Jason Draper - 2709 Reviews

When I purchased this yesterday it was the first time I had ever been confronted about taking a picture of a drink in a store. I was up in Toronto playing a show and I stopped in a little variety store because I had been up since 7, it was late, it was cold and dreary and I needed a little pick me up. I grabbed this can, set it on a shelf, snapped a picture, and took it up to the counter for purchase. The proprietor grilled me as to why I was taking pictures in his store. I told him it was just of the drink, and he wasn't satisfied until I showed him the picture to the left that showed none of his store and only a can of energy drink. I don't really understand why he was so upset. It wasn't like there was anything revolutionary going on in that store, it was just your every day corner store. Maybe there are sketchy things going on that I just didn't pick up on. Oh well, I got my drink and went out in the blustering cold.

The drink did its job in helping me to stay awake, and it did it in a delicious way. It didn't have a crazy mango flavor, as if you were drinking mango nectar, but more of an overall tropical flavor with high notes of mango. It was a nice change of pace from the usual suspects of the energy drink kingdom. It still had the underlying chemical taste of chemicals that you expect from drinks of this ilk, but instead of tasting like some sort of sugar candy it tasted like a sugared juice drink. You've done well yet again Canada.

I love that Granny and the family has started making unsweetened versions of their line of teas. You see I am an adult, and being one means that I no longer require obscene amounts of sugar in my beverages. Sure I drink a lot of sugary drinks to review for this website, but my intake of fluids is mostly water and unsweetened tea that I brew myself. That's good and well for when I am at home/work, but when I'm out gallivanting with my friends it's nice to have unsweetened options that aren't bottled water.

After those accolades I have to say that I'm not sure this was a good flavor to choose for the unsweetened line. Actually, yes it was. It's a good solid drink, but I would definitely purchase one of their other flavors before this. I love mojito flavored drinks, but they are one drink that sugar definitely helps even out. The lime in this distracts from the taste of the actual tea in this bottle. Tea is naturally a little bitter and that coupled with the sourness of the lime is a bit much. Perhaps I would be more prone to purchase this if the fruit flavor was toned down a bit. The mint flavor here is at a great level. It's very subtle, but still noticeable, meaning that it still has a slight mint flavor without tasting like you're drinking tea after brushing your teeth.

Okay, so I praised this, and then I took it down a couple of pegs, confusing I know. Let me set the record straight. I did enjoy this tea. I just feel that a few small changes could make me really love it. Granny, keep doing what you're doing and I'll keep drinking it, enjoying it and always be dreaming bigger.

Wait, so you're telling me that star of Boyz in the Hood, Cuba Gooding Jr, has his own special edition flavor of Monster energy drink? Can you drive stick? Oh no, you can only drive shifter cars like the Cadillac Eldorado? Oh, this drink really has nothing to do with Mr Gooding…€¦Jr? In reality it's a play on a Cuban alcoholic beverage? Well, I can't say I care much about that. What I do care about is the son of Furious Styles and the sweet texture of this can. It's like an aluminum version of concrete. Oh, you want to know about the flavor of this and not my thoughts on a cinematic masterpiece? Well it tastes like regular Monster with some lime mixed in. It has a real lime flavor too, not that fake Freezie Pop flavor either. Now show me the Doughboy!

Something you may or may not know about my fellow Thirsty Dude Derek Raymond Neuland is that he was one of the founders of the Buffalo punk house 99 Custer, aka The Last Stand. If you didn't know that you almost certainly don't know that during his time there a list was made of over a hundred nicknames for him. They included names such as Neuliana Hatfield, Neulia Styles, The Neuliana Theory, Neulia Roberts, Neulia Child, Downtown Neulie Brown, Neulie Neulmar, and one of my personal favorites: Turbo. Now I should have let Turbo here drink this beverage and write a review, but if I had done that, I'm pretty sure he never would have mentioned the nicknames and you would have been robbed of knowing that at one point someone called him Neulia Louis Dreyfus. How could I deny you of that?

Now I will tell you basically what author of Twenty Thousand Leagues under the sea Neuls Verne would about this drink. It has that general energy drink taste that will more than likely make you think of Red Bull, but with a little more citrus to it. It's no better or worse than your average energy drink, so don't let the terrible tribal heart logo throw you off. I mean it's a product made by a drug store (Shoppers Drug Mart) so I guess we should cut them a little slack.

ps. This is not to be confused with the American product of the same name that is the fake Red Bull that comes out of the gun at most bars. Although they taste eerily similar.

pps. He was also known as Gary Gas Hands, due to the fact that he looks like his name should be Gary (according to our friend Pat) and he worked at Mobil.

In the dizzying haze of strobe lights a giant of an old man's face flashes in and out of the darkness repeating the words, “Something's wrong.” Even though that horror occurred years ago in a bowling alley, the sight was fresh in my mind as I took a sip of this juice. One of the numerous ingredients in here that are not mango left a wrong flavor to this. As soon as it hits your tongue you are greeted with mango, but nearly instantly some rouge shadow pushes the great fruit out of the way and blocks the doorway to proper flavor. On top of that the pulp in this are little cubes of mango that don't have a long shelf life floating in juice and other delicacies. The way they squish in your mouth gives the illusion that they are rotting. Knowing that they are not does not help the voyage. SOS, this ship is going down.

Do you remember the Nestle Quik bunny, aka Quiky? From the 70s to the 90s he worked promoting the Nesquik powders used to flavor milk. He got all caught up in the glamour and in 2001 he hit rock bottom. The drugs, the interspecial relationships, he realized it was all to much for him and that he needed to walk away. Nestle hired a new rabbit (Nesquik) and most of the world never noticed the difference. Fame can do strange things to a bunny, and it takes a big rabbit to know when to extradite yourself from a situation.

Quiky spent a few years traveling the globe trying to find himself. He got clean, and adopted the vegan lifestyle. While visiting Taiwan he met up with the folks at Mong Lee Shang and he worked with them to create an incredible strawberry soymilk. It was essentially the old Nesquik strawberry powder from the 70s mixed in with soymilk, but it was a taste that Quiky had missed and he never thought he would have again. For some reason the company insisted on adding tapioca balls to the drink. Quiky didn't know why, but he had to admit that they added an element of fun to the drink and didn't really havea taste of their own.

Things were looking up for our bunny friend. He was set to appear as spokesperson for this new drink, and the company promised to keep it wholesome. Everything fell apart though when he found out that the drink actually contained caseinate (milk protein), and that it wasn't really vegan at all. Quiky felt like he had been duped and he walked out of the offices of Mong Lee Shang never to be heard from again.

I'm familiar with the Sambazon organic energy drink line, and I can honestly say that I am a fan. They provide healthier energy in a world full of chemical pick me ups. I had no idea this company made any other drinks until I stumbled upon this in the grocery store yesterday. If you know me, you more than likely know that the word ginger in relation to food is like the bell to Pavlov's dogs (no matter what anyone tells you, I am not a ginger as a person). If I'm at a restaurant and someone is labeled as ginger flavored, that's what I get. If a beverage has real ginger in it, it's going to end up in my belly. Needless to say this instantly went into my cart, and I couldn't wait until the morning to drink it.

This is the single best prepackaged smoothie I have ever tasted. It just tastes healthy in all the right ways. It has a decent ginger taste, that lacks in a burn, but who really wants a smoothie with a burn to it? Okay I probably would, but I have no problem with it lacking in this beverage. There is a small assortment of fruits in this smoothie, that all blend together nicely (yes there is banana in it, and no you can not taste it, thank goodness). The real star of this beverage is the Amazing Grass Super Greens. It's what Sambazon has labeled their concoction of wheat grass, barley grass, alfalfa, spirulina, chlorella and the mighty kale. They are mixed in with the rest of the ingredients in a way that you can taste them, but they don't leave any of the aftertastes that they normally would.

I could drink this by the gallon, but at $3.50 for a 10.5oz bottle I'll have to get it as a treat for myself. It tastes like a fresh juice smoothie that you would get at a fancy juice place like Fresh in Toronto. Now there is a great little place. Man, I'm done with this, and I want to drive to the store to buy another dozen bottles. This could get dangerous, but at least it's mega healthy.

Alright Michael, you've been working here at Izze for a couple of weeks now. I still think you're kind of a dunce, but lucky for you this job doesn't require much brains. Today you'll be making the sparkling lime soda while I make the more delicate birch beer. Remember we don't add sweeteners to our beverages, so don't bother asking me where the sugar is like you have every other day this week. Wait…€¦STOP! What are you doing? Where did you even get those little squirt bottles of limejuice? Did you have those hidden all over your person? You are just strange. Yes this is a lime soda that you're making, but that doesn't mean it's straight up carbonated limejuice. You just used three of those little plastic lime's worth of juice to make one bottle of soda. Do you seriously think anyone could drink that entire bottle? Oh you do, do ya? Well go for it. That's right, now take that sourpuss face of yours and get back to your station. We mix together mostly apple and grape juice with a bit of lime to make this soda palatable. You still get a mostly lime flavor, but the sweetness from the other fruits fights the tartness of the limes in the bet possible way. It ends up being like an apple-lime juice. You don't really notice the grape. Oh you think people will like your way better? Well we have orders for about 500 cases of my recipe and you couldn't even drink two sips of yours, so somehow I think your wrong. Just go to the washout station and clean up everything that is in your field of vision. I don't want to see you again until the end of the day. I swear a trained pig would do a better job at this than you.

It is a little known fact that in Italy volcanoes reign supreme. Many know that such practices occur in places such as Indonesia, but for centuries the denizens of “The Boot” have kept their rituals a secret. I'm about to blow up their spot in a major way.

I'm going to go ahead and ruin everyone's fun right away; they don't perform human sacrifices. I mean they aren't savages. They aren't trying to over throw the world. They are just looking to help their crops, by appeasing to some old gods. You might find yourself asking why has it been kept such a tight-lipped secret for all this time. It's simple actually, with the Vatican basically in their back yard; you don't really want to upset the Holy See with what they would see as false worship. Basically if the church blacklists you, your tourist trade goes in the turlet.

Back to the important garbage: The main item that is sacrificed to the volcano gods is blood oranges. You know how gods are all into symbolism, well they like to pretend that the juice of the blood orange is actually human blood, like the old days. Gross. The Italians may not be savages, but the gods really wished they were. Some people just throw bushels of oranges into the fiery depths, but others believe that the gods prefer you to take the time with your sacrifice and juice it. I mean, what's more impressive: a tiny body, or a big jug of blood?

Dream Foods started pilfering from their sacrifices in order to sell the deliciousness to the public outside of the country. With a mixture of three different varieties of blood oranges with no sugar added, how can you go wrong? It tastes like a mix between a sweet orange and a grapefruit. It's glorious. Once you get a taste, you'll never want to go back to plain orange juice again. Don't let the name fool you though. This is not an Italian soda; it's not carbonated. It is straight up juice meant for a sacrifice. By drinking it you may be taking away from fields of rigatoni and penne, that would feed a nation, but hell, I think it's worth it.

There's sugar in grapefruit, right? I mean I buy juices with no added sweeteners and there's always a decent amount of sugar in the juice, just from the fruit. The internet tells me that grapefruit has sugar, which makes sense, it's a fruit. According to Google half of a large grapefruit has 11.59g of sugar in it. So does Rob's somehow remove that sugar and replace it with erythritol, because the label on this clearly says there are zero grams of sugar. That would be some wacky science that just doesn't seem worth it.

I don't know how Rob's makes this, but this is tasty. It has the essence of grapefruit flavor without the extreme tartness. Sure it has a zero calorie sweetener in it, but it doesn't have a gross diet taste. I think the grapefruit flavor balanced it out nicely. My real question is was the erythritol really needed? Was it just used to round off the tartness? Only Rob knows and he's not talking. He's too busy with his Pirate's Booty (seriously one man, two great products. I'd give him a high five).

Dear fellow scientists, how much longer must we toil under the tyranny of water? Are we not scientists? Are we not the creators, the magic makers? H2O? I scoff at that! I propose we create a new liquid; a superior liquid. I propose to you that we create H10O. It is the power of water times 10! The problem that I am running into is that when I mix ten parts hydrogen to one part oxygen the result isn't even fluid. If it were I think it might kill you. We are scientists though and we can overcome these issues, and let marketing sort out the rest.

My assistant Billy presented this to me earlier. He calls it H10O, but it is not my vision. I guess we can present it to the public as H10O version 1.0. Billy took everyday water and infused ten different vitamins into it. See what he did there? 10? Get it? I was skeptical at first because due to his never ending diet he sweetened it with sucralose. I asked him why he just didn't leave it unsweetened, and he said that no one would want a drink that tasted like water that a multivitamin had dissolved in. To overcome the vitamin and diet flavor he also added a healthy dose of peach and mango flavors. Somehow that covered up the poison sucralose flavor of the drink. I personally hate that stuff and didn't think I could handle more than a sip, but I've downed several bottles since he first brought it to me. It's peach, it's mango, it has zero sugar in it, it's chock full of vitamins, and it doesn't taste like death. This may not be the beverage of my dreams but until one of us can properly take on the beast called science it is what H10O will have to be.

Steve, why did you start brewing the green tea out in the yard? You didn't like the way it made the house smell? Well that is just dumb. Brewing tea smells delicious. In fact I always look forward to coming home from work so I can open up the door and be greeted by that wonderful aroma. Now, my second question; why did you start brewing the green tea out in the yard in the middle of the bee apiary? Oh, that's the only place it would fit where it wouldn't be in the way of your croquet game. I guess that's understandable, but tell me this did you clean the vats out between batches? I mean I know I probably shouldn't have left you in charge for the two months that I was on vacation, but I leave a life of leisure and I need to do that from time to time. The thing is that the bees seemed to have incorporated the vats into their hives and if we want to sell any of this tea we're going to have to filter out the honeycombs and dead bees. Let's just do that and never mention this to anyone else. I just hope the tale of this doesn't end up on some dumb website.

Steve, we've somehow brewed a tea that tastes exactly like Asian green tea. I don't know how to explain the difference between the green tea I brew from a tea bag and the kind you get in a Chinese restaurant, but this is way more like the latter. The bee residue that we filtered out actually gives this a little bit of a honey flavor. I personally like my green tea unsweetened, but I think a lot of people would be into this. It has a medium level of sweetness, which is what many people need for a stepping-stone to the world of unsweetened teas. Your blunder may have actually been a gateway to a healthier America. Good job, son.

This is one the lightest, and most lightly sweetened teas to ever walk the face of this earth. Did I just insinuate that this tea is sentient? Possibly. For all I know this bottle could sprout legs and it could go on a walkabout. I don't know and I don't care, as I would still drink it. It's a quality black tea that is ever so slightly sweetened with cane sugar and honey. You can taste the honey a teeny tiny bit, but it's enough to add leaps and bounds to the overall flavor. There is only a faint hint of peach. It's more in the aftertaste than the sipping taste. If sentient beverages is the cost of having teas that taste this good, I say let's do it. Sure we'll have a moral dilemma with each sip, but we're humans we adapt to the craziest things.

Jack Nicklaus is a man who likes to talk trash with his beverages. He saw that his rival Mr. Palmer was getting all this attention for his love of mixing iced tea and lemonade. Jack scoffed at that bastardization of two fine drinks. He believed that both of those beverages are perfectly fine on their own and there was no need to mix them. “Listen folks, there is a time for lemonade and a time for tea, and it will be a cold day in hell when you see them mixed in my home,” is a direct quote of his to the press. He then went on to tell the press that he will be releasing a line of drinks that will leave Mr. Palmer quaking in his golf cleats.

The world has yet to see any tea drinks bearing Mr Nicklaus' name, but his lemonades are a force to be reckoned with. Sure he sweetens them with high fructose corn sweetener, and many people take offense to that, but I believe it was the correct choice for these drinks. It makes them smoother and takes away some of the bite. With this particular version the lemonade perfectly accentuates the mango of the flavor. It seems more like a mangoade with lemon flavoring to it, than vice versa. The use of mango puree makes the flavor wonderful and authentic. Jack Nicklaus really has something going on here and his partnership with Arizona is truly a hole in one.

-Steve Brummerberg
Associated Press

Congratulations, you my friend have found the golden ticket that entitles you to take a tour of the Wonka candy factory. I'd like to preface this by telling you that this is nothing like the movie. There is no river of chocolate, or crazy experimental gum that will make you float, and I must emphasize that you will not be put into the running to be handed the keys to the entire establishment at the end. Our factory is a factory and nothing else. It's just a bunch of big machinery that pumps out sugary goodness. There is a gift shop at the end where you can buy some of our goods as well. I would also like to add that this will be a long in-depth tour, as I like to explain every little thing in great detail. I am sick of the folks on my tour falling asleep, so here is a complimentary can of Red Bull. I must also urge you to not touch any of the candy as we move through the factory. The movie may have been fictitious, but the accidents it shows can and will be very real if you put your little hands where they don't belong.

Let us start off with the Pixie Stix machine. This machine powderizes the sugar and adds a little flavor...HEY! What are you doing?! Didn't I just tell you not to touch anything? Here you are dumping some of the flavoring extract for the blue Pixie Stix into your Red Bull. Oh great, the sugar caused it to fizz over and now there's a mess on the floor. Do you know how long it's been since we had an accident here at Wonka? Are you trying to ruin my streak? I don't care that it tastes like blueberry Red Bull now. No I really don't care! I am furious with you. Seriously I don't care. I can perfectly envision in my mind what concentrated blue Pixie Stix flavor and Red Bull would taste like together. I admit that it would taste nice, but my anger with you is complete and I will have to wait until after security has led to you to make some myself and sell the recipe to Red Bull. Oh think of it now the merging of two great companies. Mr. Wonka will be so pleased with me. Maybe he'll even hand the company over to me instead of some punk nosed kid. Oh yes I lied earlier; you were going to get the company. Instead you and your con artist of a grandfather can go back to living in squalor. How can a grown man pretend to be in pain and not walk for years and then just jump up and dance suddenly? I'm calling shenanigans!

I'd like to start off by saying I have zero idea where this drink came from. Editor Dan and I went on an adventure today to explore these gnarly caves. He wanted to take some photos while I just wanted to explore. At some point in our day Dan lost his keys. We retraced our steps and eventually found them at a grocery store (the most unexpected place). Towards the end of our search we were going crazy trying to figure out where they could be and I checked the car again after Dan did. I felt a can under my seat (note, my car is normally very clean with no trash). I thought it was an empty that must have rolled under there from when my ladyfriend and I drove to Virginia a few months ago and trash got thrown everywhere for a few days. When I pulled it out I realized it was full, and more startling that I have never set my eyes on this can before. I don't know how it got in my car, and I sat there puzzled for a moment before I cracked it open and started drinking it. I came to the conclusion that the drink gods were smiling on me for helping a friend to find his keys.

Apparently the drink gods appreciated that I helped out, but not enough to give me a great drink. What I got was on the lower end of mediocre. I've had guarana drinks before, so I knew what I was getting into. If you want to know, think of fruitier Kola Champagne. This particular brand had a general sweet soda taste that was followed by a fruity bubble gum aftertaste. It's not particularly my cup of tea, but I can see where it might appeal to some people. I wonder if I keep doing good deeds if the portal to the drink realm will open in my car again. It's gotta be good for something.

Sometimes you date a girl who lives across the country and you go visit every other month. Sometimes things don't work out and you end up splitting up right before you leave from a visit. Sometimes your flight gets delayed and you turn around and said person is standing there asking if you want to get food. On top of that sometimes pizza and great soda can mend the relationship (for a couple more months at least).

Portland, OR's Hot Lips is a diamond in the rough. Well, not a diamond in a sea of bad food, as that city has obscene amounts of awesome veggie food (Vita Cafè I'm looking in your direction). It's a special place because it is a place where you can get a decent slice of pizza on the west coast. For the most part I don't even tough pizza past Wisconsin and even that is really pushing it. Hot Lips was great for its pizza, but even better for it's soda. They take local fruit and add sparkling water and a little cane sugar. If you've ever read Tom Robbins' “Still Life With Woodpecker” you know that blackberries run rampant in those parts. This is so simple and so wonderful. It tastes light lightly sugared blackberries, because that is exactly what it is. Why anyone would mess with a recipe like this boggles my mind. Okay, I understand that they want to save money, but they end up with a product that is not even close to this in quality, those big dummies.

I was always under the impression that this soda was only available in Portland, but my ladyfriend (of three years, not the previous ladyfriend which I mentioned above) found it in a health food store in North Carolina. I really hope Hot Lips expands their reach and takes over the country with their quality soda.

On our great Canadian drink adventure about a month ago Mike and I came across theses sodas in a Shoppers Drug Mart. I called dibs as quickly as I could because it's a soda with pineapple and passion fruit in it. I'm pretty sure that if Mike would have tried to grab it for his own I would have drug him out to the parking lot and we would have had to put up our dukes. The idea of Mike and I in fisticuffs is absolutely absurd. I can't even envision it in my head without the visions of us putting our fists up like an olde timey movie and erupting in laughter. Luckily, it never came to that, as Mike knows my taste buds and gave it up happily.

You might ask yourself, if I was so excited to an extent that I would have been willing to pummel one of my dearest friends, why did it take me a month to drink it. The answer is simple. The night was the first night of a tour I was on and Mike and my ladyfriend brought the drinks I purchased back home for me. This bottle was lost in the shuffle and it just resurfaced. What a glorious day it was.

All of my expectations of this drink were not only met, but they were surpassed. It's sparkling water, fruit juice and nothing else. The folks at Nativa were smart enough not to gunk up the mix by adding sugar. It tastes like some one blended up some pineapple and passion fruit, squeezed in a spritz of mango and strained out all the bits. Then they poured the remains into some sparkling water. The fruit itself is sweet enough to overcome any potential seltzer flavor. It's the perfect fruity soda. I've never had one that was better.

It turns out that this is the beverage version of an M Night Shyamalon movie. It turns out the soda has been dead the whole time. Wait, that's not right. It turns out that this wasn't made by some specialty soda company. Nativa is actually the Shoppers Drug Marts' store brand. Now that is true magic.

Fuze went a bit overboard and tried to mix ten million flavors together, and by ten million I mean six. There is a lot of text in this ingredients list and since most of it is fruit juice concentrate one would think that this would be a decent drink. Then you look at a different spot on the label and realize that there is only 5% juice in here. That's a lot of different juices to use to make a drink that is 95% other junk. It shows in the flavor too. It tastes thin and cheap. It tastes like generic fruit drink. These are not things that I look for in a beverage. This could have been in a giant gallon jug at a gas station and I would not have batted an eye. Okay, I would have because it isn't as thick as those beverages, but you get the idea. Sorry Fuze, you have not won me over with this one.

I stopped by Aldi today to pick up some more bottles of that Pumpkin Cider before the season ended, and they were gone. Bummer. I did find this iced coffee while I was there. I recently read a handful of books that take place in New Orleans, so the French name Beaumont stuck out to me. I was hoping that this was a product from Louisiana so that it would have chicory in it. I've never had it in coffee, but the way everyone I know who was tried it has talked about it that coffee seems like something I need try it. Unfortunately Beaumont is just a name and this is made in Illinois.

I may have been left with a chicory free coffee, but what I did have in front of me was one that was nicely flavored with Dutch cocoa. Let it be known that anyone who is a serious coffee drinker would probably think this was gross, but I liked it. Sure it had way too much milk in it and was overly sweetened, but when you're not 100% on board with coffee it's a nice gateway. The cocoa also gave it a nice chocolate taste, which didn't hurt. The more I drank, the more I realized exactly how much milk was in this, and I would say “Hey Beaumont, cut it out with the dairy!”