Sports/Dietary Supplement - 535 Reviews

Snotty people eat grapefruits. They sit there with their silver spoons and carve away at the softball sized fruit and add their low calorie sugar and have themselves a little treat. They do this before their polo matches and tennis lessons, and lobster dinners. They do it before their trips to Paris, trips to the Bentley showroom, and trips to the bank where they deposit millions of dollars bi-weekly. Rich people. They live such a difficult job. Well guess what fellow schmos? I've got a secret that the rich people don't know about.

Inside this bottle of Clearly Canadian is pink grapefruit. Sure, there are a lot of chemicals, too, but being poor, we can handle it. We weren't fed organic, free range, farm raised chickens or massaged, sake fed cows. We were fed McDonald's. A lot. We can take chemicals, dirt, pesticides, lead, or whatever you throw at us, as long as it doesn't require us to see a doctor because health care is expensive. This drink, as far as I know and remember from the limited times I have had an actual grapefruit, tastes a lot like grapefruit. The sugar, albeit artificial, actually enhances the flavor to a point where even I, a previous disliker of the fruit, really like this drink. It's light enough that you, like I, can drink an entire bottle, regardless of its statement of 2.5 servings.

General public and not those who drive cars that are worth more than houses hundreds of thousands of dollars more than our houses, this is the drink that levels the playing field. If they find out about this, they don't have anything anymore. They don't have anything except for their 152 foot yachts, columned houses, argyle cashmere golf club covers, gold Rolex President watches, cars with umbrellas in the doors, and a couple other things. We're catching up.

An open letter to the beverage world,

Folks, don't you think you've beaten it into the ground? Perhaps we should just let it die in peace. Peaches are great. Mangoes are wonderful. When you combine the two they make a nice couple. You know the kind that will date for a few years, eventually get married and go on to have a nice respectable family. Everyone likes to know a couple or two like that, but no one wants to be surrounded by nothing but couples like that. It leaves one feeling like something is wrong with them for not being a part of such a wonderful couple. Then the non peach-mango will get desperate and try to pair itself with anything to be like the happy couples. That just isn't good for anyone. Am I making any sense? Of course I'm not. My point in that it seems every drink company out these days has a peach mango option. It's been overdone and it's no longer exciting. It used to be one of my favorites, but I no longer look forward to reviewing drinks of this flavor. I know you folks have more in you, so be creative. Match up some other fruits. I bet a passionfruit/dragonfruit would make for a wonderful wedding.

Sincerely,
Jason & The Thirsty Dudes.

ps. This actually has a decent peach/mango flavor to it, but for some reason they decided to add sucralose along with the sugar and crystalline fructose in here and you catch hints of it. I have no idea why they added it, but one serving still contains 42g of sugar, so it obviously wasn't to keep the calories down. Also if I didn't know there was milk in this I don't know if I would realize it was there, except for a little extra creaminess. Knowing it's in there grosses me out a little. I'm going to guess that 95% of this drink is all water, sweetener and milk. Take a second to think about making that in your kitchen. You wouldn't want to drink it then, so why would they put it in here? I don't see what it's there for at all. Take it out and maybe this drink would have gotten 4 bottles. As it is Derek is off crying because a cow was raped to make this drink. Fuze, why did you have to go and make Neulando Calrissian cry?

Karma was a stripper who was fantastic at her job but in need of a career change. She was great, though. She could take off her clothes faster than anyone else. That's what makes a good stripper, right? Who can take their clothes off faster? Isn't stripping a race? That's a sidebar. Anyhow, Karma loved fitness and when she wasn't at work, shakin' it, she was at the gym or jogging or eating healthy. She was the model of fitness. She was also attractive enough to be a model. She noticed when she was at the gym that people were just drinking water and she thought that something could be done about it.

So she grabbed some chewable vitamins and drink mix, put them in a little pouch, and started selling them to people at the gym as a type of water enhancer. You would get the hydration you needed from the water, the vitamins that would help you with the workin' outs, and the flavor to make it all go down easier. Francis Frankson was a budding investor who also worked at the same gym saw what Karma had come up with and thought that with some light tweaking, this could be a hit product.

Cut to three months later and the company Karma was born. Francis set Karma up with a bottler and a spring water supplier and found a company that would sell them the powder mix at wholesale and the kicker is that they partnered with a bottlecap maker who designed a cap that would store the mix. People all around would write Karma letters telling her that the Balance drink was a good tasting drink that tastes more juicy than Flinstone vitamin. Success! Karma was an entrepreneur and could leave her job at Bouncin' Booties.

Let me start off by saying that I found this drink at Big Lots. Not only that, but it was also on clearance. Something on mark down at a discount store generally means that this product has been discontinued. After a quick check I see that it is listed in the "Retired Products” section on the Jones website. I wonder how old this is. There's no expiration date to be found on it. I don't blame them for discontinuing it. It's not very memorable. It's basically Jones' version of the Energy flavored Vitamin Water, except it doesn't taste as strong, or as good. There is no specific citrus flavor to it. It's just nondescript tropical citrus. It's a water drink, so I don't expect the flavor to be very strong, but the problem with this is unlike Vitamin Water you can taste the vitamin undertones in it. Vitamins don't exactly taste wonderful, so that's kind of a deal breaker. With so many other vitamin based drinks on the market these days this beverage falls short. Jones, I've tried a bunch of your products, and I have to say, stick with what you know…€¦soda pop.

When an attractive woman came up to Steve at the bar he was shocked. He was completely in disbelief when she asked him if he wanted to do a body shot. Steve knew where he stood in life. He was pretty frumpy and he suffered from a terrible case of halitosis. On top of that he had the personality of a dead moth. To sum it up he was no prize catch. This woman was completely beautiful though and here she was standing in front of him asking if he wanted to drink alcohol off of her body. Something strange was going on in the world. Perhaps Zuul had come to reign over the humans. You know the whole “human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!” bit. Steve didn't care this was a big moment for him and he wasn't going to turn it down. Apparently all of these thoughts took awhile to process in his mind because the woman was just staring at him strangely and asked if he wanted one or not. Steve snapped out of it and moved in closer and said of course so. His halitosis almost made her throw up. She gagged, reached into her bag and threw a tiny bottle at Steve and walked away. Confused, he looked down at the item she had tossed his way. Oh of course, that makes perfect sense. The woman was a representative of the My Body Shots company and she was going around handing out free samples like the “Red Bull girls” do. Steve felt like an idiot, so he sat back down on his stool and downed the shot. It was all natural, so at least he didn't have to worry about getting cancer. That was the only way he could see his life getting any worse. Somehow the shot still tasted a bit chemically. Steve guessed that when you concentrate so many vitamins and minerals it's not going to have a pleasant taste, no matter what you do. It was supposed to be mango passionfruit flavored, but he couldn't spot those specific flavors in the mix. It just had a general tropical/vitamin flavor to it. Since you're supposed to down in all in one gulp, it wasn't too bad. The variety he got was a rehydration shot, so at least it would help him avoid getting a hangover in the morning. Now only if it could cure his terrible breath.

Spinning. The room was spinning when I woke up today. I don't know what was going on. I put on a sock and fell on the bed. It's getting better but I have no idea what went on. I felt like a kid who just did that thing where you put your head on a baseball bat, spin around, and then have to accomplish a simple task. I thought to myself, maybe I'm dehydrated. I should take care of this when I get to work.

Cut to two hours later, AKA "now" and here I am, drinking a rehydration shot designed for kids playing little league baseball. I've drunk more age inappropriate things so this is hardly at the top of my list. I opened it and expected it to be weak but brother was I wrong. You know your face and taste buds after you suck on a lemon at some shady diner? Every sip I got that. Eyes almost watering, squinting, throat over-soured. There is lots going on in this little guy. There is an initial, terribly gross orange flavor that tastes like if you sat in a sauna with an orange, sweat on it, and then ate it. It lasts for five to ten seconds and then super-sour kicks in. Less than when sour Warheads existed, but more than you are expecting. Flavor isn't bad after the stinkfest.

I might be quenched but I feel like I had to go through a tiny, 2.5-ounce ordeal to get there. I have two more of these little punishers so here's to hoping that they are calmer than this.

On the molten surface of the sun there lives two lizards. They go by the names Mac and Gertrude, but names are meaningless in a story such as this. You see it is the strife between these two lizards that causes all of the planets in the solar system to revolve around the sun. There is a weird polar magnetism at work. For some unknown reason one of the lizards sweats mango, and the other melon. Gertrude (okay the names do make it easier) excretes the essence of melon and Mac wants so very badly to mix his mango with her. He's been chasing her around the surface of the sun for millennia, but he never seems to catch her. It's the chase that causes the magnetism. Scientists and astrologers have known it for centuries, but they thought it was just too weird for the general public to accept. A philosopher who is also a higher up at the Sobe corporation found out about the lizards and pondered it for some time. He then invented a drink to represent the struggle of the sun lizard. He made a melon heavy drink that had traces of mango in it's after taste. It was bold and sweet and everything wonderful. He used a mixture of cantaloupe and honeydew for his melon base and it turned out absolutely perfect. It actually tasted like a fruit punch that was very heavy on the melon. That mango just slipped in there at the end. Like Mac it is always chasing the melonous wonder of Gertrude, but it never quite catches up to over take the flavor. To represent their environment he made the drink bright orange like the fires of the sun. That philosopher should be made president of the company because he invented the finest flavor Sobe has ever produced and it was all due to a pair of lizards millions of miles away.

I didn't want to review this. I just wanted something to drink. I figured, hey, I've got like eight of these things, so I can casually drink it. Oh, no. I now don't know what I'm going to do with the other approximately seven packs because this is vile. I was not at all expecting what was going to happen when I drank it. No, it's not like I got hair on my palms or anything like that. It just made me make a face every time I drank it. I thought, "Hey, tropical. Rad." and now it's like a 60/40 vegetable/fruit combo kit that is 100% undesirable. It's like someone is feeding me a pineapple, except they bored out the core and crammed a giant carrot in it and are forcing me to eat this bastard food.

Roger Waters Knudsen, or whatever R.W. stands for, this is not for me. Is that why I found it at a Big Lots? Probably. Good luck getting rid of them. I hope your customers don't read this before they buy it. I don't want to knock anyone out of business, but this is just plain terrible. Wish me luck on the grape because I bought that, too. I'm a supporter with a strange taste in my mouth.

Carmen hates to take his vitamins so his mom decided to do it the dumbest way possible; make a game out of it. Some parents say something like "You don't get any dessert if you don't take your vitamins." You could do the old fashioned "Go to your room until you're ready to take your vitamins." or something along those lines. It doesn't need to be punishment, either. It could just be something kids have to do. "Look kid. Do you want brittle bones, weak joints, or jaundice? You don't have to know what it is, just take your vitamins. Medicine has come a long way since I was a kid. I'd kill for medicine that tastes like slightly chalky candy. My brothers and I used to throw up when my parents gave us medicine so you take your candy medicine and shut up." That's informative.

Carmen's mom though, she hides vitamins in things. She essentially drugs her kids. I know that sounds bad, but you can't really think about it any better way. This time, she puts vitamins in her kids Kool-Ade and gives it to them with a straight face. No second thoughts. Just “Here's your "juice" kids.” To make it even worse, the kids love it and when they ask for more, she has to string the lie out because she's not going to give the kids more vitamin/juice mix and if she just makes them juice, they're know that it tastes differently.

A lady from the CPS came to inspect the home life of adopted Carmen and they asked how she gave her kids medicine. Carmen's mom didn't hesitate for a second. After tasting it, she saw why she did it. It tasted good. It tastes like a fruit juice and vitamins but the flavor is so good that you don't care at all that it might or might not have vitamins in it. The lady from CPS left leaving Carmen's mom with a warning that eventually she will have to stop doing this because all kids have to take some vitamins.

I lasted through almost the entire winter without succumbing to sickness, and then this week it finally hit me. I felt like “cold diarrhea on a paper plate.” I drank obscene amounts of juice to an extent that my stomach was in pain. Yeah, I'm an idiot. I'm on the mend now, but still feeling a little bit on the terrible side. Lucky for me MBS sent us a nice package of their vitamin shots. I wish I would have had these when I first started feeling like doo-doo, but oh well any help is accepted by me.

I expected this to taste completely horrible as most things in shot form do, but the folks at My Body Shots supplied me with a pleasant surprise. It tastes like someone took a citrus-based fruit punch concentrate and only used 1/3 of the recommended water to dilute it. It also has a slight herbal flavor to it, but it's mostly juice coming through. Those iPod doctors on the label sure know how to make a vitamin concentrate taste decently. This is in fact chock full of ridiculous amounts of vitamins with some astragalus, eleutherococcus and panax ginseng extract mixed in to help boost immunity. From the amount of stuff in here one would stupidly believe that one of these shots would knock whatever sickness you have into your body into next winter, but the recommended use for when you start to feel sick is three bottles the first day, two the second and one the third. So apparently six shots is what is necessary to banish virus' from your system. At least the six shots will taste decent.

Honey, I think that I picked a poor career decision. Look, I love kids. They are adorable and having them as toddlers really allows me to instill good morals and watch them learn from nothing to something. That's all well and good except those little buggers are always sick. There isn't one day when at least one kid isn't sick.

I am fully aware of this and I do what I can to take care of myself. I wash my hands like a dozen times a day. I drink orange juice all the time. I eat apples in hopes that it truly keeps the doctor away. I even have tried and still occasionally try Airborne since it's from a teacher to a teacher.

I don't know what else to do. There has to be something else. I can't get sick. If I leave, then I have to call a substitute and that never goes well. These kids are less than one year old and they are downright evil to subs.

What's this? Immunity Support? I need that! I love that! Where did you find this? Oh, the store. Well, why did I even ask? I'll try it right here and now. Can you hand me that bottle, please? I can't wait to smash this cap and drop the mix in the water. I love interactive drinks. Dear, I'm liking this drink. It's nicely sweetened and tastes like orange and maybe cranberry but it's good. It doesn't really taste medicine-y and, if anything, might taste a little Flintstone vitamin-y. I love them, though so it's alright.

I can feel myself getting stronger. I can feel those little sneezes and snots just bouncing right off me. Thank you, honey. You are the best.

Welcome to gym class weaklings! You're in high school now and that means you're in the big leagues, and no we will not be chewing shredded bubble gum. If I even think one of you has a wad of chewing stuff in their mouth it's five laps of the track for all of you! As I was saying you're in the big leagues now and you're going to work like dogs. Say so long to the world of badminton and square dancing and say hello to the burnt hands of the rope climb and the slashed shins of floor hockey. For those of you wimps who have doctors notes to excuse you from my class, you will be sitting on the bleachers writing me a five-page paper each class on how you could only wish in your deepest dreams that you could ring the bell at the time of the rope. While you are doing this you will also be sipping from childish milk cartons filled with childish fruit punch. The rest of us will spend seven minutes at the beginning of each class laughing at you while we crush bottles of big boy drinks. That's right gentleman, at the beginning of every class it is mandatory for each of you to drink a bottle of Sobe Energy. We've got an assortment of flavors but the Power Fruit Punch is what I assume most of you will choose, since you are just little boys posing as grown men. It is full of aronia and grape juice according to the label. I always thought it was blueberries and cranberries from the picture, but what do I know about fruits, I'm no fruitologist. Actually now that I know I was wrong about the fruits contained with in the flavor makes more sense. It's has a grape flavor if grapes were from some tropical region. Does that make sense? It doesn't? Well it looks like you just bought yourself 50 pushups Mr. Smartypants. Whatever it tastes like, it's tasty and you should feel proud to be able to down it. It's got taurine, caffeine and guarana in it, so it will give you a nice energy boost for class, as well as the rest of the school day. I don't want to hear anything about sensitivity to caffeine or heart problems. You will drink it and you will like it. Now, BOMBARDMENT!

Oh the original line of Vitamin Water. How many bottles of you have I downed over the years? Dozens? Of course. Hundreds? Certainly. Thousands? Now that might be pushing it.

You see for years I had chronic stomach pain. I would wake up fine, but by the time I went to sleep at night I was in intense pain. I went to the doctor in 2001 to get it checked out and he gave me some pills. They worked a bit, but my insurance ran out and I didn't go back to see a doctor for over a decade. I learned to live with the pain. Then I went on tour in Europe and after a few days I noticed the pain was subsiding. By the time I headed back to the States it was gone. The first thing I did when I got home was to grab a slice of good pizza and drink a can of Arizona. That night my pain returned. I was extremely confused. It took me awhile before I discovered that most European companies don't use high fructose corn syrup. I decided to try cutting it out of my beverage diet. Again the pain went away. I had the secret to a stomach pain free life. Around that time Vitamin Water was one of the few companies readily available in gas stations that didn't use HFCS. I started drinking it constantly, to an extent that was probably unhealthy.

During this time Revive was one of my favorites. It's supposed to be fruit punch, but it doesn't exactly taste like it, maybe a little, but a very, very light version of it. I would narrow it down to more of a berry based fruit punch rather than a tropical one. If you haven't tried this before I'd be shocked. Now you know a stupid story abut me that doesn't affect your life at all. You also know very little about this drink. Here's a bit more. It's not overly sweet, but it's fairly flavorful. You know what? You can find this anywhere so just spend the dollar and try it yourself.

Sometimes life gets you down and you don't know what to do to make things right. It is the job of your best friend to recognize these times and do the only thing that could possibly save the day: take you to the dirt mall to see a fortuneteller. There is nothing that the dirt mall fortuneteller cannot see about your future. She will guide you onto the righteous path. When you settle down in her stall she will tell you to relax and to focus. She will have a Eastern European accent, so don't let your mind drift to dark places. Also, don't let it drink to this wonderful drink. I understand that it is easy to focus on Focus, but that's not why you're there. You're there to sort your life out. It is very fruity and refreshing though. It's hard to not slip into a train of thought that is filled with strawberries and just the slightest hint of kiwi. A train of thought that is smooth and light, not too syrupy like many thought trains are. It's like a dinning car fill with vitamins and minerals that are needed when you spend most of your meals in a food court. Sure it doesn't really taste the way strawberries do, but more like the way strawberry scented things smell. It's strange that it is still enjoyable, but it is.

Now what did she just say? Ahh yes that your birthday falls between the first and last of Oct-To-Ber.

A punch in the face: that's what I'm going to give you. You hit my brand new, 2001 Hyundai Accent and now I've got to get insurance involved...man. I just got out of the dealership. I know it's 2012, but it's new to me. Sure it's got 104,000 but that's just broken in. It's Korean and they make a quality product. So, to reiterate, I am going to make you black and blue.

No, you don't understand. I paid $800 for this car and sure it was a smoker's car and sure the transmission was a little wonky and sure it had a "Hatchet Man" vinyl graphic on the back hatch, but it was in great shape and the lady who sold it to me was so nice.

I'm sorry. Who did you say you were? You work for Sobe? Oh, your green tea is pretty sweet but a guilty pleasure of mine. Oh, that's right. You do make Lifewater. I've had some good ones of those. Black and Blue? No, I'm going to make you black and blue. Oh, you're going to give me a case of black and blue so that I don't punch your lights out. Alright, that's a fair trade. All this talking calmed me down anyway. Let's give it a go.

Well that's interesting. It's like blueberry when you sip it and when you swallow it tastes like a blackberry. That is real science there, Sobe man. There is a slight artificial sweetener taste, but it's just additional sweetness, not gross.

You know, this crash might have been the best thing that ever happened to me. Well, I do have a pretty great kid and wife, and I've accomplished a great deal. This was going to be a field car anyhow so I guess I didn't need it. Well, don't worry about anything. We'll let our insurance take care of it. Have a nice day, Sobe man. Next time, remember to stop at stop signs.

Yesterday's limeade is today's lemonade. To be different, you've got to go and sweeten with strange stuff, like agave, or that's what you like to let people think. See here's the thing. This is a strange drink that is full of lies. Agave is a natural sweetener. Going through the ingredients, you will notice that there is no agave in it. Oh, there's "natural flavor" but come on. What does that even mean. That's a copout. It would be like making a drink that is genuinely "all natural" and then for ingredients just putting down "natural flavors, natural sweeteners, natural preservatives" What a joke.

Lies aside, this is alright. It's lemonade and it tastes like lemonade but you miss out on a lot of the things that you love about lemonade. Pulp? I love pulp and it's gone. This lemonade would be like strained lemonade that's a little thicker. Not a bad thicker but noticeably thicker. There is yerba mate in there but it doesn't have the bitterness that comes with it. Don't really know why it's there.

There are a lot of questions that I don't care if they get answered or not. I don't care where the agave is. I don't care where the pulp is. I'm completely apathetic. I don't care. It's good enough. It's above honorable mention but below a medal. Right smack dab in the middle.

It's Groundhog Day. You've run into Ned Ryerson more times than you can even remember. The same goes for that ungrateful brat who keeps falling out of the tree. The perpetual winter has got you down, so very down. You've learned piano like a pro. You've creepily stalked the girl you like to find out every last detail about her, in order to finally win her over. You've done everything you could think of, but you're still in a rut. You blame the constant grey skies that plague your eternal life. To try to combat this you start taking vitamins and working out. It actually works. You start to feel better about yourself and life in general. You're beginning to have a more positive out look because you're no longer a lazy slob. It feels great to be in good shape. The only problem is that you get so darn thirsty when you work out and the water in this town just doesn't cut it. You read that coconut water is good for replenishing electrolytes. The local health store only carries one brand and one flavor. Oddly enough it's called O.N.E. The flavor that you are stuck forever is grape berry. At first you don't really like it. It has a strange harshness to it that is not quite the same harshness as grape juice. The more you drink the more you become accustomed to it. You realize that it tastes like watered down grape juice with a tinge of berry thrown in. It shouldn't be good at all, but it is and it's refreshing. After a couple of sips you no longer even notice the flavor of the coconut water. All you taste is watered down grape juice with a slight stevia aftertaste. It's not great, but it will do the job. It's too bad that you'll never be able to get the shop to order other flavors for you because the day of their arrival will never come.

If you would like one of the greatest comedic movies of our time to be turned into a tragedy for you read this article. The folks at What Culture use science to determine that Bill Murray's character was stuck in the same day for 33 years and 358 days. As we learn in the movie he has tried to kill himself several times. Who could blame him?

When Mike handed me this drink all I could think about was Duck Tales. Remember the mini series where they go in search of the Seven Cities of Gold? I'm pretty sure it was El Dorado that they were looking for. Man, I loved those episodes. They had the bad guy who was wheezy all the time. It was great. I feel like they used to rerun those episodes all the time. Also, remember that time they went to search for a lost relic, and it ended up actually being relish and Scrooge had just misheard it. Now that is the comedic gold of El Dorado.

This drink may not have that kind of gold in it, but it's decent. It has a light non-citrus tropical flavor to it. I wouldn't place it as either guava or passionfruit though. It's almost flowery tasting, but not quite. I do enjoy it. I just would have given it a different name. It also contains no fruit juice, and has taurine in it for some reason. It doesn't say anything about it being an energy drink, so that is a bit odd.

I wonder if Duck Tales is streaming on Netflix. Nope. They have the first three seasons available on DVD though. I may have to get those.

Wow, this drink has one of the strongest scents I've ever experienced in a beverage. It smells like two people were making a fruit salad and they sliced into a mango and mandarin orange simultaneously. It's quite a smell to be smelled. I wish the taste were as strong and specific as the smell. There is little if any coconut water flavor in this. The only trace of it is in the aftertaste. The mango and mandarin flavors blend together into a new tropical citrus fruit. If I drank this blind I don't know if I would guess either of those fruits were in it, but knowing they are I can spot them. I like this a lot. If you're into Vitamin Water, but would like to mix things up a bit this would be the drink to do it with. It's evolution baby!

Calling something "clearly" anything, I feel, is a bit insulting. It's like using the word "obviously" as if to say, "You dumb dummy. It's obviously a 1981 MGB." I know, I know. It's called "clearly" because it's clear, but still...a titch too much for my liking. Speaking of "my liking" I liked this a handful more than the previous one I reviewed. This one still has a strange thickness to it, but it's totally drinkable and the grape flavor is pretty good. If I had a kid that didn't drink bottles who needed to be hydrated, I would let him have this.

We're half and half with this company and that's more than I can say for most companies so congratulations.