Alright people we need to focus here. We've been in this lab working for what seems like weeks on a new energy drink. Okay, I understand that you've been focusing, and that no one wants to be stuck in this lab, but let's refocus, because Mark's little cloning experiment over there in the corner, is proof that focus has been lost.

What are people looking for in an energy drink? It's certainly not another Red Bull clone, because there are obscene amounts of them in the market. How about coffee? You're right, people are a bit particular about their coffee, and a lot of people tend to not like it. Wait! I have it! What if we us green coffee been extract and not the brewed roasted kind everyone is used to? It's got a nice caffeine kick, but it doesn't taste anything like coffee, but it would be of interest to everyone.

Okay what next? Hmm, I've been hearing that people are skeptical about taurine, so let's keep it out of this drink. Let's stick with the caffeine from the green coffee and maybe add some ginseng and B vitamins. We'll keep this thing fairly natural with none of those chemicals that the other companies use. By doing that we'll be able to avoid the liquid candy taste that energy drinks have. We'll stick out in the market.

We're on to something here people. It just needs one more thing to make it pop. How about we lower the sugar and calorie count, but make sure it doesn't taste diet? No I'm not a magician with the powers to make zero calorie sweeteners taste good. We'll simply use both sugar and stevia. The blend will lower the calorie count a bit, but it will retain the sugar flavor.

We now have a base that is exactly what we needed. It's low calorie with out tasting diet, it doesn't have the chemical taste that most energy drinks have, and it's unique flavor wise because of the green coffee extract. I personally think we could go to market with this, but let's add some other flavorings so we can have a line of drinks, instead of just one product. Mark, what is your clone doing to the mixture? Oh he's adding some pink grapefruit flavoring, well that sounds nice. Actually, I wish it had a stronger flavor. It's definitely pink grapefruit in there, but it's doesn't have the sour taste that would make it taste like real juice was used. I know you did you some real juice, but people won't be able to tell from this flavor. It's just a bit dull. I mean it's good enough to go to market, but my personal tastes want it to be a bit more present.

Mark, you and your clone are fired. No it's not because of the pink grapefruit thing, actually that was fine. It's because you never participate and you created a fully gestated clone while we were supposed to be making an energy drink. I don't care if you're my nephew. I'll deal with my sister's complaints when I get home.

They taketh away and they giveth back. They recently closed my Arby's. Tears streaming down my face, right? Swimming in a sea of my salty sadness, I dealt with my loss of a local Jamocha shake. As soon as I shook it like a love lost, Dunkin' Donuts twists the knife and releases this guy and they do it well.

I don't know about "ice cream flavors" unless you're got very refined tastes but that's what this was released under the collection "Ice Cream Flavors." Cookie Dough and Butter Pecan yes. I have had those ice creams. Jamocha Almond Fudge Swirl sounds like a great ice cream that just doesn't exist yet. That being said I've got a small iced coffee version of it inside of me and am pleased to say that it can stay as long as it wants because it was rather great. Good coffee taste but well rounded by the chocolate and/or fudge. The almond I couldn't really get but I didn't miss it. Sure I love almonds and if I died today, the mortician would say, "Man, I can't believe that Dunkin' Donuts just kept stabbing him but this kid sure did eat a lot of almonds. Also here are all the pennies that he ate as a kid that didn't get digested. There is thirteen cents in here. Here, Tom, we'll split it since you're holding his ribcage open and have earned your cut."

A small was enough. Anyone who gets a larger one clearly doesn't know what a vegetable is and should be both mentally and physically evaluated.

Lemonade is great but man is there a lot of sugar in there. Kids don't know portioning or teaspoons from tablespoons. "Who cares?" they say as they dump a cup of sugar into a container that only needs two tablespoons of sugar. Kids are often adorable but their actions can cause grave consequences. This though, adults formulated this drink. People who can read a measuring cup and know how to weigh and properly distribute ingredients. The mix between lemon and sweet, brought to you by your friend the beet, is perfect. It's got a little bit of sour and bitter from the lemon but before you are taken to a citric wasteland, Captain Beets relieves your tongue with some fantastic sweetness. Beets and lemons: together at last.

Dear Slim Fast,
What is your name in reference to? Does it mean that by drinking your meal replacements one will lose weight quickly? Or perhaps you means that you will drink this and then refrain from eating other foods aka fasting? Perhaps it's a combination of the two. Whatever your origin story, I think it's a good choice for a moniker for a beverage that is supposed to help one lose weight.

Is it a good flavor name though? Creamy Milk Chocolate? I initially thought no, because I prefer dark chocolate so much more to milk chocolate. I then remembered that I'm a snob and a majority of the world loves milk chocolate, and referring to it as creamy is enticing. Bitter Dark Chocolate just doesn't have the same allure. I mean, I would be all over a drink named that, but I'm a maniac apparently.

The name is very appropriate for the flavor. This is very creamy and very chocolaty. This is what I wish chocolate milk were like. It's a little thicker than milk, due to the protein, but the flavor is also stronger. I would happily drink this instead of eating. Problem is I drank this about an hour ago and I am already hungry again. I think I need to starve myself so that my stomach shrinks down. I eat way too much food.

Of the things I don't understand in life one of the big ones in the realm of family matters is why my father has a Kokopelli tattoo. I have no idea why in his late forties he decided to get a tattoo of a fertility deity. I know it also representative of agriculture, but my father is not a farmer, and I have never known him to tend even a houseplant. He also represents the spirit of music, but my father isn't a big music guy either. The tattoo is just one of the mysteries of the universe. I mean I could ask him why he got it, but that would take the fun out of it, and then he might talk to me about my tattoos, and who wants to explain to their parents why they have a llama and an ostrich dressed as Batman and Robin tattooed on them. I'll keep the mystery in all of our lives.

I'm also left wondering why Coco Libre uses a Kokopelli on their bottles as well. He is a symbol embraced by the Native American tribes of the southwest. They are located in Palo Alto (northern California) and neither coconuts nor chia; the two main ingredients in the company's products are native to that area of the country. The deity's presence is as puzzling on this bottle as he is on my father's skin.

Their choice of mascot aside, this is a nice little beverage. As far as I know Coco Libre is the only company out there combining coconut water and chia seeds, to which I give them a tip of my hat. I am a fan of chia seeds in drinks, as I enjoy a beverage with some texture to it. I have also been fully converted and love coconut water. The added flavor is very strong in this. 26% of this is concentrated fruit juice, and that is a high percentage seeing as the seeds take up most of the bottle. They also put out unusual flavors for coconut water. This leaves me wishing I had cherry coconut water available to me. I like cherries, and I love cherry drinks, well as long as they don't taste like cough syrup, which this doesn't at all.

As far as sweetened, canned, iced coffee drinks go, this is on the better side. I don't drink coffee. I only drink energy drinks when they have to be reviewed. My body doesn't know how to handle pure caffeine so I try and stick to what my body can tolerate which is, at most, small mochas and tea.

This is more coffee than I am used to in these drinks. It's one rung above "lightly sweetened" and you can really taste the coffee in it. Seeing as though I don't know my blends or regions of coffees, I will say rather objectively that I think this is on the lighter side of blends and that it was pretty good. A coffee drinker at the office sampled it and said that it tasted pretty true to a good Kona blend.

There you have it. Coffee drinkers and people who don't really drink coffee too much agree; this is a good canned coffee. What more could you ask for?

Whoever decided that coconut water should come packaged in cans like this has done well for the branding of the fruit. Coke has it's unique bottle shape and coconut water has tall cans with ridges. I can't think of anything else that comes in this sort of can. When I see a can of this nature I instantly think of coconut water and that is great from an advertising point of view.

In the past when I heard the word Zola I expected it to be followed by Jesus (she's a musician if you didn't know). Now I will also think of coconut water and nicely shaped cans. This is a fine coconut water. It's nothing new, but it's not trying to be. It's simply natural coconut water with some pulp in it. Nothing stands out about it, but do you really want something wacky from coconut water? I'm guessing now, you want refreshment.

The pulp in here are little hard chunks of raw coconut. They are a little bigger than what I would refer to as pulp, but I enjoyed them a great deal. It's nice to chew on them, and they add a little texture to the beverage.

Zola: doing coconuts right and making them proud.

As he sat comfortably in his seat, Alan watches as the Hudson valley passed home. He had just spent a couple days in the city and while he was feeling more refreshed than before, he was excited to sleep in his own bed. He loved visiting the city any time he could get away from his responsibilities at home and just unwind with friends. This time was different, though.

Alan was at a club and was dancing by himself, the way he liked it. Some of the songs were not his favorite but as long as he kept his feet moving he knew he would make it through the night. A girl approached him and asked him his name and how he knew his circle of friends. He replied very courteously but short. He was in a relationship and took one look at this girl and knew she was trouble. She constantly grabbed him by the waist and grabbed his hands and put them on her hips as she swayed back and forth to the music. He was no longer having fun because he was constantly awaiting the inevitable time that would come where she would lean in for a drunken kiss and he would have to dodge it. Without fail and during one of his favorite songs, she leaned in, eyes closed, tongue protruding from her mouth, beer in hand as always, and he just appeared to vanish. He walked outside the club not looking back and popped into a bodega nearby to regroup. He scanned the shelves and decided to pick out a drink. He bought an iced tea that he had never seen before and sat outside the club and started drinking it. It was good. It was sweet but it was good. It tasted like a less sweet Arizona green tea but it almost tasted like an apple juice instead of just green tea. As he was sitting outside the girl approached him outside with a very angry face. She started yelling at him in front of all the people outside smoking and waiting for cabs. He got up and just walked around the building so as to non-verbally tell her to leave him alone. She followed him around the building, yelling the entire way. Alan turned around, faced the upset girl, put his drink down, walked towards her, put his hands on her waist and kissed her. She stopped talking and kissed back and Alan promptly stopped, picked up his drink, looked at the girl and said, "Alright. That's enough. Go back inside." and the girl, very confused went inside.

As the trees and hills and water passed Alan on the train he wondered what went through that girls head as he turned the tables on that girl and left her very confused in the parking lot. Part of him was curious and the other half couldn't care less. He took a sip of his coffee and just continued to look outside at the passing time.

Pineapple juice? Check. Orange juice? Check. Together? What is a half-check? That's just like a "v," right? This is fine. I'm making jokes about what half a check mark looks like. Ugh, terrible material. Some kid told me I should do comedy at a local bar. I hope he reads this and regrets ever even thinking it, let alone saying it.

This, although not a certified trip to Hawaii, is a decent liquid representation of what I assume Hawaii is. It's not too bad. It's not as great as Hawaii probably is, though. It's not super pineapple and it's really not "really orange." Together it's an acceptable blend of the two but nothing that should ever be considered an award winning drink. It is pulpless, gutless, and nothing to write home about. Once again, nothing like Hawaii. Just go to Hawaii and eat both of these fruits. It will be better.

If there is one trend that I have come across through my years behind the desk at Thirsty Dudes it's that the denizens of countries south of the United States love both overly sweet and also spicy sodas. Apparently it's all kola champagne, manzana and ginger beer down there. The first of those I can't stomach; it feels like me teeth are rotting with every sip. The second I like alright. The last I absolutely love. Bad good great, in that order.

From the color of this I really expected it to be the dreaded uber-sweet kola champagne. Millions of people on this planet absolutely love that soda, and I simply do not get it. Overly sugared liquid bubblegum is simply not for me. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that this did not taste like the spit of someone who is chewing an entire pack of Big League Chew. Instead, it has a nice fruity berry flavor. The internet tells me that it's supposed to be strawberry, but it doesn't taste like a strawberry pop I've ever had before. You know it doesn't taste like those little candies whose wrappers resemble the fruit. It really just has a general berry taste that leans a bit towards strawberries.

A great thing about this is that it came in a reusable bottle. You know like pop used to come in, before everything became so disposable, even though it's supposed to be recycled. For those not in the know, you used to return bottles to the store and instead of them being melted down for reuse they were simply cleaned and refilled. This is how the pop of my childhood was served, and I'm not going to lie, I miss it.

I admit I am enjoying this far more than I expected to. I had anticipated taking a sip or two and then pawning it off on a stranger on the street, but so far I've made it halfway through, and I think I may keep going. You know, like a champ.

We've all heard of block clubs. Neighbors get together to discuss ways to prevent crime, improve their neighborhood and throw the annual block party. I must warn you that if you live in a neighborhood that has a block club, and you choose not to participate, you will become an outcast and will be referred to as “the squatters.” Okay to be fair we really were squatting. Our landlord who lived upstairs just disappeared and stopped cashing our checks, so we stopped leaving them. We lived rent-free for about two years before his less than dramatic return. The house needed a paint job, and a new roof, but we took better care of it than if it was left to rot. The grass was cut. We picked up the garbage and were respectful of the neighbors. I wish they had treated us with the same respect. Oh well.

So yeah…€¦block clubs. Did you know that just outside Detroit there's a little town with such a low population that instead of a block club, they have a town club? They serve the same basic purpose as it's smaller counterpart, except on a larger scale. It's a paradise in the middle of a burnt out city. It's actually quite nice an pleasant if you're into the Mayberry scene. In addition to neighborhood watches, cleanups and parties they also run a small soda company called, well…€¦Towne Club. It's the extra “E” that keeps them classy. They produce a line of completely middle of the road sodas, but that's just fine. Someone has to do it, and they do it with love, so there's that.

They decided it was time to add a cherry soda to their line, and why not give it a little taste of home and call it Michigan cherry? I mean their production runs weren't huge, and it was rare that anyone outside of the “mitten state” would get their hands on one of these, but incase they did they wanted them to know where it came from. The 3% juice that it was comprised of did come from their back yards. Why not flaunt it? That little bit of juice really goes a long way in the soda game. This stands out in the cherry soda game. It has a slightly unique flavor that does not taste like couch syrup. Bravo for that Towne Club. Now work on fixing all the potholes in your state.

Brisk has expanded their list of beverages with their new Half & Half line. We've talked a lot of trash about this company throughout the years, yet they took the high road and sent us some samples of the new flavors. I didn't know they had it in them, but that was a classy move.

When I first saw this, my initial thought was, “Of course it's Brisk, so there is a ridiculous amount of it.” 24oz of their products seemed like more than any human should really ingest. This though, this was something different. For starters in order to cut down the amount of sugar in the drink they mixed high fructose corn syrup and sucralose. The result was only 13g of sugar per serving (39 per tall boy). It sounds like an absolute disaster, but somehow they have made it work. It's not very syrupy and yet it doesn't taste diet at all. Actually it doesn't have that harsh Brisk flavor at all. I was pleasantly surprised that I actually enjoyed this.

This tastes like 3 parts mango and passionfruit green tea and one part lemonade. Actually the ratios might be even more skewed as I hardly taste the lemonade. It tastes like a version of bubble tea (minus the tapioca) that would be available in a gas station. It's not mind blowing, but it has its merits and is much better than I anticipated. I would happily drink this again, I just wish it came in a smaller container, as I have no self control when it comes to beverages and I drink until it's gone. Good thing I don't partake in alcohol, or my life would be a mess.

There's nothing like drinking something and having no words to describe it other than an action. If that action was something like an overly dramatic slumping in your chair that would mean that it was a good drink. If you took a sip and gagged or spit it back out, that would be a bad drink. So what was this? Well this one was the most insulting of all.

The packaging on this was great. It's a can with a built in flip-top. Finally. I'm sure it's a little more expensive but a smart decision. No longer do I have to dump half full cans of drinks or drink flat pop. That or have to spend hard earned money on after market bottle toppers. We're not all made of money, people.

So what instinctive emotion and action did this evoke? A shrug. An effortless, emotionless shrug. Why? It's just mineral water. Just. Just mineral water. Tasteless, flavorless, so on and so forth. Do you like mineral water? Cool. I found one for you.

Initially this drink is pretty bitter. The coffee bean really takes control of the ship first and you don't know if you're going to like it. You promptly change your mind because the ship's captain relinquished his white-knuckle grip on the helm and handed it over to two adorable girls on board. The drink lighted up a bit and starts to taste like what you bought it for, orange and cranberry. Sixty, forty split, but who's counting. You don't get any of the sucralose taste either which is nice and the energy portion of the drink, unlike the tumultuous waves of the sea, isn't overwhelming and won't give you any jitters like an actual "energy drink" would.

Once girls have their fun, the captain gives the girls a smile that says, "Alright girls, move along." The ship makes it to it's destination and no one knows that for a brief second, their lives were in the hands of two little girls with no previous sailing experience outside of "fun in the tub". The captain knew and what the captain knows that no one else knows will go to his grave.

Marco was a child who could stand to lose a few pounds. His life was spent watching television and playing video games. In fact the only times he left the house were when his mom forced him to go to school and on Fridays aka allowance day, when he would take his weekly pay for nothing and head to the corner store to stock up on candy. It was the happiest day of the week for Marco. Not only was he free from school for two days but also his sugar intake would soar.

There was no doubt about it; Marco was a Wonka man. Nearly all of his money went to buy that company's confectionaries. This past allowance day, Marco waddled down to the corner store and was decided what candies to buy this week when a display caught his eye. Spree sparkling water? Could it be that Mr Wonka had expanded his line and made a liquid version of one of Marco's favorite treats? He quickly grabbed a pile of Nerds, Laffy Taffy and Runts before he grabbed a bottle of Lemon Strawberry Spree. He was so excited that he dropped his change all over the counter. After the monetary exchange was complete he ran out side, sat on the curb and twisted open the cap. This…€¦was…€¦not…€¦what…€¦he…€¦expected…€¦at…€¦all. The contents of the bottle did not taste like liquefied candy at all. It was nice and bubbly, but it had a weird taste, that was almost diet but not like the diet pop his mom chugged all the time.

He was a bit disappointed, but since he had limited income he didn't want to waste his purchase, so he kept sipping on it during his walk home. Somewhere around the 3rd or 4th sip he realized that he didn't mind the diet taste, which he learned was called stevia. Actually he was kind of getting into the drink. Sure it wasn't candy-like, but it was sweet in it's own way, and not as thick as the sodas he was used to drinking. The dietness of it ran most of the flavor, but underneath that was a bit of a strawberry lemonade flavoring.

By the time he got home the bottle was empty, and Marco didn't feel cheated by his purchase. This was something he enjoyed that he could get his mom to buy because he could convince her it was healthy. Now if he could just convince her that his MMO games were good for him as well, and that school was evil, all would be right in the world.

"If Benjamin were an ice cream flavor, he'd be pralines and..." well, you know the rest. Famous line. Famous actor. Famous movie. I would like to get the cast of Wayne's World to sit down with me in this cramped office and share in the splendor that is this praline cream soda. I was leery to drink this because I just had actual praline that isn't just a fixun in ice cream for the first time and it was a little too much. This tastes exactly like it, which actually is more impressive. It's too sweet for me to drink the whole thing but that doesn't lose it any points. It's wonderful. I feel like it's doing less damage to my teeth because I can gulp it down and not have to chew it like I would actual praline. The sweetness from the praline combined with the cream soda makes this a "must have" for cream soda fans. There are serious Southern roots inside of this bottle. They should be proud of this.

Swamp Pop. Party time. Excellent.

What better way to wash down fantastically delicious jerk chicken than with a spicy pop? Oh, none? That's what I thought. Jay and I went to local restaurant filled with hospitality and fantastic food, Dr. Bird's "Rastaraunt" and ordered food. They always have a good selection of things like Grace and DG but last time we went, they were all out of new things. It's fine. We don't expect everywhere to cater to us. Yesterday, though, they had this little number and we both "Oooo'd" at it.

We sit down. We eat. We drink. This is a very good drink and that is surprising because most pineapple pops are just too sweet. This was sweet but it tasted like the juice from a can of, you guessed it, pineapples. The ginger, while not as prevalent as in a ginger beer, still had a sharp little bit that accompanied the pineapple well. It did justice to the jerk chicken in a way that ice cream goes well after every meal or there is always room for Jell-O.

When talking about wine people always mention how it's good for you, and it's recommended that you drink a glass a day. They forget to mention that wine smells like rotting corpses and from what I remember doesn't horrible on top of it. It has been discovered that the thing that gives wine it's anti-cancer and anti-aging properties is something called Resveratrol. Luckily for all of us with a sense of smell, taste and an alcohol free lifestyle the very same compound can be derived from grape seed extract.

Youthy Forever has taken Resveratrol and some actual grape seed extract and mixed it in with a whole mess of other fruits to create a juice that is as tasty as it is good for you. When you mix pineapple, pear, passion fruit and prickly pear you know you are in for a good time, especially since the ingredients added for health don't have a weird chemical or gross taste to them. This just tastes like juice, as it should. There is no added sugar either. Sure, there is 32g of sugar in each bottle, but it's natural sugar from the fruit they use and not refined or artificial garbage.

Ponce de Leon spent his life search Florida and whereabouts for the fountain of youth (what else is a conquistador to do?). He obviously wasted his time and energy in that hot sweaty soon-to-be state when all he needed to do was wait 300-400 years for this company to see the light of day. They have cracked the code, and it is delicious. No more bones made of dust for anyone willing to shell out the couple of bucks for a bottle!

You know what, Joe? I have been taking care of your Bronco for years now and I think that it's time to get a new car. You've had a good run with her, man. It's good almost 200,000 miles on it and she's been pretty good to you. Sure, we've replaced everything but in the twenty plus years you've owned it, you have come out on top. This last inspection needs all new struts, the undercarriage is pretty well rusted, and there are holes that would cost a lot to patch up in order to pass inspection. What will it cost? Well, about seven grand and that's because I like you. Any other guy would cost about ten thousand. You want to sit and think about it? Alright, hey, I'll make you a cup of tea.

Here you go, Joe. It's this new stuff my wife bought for the shop. It's green tea tropical. Sure, not something you would typically find in a garage but sometimes you have to have the finer things in life. Yeah, I have had it. It smells great and tastes like a nice bitter green tea with notes of fruit. I think they said that there was guava and pineapple in the mix, which you can smell more than you can taste. The green tea is a really nice, authentic taste. I found the tea calming and thought that it's what you might want in this troubling time.

Joe, this is a tough decision to make and whatever you want to do, I'll do it. We are booking up fast though so you kind of have to make a decision soon. You want to scrap it? Alright? That's fine. You know what? You might make some money on the deal. Some of it can be salvages so instead of leaving seven thousand dollars lighter, I can actually give you five hundred dollars for the price of the car. If I get any more for the trade, I'll send it over. Let me know what you get. I can't wait to work on it for the next twenty years. You're a great guy, Joe. Sorry for your loss. Don't forget to take your Yosemite Sam mud flaps.

Vemma is back with yet another mangosteen based beverage. This time it's a shot for those who are always on the go, and have limited time for nutrition. First off, reevaluate your life people. I know some of the people who don't have time are sincerely working constantly to put food on the table for their families, and I commend them for their efforts. Let's be honest here though, this drink is not for those people. Those people aren't going to throw down their hard earned money for a supplement shot. It seems to me that this drink is marketed towards business folks who are constantly working and deals and such, not those doing nitty gritty manual labor. It's these people who have the option to eat healthy, but instead decide to continue working. If that's what you love in life, who am I to argue, but I personally like to enjoy the life I live and not spend so much time on work that I don't have time to eat a healthy meal. Now, I'm not faulting Vemma for this; these people would exist whether their product was around or not, so why not help them live healthier with their choices?

This is a 2oz shot that is jam packed with vitamins and minerals to help you get through your day in a healthy manner. It's no secret that shots generally taste completely wretched. This though, this has got something going for it. It tastes like mangosteen juice that has had a multivitamin dissolved into it. It's downright pleasant. It's what I would imagine a teenage version of a Flintstone's vitamin would taste like. You know for people who aren't; ready to take on straight up vitamins, but the regular Flintstone ones just seem too juvenile. This is so good in fact that I have been slowly sipping it, instead of slamming it like you normally would a shot. It's nice to have a beverage that is this healthy and tastes this good.