Cane Sugar - 601 Reviews

What happens when a boy from the South meets a girl from south of the South; Jamaica? Hilarity ensues. Watch as this crazy couple fights their way to love in this fantastic summer comedy. See Dax Shepherd in his best role since the 2006's smash hit, Idiocracy as a twenty-year-old Southern man on spring break meets Janet (played by both Tia and Tamara Mowry) on a trip to Jamaica. Dax Shepherd has a culture shock when he sees what Janet drinks, spiced pineapple juice. When Irwin (Shepherd) makes Janet try the South's iconic drink, sweet tea, the two fight it out for days, making everyone on the island try both drinks to decide which is better.

This romantic comedy turns sad when they can't decide and part ways with only one day left in Irwin's vacation. My favorite scene is where they are running around a fishing village like two chickens with their heads cut off and bump into each other, spilling their drinks into an empty DG Ting bottle. A man (Mos Def, uncredited) comes by, and says, "Hey mon, I thought that I drank this Ting ting." and proceeds to drink this mixture that the couple accidentally made. He said that he loved it because it was like the taste of the Caribbean mixed with the best American drink he had ever had, sweet tea. He then arbitrarily gave the drink a four, as if he were rating it, and then dove in the water and caught a fish with his bare hands.

All in all, I give this movie two thumbs up. The dynamic between the two protagonists really tugs at the heartstrings, regardless of how light this movie appears. Frankie Muniz did a wonderful job writing the screenplay for this film. Catch "Bag Juice" this holiday season in most theaters nationwide.

Marty wasn't like the other kids. He just could not get down with creamsicles. It just reminded him of when he was but a toddler and he tried to make an ice cream float with orange juice instead of soda. Just thinking about how the mixture curdled makes him want to vom all over the place. Ever since then he has stayed clear of those treats in ice cream and soda form.

The strange thing is that little Marty loves this Vio drink. You might say "but Marty that is the exact same thing as a creamsicle except the orange is switched out for lemon lime." You would be correct, but what you're forgetting is that Marty didn't dump cream into a cup filled with straight lemon and lime juice. When he drinks this, he just thinks about it being 7Up or Sprite that had ice cream added to it, and then it melted. No curdling involved. He's a happy camper. I'm a happy camper. You're a happy camper. Did I mention that we're at summer camp, sitting around a campfire sipping on these little treats? Well maybe I'm not a happy camper. While I love the way these taste, they do get to be a bit much to drink a whole 8oz bottle.

As someone who used to fly semi-often I can tell you that when the flight attendant comes around and asks what kind of drink you want, the only correct answer is ginger ale. I don't know why but airplanes and ginger ale go hand in hand like hot dogs and corn relish. To be honest it's very rare that I partake in a ginger ale when I'm not flying. When I do I just feel like I'm missing out on part of the experience.

I may not be thousands of feet above the Earth right now, but I am still enjoying the heck out of this ginger ale. In fact I believe it may be the best I've ever had. It smells spicy, like a tame ginger beer, but when you take a sip it's all flavor and no burn. In my not so humble opinion it blows your Vernors and Schweppes clear out of the friendly skies. The secret is that it is made with natural gingers and not extracts or artificial flavors. Even though this line is marketed as a mixer for alcoholic drinks, it more than stands up on it's own.

I don't like things I can't explain. I like new things because it's a new experience. This drink I simply can't put my finger on. When you burp, yes, it tastes like sarsaparilla, but when you drink it...question mark. I cannot place it. No matter how much I take a big sip, little sip, swish, and smell. On and on it goes and no answers. I might want to say that there is orange in it, but I can't be sure since one of the ingredients is listed as "natural and artificial flavors". Vague, nice.

This could also be the fastest dissipating drink I've ever drank. As soon as it's off your tongue, it's gone. No remnants, no remainder, no carry the one. Here then gone. Like a sports car that might be awesome but it drove past you on a residential street going around ninety and you couldn't tell if it was a Ferrari or what. All you know is it was fast. At least with a Ferrari, it would get your mind going about things like driving it, seeing it slower, touching it, sitting in it, wondering if Burt Reynolds was driving it. This drink just left you wondering why you wasted your time drinking something that didn't want to spend any time with you. This drink is a crappy girlfriend.

Eli was no captain at all. In fact he was nothing but a little punk kid with no friends save for his parrot, Perry. You may find yourself asking, "Where did Eli befriend a tropical bird such as Perry?" I'm going to let you in on some intel about our little Eli; he's a bit of a troublemaker and a thief. Last summer he hopped a train down to Boston and stole Perry from a zoo while it was closed. No one knows how Eli got back up to Maine, or how he got the bird to come with him but here he is rowing his stupid little thief boat out to sea. Just a bit earlier he and Perry filled their rowboat up with strawberries that they stole from the back of the local Co-Op. As they were rowing away the manager overheard Perry squawking about bubbly water (He is a stupid parrot, so he repeats everything Eli says. It's said that Eli only hangs out with the parrot because he is such a narcissist.). Cases of carbonated water were constantly going missing from the local Whole Foods. The manager had his suspicions of Eli, but to him the word of that mangy bird was all he needed.

You see the end of all Eli's crime is that he is passionate about soda pop. He hated the gross syrupy sodas that he stole from the gas stations, so he took matters into his own hands. He found a cave down on a secluded beach, stole some vats and bottles and started brewing his own pop to his own specifications and tastes. Hi newest batch would be a strawberry soda that tasted more like those little strawberry candies whose wrappers look like the fruit. He wanted that in bubbly liquid form, but not so sickly sweet. Sadly Perry went nuts and overturned the boat. No one has seen Eli since. He was a menace to the town, but for some reason they missed him, so they brewed up a batch of strawberry soda for his send off. Since he had stolen all the actual strawberries they had to use artificial flavors, but I think they achieved their goal.

Alright fine. I'll come out and say it. For the last week, I've been on a cruise. We went to a tropical location and it was quite lovely. Food and drink were atrocious and there was one day where, and I'm making up a percentage, 80% of the boat got wicked sick. Aside from that, it was totally awesome and I would do it again.

While being on that boat, I was tired. Super tired. I could never get enough sleep. It's not that I didn't sleep well, which I didn't, but I think that the (mostly) gentle rocking of the boat put me to sleep so any time I was in the room, I would touch the bed and wake up an hour later. Just like that. Like a tired baby, my face would touch the bed and BAM, seven turned into eight.

Now I'm home and should be well rested, but I'm not. I'm still tired and have a life to live. I've got things to do, people to see, obligations to sort out and all the while I am tired and still have my sea legs attached instead of my trusty, land lubber legs. To compensate and hopefully, temporarily over-compensate, I have taken part in this energy drink. I have been drinking a lot of these as of late. I hope there isn't anything wrong with me but assuming there isn't, let's get down to brass tacks and review this drink.

It's good. I had never seen this Vitamin Energy before and the corner store, aptly named "The Corner Store" had it so I bought her and threw her in the fridge for a week. Having eaten one actual dragon fruit, I felt like I was an expert in the matter.

This drink tasted remarkably like dragon fruit and remarkably not gross/energy...y. I would say ten percent, maybe fifteen percent energy and the remainder is dragon fruit. I wonder why anyone would drink a Red Bull or equivalent if they have energy drinks that taste like this. Seriously, people. If you like energy drinks and live by Red Bull, you're a dummy because there are better tasting energy drinks out there. Don't be a dummy. Get this drink.

Every time I read Squamscot on one of these bottles I instantly start thinking about Sasquatch. Then my mind starts to wonder and I create a scenario where Squamscot is actually a close relative of Sasquatch that has moved down to New Hampshire. He decided he needed a change in his life so why not move to a coastal town on the east coast? Perhaps he hopped a train, or maybe he just walked across the United States. I doubt the latter because the mid-west is awful flat and I'm pretty sure someone who notices some variety of Bigfoot just trekking across the prairie. Who knows? Maybe he even shaved up his fur a bit and took a bus. Obviously planes aren't an option. I mean where is Squamscot going to get a government issued ID to board a plane? However he got there, he now resides in historic New Hampshire.

The townspeople know the stories and a group of them got together to create some soda to honor their guest from the Pacific North East. Unfortunately this cola doesn't have the same bite that I can only assume the Squamscot has. It's actually one of the smoothest colas I have ever had, and that isn't something I look for in this type of soda. It definitely has more of an old fashioned brewed taste, but it just doesn't quite reach the goals it was trying to achieve. If they had taken this recipe and added a bit of a bite to it I could see myself really loving it. As it stands let's just hope it doesn't upset the Squamscot creature. We don't want it going into a rampage and destroying the tourist area of town.

Our fuzzy little friends the kiwis (no I'm not talking about the indigenous people) are always a nice little treat in their fruit form. I don't know anyone who would ever turn down a kiwi if offered. The problem is that when this little guy gets transformed into a soda it's flavor somehow gets transformed into something resembling green apple. It's not 100% green apple, but the similarities are definitely there, and it only vaguely resembles the great fruit it once was. It comes in waves. First a very brief kiwi taste, then the apple and then a milder kiwi flavor returns in the aftertaste. I don't understand the science behind it and I'm wearing a white lab coat and everything. My hypothesis would normally be that it has something to do with the hibiscus in it, but I've had a different kiwi soda recently that had a similar taste. I guess the answer was lost hundreds of years ago with the ancients. It's sad too because I really like kiwi, and I'm not a big fan of green apple flavored things so this was kind of ruined for me.

The past couple of days have really been kicking my keister. Due to the holiday, and general gluttony, I've been eating way too much food. That coupled with the fact that it's dark by 6pm has caused me to get sleepy way early. Yesterday I took a step towards being the old man that I've been striving to become by taking a nap. Today I had too much stuff to do, so I partook in this little treat.

Does it taste like mango? Not really. Does it taste like a citrus fruit punch? You betcha. It has a slight chemical/candy energy drink taste, but for the most part it tastes like a citrus juice. I really wish stores around here sold this line of Cintron energy drinks, because I have yet to have one that I dislike and for some unscientific reason (very unlike us Thirsty Dudes) I don't feel as bad when I drink one of these. Even though they aren't made with real fruit juice, they sure taste like they are, and I will let me mind continue to pretend that they are.

Thanksgiving is a time to meet up with family, forget about diets, and have a great time. Football is on, a pastime that I couldn't care less about, but people look forward to it, even if their home team isn't playing, something I never understood. My brothers are in fantasy football leagues and have to watch like every game on TV to know how their players did. That seems exhausting. Watching every team play every team? Ugh, no thank you. How did the Bills do today? Oh, it's a Thursday and they didn't play? Welp, whatever.

Today, my brothers debated if the Chevy Volt was a good car. We argued that 45 miles of an electric charge isn't something that should have been released from the factory. One brother made the good point that you can at least get the reserve tank of the gas in case you go over the paltry 45 miles. It's really a matter of infrastructure. There is nothing that we can do about that.

So that is something to remember. Four brothers in a room for the first time in a year, discussing worldly issues. My parents tried to capture the moment by taking pictures, but I don't take pictures well and often/always make funny faces so everyone will be disappointed with the results of that photo shoot. Something I won't remember is this drink. It's average through and through. It's not bad by any means, but it couldn't be more "safe". It's got a good sweet tea, black tea taste with lemon. It's the definition of a sweet, black tea. If you are in the mood for that, look no further. If you want something great, there are other companies.

Tazo makes some awesome stuff and really raises the bar with different flavor combinations, made up fruits, and different sweeteners. This is classic, safe, regular, and so on and so forth.

Twenty-one inches, ladies and gentlemen. Twenty-one inches. What is twenty-one inches, you ask? The spaghetti that I bought today. Some of the strands I later discovered were bent in half so the ones that were 100% intact were actually forty-two inches long. You see why I had to buy it, right? Every day people eat boring spaghetti that is only a foot long, and that's for the birds now what I've had this stuff.

To accompany my giant, novelty spaghetti, I had to have a solid drink. You know how some wine compliments cheese and visa-versa? Apparently I think that ginger ale compliments spaghetti because that's what I picked out.

I was let down. The spaghetti was alright. It took forever to cook and although it wasn't bad, it was just long spaghetti. One thing I didn't like after the fact is that it was hollow which made it hard to slurp. I don't typically slurp spaghetti, but the fact that I was going to slurp on strand of spaghetti for up to forty-two inches was something I quickly put and then removed from my bucket list. The ginger ale was dreadfully mediocre. It didn't have any bite and if anything was a bit dry. One did not compliment the other and I made a poor pairing mistake.

If you see that spaghetti anywhere, buy it because it is fun. If you see this pop anywhere, leave it be.

For years Adirondack has made normal every day sodas. They are a brand that you pass in the pop aisle of your local grocery store and don't give it a second glance. It blends in with the store brand and honestly just doesn't look very astounding. It's a decent soda and all, but nothing to get exited about.

The company has taken note of the current state of affairs with consumers walking away from HFCS in everything. They climbed to the top of one of the glorious mountains in their range and came to a decision to make a natural soda. They actually blew one of those huge horns in celebration and nearly caused an avalanche. I really wish that last part was true. That would mean that there was a mountain range a couple hours away from me that was that ridiculously high. Man I would hang out there all the time. Okay, that's another lie. I live 5 hours from the Adirondacks and I have never once gone hiking or camping there. It's criminal really.

Back to the soda. This tastes pretty much like any average cola, but it's not thick and syrupy. There's no special blend or anything. It's just your every day cola. You know what? Good for them. Most people love this sort of stuff, and it's giving them the taste they know and love in a healthier version. Doctors everywhere give you their thanks.

Flagstaff is an interesting town. I would have never guessed it was in Arizona if I woke up there one day. It feels more like a small town in the mountains of Colorado. It's cold and the streets are lined with little shops. In a word, it's 'quaint'. It reminded me of that TV show Everwood. I don't think many people have ever watched it because no one ever gets my references to it.

I found this root beer in one of said shops. I probably would have never gone in if I didn't see the display of root beer bottles in the window. They had a decent selection, including this fine bottle. As I expected, it was a delicious root beer. Creamy with a nice classic taste to it. Not much bite to it, but it complimented the cool air of Flagstaff really well.

The name of this company, "Best Health's" reminds me of the early days where people would sell everything as "medicine". Buy this gasoline. It's sure to keep you more alert than a jumpin' jackrabbit. This here opium will keep you warm at night and make sure the bed bugs don't bite.

This may have been sold as a medicine disguiser, as I think pop originally was, but this is just smuggling gallons of vanilla. It's a dark root beer, that's for truth. It's good. There isn't any bite and it's fairly smooth, but it's not so common so have so much vanilla in a root beer.

Alright, one more...dentists are for fools, brush with this metal bristle brush and be sure to scrape those foul smelling odors away.

It looks like Scooter is all excited to head home and crack open a nice cold bottle of cream soda. He looks so happy and it looks like he can't get home soon enough. Looks can be deceiving my friends. I propose that Scooter is not racing home to have a nice. I believe that he is actually fleeing the scene of a crime. A crime that he perpetrated at the Cooper's Cave Ale Company.

If their Butter Beer was ant indication, Cooper's Cave knows how to make a high quality soda, especially a cream soda. I believe little Scooter went into the brewery and messed with the levels. For years he had been trying to get them to develop a cantaloupe flavored soda for him. It haunted his dreams and he needed it rushing over his taste buds in waking life. Mr. Cooper always brushed him off, but this morning Mr. Cooper was in a bad mood and he snapped art little Scooter and told him harshly that they would never produce such a soda and that the little festering bowl of dog snot should just leave him alone. Scooter ran out crying. After he calmed down, he decided he wanted revenge. He snuck into the brewery when the workers were on lunch and decreased the flavor by half. Now there was twice as much water to everything else ratio. Bad news bears. It left the batch very plain and uninteresting. The cream soda was more of an aftertaste. Looks like Scooter won this round. I wouldn't cross him if I were you.

Seriously though, I don't know if I got a bad batch of what, but the levels seem really off in the bottle. As I said their butterscotch cream soda was insanely flavorful, and this just pales in comparison. Something is awry.

Kristall has done it again. This is a light and flavorful top-notch soda. Carbonated orange juice is something I can get behind. It falls somewhere between juice and a soda in terms of flavor. It's similar to Orangina, but it really tastes more like oranges. I really wish this was available in Western New York. Unfortunately it is not, so I have to wait until I'm someplace there is a Whole Foods so I can buy a couple of bottles.

Death Valley in a time when the west was old was probably a completely terrible place. It's over 100 degrees all day, there's no decent place to go to the bathroom, and more often than not you're going to find a scorpion in your boot. I think one of the worst aspects of the old west that is never portrayed in movies is just how terrible everyone must smell. Sure they haven't showered in weeks, or months, but what really grosses me out is just how bad everyone's breath had to be. Have you ever smelled someone's breath who hasn't brushed their teeth in years, and whose teeth are undoubtedly rotting out of their head? Not for me.

Basically I have no interest in the old west. I like at least minimum comfort, and I just need to have clean teeth. This bottle of cola says that it's a taste of the old west. I'm calling shenanigans. This is far to delicious to be from such a dire time. This is one of the greatest colas I have ever tasted. It's incredibly smooth and flavorful. This is so much more than a Coke or a Pepsi. It's not nearly as harsh as contemporary colas. I can't get over how smooth it tastes. It's almost as smooth as a quality cream soda. The cola taste is very strong and it doesn't taste like a sugar water.

Now I can't get the idea of gross old west mouth rot out of my head so I'm going to go brush my teeth about a half dozen times.

Sit down children and let me tell you a tale of the Cherry Tree. Deep in the forests of England there is a tree that is very rare indeed. It may look like any other fruit bearing tree, and to be fair that is what it is. The only difference is that the cherries this specific and wondrous variety brings forth tastes of cherry cola. Scientists the world 'round have tried to figure out what causes that flavor, and more importantly why it can only grow in that one place. All of their efforts have just left them scratching their collective noggins.

The Fentimans company has bought all of the land these trees grow on and have begun to use them to create a new soda in their line. The result is the best cherry cola I have ever tasted. It also helps that ginger root extract is the second ingredient, above even sugar. Don't worry though it doesn't have a ginger burn to it. It just rounds out the flavor a little. A lot of their other sodas taste fermented, which is a little off putting to me. With this one the magic cherry, cola and ginger flavors blend together in a way that overpowers that pesky fermentation. Thumbs up all around.

Remember that thing about your grandma that I wrote last week about her being awesome? Everything I said still stands. The baking, the cooking, everything. I love my grandma, but I would not lick her. I mean, if I had to, I would. She's my grandma. I would lick her to save my life or her life. There are other reason I would but they would all be very strange situations if I had to lick her to accomplish any sort of end goal.

This drink is strange. It's like your grandma, who still wears the same perfume she did 70 years ago as a young lady, had a glass of lemonade and did her makeup and was having a rather smell morning and had to apply extra and didn't bother covering the glass with a doily or something and all the perfume and stuff got inside and infused the lemonade with "old lady smell." It's not terrible. It's not something I would drink again because it really tastes like if I filtered lemonade through an old woman's hair.

Well that wasn't a good way to sell a product.

First of all, I performed one of the cardinal sins of Thirsty Dudes, which is drink, a drink without taking a picture of it. I thought I did but I forgot and now you're left with a stock image from Amazon. For that, I apologize even though Amazon has better images that we ever will. It's part of our charm. We're charming with our lack of professionalism. Face it, you can't help but love us.

I hated GUS's Cola. A lot. This is a whole other story. This is pretty great. It's almost like a sparkling pomegranate juice rather than a pop. It's bitter, like a pomegranate, and GUS lets it do its thing. That's the right thing to do. Not too sweet, as it says. It's super fruity, and actually, and for the first time, tastes like pomegranate.

Parents, I kind of feel like if your brat kids want pop, you can give them this and it's a safe middle ground. It's fruity enough for their sugar craving faces, but not filled with enough sugar that you don't have to empty your wallet, pocketbook, purse, fanny pack on both expensive, gourmet pop and dental expenses.

---

EDIT: I found it. I knew I took a picture of it.