Jason Draper - 2709 Reviews

I would have to not be human to pass up this drink. When I was in a seafood/Vietnamese restaurant yesterday getting my bahn mi fix I saw this in a cooler and it was a no brainer. I didn't even know what type of beverage it was. All I knew is that it had a picture of an anime dude wielding a bat like a sword with a chain wallet on. It's absolutely ridiculous looking. It wasn't until I was waiting at the register that I discovered it was a sparkling green tea; an awesome can just became an awesome drink. The moment I fell in love didn't occur until I was back at my table and I took a sip to discover that it was actually a sparkling jasmine green tea. The stars aligned and new worlds were open to me. It's a drink I've never had before, had never even thought of existing before, but now that I've had it I feel stupid for not longing for it's existence.

I was told that it tastes like fancy soap smells. Not like fancy soap actually tastes, but how you imagine it would taste. I can't argue with that, but like my friend I also don't think it's a bad thing. Who among us hasn't bitten into a piece of soap hoping beyond hope that it will actually taste as good as it smells? Oh, just me? Well it's no secret that I am an idiot. If you dare to dream as I do, then this drink could be the secret to unlocking those self same dreams.

On a side note I wanted to know what Chakuka meant so I did a little internet search. The only thing I could find was that it is the name of an Austrian rapper. I hope that this drink is a result of him branding himself in other countries. That would be amazingly hysterical.

Alright, we're going out into the desert Three Amigos' style, except we want to be prepared. There will be no empty canteens and certainly none that are filled with sand. I mean the desert I speak of is actually just a local beach, but I want everything absolutely perfect for my YouTube recreation. Okay, everyone give me your canteens. My mom said I'm not allowed to come in the house wearing this “ridiculous” outfit as she put it. So I'll be filling them up with the hose. Does she not realize that this is the costume of my craft? Does she not know that I was born to reenact every movie Martin Short has ever starred in? Just wait until I'm internet famous, then she'll let me in the house to fill up my canteens! Well until then, hose water it is! Sorry they look old, they were my grandfathers from The War, I don't even know what war, so don't ask. Oh crap, I forgot I had some peach drink in here from when I went camping last summer. It doesn't smell spoiled, but that's just weird.

Ugh guys, I don't know if you want to actually use these. The combination of the hose water, the left over peach juice residue and the aloe I put on my sunburn I got from yesterday's shoot, this is a weird not-to-great drink. I guess the more you drink the better it gets, but it never really loses it's metallic hose water taste. Jimmy, that's racist saying that this taste like an Asian drink! Oh you mean it tastes exactly like an aloe drink you had on your trip to Singapore, except this doesn't have the chunks that that one had? Well I guess that's not racist, but I feel sorry that you paid for such a beverage.

Well everyone it looks like Little Neddy is not going to talk about how he filmed a movie about going to war, or mail planes. Let's move on to Innerspace. I have a cool little capsule I've been building in my shed.

I've had enough of the winter and I don't think it's even halfway done. We haven't even had that much snow, but the cold has kept me indoors and everything is grey and it's just killing me. What I'm going to do is get myself a white noise machine that is just the sounds of the ocean; you know waves, birds, an occasional foghorn an of course the soothing sounds of pirates. With those noises gracing my ears, I will jack up the heat in my house as high as it will go, set up some photo shoot lamps facing me, dump a few pounds of sand on my floor and sit in a lawn chair. I will then close my eyes and dream that I am sitting in the doorway of my oceanside cabana. I'm there just thinking about it. Since I'm pretending I'm in the blazing sun I should really be drinking lemonade. Since I am going to be in a mind cabana then this is the lemonade I will choose. In addition to having an appropriate name, this drink is summer in a bottle. It's made from real lemon juice and that gives it a nice homemade taste. The strawberry flavor falls under “natural flavors” on the ingredients list, but it is enough to taste like someone smashed a couple of berries into a glass of chilled lemon bliss. The real kicker in this is that Cabana uses both cane sugar and stevia, so the sugar content is less than one would expect. Somehow they worked it out so that you can't taste the stevia at all. I didn't even realize it was there until I checked to see how much sugar was in here and I got a pleasant surprise.

This experiment will also hopefully lead to a pleasant surprise, when my cats hopefully don't decided that the living room is now one big litter box. I need the sun and warmth in my life, not a house full of cat turds.

I'm going to start a petition to switch the places of black and mate teas. Black tea is everywhere and let's face it, while it is delectable it is also pretty boring, and far too easy to over sweeten. Mate is a rarity. It's exotic and you can't over sweeten it without it losing its special pizzazz. I know that if they were switched for long enough mate would begin to seem commonplace and lose it's exoticness. I just want this to be for a limited time. I want to go out to eat with my family to some garbage chain restaurant and be able to order a tea and have it be special. In shirt I'm bored with everyday teas.

Kiju is a nice answer to my problem. They make a nice, lightly sweetened mate iced tea. The fruit juice carries most of the flavor, but it has the very specific mate aftertaste. It has a very strong passionfruit taste with some mango around the edges. Did I mention that they use real fruit juices in this? Maybe that is why I like mate so much. If a company cares enough to use it, then they also care enough to use primo ingredients. I've never seen a mate sweetened with HFCS. That just doesn't fly in this world. It's the world I want to be in, well at least for the time being.

This is one of those beverages that walks the line between a soda pop and sparkling juice. I really don't even know how I make the differentiation any more. I guess if there is no sweeteners added it is just sparkling juice by default. It could also be said that if it is sweetened with HFCS, or has an overabundance of sugar in it, it is classified as a soda. This has sugar added to it, but it's evaporated cane juice, and it falls under juice on the ingredients list. I'm just going to proclaim that it is both, as in the larger scheme of life it does not matter at all. What does matter is that it is delicious. Just this morning my girlfriend pulled out a container of blackberries that she had been hiding from me in the fridge. I can't blame her, when they are put in front of me I can't stop myself and I just keep eating them until they are gone. Case in point I think she ate 2 or 3 today and I ate the rest of them. I would say I was a glutton, but it's fruit, so does that even count as gluttonous? The important thing is I have the memory of the actual fruit fresh in my mind, and this drink is not far from it. The berries they used taste like they weren't completely ripe, but I know that is actually how a lot of people prefer their blackberries. It's just a little more tart than one would expect from a berry soda. That is helped by the low amount of sugar that is added to it. There are only 13g of sugar in this bottle and in the world of non-diet sodas that is like nothing. This is a beverage that tastes great that you don't have to feel guilty about drinking.

Look at Rubicon stepping up their line and their image. They have given the contents of their juice boxes with some carbonation and packaged them in these fancy little cans. Seriously it's the same juice, just carbonated and it's glorious. For those of us with dreams of passionfruit, mango and guava sodas that actually taste like juice and not some weird bastardization of it, the dream has become a reality. Sure this is pretty sweet, but so is the actual fruit, and it's pop now, so it's supposed to be sweet. Don't complain, just be grateful that they actually did things right and it tastes like you're eating fruit, and not like fake flavoring or seltzer.

Okay soldiers, this is your training for the Great Citrus Army. You will enter here oranges, but many of you will leave as so much more. Some of you will also be rejected and be forced into the concentrate army. No one wants to see that happen, so try your best and show us what you are made of. It is the time to find out if you are a TropiCANa or a TropiCAN'Ta.

Today you will be paired up with the pineapple division. Those of you who are lucky enough to pass this test will end up bleeding along with the respected pineapples and will become an elite force that is greater as a whole then it's individuals. Only the strongest of oranges will make it into this regiment: those of strong flavor, and those who are not afraid to be separated from their pulp. This is a pulpless unit folks, and I don't want to hear any complaints otherwise. Sure we all love a little bit of chunk in out drinks, but that in not what this is about. Also, be warned that there will be no sugar added to this unit, so you will have nowhere to hide. You're flavors will be laid bare.

You oranges will be at the forefront fighting bravely so that the few pineapples can sneak behind enemy lines to unleash their flavor. It is never too strong, but it's there enough to let the enemy know who is boss. They have even enlisted to help of a lone peach to aid them in the advancement of their flavor.

This is what we've been fighting for soldiers, so let's show them what we're made of. To Morning and Beyond!

This isn't Brisk, it's not PureLeaf and it certainly isn't their 100% natural line. What we have here is just plain old Lipton lemon iced tea. I actually don't think I have ever even seen this before until this bottle made its way into my grubby little hands (okay my hands are actually quite large, which is awkward since my ladyfriend's hands are tiny. I don't suggest this combo).

This doesn't taste all that different from their Brisk line. If anything it tastes like it's homemade from some powdered tea mix. Man, I haven't had that stuff in at least 15 years. I used to get it and make insanely strong/sweet tea that I would always have in my backpack. I bet I couldn't even get a gulp of that stuff down nowadays. This tastes like what that tea would have tasted like had I followed the directions. It's not bad. It's just average. It's like what you would expect to get if they had tea on tap at Applebees or some garbage place like that. Ugh, those restaurants are the worst.

I've got a special friend coming over later and I have everything just right to set the mood. I have dinner in the oven, I have the lights slightly dimmed, and I got a little boss nova beat playing in the background. I even went as far as to get this juice to accompany the music. Things need to be just right to make this a magical evening. I hope that this juice not being the greatest doesn't throw off the vibes I'm trying to throw out there. I was hoping for it to be heavier on the blueberry side than the acai, but we don't always get what we hope for. It certainly starts off with a nice strong blueberry taste, but then about a half a second late you are punched in the tongue by acai. No lie every single sip it happens. Acai is just such a strong taste that I know is hard to overcome. Using it is worth it though due to its health benefits. If you hate the flavor of said fruit, like I know a lot of people do, I would stay away from this juice. I mean what would you be doing buying an acai juice if you know you're going to hate it anyways.

Oh there's the doorbell. Mike is finally here. What? No I wasn't preparing for sexy times. Mike is bringing over his drum machine and new keyboard and we're going to write some songs. Why would I make tacos for sexy time? WE just decided we've already wrote enough songs about BBQs so it's about time we moved onto tacos…€¦and bossa nova beats.

ps. This is obviously a made up story because Mike would never use the doorbell. What isn't made up is that we have written probably over 100 songs about BBQs over the past 8 years. Sadly, none have used a crappy bossa nova beat.

What can I say about the grosvenor momordica that hasn't been said a million times before? I mean it is the most common foodstuff on this planet we call Earth. I can't remember a day when I didn't wake up in the morning and pour myself a large bowl of grosvenor for breakfast. Well I must have been but a wee child the last time I went without it.

For those of you who are visiting from other planets or galaxies I will do my best to describe this most familiar of foods. I mean how does one describe something that is as common as water? It is a fruit that grows on a vine that, and it is said to be 300 times sweeter than sugar, but it is naturally low in calories. You may also know it by it's more commonplace name: monk fruit. When it's made into a drink like this one it is typically mixed in with some liquorice root. The result is a beverage that is fairly sweet, but tastes like a watered down throat coat tea. I can't believe I actually typed all of that out since you all obviously know exactly what it tastes like. I'm sure the mental image I painted left your mouth watering and you made your way to the pantry to prepare yourself a nice little snack that will give you the comfort of your childhood blankie.

Here, if you have a cream soda, and I have a cream soda, and I have a straw. There it is, that's a straw, you see? You watching? And my straw reaches acroooooooss the room, and starts to drink your cream soda... I... drink... your... cream soda!

Wait…€¦You've tricked me! That's not cream soda at all!!! You're bottle clearly says Schweppes Cream Soda, but it doesn't taste much like cream soda. Due to the brand and the slightly yellow color my mind was half expecting it to be a ginger ale cream soda. Now that would be an amazing drink, but that wasn't it. It tastes like Kola Champagne aka bubble gum, with a hint of cream. You have disappointed me twice friend, and I shall leave you now as to not to be confounded a third time.

I'm finished.

If there is truly a substantial amount of coconut water in this bottle to pass on the health benefits to me then Naked has done a wonderful thing. The flavor/chalkiness of the coconut water is all but indecipherable. That might turn some people off, but for someone who loves juice and is okay with coconut water, but wouldn't actively buy it, this is perfect. You have peaches and guavas living in harmony as they pass over your tongue to their deaths in your digestive system. They apparently already raided the coconut camp and were celebrating when I decided to drink this. Poor dead coconuts.

Who doesn't like Gifts, especially when they are drinks? Actually, especially when they are guava juice? My ladyfriend brought this home for me as she stopped in a little market to buy food coloring or some such thing. Is it sad that I care more about drinks then cookies? If so, I am a sad individual deserving of your pity. You should try to make me feel better with more drinks. I think that would be just the thing to help.

This juice is different than other guava stuff that I have had in the past. The main difference is that I believe all I've ever tasted before this was pink guava, not this white variety. The variation is very noticeable in the flavor. While the pink variety is very sweet and flavorful, the white is more laid back. It has a very similar flavor, but it's just not as strong. I definitely prefer the pink, but I have would have no issues with settling for the white if it were all that was available.

Another New Years Eve has come and gone, which means that so has another bottle of sparkling juice. As you may or may not know non-drinkers like myself celebrate the obligatory times in much the same way that children do. I think I get the same enjoyment out of it as well. This year I decided to get a little fancier than my typical sparkling grape juice so I went with cranberry juice…€¦cran-apple. I hear that it is just about impossible to get out of sheets from Santa Fe, so I took care not to spill in on any of the fancy gowns that surrounded me, and by that I mean t-shirts and jeans. I don't hang with an upscale crowd much.

First thing to note about this is that it is not a twist cap. I had to pry off the cap on the side of the stage of the club I was DJing at like a savage, because unlike a Boy Scout I am rarely prepared. The effort to open it was worth it though, as this is one delectable celebratory beverage. It's just apple and cranberry juice mixed together with some bubbles added. The apple juice sweetened it enough to take away the bitterness of the cranberries, but their flavor was still present. It's basically a higher quality carbonated version of Ocean Spray. I will definitely have to pick up more of this for my next soirèe. Oh yeah, remember: Nothing changes on New Years Day…€¦remember when U2 was a great band? I certainly do.

If pomegranates were my kryptonite this drink would surely be my doom. While I hate that I just made a Superman reference (a cheater if I ever saw one) I could think of no metaphor that would be more fitting. There are tons of “weird” ingredients in here, but the pomegranate sneaks up and just punches you square in the nose. Oh good now I have blood all over my shirt. Oh wait, that's just pomegranate juice, because I dribble when I drink like a baby. Either way that's never coming out…€¦great.

This is strong, tart and functional. It has a lot of what you need to get through the day in a healthy manner. Sure I could do without the stevia, but the pomegranate is so strong that it buries it a bit. You know I could actually see myself drinking this for pleasure, which is not a common thing with these types of drinks. It really just tastes like a strong juice with a little something extra that doesn't bother me all that much. Huh. Who'd have thought?

Can Nature promise me that all of this dumb snow will be gone by the next time I look out the window. I know I live in Buffalo and I should be used to it. I am, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. I could move out of Buffalo, but that's where I keep all my stuff. What would I do with all my stuff? STUFF!!!???

Now that I've worked myself up into a tizzy I should probably drink this tea, as it has chamomile in it and it will help calm down my winter rage. First and foremost this tea has a strong oolong taste to it. Like yerba mate, oolong has a very distinct taste. It also looks dumb written out, as no words should start with two Os. So there you have it. This is a very strong, natural tasting tea. It has some lemon in it, but not in the cleaning spray way. It just helps the tea flavor shine instead of trying to run the show. That is the way lemon should behave. Know your place lemons! If children should be seen and not heard then lemons should be noticed, but not overbearing. Actually nothing in the world should be overbearing…€¦well except bears. They can do whatever they want.

I just had one of those “everything I ever thought was truth is now a lie” moments. This is soda mousse aka Canadian cream soda. From the can I expected it to be red, like the Crush version of it. Instead it is clear like most cream sodas. There is nothing mind shattering there. That came when I saw that it was made with real grapes. Does cream soda normally have some sort of grape base that I have been completely ignorant of my whole life? I don't think that is does, and my tertiary search online came up with nothing. That leads me to a follow up question; why does this have grape juice in it? Until I noticed that it had grape juice in it I thought it tasted similarly to the Crush cream soda; fairly standard with a slight berry flavor to it. Now I'm second guessing that. It tastes weird to me knowing that there is grape juice involved. I feel like my taste buds are trying their hardest to search out a grape flavor. Do I actually taste it or am I imagining it? I can't say for sure, and there is no one around for me to have them try it. I can say I enjoy the pop. It's hard to go wrong with cream soda, especially one that is slightly unusual.

There are a bunch of fruits on the label of this drink, and even more are listed in the ingredients. There are in fact eight different fruit juices contained in this bottle. With all of that fruit in here why does it only taste like a lightly flavored orange juice? It tastes like really good orange juice, and I enjoy it, but I expected a bit of variety in the world of flavor it contains. The oranges have gentrified this juice. It moved into the neighborhoods where all of these other fruits were living and took it over as if it were it's own. Shame on you oranges…€¦shame.

On the other hand it does have 1500% of the daily value of vitamin C. That will kill the sickness in you. For some reason Odwalla added evaporated can juice to this as well. I don't know why, and I don't approve. It's unnecessary and unwanted in my world. Get rid of it. It's not helping to keep people healthy. Isn't that the point of juices like this?

On the very tip top of the mountains of Toronto that are the skyscrapers there is a little bit of heaven that contains not one, but two gardens. One of those gardens is made of stones, which are moved around for the use of relaxation and meditation. The second garden grows but one thing: green tea. Did I mention that monks run the upper ten floors of this monstrous building? They are not your typical monks. They are urban monks. They wear hoodies with white zippers, raw denim and Beats by Dre cans that they listen to their chants on. It's a modern world and even the old customs are acclimating. In the early morning the monks make their way to the roof where they tinker around in the rock garden until they have reached their daily-allotted enlightenment. Then it is time to hand pick the tea leaves and take them to the 27th floor where they are dried and brewed into the products that help sustain their modern way of life.

In my first review of an Urban Zen tea I mentioned that I thought it was going to be green tea and aloe, due to the color and shape of the bottle. Guess what? That is exactly what this one is, and it's magical. It's like someone mixed a mango flavored bubble tea (hold the tapioca balls) and mixed it with an “original” flavored aloe drink (you know the kind that has the slight white grape flavor to it). Of course there are chunks of aloe in it, but they are not as plentiful as a lot of their competitors products. I'm okay with that though because the flavor more than makes up for it. It's extremely flavorful and sweet in all the right ways.

Next time you find yourself in Canada dish out the $2-3 a bottle of this cost and help the monks afford those new Samurai jeans they have had their collective eyes on. Remember enlightenment isn't everything.

We're all in agreement that root beer (and it's like brethren) is the best soda out there, right? I could drink the stuff all day long. Sure I would feel like garbage, weigh a couple hundred pounds more and my teeth would fall out of my head as I talked, but I would have a happy palate doing it.

I hope it's safe to assume that we all also think that “normal” diet pop is grozzzzzz. Some people say you just have to get used to it. I say I could also get used to drinking glasses on vinegar on a daily bases, but I'm sure as hell not going to do that.

So here we are with a flavor that is amongst the best and a version that is amongst the worst. Traditionally when these two things are combined the diet overpowers the greatness of the root beer, and it just tastes like a diet soda. They all taste more similar than they do their individual flavors. Krisda stood up and said “No world, I will not accept that! I will create a diet root beer that actually tastes more like root beer than diet and the world will love me for it!” Apparently Krisda realized that the solution was just to raise the black licorice content of the soda. This tastes so much like the good version of licorice (not the black jelly bean version) that it's ridiculous. It's more licorice that root beer. I'll tell you what though. The combo of that and using stevia as a sweetener creates the best diet root beer I have ever tasted. For a second you can tell that it's diet, but then that licorice aftertaste kicks in and erases your zero calorie memories.