Sports/Dietary Supplement - 535 Reviews

Can someone look back at the Truman Show-esque tapes of my life and tell me exactly what happened to make me such a fool for melon? When I was younger I never disliked melon, but I always thought of it as just there. In fruit salad it was the filler. One of the greatest Simpsons' quotes is about how cantaloupe doesn't matter when it comes to honey dew. I don't think a good laugh is enough to change my taste buds though. It remains a mystery, but I love melon these days.

For years I have been talking about how all I want is a bottle of cantaloupe juice. Think of how amazing that would be. It would be so damn flavorful. The last place I expected to get a little fix for my urge would be in a bottle of Gatorade. While this is a far cry from a glass of actual melon juice, it does taste enough like a mix of cantaloupe and honey dew to satisfy me until science comes through for me. It mostly has that general Gatorade flavor, with notes of said melons. This is the kind of Gatorade I would drink at an early morning sports practice. Remember that dumb summer when I decided to join the school football team and had to waste my vacation getting up way to early? You don't? Well looks like you should rewind those tapes of my life a bit further. I forced a fumble once that won us a game. That play probably consisted of 75% of the game time I actually got. Go make some popcorn, you're in for a wild ride.

If this bottle weren't completely sealed I would have questioned whether or not someone had replaced the beverage with some sort of poison. Actually, do you guys thing someone could have done that with a syringe in the nub at the bottom of the bottle? It really didn't taste right. It had one of those flavors that set off alarms in your taste buds/brain that warn you to make sure you're not drinking antifreeze. On top of that when I first shook it up there were these clouds floating in the drink that were definitely a different consistency than the rest of the drink. It's a little disturbing.

So what we have here is a bottle that tastes like watered down berries mixed with some sort of coolant. Not exactly what I look for in a beverage. It's a totally different chemical taste than other energy drinks. Apparently this is a natural poison.

As it turns out it either wasn't poison at all, or I have a high tolerance. I drank this a while ago, and I have yet to shuffle off this mortal coil, or show any signs of doing so. Looks like “heart stoppage” does not need to be included in the list of possible side effects after all.

Blueberry grape? Who has heard of such a thing? Blueberry is always paired with pomegranate and these two just shouldn't blend. Jones, the insane Canadians that they are, decided that they can do whatever they want. They put those guys together in one bottle and came up with...wait for it...a strange drink. It smells good and it invites you in. When you drink it, you get some blueberry and some grape juice but there is something else in there, something that I didn't like. I don't want to say bitter but it had a bit of that acai taste to it even though that wasn't an ingredient. I think it's actually the vegetable juice that they use for color that kind of snuck in some flavor. I've had this before with those drinks that are fruit flavored but have a days worth of vegetable intake in them. I'm fine with that, but know that it also delivers this strange aftertaste. If you know this stuff, you will be fine. I am the informer. Snow and I, we are informers.

Deep in the Alaskan wilderness lies a group of people exiled from civilization. They were misunderstood and should have never been banished like they were, in the middle of the night with pitchforks, flaming sticks, and arrows, like modern day Frankenstein monsters. They are occasionally air dropped supplies so that they can live. The people that put them there aren't bad people, just complete idiots because the people that they sent away were the smartest people in each of the towns. When they opened their mouths, genius came out and the townspeople didn't understand or felt threatened. Now there is a small town that is run by geniuses and has things that larger towns don't have like perpetual motion power, no government, friendly robots, fair trade, and a research and development facility that puts the drug companies to shame. Inside this facility they have a type of grape that is indigenous to only there and they dubbed it the "arctic grape." It is a marvel of science that only such smart people could create. Inside and unlike in regular grapes, there are vitamins, minerals, and electrolytes that could only previously be in sugary sports drinks. They use it in a juice that they drink all the time. It's a light purple color and tastes great. It doesn't have and calories so they can all stay as fit as they always were. It tastes a bit between a candy grape and a "real" grape and doesn't taste like a diet drink, which is a nice middle ground for both the adults and children at the town.

There is little to no communication between the people that sent them away and the townspeople so they aren't aware of such technological advances. They like it that way because it's their secret way of getting back at them. They live far better, richer lives among their own kind than with the likes of those dumb dummies.

Fitness Edge knows that when it comes to protein drinks it is important to have flavors that pair well with cream. When choosing a flavored protein drink first ask yourself could I see myself eating this fruit or whatever with whipped cream on top. If the answer is no, quickly run away. There are very few things worse then dairy where it should not belong.

Well that is not really a good rule, because dairy and orange juice sounds like hell, but creamsicles are magical. The flavors just work together in soda form and they work together in this drink. It's still heavy on the whey protein, so it's a bit more dairy flavored than I would like, but it's easy enough to drink. It's thick, which is to be expected, but it's not as chalky as some protein drinks are. It's not bad, and who couldn't use a little bit of help with muscle recovery after working down at the docks all day? I have no idea why I am assuming you work on the docks. Oh wait, it's because you're wearing that little winter hat, that just barely covers the top of your head and comes nowhere near covering your ears.

Who doesn't want to be fit? I'm not saying you have to go the whole nine yards, juice up, and become completely muscle bound, just toned at least. I do. I feel like I used to be due to my incredible metabolism but then the years started catching up to me and I had to be a bit more conscience about what I eat and drink. I've never gone crazy with food, which is why I'm not four hundred pounds, but I could have definitely done better with my food choices in my life.

In order to become more fit, I have taken up bike riding, which I have actually scaled down since having no time to casually ride my bike with a kid. That helped for a little bit. Now it's down to things like eating right since I don't really have time to go to the gym. Either that or I'm lazy and making excuses. If I were to go to the gym, I know that I would traditionally bring Gatorade but with all the other fitness drinks I've had since doing Thirsty Dudes that might not be the go-to anymore. This is another one that should be on your radar. It's diet, yes. It's sweetened with sucralose, but it's not poison like you might think. The flavor is actually pretty light, which you can control with how much you squeeze in to your glass but I followed directions and it was lighter than I expected. It's zero calories, though, and has everything that's going to energize, hydrate, and electrolyte you to get to your target weight. The flavor is that of a berry, whether it be a blueberry, you know, because it's blue, or a black berry or any nondescript berry. It could be raspberry, which it could be in hindsight because of its "blue" color. You know how that is the only blue food that exists in drink form. Whatever flavor it is, it's not bad and with no calories you could drink it all day, in or out of the gym. I've seriously got to think about something fitness related before my body just rejects what little I do to it for payback.

First there was 8 Minute Abs. Then the great 7 Minute Abs was thought of by a lonely hitchhiker. That self same hitchhiker then assured us that 6 Minute Abs could never exist, due to science. Years later the world is bombarded with 5-Hour Energy shots. They always seemed a bit scary to me. Time shouldn't be able to be so concentrated into a little bottle. Finally everything has come together in one plastic container of Zum XR. The contents of this bottle will slowly release both caffeine and electrolytes over a 5 hour period. Think of how many sets of 7 Minute Abs you could do in that time. The caffeine will keep you going and the electrolytes will keep you hydrated. It's a win-win situation and by my calculations you'll have a month and a half's worth of ab workouts in one afternoon. Who's going to argue that science?

The functionality of this drink is right on the money. I drank one before I went to the gym and I ended up working out longer, and didn't feel as worn out by the end. I also didn't feel jittery at all. The problem is in the science of the flavor. It's not grosssauce, but it does taste like watered down mandarin orange juice, with a bit of functionality weirdness in the aftertaste. It's not something I would drink for the flavor, but it's not bad compared to other poison tasting drinks that promise a somewhat similar functionality.

On another note, it says it shake the bottle to “unleash” the power of the energy beads that are in it (aka the cupcake sprinklesque tiny balls that are on the bottom). No matter how much I shook it I couldn't get them to exist in the bottle, except at the bottom. By the time I got to the end of the drink I got a mouthful of the little guys and I could see how that could be a turn off for some people. So keep that in mind.

UGH! That is what I exclaimed when I first took a sip of this. I have enjoyed all the other Monster Rehab drinks, but this is borderline undrinkable. It tastes like someone was potting a plant next to it and accidentally got some of the soil inside. They tried to filter all the soil out, but the taste was still there and they just hoped no one would notice.

Well I noticed and it sucks. I hate wasting drinks but I can't even take a third sip.

You know how I like my coconut drinks? When they don't taste like coconut. {pause for laughter} I like coconut just fine in small amounts shaven atop an iced cream but in drinks, unless they are ice friggin' cold, as far away as possible. They're typically just dusty, chalky messes of liquid that should have never been made in the first place. Yeah, I know it's harsh but I don't give a rip. Drink like a normal person and tell me you haven't had to refrigerate a drink to refresh it or just flat out thrown it in the filth can. Come on. Be honest. I don't care. I've dumped plenty of drinks because of those reasons. Sure, I drink more than the normal person, but in ratio, aren't we all the same?

This drink held on to its decency for longer than most. It had an "orange drink" taste more than an actual fruit but it wasn't a bad taste. The entire time it did taste like coconut but they don't make coconut drinks to completely disguise the core flavor. That's just stupid. It was almost like you watered down juice with some coconut water. Neither flavors are bold and in your face but rather subtle and, dare I say, nice.

Coconut, you're getting better. I now have the power to go into the blistering cold and get my little buddy from day care. Without you, I might have just left him there to fend for himself in the snow to take the bus home and be a friggin' man. You're almost two. Get a job and take the bus.

I've had my fair share of these drinks, and this is probably the best tasting of the bunch. It has a generic fake orange flavor to it with a hint of ginger (no burn) that tries to fight the fake sugar taste that lingers at the end. The fact that it is non-carbonated only helps. It goes down smooth, and it serves its function.

For once my issue with a functional beverage isn't with the flavor, it's with the name. I really have no idea why I have never questioned it before, but why is this company called Celsius? What does that have to do with eliminated calories? I mean I get that they are trying to tie it in with burning calories, and flames are hot and Celsius is a unit of measurement for temperature. It just seems like there has to be something more behind it, and I want to know what it is. There's more to this story, and the ex-reporter in me wants to find out what it is. The ex-15-year-old in me couldn't care less and just wants to go and play video games until his friends call. Guess who's going to win out?

If pomegranates were my kryptonite this drink would surely be my doom. While I hate that I just made a Superman reference (a cheater if I ever saw one) I could think of no metaphor that would be more fitting. There are tons of “weird” ingredients in here, but the pomegranate sneaks up and just punches you square in the nose. Oh good now I have blood all over my shirt. Oh wait, that's just pomegranate juice, because I dribble when I drink like a baby. Either way that's never coming out…€¦great.

This is strong, tart and functional. It has a lot of what you need to get through the day in a healthy manner. Sure I could do without the stevia, but the pomegranate is so strong that it buries it a bit. You know I could actually see myself drinking this for pleasure, which is not a common thing with these types of drinks. It really just tastes like a strong juice with a little something extra that doesn't bother me all that much. Huh. Who'd have thought?

Question: If this is supposed to be flavored water then why are there any sweeteners in here at all? There is both agave nectar and rebiana. That is two unnecessary sweeteners for “water with a twist.” This could have just been lime juice in water and it would have tasted fairly comparable. I certainly would have enjoyed it more. It's not sweet enough for the rebiana flavor to be justified. It takes away from the flavor of the limes. Those aren't just any limes either. They are West Indies limes. Those little bits of citrus traveled a long way to make it into this bottle and that dumb natural zero calorie sweetener is ruining it for them. There should have been a red carpet rolled out for them and teams of reporters. Instead they are walking over the old tattered rug into a by the hour motel that they are now sharing with a complete stranger. The glamour of the exotic is long gone my friends.

I don't know where to start with this. It tastes...funny. Right off the bat, there is a strange bitterness that I can only attribute to my arch nemesis Acai while teamed up with that other guy I'm increasingly not too hot on, Reb-A. Oh, it's way down on the list but it's still there, crapping up the joint. The mixed berry doesn't even get a chance to shine through because those two hams are in the spotlight telling bad jokes that are borderline racist and making everyone in the crowd feel uncomfortable. You get a little bit of the mixed berry here and there. If I can continue my comedy show analogy, it's like the mixed berry is the MC who is better than all the acts. Perfect. That's the perfect analogy. I did it. Done. Peace. I'm out.

For those of you, like myself, who were unimpressed by the original flavor of Lucozade I urge you to try their tropical variety. While the sugar water taste of the original in just there, not offensive or great, this type I would actually go out of my way to drink. It has a nice passionfruit and pineapple combination of a taste to it. I expected it to taste like one of the more flavorful Gatorades, as to be comparable to their flagship flavor, but this is like a completely different product. It's very sweet, but sometimes that is exactly what you're looking for in a drink.

This is marketed as an energy drink, but as far as I can tell the only things in here that would give you energy are sugar and caffeine. In reality it's as much of an energy drink as a can of Coke. I guess that's way healthier than the amount of chemical junk Americans put in their bodies in the name of being a little more awake.

One great thing about this label is that it is made in China, but the text is half in English and half Spanish. A lot of the text is there in both forms, but there is some that is only in one of the languages. It's not a big thing at all, but for some reason it made me laugh.

Do you know what I'm in support of? Kids being strong. Keep in mind that I'm not around children very often, except the four or five that my friends have, but it seems every kid I see now a days is a little chunker. I blame television, video games and the fact that there is so much garbage in food these days. Sure my friends and I had TV and video games when we were younger, but we also spent a majority of our time outdoors exploring and skateboarding. Perhaps the fault lies in the growing number of creeps in the world that make parents not want to let their kids wander out of their sight. Who knows for sure?

Anyways, yes I am pro kid health. This drink is essentially Vitamin Water that is formulated specifically for children. It has all the vitamins and minerals that they need to be healthy and strong. Well, those alone won't make them that way, they do also need to stop being so lazy and go build a fort by the creek or something like that, looking out for Chesters the whole time.

This orange beverage tastes like someone took some weak Tang and mixed in some ground up Flintstone's Children's Vitamins. It tastes like it was made from a powder mix, but I chalk (no pun intended) that up to the high levels of vitamins in it. It is in fact a bit too chalky for my liking. If it were anymore than 12oz, I doubt I would have been able to finish it. I had a brief struggle with the amount I had, as the chalkiness got worse as I reached the bottom, even though I shook it up. This is a good concept, but the flavor just wasn't quite there.

More melons. I want more melon in my life. I want it in my diet all the time and I want it in more drinks. I love it. It's been done pretty poorly with the exception of the Calypso Triple Melon. This is close to a really good execution but something inside of this bottle is killing the perfection that I so desperately desire. I will blame it on the sugar as none of the fruits in this drink have the sharpness that I'm getting. I don't get the watermelon but I do get the strawberry and the melon and those are the two that I really want. I can taste things trying to get through like a goat trying to get through the fence at a petting zoo to stick its wet nose in your pocket to get the feed you just aren't giving to him fast enough. Oh, those rectangular pupils get me every time. I forget and then the twice a year I spend time with them; there they are, filled with 90 degree angles. It's just unnatural, but goats eat cans and boots so it's fine. Goats. You guys are alright.

Honey, I'll be home a bit later, but I made some soup for you that is in the fridge. Just warm it up and you'll be good to go. Actually maybe toast a little bread and break it up in the soup, who doesn't love that?

*Cut to several hours later*

Darling, I appreciate that you took the time to make me soup for dinner, but I have to tell you that was the worst soup I've ever tasted in my life. It was so sweet and tasted vaguely dairy like. I don't know where you got that recipe, but please never make it for me again. I would rather go hungry than eat that again. What does it matter what container I took it out of? Of lord, please don't tell me you made mass quantities of it! Anyways I took it from the blue container. I thought it was weird that you put soup in a pitcher, but with a color like that what else could it be? What, the soup was in the Tupperware on the bottom shelf? Well then what exactly did I eat? Please tell me it wasn't one of the kids science experiments. Oh it was a smoothie that you made, that makes way more sense as to how sweet it was. I know I wasted a large chunk of your smoothie, but can I please try it cold instead of piping hot? Well this is much better this way. It's a nice thick mango and orange juice that is not insanely sweet, which I really enjoy. It's a bit chalky though, especially towards the bottom of the glass. That little bit was almost undrinkable. Oh, you added some whey and soy protein so it will help you out after your workout. You really are a smart one, and I am truly an idiot for thinking this was soup.

My boss, in an attempt to save his liver, is eating well. Very well. So well that he doesn't eat hamburgers, sandwiches, tacos, and pizza with us but instead he goes to the gym, rides a few miles on the bike and eats some fruit and sometimes comes back and drinks a protein drink. Today he had this and generously offered some to me.

First of all, I can't appreciate that "health" drinks have accepted the fact that everyone loves the flavors of junk food. I would say that "chocolate fudge" might be the most gluttonous flavor that has ever existed. No, eating chocolate fudge is not gluttonous and no I don't think less of you if you eat it. If I had some in front of me, it wouldn't be in front of me because it would be gone. I don't even care if that makes sense. You know what I mean. This drink is a gift to people losing weight, I'll tell you what. It tastes like a thick, chocolate milkshake and doesn't take a trip to Proteinburg for a couple seconds. Once we round the corner to that final destination, you get that slightly chalky, artificially sweetened taste but it's not terrible. It's expected so it doesn't catch you off guard.

My boss is more fit that me. He might be more fit than you. He's a big dude and lost a ton of weight in order to save his liver. I eat semi-poorly and he is not rubbing off on me. Sure, I would like to eat better and work out, become a hard bodied man of a man, but I don't have time for that. For now I'll eat poorly but eat less than my body wants. That's how I attack obesity; by malnutrition.

VBlast is a terribly disgusting name for a company. Anything really. Just "Blast" would have been fine but as soon as you added the "V" in there, my mind only goes one place and it gets grozz. I just had to get that off my chest first.

Secondly, this is just juice. This tastes like cherry Kool-Aid. I know there is pomegranate allegedly in there but he is hiding and shouldn't be paid for his role in this drink. It's diet and zero calories and sucralose is not offensive so if you love kid juice and just can't get past the fact that it has like a trillion calories, here is a good supplement. Also, it's got vitamins in it so all of a sudden juice is healthy. Blows your mind with what science can do nowadays, right?

This is one of those drinks that is hard to classify. If you asked a kid what this was, they would say a juice. I couldn't argue with him since it's dark, fruity, and tastes like juice. When you read the labels, though, they vaguely call it a "beverage" and use sweet buzzwords like "enhanced" and "natural" and "energy" which might or might not make it an enhanced natural energy beverage but those words are borderline worthless. Also, "agua" makes me want to put it in the same category as Vitamin Water and the like but I could be wrong. For the aforementioned reasons I will never discredit a scientist for having to pick the correct genus and species of animal, bug, fruit, et cetera. Some things are drifters. That being said, a tomato is eternally a vegetable. I don't give a rip what seeds mean.

This drink is good. I don't get a lot of pomegranate but get a decent amount of cherry. It does taste like if you ate a candle and I cannot pinpoint that. I worked at a skate shop in my youth that was next door to a candle store and this drink is like someone filtered a pomegranate and cherry juice through some strategically placed candles. I say strategically because if I were performing the task, I would have candles stacked up and carefully melted as to have a seamless, waxful route of like seventeen candles to pour the drink down.

Now I want to do this. Can someone commission me to make a candle slide in which to "enhance" my otherwise average drink with additional mystery flavors? If not to make a drink, just to melt a whole bunch of candles and hook up a garden pump to have water go through a multicolored slide-o-wax? I'll let you name it, just let me take care of the actual work and don't bother me while I make art.
e art.