Sports/Dietary Supplement - 535 Reviews

It's been a rough day at the gym and you are beat. You spent an hour just juicing your pecs and then went to a three hour spin class. You didn't even know what spin class was, it was just on the activities board and you had time. You're still not sure why it was three hours long, but your muscles are screaming and you can barely move. Lucky for you there is a small concessions stand in your gym. They sell a lot of juice and smoothies, but the thought of drinking something with such substance is enough to make you want to vom. You need something that is cold and refreshing. The employee working the stand suggests you try a Phenom coconut water. “Oh no” you tell him and then you proceed to tell him how you had coconut. The man assures you that it is nothing like coconut in a cookie or dessert, it is it's own thing. Who are you to argue with a professional? You choose the orange guava passion flavored one because you are no fool and anything with guava or passionfruit is always going to be the option you pick, put the two of them together and you have a no-brainer on your hands. You take off the cap and gulp down half the bottle (who could blame you after three hours on that damn bike?). The employee was right, this doesn't taste anything like the garbage coconut your aunt puts on everything she calls dessert. Actually, you quite enjoy this and you actually feel yourself getting re-hydrated. Unfortunately neither the guava or passionfruit are very upfront but the collective tropical flavor of the three fruits (which really doesn't taste like any of them individually) is quite tasty. Before you know it the carton is empty and you go to buy another one. The employee suggests you stop being such a glutton and drink some water instead. Isn't the whole reason you're in the gym to get in shape and stop being a slob? You tip your non-existing hat, which makes you look like a moron and head to the locker room a person forever changed.

I feel sort of stupid reviewing these drinks, because they are essentially just water. Sure each one has a little something added for a benefit, but you can't taste it at all. Well, maybe you could taste it if you had insanely powerful taste buds, but I assure you I only have an unnaturally strong sense of smell.

What we have in this instance is a bottle of vapor distilled water with magnesium added to it. One would think that this is some kind of energy water since it's called “Power,” but the name is just because magnesium helps to build strong bones and muscles. The bottle says that it's a nice change of pace from eating spinach. I say they are wrong. Spinach is delicious and I eat it all the darn time. I also drink a cubic butt load of water a day, so I guess it's for those of us who don't get enough of either, but yep…€¦it still tastes like water.

Everyone knows that carrots help with your eyesight. If you eat enough carrots you can read books in a pitch-black setting, it's a simple fact. What many people don't know that rabbits are the key to even better vision. They consume an insane amount of carrots, and then something happens with their metabolism that creates an enzyme that can cure the blind. The only problem is that the enzyme resides in the rabbit's ears, so they must be removed for the sake of science and in the name of better eye care. Okay, if you believe that, you my “friend” are a moron. In fact, according to the internet, just eating carrots doesn't even help your eye site, you must also do eye exercises. Say goodbye to everything you knew about healthy eating.

I have a tendency not to look at ingredient lists, or descriptive writing on drink bottles until after I drink them. The reason being that I don't want it to affect my review. I want to go in blind. With that in mind I expected this to be mainly carrot juice with mango and blackcurrant juice added. I knew there would be other stuff in there too, but that is what I expected the base to be. With carrots on my mind I took a swig and was pleasantly surprised to find out that it didn't taste like carrots at all. In reality it tastes like a mango orange juice with just a hint of currants. After I contemplated the sip I checked out the ingredients and I was correct, there's not a drop of carrot juice is present. It is all white grape, pear, orange, mango and blackcurrant juice with a whole mess of other “eye” ingredients. It tastes pretty great as a juice. I would never expect that it had such ocular benefits from the flavor. I would have just taken it as a juice.

This is one of those rare occasions that I should have read the ingredients before I drank it. You see this drink contains fish oil, a no-no for a vegetarian such as myself. If you have similar dietary restrictions I would stay away, but if not try it out and give your eyes some love.

Ps. The companies name on the packaging looks like a nose and two eyes. I hope that was intentional.

Somewhere in a dark dungeon of a laboratory a scientist, possibly a mad one, is wringing his hands together in celebration of his victory. In the light of one of those things that is just two poles that shoot electric waves between them he is one happy little monkey. What are those things called anyway, and why does every evil scientist have them in their lab? Are they a way of turning evil into electricity? These are questions the public has, and which we demand answers! Back to our scientist: He is so pleased with himself because he has created an unholy abomination of water and antioxidants, and to top that he has added flavor to it. Somewhere deep in the pages of the bible god proclaimed that man would not mix water with those who fought against the mighty oxidants, but that did not stop our evil friend. He will certainly go to hell for these acts, but he has created water that will fight free radicals that tastes like a nice peach-mango combination, and that is certainly worth eternal damnation. Even if he does have to “face his maker” his plan is to claim that in reality it is no longer water because it's so sweetened and flavored, albeit lightly. You see he simply made an antioxidant ridden drink. That would fool god right?

Woke up feeling 100%. Fed that kid I know, changed him, felt nauseous, half an hour later until now at almost three in the afternoon. Just spinning. I got enough sleep but feel like I could sleep for another five hours. Since I won't do that, I had to come up with another option. That option? Gatorade. I needed those harvested electrolytes wrangled up and put inside of my frail, crumbling frame.

Lucky for me, this wasn't some experimental flavor, but a simple, classic flavor. It tastes nothing like actual, real, physical grapes, but tastes like "faux" grapes, a taste I am more than familiar with. Look, grape pop plays a limited role in my mouth, but grape other things are more than welcome to play volleyball with my "hangy ball" any time they would like. This is an open invitation to most things grape. This was good and more importantly, safe. I will see how it works in my favor after the electrolytes, which plants do in fact crave, fight the dizzies in my head to regulate me back to where they should be. I will fully allow the fight to continue. It's a "greater good" scenario.

Tyler loved basketball. Basketball was his favorite sport. He liked the way the players dribbled up and down the court. He saw them just sweating on the court, everyone wearing shorts, light jerseys, and still needing sweatbands. Sweat everywhere. They were drinking so it's not like they were dehydrated or dehydrating. Maybe they needed something better, something with flavor, something with vitamins, something with minerals, something fun, something low in calories. He searched high and low in markets and stores and found the perfect drink. Karma Wellness Water, namely the pineapple coconut flavor.

He bought a case of the stuff and went to Madison Square Gardens where the Knicks were playing the Chicago Bulls. He saw that Spike Lee was outside and was going in. He talked to him for a couple minutes and convinced him to let him sit next to him right next to the bench so he could give players the drinks. Throughout the game, players would be benched and Tyler would hand the players drinks. He loved to watch the players poke the flavor into the drink and smile. Every time without fail they would do that. Sometimes they would look back and give Tyler a thumbs up. That made his day. When the game was over he shook Spike Lee's hand and thanked him. He was walking out and someone called his name. He turned around and it was Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippin! He didn't know what to think. He didn't know what to do. They told him that they liked the drinks. They liked that it was tropical and they could taste both he coconut and pineapple. It wasn't too sweet and was very refreshing. Then Michael Jordan reached in his pocket and handed him a season pass to Knicks games. He thought it was strange but it's more important that he liked basketball than the Bulls. He lived in New York. What was he going to do with a season pass to Chicago living in New York. He thanked Scottie and Michael and walked away after having the best night of his life. All thanks to Karma.

Sprite and 7-Up. That's what we think when we hear "lemon lime". To drink something lemon lime that isn't carbonated is just kind of strange. It's not the non-pop company's fault; they were just there first and more prominently. Now the new jacks have to make up for lost time. Fresh Healthy Stuff helps themselves to the cake by making a cool, interactive cap that snaps on any bottled water. Surprisingly, it doesn't spill when you shake it. I am notorious for using too much water, having to take the cap off to compensate, and then spilling some water, but that's because I'm a dumb dummy.

One thing I will say is that it is so hard to get the cap to push the mix in the drink. First one I didn't have a terrible time. My girlfriend couldn't do it. The one that I had last night though, brother. No way. I was pushing so hard and couldn't get it. I eventually had to put the cap on and slam the cap against the bottom of my cabinet to get it to go. It did, it mixed and I drank it.

Flavor hour? It's good. It's a bit...vitaminy, but it's not terrible. The orange was better. It was an expectant flavor but was a bit...tingy. Is that a word? It's underlined red which means that it isn't but you know what? It, like Yiddish, translates.

Sometimes you have a restless night where you repeatedly fall in and out of sleep. Sometimes at 5am you think to yourself “enough is enough.” You then get up and down a “relaxation drink.” After you lay back down you shortly reenter the world of slumber. You dream that you're in an airport and your flight was canceled and no one will give you a direct answer as to when you will be boarding a plane, as if it was your fault your flight was cancelled. Eventually you wake up feeling refreshed, thinking to yourself “well that drink really worked.” It's not until you grab the “shot” bottle that you realize that it wasn't a relaxation drink at all, but rather an alcohol recovery & rehydration shot. Sometimes you feel like a complete moron and question everything that you once thought was real. Do relaxation drinks really work? Is Bill Murray really that funny? Are hot dog stuffed crusts on pizza really the single greatest idea of our generation? Don't worry the answer to all of those questions is most definitely yes. You were just tired and half asleep. Sure it was psychosomatic that it worked and you fell back asleep, but it probably would have happened anyways if you had just waited a little longer. The end times are not here, you can rest well.

So yes, this is in fact not a relaxation drink, but I will say that I woke up feeling refreshed, so it works to some extent in its proper function. If you got completely, sloppy wasted I'm not sure it would be much help, but for a couple of drinks I'm sure it would help you not feel like dog doo doo in the morning. Unfortunately, the flavor is not the greatest. It tastes like someone boiled down some lemon lime Gatorade down to a concentrate and pouring it into this little bottle. It's far too strong and it tastes wrong, but it's a shot and that is how most of them taste. Oh well.

The world of vitamin waters is pretty murky. While there are some really good ones, there are also a lot of bad knock offs. Whole Foods usually knows what's what when it comes to drinks so I figured this one would be a safe bet. What surprised me though was how tart is. Most "lemonade flavored" drinks aren't tart at all. They throw a little lemon flavor in there but don't make your lips pucker at all. This is the closest lemonade flavor vitamin water I've ever had, and I love it. It's a delicious light, flavorful, and thirst quenching lemonade.

Sometimes we get to a point where we have just reviewed far too many flavors of the same product line. What's left to say? That you're stuck in a desert and your hallucinating from the heat and lack of fluids, so you follow a lizard, and the lizard talks to you and tells you the secrets of the universe, and informs you specifically what the secret behind pi is. Finally he reaches into his stomach and pulls out a bottle of mango melon flavored Lifewater. The bottle is dripping with viscera and such, but as I said you've been wandering this godforsaken desert for what feels like 40 days and nights and you're wondering how the Jews did it in the bible, so you open the bottle and even though lizard guts are touching your lips you chug that bottle of refreshment. It tastes like someone dissolved a mango and melon flavored powder in a bottle of water and didn't quite shake it up well enough. It also tastes very diet, but in the erythritol way and not the sucralose way, you know the way that is tolerable. As soon as you swallow that last drop that tastes somehow grainy even though it doesn't in texture, you turn to look at the lizard, but you realize that you're not in the desert at all. You are actually in the middle of math class and you've drooled all over your protractor. There is an empty bottle on the floor next to your desk and you have a vague recollection of buying it from the pop machine in the cafeteria. For some reason there is still lizard guts on your lips. Is that what's left to say? If so, strange times indeed.

Why on Earth do all of these drinks taste like they have some sort of artificial sugar in them when they are actually sweetened with inverted cane sugar? I think they might actual be decent vitamin based water drinks, but nope something just tastes wrong in all three flavors I've reviewed. As I've said in the past it may just be that they don't do a very good job of disguising the taste of the ridiculous vitamins and minerals and dirt and stones that are in the drink. I can tell you that I taste approximately zero apple and very minimal cranberry in here. It has a general quasi fruit flavor that seems like it will be good for you because of the off flavor. I wouldn't purchase this again. I also wouldn't advise that you do either with so many other companies doing a similar thing that taste much better.

Jay isn't the only rock star in Thirsty Dudes. It's true. At one time, I used to play bass for a math, indie rock band. It was awesome and I had a lot of fun the entire time we were a band. We were all great friends and loved practicing. The drummer and I, making up the rhythm section were called "The Rhythm Section" and the singer and two guitar players were known as "The Turds," for no reason. It just came to be and that's how it always was. There was no rivalry or anything, it was just a name and it stuck.

This drink is called "Rhythm" and I like it. There is no food called "rhythm" but there is a starfruit and citrus flavored fruits, which make up this drink. I've got to say, it's pretty spot on. I've only had a starfruit once or twice in my life, but I've had enough "citric" fruits to be able to pick them out of a lineup. Those two mixed with the erythritol is a nice, cool, citric sweet treat that I somehow just destroyed a bottle in like ten minutes of casual drinking. I normally don't drink that fast so I'm either dehydrated or it's that good. I'll give those boys over at Vitamin Water the benefit of the doubt and call it a great drink.

Attention! Alright you maggots, welcome to basic training. I will be your drill sergeant, Perry Como. The first one of you to make fun of my name or to refer to the singer who I happen to share a name with gets to clean the toilets for the next week with their toothbrush, and THEN brush their teeth with it. I'm here to whip you little sissy girls into shape. I will make you the men that you ought to be to defend our beloved country. Yes I know that is sexist, but guess what I'm a drill sergeant. I am supposed to be offensive and unpleasant. Haven't you ever seen a movie before?

As may of you may know Vitamin Water sponsors the United States Army. As each group of new recruits shows up at the base so does a pallet of one flavor of Vitamin Water. After getting a look at you children, it only seems fitting that you would be given such a froo froo drink as this blend of apples and watermelon. Oh and look these apples are from Fuji, well ooh la la aren't we fancy? You will not be given refreshments until you have completed each phase of your training. That being said you're first bit of training is that you will be running 20 miles out in a torrential downpour. Since it is not raining we have a machine that will simulate the storm. It will move with you around the track, dumping rain and wind on your heads like the king of Hades himself. As you run I will sit comfortably on a platform just outside of the storms range enjoying one of these girly drinks. Let me get prepared and open one up now, so you can watch the enjoyment on my face as to give you motivation. I will now take a sip and describe the flavor to you, so you can begin salivating like the dogs you are. Ahhhh. This really does taste exactly like some scientist somewhere found out a way to juice candy apples. It has the specific apple flavor that can only be given by a Fuji apple, but it also has the candy taste of the sugar coating. There is a slight watermelon flavor in it, but really it's mostly candy apple that I taste. It's wonderful to have that flavor without the mess that normally accompanies it. Also there is a whole mess of caffeine in here. It would make more sense for you to drink this before you run, but we're the army and we're cruel, so afterwards you're bodies will be exhausted, but your minds will be alert! Now get under that storm machine and start running!

Dear old friend. I've missed you. You've grown up a lot since I've last seen you. Dare I say you've become a man while we've been apart? I might just say that. You have made new friends, I see. I don't blame you. I wouldn't have expected you to wait around for me after all these years. You've also lost a ton of weight. Good for you on that venture. You weren't fat before, but you had some extra chunk and bad skin.

So what have you been doing with yourself? You joined a gym and started eating better? That's awesome. Oh, you've replaced your regular sugar with Stevia? Good for you. Forward thinking. I wasn't introduced to your friend. Hello, my name is Mike. Oh, Acai? Interesting name. Is that Scandinavian? You don't know? Well, nice to meet you all the same. What else besides the gym, dude? It's been so long. Oh, you taste the same? Normally that would not be a big deal except that you have met your new friend Acai here and are using Erythritol and you kept your priorities in check. Everyone always loved you. Now you're even better!

Well here's my number. Don't let this happen again, Fruit Punch.

It's hot, I mean unnaturally hot for this time of year, and you've been cruising around like a jackass on your longboard all afternoon. Earlier you got a double iced ristretto venti nonfat organic chocolate brownie Frappuccino from the Starbucks on campus but for some reason something with such a stupid name just didn't refresh you like you wanted it to. You really need something to cool you down, but you blew the last of your money on the sweetest visor you have ever seen at the local “skate shop.” Well at one point in the past it was a skate shop, but now it's really just a stupid clothing boutique, but they still have a couple killer longboards in the window. You were just about resigned to give up on your day and head home and drink whatever beer you could find stashed in other kids dorm rooms, when you decided to take a shortcut behind the mini mart that sells beer to underage kids. As you were holding your breath to ride passed the dumpster that smells like it contains the corpses of at least eleven different types of mammals, you noticed a case of drinks sitting by the back door. The turd who worked the counter made fun of you last week for buying Zima and Skittles so screw him you're just going to steal a couple of bottles. You grabbed a handful of the drinks and shoved them in every pocket that your cargo shorts had to offer. Then you reached down to grab one for the road. You really showed the proprietors of that store, stealing drinks they had out by the dumpster. That will show them to laugh at your alcoholic beverage choices. As you turned out of the alley onto the regular road you cracked open the bottle of Jones 24c Strawberry Lemonade. It looked like it was your lucky day, nothing beats the heat that a nice bottle of lemonade. You gulped a huge mouthful and promptly fell flat on your face. It could have been the pebble that stopped the wheel of your longboard, or it could have been the distinct feeling that something was not quite right with the lemonade. Actually you instantly decided that whoever decided to call it lemonade should be fired. Not only did it not contain a single drop of lemon juice, but it also didn't taste like they even tried to fake it. Now that you think about it, it didn't even really taste like strawberries either. It just tasted like a generic fruit flavored fake Vitamin Water. Something was also very off with the taste. Originally you thought that it might have been the sweetener, but after realizing that it was made with cane sugar, you decided it was either the vitamins that had been added, or the drink had simply gone bad. All of these thoughts swam through your head as you stared down at your new visor that was now swimming in a mud puddle. Suddenly a moment of pure enlightenment washed over you. Whether it was spoiled or this was just the way it tasted this drink had been where it belonged out by the dumpster. Also, you are a complete douche bag and “longboard is the wrong board” bro.

Dude, dude, dude. Hey, I've got some stuff you might like. You like drum and bass, right? I just got this awesome John B "Catalyst" record and remixes from the UK. Yeah, John B. What do you mean you've never heard of him? Crazy hair, wrote that song about Myspace. Yeah, that dude. Do you listen to any other electronic stuff? No, not the band Electronic with Bernard Sumner and Johnny Marr, although I won't fault you for liking that. The Prodigy? Really? Still? Well I can't say I've listened to anything after Fat Of The Land but you've got a good taste in music so I'll trust you on that one.

Hey, speaking of electro, give this a whirl. No, it's not drugs. What, do you think that because I've got a backpack full of electronic records it's got to be drugs? Well friend, you are wrong. No, it's this drink that's actually for kids but it's not too bad. It's got a bitter vitamin taste, but the flavor is like an explosive burst in your mouth with every sip. It's grape flavored and it smells like grape but to taste it is just a tremendously strong flavor that I can't really put my finger on. It's called "Electro" which I thought was cool. I bring these to raves so that I can stay up. Yeah, some kids are probably on drugs but I drink this juice. It's all-natural so it couldn't be further than drugs. You should come with me some time. Well have fun listening to those records. I'll talk to you later.

Medicine is no laughing matter. If you are sick, I suppose that you can laugh when you are stricken with illness and you can laugh that you have antibiotics and your disease will soon be no more. Anyhow, this whole medicine cabinet candy store scenario has gone on too long. People raiding their mommy and daddy's medicine cabinets and taking prescription pills is not a good life. You know that is no way to live your life, right? You know that the pills you took that were in an Oxycodone are actually just laxatives right and now you're going to have the toots. Medicine is not a joke and should not be taken unless prescribed to you via a doctor. Cool? Done.

If you feel the need to take vitamins, those you can almost go crazy with. Vitamins will make it so you don't need medicine if you do it well. Want to have fun taking vitamins? Try some of these Karma waters. The other ones are more juice than medicine. This one is more medicine and serious than the other ones, I've got to say. This was thicker, more opaque, tasted exactly like mango and orange would taste if mixed with vitamins for kids, and probably did the trick.

So seriously, stop it with all the pain medication abuse. Just quit your job at the plant. That will improve your life. Get a job doing something you like. If you can't do it, go back to school and go for it. We don't want anything to happen to you. If something happens to you via overdose on your grandma's old pain meds from her back surgery, it's on you, but I can't say I didn't tell you. Drink vitamins. Have a better life.

America has decided that they are simply too cool to take vitamins in pill form. There was a public hearing and it was decided that vitamin pills were just too 80's, and not in the “cool” we dress like complete morons way. They were fed up, and demanded something simpler, because as you may know they are a lazy bunch. The FDA suggested that if they did not want to take their vitamins they should simply start eating better. If you're getting everything you need from your food, supplements are completely unnecessary. America laughed in their face. They chuckled as they said there was no way in hell that they were going to give up their Big Macs, their pork rinds or their Double Downs. It was a sad day for America indeed. Then someone had a stroke of genius and decided to start putting vitamins into drinks. People could easily consume all of the vitamins they needed for the day in one convenient bottle. More importantly it was a drink for this decade, not the stupid past. Thus Vitamin Water and the like was born.

Not long after a million other companies started doing similar things. Some were great tasting others belonged in the filth can. Sadly Multi Vitamin Enhanced Water is closer to the latter. What we have here is a lemonade-flavored water. No it's not just lemonade, it's like watered down lemonade with a whole mess of vitamins thrown in the mix. The label boasts that there are “more vitamins in every bottle.” That is definitely true because you can taste them, and it's not a good scene. In other companies versions of these drinks the flavor of the drink masks the taste of the vitamins. When you drink this you may be confused and think that someone put poison in your supposedly refreshing beverage. This is like the end of Planet of the Apes, but in beverage form. We finally did it. We got rid of the need for pill vitamins, but now it's been replaced with gross tasting beverages.

Did you know that I am fluent in Spanish? I'm actually quite the scholar. Give me anything and I will translate it for you. That? Sure I can translate your drink for you. As a bonus I will also translate the flavor of the drink into words you can understand. El Dorado, well that is just Spanish for “The Dorito.” I don't know why anyone would want to drink something that tastes like liquefied tortilla chips with powder flavoring on them, but I guess it takes all kinds to make the world go …€˜round. I'm actually regretting saying that I would translate the flavor for you. This really sounds revolting. Black raspberry Doritos, that just makes me want to vom. A promise is a promise so here I go. Hmmm this doesn't taste like Doritos at all. It really just tastes like berry-flavored water. Did you know when I was a kid my grandparents had a farm and they grew three different types of raspberries? Yup, there were golden ones, your classic red ones and a couple of bushes of “black” ones (they were really dark purple/blue). I assumed they were just blackberries until the day I bought a container of black berries at the market. There was a definite difference. This surely tastes like the black raspberries my grandparents grew. It's a different taste than the raspberries you are probably used to. It almost tastes like regular raspberries mixed with a couple of cranberries (minus the bitterness). I actually really like this and it seems that I have drunk your entire bottle. My apologies. I still don't understand what this drink has to do with Doritos. Perhaps I should write the company a letter telling them it would be wise to change their name.

There is the possibility of two scenarios going today:
1. People eating so poorly that companies are doing their best job to just cram vitamins and minerals into everything we eat and drink. Electrolytes, antioxidants, vitamins C's and B's in everything all the time. If drink companies weren't putting these essential vitamins and minerals in there, would we be a nation of slothy, fat, malnourished people? More so, I mean.
2. Drink companies have been hired by the US Army to breed superhuman by chocking them full of stuff to make them so strong that bullet are repelled from their giant, naturally bullet-repellent skin.

Whatever happens, we're all inevitably better off, right? This isn't the whole "antibacterial" thing where in the end we're just breeding stronger bacteria. We all benefit. Vitamins is vitamins, right, son? Whatever. If all vitamins and/minerals tasted like this drink, we'd be a lot healthier. This is good. It's not too much at all and as a matter of fact I've easily killed this entire drink with no hesitation. Two and a half servings; yeah if I'm a baby. Good mix between peaches and mango, too. It has that 60% water and 40% flavor. Sure, it's listed as "organic flavor" and if you just don't care, just imagine it as organic peach and mango flavors. Imagination helps me through a lot of our drinks. This didn't need it, but it never hurts.