Somewhere in some universe teenager me is watching modern day me and shaking his head. He's thinking what has my life come to that not only am I drinking nutritional shakes that are high in protein, but that I am doing so with it's intended purpose in mind. The idea of working out at a gym is laughable to the kid who talked his phys ed teacher into letting kids play hacky sack instead of working out. He's a kid who believed that all the exercise one needed in life could be had by skateboarding and wandering around in the woods with your friends. It is also the same kid who thought he could subside forever on tacos, Pop Tarts and Quaker granola bars.

Here are some words of wisdom for me of two decades past; when you get older life gets in the way, and you won't be in the woods nearly as much as you used to, or want to, and when there's no one else to skate with anymore, and you realize that you can in fact hurt yourself, you only get on a board a couple times a year. As far as the food goes, keep eating those tacos, but Pop Tarts are just gross and you know it. The only reason you eat them is because your mom keeps buying them. As for the granola bars, you'll upgrade to higher quality ones and still eat them on the regular. The point of all of this is that when you're in your mid thirties things will start to catch up with your body, and you'll realize that you're not a scrawny little kid anymore, and you really need to get some exercise, which also actually makes you feel good and helps with that stupid depression that lingered around for most of your life because of the dumb music you listened to. Okay, you'll still be listening to that same dumb music, and loving it just as much, but the physical activity helps counteract it, so you're not up until dawn every night doing absolutely nothing, and rarely seeing the sun.

Oh and while you're exercising to help make life more bearable (while listening to songs written in a minor key like a maniac) you might as well help your body recover by drinking some of these shakes. They do help, and nowadays they don't all taste like dust. This actually just tastes like something between a nice smoothie and a melting milkshake. You probably have no idea what pomegranate and acai are since it's the early/mid 90's where you are and they haven't invaded every facet of eating yet, but trust me…€¦you enjoy them. Well, maybe not acai too much, but when it's mixed with other stuff it's not bad at all. This doesn't taste overly like a protein drink at all, and it's nice that companies such as Mix 1 are expanding their lines into things other than chocolate, vanilla and strawberry banana. It's mellow. It's fruity. It's enjoyable.

Oh, and teenage self. Why don't you spend some of that time that you are awake all night and actually pick up that bass that's next to your bed? I know you think you're good, but I can tell you twenty years later you really should be much better than you are. As it is now, you're just faking your way through it, but hey at least we're still making music.

Hey Song likes to take your every day soda and turn it on end. Since I can only speak English and minimal Spanish, I have no idea what this was supposed to be or what the ingredients are. I went in with an open mind, eager for something weird. I expected it to be white gourd or guava flavored because the color scheme would match Hey Song's juices of those flavors. Secretly I was hoping, and praying that this was going to be a cucumber soda. The can is green and it says refreshing; what is more refreshing than cucumbers? The answer is nothing. To summarize I was expecting something out of the ordinary.

What I was not expecting was a lemon lime soda, which is what I'm pretty sure this is supposed to be. The first couple of sips I drank took me a moment to place the flavor, but that is where my palate landed. As I drank a little more I started to notice another flavor as well, something a bit on the bitter side. I believe it to be tea. This reminds me a lot of the early versions of Steaz. It has that same extra flavor that the Steaz root beer had. It's unexpected, but kind of nice. It's certainly much better than a plain lemon lime soda would have been.

If anyone out there knows what this flavor actually is, and can confirm or disprove my review, please let me know. I went into this one with blind taste buds.

Part of an essence water is that it doesn't really taste like much. This, on the other hand, not at all following directions, tastes like a Stevia laced hard candy. There is natural sugar in it but it's almost to the "what's the point" line where it tastes primarily of said artificial sweetener. It's not bad but it is very, very sweet and tastes entirely of a juice and nothing like flavored or essence water.

As far as strawberries and watermelons are concerned, yes, they are in there. If you keep it in your mouth and swish it around you can taste those two rumbling around like a couple of unbuckled children in the way back of an early ninety's station wagon. As soon as you swallow, you get a rush of everything that Stevia has to offer which you can take at however you feel about her and her doings.

I don't know the rules of naming a beverage but I like to think that I've been around the block enough to know that this was mislabeled.

We're talking about a diet root beer here, friends. I'm about to tell you that it is actually good. They must have pumped the diet so full of root beer flavor that it is no longer gross. This is sweetened with aspartame and they have managed to do a pretty good job of keeping a dark root beer flavor and not making this taste like something a fat housewife would drink while she's watching her stories. I mean it. A dark, diet root beer that I haven't spit all over my monitor.

I'll say the titular line...Dang! That's good root beer.

Are you a weakling? Do you wish you were strong like the muscle men on the TV? Are you afraid of hair loss and shrinkage? Well do we have the steroid alternative for you! Powerade gives you the “aid” to need to get “powerful.” See what I did there? The dumbest spelling out of a name's origin you will ever see.

You may find yourself saying, sir I have seen Powerade around for years. Isn't it just a knock off of Gatorade? Yes you would be correct, but Gatorade does not have these fancy little concentrate bottles that you can keep in your purse/fanny pack. This way you don't have to worry about the bulk of the big bottles, and you can add it to water anywhere you go; your home, the gym, that fancy French restaurant you go to on your anniversary. Literally anywhere.

The real bonus of this product comes in the fact that you can squeeze to flavor it however you want. If you find regular Powerade too watery, you can just squeeze a little more in and make it a bit stronger. There are no calories and no sugar so there are no worries about how much you add.

This has that fake blue raspberry flavor that many drinks/candies have. You know what it tastes like, but it's got sucralose, so it's a tad on the diet side, but not much. It's actually much better than I expected and I will probably drink more than one cup of it before passing it on to someone else.

Hello, my name is Jason and I am an addict. I spent years of my life chasing the dragon, trying to grasp the unbeatable fix. I went from sketchy place to sketchy place looking for the best that the world could offer. I knew I had reached a low point when I found myself eating plants to get a fix. I was literally poisoning myself, and for what a taste of the good life. I realize now that I could never find a high sweet enough, or a chunk big enough. You see I am addicted to aloe drinks. I have kicked the habit, but I know that I will always be an addict. Actually that's not true…€¦I had kicked the habit, but I'm ashamed to admit that I have had a relapse. I just couldn't help myself. When a company like Alo released a drink that is watermelon and peach flavored, I feel like I have no choice but to submit to my urges. I mean it's made with real juice for crying out loud.

I am shamed, and going back to the …€˜lo wasn't even as sweet as I wanted it to be. I was a fool. I knew watermelon drinks tended to end up tasting like Jolly Ranchers, but the use of real fruit gave me hope. In a cruel twist of fate, I was correct that it did taste like watermelon, but I had forgotten how light and nearly unflavored the juice that comes from a watermelon could be. This tastes like the great seeded fruit, but it was so darn light. Peaches are a much stronger fruit, but for some reason in this it was light as well. In some sips it came out stronger than others, but ultimately I must admit this was a very light drink. That can be fine and actually preferably in some beverages, but when it comes to aloe one wants bold flavors.

As far as chunks go, they are not as plentiful in Alo drinks as with other companies, but when you do get them, they are much larger than normal. It's a trade off you must make sure you are okay with. At my moment of weakness I would have accepted any chunks the Alo gods offered up.

I was weak, and my confidence was shattered. I came here to this group in search of help and strength. I hope that you fine people will allow me to lean on you as you fight your own demons. Wait…€¦what do you mean this has nothing to do with aloe? This is AA, right? Aloholics Anonymous? Oh…€¦well it looks like I'm in the wrong place. Thank you for your time anyway.

I did some research, because I wanted to make sure, and I was correct; the origin story of this soda has nothing to do with Native Americans. It's just name and image appropriation for the purpose of branding. Someone years ago thought they were clever in naming their cherry soda “Cherikee Red.”

To add to the offensiveness of it all, the soda is less than average. It's on the low side of store brand soda. It's cherry, but the flavor is not bold, it's just kind of there. It's certainly no Cheerwine.

Normally I would say that a rebranding was in order, but since the taste is nothing to write home about perhaps this soda should fade away into the racist history of our wonderful country.

Sudz, Spuds MacKensie's little known brother, loved root beer. He was up for the beer commercials himself but in the interview process, drank so much that he gained too much weight to be suitable for the part. Depressed but still in need of something more in his life, he decided to start his own pop company.

They made fairly average pop that wasn't bad at all. The root beer, Sudz favorite and pride and joy, was good. It was safe but still good. It didn't have any of the licorice or anise that a high end one would have but it has everything a basic root beer would have. It's pretty comparable to other "store brand" root beers.

Sudz now has a long lasting legacy of pop where as his brother was just a temporary staple of a beer company. They fight at family reunions but who doesn't.

We got some green teas. We got some blueberries. We got some cane juice crystals. We got some stevias. We got a whole bunch of other stuff too. Mix them all together and that that makes a good meal. That is if you are on a strict liquid diet. If not then it makes for a good beverage. Is it fair to say that I want to punch people in the throat who talk like that? I mean I would never actually hit them, but I find it infuriating. When I get to my boiling point, all I need to do is reach for one of these delicious iced teas and let the aggravation melt away. It's not a nice mild blueberry taste that accents the green tea. The stevia keeps to the peripheries. You can tell that it is there, but it's not right in your face. So it makes it an acceptable way to cut down on calories, as it doesn't detract from the taste of the beverage much at all. I mean I could still do without it, and have minimal to no sugar in here, but other people have different tastes, and I damn them everyday for it. Looks like I'm going to need another bottle.

To sum up this soda I give you The Decemberists' Valenica. It tells the tale of two star-crossed lovers, a man and his citrus of choice. The world couldn't accept their love, and it all ended it tears. What is not told in the song is that after the untimely death of his beloved orange, the protagonist of the tale collected her remains and used the juice they contained to create a soda that was worthy of praise.

He always found his love to have a wonderful dry humor, so he kept true to her memory, by not adding much sugar to ensure the soda would also be dry. The result fell somewhere between a sparkling water and soda pop as the world knows it. It was light yet still flavorful. With each sip our hero shed a tear for the love that he had lost, but yet regained in some form as a beverage.

Depending on what word you put the emphasis on this drink could have a unsavory name. I guess it all boils down to saying it as if it were a question. “THAT Indian drink?” makes it seem like the person can't believe that you would choose that drink above others, and is slightly disgusted by it. “That INDIAN drink?” just makes you sound racist, as if you want nothing to do with all things Indian. “That Indian DRINK?” just makes you seem like a moron and that you don't know what drinks are.

I would choose “THAT INDIAN DRINK!” because this is pretty darn good. It also acts as more of a dessert than a beverage, like a Indian milkshake if you will. For those of you who are uncultured buffoons who don't own a monocle, a lassi is a sweetened yogurt drink. So it's essentially raspberry yogurt, but thinned out, with a splash of cinnamon in it. I shook this a great deal, as the bottle recommended, but I didn't get much cinnamon flavor until I got to the bottom 1/3 of the bottle. When I got there it was all worth it though. It's thick and it's exotic. I'm glad it only comes in an 8oz bottle though, because I don't think I could handle much more than that.

Summer time drinks are as follows: water, iced coffee (or cold brew), lemonade, and iced tea. Any other drink is not recommended to drink during this time. Naturally, if you can combine any of these they will make a super drink. I've never tried iced lemonade coffee, but I'm sure it's amazing.

Today we will be talking about half and half, a beverage near and dear to our hearts. Half and half (also known as an Arnold Palmer) is half lemonade, half iced tea. This particular jug is Turkey Hill's new "sun brew" line. Can I taste the difference in the brewing? Not really but I appreciate there is real sugar in this instead of HFCS. Personal taste I would prefer a stronger lemonade, but this is good for your average half and half fan.

There's concentrated orange juice in this? Whatever, i'll still take the crab juice.

So as you probably don't know, Coca Cola no longer works with Nestea. They don't bottle it, they don't' distribute it, it's as if their partnership never existed. I wonder who plays the role of the jilted lover in this scenario? Coke needed to fill their iced tea slot, so they are now working with Fuze.

The thing is that I think there was some vats of Nestea's green tea and honey in some factory and they just slapped the Fuze label on it. As my ladyfriend pointed out, it tastes basically the same. It has that quasi bubble tea taste from the honey and the…€¦well green tea. It's really sweet, and if a true tea smith who used monkeys to gather their tea from the side of mountains tasted it they would sip and weep for how much of a bastardization it is from what green tea traditionally is. I say let them cry. I love real deal green tea, but this is gas station fodder and you can't hold it up to the same standards.

For some reason, I don't know if I've had any of the original Pom drinks. I really like pomegranates, too. There is no reason why I haven't done it. Now, though, I'm almost to the point of saying, "Who cares?" because I bet it isn't as good as this. As presented plainly on the bottle, this is 50% pomegranate and 30% pineapple. "What is the other 20%?" you ask? Apple juice. No sugar was added to this to make it as wonderful as it is.

Now somehow this drink clocks in at 210 calories but I get a feeling here is where the age old debate of "good calories versus bad calories" comes in because there is nothing in this but fruit. I understand there is sugar in fruit but I feel like it would break down a little differently than, say, a Whopper.

This tastes like pomegranate juice first, nicely fruity and bitter. Then you are whisked away to a tropical land where it is raining pineapples for some reason. If you are safely sheltered, you should be fine. It happens once a week without notice so you should always remember to wear your hard hat when you are walking in the open. You don't taste the apple juice and it's used as a way to stretch out the other two cool cats.

I want to go to this tropical town. I'll wear a hard hat if I get to drink this all of the day. It would be worth it.

This may be the best that health has ever tasted. I've enjoyed many a juice in my day, but I'm pretty sure I could drink gallons of this without batting an eye. There are only three ingredients here and they are all listed in the flavor. Two of those three can be a little much when they are abused, but BluePrint knows exactly what they are doing. The pineapple has a nice strong, fresh taste, but it's not overly acidic in the way that some pineapple juices make you think of bile. In the same regard, they held back on the mint, making it more of an accent then a prime player. So many beverages overdo it with their mint, and it ends up tasting like you're sipping something whilst chewing gum. Here that is not even close to being the case. On this ride you get apple, pineapple, apple again and then mint leads you out. I personally love a juice where you can pinpoint each individual flavor instead of them all mixing together into some sort of amalgamation.

My birthday is in about a week, so I would like everyone to chip in and get me a year's supply of this juice. It may cost about a half million dollars, but my taste buds will thank you.

I want to hire a sweet MC and have him say, "This is a 7-11 exclusive" in that voice that they do on mixtapes. You know the one. The arbitrarily placed, out of time, over lyrics, poorly recorded, mostly yelled tagline that someone like Don Cannon would do so you know you can't get it anywhere else and more importantly, partially ruins it so you can't get a decent recording of it without some dude yelling over top of it.

Now that my mixtape fantasies are looming through my head, we can get down to brass tacks. You know what Gatorade tastes like, right? You know what lemonade tastes like, right? You know what strawberries taste like, right? Well, if you can draw a line through all of them, you get this. It's good, not too sweet, but no Gatorade is really too sweet now, is it? It didn't have a sting that one might expect either. It was actually, probably due to the Gatorade core, a pretty smooth drink that I will come to again and again until it's gone.

Since I can't drink for pleasure and I don't play sports, I probably won't get another bottle, but it will certainly make me wish that I could shoot some hoops, toss around the pigskin, slap some pucks, or play soccer. "You forgot Baseball, you stupid idiot!" you say? No. I did not. Most baseball players could smoke and drink and it wouldn't change the game one iota. Only the runners on base deserve Gatorade and since, at max, four people at a time can drink it, it's not really fair to the rest of the players so no one in baseball can drink Gatorade unless it's pre or post game.

So a lemon, blueberry, and bag of green tea walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What will you have?" And they say, "We'll just have each other." and proceed to get really handsy on the bar. The patrons of the bar collectively agree that they have no time for that public display of affection and since they weren't buying anything, the doorman threw them out of the bar.

Green tea is wonderful. Blueberries, eh, fine. They're good. Lemons, good in things. No one really eats lemons. Together they are a pretty good team. I will say that the green tea lets it's stronger friends take the helm because you cannot really taste it too much. It might be a little bitter at the end but it could be the Stevia deceiving you. The blueberry and lemon work together more as a juice than...well I guess what else would it be? It's two fruits coming together. It has to be a juice. Sorry for the black or white guys, but you're a juice.

This is a nice bottle of tea. Perfect for all occasions. The only catch is that everything is in Chinese and there is no telling what is in a bottle of "Farmer" flavored tea. Hey, I'm just telling you what Google Translate is telling me and they told me that this is made up of ground up farmers.

If I may say so, farmers don't taste so bad. They're one with the earth. They probably aren't too many degrees away from tea. You and I, city folk, we're further. We're closer to things like plastics and rubber.

This tastes like a pretty generic black tea. Generic, safe, good quality, and foreign: a good combination. I would take unsweetened black tea from a Chinaman before I would take it from a Yankee. Is that racist? Call in the feds on this one. I think I'm in the right here.

Whenever I see that green, it usually means two things. Thing number one is that it is green apple. Thing number two is that it is going to be way too sweet and downright suck-filled. Was this any different? Eh, 75%. It was green apple but it lacked the uber-sweetness that other green apple pop has. In doing so, you can actually taste the drink itself, which, in and of itself, was not too spectacular.

I think that this flavor as a whole should go by the wayside. I've never had a green apple pop that I could finish an entire bottle of and I've never had one that I've wanted to take more than a couple sips. Kids probably love the stuff but as we all know, kids are dumb and will like anything that has sugar in it because they are mindless idiots. Yeah, I said it. You have been thinking it and I'm the only one who stood up and said it. I'm not afraid of a cavity ridden, hyperactive, pre-pubescent, pre-teen. Bring it on. I've been grizzled by life and am way smarter, wittier, and worldly than you. Enjoy your impending teens, suckers. They're going to suck.