Cane Sugar - 601 Reviews

What's the matter boy? Ahh. Scurvy. Twas a terrible disease when we were at sea. There was all that water with no citrus to keep us from getting sick. We lost many men to that dreadful disease. I'll tell you, being a fisherman is not as glamorous as it sounds. Sure, you get to spend all day fishing, but have you ever eaten fish every day for sixty-two days? It gets old kid. Real old. Real fast. Especially when you run out of those McCormick spices. Paprika fish is great until it is no more. You end up marinating fish in other fish to try and get something different. Then you start mixing fish and potatoes or fish and old socks. I'm telling you. It gets bad.

So yes, vitamin C deficiency is no joke. Everyone's wives told them to bring these little packets of True Orange but they thought that they would be picked on for having flavor packets so they traded them for "tough guy" stuff like razors, cigarettes, and fingerless gloves. Me? I brought it and no one made fun of me. It was fine, too. It tastes like if you split a glass of orange juice between ten people and watered it down to make it work. It's lightly sweetened and still, somehow, 25% of your daily vitamin C intake.

I know you like the sea, lad, but please don't worry about what the other guys tell you. There is nothing cool about a dead guy wearing fingerless gloves because as cool as they were when he was alive, you certainly aren't going to take them off his cold, dead hands and call them your own. Well, unless you're Zeke. That dude is crazy.

Hi, my name is Stephen Milakis and I'm the national champion for "Float Chugging." My record is that I was able to drink a dozen 20oz mugs of the root beer variety in just under 90 seconds. Sure it hurt, and I was on the verge of spewing everywhere, but I'm a champion and I play to win. The post contest belch is also extremely gratifying. Next month I am set to participate in the worldwide championship. I thought I had it in the bag. The kid from Mongolia was the only who actually seemed like a real contender. Yesterday I received a package and everything changed. At every float chugging contest I've been at in the states the beverage used has always been root beer based. There was one time things got a little crazy and sarsaparilla was used, but it's basically the same thing. In the package was an assorted sixer of the various flavors of the company Vio. Apparently they are sponsoring the event, and so their drinks are being used. The issue I have with this is that all of their drinks are prepackaged (no actual ice cream) and are all fruit flavored. I don't know which is more disturbing. First off, these didn't come cold. They are made with skim milk and cream, and the packaging says that it contains no preservatives. How does this stuff not spoil? When I cracked open the first bottle i expected it to be rancid and chunky. Surprisingly it was not. Secondly, I don't know if I'm going to be able to chug fruit flavors. I'm so used to root beer that I've become desensitized to it. This is going to be like starting all over again. Ugh.

I'm going to still give it my all. I'm an American and we don't know when to admit we've been defeated. I'll start by downing this sixer and see how long it takes. First to go will be the peach mango flavor. It doesn't smell rancid, but it sure does smell strange. It actually tastes pretty good. It's like someone dumped some juice into milk. Wouldn't that also make it spoil? There is so much going on in this can that should make it go bad. The more I drink the worse it gets. As tasty as this was at the beginning, by the end of this 8oz metallic bottle it's hard to get it down. Dairy in liquid form should not be carbonated. Screw this I'm not even going to bother getting on my flight to Norway. I'll feign illness or something. Anything is better than losing to a Mongolian.

We made it. Never in our wildest dreams would we think that we would make it to two thousand reviews. Did you know that there were two thousand drinks out there that weren't alcoholic? You might have, but come on it's still impressive. In order to celebrate, we drank this Champayno and it wasn't bad. It tastes like a fine dry ginger ale. If I had to drink non-alcoholic champagne, and the sparkling fruit juice stuff wasn't available, or I was at a lawyers party for some reason, like I was trying to get on the board, or was dating one of the members of the boards' daughter and she brought me to the party, I could drink this and not look like so much of a child. Not overly sweet and different than most ginger ale you have had.

Anyhow, thank you for your support over these past two thousand plus reviews. We've got plenty more in store for you so keep tuned in.

Once again I have been derailed by the taste of a drink. I was planning on writing a big long story about a dog, named Sparky, on a boat and all the adventures she has had. But then I took my first sip of this and was blown away by the taste.

This may be the most complex root beer I have ever tasted. Given the tagline "old style", I was expecting this to be a middle of the road classic tasting root beer like Dad's or IBC. Instead, what I got was a wave of delicious and interesting flavors. At the base level, it's a nice hearty root beer with a medium bite. But once you sit back and take in all the other flavors, it's incredible.

The ingredients include wintergreen oil, anise, and vanilla which are all strongly present in the taste. Each sip tastes different, which is awesome. Sometimes you get a strong licorice aftertaste, and other times it's a smooth vanilla flavor followed by a minty tingle on your lips.

Congratulations Sea Dog, you have made my top 5 root beers of all time.

While 80% of this bottle has a fairly terrible design, the bottom 20% is great. The little dude (who I assume is Hermes) chugging away on a mug of soda is classy all the way. So is the text on the bottom. After looking at it a little longer I'd like to change my stance. 80% terrible was a bit rough. The whole design is actually great minus on thing that ruins it all. The typeface used for the flavor of the soda is horrible. Childishly horrible and it's so big and distracting from an otherwise aesthetically pleasing label.

I've been a huge fan of cola for the past couple of months. I think I slightly burned myself out on ginger and root beer. Cola was waiting in the sidelines and the couch put him in as a started for few games. The thing about cola is that they all taste slightly different, but I never know how to describe the difference (well unless it's a fancy cola like Fentimans makes). This is smoother than your “classic” colas like Coke or Pepsi. It has a full flavor, but nothing about it really sticks out. I finished the bottle two minutes ago and I've already forgotten the subtle nuances of it. I guess that is a sign that while this cola is tasty in the moment, it is ultimately forgettable.

Feeling sluggish? - Zompo!

Enjoy sparkling fruit juice - Zompo!

Like fake ethnic drinks? - Zompo!

Know the molecular makeup of hotdogs? - Zompo!

Get Zompofied people!

I think this may have been created as a prop for Breakin' 2 - Electric Boogaloo. The label just screams 80's break-dancing and graffiti. Maybe Zompo was a character in the movie, but his appearance was left on the cutting room floor in order to give the film a shorter running time. I bet Zompo could do some sick freezes.

Less about the fictional character Zompo and more about Zompo the soda. I was shocked to see that this actually has strawberry and raspberry juice in it (albeit in concentrate form). It's rare that either of those fruit juices appear in soda. Normally when it's supposed to be one of those flavors it's all artificial flavoring and ends up not tasting like the fruit at all. This on the other hand definitely tastes like juice, juice laced with ginseng. Oh ginseng our dirty, dirty friend. YOU can always be spotted in drinks with your weird root/dirt flavor.

There are two misleading things on the label.
1. It's says it's an Italian style smoothie. There is nothing about this drink that would qualify it as a smoothie. It's a soda pop, or possibly a sparkling juice. It just doesn't have the consistency of a smoothie. Oh man, think of a nice thick smoothie that was carbonated. That would just be terrible. I mean I would of course drink it, but I would be weirded/grossed out the whole time.

2. The flavor is Wild Berries & Cream. That would lead one to believe that this was some sort of cream soda. One would be mistaken. There is no vanilla flavor, nor is there any creaminess to the texture of this drink. As I said before it tastes like carbonated berry juice with some ginseng thrown in the mix. Speaking of which, it's kind of odd that they chose to add ginseng, ginko biloba, guarana and caffeine to this. I think it makes it an unnecessary energy drink. Oh well, at least it's a natural energy drink and not filled with man-made chemicals.

Dear Hansens,
You make some very tasty beverages, but this isn't one of them. I bought this from Big Lots for 70 cents so you obviously already know this and have taken the steps to discontinue this awful iced tea. I'd expect this bland taste from a generic gas station iced tea, but not you. The worst part is that this is sweetened with cane sugar but it tastes like high fructose corn syrup. I can't even taste the pomegranate and the green tea tastes more like black tea. I bought a few flavors from this same discontinued line from Big Lots that I'm suddenly not so excited to try.

I was planning on posting the lyrics to the They Might Be Giants song "The Cap'm" and changing some words so that it praised this root beer. Then I actually drank it, and even though I still wanted to I decided I couldn't lie to our dear readers.

This is one of the worst root beers I have ever tasted. It's very dark and creamy tasting. Normally I would associate both of those things with a good root beer, but someone the cap'm got it all wrong. It's actually a brewed soda, so I'm wondering if something was wrong with the batch I tried. I did a quick Google search and the reviews I found of it were all glowing. Some people even claim it to be one of their favorites. The three people I shared it with and myself couldn't disagree more. The fact that it got worst with each sip really makes me think it was a bad batch. Each sip tasted different and weird in a different way. By the bottom of the bottle the wintergreen oil was so prevalent that it almost tasted like a mint root beer. I normally love complex root beers, but this is all wrong. That's it I need to try another bottle of this.

Sometimes there are sodas that you take for granted simply because they are readily available. You forget that they are semi-regional and that not everyone is lucky enough to have them at local gas stations. Boylan's is one of those companies for me. I see it all the time, and never think twice. They actually make quality soda that is sweetened with cane sugar. I'm sure it's the same with people in North Carolina who have Cheerwine everywhere. People up here would kill for it, well if they knew what it was.

This is a great little ginger ale here. Unlike the ginger ale that most people are used to this actually is made with ginger and not chemicals and artificial garbage. It has a little lemon and lime thrown into the mix, which mellows it out a bit. I am a ginger fiend (pickled ginger goes on nearly everything I eat, and I absolutely love a good ginger beer) and I have to say you can really tell the difference when ginger is one of the ingredients. It makes the drink taste less like bubbly sugar water and more like an old fashioned tonic of some sort. It's still sweet, but it has layers of flavor and not just one straight taste the whole way through. It is also a fact that I have discovered that every single one of those flavor layers is delicious. I also just found out through our dear friend Wikipedia that "Pale" or "Dry" ginger ale means that it has less of a ginger kick, or burn. Well that makes sense. I approve and so should you.

At first glance I thought this was a weight loss drink. Then I read the bottle and realize that it was a focus drink. Speaking of the bottle, I love this bottle. It's one of those aluminum bottles and it has a nice matte finish to it. It makes holding it quite enjoyable.

Okay enough nerdy bottle talk, let's get into the guts of this. I love focus drinks, my favorite being Brain Toniq. I am a soda/coffee/energy drink fiend so it's nice to find alternative ways to stay focused and awake during the day. I'm half way through this bottle and I can already tell this works. I feel much more alert and awake, and ready to continue building this website as soon as I'm done writing this review.

As far as taste goes, it's good but not mind blowing. It's a lightly carbonated orange/tangerine drink. It's not as thick as orange soda, but kind of reminds me of a light Italian soda. I'd be really interested in trying other flavors they have available.

This drink...was...hilarious. Short and sweet. When you have to prep yourself to drink something, or retrain yourself not to die, that's something special. Before I took a sip of this I nearly expired. I went in to smell it and the vapors and fizzies went in my nose and burned and tickled me so much that I coughed and sneezed for a solid minute. I went in for a sip and out of instinct, breathed in to, you know, get the drink in my mouth and those same pesky vapors and fizzies went inside of me, hilariously burning all the way down. Cough. Cough. Sneeze. Sneeze.

Taste? It tastes exactly like how you want it to taste like. Carbonated Fireball candies. It is a bit syrupy and between the viscosity and the constant punishment I took from drinking it, I couldn't finish the whole bottle, but I killed a good three quarters of it.

If you ever see this and like cinnamon candies, whether it be Fireballs, those Valentine's cinnamon hearts, cinnamon ice cream, Big Red gum, or anything else candy cinnamon flavored, get this. You will if you don't react to death, you will have a great pop on your hands. I'm serious, every sip went down as harsh as the last and you had to reprogram yourself to not breath in with your nose or mouth when you took a swig. Ugh, so much fun. Thank you, So Duh! I hope someone can find me a bottle of their Liquid Ice because I might actually be fine dying to one of these drinks.

From the beverages I've drunk recently I have come to the conclusion that Jamaica was once a part of Canada. It was the 11th province. Like modern day Quebec the fine citizens of Jamaica wanted to become a sovereign nation. They petitioned for years and made no progress. Finally a group of radicals strategically planted explosives and broke Jamaica free from the rest of Canada. They were happy to just be separated and declared their independence. It was a happy accident that the coastal tides dragged their country south into a tropical region.

Canada is still bitter, but they have embraced the new beverages that come out of the now sunny and warm Jamaica. One such drink is a combination of mango and carrot juice. Okay it's pulp and puree, but that might actually make it better. It's mostly mango, with just the slightest hint of carrot. You really don't taste the carrots at all unless you breathe through your nose (especially with the nectar still in your mouth). It has a nice consistency that is not overly thick, but more so than a normal juice.

Good work Jamaica. You have succeeded where Quebec has failed. In freedom, as well as in the world of beverages.

Everyone has that relative that they sometimes wish would stop coming around. Unfortunately, Mr. Cola is that person in his family. You see, his last name used to be Pepper. He lived a glorious life as Mr. Pepper. This all came to an end when he failed out of medical school. He was promptly kicked out of the house, told to change his name, and to never return. He was never the same after that.

He could have been anything, become anyone. He thought long and hard about what his name was going to be and he decided on Cola. He never had the bite his Pepper relatives were known for so he went with the nice and simple name of Cola. He lived a happy life as Mr. Cola, but never got the fame and fortune that his old family did. He didn't care. He was a sweet and simple man. He liked being nothing special, just another person walking down the street.

In order to cut my chocolate intake a bit, I decided on a root beer float. I undoubtedly made the right decision. This pop was spectacular. I don't know where the "float" came from, but the root beer was pretty great. If I had to stretch it, I might saw that the root beer was smoother than normal. If they called it "root beer" I would have been satisfied. "Float" doesn't take away from the drink, it just builds up some expectations. The root beer was that good that I don't care if they called it "crap soup". Go ahead. I dare you. Put out a root beer called "crap soup" and dare me not to drink it.

I don't hate Subway. I should let it be known. I enjoy a nice chicken teriyaki sub on honey oat with pepper jack, olive, onions, and banana pepper with their chipotle southwest sauce. That's my sub. I also typically get the Fuze tea and was pretty stoked when they partnered up. Problem is, sometimes the people that work there "forget" to make the tea so I'm stuck with Coke or something. Look, Coke. I don't hate you, but when my mouth wants real brewed tea, it doesn't want cola. Black and white, buddy. Black and white.

Today we, the company, all went to Subway and was greeted by a man, possibly and probably homeless, smoking a cigarette which he generously blew in our face as he exited the restaurant. As I looked around in disgust, the patrons on their lunch break had the same face I had on. Together as one, we all would enjoy subs from that moment on. I got my sub and was greeted not by the typical green tea, but by a new and fully stocked raspberry green tea.

As I gleefully filled my over-sized cup, the culprit smoker came back inside and had a cigarette in his mouth and his hands to his mouth, as if to spark up another one. The guy that cashed me out spent 20% of the time looking at me and essentially blindly scanned my card, told me my points, got me cookies, and handed everything to me while 80% watching that dude...ready to make an executive decision to boot him out of there for lighting up another cigarette.

I left, took one sip, and forgot about everything that had happened because this tea is great. Real nice raspberry flavor, not too sweet, and long lasting flavor. This was a delicious treat that I would be privileged to enjoy for twenty-six, uninterrupted ounces. I would make this a regular purchase if all Subway's had it. You hear me giant conglomerate Subway? Make this a standard until something better comes out. I love it!

Lightly carbonated sugar water. I wanted this to taste like I was drinking an old ladies moisturizing lotion for some reason. When I want something, I want something. I didn't get any lavender at all. Alright, I might have got one from a burp, but that borderline doesn't count. It didn't have that awful bitterness that seltzer has, but it really just tastes like lightly sweetened carbonated water. I can't say anything else. I'm sorry. I wish this was rhubarb.

With Xmas rapidly approaching little Bobby grew more nervous by the second. While other kids his age were ecstatic about all the presents that were about to be gifted upon them, Bobby suffered from a deep-set fear of his family dinner on the 25th of December. It wasn't that his family was crazy (they were), or that they were prone to squabble over the most trivial of things (they would). His nausea stemmed from the fact that he knew that he would not be able to leave the table until he finished all of his cranberry sauce: the quivering gelatinous mound of bitterly sweet garbage that passed as food only on holidays. Last year he sat at the table until 2:30 on the morning before he was able to get it all down. Ugh. In order to better acclimate himself with the taste of this garbage he had begun drinking a class of cranberry juice every day. Each 24-hour period would result in him sneaking a tiny glass from his mom's stash and forcing it down his throat. After a couple of days he was actually okay with it. It had a weird taste but once he got used to it, he even liked it a little. One would think that he would be ready for the big day, but he knew in his heart of hearts that a glass of Ocean Spray was in reality no comparison to the maroon mound that would be set before him.

His aunt was visiting a couple of days before the holiday to help his mom set everything up. She was the cool aunt. You know the kind that doesn't have any kids of her own. They listen to cool music, maybe have a piercing or two. That was aunt Jeanie. She could sense something was up with Bobby, so she cornered him and asked what was up. He told her his fear, and she said not to worry and that they were going for a little adventure. They jumped in her crappy car covered in stickers of bands that no one who wasn't a teenager during the 90's even remembered and drove to Whole Foods. She didn't say a word, and only bought a single bottle of soda. She poured it into an old Taco Bell cup and handed it to Bobby and told him to drink up. He loved it! It was amazing! It was sweet, fruity and nicely carbonated. After his praise slowed down, Aunt Jeanie showed him the bottle. It was Kristall Cranberry soda. She then told him to take another sip and think of the cranberry sauce they were going to be eating in a few days time. Didn't it taste exactly the same, except with some bubbles? As much as he wanted to deny this claim Bobby looked up to his aunt too much to lie to her. She had him this did taste like cranberry sauce, but how was this good and the sauce like a "festering bowl of dog snot?" She told him to just close his eyes and think of this pop when he was eating his dinner. That's just what he did, and you know what? It was still completely disgusting. Bobby realized the problem with cranberry sauce wasn't the flavor. It was that godforsaken texture. He managed to scarf it down by 10PM that night, but he really couldn't wait until he was old enough to prepare his own plate of food on Xmas so he could skip it altogether.

Wh...Where am I? Why am I wearing this suit? Why does this suit have shoulder pads?

I sentence you...

Hold on a minute. Aren't you Judge Wapner?

That's right son, the one and only.

Holy crap! Am I on The Peoples' Court?

Yes, I have brought you back to 1984 to punish you for your wrongdoings. I would also have to ask you to watch your mouth on national television.

I'm sorry. Wait...wrongdoings? What did I do?

It says here that you are from West Virginia. Is that correct?

Yes it is, your honor.

It also says that in 1975, you put a Pembroke Welsh Corgi in a baby carriage. Is that correct?

Wait...what? 1975? That was thirty-six years ago. I have no idea. I would have been like six years old.

It's a simple question, sir. Did you, regardless of year, place a dog in a carriage? Yes or no?

I suppose, when I was a child, I may have, at one point in time, put a dog in a baby carriage, yes.

Well sir, in the state of West Virginia, you may only place a baby in a baby carriage and nothing else. Since you have admitted guilt, I will go easy on you. As I was saying when you woke up from time travel, I sentence you to drink my root beer!

Oh, come on! That's not...wait...drink root beer?

That's right. Drinking my root beer is your harsh punishment for such a heinous crime.

Oh, well. I suppose I could do that. Can I go back to my house in 2011 once I'm done with this bottle of root beer?

Yes, I have the lever right here that will send you home. All you have to do is drink this entire bottle of root beer.

Fair enough. Here goes. It's not that bad, Judge. It's herby, kind of a medium-dark root beer. It tastes home brewed. Did you brew this yourself?

Yes, son. I did. Do you like it?

I do, actually. Can I get this in 2011? If so, I might just periodically pick one up.

Son, you have earned a parole. I will cut your sentence in half. You only need to drink half that bottle and then you can go home.

Oh, awesome. Well you can pull that lever. I'm already over half way done. If you don't mind, I'd like to finish this when I wake up from my time travel slumber.

That's fine. Stand on that box and I will send you back. As soon as I bang this gavel, and simultaneously pull this switch, you will be sent back to your time. Thank you for spending time with us, doing your time like a responsible adult, and enjoying my root beer.

You're welcome, Judge. It's been a pleasure. Thank you.

Since the 1890's the Van Helsing family has hunted the ever-elusive vampire Vlad the Impaler. He was the most feared man in the eastern block until it came out that he was not a man at all. When people realized his lack of humanity they began referring to him only as Dracula the lord of the undead.

It is not the 21st century and Ludwig Van Helsing (his mother was a fan of classical music) has finally tracked down Dracula to a remote town in Upstate New York. It is now his turn to go face to face with the ruler of the undead just as each of his male ancestors have in the past (In Bram Stoker's novel it claims that Abraham Van Helsing slayed the dark one, but that is nothing but a conspiracy to cover up the truth to keep the towns people calm. It was typical of politicians of the time.). It mid June and it's a nice warm day. The sun is shining and Ludwig takes that as a good sign. He parks his rental car at the front gate and walks up to the door of the mansion. He rings the bell, but no one answers. It's probably for the best, anyways his Intel informed him that there is a cave around back and that is where Dracula slumbers during the daylight hours. Ludwig digs around the piles of Burger King and Arby's wrappers in his back seat and produces a crossbow. He thinks it's kind of stupid, but the retro look of it is kinda bitchin'. He walks around the yard, waving to the neighbor next door who's mowing his lawn, and finds himself at the entrance of the cave. Ludwig is pretty much resigned to the fact that this is where he dies. I mean every male of his family has met the reaper under similar circumstances, but whatever this planet is going down the turlet anyways. If The Impaler doesn't get him, he'll probably end up with cancer or AIDS in the next year anyways. With that thought he stepped into the darkness.

About 100 feet inside the mouth of the cave Ludwig came upon a large wooden door. It looked as if he would never be able to open it himself, but with one small shove it flew open. You have to hand it to the prince of darkness; he sure doesn't let his property fall into disrepair. Inside the room was a smaller room that was built out of black steel, with what appeared to be elevator doors on it. Ludwig pushed the button and the doors slid open exposing what appeared to be the world's most comfortable bed. Ludwig momentarily forgot his charge and just lost himself thinking about taking a little nap. In the middle of the bed was Lord Dracula with a nice lacy sleep mask on, Ludwig slowly crept towards the bed, careful not to make a sound. Just as he was about a foot away he stepped on a remote control and Miley Cirus' "Party in the USA" started blaring from the stereo system. Oddly enough Dracula just rolled over. I guess a couple of hundred year of being undead really makes you a sound sleeper. Ludwig shrugged, pointed his crossbow and put and arrow right through the vampire's heart. Dracula screamed, exorbitant amounts of blood shot out of his chest and then he and all his fluids burned up, like he never existed. "Huh." was all Ludwig could say. It was way easier than he ever would have imagined.

His whole life had been built around stalking and then being killed by Dracula, and now that it was over and he was still alive he was completely unprepared. So he ended up moving into Dracula's house. There wasn't much inside except cases of empty bottles marked "Dracula's Blood." He didn't want to put them to the curb in the recycling bins for fear that the local homeless would then constantly rummage through his trash looking for more returnables. Instead he took up the hobby of making soda pop, and used the bottles to hold his wares. What else was he going to do, get a job? I think not. Since the bottles said "Dracula's Blood" already he decided to make a strawberry soda. It didn't turn out as well as he would have hoped. Here he was with all these rad looking bottles, with a sup par soda to fill them. He guessed it kind of tasted like strawberries, but it was more of a generic soda flavor with a generic berry undertone to it. The closer you got to the bottom the stronger the flavor became, but what good is it to have a few sips be tasty when over half the bottle be extremely disappointing. The town folks all laughed at him. Sure he had killed the father of the undead, but he still couldn't make a high quality soda. They didn't hesitate to remind him that you're only as good as your last achievement. Man he should have just given up after committing monster homicide.

With a label like this one would think that this soda would be incredible. It looks so classic and classy. One would be slightly wrong. It's not incredible. It's merely average.
It tastes like an everyday store brand ginger ale, but with a nice aftertaste burn. The thing is that I don't believe the burn is actually from ginger, as it's not listed on the ingredients. I believe it's actually the sodium benzoate that causes that reaction. It feels different than a ginger burn, and it's not as strong. If I had never had a ginger beer before I would probably be pretty stoked on this, but since I've had a lot of the good stuff this just doesn't cut it.