United States - 4098 Reviews

Ever since I moved back to Portland, it has been cold. Sure we've had a few days where it hit 55-60 degrees, but for the most part it has been chilly. Since it has been feeling like fall, I've had a craving for apple cider. In Buffalo, it's hard to find cider when in the winter or spring. Luckily, I stumbled upon this bottle of Columbia Gorge. Oh Columbia Gorge, how I missed you. This is my favorite juice company in the Pacific North West and they rarely let me down.

On the other hand, I'm really picky when it comes to apple cider. I've never had cider as good as the stuff made in central and western New York. That is, until now. This cider is fantastic, and reminds of a lot of my favorite ciders back home. It has the perfect tart taste, with lots of flavor too. I thought I had to give up pure apple cider when I decided to move back to Portland, but I'm glad to find out that I was wrong.

Worldwide fans of Thirsty Dudes,
If you could put me on a television like Matthew Lillard's character Emmanuel Goldstein or "Cereal Killer" in the movie "Hackers" that would be perfect for this. Imagine me on your television or any and every television that you walk by on your way down the street like in an electronics store or Times Square. I am going to give a speech.

Hackers unite and listen to me. I have found it, the holy grail of tea. It is perfect and I wouldn't do anything to improve on it. The quest is over. If I ever have another tea at this caliber, I will not live another day because my heart will explode with glee. This tea smells like carnival cinnamon salt-water taffy and tastes not much different but with the added flavors of a fresh black tea. It's naturally sweetened with honey, which rules, and towards the bottom of the bottle, it just gets better because the honey kicks into over drive. Do not ever pass this tea by. If you ever see it and have 1% of a question in your head, I will crack that riddle for you. Buy it. HACK THE PLANET!

Dear old friend. I've missed you. You've grown up a lot since I've last seen you. Dare I say you've become a man while we've been apart? I might just say that. You have made new friends, I see. I don't blame you. I wouldn't have expected you to wait around for me after all these years. You've also lost a ton of weight. Good for you on that venture. You weren't fat before, but you had some extra chunk and bad skin.

So what have you been doing with yourself? You joined a gym and started eating better? That's awesome. Oh, you've replaced your regular sugar with Stevia? Good for you. Forward thinking. I wasn't introduced to your friend. Hello, my name is Mike. Oh, Acai? Interesting name. Is that Scandinavian? You don't know? Well, nice to meet you all the same. What else besides the gym, dude? It's been so long. Oh, you taste the same? Normally that would not be a big deal except that you have met your new friend Acai here and are using Erythritol and you kept your priorities in check. Everyone always loved you. Now you're even better!

Well here's my number. Don't let this happen again, Fruit Punch.

The bees have started revolting. The world is upset because "bees are going extinct" but in reality, the bees are fine, they're just mad. They're mad because companies have been making "pretty close" honey in powder form rendering the hard working bees of the past obsolete. Bees. They are annoying when you're allergic but they're fine. It's the typical, "don't bother them and they won't bother you" mantra. It's what the kid bee's parents say to them, too.

So man comes along and creates natural things unnaturally and sells them back to people who know and love the natural version of the unnatural thing. Makes sense...These super scientists have created a green tea with lemon and honey that isn't terrible for you, sweetened artificially, and made from powder that isn't absolutely revolting. I know, I know. "Absolutely revolting" isn't a hard level to surpass, but it's been done. It's not too sweet and actually tastes like you want it to all the while being 20 calories. What more could you ask for? Oh, I don't know. A tea made with real honey, lemons, and green tea. Beggars can't be choosers. Remember that mantra while you're categorizing the other one I reminded you of.

Early morning. You've got a taste for something but it's 8:30 and you're not a child anymore. Sure, you love video games and cartoons so mentally, you might be a bit youthful, but on the outside you look legitimate. Also, you don't want to be awakened by the stampede of a hundred elephants by drinking something like a five hour energy drink or even a regular energy drink. You don't want something too light like plain old water. You want some flavor. You want some pep. You want some pizazz. This drink satisfies those needs and desires. It's really bold, spicy, and perfect for a morning wake-up call.

Yerba Mate is going to energize you naturally and it's not too bitter for beginners. There is cinnamon, cardamom, clove, and anise in there for the spice lovers. All together, they play together to create a nice, spicy tea that I could and will drink again and again. I was a bit skeptical of chai because I think I had it before but it might have been some milk and tea mixture that I was not crazy about. Now I feel like a dumb dummy because I've been missing out on a new morning staple.

When I was a youth, I used to drink a lot of the non-Lean Sobe honey green tea. It was awesome. Later on in life I realized that it was one of the worst drinks for you on the shelves. I don't eat particularly well, but anything I can do to ensure that I don't become a chunk helps, so I dropped it.

Cut to today, I've got a bottle of the Lean and I'm excited to see what zero calories versus 240 tastes like. Different? A little sweeter and just as oddly minty as it's fully fattened predecessor. Do you know what that means? Awesome. It means awesome. It means that for one of the limited times, you can get a good tasting diet version of the non-diet version of a drink you love. It has Erythritol and tastes like it but I don't hate it as an alternative sweetener so I won't count it against them.

Science and diet drinks have come a long way since Sweet & Low. Diet drinks don't all suck. Re-give them a chance.

The lottery is pretty intense today. Odds are that you have a 1 in 175,711,536 chance of winning. That is, for the first time ever, not a made up arbitrary number. Imagine winning. It is undoubtedly true that you would at least contemplate buying your own plane, but that's not a smart investment. You don't leave the city limits so what business do you have owning a plane you will never use? Me? I'd move to a nicer house in the same city that I live in, but seriously, not extravagant. I would also probably not buy many new clothes. I would probably buy that stainless Rolex Datejust that I want but can't afford the bi/tri-annual maintenance fees. I would probably do everything the same with a nicer car and maybe pants that don't have holes in them.

I would continue to do this site because I enjoy doing it. I would drink gross stuff with chunks and I would also drink great drinks like this Mate Fusion. I do get a bit of pomegranate but the yerba mate is strong, brother. Strong. Bitter and strong. It was nicely sweetened but still a genuine tea at heart. It's a nice guy. It's the guy that would win the lottery that you know and are friends with that might just give you like thirty grand for "fun money." What a generous dude. What a generous tea. Thanks for giving back, tea. You're a good dude.

Sometimes you have a long day at work and when you get home you just want to sit back relax with your ladyfriend and your cats and watch a movie. Sometimes you still feel stressed, so you drink a relaxation drink to help mellow you out. Sometimes that relaxation drink is a can of the sugar free version of Koma Unwind. Always that drink will taste like the strangeness that would be diet Pixie Stix. Instead of tasting like flavored ground down sugar it now tastes like flavored ground down sucralose. It's somehow not completely terrible. I don't like it as much as the normal, but for those of you out there who are accustomed to diet drinks this would probably taste pretty darn awesome.

Sometimes about a half hour after drinking this drink your still conscious, but your body feels like it is asleep. Sometimes it's a strange sensation and it makes you feel restless, because you're not in bed and asleep. Sometimes you give in and go to bed. Sometimes you have dreams that you're a criminal breaking into a broken down Dave Foley's house to break into a safe. Sometimes he comes home and you sneak out the back into a neighborhood park. Sometimes he comes out and you chat each other up. Sometimes you ask if you can use his bathroom so you can go back in and recover the jacket you left behind. Sometimes Dave Foley has a completely disgusting toilet. Sometimes the next thing you know a truck with a gallows on it is pulling up for your execution. Sometimes you make it so the truck rolls down the hill into the lake in order to not die. Then sometimes for some inexplicable reason you dream about drawing highly lifelike pictures of Hugh Laurie.

Sometimes life is very strange with Koma.

I'm sorry, but I have nothing positive to say about this drink. It doesn't really taste like tea at all, even though it has natural tea solids. It also tastes overly diet. Splenda is the devil, and it has no place in beverages. Drink companies of the world take note. It's gross. I don't want to drink it. Keep it out of your drinks, so I don't have to taste it when I write reviews. I understand the need for diet drinks. We live in a country where the majority of the inhabitants are overweight in an unhealthy way. Diet drinks are fine; just use natural sweeteners such as Stevia. Finally, the peach flavor tastes insanely fake due to all of the artificial sweetener that's in here. Hansen's I expected more from you.

Impatience. We've learned to treat this as anything but a virtue. Like that time that Mitch Hedberg told the wino who he saw eating grapes “Dude, you have to wait!” Apparently the folks at Starbucks never got that memo and they harvested their coffee beans too early. You see the little buggers were still green. They were in no shape to be roasted and eventually brewed into a $4 cup of coffee at one of their stores. The thing is that unlike everydayman the Starbucks head honchos are an industrious type. They knew that the green coffee still has high caffeine content. They didn't want their crop to go to waste, so armed with this knowledge they decided to make a chilled energy drink. They took some sparkling water, mixed in some orange, apple, grape and watermelon juice, and then put in the extract from the green coffee and some other ingredients to help create energy (physicists be damned). For an afterthought due to impatience it is crazy how good these drinks ended up tasting. It almost tastes like a mellow Orangina, with a little bit of a watermelon kick. Unlike almost every other energy drink in the world, this one tastes like you're really just drinking some sparkling juice. It also has a low calorie sweetener in it, but the taste of it is nicely hidden. It's only really noticeable slightly in the aftertaste. Well played Starbucks. It's shocking that a drink in one of your shops costs about as much as three of these did in the supermarket, and these taste way better.

There is a cabin that a friend's family owns that Jay and myself go to a few times a year. Before there was the powerhouse that is Thirsty Dudes there was just Jay and I drinking drinks for fun. On our way up to the cabin, we like to stop at a supermarket and get things like hot dogs and drinks. This was the first time that I had seen or heard of Steaz. I think that I got a pomegranate acai and I also think that it was three-ish years ago. I hated every sip of it and I don't think that I have drunk another Steaz until today because of it. I'm not one to really hold a grudge, but I didn't feel like I was missing out on drinking any more of that junk.

We have been playing catch-up with some older, more common drinks as of late and I have seen this on the shelves forever and just assumed it was junk and skipped right on by. I decided to give it a go last week and I'm happy that I did. This is just what I was looking for. It's really light and has a nice, non-gum and non-mouthwash mint taste. It's actually refreshing and if I was a common man and not a destroyer of drinks, I would easily make this a standard in my collection of go-to drinks. It's not too bitter but tastes real. I liked it. The colder it was the better, too. It really brings out the coolness of the mint. This is good. Sorry I hated you for so long.

I never took any still life drawing classes in high school or college. I nude modeled for a life drawing class and bought a pizza with the proceeds but that's a different story all together. Even though my life lacks the ability to mix paint, I don't need to look at a bowl of fruit for hours on end to know that a "banapple" is not a real fruit. I enjoy fruit, too. I had cantaloupe today, yesterday, and the day before. If that isn't dedication to fruit, I don't know what is. I enjoy looking at the exotic fruits with my lil' buddy Max when we go to the store. He holds on to dragonfruit, apricots, kumquats, and more. A banapple has never been on the shelves.

If this company invented a fruit just for this drink, that is incredible but I feel like that is science that should be better put to use making tacos out of thin air or something. Food science is food science, right? Don't waste your time bastardizing apples by adding a banana to them. If you made a pearana (the concatenation of a pear and a banana) that would be great because I hate those dudes.

Luckily for me, there isn't a strong presence of banana in this drink but there is a strong presence of a pretty great, smooth, berry drink. You don't even know the chia seeds are there, those of you who are concerned about a Mama Chia like drink. These chia seeds have been finely ground that they blend in with everything else and provides you with a nice, thick berry smoothie. I like it. Banapple, you know that apple is doing all the work, right? You are the kid in high school that relies on everyone else in the group to do the project while you sit back and play Ninja Gaiden.

These drinks are the beverage worlds equivalent of Tribbles. Don't act like you don't know what a Tribble is. I know you're secretly a nerd and have at least a beginner's knowledge of Star Trek, so you can just stop pretending that you are clueless as to what I'm talking about. Again, this drink=Tribbles. No matter how many I drink of them whenever I open my fridge/cupboard there are more waiting for me. I think they may actually be asexual organisms that are just reproducing. If they were spectacular drinks I would celebrate this and encourage them to reproduce at high volumes. Truth be told, I'm not a fan of diet drinks, or things that taste like seltzer water. I don't flat out hate them, but with so many other drinks floating around my world I'm drinking these out of a sense of duty. In reality these aren't bad at all, but they are completely middle of the road. This one in particular tastes like a slightly dry diet orange soda with just a hint of mango. You really can't even make out that it's mango, but there is definitely another fruit flavor there other than orange. To be completely honest I would have probably enjoyed this a bunch more if they had completely forgone a sweetener instead of using sucralose. Oh well, I'm sure that when I go to move more drinks to my fridge tomorrow I'll find 8 more bottles of this stuff. KKKKKHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAANNNNNN!!!!!!!!

All three of us Thirsty Dudes have been having the same issue as of late. We are sadly uninspired from drinks as of late. Sure, we've been pushing out some stories and tall-tales, but those are hard to do. Normally they flow like water as if our hands are miniature hoses and water is flowing out of them and miraculously pressing the right keys to easily spit out a funny review about a Malamute on a skateboard.

There is no rhyme or reason to what inspires us but I can tell you what didn't inspire me; this drink. It's alright, but it's nothing special. It's black cherry. It might not even be as good as cheaper variations. There is a certain...offness to this one, though. Once it hits the back of your throat, something numbing and not fantastic happens. That's not something that I signed up for. The smell is inviting enough for me to bear the pain for three quarters of a bottle.

They can't all be hits like their new birch beer flavors, that's for sure. This might be the worst Johnny Ryan I've ever had. You have to start somewhere, I guess, and this would be at the bottom. Sorry local friends but I've got to tell it how it is.

Dude, dude, dude. Hey, I've got some stuff you might like. You like drum and bass, right? I just got this awesome John B "Catalyst" record and remixes from the UK. Yeah, John B. What do you mean you've never heard of him? Crazy hair, wrote that song about Myspace. Yeah, that dude. Do you listen to any other electronic stuff? No, not the band Electronic with Bernard Sumner and Johnny Marr, although I won't fault you for liking that. The Prodigy? Really? Still? Well I can't say I've listened to anything after Fat Of The Land but you've got a good taste in music so I'll trust you on that one.

Hey, speaking of electro, give this a whirl. No, it's not drugs. What, do you think that because I've got a backpack full of electronic records it's got to be drugs? Well friend, you are wrong. No, it's this drink that's actually for kids but it's not too bad. It's got a bitter vitamin taste, but the flavor is like an explosive burst in your mouth with every sip. It's grape flavored and it smells like grape but to taste it is just a tremendously strong flavor that I can't really put my finger on. It's called "Electro" which I thought was cool. I bring these to raves so that I can stay up. Yeah, some kids are probably on drugs but I drink this juice. It's all-natural so it couldn't be further than drugs. You should come with me some time. Well have fun listening to those records. I'll talk to you later.

Hi, I'm Mr. Pure. You might remember me from such drinks as Papaya Punch and Pineapple Orange. I believe I know what people want, and I take pride in providing them with only the purest juices. Here in my factory I order the purest juices (in concentrate) this world has ever known. I then add some water to un-concentrate them and add high fructose corn syrup, citric acid, pectin and red 40 to the mix. People want pure and I give them pure that's why they call me Mr. Pure.

Okay, even though the whole pure thing is pretty much a garbage gimmick and there is nothing pure about this drink (the bottle itself says there is only 10% juice in it) this is a decent tasting beverage. Sure there is no watermelon in it at all, unless that falls under “natural flavor.” It's just apple and peach juice. If you hold in it your mouth for a while it gets that Jolly Rancher watermelon taste to it, which is kind of creepy knowing there is no watermelon in it. The peach taste is decent at least, and that's from real juice. Also even though it is sweetened with HFCS it's not as thick as I would expect. It may not be pure juice, and it may not come close to a nice 100% freshly squeezed juice, but it sure is a heck of a lot better than most juice drinks you would find in a gas station.

I wasn't really prepared for this. I expected a decent juice, but not to this level. Raspberry flavored apple juice sounds great right? Well how about whole raspberries pressed into some of the finest purest apple juice you will ever taste? This bottle contains 100% cold pressed fruit. On top of that it's made semi-locally. It seriously tastes like I'm eating fresh fruit, and I can't get enough. It's known that I am a glutton when it comes to drinks. My ladyfriend always complains when I ask for a sip of her beverages, because to me a sip is a quarter of the bottle (or so she says). With that in mind I am trying to take the tiniest sips possible of this, so that I can savor the flavor. This really is one of the best juices I have ever tasted. If you ever see this at your local market, don't even hesitate to make your purchase.

Medicine is no laughing matter. If you are sick, I suppose that you can laugh when you are stricken with illness and you can laugh that you have antibiotics and your disease will soon be no more. Anyhow, this whole medicine cabinet candy store scenario has gone on too long. People raiding their mommy and daddy's medicine cabinets and taking prescription pills is not a good life. You know that is no way to live your life, right? You know that the pills you took that were in an Oxycodone are actually just laxatives right and now you're going to have the toots. Medicine is not a joke and should not be taken unless prescribed to you via a doctor. Cool? Done.

If you feel the need to take vitamins, those you can almost go crazy with. Vitamins will make it so you don't need medicine if you do it well. Want to have fun taking vitamins? Try some of these Karma waters. The other ones are more juice than medicine. This one is more medicine and serious than the other ones, I've got to say. This was thicker, more opaque, tasted exactly like mango and orange would taste if mixed with vitamins for kids, and probably did the trick.

So seriously, stop it with all the pain medication abuse. Just quit your job at the plant. That will improve your life. Get a job doing something you like. If you can't do it, go back to school and go for it. We don't want anything to happen to you. If something happens to you via overdose on your grandma's old pain meds from her back surgery, it's on you, but I can't say I didn't tell you. Drink vitamins. Have a better life.

MOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM, I want lemonade! Now son, you know we're in Mexico and you can't just have everything you want. We've been here for a week and all you've done is complain about how you want some lemonade. I told you before I looked in every store and nowhere sells it. I also haven't been able to find any lemons to make you some fresh. They must be out of season or something. But MOOOOOOOOOM I really want it. What about that weird plastic lemon that is in the fridge, couldn't you make some with that? Well I suppose I could. I don't want to make it with the tap water though. W have a lot planned today, and I can't have you running off to the bathroom every five minutes with the runs. The only bottled water I have is carbonated, but if it will get you to shut up let's give it a try. Oh, now you've gone and put far too much of that lemon juice in the sparkling water. We'll have to fix that by adding some sugar. Unfortunately since this is a rented room, there isn't any sugar here. Oh wait, I think I have some packets in my purse. Ugh, all I have is artificial sweetener. I guess it's better than nothing. Here try this. What do you think? Ugh, MOOOOOOOOOOMMM this is GROOOOOOOSSSSSSSS! Nothing about it tastes natural. MOOOOOOOOMMMMM I don't want lemonade anymore. I want iced tea!!! Well lucky for you they had some down at the market. Let's take a quick trip there.

So yeah, this tastes exactly like the drink this family made, except it has little dark chunks in it. It's apparently part of the limejuice, but it just looks like the drink has gone bad. This also says it has no diet aftertaste. Guess what? They are liars.

Surplus! Surplus! Surplus! What on Earth are we going to do with this surplus of vegetables?!? Marky “accidentally” put the decimal point in the wrong spot on his last order before he spit in old man Peterson's face and quit. Now instead of 50lbs of vegetables we have an entire warehouse full of them, and they are going to go bad fast. I know what you're thinking, and no we are not going to donate them. Sure it would be a tax write off, but I'm not going in the business of throwing way money, especially in such high quantities. Don't give me that look. I bet you have never done a day of charity in your life! Oh, you work in the soup kitchen and read to dying children in the hospital in your free time? Well aren't you little mister perfect!

Wait a minute. What was that drink that you had last week? It was juice, but it also had vegetables in it. Ahh yes. V8 Fusion. You said that was delicious, so why don't we do the same? We have a bunch of peaches and mangoes that we were going to make juice out of, why not stretch that a bit further and mix in a bunch of veggies. You could hardly taste them in that V8, or so you said last week. Plus the vitamin content will increase, which means so with the health benefits. People love healthy stuff these days.

Okay either you're a liar, or V8 did something we didn't because I can most certainly taste the vegetables in this juice. It tastes pretty much exactly like what it is; peach mango juice mixed with vegetable soup. Well if that vegetable soup was sweet, which is weird because we didn't add any sugar. It starts off all right, but that aftertaste is like a bad gazpacho. We could cut down the number of veggies we use, but then we would still have an insane amount left after the fruit is gone. I think we should stick with this recipe. Even if it's gross, people may still buy it because it's a new product, and we have no intention of ever making more after all this produce is gone, so who cares if they will never buy it again. Now let's make some juice.