United States - 4098 Reviews

The scientific community has been shocked that the great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandson of Ben Franklin strived to do for most of his life; capture the energy in a bolt of lightning in a can for human consumption. It was not widely publicized in the day that those were his true intentions with all his experiments and inventions, due to the fact that not that much time had passed since the Salem witch trials and no one wants to be drowned or crushed by a ton of rocks. Our Founding Father never succeeded in his quest, but each generation of his lineage has since added to his work. It wasn't until Stevie Franklin reached a 100% achievements in Skyrim, took a gigantic rip from his 4-foot bong and took a cursory look at his ancestor's work that everything fell into place. Being the consummate stoner, Stevie knew how to make any household items into a smoking device and he took that knowledge, skewed it a bit and by the next thunderstorm he had a can of lightning.

Most people have no idea that lighting is really made up of glucuronolactone, ribose, inositol, potassium citrate, caffeine and a whole mess of B vitamins. In its liquid form it can provide an individual with great amounts of energy that Stevie hopes to use in order to crush teenagers in Halo. Lightning has a strange chemical taste that is like most energy drinks, in a way that is similar, but with a berry flavor all it's own. The only thing is that it tends to be a bit tart. Stevie added 23g of corn sweeteners to combat that problem, but it still has that tartness to it.

This is a scientific breakthrough that could change the entire world, but in true form of his ganja freak friends, Stevie doesn't mind if others use his work, but he's just too lazy to write any of it down for them.

I have had these drinks where you turn the cap one way and magic comes out and then you turn it the other way and the cap comes off. I like them. They are fun. Until now the color of the dust that comes out is the color that you would expect. Strawberry drink? Red or pink dust. Lemon lime drink? Green dust. I turned this expecting a dust and was given a dark brown liquid. I'm not saying it was gross but it was unexpected. You know when you're at home and sometimes you turn on the water and the water is a little yellow and you have to let it run for a bit to clear itself out? It's like that except this won't poison you like old pipes might. The nice thing about the liquid is that you barely have to shake it. I know there are a couple Elaine Benes' out there that hate shaking things so I feel the need to point it out. Give it one quick jiggle and you're done for the rest of your life. The taste is a little different than I expected, though. If you sold this to me as an apple juice, I might say, this is a pretty fruity apple juice. It's the same color as apple juice and tastes a bit like apple juice. The more you drink it the more convinced you are that it is kiwi strawberry. It's hard to say if this tastes like "real" kiwis and strawberries or if it's something with the aftertaste of the Stevia leaving it with a bitterness that I actually like. This drink is a regular enigma. I like it. Keep it up, 989.


EDIT:
We got this note from the company, so that explains the color:
"I just want to explain the reasoning behind the coloring on Kiwi Strawberry. Out of all of our flavor, Kiwi Strawberry color changes the fastest. All of our coloring are ALL NATURAL and hence they do tend to change colors after some time. If you try any of the other flavor, you will see that their colors are much more vibrant."

You know what I like? Diet energy drinks that don't taste gross. See, we here at Thirsty Dudes consume a lot of empty calories everyday. Because of this, I have come to enjoy diet drinks because it means I don't consume more calories. The problem with this of course is the majority of diet drinks taste like someone mixed dirt and battery acid and made stew out of it. This is especially true for a lot of diet energy drinks.

I have been really tired this week, due to lack of sleep. It's starting to (finally) warm up here in Buffalo so drinking hot coffee in the morning isn't something I like to do. Because of this, I have been drinking more energy drinks than I'd like to. They do the job, but I'm trying to drink as little of them as possible.

All that being said, this drink is delicious! The lemonade is sweet and slightly tart, and the pineapple taste compliments it very well. It makes sense that UFC made this its official energy drink because it's a touchdown. Wait, UFC isn't football? Oh, fighting, hmmmm... It's a punch to the mouth? That doesn't sound too positive.

Think of every fruit you've ever eaten and then put it in a drink. Simple as that? No. I'm sure there are countless composition notebooks over at Ralph and Charlie's house filled with just the perfect ratio of all of them. Oh, you want a roll call? You got it, Chuck.

1. Banana
2. Orange
3. Apple
4. Lemon
5. Pineapple
6. Grape
7. Tangerine
8. Apricot
9. Peach
10. Passion Flower
11. Mango
12. Kiwi
13. Guava

Seriously. They're all in there. It's a great drink, too. It doesn't really have any star players which is a feat in itself. It's well sweetened and although I don't think I can drink any more, it's because it's a generous bottle, not because it's bad. It's pretty acidic but expected and welcomed. This is not a juice for wimps. If you want a serious juice, like juice with a tie on, this is for you. There is no messing around. Ralph and Charlie should be given gift cards to Jos. A. Bank since they are so fancy with their juices. Someone buy these guys a nice new pair of slacks because this just is oh so serious.

Did you ever wonder why Gargamel was always trying to get at the Smurfs? Some theories are that he wanted to turn them into gold, he thought they would be a delicious treat or that he just hated them and wanted to destroy them. Truth is that good ole Gargy just needed their blood to power his doomsday machine. He was actually quite upset about their eventual destruction. He spent many a late nights sitting up with Azrael, crying about how such innocent creatures needed to die just so he could completely destroy the rest of the human race. You see at school everyone picked on him for being bald and ugly. Oh, you didn't know that Gargamel was actually a high school student? Well he was. The entire Smurf world was really just a school shooting about to happen. It was sad really to see a boy so confused.

Eventually Gargy grew up and started a Fortune 500 company. He invested a lot and created this juice in homage to the creatures he once thought he had to destroy. All proceeds go to Smurfs all around the world. It's like reparations: reparations that are a mixture of blueberries, blackberries, apples and a banana. It mostly just tastes like blueberries though with some other flavors around the edges. Gargamel tried to list them as Smurfberries on the label, but the FDA wouldn't hear a word of it. If he had just reversed the percentages of blackberries to blueberries this would perhaps be the world's finest drink, but alas he did not and what we are left with is still delicious.

It took a lot of ground up baby lion cubs to make this drink. They should have waited for them to mature a little bit because this is one wildly strong drink. The thing about matured lions is that they kind of calm down and make better drinks. This is super tart. Super tart. Super tart. It sat on the back of my tongue for an uncomfortable amount of time. It's an energy drink. It's rough because it's so strong. Strong little cubs.

A great thing about Vuka is that they specifically formulate their different energy drinks for different activities. They know that if you're staying up for an all night study marathon, you don't need a bunch of taurine or other chemical garbage junking up your drink giving you the jitters. You want to stay awake and to be able to concentrate at the same time. For this Think variety they use natural caffeine, gingko biloba, panax ginseng, same bitartrate as well as niacin and B-vitamins. Their other flavors use different ingredients and it certainly shows. The Renew Mango Peach gave me crazy energy and a bit of the old jitters, but with this one I don't feel insane at all. I just feel alert, and it's helped me get through a bunch of things I was not looking forward to on my to-do list.

The functional side of this energy drink is absolutely perfect. Unfortunately the flavor side of it doesn't come through as much. I'm all for stevia being used as a natural zero calorie sweetener, but from the taste of this it seems like they went overboard with it. It's like whoever was adding it to the batch got distracted by a dirty joke and accidentally dumped too much in whilst laughing. It's supposed to be pomegranate lychee flavored, but the pom flavor is very mild and I don't really get any of the old lady flavors of lychee in here at all. Mostly it's just the cold taste of stevia. I will say that the more I drank the less I thought it was gross, but it's certainly not my favorite tasting thing by any means. I would drink it again and power through the flavor to get the functionality out of it though.

Mike gave the original version of this beverage a less than stellar review. The one line of his review that stuck with me, and also made me fear drinking the other flavors was, “It also smells like paint.” Nothing could make me want to taste something less than the smell of paint. Lucky for me when I finally gathered the courage to try this, the scent of paint was nowhere near my nostrils. They were only filled with the rich smell of chocolate.

Actually, maybe I wasn't so lucky that the paint smell wasn't there. Had it been I would have been more prepared for the way this tasted. I have never had cacao juice before, but I never would have expected it to taste like this. I mean it's the base of chocolate for crying out loud. This tastes like it's bitter, bitter dark chocolate mixed with acai or some such harsh fruit. It's sweet, but in all the wrong ways. I wanted to like this because it has a lot of health benefits and I love chocolate, especially dark chocolate. I couldn't bring myself to get further into this than three sips. I was hoping it would get better if I drank more, but nope it was still grosser than gross.

What is it about soda pop and fruit that just doesn't add up? To be more specific, why is it that when pop companies make a fruit flavored sparkling beverage nine times out of ten it ends up tasting like candy and not like the fruit it is meant to be? These sodas end up being like the actors that are used in true crime shows to recreate the events of a horrific ordeal for the world to see. They are kind of similar to the people who were originally involved, but there is something just not natural about them that is just off. In such shows, pineapple would be one of the better actors. Sure he still doesn't come across as true as a real pineapple, but he's a much stronger actor than banana and his cohorts. He may not play fruit the way we want him too, but I'll be damned if he doesn't take the character in a different direction and make us believe that it is the way things have always been.

Push's pineapple is at the top of his acting game. It's not fruit by any stretch of the imagination, but he pulls off a compelling performance that is as good as any fake pineapple I've ever tasted.

Are you an elderly rabbit? Do you have a sweet tooth, or two sweet front teeth for gnawing? If you have answered yes to these questions have I got a drink for you. Ralph & Charlie, whom I can only assume wear giant bunny costumes all day due to their love of carrots, have released this beverage to honor said love. It's all an aging rabbit, who practiced poor dental hygiene could ask for (cause you know it's a juice, so they don't have to chew the carrots, did you really not understand that? Wow.).

Now, I've drunk a handful of carrot juices before, and I have strangely enjoyed them all. Every time I purchase one, I always question why am I doing such a thing, but when it hits my tongue, I am reminded that carrots are delicious and actually make a good juice. The thing about this drink that makes it stand out from the others I've had is that it has added sugar to it. It still had that classic carrot flavor to it, but it has an added sweetness, that almost makes it taste like a treat served at Thanksgiving. It doesn't taste as fresh as the other juices, but I think the added sugar would make it enjoyable to more people. You know, the people who think that vegetables and health food are for pansies. I think even those people would enjoy this juice. Them, and that geriatric rabbit I mentioned earlier.

I don't hate the idea of working out but there are one hundred things I would rather be doing or have to do before I go work out. Therefore I never drink protein drinks because drinking them with no need for additional protein doesn't make much sense. No one is going to prefer the taste of a protein drink to a regular drink. No one. People that drink them have an understanding of the way they taste and that's fine. It's what they expect. This though, this kind of holds hands with both parties. It's not a bad drink as far as drinks go and although it has a lot of protein in it, it's only slightly dense. The flavors are good. There is a little bit of bitterness from the pomegranate and sweetness from both. It's got a bit of a tangy aftertaste that I am going to attribute to the protein but hey, 80% isn't that bad. It passed its math final. Now if it can only make sense of pro-nouns, adjectives, subjects, and predicates it can pass the language final.

Things are starting to warm up. The internet weathermen tell us that it's supposed to get up to 70 today. While I'm sure that won't stay consistent, theirs is no doubting that in the relatively near future lemonade season will once again be upon us. The weather may get hot, but the drink will help keep us cool. Now regular lemonade is great. It's simple and it gets the job done. Fruit flavored lemonades are even better. I was recently exposed to the Passion Lemonade at Starbucks and let me tell you it was a treat. Big Island Organics decided to go all the way to the top of the mountain and make a lemonade so great that they had to change its name as to not hurt the feelings of the lesser drinks.

They call it gingerade, but it is clearly flavored lemonade. The ingredients are water, lemon juice and agave nectar. That there are the makings of one hell of a lemonade, but why stop there when you can ad glorious Hawaiian yellow ginger. With it in the mix you get a great taste as well as a nice burn that is sure to turn a lot of people off, but those people aren't us are they? We love the burn, the more the better. Well, maybe not in this case, since this is a sippin' drink for a nice hot day in the sun. In that case, this has the absolutely perfect amount of burn to it.

I'm sorry this is not what you expected sir, but in all honesty did you really expect to be handed a scotch and soda or some such libation? I mean we are at an elementary school music recital. It would be more than a little irresponsible to serve alcohol at such an event. I'm actually shocked that these Hi Ball energy drinks were available in the vending machine. I mean why would kids grade K-6 have any need for energy drinks? Actually, why would kids so young have access to a vending machine? Shouldn't they be learning the basics of their educations, not chugging away at a soda?

Anyways, stop your complaining and try the drink. It's like tonic water with a splash of grapefruit flavoring in it. It's like a grapefruit seltzer, and it's not bad at all. It has organic caffeine, guarana and ginseng in it, and you would never be able to tell from the taste. I know you wanted to get drunk to make it through this night, but at least this will save you the embarrassment of your child seeing you fall asleep during his/her solo.

Sir I will not get you another. I'd like to point out for the third time that I'm not a waiter. I'm actually just another parent who's seat you have taken. Don't give me that garbage about not having assigned seats. You clearly moved my jacket that was on the chair when I went to the restroom. You also dumped my wife's purse out when she asked you to move. Now that I think about it, your trench coat leads me to believe that you're child isn't even in this production. Security!

While I love pineapples and all the juice they contain, it is sometimes nice to have it cut with another juice. If it's not a mixture of general tropical flavors, the go to for most companies is orange. It's a good choice. Oranges are great, but they are so common that people take them for granted. Mixed with pineapple they help cut down on the acidity that can make it painful to drink a lot of pineapple juice, and the oranges benefit from the pineapple flavor to make it stand out more amongst it's peers. I wonder how apple would work mixed it. I mean sure it would look silly on the packaging written out, but I bet if they used quality apples it would taste like liquid gold. Apple Pineapple or Pineapple Apple? They both sound ridiculous.

Unfortunately for all involved there isn't any actual juice in this bottle of Spartos, unless it's trace amounts under the banner of “natural flavors.” Actually no, small on the label it is written “no fruit juice.” It's a shame because while this is a decent drink (an even more decent drink considering that it is a fruity protein drink), but flavor-wise it falls close to Tang with a slight dairy edge. A citrus based tropical flavor, that is not quite orange or pineapple. The use of fruit juice would have solved that problem. Then again this is a water beverage and not juice, so that obviously wasn't what they were going for. It's just what I wish they had done. Don't get me wrong. I would rather drink this over 90% of the protein shakes on the market. Sometimes you just need to take the rough with the smooth.

This doesn't suck. It's just candy but it's good. You sniff it and it's watermelon and then at the tail end, it's pineapple. It's probably just half pineapple and half watermelon since I think they make both flavors. It's pretty sweet and is probably instant diabetes if you drink the whole thing but if you share this with some of your friends, you'll be fine.

Someone at the Faygo plant probably wanted to see what it was like so in the company break room and used the seemingly endless fountain drink machine to make it. Rumor has it that if you take a tour of the Faygo plant you can see but not touch the fountain drink machine. It's something like eighty flavors, most of which don't see the light of day: pickle, asparagus, triple cola, chocolate cake, steak and potatoes, and motor oil. It's Detroit. Motor oil runs in their blood. You have to work there to drink out of the fountain machine. If you apply and manage to make it to the interview process, you can fill one eight ounce cup. Other than that, no one can use the machine. Not even family, unless Faygo hires them. They can look but they can't touch it. Faygo will fire you if you try and smuggle out a flask of anything that isn't their regular line.

It is a bit audacious to call your company "Fave." It's just presumptive. That's not to say that this isn't going to be someone's favorite because it's not too bad. There are fruits and vegetables inside this little number and for the most part, it's pretty good. This drink is mostly fruity with only a touch of...strangeness. I know that makes it sound bad but it really isn't. It's a tangy juice with a little bit of lies inside of it. It's a white lie, which is globally acceptable for some reason. It's like there is an unspoken asterisk next to the phrase that means people don't get offended when you flat out lie to their face. Adultery, murder, and speeding don't get you in trouble if you explicit say it as a white lie.

I sat down with the owner of this company. We had chicken wings at my favorite place. He said he wanted wings and I took him to my favorite place. Yes, I am usually a snob when it comes to food and tourism and indigenous stuff but in the case of wings, I'm a classic man. He took a quick glance of this legendary site and wanted to meet Jay and I. Jay was busy so I met him. Solo mission. Mano a mano, just like the Hall and Oates song.

He told me that he thought I was really going to like this. I think he things that I really hang out in the organic section of the store exclusively the way that he kept telling me this was all natural and was made with real sugar. Today I decided to see just how valid his statement was. Two words. "It was." You can taste everything. Green tea complete with bitterness. Honey and more bitter ginseng. It really makes you look back at Arizona and question why they can't make an all natural tea. They must just be killing it with that green tea but as I drink this, it makes me feel like Arizona is way too sweet and this is where it's at. This is a great tea. Fans of Arizona rejoice that you can break free of the chains and drink something natural. I guess I'll go get dreadlocks and start eating quinoa and tofu for all meals. It's been real, meat and preservatives. That dude had me pegged.

Silly Americans. You thought the cold war was over and that you had won. You believed the movie Clue when it told you that Communism was nothing but a red herring and that capitalism was the true motivator. You have been duped and now we have infiltrated your very culture. Who do you think own all the Red Robin restaurants? It is us, working on getting you fat and slovenly. Did you really think that Red Bull was there to just help you get through your day? We created the company in order to weaken your hearts for the battles to come.

We even have some products over there for the sole benefit of our agents who are stuck on your soil. With all the garbage that you produce and consume we needed to make sure there were some things that were healthy for our people to consume. We bribed some of the higher ups at Naked and they created a special blend for us that they call “Red Machine.” It is a mixture of all of the finest communist fruits to remind our people what they are fighting for. Each bottle contains 13 raspberries, 11 strawberries, 3 cranberries, ¼ of a pomegranate, 1 ½ of an apple and 7 red grapes. We also mixed in 1/3 of an orange and ½ of a banana, as well as a bunch of other vitamins and the like to ensure continued health. While you and your countrymen choke on their excessive calorie and sugar intake, the people's people will remain at the peak of their health drinking these wonderful prepackaged smoothies. They taste like nothing but wonderful red fruit. It has been formulated so that the other ingredients are not evident in the taste. What you get has a strong berry flavor with the slightest hints of the bitterness of cranberries and pomegranate.

America, you stand no chance. Our day will come soon, and on that day all class struggles will cease to be. You will be too bloated with weak hearts to stop us.

In order to ensure that bullets don't pierce your person there are a few things you have to sacrifice, limited mobility for one. Also, if you're a sweet spy, the bulkiness of it all will ruin the lines in your suit. I also just learned that in order to become bulletproof, you also have to sacrifice flavor.

As with most energy drinks that don't proclaim to be a specific flavor, I expected the generic energy drink flavor of sugary candy. Well, diet sugar candy. I actually prefer the sugar free Red Bull to the original variety, so I thought this was going to be a little bit of decent, but nothing out of the ordinary. That proved to be not the case. This definitely has the chemical energy drink flavor, but it also has a weird almond smell to it that comes across as something completely different and weirdly citrus in the flavor. It's not something that I would ever purchase, as there are so many other varieties of energy drinks in every gas station ever. Maybe this will be your thing, but I couldn't really enjoy it. Maybe I'll unload a few rounds into it and see if it actually is bulletproof. My predictions: I'm going to tear this thing to pieces.

It's not often that you see concord and white grapes hanging out together. They're both grapes so you think they would be friends but no. I heard something happened at a family reunion where white grape brought a sexy banana to the barbecue and concord grape ended up making out with it behind the shed. Concord, you should never take you best friend's woman. Perry Farrell taught me that. White grape, you should be man enough to know that bananas will come and go and that that one was no good for you any way.

Maybe they made it up after a decade or so of a childish grudge and decided to collaborate again and come together on this little guy. The problem is that they wouldn't get out of the pool when they made this drink because it tastes watered down. The flavors are all there but it tastes weak. I like weak drinks but I think that with these two grapes together, a nice unaffected mix would have been nice since it is such a rarity.

These two are fine now but they lose a decade of their lives being angry at each other. We will ramp up to an uncut double grape juice but until then we have this, which is almost totally awesome.