping me work my way through the haze.