Orange and gross. If you speed drink this, it might taste good. It does have a good initial orange juice taste but as soon as the orange goes down your gullet, it is promptly shoved, quite rudely out of the way, by a bitter taste. Do not for a split second think that this cacao has anything to do with chocolate because if it tasted like one of those fantastic orange chocolate balls, I would order a case of this. That is absolutely not the case and is actually the polar opposite.

You end up racing against that nondescript putrid taste by drinking and it's just an endless race. I checked the expiration date multiple times because I thought it had gone bad. Why wouldn't you just buy orange juice? That's all you want out of this drink is for it to taste like orange juice. The other stuff you can leave behind regardless of its healthy goodness. Eat a salad. Leave this on the shelf.

I really, really wanted these to taste like something special. I wanted a ropey flavor, like you get with hemp iced tea. All I ended up with was a beverage that tasted very similar to diet Red Bull. That's not a bad thing at all. I actually prefer the diet version to the regular (an insane thing in my world with a hatred of all things artificially sweetened). It's just more of the same. Sure this has hemp seed extract in it, but it's not evident in the flavor.

I'm the very competitive world of energy drinks, where companies come and go all the time, this may have an edge with the pot leaf on the can. It will appeal to the stoners and kids out there who think they are getting away with something wrong by drinking it. It's just an image, but if that image helps them sell product, good for them.

Whilst reading about the great mythical creatures of ancient Greece the idea for Nu Aquos was born. You see all of the best monsters in history are nothing more than multiple creatures thrown together in some sort of pre-gene splicing experiment. Why couldn't what Minotaurs, Centaurs, Pegasus, Harpies and the like have done for animals be translated into the beverage world?

After months of experimenting Nu Aquos was born. Finally a beverage that could simultaneously rehydrate, restore and recover hit the market. The way it was achieved was by creating a hybrid of a protein drink, sports drink and well…€¦Vitamin Water. If you think about it you can actually taste each of those entities in the drink underneath a pomegranate, acai and blueberry flavor that is as strong as it is in any of its sum parts.

I'd like to see an ad campaign with the previously mentioned creatures all pounding these drinks to help them get through their tough days of fighting off warriors. Hilarity would ensue. Hilarity that even the gods would enjoy.

Finally. Look, when I was a kid I could probably stomach super sweet all of the day, but now I've got to watch what goes into me. This isn't one of those "I'm getting old" things but I don't need that stuff anymore. Kid stuff. I'm as immature as I can be but when it comes to "kid food" that stuff straight sucks. This is the first strawberry pop I've had that doesn't make me want to just save the dentists of the world some time and knock out my own teeth. It's real "candy strawberry" tasting but it's not too sugary. It's also not lingering thanks to the real sugar and not corn syrup. Get it in and get it over with. This one is a win.

Everyone knows that when training for space travel potential astronauts need to prepare their bodies for zero gravity as well as G-LOC (well to avoid it). G-LOC is when the intense amounts of gravity moves the blood away from the brain, which can cause a loss of consciousness. In order to prevent this the future space travelers take a couple of rides in a high G-Force centrifuge. Essentially it spins them around at ridiculous speeds to mimic the effects of a space launch. I can only assume it is not a pretty picture. I assume it's like a Tilt-A-Whirl times a thousand.

Now in order to prepare for the training Gamma Labs has created this product that gives the user energy, focus and endurance. All of which are important when spinning a million miles and hour until you no longer have blood in your head and you pass out.

Remember in the 80's when you could buy freeze dried food and the tagline was something like, “Eat like the astronauts!,” well now you can drink like the astronauts trainees. Do you know what astronauts drinks taste like? Well I'll tell you they taste like concentrated sour diet sugar. I measured out the water perfectly, like an astronaut would, and I have to say this is extremely strong in a way that makes it a little difficult to drink. More water, or less m ix would have treated me much better. I don't understand how this can be so sour, yet taste so much like sucralose. It's a mystery for the cosmos.

ps. The only place that Gamma Labs products have any connection to astronauts is in my head, which is quite full of blood at the moment, so I have no fear of losing consciousness, especially since I just drank some energy powder that will probably have me up all night.

I can near guarantee, with no need for research, that there have been unsuccessful mobs. Mobs and gangs are a tough racket. Unless you're one of those motorcycle gangs that look like the toughest dudes ever that secretly raise money for kids with cancer, you're always on the lamb. Especially when you're well known and people know not to mess with you, everyone waiting until you slip and leave a print somewhere. You're always looking behind you thinking people are watching you. Maybe Rockwell was in a gang and he felt like people were watching him, something to think about.

If a mob spent, nay, wasted their time making pop, I would say that they would be better off just boosting cars because that's a waste of time. You're probably not making that much money and your overhead is way too high. You've got machines, staff, social security, tax and not just smooth dudes working their way into purses and pockets stealing keys and hitting the road with a fresh "slightly used" Lincoln MKZ to sell one town over.

This pop especially is nothing to "go straight" for. It's not as strong as some more cheap, run of the mill black cherry pops, which is a good thing but nothing special by any means. It tastes like black cherry and is carbonated, so if you really like black cherry pop, this could be on the board of "go to's" but it doesn't really stand out.

If you are going to be in the gang or the mob, do it right and be that guy that finds things that fall off a truck, not the guy that has the hook up on otherwise generic pop. You're above the law and below the radar. Make the most of it. You don't need to kill anyone but you could be a modern day Robin Hood. Just think of it that way when you're driving some day trader's Porsche Panamera down the street without his knowledge.

Here I am stuck out in the middle of nowhere. I decided to rent this cabin for a week because I ran across an ad that had a picture of the most wondrous looking cabin with flowers everywhere in the yard. Apparently that picture was taken in 1972 because this place is a dump. There are mice turds everywhere and the ceiling is caving in on one of the rooms. I guess I should have known better as it was only $100 for the week. Ugh. The ad boasted that you would have the cleanest mountain water to drink from the well on the property. I wanted to get back to nature, so I packed light…€¦I mean real light. I brought one change of clothes, a knife, a flashlight and some beans and rice to cook over a fire. The problem is that since this ad has been running since before I was a fetus, it didn't take into consideration that the well has run dry. Here I am in a dilapidated cabin…€¦okay, let's be fair this is a shack at best and I have no water and no means to cook the limited food that I brought.

I found a hatch in the floor of the shed that led to some sort of makeshift basement pantry. There were a bunch of canned fruits and vegetables down there. I thought I was saved, but upon opening them most were completely spoiled. The only thing that I could find to eat was a jar of mandarin oranges. Those lasted me all of two minutes. I have been nursing the syrupy juice that was keeping them fresh though. It's like drinking a mandarin orange juice, with a decent helping of sugar added to it. It's not that bad, and sometimes I get a little strand of orange in the juice. Finding this cellar and it's contents gave me a little hope, but I am now certain that I will die in these woods. If only I could survive I might try to market this juice. I would call it Sac Sac. Don't ask why, I am delirious in a state of hunger. What do you mean, “Why don't I just drive back to civilization?” I'll tell you why, I am in touch with the Earth and I'll be damned if I can't survive off of the land for a week. One measly week! Why am I talking to a jar of spoiled pickled eggs? More importantly why is it asking me questions. All hops is truly lost.

Health Guard is one pushy company. First they were telling everyone to “Be Happy” and now they have their megaphone out yelling “Be Skinny” to the world. I mean it's a bit presumptuous to think you know what is best for everyone and what people want.

I kid. I know Health Guard isn't a militant group forcing people to be skinny and happy, but the “Be” part of their product names conjures a great Gestapo type vision in my mind, and it makes me laugh.

The shtick of this shot is that you drink it about an hour before meals and it helps to suppress your appetite so that you won't gorge yourself, as many of us are prone to do. I believe it's supposed to trick your body into thinking you're full with a burst of pineapple and cranberry fluid.

Let us start with the flavor. It's a shot, so everything tastes concentrated, which is to be expected. The concentrated pineapple and cranberry flavors are about where you would expect them to be, strong and intense. It's a shot, so you're just supposed to down the whole thing in one go, and the function matters more than the flavor. The problem is in the fact that it tastes like it was made with hose water, and then since it was a shot the hose water taste was also concentrated. I know they didn't actually use hose water, but that is what it tastes like and any saving grace that might have been in the flavor is completely out the window at this point.

As far as functionality goes, I downed this shot, and then an hour later I proceeded to eat an entire loaf of French bread in one sitting. I think it's safe to say that it didn't work very well for me. If there would have been more food around I'm pretty sure I would have kept going. Christ, I am a glutton.

Oh you hate energy drinks? First, "hate" is a strong word. Hate should only be assigned to things like racism, which should, in itself be abolished. Such a vague, ignorant statement, but I'm saying that the word "hate" should be more reserved than it is.

Secondly, you can now put an asterisk next to your previous ignorant statement because this doesn't taste like an energy drink. It is still an energy drink, yet it actually tastes pretty good. It tastes a little like everything and a lot like fruit punch. The acai is a little overpowering but not offensively. The pomegranate and blueberry are there but not really distinguishing enough to call them what they are.

Fruit distinction aside, this is good. It's light, not too sweet, and still a deceiving energy drink. You tricky bastard. You're going to accidentally make parents lose their mind because they're going to buy juice thinking it's just juice and they will read the fine print and quickly realize why their kids are just non-stop running around in circles constantly narrowly avoiding the grasp of the parent's hands. Sorry parents. Don't say that I didn't warn you.

Do you remember when you were a kid and Strawberry Quik was one of the best things ever? Well, this is the soy version of that. Okay, you caught me. I am a liar. This wishes that it was the soy version of that. Actually I believe that at some point in its creation that is exactly what it might have been but then things went wonky. It tastes like they had two vats, one filled with soymilk and another filled with sweetened strawberry flavoring. I can only imagine that they meant to water down the soy vat to make it slightly less soy-y, but someone at the factory messed up and watered down the flavoring instead. The result was a beverage that tasted very strongly of soy and not as boldly of strawberry.

Instead of this tasting like nice strong strawberry milk it ended up tasting like the soymilk left over after a bowl of Frankenberry. I don't think anyone wants this.

No longer a one trick pony, Cheribundi has turned the world of cherries on its head yet again. Yes, they started with cherry only drinks. Then they had that little chocolate number that was pretty good. Now they've crossed the lines into the world of "regular" juices.

Drinking this makes me wonder why more companies don't use cherries. Cheribundi claim that each bottle of this stuff has twenty cherries in it. That's a lot of cherries. I don't think that I would eat twenty cherries in one sitting if I had a bushel of cherries at my disposal. This spoils me with its cherry intake.

How does it taste? It tastes like tart cherries but is "cut" with apple juice and sugar so it's not too tart. The raspberry is still in the mix even with the often overpowering cherry juice. If you are at all wondering, no, this doesn't taste like cough syrup so don't even think about that entry level cherry drink nonsense. Cheribundi has been consistently "Luden free" since I drank my first drink. They prove that it is possible to tame that wild beast and add a little raspberry pizzazz while they're at it.

If dogs had teeth like the dog on this they would be hunted for sport. I think the only things that have teeth like this are snakes and kids drawings of dinosaurs. Perfectly matched teeth that are insanely sharp and could cut through an arm or a leg as easily as it could a car tire.

Just looking at those teeth and the title of "orange bite" I was kind of hoping I would get some sort of orange ginger beer. Did I get that? No. I did not get that. What did I get? A pretty generic orange pop. Is that what I wanted? Not particularly.

Don't put such a fierce snake-a-saurus-dog on a bottle of something called "orange bite" and not give it that bit it deserves. If you've had orange pop before, you can cross this off you list.

Like sands through the hourglass, these are the Day's soda lines. Here we have the pride of Pennsylvania since 1946. That's 19 years previous to the release of Days of our Lives. It's rumored around the hills of Eastern PA that the show was created for a medium to run ads for the soda. Those people also think that a 14.4 dial up modem is modern technology, so I wouldn't put much stake to their claim.

Day's soda runs on the higher side of average sodas. They are similar to store brands, but they have a little extra something to them that make them a smidge better. For example, this bottle of cream soda is a bit smoother, and creamier than “generic” versions. It's obscenely sweet (90g of sugar in this bottle), but it's still very enjoyable. This is a soda that would be amazing in an ice cream float. Oh man, I wish I would have thought of that earlier when I had enough left in this bottle to make it a reality.

Never in my life have I tasted a pop that tasted "watered down" until now. It's not that the flavor is bad it just tastes a little weak, like the mix is off. It tastes as if they only had 75% of the ingredients to make a full batch and they decided, "Hey, you know...we're not going to do three quarters of a batch. That will cut into our profits. Let's just make a full one and hope no one notices."

Stretched out flavors aside, it's good. It has a decent bite with some good, sweet licorice flavor. It's as good as it can be and I think one thing that makes it better is looking at the still ultra attractive Elvira. You've still got it, girl. Now if your sponsor could spend as much time on their mix as you do on that shape of yours we'd have a delicious treat here.

This falls under the category of iced tea that doesn't taste like tea. It's sugar water with flavoring that is similar to tea. There is no way that “tea powder” could result in a beverage that actually tastes like real tea. This falls in the same category as Nestea and Brisk. Actually it tastes like someone made some tea at home from a powder mix and combined it with some Brisk. I'm sure that a majority of the consumers out there will like this just fine, but over the years of writing for Thirsty Dudes I've become a low level tea snob, and this really just doesn't cut it. I mean it's perfectly drinkable, but it's nothing like what I want an iced tea to be.

Some mornings you wake up and you inexplicably feel like garbage. You know, just run down and dehydrated. It's what I imagine a lesser hangover would feel like, except no alcohol was consumed. In fact, yesterday I didn't consume anything out of the ordinary, or do anything too crazy. Perhaps it's just that all the little stresses I put on my body have all collected and culminated in one day of feeling like doo doo.

To help combat this I'm taking it east and drinking some coconut water, as it's known for being a crazy hydrator. Luckily I had this carton of Cocozia on hand. It's all organic, and in fact the only ingredient is organic coconut water. There are no extraneous sweeteners added and no wacky flavors. This is 100% just pure coconut liquid. It's good, but to me there is not much difference between all of the non-sweetened coconut waters on the market, which keeps it from becoming outstanding. I would certainly drink it again, but in the increasingly competitive world of coconut water I'm afraid it would be lost in the crowd for normal consumers. I will say that it has helped me a bit in my time of need, and for that I will have some brand loyalty.

There is a battle in this bottle. It is a fierce battle like a 1993 WWF Royal Rumble. Folding chairs? Check. Eye gouging a'plenty. Why is there fighting? You've got coconut doing its chalky duty and the coffee latte doing its thing. As long as the bottle stays cold, latte wins and it's drinkable and pretty enjoyable, actually.

For a coconut drink, my well-documented not-favorite drink, I thoroughly enjoyed this. As a matter of fact, my buddy Dan and I nearly finished the whole bottle very quickly. Back and forth: a sip for me, a sip for you. We were waiting for the time where coconut reared its dominant head and started to taste like drinkable bleach. We rushed through it and it was great. You did it again, Zico. Now mix this and the chocolate and make a mocha. I want royalties on that idea. I'm serious. This review is time stamped. If you come out with it after this I have record that I came up with the idea first. Just send me a case when it comes out and we can go from there.

Step One: Buy a sugar free Red Bull.

Step Two: Buy a bunch of sucralose. In my world this would be tricky, because I believe it should be a controlled substance, but in reality you could probably pick some up at the corner store.

Step Three: Crack open the Red Bull and pour a heaping amount of the sucralose in it.

Step Four: Swirl it around.

Step Five: Take a sip.

Step Six: Make a weird face because this tastes way more diet than any other energy drink you've ever tried. So much in fact that the diet starts to overpower the chemical energy taste of candy.

Mission complete. You now know what sugar free Icon tastes like.

When I was in college, pretty exclusively now that I think about it, I ate a lot of oatmeal. It was cheap. Yes I ate my fair amount of ramen but that comes with the territory. Had I known that ten years later I would be drinking oats, I would tell you that would be disgusting. Was ignorant, uneducated, me right? Future, smart, attractive me says, "Eh, 70%."

What you've got is an artificially sweetened apple juice that tastes more like a weak cider than an apple juice which actually give it a better rating that if it were just apple juice flavored apple juice. Where did that extra 30% go? Well it's simple. If you artificially flavored plastic beads to taste like artificially sweetened, light apple cider, you would have it. I can't pinpoint what makes that true but it is as true as non-provable stats can be.

You were close Sneaky Pete, but you left the bottle in the sun too long and let it infuse itself into your drink.

Mike's son, Max, refers to carbonated drinks as spicy water. That boy has apparently never had a bottle of Buchulife before. If he had he would know that this is the true spicy water. It's not spicy in a heat sort of way, but in a way that it smells as tastes of spice.

Out of everyone I had try this, I am the only one who actually enjoyed it. Friend of the site Dave said that it taste like carbonated anise water. While I don't agree, I can see where he's coming from. Mike says that it tastes like trees, and I can also see where he is getting that. This is herbal infused seltzer water, and the herbs give it a very specific taste that I simply can't place. It is also unsweetened, which lets all the weird flavors shine even more. It has a little bit of an anise flavor, but then again it also has the coolness of mint without any actual mint flavor. It's an odd taste for sure, but it's something that I enjoy more and more with every sip.