Jason Draper - 2709 Reviews

If someone were to tell me five years ago that I was going to be drinking corn I would have said, “Well, that's weird, but okay whatever.” I was, and am, very apathetic. While I may not have been freaked out by the idea, this is not what I would have expected. My mind instantly goes to a nice buttery, salty ear of yellow corn. This on the other hand is made from purple maize, which is another beast entirely. It tastes nothing like the summer treat that most Americans are used to. I don't even know how to describe the taste, but it's apparently rich in antioxidants.

You take that purple maize and mix it in with some pineapple, lemon, cinnamon and cloves and you have Chica Limena, a traditional drink from Peru. When I opened this up I had no idea what I was in for. It's such an interesting collection of ingredients, which all can be overpowering in beverages, but they all blend together nicely. This is one of those drinks that you can make out each specific flavor in the taste if you concentrate. You can even taste the sugar cane. It's the spices that initially have me concerned, but they stay mostly in the background, sticking their heads up a little bit more in the aftertaste.

I have to say that I'm not really sure what I think about this. I keep going back to it, and the can is nearly empty, but I don't know if I can really say I enjoy it. With each sip I keep waiting for the pineapple flavor to get stronger, but it never does. I can't really hold that against them though, as it's not marketed as a pineapple drink, it's a maize drink and they do well enough with that.

You've had a long day. Work was rough. Well it wasn't rough in the sense that you did something wrong and were scolded, it was just a long day and you worked hard. You accomplished a lot, so you feel good about it, but you're just beat. How about you plop down in your nice recliner, let your cat and/or dog curl up with you, grab that book you've been meaning to read (I've seen you eyeing up that Morrissey autobiography) and just relax.

I have a tea that would go perfectly with what you're about to do. It's a chamomile tea with vanilla and bergamot in it. Of course you have no idea what bergamot is, neither did I, so don't feel bad. Not knowing makes this drink a little weird, as there is a strong flavor that you just can't place. That flavor is orange skin aka bergamot. It's used in Earl Grey tea. As soon as I discovered what it was the weird flavor made sense and it made the drink all the more enjoyable. It's like someone made some nice vanilla chamomile tea and let some orange rinds soak in it for a bit. I don't know why someone would do such a think, but it makes for an interesting drink. I have to admit that I prefer that the strength of the rinds and the vanilla were switched, as I would love for this to have strong vanilla flavor, but of well.

Take some sips off of this bottle of tea as you read a few dozen pages of Oscar Wilde Jr's life. Before you know it you will be so relaxed that you will drift off to sleep until your phone alarm wakes you up at 6am and it's time to put in the real work once again.

Scientist Douglas Avery does not believe that the recent zombie attacks necessarily mean the end of human life as we know it. He believes that the world can not only survive, but also continue to thrive. The man with the beakers insists that the answer is simply to create a product that will trigger the neurotransmitters (yeah they still have those working…€¦weird I know) into thinking that they have just consumed human brains. Once that has happened they will become docile for a period of time, in a state of junked out bliss. You see way brains affect the walking corpses of the world is very similar to how a mixture of heroin and PCP affect humans. They need it, and they need it now, but once they get their fix they are content for hours.

Through his endless research Avery has created a compound that proves his claims. He calls it Zombie Brain Juice, or as it's more commonly referred ZBJ. Originally he had intended to create an aerosol spray to administer the “medicine” to the zombies, but the effects just did not last as long as they needed to. Injections were clearly not an option because of the danger to those providing the shots. The solution was to leave cases of ZBJ littered around cities. For some reason the dead who still shuffle still love the idea of soda pop. I mean who doesn't, but it's still weird to see them twist off a cap. They can't open doors, yet they remember how to open a bottle of soda. That's muscle memory for you.

The idea of ZBJ has become such a hit that Avery Laboratories has even created a version that is safe for human consumption. It's pretty much just a normal orange soda with a little bit of artificial strawberry flavoring in it to give it a little zazz. It's all the rage with the kids, and it comes with one of the best images on a soda label that I have ever seen. Science it great and it has once again paved the way for our salvation.

What sport are you playing? Oh never mind, it doesn't matter. As long as you are playing something that can be considered a sport I have a drink for you. Whether is be football, golf or curling this drink will cure what ails you. I call it All Sport, because as I have said it covers literally every sport. If you're playing, it's hydrating you.

What does it taste like? Well what do you think? It is a sports drink after all and they pretty much all taste the same to some extent. This one just happens to be diet. We used sucralose and rebiana. It actually doesn't taste that much like a diet drink either. It just tastes blue and I know you know what that it. At first this is pretty great, but by the time you have about a third left, you're done with it. I suppose I shouldn't be telling you that as I'm trying to sell you think drink, but…€¦wait this isn't my product at all. I found it at Big Lots. Oh, in that case people stick to Gatorade, they are tried and true and have their own decent diet drinks.

Emmanuel loved cinnamon toast. It was his favorite thing in the whole wide world that his little 7 year old brain could comprehend. He loved it more than his parents, his dog and Batman combined. That's a whole lotta love people, and he favored Powdered Toast Man anyways. Every Sunday morning he would get up grab a little container and mix in sugar and cinnamon into the perfect combination to spread on his buttered toast throughout the week. He would heap the stuff on, so that it would make a mess if he even breathed on it. It was glorious stuff.

One afternoon his mom came home from shopping and handed him a bottle of iced tea. She said she bought it special for him and that she just knew he would love it when they gave her a sample at the store. As soon as he breathed in as he awaited the liquid to travel down the neck of the bottle Emmanuel knew she was absolutely right. Before a drop came into contact with his taste buds he could taste the cinnamon in the smell (yes that's a thing). It was like the time he opened the wrong side of the cinnamon container and way too much came out creating a powdery cloud around him.

After the luxurious eternity that seemed to pass the tea was finally in his mouth. It was all cinnamon and honey, and that was just fine by him. The green tea was down underneath the two stronger flavors and the lemon was hardly there. The honey gave it just the right amount of sweetness, while the cinnamon had a strange dryness to it that should have been weird, but was great.

Emmanuel proclaimed that this was a perfect drink for him and demanded she go back to the store and buy him a case. His mother nervously agreed and was on her way. Oh, did I mention that Emmanuel was the cousin of that kid from the Twilight Zone movie? Why else do you think his mother let him eat cinnamon toast for every meal, unless she feared being transformed into a Jack in the Box?

Popeye is back on the scene doing what he does best, using spinach to get amped. That was the whole purpose of this character right? He was a construct of Big Spinach to encourage children to eat this leafy greenness? Everything is pretty much the same, except now he's hiding the spinach in juice based energy drinks. I'm fine with that. I would also be fine with eating it outright, as I do that all the darn time.

This is an energy beverage that is 70% juice. That's a high percentage in this game, and us here at Thirsty Dudes appreciate it. While this doesn't taste like biting into a nice juicy apple, it also does not taste like fake apple candy garbage. That flavor is the worst. Probably the worst mass-produced flavor this country has ever be subjected to.

The white grape juice in here is paired up with the apple and the result is something that is a new beast altogether. Green apples and white grapes together make light green grapples, right? That is a fruit I would be all over.

This reminds me a lot of Tango Apple from the UK. I am most definitely a fan of it. The folks at Popeye suggested that we also try it hot, so I did just that. Heated, this tastes way more like hot green apple juice. It leaves you with an energy kick that would be fitting for a nice chilly autumn day. I prefer it cold, but everyone has they preferences, so maybe you would like it hot. Who am I to know?

So let me get something straight here guys; French soda and Italian soda are the same thing? I've had Italian sodas for years. Typically served at “fancy” coffee shops. It's sparkling water with some flavored syrup mixed into it. I know that is essentially what soda pop is period, but this falls on the more setlzery side of things. Now here I sit drinking a French soda and it appears to be the same thing. Both are delicious, but differentiating between the two countries seems dumb to me. Simplification people. Simplification.

I will say that such drinks being served in coffee shops makes sense, because this does in fact taste fancier than your average soda. You feel more like an adult then a dumb kid. Okay, maybe you feel like you're in you're early 20's with not many responsibilities and you rage all of the time, making dumb mistakes, but you know what the score is about and this soda fits right into your world image. When you get older you'll get into the dryer sodas. That is when you know you are truly an adult. Until you get to that point, drink some fancy European sodas, while the person you are trying to impress, and consequently bed, is sipping on a soy latte, talking about how the world would be a better place if only everyone would listen to his/her thoughts. I simultaneously envy and pity you.

Enough of that; as I said this is seltzer water with a whole mess of sugar in it (actually maybe this is more for the kids) and some lemon-berry flavoring added to it. By red berries apparently they mean strawberries, because it's the only one listed in the ingredients. There is not a raspberry or cranberry to be seen. Strawberry and cranberry would be an odd paring, that I would happily try, but until the day that sees the light of day I will enjoy this bubbly treat that tastes like someone carbonated a strawberry lemonade.

I'm kind of shocked that it has taken us so long to review any products by Ensure. I mean, it's not something I really go out of my way to drink, but they are a well known company, so it seems like our paths would have crossed before. I would have given them a friendly wave, in the form of a review, and been on my way to the next beverage that awaits me down the road. You know what? That is exactly what I am going to do right here.

Ensure lives in the realm of nutritional beverages, in other word protein drinks. They have their hard hitting lines for those who work out and are looking to put on some mass. Then they have their clear line, which it seems is more for normal people, who just aren't getting what they need out of their meals. This little bottle not only contains 9g of proteins but it is also packed with a whole slew of vitamins and minerals that the body needs to keep it running at an optimal level. That is all well and good, but it's not really what we care about here at Thirsty Dudes. We care about our health, but this website is here to inform people about the way various beverages taste. So on to that: This tastes like someone took a general protein drink and watered it down before adding flavoring. One it was nice and de-chalkified (well mostly) they added some peach flavoring that is just slightly more on the side of artificial than actual fruit.

Overall I feel pretty good about this. It's not a functionality I need in my life, but if you are someone who does, then there is no need for you to fear it's flavor.

What we have here is the most unfortunately accurate tasting soda I have ever come across. I know I complain a lot that most pops don't taste anything like the flavor they are named after, but I kind of wish this didn't. Actually, no I don't because there was no possible way that a teriyaki flavored beverage could be good. At least it's accurate and true to it's self.

Let me paint this image for you. You pick up some takeout on the way home from work. Once you get home you pull out your fancy pants bullet blender and dump your teriyaki chicken in along with a heaping cup of sugar. Once you have blended the living hell out of it you mix the remaining liquid into some soda water and viola you have this Japanese “treat.”

I want everyone in the world to try this. I want to watch as they make a disgusted face and then sit there because they can't complain about it. They knowingly tried a teriyaki soda and it turns out it tastes exactly like the meal they would have preferred to be eating. Dumb dummies.

Why is it that if there is a mix of lemon and lime in soda it at least has a quasi real lime taste to it, yet when said flavor is reduced to solely lime what is left taste remarkably like a green Freeze Pop? It's a mystery for the ages.

Canada Dry has found somewhat of a middle ground. When you first take a sip you get that uber sweet Freeze Pop taste, but without all of the harshness that is normally associated with them in their unfrozen state. The aftertaste fades into a somewhat believable lime flavor.

It's an interesting and enjoyable flavor, but only in small amounts. Half of this 20oz bottle was too much for me. I'm sure kids and sugar fiends alike would down this by the gallon, but I'll stick to stealing sips from someone else.

No matter how they dress it up, if you purchase a beverage that has the word “Nestea” on it, you know that you are in store for something sub par. Along with Brisk this company is half of a duo that are the only companies I have ever heard of to make harsh iced tea. Every other tea I've had was either smooth, bitter or sugar water. While this does fall under the sugar water category it also puts your throat in a moderate amount of discomfort. It's not quite a burn, but it's something that is weird and very much present in ever sip.

It has a slight fruity flavor that neither tastes like pomegranate nor passionfruit. Both of them have very specific flavors that just aren't present. They are also nowhere to be seen in the ingredients list. It seems that it's just an arbitrary name they slapped on their garbage tea.

If you're going to add flowers to any beverage, the safe bet is to use jasmine. It's been a staple of Chinese tea for thousands of years. It's also lighter on the floral taste than some others. Jasmine tea is the gateway drug into other botanical beverages. While there is no tea contained in this bottle, the same logic stands. If you wanted to buy a Blossom Water for someone who was not familiar with floral drinks, this would be the one to start with. The taste of the jasmine is more in the after taste, and it's not as intense as the others are. Its taste is extremely pleasant.

The base of this drink is a plum flavored water that has been sweetened with agave and erythritol (even though you can't taste it at all). The fruit flavoring is stronger than normal flavored water, but it's not nearly strong enough to be considered any sort of juice. I would also like to clarify that the plum used in here is the type that you could find in any grocery store in America. That is an important note of distinction because I've had some drinks from the Asian market that say they are plum flavored and they taste like moldy meat. They are obviously the grossest things ever. I assure you that there was not one second while I was sipping on this beverage that the word “gross” crossed my mind.

Overall this is a near perfect drink that you can slowly sip as you sit back and relax, to contemplate your day. I know I have said similar things about their other flavors, but man, that is exactly how this drinks make me feel.

This is a drink for a warm summer day down in Georgia. This humid 90+ degree mess is “warm” to the locals, but to northerners like myself it's “sweltering.” I don't know how people get anything done down there. When the weather is that hot I just want to be a bum and sit in front of a fan until the sun falls down. Of course I live in the land of 5 months of winter, where I also want to do nothing except hide under mounds of blankets and either read or play Zelda and Final Fantasy games, so who am I to talk?

The label on this says it's half tea and half lemonade, split right down the middle. My taste buds assure you that that is not the case. To me it tastes more like 65/35 split with the higher side going to the tea. You can taste the peach tea more than the lemonade, but the all American summer beverage is still very present in this liquid. Actually this could very well be an even split if the lemonade they used was a little on the weak side. You can taste the lemons, but there is no tartness to it at all. Oh, and the peach flavoring they used is natural and it really tastes like you're biting into a fuzzy fruit instead of a gummy ring.

Sure, I would have preferred that there was more of a sting from the lemonade to this, but when it's “warm” down south, this would do just fine in keeping me cool, refreshed and with happy taste buds.

It's not all green, but you might say that it's mostly green. Let's tally up the ingredients and see where we stand.
Apple …€“ Could very well be green.
Banana …€“ Could be green, but probably wouldn't taste very good. The fact that there is a very distinct banana flavor in here makes me think it was ripe and yellow.
Mango …€“ Orange, brown and yellow.
Pineapple …€“ Not even a chance of it being green.
Kiwi …€“ This is a glorious green, and I wish most of this drink were made of it.
Spirulina …€“ I had to look it up, but it certainly is green.
Chlorella …€“ It's green. I think it has something to do with chloroform, err I mean chlorophyll. I don't think this drink it going to make anyone pass out.
Other greens used: Broccoli, spinach, barley grass, blue green algae and parsley.
Ingredients included in the “Dried Greens Blend” that are not green at all: Garlic and ginger.

So as it stands we have nice green ingredients and five none green. I will give them their very green moniker. It looks like green sludge, so why not? It tastes pretty good. The base of this is similar to the Bolthouse and Naked “green” drinks. It's pretty sweet tasting and mostly taste like fruit and not the other additives. The only difference I can really tell is that it has a stronger presence of banana. It's a nice alternative, at about the same prince point.

Dear Everyone,

We all agree that candy canes aren't very good, correct? The flavor is just okay, and there is too much substance to them, at least for a mint. On top of that at some point in their consumption they become flat out messy. Sticky faces, sticky hands, or worse yet, sticky gloves. They just aren't worth it. I mean if you absolutely need that flavor in your life, which I highly doubt anyone does, just eat a starlight mint. I understand the holiday esthetic has a lot to do with this particular candy persevering, but some on. Enough is enough.

The reason for the above rant is because this tastes like someone brewed some coffee with the wrong proportions of grounds to water, and while it was still the temperature of the sun they melted a handful of candy canes into it. It's something that a dumb kid would do. Let's be honest here, it's something I would have done when I was a kid…€¦or you know in the past couple of weeks, just to see how it would work/taste. After that they duped some cocoa in it and way too much milk. The result is that this has a base of a very weak coffee with not enough chocolate in it to make it taste like a real mocha. The peppermint flavor just sits on top of everything like it owns the place. Lucky for us this jerk is only seasonal and he won't be mucking up our drinks for much longer. I mean sure it definitely has a Christmassy taste to it, but it just could have been done better.

Bolthouse products are normally better than average, but they haven't been doing that good of a job getting the recipes right for these seasonal flavors. Don't worry your regularly scheduled programs will be on soon.

I've been reading Fizz: How Soda Shook Up the World and I've learned a lot about the history of pop, or soda, or whatever you want to call it. I find it very interesting, and it's a good read. While I have a love for your classic sodas, I would love to go back in time and make a change. I'm pretty sure that the world would be a better place if sugar had never been added to fizzy drinks.

As I sit here sipping on this can of Solixir I keep thinking to myself this is great. It has an excellent taste (white grape and lime mixed together to give it an unusual citrus taste), and there are only 13g of sugar in here that occurs naturally in the fruit juice used. The thing in that there is a little something in the back of my brain that tells me that there is something wrong. That thing is in fact that it is a fairly dry soda and it's “missing” sugar. Now, I only feel that way because my body has been programmed over the last 3+ decades to expect soda to be uber sweet. The thing is it doesn't need it. If I had started off associating a taste like this with what soda should be I would be completely disgusted with how sweet a “normal” pop is if I had one now for the first time.

On top of being a healthier soda, this also has a botanical blend added to it that helps with concentration, without the spike and crash that caffeine and other energy drink garbage has.

This is what I want. This is how things would be in a perfect world. People wouldn't be so overweight and overridden with diabetes (well at least to some extent).

Uh hello, I'd like to speak to your supervisor. You see I spent a lot of money, and I mean a cubic butt ton, on my tropical vacation and it was nothing like I was promised. In the brochure it was listed as a tropical fantasy. Now, I know that means different things to different people, but I believe there is a general underlying theme to everyone's thoughts on a perfect vacation of that sort. I can assure you what I received was nothing close to that. I chose the pineapple package. I feel like that's a very specific niche, and as I said it just was not delivered.

For starters there is not a lick of pineapple anywhere to be seen in here. It's all sugar, pears and apples and that's pretty much what the base of it is like. On top of that is the vaguest of pineapple flavors that I wouldn't ever be able to place is I wasn't looking for it. The addition of sucralose along with the high fructose corn syrup does not help a thing, especially since it still contains 48g of sugar.

As I said I am completely unhappy and I would like a refund. Oh, you'll reimburse the fifty cents it cost to my account. Well thank you. I'm sure the time it took me to contact you about this is worth more than the amount reimbursed, but it's the principle of it all.

Apparently this town's club is not very selective about it's members. I'm not saying that's a bad thing. Everyone is welcome, which results in nothing terrible, but at the same time nothing is stupendous. This is a complete middle of the road cola. It tastes like store brand. Even though it's in a glass bottle, it's still sweetened with high fructose corn syrup. It's not quite Coke, it's not quite Pepsi, but it's that middle ground that you all know and enjoy, at least somewhat.

Let us start a petition to get lemons removed as the standard for flavoring water in restaurants. Lemons are overrated. They are low on the totem of citrus. I'm not exactly sure what is at the top; maybe blood oranges. Oh man, a nice slice of blood orange in your water would be fantastic. I am a realistic man though, and I know that's never going to happen right off the bat. Lets take baby steps and start off with limes. They are of close relation to the lemon; they even look the same, except green. I know they will still carry the same gross bacteria from improper storage and preparation, but at least it will taste a bit better.

If you're wondering what it would be like, because you don't understand how your imagination works, mix a packet of True Lime into a glass of water. It's pretty much the same thing as squeezing a slice of the actual fruit. Who needs imagination anyway?

There are trace amounts of cane sugar in this for some reason. I'm 99.9% sure the True Lemon doesn't have that, and I'm not exactly sure why it's in here. It doesn't taste sweet, but it gives me the illusion that this is the world's most watered down limeade. I just don't understand why it's necessary. Let the citrus do it's work, without assistance. It has to learn some how.

Why is orange drink necessary in this day and age? I mean Tang was important because it went to space, but normal people aren't traveling past the stratosphere. It's not like orange juice is expensive by any stretch of the imagination. Sure the cheaper stuff is made from concentrate and has added sugar at times, but it doesn't have as much sugar as any orange drink, nor is it as concentrated.

I would much rather have preferred a little bottle of the cheapest orange juice in the world to this. There is only 10% juice in here, and I feel like 20% of what's left is sugar. It's sugar water with a slight orange flavor to it. The flavor is actually more tangerine than orange too, but in a fake sort of way.

I can't even make it through ¼ of this bottle without getting annoyed that someone would purchase this over real juice. There wouldn't even be a price difference, unless you went for a higher caliber of juice.