Mike Literman - 1759 Reviews

This is good cream soda. I'm better at reviewing drinks than playing video games. I say this because my primary concern is to drink and tell you about good cream soda rather than focus on killing terrorists with 8 year olds that are better than me.

This cream soda really isn't anything you haven't had before. That is a compliment as I have had some horrid stuff in the past. I wish that it was with cane sugar but you can't really taste the corn syrup over the cream and/or vanilla.

First of all, let me explain the rating. I would not drink this again. It was quite an adventure. I know nothing of whatever pennywort is, and still don't. The image on the front looks like it would have been a drink made out of cilantro, which might have been good. This was better than I had thought it was going to be. The taste was very present. It's full sugar, full flavor, and full color. This was a dark drab green. I put it in a clear, plastic cup and I couldn't see my hand on the other side. I think if I had a glass half as wide I still wouldn't have been able to see it. The taste was just like a sweet tea that some jokester put grass clippings in. If you've even been bored, picked up some grass and put it in your mouth and chewed it, you would have a non-sweetened version of this.

I've had wheat grass and I guess it's a little bit like that, but at least wheat grass has a natural sweet and not an applied sweet. Does that make sense?

I save "1's" for drinks I simply can't finish and this is one of them. I don't feel the need to torture myself since I've got a fridge filled with other stuff. If I was trapped on an island and a case of this washed up on short, I'd drink it, but until then, I'll let someone else do it.

I'll tell you what I love. Giving any drink with nata de coco or aloe vera in it to unsuspecting people. Who thinks that there are chunks in drinks? Who doesn't look at what they are drinking if it comes in a clear bottle? Suckers, that's who.

Onward to the review:

Way better than the apple lemon nata de coco drink I had last week. I'm not playing favorites, but this is better. The lychee gives it a nice floral aroma and the chunks were marinated with the hint of lychee so every time you bit into one, it's like a rush of flowers in your senses. The flavor isn't too sweet and doesn't have that poison sting that a lot of Asian drinks have.

This is on par with some lychee drinks I've had, which is good. Familiar. Familiar is good.

Like candy. Drinking Red Fanta is like candy. It's terribly sweet, but so is candy. How else can I describe it? After doing 5 minutes of research, this Thailand favorite (purchased by me at an Asian food store) is a local favorite and holds it weight in gelding. Imagine paying someone in pop. That might be awesome and tooth decaying.

This small bottle went down smooth. It was very fruity and small enough that I don't feel the need to get a toothiotomy.

This went bad. Really bad. Terribly bad. Did I still drink it? Yep-ahh. I'm a glutton for punishment. I'll give you the back-story:

My girlfriend went to Vegas. She only won $100 but with the proceeds, she went to Trader Joe's, a store we don't have where we are from, and bought a handful of stuff that you can't get here. One of those drinks being this watermelon juice. She then came home, gave it to me, and I brought it to work to review.

So here I am, thirsty. After all, I am a thirsty dude. I say to myself that I'm going to try this watermelon juice because, after all, I like watermelon. I open the cap, hand it to my friend Mike (pictured) and he tries it, and quickly shows a face of utter disgust. "It tastes like someone crushed the watermelons with rubber." he says handing the bottle to me. I smell it, and it's putrid. I taste it...equally putrid. It tasted like you ate two day old, thrown out watermelon.

Think like you are a homeless person and you go through the garbage on a Monday after a back yard barbecue held the previous Saturday. You find what looks like a perfectly good slice of watermelon, but lo and behold, it is not. Put that in a bottle and sell it and that's what you've got.

This was probably out of the fridge for too long during transport so I might re-rate this at a later date. If someone else has had this with better luck than myself, please tell me otherwise. If this is how it tastes, share this link with your friends so that they stop making garbage watermelon juice.

Tropical? Yes.
Quenching? Yes.
Pretty good? Yep.

As per most Vitamin Waters, they're pretty good. This one is no different. Everyone gives them flak because they're not good for you, and they're right, but calm down. Sometimes you need a bit of flavor in your life. You get a strong mango flavor so if you're not into it, put this back and get one of their other 15 flavors. Every time I look, they have more. You don't get a strong fake sugar flavor to this either, which is excellent. There is both crystalline fructose and cane sugar, so their duo might cancel each other out. As per all other Vitamin Water's, I don't know what is the distinguishable difference between a "water" and a "juice". I can't see through this beverage so I assume it's a juice. If I poured it into a glass, I would say that it's juice.

A letter from the desk of Mike Literman,

Dear Uni,
Are you sorcerers? What type of wizardry do you have in stock that you can do what you did? I was a bit standoffish when I read barley. I don't drink anything with barley in it so I don't know what it's used for other than beer. Whatever you did was a work of art. Now you're artists, you've been promoted/demoted from wizard. This barley black tea tastes like chocolate milk, and good chocolate milk. There is a little black tea, like it's a half and half with chocolate milk and black tea. It's very good. It's very, very good. I love you. It turns out barley isn't such a jerk after all.

Love,
Mike Literman

Imagine if you will, a story involving any random college dude-bro who talks to himself.

Dude. I don't want to drink. After an all week binge of the lowest quality, domestic beer, I need something else. I need something with no added sugar and something that's not strange. I can't deal with anything half gelatinous or spicy. I also think that I need something the size and shape of a baseball. Got it, I'll have a step above a child's size apple juice.

This was a wonderful apple juice. Sure I feel childish drinking apple juice but I also don't shave and don't terribly care what people think. Giving it a 4. I would love to play flip cup with a keg of this apple juice. Can you keginate apple juice?

This is surprisingly good, like "would buy again" good. If I had to describe the taste, it would just be a black tea with a lot of cane sugar. I didn't get much chrysanthemum, which was honestly a bummer. I kind of wanted a nice, light flowery drink. There was an element of "something" which I'm assuming was chrysanthemum, but the sugar was a bit overpowering. Not too overpowering, but enough to beat the race to the finish line with the pre-desired flower taste.

Still it wasn't bad. I was hoping for a little dirty, garden flower taste, but, alas, it was not delivered.

I enjoy chunks in my drinks. I like pulp in my orange juice, I like aloe vera drinks and for these reasons I was excited to try this. What's in it? Coconut jelly. They're gummy, too, so you have to chew it. You can swallow them whole, but I like the texture. Also, apple and lemon? Sign me up. This drink did have a little...bite(?) that you get from artificial flavors sometimes. Especially with Asian juice drinks, I feel that I get this strange tangy taste. This, unfortunately, kills my review.

I don't know why, but I think kids will like it. Kids are more adventurous than adults.

I've got more coconut themed drinks on the way thanks to a newfound Asian market.

I can't put my finger on this. It's not bad, but it's not anything I would feel the need to drink again. According to one "source" this is the official drink of Scotland. If so, Scotland, you can do better. This is clearly a soft drink but the flavor is a mix between soda water, orange, and bubble gum. If someone could sum it up better than that, please, do so.

This is very good. I've had some other Thai tea, which was not so good. This is not that tea. It's so simple, chai tea, sugar, and milk, but it's quite good. It's lightly spiced and very creamy. I've got another to review, but this one was exceptional and if anyone has a local Asian food market, look there for it. Luckily, this one is about half a mile from my house. They'll be seeing a lot more of me.

Arizona iced tea has a taste. You could pick it out in a lineup with your eyes closed and mouth open. I think that prior to the "lite" version, I've only had the "zero" which is made with aspartame/poison. This one has HFCS, which is less tastefully disturbing. It's definitely got a distinct taste to it after not really drinking it for a long time, but it's better than I remember. Think of an Arizona iced tea with lemon and then pour some lemonade in it. Simple.

I have never had any other company's half and half, but would be interested in trying them. I've heard that Sweet Leaf has one that's very good, but hard to come by.

Well...color me impressed. I read the label and it says "Milk Shake". Whatever dude, it's just chocolate milk lying to me. I will sincerely apologize to you, Chug, as you have actually released a milk shake in a bottle.

I bought this over at the Dollar General on a whim and what a good whim. It is the thickest, creamiest "milkshake in a bottle" I've ever had. It's as if you bought a legit milkshake at your local chromed our diner and let it sit on the table for ten minutes. It tastes like the bottom of every chocolate milkshake you've ever had.

Convinced? Do it. Tom Scharpling says, "Do it." Henry Rollins says, "Do it." I say, "Do it."

HOLY CRAP IT'S SO GOOD!

Aside from it being the darkest creme soda I've ever had, it's probably the best. It hits hard and cold, like a refrigerated pop will, but as soon as the temperature calms down and you can start to taste flavor, it's smooth as can be. Smooth as a baby's butt. Smooth as silk. Smooth as a river rock.

Go buy some. It's fantastic. This will be a return flavor for me.

Imagine, if you will, you are walking down the street. It's hot. You wipe your brow. It's so hot. Why didn't you take your car? Oh, yeah, the alternator is broken. Man...so warm. Why are you wearing those sweatpants? Oh, because you just left your girlfriend's apartment and no one who goes to college wears actual pants. Wait...what? Did someone just say...YES! They did. You put your hand to your face so the glaring sun doesn't get in your eyes and you see two girls. These girls, ages 5 and 7 respectively, are asking if anyone wants lemonade. You clearly do, as you've soaked right through your older brother's old Phish tie dye crew neck sweater. You throw down a moist $1 bill and get a large glass of lemonade and chug it just like you did the night before when you slayed those freshman at flip cup.

Swiss Premium Naturally Flavored Lemonade tastes like kids street lemonade. A lot of sugar, a little bit of lemon, and perfect on a hot summers day.

First of all, please, for me, be careful with this. It might be the darkest juice I've ever drunk and I don't want you spilling it on your white Polo shirt and off white tennis skirt.

Onward to the review:
Stuff is good. It has no sugar in it but somehow only with fruit clocks in at a whopping 300 calories. Seems high but I'm not a nutritionist. This juice is filled with pomegranate, blueberry, apples, and grape juices and purees. This might actually be a healthy drink if you split it in its recommended serving size of half the bottle.

It's not bitter and it's not gritty like you might think a partially pureed and pomegranate drink would be. Maybe a little tart but who doesn't like that tight cheek feeling?

Get it. You will like it.

Is this our first diet drink? I think it might be. My review? Tastes like a diet drink. Aspartame has the "too sweet" bite aftertaste to it. I typically don't drink things like this, but with any new drink, it has to be reviews. Sorry friend, but you too have to enter the gauntlet.

Sweeteners aside, it give you a good initial kick of flavor. Even though it is still, at its core, lemon and lime, you really get a cranberry taste.

Far from my least favorite diet pop, but I honestly don't have a favorite so you can take that however you would like. It tastes a lot less like poison than a lot of the other diet's I've tried in the past.

What a crisp drink. I've been finding that there are some great drinks at holes in the wall. This one, like the others, was found at Black Rock Beverages. It's such a throwback. I love it. The small, reused bottles with pry-off caps are so retro, but for them, it's the way it's always been.

This was a nice, fast, sweet drink. It's close to 7-up and Sprite, but different. My friend Matt I let try it says that he likes it and doesn't like 7-up and Sprite is impressive. Like I said, it's got a sweetness and a definite citrus flavor, but nothing you can put your finger on. According to the bottle cap, it's got citrate and lemon lime extract so there you go.

If you want something different but somewhat familiar, get this. Seriously, it's $0.30. Get two. Your girlfriend is in the car waiting for you.

I was excited to try this. Why? I enjoy minted waters. This was simply labeled "mint" which makes me default to peppermint. Why? I don't know. I was first disappointed when it was spearmint. I don't hate spearmint but I think that my mind just associates it with gum only. When was the other time you had spearmint? Yeah, I thought so. But this spearmint was lighter than the Metromint drink. I got a natural sweet aftertaste vs. the overwhelming mint taste I got from Metromimt.

Drinks like this make me wish we had a Trader Joe's in my area; even if I can't afford anything in there. Derek in the Thirsty Dudes Portland office has been reviewing a lot of Trader Joe stuff as of late so keep your eyes on that cat.

Mint water is not a substitute for brushing your teeth.