United States - 4098 Reviews

Sprite and 7-Up. That's what we think when we hear "lemon lime". To drink something lemon lime that isn't carbonated is just kind of strange. It's not the non-pop company's fault; they were just there first and more prominently. Now the new jacks have to make up for lost time. Fresh Healthy Stuff helps themselves to the cake by making a cool, interactive cap that snaps on any bottled water. Surprisingly, it doesn't spill when you shake it. I am notorious for using too much water, having to take the cap off to compensate, and then spilling some water, but that's because I'm a dumb dummy.

One thing I will say is that it is so hard to get the cap to push the mix in the drink. First one I didn't have a terrible time. My girlfriend couldn't do it. The one that I had last night though, brother. No way. I was pushing so hard and couldn't get it. I eventually had to put the cap on and slam the cap against the bottom of my cabinet to get it to go. It did, it mixed and I drank it.

Flavor hour? It's good. It's a bit...vitaminy, but it's not terrible. The orange was better. It was an expectant flavor but was a bit...tingy. Is that a word? It's underlined red which means that it isn't but you know what? It, like Yiddish, translates.

Wawa: The Pride of Pennsylvania. Now that's a slogan the state should look into. Sure I know there are Wawa stores in a couple other states, but I always associate it with PA, specifically Philadelphia. They are truly something to be proud about as well. I've been in an obscene amount of gas stations, mini marts and convenient stores in my day and I can safely say that Wawa falls in the top three greatest I have ever been in. The greatest of their achievements is their ever-expanding line of iced teas. They are a made with real sugar and actual brewed tea, something to boast about in the world of store brands. My most recent trip to Philly was the first time I had seen this flavor there. I quickly grabbed it and some soft pretzels and made my way for the door (well after paying of course). Once outside I clicked a quick picture and downed most of the bottle with my salty bread products. It was a wonderful combination. The surprising thing about this tea is how much it actually tastes like tangerines. I've had a few tangerine flavored drinks in my time and I have to say this is one of the more authentic tasting ones. The goose has shown us the way once again.

Finally I've found a pop that captures the essence of pomegranates. I have drunk dozens of pomegranate and pomegranate + [other fruit] hybrids and something is lost in most of them. Anyone who has ever eaten a real pomegranate knows what I'm talking about. That sweetness mixed with the bitterness mixed with the deliciousness. Sure, you don't get yellow hands from drinking this like you do prepping a real, live pomegranate, but do you really ever miss that? Preparing the pomegranate makes you look like you've been smoking sixteen cartons of cigarettes per day for your entire life.

This is great and I think that it's one of the Hansen's flavors that is available that I can get in my area. If you like pomegranates and are wearing a white shirt and don't want to get juice all over it, this is not only clear, but tastes like what you want. Win, win, win, win. Also, if I may teach you something that I learned; if you put cut a pomegranate in half and whack the back with a wooden spoon, you can get all the little flavor crystals out pretty easily. Just watch how hard you hit it because there is a lot of "loose juice" that can come at you. You're welcome for saving you like ten minutes per fruit.

Sometimes I feel dumb reviewing things everyone in the world has had but then I think that someone out there wants to hear what I have to say about something that they know rather than something that they don't know. I will say this; iced tea should not let out an audible "psst" when you open the cap. There is nothing in iced tea that is natural that should do that so it's either their high pressure sealing technique or something else but I don't like it. I do think that this is light years better than their regular Brisk. That stuff is undrinkable. I feel that the raspberry kind of takes the edge off a bit. Raspberry is the mediator between good and evil.

This came in a giant bottle for a dollar and that's a bit much. I would have paid more for less if the quality were there. I have done it before and would do it again. Look, I know this isn't anything that people don't know and think every day like "tacos are delicious" but I'm putting it out there so someone reads it and turns things around. No one would be offended if Lipton dropped the Brisk line all together and focused on their PureLeaf or 100% Natural line because this tea is cheap garbage. I mean that in the nicest way, Lipton.

Sometimes you have a restless night where you repeatedly fall in and out of sleep. Sometimes at 5am you think to yourself “enough is enough.” You then get up and down a “relaxation drink.” After you lay back down you shortly reenter the world of slumber. You dream that you're in an airport and your flight was canceled and no one will give you a direct answer as to when you will be boarding a plane, as if it was your fault your flight was cancelled. Eventually you wake up feeling refreshed, thinking to yourself “well that drink really worked.” It's not until you grab the “shot” bottle that you realize that it wasn't a relaxation drink at all, but rather an alcohol recovery & rehydration shot. Sometimes you feel like a complete moron and question everything that you once thought was real. Do relaxation drinks really work? Is Bill Murray really that funny? Are hot dog stuffed crusts on pizza really the single greatest idea of our generation? Don't worry the answer to all of those questions is most definitely yes. You were just tired and half asleep. Sure it was psychosomatic that it worked and you fell back asleep, but it probably would have happened anyways if you had just waited a little longer. The end times are not here, you can rest well.

So yes, this is in fact not a relaxation drink, but I will say that I woke up feeling refreshed, so it works to some extent in its proper function. If you got completely, sloppy wasted I'm not sure it would be much help, but for a couple of drinks I'm sure it would help you not feel like dog doo doo in the morning. Unfortunately, the flavor is not the greatest. It tastes like someone boiled down some lemon lime Gatorade down to a concentrate and pouring it into this little bottle. It's far too strong and it tastes wrong, but it's a shot and that is how most of them taste. Oh well.

All I can think of since I picked up this can today is that stupid Metallica song “Fuel.” The terrible tribal flames on the can don't do much to help either. There is a broken record in my head, and all I hear is “Give me fuel. Give me fire. Give me that which I desire.” Infinite loop. I don't even know if I've ever even listened to the entire song. Do you remember back in the 80's when bands like Metallica and Slayer seemed like the evilest things ever? I remember the kid down the street from me stole a Slayer tape from his brother and I was scared to listen to it. We finally did and I thought it was the fastest music I had ever heard. I also thought that it was pretty awesome. That same kid and I also got in trouble that year in school because we were reading a Sandman comic that had the devil in it (he didn't even look like a demon, just a dude). The fact of the matter is that both those bands were decent back then, but now I have friends that are in bands that play way faster and are way more evil. It's strange how our perceptions change.

I can tell you two perceptions of mine that I don't think will ever change. First off newer Metallica is garbage and it feels like the band is playing a joke on people. Secondly this is not a very good energy drink. It just tastes like carbonated diet sugar water with the faintest hint of fruit punch. There isn't even a fake candy taste to it. It's just total sucralose. I'm a guy who prefers diet Red Bull to the regular version, and I just can't get down with this. It does its job of getting you energized, but there are hoards of other diet energy drinks out there that do the same while tasting better. Leave this one to gather dust in discount stores.

Dear Trader Joe,
You don't know me but I've been a shopper at your grocery store for a few years now. I will admit I am not loyal to your establishment, but I do shop there as much as I am able to. I especially enjoy your veggie chips and hummus. It's easily my favorite hummus ever.

I haven't had the best of luck with your beverages in the past. Your so-called "vintage" sodas were quite bad if I may say so. I must say that I was a little skeptical of this limeade when I picked it up. I hate to judge a drink by it's bottle, but this screamed, "watered down artificial flavors" when I saw it. I was pleasantly surprised to find only 4 ingredients in the bottle: water, sugar, limejuice, and lemon juice.

I don't know whom you traded to get this, but you made a good trade. This is easily one of the best limeades I have ever tasted. It's very quenching, but also has a great tartness to it. I wish it was sourer, but that's only because I am still searching for that drink that is so sour that it hurts.

Good job Joe! You're good at trading.

Sincerely,
Derek

There has been an apocalypse. You and your family are deciding what to do. Sure, solar blankets, Twinkies, Spam, et cetera. Those are given. Now it comes to hydration. Now everyone, and by everyone I mean everyone except you, is going to get water. Why water? It's the best thing for you. Yes. It's true. Here's the thing, though. Have you ever stood in line to buy something that everyone else has wanted at the same time? Think Black Friday times fifty thousand times. Everyone needs and wants one thing, everyone but you. Here's what you're going to do. You're going to go for the perishables. Everyone thinks that they need water because it doesn't expire, but have they ever thought about flavor? Yeah, who cares if it's only going to last like three days unrefrigerated. You are going to be able to sell that juice for a mint because all the watered-down people are going to crave flavor and flavor you've got.

You've got apple juice, dude. Apple juice: the purest of juices, the simplest of juices. This isn't just any apple juice, though. It's fuji apple. Red delicious is what the poor pour. Sure, it tastes like regular apple juice but a little different, more tart, and it even has regular apple juice in it. You can't have all fuji apples or else you'd be paying $10 for a small bottle of juice. This is better than basic apple juice. I'll say it. It's better. You may be able to get $10 for this juice once people are sick of water. You might want to trade some of them since it's not a terrible idea to have some water on hand.

I don't know what caused the apocalypse. It might have been that small issue where the power authority thought that they could control the market so they blew up the sun. That might be it. That or that one time you peed in the lake that one summer in 1998 because you really needed to go and the bathroom at camp had that spider that might or might not been alive but was scary right next to the toilet. One of those two things led to the apocalypse.

I wasn't expecting to drink this today, but then I noticed that it was going to expire this week, so it moved to the top of the priority list. There are two ingredients in this bottle: apples and grape juice. I love that it says apples instead of apple juice, because it just makes you think of exactly how fresh this juice is. I can only assume they juice their grapes and then instantly press some apples into said grape juice. The results are beyond delicious.

Grape juice has the tendency to overpower other juices they are mixed with, but Red Jacket knows what they are doing and both juices exist in perfect harmony; neither overpowers the other to any extent. The most important thing to this juice is that there is no sweetener added to it. It's juice and nothing more, the way things should be. It makes me never want to purchase another “shelf juice.” If it's not in a cooler, with a short shelf life it's pretty safe to say it is inferior to this beverage.

As you most likely know the “band” Insane Clown Posse has a love for Faygo. They and their Juggalo fans spray it all over their shows. It's a pretty safe bet that sine the company began in 1907 sales have never been higher. Something that you might not know is that the Faygo company wants absolutely nothing to do with ICP. They consider themselves a family product and do not wish to be associated with the violence and obscenity that is prevalent in the clown's music. Proposals from the group for the company to produce limited edition sodas (and rumored energy drinks) have all been turned down. That is your history lesson for the day, now on to the important part: the flavor. This is exactly what you think of when you think of grape soda. It doesn't really taste like grapes, but it tastes like everything you associate with grape flavor. Specifically it keeps making me think of grape Bubbalicious gum that I used to chew when I was a kid. Now that was good gum. Normally I would choose a soda that was juice based over a “candy” soda like this one, but I can't argue that it isn't delicious. It's probably the best fake grape soda I've ever tried. I'm sure that has to do with the cane sugar. It's not often that you come across one sweetened that way.

First off I would like to thank you on behalf of our resort for choosing us as your vacation destination. We know that Mexico has gotten a lot of bad press lately for being dangerous, but we just wanted to let you know that our resort, and it's approved activities, are as safe as can be. We understand that for many of you this is your first time visiting our fair country. We are sure that you will have nothing but the best of times on your trip. We would like to start you off properly by serving you some nice aguas frescas. For those of you who are unaware what I am talking about, aquas fresas are fruit flavored coolers. To make things extra special we have some special Jamaica coolers today. Jamaica is another name for hibiscus and you are in for a treat. Don't worry Ms. Vanderhosen it's not going to taste like your perfume. While it is a flower, when you add sugar to it, it brings out the sweetness and the floral taste is left wayside. Now each of you take a bottle. Why the look Ms. Vanderhosen? No it is not fresh, I am sorry that you thought it would be. Believe me I would love to serve you fresh agua frescas morning, noon and night, but the Nestle company is one of our main stock holders, so they make us serve their products. It is 100% natural though, so there is no need to worry, drink up. Now Ms. Vanderhosen there was no need for you to spit your drink all over poor Mr. Saunders. I'm sorry you don't like the taste, but the flavor did not warrant a spit take. I'm sorry that you think it tastes oddly sour and dark, yet overly sweet at the same time. I admit I don't particularly like it myself. I agree that I would prefer it to be lighter and more flowery myself, but beggars can't be choosers. Ms. Vanderhosen please wait. It's not safe outside of our compound walls for you, there is a drug war raging out there. Oh, you would rather take your chances with the cartel and drink a fresh agua fresca than stay in the safety of this resort and choke down bottle after bottle of this sludge? Well, I wish you good luck then.

Gentlemen we are in a predicament. The entire 90's coffee shop fad is finally collapsing and it is seriously affecting the industry. Sure we still have all of the customers that we got hooked back then, but how are we to hook young kids. The whole attraction to the counter culture has gone out the window. In fact the counter culture has become the main culture. The idea of a man with an orange Mohawk and a boa constrictor around his neck has become commonplace. Coffee shops used to be a mysterious place that was for the artists and the “freaks.” Now they are full of college kids with laptops. The youth doesn't want to be like college kids. That is what is expected of them. They are attracted to the cool and unusual. On top of that it seems that a lot of diner style restaurants are putting a ban on kids just hanging out there. Where are earth are these kids supposed to get hooked on coffee? Our quick fix solution is to create and market drinks that are coffee based, but also that don't exactly taste like coffee. We'll make the labels look attractive and hopefully it will become an item of interest for youngsters. Our research shows that while kids could care less about the word “latte” that “cappuccino” is still alluring to them. It sounds grown up and dangerous. Due to this our first beverage in this line will be a cappuccino. The problem is that kids need to be acclimated to the taste of coffee, so we're going to put a bunch of cream and sugar in it, and to top it off a healthy dollop of vanilla flavoring. The result is closer to a vanilla hot chocolate than coffee, but the kids will associate it with coffee, and the trace amounts of coffee flavor in it will work on their taste buds. Gentlemen, I think we're on to something here and this could save our entire industry for future generations. Now someone get me a cup of black coffee, this is really a drink for kids and people who aren't serious coffee drinkers.

The rainy season is slowly fading away here in Portland and the sun is starting to show its face. What this means for me is more porch hangouts. Hanging out on the porch with friends and a tasty drink is how I love to spend nice days. This is a great drink for that. At first I was disappointed that the ginger (yes, they use REAL ginger) wasn't burn your mouth strong. But then half way through the bottle I noticed my lips were tingling. It's one of those subtle ginger burns that you don't notice right away. If this didn't have the ginger in it, it would be a pretty boring and weak iced tea. The ginger is what makes it delicious.

Apparently there is something wrong with me. I don't care for oranges and I especially don't care for creamsicles. If it was a hot, summer day and you offered me a creamsicle, I would kindly deny it. If you offered it to me again, I would less kindly deny it. If you were to re-offer it to me for a third time I would not-kindly stab you in the stomach with said creamsicle. With enough force, the hard, wooden stick would stab you in the stomach and the creamsicle would melt and make your lower portions very sticky. No one wants that so don't offer me a creamsicle.

This tastes like a creamsicle but it's not bad because it almost tastes like a creamsicle that your strange mom would make you. "We don't buy creamsicles because we can make them at home cheaper." she always says. She mixes orange juice, sugar, and milk in a bowl, pours it into an ice cube tray and covers it in cellophane and puts little toothpicks in it. That's what it tastes like. Classic mom. If you like the ingredients, you will like this. If you like creamsicles, you will like this. If you like your mom, you will like this. If you are vegan, you would like this given enough bodily training so you body can re-learn how to process dairy products.

Practice makes perfect in milk, sports, and musicianship.

Wat-aah! Sent us samples of each of their “flavors.” I use the word flavor as loosely as possible because I have tried two of them thus far, and they both taste like water. I have no problem with that. I drink more than my allotted share of water in a day, but it's hard to find something to say about a beverage that basically tastes like every other bottled water out there. According to the bottle is has a 9.0pH, which according to the chart I just looked up is the pH level of baking soda and sea water. Luckily it tastes like neither of those things. It's clean, cool and refreshing. I definitely enjoyed it, but there is nothing special about it, but that also means that there was nothing wrong with it and it is a stellar example of water, so I gave it a five-bottle review.

I would like to congratulate Johnson on his promotion. To thank him for his twenty-five years of great service, I am hereby awarding him with this four pack of Welch's Fruit Fizz. I'm sorry, Sally. What did you say? What do you mean "A jip?" Have you ever had this, Sally? Look, most guys celebrate with a bottle of champagne, but here at Cornucopia Inc., we don't drink on the job. This is like four little cans of non-alcoholic champagne that he can enjoy for almost a full workweek. That means that for almost every lunch he eats at the Cornucopia Lounge, our cafeteria, he can taste a rather delicious non-alcoholic champagne and celebrate his quarter century dedication to putting things in a wicker basket, thing. Do you know how many oranges he had to put in that wicker horn to get to where he is today? Do you know how much non-racist Indian corn he had to put in that thing to make it as far as he did? No, Sally. You don't. Now, he can go on his merry way and drink a low-calorie, celebratory drink twice a day for two days.

Oh, it was that I only got him that which you are upset about? Sally, I'm no savage. I got him a $25 gift card to Applebee's, too. One dollar for every year, like I always do for all my employees. Play your cards right and you'll be getting your $3 gift card this July.

The world of vitamin waters is pretty murky. While there are some really good ones, there are also a lot of bad knock offs. Whole Foods usually knows what's what when it comes to drinks so I figured this one would be a safe bet. What surprised me though was how tart is. Most "lemonade flavored" drinks aren't tart at all. They throw a little lemon flavor in there but don't make your lips pucker at all. This is the closest lemonade flavor vitamin water I've ever had, and I love it. It's a delicious light, flavorful, and thirst quenching lemonade.

About a month and a half ago we got together with the guys from Buffalo Eats to do a podcast. While the interview/us being idiots was going on we drank a couple of drinks and did brief “on air” reviews. The podcast just went live yesterday and while I was listening to it I realized that we never wrote a review for Mendoncino for the site. It is a mixture of fresh ground pepper and sweet strawberries that actually has peppercorns floating in it. We had conflicting feelings on it, so here are some quotes from the podcast:

a lunchroom-esque OHHHH*
Derek: “Jason just recoiled in horror after he smelled it”
Mike: “It tastes like strawberries with peppers on it.”
Jason: “Something tastes really, really not…€¦I like the spiciness to it.”
Derek: “It tingles the tongue.”
Donnie: “It smells way worse than it tastes.”
Mike: “ There's like vinegar in this. Is anyone getting that thing where you pour it in your mouth and you breath in it's choking you?”
Jason: “I'm getting asphyxiation.”
Mike: “Yeah I was going to say, this is auto-erotic.”
Jason: “I assure you there is nothing erotic about this drink.”
Derek: “I'm getting exactly what it says, it's strawberry and pepper. Just pour black pepper over a strawberry.”
Jason: “Something about it is fermented a little or something.”
Derek: “It's definitely fermented, not as much as Fentimens though.”
Jason: “Fentimens is delicious though, this is atrocious.”

Mike gave it a two, I gave it a one and Derek gave it a three, so by the law of averages it is getting a two-bottle review.

To listen to the full podcast go here. The review of this drink can be found from 45:30-48:45.

Sometimes we get to a point where we have just reviewed far too many flavors of the same product line. What's left to say? That you're stuck in a desert and your hallucinating from the heat and lack of fluids, so you follow a lizard, and the lizard talks to you and tells you the secrets of the universe, and informs you specifically what the secret behind pi is. Finally he reaches into his stomach and pulls out a bottle of mango melon flavored Lifewater. The bottle is dripping with viscera and such, but as I said you've been wandering this godforsaken desert for what feels like 40 days and nights and you're wondering how the Jews did it in the bible, so you open the bottle and even though lizard guts are touching your lips you chug that bottle of refreshment. It tastes like someone dissolved a mango and melon flavored powder in a bottle of water and didn't quite shake it up well enough. It also tastes very diet, but in the erythritol way and not the sucralose way, you know the way that is tolerable. As soon as you swallow that last drop that tastes somehow grainy even though it doesn't in texture, you turn to look at the lizard, but you realize that you're not in the desert at all. You are actually in the middle of math class and you've drooled all over your protractor. There is an empty bottle on the floor next to your desk and you have a vague recollection of buying it from the pop machine in the cafeteria. For some reason there is still lizard guts on your lips. Is that what's left to say? If so, strange times indeed.

Here's something I don't like: having a non-natural looking tongue or lips. I hate candy that turns my mouth different colors. I don't like blue Freez-e-pops, blue candy, blue drinks. I don't like it. I don't want to look like an eight year old who blatantly just O.D.'d on some awkwardly colored candy.. I know it's happening to me as I drink this but I'm just going to hope that it's not. It's not enough to make it something I would drink regularly, but I will make an exception to my rule today. It's Wednesday.

Aside from my Technicolor tongue, this drink is sa-weet. Anything like this I can feel the child in me scraping at the walls of my poorly constructed adulthood walls, begging to get out and chug this whole bottle and then do something stupid like eat a case of Skittles or make ramps out of scrap wood in the middle of the street. This tastes like candy and smells exactly like how it tastes and tastes exactly how it smells. I guess Crush was bored with orange and just went full party-time and bought into the explosive blue raspberry market, which is a good market for kids but not for adults. That being said, I wouldn't want my kid drinking this because a dentist isn't cheap without dental insurance.