United States - 4098 Reviews

Dude, if you're going to stay up all night and play Modern Warfare, you're going to need to get juiced up. You aren't going to be able to stay up on Mountain Dew, the official drink of gamers everywhere. You're going to need something with pep in it. Is pep an ingredient? If not, when I grow up, I'm going to make it one and put it in everything. You know those Arizona tallboys you're always drinking? I saw they had an energy drink and I bought one for you. This will surly allow you to headshot British ten year olds all night. Your frag count will be through the roof, bro. So here, I got you one of these. Let's slam them together, put the disc in, and play. The time is eight and we've got until six to play before we have to get ready for school.

You know? This isn't bad. It's like a juice but with a bit of energy drink in it. It's like a fruit punch, maybe even a tropical fruit punch with a splash of some generic energy drink in it. Are you ready? Did you make your guy? No, don't pick a shotgun, dude. You can't pick off dudes with a shotgun. I saw this video of a kid who threw a knife and it bounced off a plane and hit a dude in the head and killed him. We're got ten hours to get that good. Go!

Does the rest of the country/world outside of the northeastern United States have any idea what real apple cider is like? I just realized that I'm pretty sure it's a regional drink. I mean if you don't live near apple orchards then you're not going to have proper cider. I feel bad for everyone else now, because cider is one of the big reasons to go on living. I have no qualms with apple juice, but it really will never step out of the shadow of cider. I don't know what causes the change in greatness, and I don't want to know because I'd like to believe it's magic.

Grower's Best did do...well their best to create a cider that would have a longer life span. You see real cider only lasts maybe two weeks before it starts to "turn." Then it becomes alcoholic, and then even grosser; vinegar. The taste of this falls somewhere between a traditional cider and plain apple juice. It's be best pasteurized cider I've ever had but it still doesn't compare to the beverage I know and love. Nice try Grower's Best, but I just don't think what you're trying to do it possible.

It's "Black Friday" and guess what the only things I bought all day were a couple of tacos and a smoothie. I hate shopping and I'm not about to do it on a day like today. Instead I went and hung out in the woods with two of the best dudes I know. Seeing as it's unseasonably warm for the season (over 50 degrees at the end of November, who says global warming doesn't exist?) we decided we couldn't pass up this opportunity to be outdoors one more time before the snows come and force us to never leave our homes. I'll tell you what it was nothing but good times, and I would choose it over shopping any day.

So anyways we hiked, build a bridge over a creek and made fun of each other a lot. A perfect day to me. When we got back to the car I opened this puppy up and sat back in the seat and enjoyed the ride home. I really don't have much to say about this. It's pretty much a knock off of Vitamin Water's XXX flavor. If you've had that, then you pretty much have had this. To be honest I don't know why this exists. I would understand if it was a store brand, but it seems to be it's own generic entity. With Vitamin Water being 10 for $10 pretty much everywhere I don't know what they mean to achieve with this.

The past couple of days have really been kicking my keister. Due to the holiday, and general gluttony, I've been eating way too much food. That coupled with the fact that it's dark by 6pm has caused me to get sleepy way early. Yesterday I took a step towards being the old man that I've been striving to become by taking a nap. Today I had too much stuff to do, so I partook in this little treat.

Does it taste like mango? Not really. Does it taste like a citrus fruit punch? You betcha. It has a slight chemical/candy energy drink taste, but for the most part it tastes like a citrus juice. I really wish stores around here sold this line of Cintron energy drinks, because I have yet to have one that I dislike and for some unscientific reason (very unlike us Thirsty Dudes) I don't feel as bad when I drink one of these. Even though they aren't made with real fruit juice, they sure taste like they are, and I will let me mind continue to pretend that they are.

Carl has worked on the railroad for the past 43 years of his life. He's loaded the trains, switched cars, and shoveled coal. He's done just about every job that there is to do on a train, with the exception of being the conductor. The little had just never suited him. He was known to say "If I wanted to look like a damn fool I'd have gotten a job with the opera." Carl is a strange man.

His fellow workers respect him as an old timer, but they also fear him, as he was prone to go off the handle for no good reason. When he got into one of these moods the only thing that could calm him down were jokes about the opera and this self same orange cream soda. Before you ask, yes it has to be Iron Horse soda. Someone once tried to slip him a Stewarts and that gentleman ended up with a hair do full of broken glass. There's just something about this particular brand that soothes the crotchety beast. Some say it's because it's not as creamsicle-esque as other brands. They say that it's more of a cream soda with orange flavoring added to it. Others say it's just because this is one of the smoothest sodas out. It's easy to find yourself through an entire bottle in the blink of an eye. What everyone can agree on is that whenever the trains run through MN they are sure to pick up a couple of cases to keep the old man happy. After all he dedicated his life to the rails, shouldn't he be rewarded in some way?

I've been holding onto this little gem for quite awhile now. Since it's something so unusual I wanted to drink it with a group of people, so that everyone could check it out. That never panned out so today seemed like as good a time as any (it's Thanksgiving).

Let me start off by stating that I ate way more of my fair share of corn today. I devoured the stuff, so I'm very familiar with the taste of corn. When I opened up the bottle, it smelled completely disgusting for 2 seconds. Then I took another sniff and it smelled exactly like a can of corn. I couldn't help but giggle. I love corn so much. I would put it into almost everything I cook if it was around. The Eden Corn Fest is one of the things my friends and I look forward to the most east year. An entire carnival type scenario based around corn harvest? Yes please!

Back to the pop. At first I thought this tastes like someone carbonated (and lightly sweetened) the juice left at the bottle of a can of corn, then I took another sip and I realized that no, that was not it. It tastes way more like actual corn than just the leftover corn water. It tastes so much like corn that it is kind of disturbing. I shouldn't want to add salt and pepper to my soda. As much as I love corn, I really couldn't make it more than a couple of sips into this drink. I still don't want to speak ill of it though. As it's a novelty soda and it does taste exactly like it promises to I will still give this a four-bottle review. I certainly wouldn't go out an order a case, but it is something that I think every fan of corn should try at least once.

Thanksgiving is a time to meet up with family, forget about diets, and have a great time. Football is on, a pastime that I couldn't care less about, but people look forward to it, even if their home team isn't playing, something I never understood. My brothers are in fantasy football leagues and have to watch like every game on TV to know how their players did. That seems exhausting. Watching every team play every team? Ugh, no thank you. How did the Bills do today? Oh, it's a Thursday and they didn't play? Welp, whatever.

Today, my brothers debated if the Chevy Volt was a good car. We argued that 45 miles of an electric charge isn't something that should have been released from the factory. One brother made the good point that you can at least get the reserve tank of the gas in case you go over the paltry 45 miles. It's really a matter of infrastructure. There is nothing that we can do about that.

So that is something to remember. Four brothers in a room for the first time in a year, discussing worldly issues. My parents tried to capture the moment by taking pictures, but I don't take pictures well and often/always make funny faces so everyone will be disappointed with the results of that photo shoot. Something I won't remember is this drink. It's average through and through. It's not bad by any means, but it couldn't be more "safe". It's got a good sweet tea, black tea taste with lemon. It's the definition of a sweet, black tea. If you are in the mood for that, look no further. If you want something great, there are other companies.

Tazo makes some awesome stuff and really raises the bar with different flavor combinations, made up fruits, and different sweeteners. This is classic, safe, regular, and so on and so forth.

I'm thankful for tacos, pizza, video games, and Ferrari's. I am also thankful for yerba mate that doesn't tastes like an old shoe filled with tea. I am also thankful for drinks that compliment my breath (bref) with the niceties on mint. Yes, I brush my teeth (teef) twice a day, never floss, and tongue scrape, but sometimes a brother just likes a little extra help, and if I can get it in a delicious tea, I'll take it.

I go to the store all the time to see new drinks that we haven't reviewed and these Guayaki cans have been staring me out every single time I go to "the aisle". Finally, I found one that we haven't reviewed so I can drink it. It's not autumn themed, I know, but I don't care. I'll drink soup in the summer, drink cider in the spring, drink iced tea in the winter, and... Buffalo doesn't really have a fall. It just goes from warm to garbage pretty instantly so we have a limited "hoodie" weather unless, of course, you're me and you wear hoodies as winter coats.

This tea was good. Quite good. It was bitter like a yerba mate should be, but not as earthy as some of the other ones. "Entry level" yerba mate, if you will. It's nicely, lightly sweetened with a nice end taste/aftertaste of mint.

This I like. This you should like.

You would think that a Jamaican ginger ale would just be called "ginger beer", right? Well that's why I make the big bucks and you are a dummy. You know that Jamaicans love spicy things like ginger beer, salsa, chicken wings, and spicy tuna sushi rolls. Yep, those are the Jamaicans we all know and love. Hey, do you think that every Jamaican teenager has a tapestry of Bob Marley? If so, I hope that it's cheaper since, you know, he's local. I hope that is the case. I would also hate to see that they had to pay full price for a Bob Marley record.

Because of these few prerequisites, I don't think that Jamaicans would like this ginger ale. I, an American, really liked it. It tastes like ginger, doesn't have bite, and is perfectly sweetened. It's better than most ginger ales that I've ever had and now I will not forget it next time I drink some garbage, Joe Lunchpail, ginger ale. I love ginger beer, and the hotter the better, but this is a separate drink all together.

Johnny was a masochist. He would go to S&M clubs many nights and would enjoy being hit by whips. It might not make sense to you, but you're not Johnny. He would come home battered and bruised three to four days a week. He would always wear collared, long sleeved shirts so no one was the wiser. He worked as an accountant in the big city and didn't want others to know what he did in his personal time.

On his way home from Whipped Into Shape, one of his frequent clubs, he was a bit parched and headed into a small corner store to get something to drink. He was going through a bit of a passionfruit kick so when he saw Kahe's passionfruit drink, he had to get it.

He went home, checked out his new gnarly bruises and welts, and then cracked open his new drink and had at it. It was like a free admittance to another S&M club because this drink was bad, but he kept going back for more. It was tart, didn't taste like passion fruit, and was poorly, artificially sweetened. Every time he took another sip, he would make a strange face of disgust, but for reasons beyond his knowledge, he kept drinking it.

Although he prefers the clubs, he now knows that anytime he can't make it, he can pick up a bottle of that sparkling fruit juice and have twelve ounces of sadomasochism.

Let me tell you the tale of Chia Steve. His cousin Joe is the founder of the Chia Pet empire. The fortune that he amassed during the late 70's an the 80's was enormous. We're talking Scrooge McDuck money here, like swimming pools full of money-money. You're probably thinking "Well good for him. He had a great idea and he ran with it and it paid off." Chia Steve would break your thumbs if he heard you say that. Steve was, and I guess still is, a botanist. Early in his career he came across the salvia hispanica (chia plant for you non-scientists out there). He became obsessed with how easily the seeds germinated and it was his life goal to discover all of this plants secrets. He spent so much time with the chia plants that the seeds would often get lodged in his unruly beard. It was at Thanksgiving 1976 when Steve went to his family dinner. He had been up all night with his plants and had yet to sleep. He didn't have much time so he just jumped in the shower to rinse off. Steve didn't realize that there were a whole mess of seeds in his beard and by the time dinner rolled around they had begun to sprout on his face. The entire family, including Steve, had a good laugh about it. He gave everyone a quick lesson on the plant and then ate his weight in mashed potatoes and stuffing. Steve had no idea that Joe was even paying attention until six months later when Chia Pets hit the market. Joe wouldn't even return Steve's calls and the infamous "Chia Court" battles ensued. It really broke poor Steve's mind grapes and he became a bit of a shut in.

A few year ago his sister finally got him to open his door to her. She came over weekly to drop off food, and clean up the place a bit. Once she got grossed out because she thought thousands of tiny spores had sprouted in one of Steve's juice glasses. It took quite a while for him to convince her that they weren't spores and were in fact chia seeds. He had been adding them to his morning juice for years for their health benefits. That was the moment that turned Steve's life around. His sister convinced him to market this juice. He was reluctant at first until she convinced him they would give cousin Joe a run for his money. Thus Mamma Chia was born.

Their flagship flavor was the cherry lime. It's weird because in a world obsessed with mojitos whenever you taste lime you expect the cool crispness of mint to follow. That is not the case with this beverage. Instead you are met with the tartness of cherry juice. It's not a combination of juices that I could drink a lot of, but the seeds really work with it. They are coated with some sort of gelatinous casing that makes them go down smooth. It's almost frothy feeling. The taste of the lime and the cherry mixed in with the entertainment of the coated seeds make this a tasty and interesting beverage. Here's to hoping that Chia Steve will soon be diving into Olympic swimming pools full of gold doubloons.

ps. Everything stated above with the exception of how awesome the drink tastes is a complete fallacy. Sincerely, Known Liar Jason.

Everything about this drink makes me want to listen to a Flock Of Seagulls record. The color, the fonts, the taste, everything. I just want to listen to the 1982 self-titled record, watch one episode of Miami Vice, and watch "Summer School" with Mark Harmon and Kirstie Alley. I want to channel Chainsaw and get a pair of Cool Dude sunglasses, sit on the beach, and drink this.

It tastes like a tropical blue Freez-e-pop. There isn't that much to say. I don't really get blueberry or raspberry. It's hardly juice and it's mostly sugar, water, and flavoring. I'm not letting them get away with calling it "juice". I will let them get away with having a gnarly bottle that's almost hard to hold on to due to cuts, grooves, and angles. Who cares, though? If you drop it, that's on you, Jack. This is not bad. Get a bottle and share it with friends because no one should take in this much sugar in one sitting. Then, go watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre and watch syndicated episodes of Becker to see what happened to the pregnant girl from Summer School.

Deep in the mountains of Pennsylvania there once was a group of hill people who lacked intelligence to such a great degree that they couldn't even make moonshine properly. They were the laughingstock of the yokel world. All these pour saps wanted to do was make some cheap hooch that could potentially make them blind, and they failed at every turn. No one really knows what they were thinking when they were trying to make it, but what resulted was a world-class birch beer. You know the kind that you would buy out of a tin mug at a county fair. When they presented it to some of their neighbors, it took awhile for the laughing to subside, but then one of them said something along the line of "how do you expect to make booze without some sort of fruits or vegetables. Since they were in season the family added a butt load of blueberries to their next batch. They still failed to make anything that would get them drunk, but what they did make was truly magical. It was a fine birch beer to start with, but the addition of the blueberries made it astronomical. It was incredibly fruity and sweet and chock full of classic olde time birch beer flavor. To top it all off it somehow went from a healthy dark brown to a bright blue.

The word soon spread about how dumb this family was, but how they had somehow managed to create a tasty treat. The tale soon reached the ears of a wealthy railroad family who moved to PA and hired the family on the spot to continue production of their soda. As a salary they would be paid in low-end whiskey (the gave them nice whiskey at first, but the hill people made fun of it saying it was too hoity toity, so they switched to swill). And that is the story of how Reading Railroad got put on the Monopoly board.


*****************************************EDIT*****************************************
As I drink more of this I realized that Reading Draft has done to birch beer what Voltage did to Mountain Dew, except normal birch beer is great where as regular Mountain Dew is garbage. It just has a slightly similar taste to the Voltage, which is the only Mountain Dew flavor worth putting into your body.

Joe was eight. He's nine now, but he was eight when this story took place. Joey had a jerk other brother who always played jokes on him. Joe and his bother Alan went to a little corner store and Joe saw a new bottle of Arizona half and half. It wasn't just any half and half, it was raspberry half and half. When Joe reached in, Alan yelled from across the store and said, "You can't have that. You're not old enough." Joe, who was obviously old enough to drink lemonade and tea, didn't believe him, but after way too much effort on Alan's part, he actually convinced Joe that he needed to be ten to buy that bottle. Alan said that he knew a kid that would make him a fake ID.

They went to Alan's friend Darren's house and they went in the basement. In the basement, Darren had a printer, and a digital camera. He drew a mustache on Joe with magic marker to make him look ten, took the picture, printed it on a photocopy of Darren's mom's old license, covered it in scotch tape, and gave it to Joe. Joe paid Darren the fee, one bag of Tropical Skittles, and they went back to the store.

Joe went up to the counter with his half and half, showed the woman behind the counter the ID, and gave her a dollar. She laughed, handed him a penny, and Joe ran outside, happy to try a new flavor. With a fake mustache, fake ID, one penny, and new drink, Joe was on top of the world. He took his first sip and sighed because he got away with it. It tastes like processed, but not bad, diet lemonade and raspberry iced tea. No one let him know that he didn't need that ID until he was twelve, but by then it didn't matter because he was old enough and didn't need the ID anymore.

Twenty-one inches, ladies and gentlemen. Twenty-one inches. What is twenty-one inches, you ask? The spaghetti that I bought today. Some of the strands I later discovered were bent in half so the ones that were 100% intact were actually forty-two inches long. You see why I had to buy it, right? Every day people eat boring spaghetti that is only a foot long, and that's for the birds now what I've had this stuff.

To accompany my giant, novelty spaghetti, I had to have a solid drink. You know how some wine compliments cheese and visa-versa? Apparently I think that ginger ale compliments spaghetti because that's what I picked out.

I was let down. The spaghetti was alright. It took forever to cook and although it wasn't bad, it was just long spaghetti. One thing I didn't like after the fact is that it was hollow which made it hard to slurp. I don't typically slurp spaghetti, but the fact that I was going to slurp on strand of spaghetti for up to forty-two inches was something I quickly put and then removed from my bucket list. The ginger ale was dreadfully mediocre. It didn't have any bite and if anything was a bit dry. One did not compliment the other and I made a poor pairing mistake.

If you see that spaghetti anywhere, buy it because it is fun. If you see this pop anywhere, leave it be.

My grandparents had a small apple orchard in their back yard. I loved apples. When I was a kid they were my absolute favorite. As a result whenever I was visiting them and apples were ripe I would gather up as many as I could and devour apple and apple until I got sick. I was a dumb kid. I liked the game of seeing how many I could eat. The best part about their orchard was that they were all green and yellow apples. As much as I love apples I would pick one of those over any red apple any day. I tip my hat to Juicy Juice for going the uncommon route and using green apples in their sparkling juice. This could have turned out just like any other sparkling apple juice, but they mixed things up a bit and I thank them for that.

There is something strange about carbonating green apples. They almost get a sour apple candy taste to them. At first sip I was disappointed because I thought it was sour apple candy flavored. Then I remembered it was juicy juice and they don't add sugar. After a couple of more sips I was completely on board. It is slightly sour, but then again so are green apples. The aftertaste specifically really tastes like you just at an apple. So far, this is my favorite in this line.

It's a little known fact that after the robot wars died down Shockwave, the second in command of the Deceptacons, started dabbling in the energy drink game. He got so into it that he altered his laser arm to be a drink dispenser (you know like in a fast food restaurant). It was strange times. After several failed attempts at classic energy drinks he decided to take it in ta-other direction. He realized that the United States is slowly becoming more health conscious, and while they still don't care about adding extra stress to their hearts they want healthier alternatives to their beverages. He then designed a carbonated energy juice. He basically carbonated some orange juice (with a handful of other fruit juices mixed in for an extra kick) and added the usual suspects of energy giving supplements; taurine, caffeine, b vitamins and others. His past creations were fairly average because he didn't have a group of human taste testers, but for this he fed it to elementary school kids who then finished recess in record-breaking time. He realized that he had made something very special. As a single robotic tear formed from his one digital eye, Megatron showed up and turned into a giant gun and shot him in the face. Tragic really. The world will now never know what future wonders this drink guru would have come up with.

Somewhere in the Carpathian Mountains a thirsty scientist named Vigo has gone "mad." He was sick of having to choose between his two favorite drinks, which were green tea and root beer. He decided to take matters in his own hands. He would create a hybrid, a Frankenstein monster of sorts of beverages. He loaded up his ingredients on the platform. He was about to raise it into the storm brewing above when his assistant grabbed his arm and begged him to reconsider to think of how this would affect the future of the planet. The mad genius threw him off and yelled, "Back off man I'm a scientist!" With that he threw the switch and the platform was raised and instantly struck with lightening. If you know anything about science that is the only proper way to make an unholy alliance.

As the platform lowered Vigo scooped out a cupful in his chalice and took a big gulp. His mouth was greeted by three waves of flavor. At first it was just a nice sweet soda taste, it was actually almost a cola. Then a wave of weakish root beer flavor washed over him. It wasn't nearly as strong as he had wanted, but it wasn't bad at all. Finally as that faded away it was replaced with the bitter sting of green tea. He felt that his creation wasn't a complete success, but it was good enough to market to the public. He then vowed to spend the rest of eternity trying to improve upon his creation. It's a couple thousand years later and he still hasn't gotten it quite right. This is a nice hybrid, but it doesn't quite deliver as much as you would want it to in either the tea or root beer categories. Maybe someday Vigo will find a baby so he can return to the earthly realm and begin his work anew.

Let's play a little game called taste the flavor. You, the contestant, are put into a dark theatre to enjoy a movie. You are then handed a contraband beverage that your ladyfriend has snuck into the theatre for you. The movie is pretty dark (and completely brutal) so you can't see the label of the drink to know the flavor. Can you guess the flavor in three tries?

On the first sip you discern that it is not quite a juice and that it must be some kind of "ade" or a fruit drink of some kind. It's thinner and sweeter than a juice would be. Since you are an intelligent human being who is familiar with the Cintron line, you know that from the bottle shape this must certainly be an ade. Now you're a little confused. It's a strong fruity flavor is it peach? ***BUZZ*** Nope, your first guess is wrong. Well it does taste more tropical. It's certainly not guava, but it's something along those lines. Suddenly your brain moves to thoughts of stringy fruit. Of course. How could you not have gotten it on the first guess? It's most certainly Cintron's mango ade. Now that you know what it is you can't believe you would have thought it was anything else. It's so obviously the sweet, sweet juice of the mango without all of the sticky, stringy mess. Now sit back and enjoy your film, and try not to drink it all too quickly. You don't want to have to get up to go to the toity and miss a crucial plot point.

One of my two bosses drinks at least one of these a day. It didn't occur to me that we hadn't reviewed one yet so I borrowed some which if he asks for it back; it will be in a disgustingly different form.

Starbucks has some good "on the shelf" stuff. This is good. You know why it's good? Because it doesn't taste anything like an energy drink. Strange how that works, eh? I love this drink because of it's false advertising. I would expect this to taste like coffee spilled into some brat kids plastic pumpkin head of nothing but plain chocolate and Pixie Stix. Scene:

"Trick or Treat!" says the little girl. "It's November, kid. Get out of here," your grandpa says. "I know, but I want candy and my mom said that I can't have any and I know that when I go to other people's houses and ask with a ghost costume on, they give me candy. See? Look. I've got some chocolate and someone had Pixie Stix left over. They said they were to old for Pixie Stix and gave me a handful of them." "Oh yeah?" said grandpappy. "Well here's what I think of your out of the box thinking." he said as he pours an entire carafe of old coffee into the boys plastic jack-o-lantern, but before the boys leaves, the old man dips his cup into the pail now filled with floating candy bars, Pixie Stix wrappers, old coffee, and the little boys tears, and takes it to his lips. He enjoys it, because he's a terrible old man.

End scene.

Thing is, it doesn't taste like that. It's a smooth coffee drink. If I didn't know better, I would just say that it's a mocha Frappuccino. You even get a periodic taste of real coffee, which is a nice touch, I must say. Who knows how much actual caffeine is in there, between the coffee and whatever other energy supplements they have in there.

I hope that story that was completely fabricated never comes true. I would hate to see a sad ghost kid walking down the street with damp, coffee stained candy.